The Drachman War
by kyothecat
Summary: Following the defeat of the homunculi, Drachma has invaded Amestris, taking advantage of the confusion within the military. This is Edward's story of his experiences during the war. Prequel to Elysia and the General/manga based to c80/some anime reference
1. Chapter 1

The Fuhrer was dead. It wasn't known how or when or who had done it, just that it was so. When word got out a power struggle erupted within the military. The Generals at the top in Central vied for the position of Fuhrer trying to gather their supporters around them. It would have been the perfect opportunity for Roy Mustang to do the same thing but it was not to be. His loyal supporters were scattered but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Instead of announcing his intentions, very quietly his supporters started talking about a certain Colonel in Central who would make a great leader.

_He wasn't power hungry like the rest. He's a hero of Ishbal and would never throw his men into danger, especially over something as trivial as trying to assume command of the entire military. There was no time for such things, especially after the attack Drachma made against the Briggs stronghold. And did you hear that a former State Alchemist led that Drachman attack. The same State Alchemist who was in prison for killing several higher ranking officers and then released by the very Generals now clamoring for power in Central. _

Needless to say word spread like wildfire. There was distrust within the military but still plenty who were loyal to their country and in need of a leader, especially when Drachma launched another attack on Briggs. When the call came from Central for troops from the North, East, South and West, there was no response, especially from the North, they had their own troubles. They then called upon the State Alchemists, but word had spread amongst them of the traitor Kimbley who was working for those same Generals, and of the true purpose behind their actions governing the military throughout the years. As one General after another was either assassinated or fled for his life, the only soul brave enough to take command of Central did so. He did not fear he would be stabbed in the back as other officers were; especially those who had shown support for the same Generals that were corrupt. He also had the backing of a Major General at the top who was not part of the power struggle. She only wanted Briggs and if those Generals were out of her way, she could return to stop the Drachman attack. But it was too late.

Drachma broke through and invaded. Briggs held out for months and nobody blamed them for pulling out of the region when they did. It was a bloody siege with an entire nation beating on the door of Briggs and their resources had been exhausted. The true commander of Briggs had been called to Central by the corrupt Generals. Their current commander was incompetent or perhaps a traitor, in league with the same Generals that were no longer in command. They had no support from Central at the time and it was slow going to get any troops from the East. It also didn't help that rebel factions from Xing joined forces with Drachma on the Northeast borders of Amestris, preventing the support the Eastern troops could have provided. The Drachman invasion that followed wasn't just any invasion. It was an invasion based on years of planning. Years of having to put up with the tiny country of Amestris with its seemingly limitless soldiers who over the course of hundreds of years had slowly annexed or claimed towns and territories that could have been part of Drachma's borders. Those citizens had gotten used to being Amestrian, as did their children after them. Amestris in general had gotten used to their country and didn't take to kindly to the fact that Drachma was going to take advantage of the instability to try and take what did not belong to them.

With the backing of Major General Armstrong, under one condition, Mustang assumed the role of Fuhrer, and began to focus on the threat at hand. But there were several. Not only did Drachma invade, but there was still fighting on the western and southern borders. Mustang, with his new powers, promoted Armstrong to General. Together they worked fast and furious to coordinate troop movements from the East, West and South to push back the invasion of Drachma and yet still deal with the fighting in the west and south. Their were attempts to contact the emperor of Xing who would make a powerful ally, but a certain twelfth son of the Emperor was nowhere to be found to begin any kind of negotiations.

The new Fuhrer was only able to enjoy the glory of coming out on top for a moment. They were at war; there was no time to celebrate his accomplishment with any elaborate fanfare. The celebration that did ensue was small and used as a platform for Mustang to pledge his allegiance to Amestris and promise the citizens to rid their borders of the Drachman army. It was to boost morale and it did, especially when the State Alchemists had finally been mobilized. The best of the best State Alchemists were placed at strategic points to start clearing the way for the regular army. State Alchemists were still men so it was not going to be an easy fight. The invasion was like a cake walk for Drachma once they got past Briggs but the further they pressed the more resistance they met and soon were not able to go any further. As the Amestris military dug in its heels to hold Drachma back, Drachma dug in it's own to keep from being pushed out. The Fuhrer needed all the bravest alchemists he could get. He didn't think it fair to ask the Elric brothers but he was desperate. After ridding the military of corruption he wasn't about to lose the very country he wanted to protect.

* * *

He smiled to himself at the sound of his footsteps. Those were his feet making that clicking noise in the empty hallway. It was his legs that were connected to those same feet. It was his legs that were moving him down the hallway. He realized after being bedridden for a year how much he had taken for granted the ability to move himself on his own. It was a good feeling. He would never take it for granted again. Then he remembered he was now propelling himself towards the possibility that it could all be taken away from him again, perhaps even permanently.

He stopped before the door of his intended destination. Taking a deep breath he knocked. He knew he was expected but didn't think it wise a guard did not stand outside the door. In fact he thought there should be guards stationed all along the hallway. The military was still not quite stabilized. A muffled '_Come in_' could be heard through the closed door so he entered not knowing what fate would hand him. He had a lot of time to think with nothing much to do. He knew he was a lot smarter than he had given himself credit for. He wondered why he didn't use those smarts he discovered and stay away from the military. But the military was in him. It was too late to retrain himself for another life. It fit him like a glove and he was glad to be back, though he wished the circumstances were not so uncertain with his return. Taking another deep breath before entering, he marveled again at his ability to be able to walk on his own. He would do whatever was in his power to keep his legs. He had his second chance and he wasn't going to waste it. Some would think going back to the military would be doing just that. But he had a debt to pay for the use of his legs. Coming back to the military was partly to repay that debt. He entered and shut the door behind him. Snapping to attention he saluted smartly to a man sitting behind a desk. A man he was all too familiar with.

"Good to have you back Second Lieutenant Havoc," the Fuhrer said getting up from his desk. He walked up to the Lieutenant and shook his hand instead of saluting in return. "Sorry it took so long."

"No problem. I enjoyed sitting around doing nothing," Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc said sarcastically, slipping into the old familiarity he shared with Roy Mustang. "But I should really be thanking you for getting Dr. Marcoh for me."

"No thanks needed. We've been lost without you, we had to do something. I'd like to thank you for recovering in time so you can be shipped off to the front lines to be shot at."

"Lucky me," Havoc said under his breath. Then a bit louder, "I heard you've got yourself a new Lieutenant Colonel."

"I do. And you've got yourself a new assignment," the Fuhrer said returning to his desk and seating himself.

"You mean a new babysitting assignment," Havoc said knowing what was coming next.

"No. I'm confident he can handle a command of his own. But it will be different entering a war without any kind of proper training on his part. You'll need to give him a crash course on military command and strategy on your way to your post," Mustang explained.

"Fortunately he's smart so it shouldn't take too long. But why me?" Havoc asked sure Hawkeye or Breda were more suitable for the job.

"You're the only one with nothing better to do. You've been out of commission for so long everyone but you is busy. Besides, I think you'll work well together and it's more likely he'll listen to you then to anyone else. I hate sending you away but I know you'll still follow my orders as well as his and won't hesitate to inform me if you think he can't handle it. If it looks like he can't, let me know and I'll pull him out as soon as possible. I had hoped his brother would come along. The two of them could have worked together and supported each other. But that's not the case. He doesn't have anyone now; he'll need you to watch his back."

"I can do that."

"Good. He's already been informed you'll be under his command as First Lieutenant."

"He'll suspect that I'm there to watch over him for you."

"Yes, he will. But you'll have to convince him you're there to help him too. It's important that you do. And not just because I said so, but because he is your commanding officer and he deserves your loyalty. I'm afraid that letting you go, you'll end up being more loyal to him than me. But it'll be for the best."

"Thanks, you make me sound like a dog,"

"You are. You're a dog of the military. Just make sure you both don't die."

"Yes, sir!" Havoc said saluting.

"And if something were to happen to him," Mustang continued. "I'm holding you responsible. Let him know that. It could keep him from being too reckless."

"I can see that I'm really going to enjoy this assignment."

"I'm sure you will. Here's his file. This will help you get an understanding of his strengths and weaknesses."

Havoc took the file and started to flip through it. It was quite thick. _Mustang really ran him through hoops_, Havoc thought.

"You new post is waiting for you in North City. It's under the command of a Sergeant Brody and has already been reinforced. The last commanding officer decided to get himself and half the troop blown up. I will not accept such incompetence. I'm depending on you two to set an example of how to keep your troop alive and at the same time get the job done. You'll be leaving on the next train out of Central that's leaving in an hour. Are there any questions?"

"No, sir," Havoc said standing tall and saluting.

"Good. Dismissed," Mustang said saluting back.


	2. Chapter 2

He was too angry at his brother to even speak to him. His anger was so strong it made him almost hate Edward. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the flash of metal one day when Edward had reached over to adjust Al's blankets as he lay, still too weak to move, on the hospital bed. He could see Edward was quick to realize that Al had seen his automail. The same automail he had for the last six years that he was supposed to be rid of when Al had his body back. There were no words from Al to Edward, no outburst of anger or words of condemnation for breaking the promise. Just silence. Al didn't trust himself to say anything, afraid his anger would make him say something he would regret. Edward was still his brother and he loved him. But Edward going back on his promise was the ultimate betrayal and Al couldn't forgive him as easily as he did when Edward almost let himself be killed by Scar. This was much worse in Al's eyes. After everything they had been through for Edward to think he didn't deserve to get his arm and leg back was too much for Al. He couldn't believe his brother thought so little of himself, that he hadn't earned the right to have his own body back.

He didn't want his brother to go alone. He didn't know who would take care of him. But Al couldn't bring himself to accept Mustang's offer. He had enough of the military. The threat of being treated as a lab rat when his soul was affixed to the armor still left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn't feel he owed the military anything, even if it had been purged of corruption. He wanted to enjoy having his body back and not have to worry about it being shot full of holes or blown up. He wanted to go back home with Edward and try to pick up their lives and make a fresh start. He didn't know if it was possible, after everything they had been through but he wanted to try. He also knew he had to try to talk Edward out of going to war. He knew something wasn't right when Edward came in to tell Al about the promotion Mustang had offered him as well. Edward said he was going to think about it and Al had his doubts. Since when did Edward ever think anything through? He was always so impulsive. He reacted to the moment and worried about the consequences when it was too late. But since Edward hadn't fully committed Al took it as an opportunity to make sure his brother wouldn't leave him.

He apologized for ignoring Edward all those months. He could see that Edward was relieved they were on speaking terms once again but the silence had taken its toll on him. Winry was no help and neither she nor Edward would talk about what created the silence that had sprung up between them. Everything had spun out of control. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to get their bodies back together, celebrate that they were whole once again and move on with their lives. But it didn't work out that way. _If only Edward hadn't kept the automail_, Al thought bitterly. _It wouldn't be like this. No, don't think like that. I've already pushed him away and he's on the verge of leaving. There's a reason he kept his automail, but why won't he tell me?! Why?!_

When Al had asked, Edward wouldn't answer. When he wasn't pleading for an answer he was listing all the cons against going to war.

_You can't be thinking of accepting the promotion. Especially after everything we've been through and what the military has put you through. Besides, you're no soldier, Ed! You've only fired a gun a couple of times and it wasn't even pointed at anyone. Are you prepared to kill? Will you be able to fire without hesitation at a man staring back at you? Can you lead men to their potential deaths?_

But his words fell on deaf ears. _No_, thought Al. _He knows what I'm saying. It goes much deeper and he's not going to tell me about it._

"Ed, please don't go," Al said pleading with his older brother one last time. This was it. Edward was finally going to give in or he was going to have to watch his brother leave and be left to wonder whether his brother was going to be dead in the next few days, weeks, years... Who knew how long the war would go on for? Al didn't know if he had the strength to sit and worry before it tore him to pieces with the knowledge that his brother was in danger every day. Even thinking about Edward being killed and him not knowing about it till days later already set him on edge.

Al watched as Edward pulled on his blue military coat. None of his pleading worked and Al suspected that Edward had already made his decision as soon as Mustang finished with his offer but it didn't keep him from trying. But he still hoped it was not too late to make Edward see reason.

"Ed, I know why you're going," Al said reading him like a book. "You don't have to. Mustang can handle it. There are plenty loyal to him and nobody wants to see Drachma invade any further into Amestris. Let's just go home. You're too young to fight in a war."

"But not too young to become a State Alchemist," Edward had finally said.

Al winced, like he had been slapped in the face. They had both pursued that goal and Al was a year younger at the time. But only Edward was allowed to continue to finish the State Alchemist exam to keep Al's secret from being discovered at the time.

"I don't want to loose you, Brother," Al said tears starting to fill his golden, brown eyes. "Please, don't go."

"I'll be fine," Edward said turning away from his brother.

There was still time for Edward to turn his back on the military. They had manipulated and held him on a leash. _Edward has got to remember that_, Al thought. They were the ones that threatened to separate them and it was happening once again. They were the ones that used Winry to make Edward cooperate and not interfere with their plans. Al hoped those days were over, but he didn't see why Edward had decided to stay. It made him even more frustrated when Edward refused to tell him why he was leaving. He had his suspicions but he wanted to hear Edward say it. He wanted the truth straight from Edward. But over the last two days Edward spoke less and less.

Al watched as Edward looked up and stared at his reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall. The person looking back through the mirror seemed like a stranger. The eyes and face were blank. Like his soul had been torn out of his body and only an empty shell was left. Al wondered if the reflection was truly his brother. It was Edward in the physical sense but the eyes were so different. They were enough for Al to hardly recognize him.

Edward continued to stare at his reflection unaware that Al was watching him. He seemed to have made up his mind about something and went to his military issue pack. His mouth set in a firm line, his eyes suddenly full of determination. He dug around and pulled out a knife. He went back to the mirror and stopped to look at himself again for a moment. He unsheathed the knife and placed it at the base of his skull, just under his ponytail. He hesitated a moment before reaching with his other hand to hold his hair. He squeezed his eyes shut as he slowly began to grind away at the long locks, wincing as the knife pulled. The knife was sharp but it still took a few good strokes through his thick hair to cut it completely off.

Al watched, frozen, unable to say or do anything. As Edward released the clump of hair Al watched as each shiny, golden strand floated slowly to the ground. Al was sure that he could have reached out for a strand, observed it then put it back with the rest before it hit the ground. When the hair finally hit Al flinched. It was like a heavy weight had fallen with a horrible crash. It was then that he knew it was no use. His pleading and tears would not help. Edward had made his decision and he would not turn back from it. They were going their separate ways.

Edward made a few more cuts trying to even out his hair but soon gave up and was left with a choppy, uneven look. He didn't seem to care. He sheathed the knife and put it back, then shouldering his pack he turned to look at his younger brother.

"Brother, what about Winry? Are you going to tell her goodbye?"

"No. She can't stand the sight of me now. I've got to go."

Al looked at Edward wondering if it would be for the last time. He tried to remember everything about his brother, every detail from his golden eyes, the newly cropped head of hair and even his automail that peaked from his sleeve gloveless. But the military blue made it difficult. It was hard to see past the symbol that was finally going to separate them.

He never thought he'd see his brother in the uniform of the military. Edward had always hated being a State Alchemist. Had hated how the military had turned around and undid whatever good he had done. He had only become a State Alchemist to use the military to the find a way to get their bodies back. Edward had always hated authority. Now he had become the very thing he had hated about the military. Al was no longer looking at the Edward he knew. But he was still his brother. Al stepped forward and hugged him.

"Take care," Al said, holding his brother tight.

"I will," Edward said as he hugged his brother back. Then he slowly pulled away and left, shutting the door quietly behind him without looking back. Al walked over to the pile of hair on the floor. He picked up a few strands realizing it was all he had of Edward now.


	3. Chapter 3

Train rides had always been a thrilling experience for Edward. He loved the feeling of speeding towards his next destination not knowing what adventure awaited him. They usually provided him with a chance to think about his next step when he was on his search for the Philosopher's Stone. It seemed that was all he was able to think about at the time. Nothing else mattered but getting Al's body back and his own arm and leg.

This particular train ride, however, didn't provide him with much time to think about anything else and he was grateful. It also wasn't very thrilling, more like nerve racking because this time he knew what awaited him and he didn't want to dwell on that fact. He was scared enough as it was, he didn't want it to get worse.

Havoc used most of the time to give Edward a crash course in military command, protocol and strategy. He learned how to take apart, clean and then reassemble a hand gun and rifle. It was difficult at first but Edward caught on quickly once he made the adjustments necessary to account for his automail. They used the last car of the train for firing lessons, Edward having to repair the damage when they were done. Havoc showed Edward how to sweep a room quickly then enter once it was clear. With so many officers and soldiers on the train they had to do this quickly without anyone seeing. It wouldn't look good for a Lieutenant Colonel receiving basic training instructions from a Lieutenant on their way to their command. Edward learned quickly and Havoc seemed relieved that he did. He couldn't prepare the young Lieutenant Colonel for everything but at least he understood some of the basics and would be able to pick up the rest as he went along.

The train ride was taking longer than usual with the many stops it made, transferring, picking up and unloading passengers and equipment. All in preparation of the war if Drachma got any further. Havoc needed to rest frequently. A year of being bed ridden had sapped his strength and he wasn't one hundred percent yet. Edward was sitting in the train car compartment across from Havoc who had stretched out for a nap. Usually during these moments of inactivity, Edward tried to keep himself busy. He would see how fast he could take apart and reassemble his handgun, or go over his orders for the thousandth time. He wanted to stay busy so he wouldn't have to think about anything else but he could not do so this time.

Everything had seemed as if it would go well. He had gotten Al his body back but it was so emaciated that Al had to be in bed for a few of months to recuperate. They had raced back to Central as quickly as they could so Al could get the necessary medical treatment he needed. Al did recuperate and improved each day, much to the delight of Edward and Winry. Winry had stayed around to see to Al and to be with Edward during all this. It had been two months since Al had gotten his body when the rumors reached Central that Briggs was under attack. There was still a lot of chaos within Central but the two brothers and Winry tried to lay low to stay out of the power struggle that had erupted within the high command of the military. Edward had already done his part. Before getting Al's body back he had helped to defeat the homunculi Pride and Wrath. Upon returning to Central he and Major Armstrong had spread the word amongst the other State Alchemists of the real reason behind the power struggle. He was exhausted. He just wanted to be with his brother and see to it that his health improved. But once Al had the strength to really focus on what was going on around him he realized Edward still had the automail.

It was hard for him to look Al in the eye. Edward could see the anger, resentment and disappointment that he didn't get his arm and leg back. He felt a guilt he had never known before whenever he saw his brother. A deep, gut wrenching guilt that grew deeper and deeper as each day passed. But he had his reasons for keeping it.

Fortunately Winry was there. She had to play go between for the two brothers but she did talk to Edward and he was grateful for that. Once the dust had settled within the military and Mustang had come out on top there was a celebration. Al was not up to attending and Winry didn't want to leave him alone but he insisted she should go to have a good time. It had been so long since anyone had any fun. So Winry went dragging Edward along. After several failed attempts and bruised toes later, Winry finally taught Edward how to dance. She also told him that she loved him. Edward was stunned. They had been dancing together and Winry was talking and talking and talking. Edward wished she would just stop. It just sounded like random words being read from a dictionary. He couldn't get a grasp of anything. He did remember something about her mentioning he could go back to Rush Valley with her, that when they were older they could get married. Edward had no idea she had ever been thinking about such things. Such thoughts had been so far from his mind it was as if they didn't exist. It was as if Winry were trying to convince him of some wild, new alchemical theory that was just preposterous. Then she kissed him.

He pushed her away and left her on the dance floor without saying a word. He was going to leave the celebration but was stopped by Mustang. He didn't want to talk to Mustang. He didn't want to talk to anyone. But Mustang pulled rank and Edward was still a State Alchemist. Under normal circumstances Edward would have ignored him. But when the Fuhrer orders you to stop and listen and your best friend has just kissed you and said she loves you, you don't know what to think or even know what to do. So he stopped. He tried to listen but he was still reeling from the whole Winry ordeal. All he heard was something about a promotion and a command, then being shipped out to the front lines, that his skills as an alchemist were needed. The more he heard, the more he actually listened and understood what was being asked of him. He told Mustang he needed to think about it first. Then he went back to Al and told him he had been offered a promotion. He had hoped he could use this to get his brother to talk to him and it worked.

So now Al was at least talking to him but Winry was ignoring him. Al tried to convince him not to accept. He was relieved that Al was talking to him, though it wasn't something he wanted to be hearing from his brother at the moment. He was scared to leave, frightened to his very core. Not only would he be leaving to fight in a war but he'd have his very own command, a troop of men that he would have to lead. He had never lead anyone before other than himself and his brother. But after a couple of days of thinking about it, Edward told his brother he was going to accept the promotion.

He had only wanted to see his brother smile again and yet he had made Al cry when he left. But his guilt was too overwhelming and it drove him with the need to get away, despite his fear of leaving and hurting his brother. He tried to reason with himself. To justify his decision. Al deserved to live peacefully after everything they had been through. _After everything I had put him through_, Edward thought. This was going to be his way of giving Al the chance to live a normal life finally. If they allowed Drachma to continue any further into Amestris such a life would not be possible for him. The military was no longer the enemy. It was Drachma who came in to disrupt their chances of reestablishing the military and setting Amestris on the right course. Amestris had already been through enough since the country had been created for the sole purpose of making a transmutation circle. The people should be going on about their lives, unaware that they had ever been threatened. They shouldn't be suffering under the Drachman onslaught.

Nothing had gone the way it should have and this was the only thing Edward could think of to somehow straighten things out. No, to just run away from the mess he created, he finally had to admit to himself. Instead of leaving Winry alone he should have talked to her and told her how he really felt. He should have told Al why he kept the automail. He should have turned down the promotion. But then he wondered if he really could have done that if he had done things right in the first place when it came to Al and Winry. If everything had been alright with his brother and best friend would he have turned down the promotion? He didn't know what to do with himself. He hadn't thought about it. He did know that going back to Resembool was out of the question for him. It was his hometown but he no longer considered it home, as a place to run back to in order to find comfort. He was sure Al would want to go back to rebuild their house and be with Pinako now that Winry was in Rush Valley. Going there was just as bad. He never liked Rush Valley. _And why was Winry thinking about marriage already?! She's still too young to even worry about it! And why would she want to marry me?! I'm sure she could find someone better. Why are these people expecting me to do things I don't want to do?! Why do they have these expectations in the first place? Didn't I do enough? Didn't I get Al his body back? So what if I kept the automail. It's my body to do with as I please. Why can't they stop looking at me like they're disappointed? What should I have done?_

He was feeling lost and powerless. He had left the one person who he could turn to when he needed. He was starting to regret his decision but it was too late to turn back. He needed someone to talk to but he didn't trust anyone. Plus he'd just feel foolish unloading all his burdens when there were much bigger problems at hand. _Who wants to hear the troubles of a stupid kid?_ He thought.

"Ed?"

"Huh?" Edward answered Havoc. He turned to find Jean looking at him worriedly.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"That was some intense thinking. Don't hurt yourself."

"Shut up," Edward shot back with no feeling. Havoc sat up so he was sitting right across from Edward.

"Well, there are a couple more things we should go over. You ready?" He asked as he lit a cigarette.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, just get on with it," Edward said hoping it would distract him from his thoughts.

"Then we'll go over how your command has been set up. There will be four squads of twelve men. Each squad is under a sergeant. Then there's me, your Lieutenant. Normally a Lieutenant Colonel would have at least eight squads under him and two lieutenants but the Fuhrer is going easy on you as you start. You don't have the normal military training but with my crash course it should get you through. So nothing to worry about, right? Just fifty three men that you are responsible for. No pressure."

Edward looked at him like he was going to be sick. "Right, no pressure."

Havoc pulled a flask out of his pocket. Getting up he pulled the shade down over the window of the compartment they had to themselves and sat back down next to Edward.

"Here, drink this."

"What is it?"

"Never mind. Just drink it. It'll calm your nerves."

Edward took a drink then spit it out.

"What the hell is this shit?" He asked disgustedly wiping his mouth.

"Soldiers' water," Havoc said taking the flask and took a quick swig. He handed it back to Edward. "Trust me. Just a couple of swallows should relax you."

Edward took the flask back hesitantly. Looking at the opening of the silver container as if it would bite he braced himself and tilted it towards his mouth. Quickly taking one, then another drink, he forced himself to swallow. The burning, hot liquid ran down his throat. He wondered how anyone could drink the stuff but before he knew it he was tipping the flask back towards his mouth for another drink when Havoc took it from him before he could follow through.

"Easy now. You haven't eaten in awhile. It'll hit you hard if you drink any more on an empty stomach."

Edward sat back to see what the effects of the alcohol would be. It didn't take long before he felt a slight numbness in his arm and leg. It wasn't anything to worry about. Actually it felt pretty good to him. He closed his eyes finally beginning to relax. But as he did so the train slowed and he knew they were approaching the station, which meant soon he would be coming face to face with his troop. The train then jolted to a stop and Edward stood up. He straightened out his uniform and looked over at Havoc.

"I guess this is it," Edward said nervously.

"Wait, before you go." Havoc took his cigarette out of his mouth and handed it to Edward.

"What do I want that for?"

"Just take a hit. It'll cover the scent of the alcohol."

"I don't smoke."

"I know. Just do it. You want everyone to think you're an alcoholic?"

"You're the one who gave me the drink."

"True. But it helped, didn't it?"

_He's right_, Edward thought. _I don't feel as nervous as I was earlier_. Edward sighed and took the offered cigarette. He put it to his lips and inhaled. It burned worse than the alcohol. He started coughing and Havoc started to hit him across the back. It felt like he had just lit his throat and lungs on fire at the same time.

"There. You are officially a soldier."

"How can you smoke those things?"

"You get used to it. Ready?"

"Even if I wasn't there's nothing I could do about it," Edward said.

"Don't worry about it. You've seen how Mustang does it. Just imitate him. It should get you through the initial introductions."

"Shouldn't be too hard to act like a pompous ass. Hmmmm...let's see," Edward trying his best Mustang impression and started to walk back and forth in front of Havoc looking him up and down.

"Button your jacket. Stand up straight. Wipe that stupid grin off your face." Edward began sniffing as he got up close in Havoc's face, or as close as he could on his tip toes. "Is that a secret I smell? Something you'd like to keep hidden? Ha Ha Ha! I'll just keep that in my back pocket to use against you later. That way I can keep you on a leash. Ho Ho Ho!"

"How was that?" Edward asked stepping back.

"You're an officer already."


	4. Chapter 4

It was semi-controlled chaos as Edward stepped off the train and peered through the haze of steam. Officers, enlisted men and medics hustled here and there on various errands. Equipment and men were loaded off the train, replaced immediately with wounded soldiers to be taken back to Central for the proper medical treatment. As Edward stood taking in his surroundings he thought he heard thunder. It was faint, like a dull ache in the back of your head, but it was there and it brought an ominous cloud over the whole train station. With the hurried rushing around Edward realized it wasn't thunder but the sounds of battle.

"Looks like we got here just in time," Havoc commented as he slapped Edward on the back and grinned sarcastically at him.

"I was hoping it was just a bad thunderstorm approaching," Edward said paling.

"No such luck for us," Havoc said. Then bending down towards Edward he whispered, "You'll have to report first to the Brigadier General. It probably won't take too long. From the sound and the look of things your introductions will be short."

Edward nodded and tried to compose himself so he wouldn't look as frightened as he felt. He allowed Havoc to direct him out of the North City station. Once out of the station, the semi-controlled chaos that had met Edward had evaporated in the streets to chaos. The roads were crowded with military and civilian vehicles. Military police did their best to direct the traffic but with truckloads of soldiers going one way to meet the enemy and civilians trying to go the other to avoid that same enemy; order had completely broken down. Those without the benefit of a vehicle were running or walking very quickly through the already crowded sidewalks. It was a mass of panicked people. Many were trying to keep loved ones in sight to avoid being separated as they sought refuge to the south.

"We'll have to walk to HQ," Havoc said. He stopped another Lieutenant passing by and asked for directions for the Northern Headquarters. Once he got them he tugged on Edward's arm and they both submerged themselves into the maelstrom of fear and panic.

As he hurried along, he tried to keep his own fear in check but the whole city vibrated with the emotion that it just fed into Edward's own. He looked up into Havoc's calm face and wondered how he managed it. But Havoc was a seasoned veteran, a soldier to his very core, trained to not lose his cool under such circumstances. Edward wondered if he would be able to look as unperturbed as Havoc did. Pushing his anxiety aside he focused on winding his way through the mob without losing sight of the Lieutenant.

Everyone on the streets went about their business, concerned only with their intended destination. The few looks Edward got were from other officers he bumped into. He couldn't help but feel a slight annoyance when some spotted the insignia of a Lieutenant Colonel on his shoulders and gave him brief glimpses of disbelief. Those flashes of annoyance he felt were a welcome relief from feeling like a small, frightened child.

They wound their way through the crowded sidewalks for three blocks until they came upon the gated and heavily guarded Northern Headquarters. Looking through the gates into the courtyard Edward could see a difference in the way military personnel conducted themselves in front of the gleaming white building. It was a show of strength within the compound. The officers wore brave, determined masks as they went about their individual tasks in a calm yet hurried manner. It eased Edward's own worries and it made him want to stand as tall and determined as the men and women he saw moving around the confines of headquarters.

After getting clearance through several security checkpoints within the compound Edward found himself standing in front of the door that led to his commanding officer. He looked over at Havoc as he reached up to knock and got a reassuring nod from the Lieutenant. Taking a deep breath Edward knocked and his anxiety kicked in again. He waited and after a few seconds when the butterflies in his stomach felt they would burst out he was told to come in. Without looking back at Havoc, not wanting to show his own nervousness, Edward opened the door and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.

The office was dimly lit but for the bright light overhead in the very center. It cast a yellowish light over a table with a large map spread across. There were small figurines on the map and without getting a really good look Edward guessed they represented troop placements to meet the approaching Drachman army. He looked to the left of the table and found a man sitting at a desk deep in thought as he held a piece of paper. He was a huge, burly man, with dark hair and eyes from what Edward could see from the light that was cast from over the map. Edward wondered how he was able to read with such poor lighting.

He waited a couple of heartbeats for the Brigadier General to acknowledge his presence. When he didn't Edward thought best to announce himself.

"Lieutenant Colonel Elric reporting, sir." He said hoping his salute and his voice did not betray how he was really feeling. He was glad that the outer perimeter of the room was poorly lit. It gave him the opportunity to compose himself to show he was ready for whatever was handed him. A door on the other side opened and an aide walked in. He went straight for the map and started pushing figures around. When he was done he left immediately and it was then the Brigadier General looked up at Edward.

He returned Edward's salute as if he were shooing a fly away and stood up. The large, hulking man approached Edward slowly and he could feel the Brigadier General was trying to intimidate him and he dropped his hand from the salute quickly knowing it was working.

His name was Charles Locke and he looked down upon Edward and it wasn't just because Edward was so short compared to the large man. As he came to stand before Edward he reached out to shake the Lieutenant Colonel's hand. Edward knew he was being sized up. A handshake was not necessarily protocol when meeting a superior officer for the first time. He could tell the Brigadier General had tried to put some force into the handshake but was met with resistance from his automail.

"I've been expecting you," the Brigadier General said still clutching Edward's hand. "You're one of Mustang's loyal dogs."

Edward tried to keep himself in check. This was not the time and place for him to go into a rampage of exactly how he felt about the new Fuhrer, especially since Mustang was the new Fuhrer who deserved his respect. His statement made it obvious that the Brigadier General was no fan of Mustang and would therefore regard Edward in the same manner. He hadn't anticipated this. He knew he'd have to prove himself to his own troop, Havoc had warned him about that. But he didn't think he'd have any issues with his own commanding officer. He couldn't recall that being mentioned at all.

"I'm going to be honest and tell you now that I don't think it should have been Mustang to become Fuhrer," Locke said loudly dropping Edward's hand. "General Armstrong is far more capable and experienced. She held Briggs for twenty years and if she had been there Drachma would never have gotten through. But for some reason she decided to support that _war hero_," he said with disgust, as if it were a badge of dishonor. "And now I'm stuck with a kid pretending to be a Lieutenant Colonel," he continued. "However, the _Fuhrer_ has a lot of confidence in you it would seem. Let's see whether it's justified."

Edward was starting not to like this Brigadier General. _If only he knew what Mustang had done_, Edward thought. He was probably the only one who knew that Mustang had put everything on the line to defeat King Bradley. He was after all a homunculus that was directing their country towards destruction. Mustang had saved this country and there were still those within the military with their petty jealousy and disregard for an upstart Colonel becoming Fuhrer. It made Edward want to prove how wrong the Brigadier General was about Mustang and his own abilities. He knew that he would have to help establish that Mustang was worthy enough to lead the military and the country and to show that even those he promoted was not based on favoritism but that they too were worthy.

"We don't have much time for idle chit chat. Drachma is knocking on the door, in case you didn't notice," the Brigadier General said looking at Edward.

Edward bit his tongue. He wasn't a seasoned veteran but he wasn't stupid.

"Your troop is located just outside the city," he said turning his back on Edward, who instinctively followed as the Brigadier General walked over to the brightly lit map. "Ten miles out of North City you will be reinforcing the troop already there trying to keep Drachma from getting any further. Drachma has already taken the three towns that surround us to the north and northwest," he said pointing to three different spots on the map. "They will not have North City. I refuse to let them set one foot into these headquarters," he said looking Edward dead in the eye. "Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Edward said with as much feeling as he could muster meeting the stern Brigadier General's eyes.

Locke regarded him carefully, like a snake tasting the air, looking for the scent of fear from his young Lieutenant Colonel. Seeming satisfied that Edward was able to keep it in check he continued with his orders. Edward listened intently, memorizing everything he was told regarding where and how to deploy his troop. It didn't seem as difficult as Edward thought it would be. But it was one thing to receive instructions regarding what he was to do on a map then the actuality of it when he would eventually be face to face with enemy soldiers. Pushing away the consternation that would surely render him incompetent he swept his eyes over the map for something to do as he listened to the Brigadier General. He hadn't realized just how far Drachma had invaded. He grew angry when he thought about the people who were now outside running away from their homes. That there were others that didn't, or maybe wouldn't, get a chance to run. It made him determined to not allow Locke to intimidate him. He would fulfill his duty as an officer.

His determination fueled him through the rest of his meeting with the Brigadier General. However, once outside the office with the door closed, reality settled down hard on his shoulders and it took all his strength to keep his legs from giving out. Even his automail threatened to fail him. Mustering all his courage and strength he looked over at Havoc who was patiently waiting. Edward could see in Havoc's eyes that if he normally didn't put on such a calm front he would have been pacing, biting his nails; anxious about Edward's first meeting with Locke. Edward nodded and stood tall with his head held high.

"Let's go," Edward said surprised at how confident he sounded.

Havoc smiled and followed Edward's lead.


	5. Chapter 5

The day was becoming a whirlwind of anxiety and annoyance for Edward. Any confidence he had started to feel began to fade as he stepped out of the Northern Headquarters compound. The city and its panic stricken denizens' frenzy permeated Edward's pores. He too was starting to feel the need to hurry and either run away or face the enemy. He would have liked to have run but he knew he couldn't. He would never be able to live with himself. He had already left his brother to fight and that left him with enough guilt. He didn't want to add cowardice to his many transgressions. Even Havoc looked like the people's fright was starting to affect him. His usual stoic self seemed a bit strained whenever Edward glanced at him. Edward didn't know how much more he could take of the ups and downs his emotions were going through. But he would have to deal with it as he got through the day.

As they made their way out to the outskirts of the city Havoc listed several things Edward would need to ask of the Sergeants before they moved out. It was quite a list. He would have to get reports that all communications equipment were fully functioning, that all soldiers were equipped and well stocked of both ammunition and field rations. Trying to remember everything provided a welcome distraction for him.

Once they found the troop the Sergeants put on a show of getting the men in order and standing them at attention. Then the four sergeants introduced themselves to their new commanding officer and Havoc. It was all too familiar, yet still rather annoying to Edward when they had approached Havoc first and saluted. Immediately seeing that Havoc did not wear the insignia of a Lieutenant Colonel they quickly recovered from their mistake. They gave their names and years of service: Sergeant Brody, the oldest of the four, who was a twenty year veteran and looked like he'd seen a lot of action. Sergeant Jacks, the youngest and only in the military for five years, and was probably the only one who looked upon Edward with some curiosity. Sergeant Healy, who had been in the military for fifteen years, was a large man who intimidated Edward immediately. He seemed a little soft spoken to be a Sergeant but Edward wondered if he saved a little something for ordering the enlisted men around. Last was Sergeant Sharpe, a ten year veteran. Where the other three Sergeants seemed at one with the troop, Sharpe gave the impression he wanted to be set apart and almost carried himself as a commissioned officer. All four seemed capable and once Edward had proved to be an acceptable officer to them, he felt that he would be able to trust these men to follow his orders and do their duty.

Though they were respectful in their introductions and giving their reports, Edward couldn't help but feel an aura of indifference towards him from the four Sergeants. It annoyed him even more when their attitude changed towards Havoc, like they regarded him as the one who was really in command. But Edward swallowed his annoyance knowing it wasn't going to be easy at first. Havoc had warned him he would be looked down on despite his rank. These were veterans forced to serve under the command of a younger man with no battlefield experience. They were men who had been in the military long enough and could smell a bad leader a mile away. Edward may have been in the military for five years already, but being a gifted State Alchemist meant nothing to these men until he proved he deserved their respect and they saw it with their own eyes. If Edward wasn't careful these men would swallow him whole, chew him up then spit out what was left. He tried to walk up and down the lines for a quick inspection, trying to imitate Mustang but he felt like a fool. It wouldn't work in front of these men. He couldn't show them his fear but he couldn't be an arrogant bastard either. They would just resent him even more. It was a fine line he had to walk. A false move and he would lose any chance he had to prove he would be a good commanding officer.

He was really feeling the pressure now to show what he was capable of. Not just to the men under his command or to the Brigadier General. But to himself. He had gotten himself into this mess but he was determined to get out of it by helping to win the war. Something seemed to click into place as he settled himself in front of his troop with Havoc standing to his right, slightly behind him. He looked out and saw that even if they didn't trust him yet they were still looking to him for direction. Edward wanted to make sure that they would eventually do so not just because he was their commanding officer, but because they had confidence in him.

"We move out immediately," Edward said hoping he was loud enough. "Drachma has control of the three towns that surround us to the North. We will be reinforcing the troop just outside of Great Hope. We will stay until Drachma gives up or we are told to retreat. Let's give the people of Great Hope and North City a home to return to." He wanted to say more but he couldn't think of what else to say. He figured that perhaps less was more. At least it kept him from saying too much that would inevitably lead to him sounding like a fool.

"Lieutenant," Edward said turning to Havoc.

Havoc stepped forward and started barking orders to the Sergeants who in turn faced their squads and did the same thing. As the troop began to move out and load up into the awaiting trucks, Edward felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Not too bad," Havoc commented quietly.

"Did I at least look as confident as I sounded?" Edward asked.

"No," Havoc said honestly. "But don't worry. It'll get easier."

"I hope so."

"Sir!" One of the Sergeants rushed up to Edward, saluting. "Your jeep is over here."

Edward followed the Sergeant remembering his name was Jacks. As they approached the vehicle Edward got into the front passenger seat. Sergeant Jacks began to climb in to drive but Havoc held him back.

"I'll drive, Sergeant."

"Oh, of course, sir," Jacks said looking a little disappointed as he got out then jumped onto another truck as it passed by.

"I told you that you're going to have to earn their trust," Havoc said starting the jeep and putting it into gear. "It's going to take more than just brave words. It'll take time and effort. As you go along and they see more and more of what you can do they'll come around. You'll have to build up points before you can completely win them over."

"How long do you think it will take?"

"That depends on how long you take to get the hang of being an officer."

Edward groaned.

"Don't sell yourself short," Havoc said.

"Please don't say short," Edward interrupted grumpily.

"Anyways," Havoc continued. "Mustang believes you can do this. We were all hand picked because he saw something in us that we couldn't see."

"He must have been drunk when he picked me."

"That's what I thought when he came to me. Just think of it as learning the basics of alchemy. You don't understand all the concepts at first. But with hard work and determination it becomes second nature."

"But I didn't learn alchemy in the middle of a war."

"You got me there."

Edward was told the drive would take at least five hours. It seemed like an eternity to him. It wouldn't have taken so long but there were a lot of ambulances that needed the road they traveled on with their coming and going to the battlefield, as well as supply trucks. As each hour passed the sounds of battle grew louder and louder. Edward ran through everything Brigadier General Locke had told him to tune out the noise. The towns had been taken but as a reinforcement troop it didn't just mean to defend the Great North road that lead to North City and stay in one place. If it looked like the Drachman lines weakened they were ordered to attack, to drive Drachma out of Great Hope, the town he would either be seeing for the first time or running away from.

Great Hope was one of the three towns that were to the north and northwest of North City. Each one had a nice, well maintained road and railway line that lead straight to North City. To the west of Great Hope was Nelville and to the west of Nelville was Harrington. Edward had learned he was not the only alchemist sent out. There were others who had been deployed to the other two towns but like Edward they were only human. They did not have the advantage of impure Philosopher's Stones that were available during the Ishbal rebellion and this was no annihilation campaign. They were on the defensive and they would defend their country honorably, or as honorably as can be expected in a time of war.

The Drachman army was just as heavily armed as they were. If the other two towns were not taken back and the Drachman army punched through their defenses, Edward's troop would have to retreat even if they were making progress. With the towns situated as they were, it was more advantageous to head slightly southeast towards North City, cutting off any troops that had been sent to Great Hope. Also, if the troops outside of Harrington had to fall back there would be nothing to stop Drachma from moving on towards Juniper, which was located just southwest of North City, thereby literally surrounding North City from the north and west. Edward wished he knew who the other alchemists were. If they were anything like Major Armstrong or had half the skill of Mustang than he would feel more at ease. But he knew nothing. Only what the Brigadier General told him to concern himself with. Reinforcing the troop and taking back Great Hope if possible.

"Hey."

"What?!" Edward said turning on Havoc, annoyed he had disrupted him from his thoughts.

"You're doing it again. One day you will hurt yourself thinking so hard."

"I'm just running through my orders."

"If you think too much you make too many mistakes. Besides, thinking isn't going to do you any good once fear has control of you."

"What do you know of it?"

"I haven't been in a full out war but I was involved in some skirmishes near the end of the Ishbal rebellion. Either fear or adrenaline kicks in. No amount of thinking helps. It's all instinct."

Edward understood that. He'd had those moments when the adrenaline drove him beyond what he thought capable of. He also knew what fear felt like and how paralyzing it could be.

"On a lighter note," Havoc said reaching in his pocket for a cigarette. "Who's your barber? I want to make sure I avoid him," he smirked as he lit his cigarette.

"You're just full of jokes."

Havoc let out a short laugh and reached into his pocket again. He pulled out another cigarette and handed it to Edward.

"I told you I don't smoke."

"How long do you think that will last?"

"What do you mean?"

"You will eventually. Almost all soldiers smoke. Maybe not as much as I do but its part of being a soldier. I didn't start until I joined the military so it's inevitable that you will too. It's best to get used to it without too many witnesses."

Edward reluctantly took the offered cigarette. He stopped before putting it in his mouth thinking about what Havoc had just said. _Almost all soldiers smoke_. He looked over at Havoc, who had his eyes on the road, wondering if this was his way of helping Edward to fit in. If it helped to improve his image in front of his troop than perhaps it was for the best. Resolving to learn to smoke the damn things he put it in his mouth. Havoc reached over with his lighter and lit the cigarette for Edward.

After a few hacking coughs and watery eyes later, Edward finally managed to inhale without feeling like he would cough up a lung. As he burned through that first full cigarette he found it wasn't so bad. It gave him a strange buzzing sensation throughout that was strangely calming. Edward tried to enjoy it while he had the chance knowing it would be a long time before he would get a moment of tranquility.


	6. Chapter 6

He was cold, wet, dirty, mentally and physically exhausted. Not to mention still scared out of his mind. It had been raining the last two days and non-stop bombing and rifle fire for four days straight. The sound was maddening and Edward wanted to just pound his head into the muddy earthen works to rid the echoing in his brain. But he resisted the urge and sat still as Havoc dug a bullet out of his right shoulder that had embedded itself into the joint.

His troop had arrived just in time for Edward to create ditches for the men to take cover in and not do much else. The Drachman army wouldn't let them. They had kept up a barrage of artillery going night and day. Along with sniper fire that was just as unresting and even more deadly if anyone was foolish enough to stick their head out of the ditches. Edward had tried to use alchemy to tear up the earth as far ahead of them as he could see, hoping to disrupt them. But it didn't make a difference. They were too far out of range for him but not enough that they couldn't do any damage to the Amestris army. Both Edward and Colonel Robienne, the officer charged with defending the Great North Road, had repeatedly urged North City to send out a brigade of artillery, which arrived none to soon.

The Amestrian guns fired for a full day. When a lull occurred from the answering Drachmans, Edward's troop was ordered to charge ahead. It was a minor success. They had gained fifty yards before Edward was forced to create another ditch for everyone to hide in. Before he had a chance to jump in himself he felt a push against his right shoulder. It was strong enough to have made him lose his balance and fall into the trench.

"Okay, got it," Havoc said as he popped the bullet out onto his hand and sheathed the knife he had been using. "Can you move it? You'd better make sure the bullet and I didn't do any lasting damage."

Edward moved his arm around and sighed with relief wondering what he would do if his automail had been damaged. He would have been too afraid to ask Winry for any repairs considering the last time he had seen her. He wondered if she would even care anymore whether he trashed his arm or not. It was a relief to get the bullet out. It had kept him from moving his arm up all the way. Without the offending obstruction his arm was still fully functional.

"Automail comes in handy it seems," Havoc noted. "No such luck for that poor bastard," he added indicating a soldier to his left. Edward looked and saw that the man was not as fortunate as he. The soldier's right arm was bleeding profusely from his own bullet wound.

"At least we're closer so the batteries can't do too much damage to the ditches. But it does bring us in range of more than just sniper fire," Havoc commented. Edward just nodded.

"You alright?" Havoc asked.

"No," Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Well, don't look like it," Havoc hissed back. Edward looked at him with frightened eyes then nodded, trying to compose himself.

"This is nothing. We haven't come face to face with any Drachmans yet."

Edward tried to push that thought out of his mind. _I'll worry about that when it comes_, he told himself. He looked back at the soldier with the wounded arm, thinking about how to get the other wounded out of the ditches.

"Should I create another ditch to connect this and the last one?" Edward asked Havoc. "To get the wounded out."

"Yeah, I'll get them rounded up to move out," Havoc said and started to issue orders to the Sergeants.

Edward clapped his hands together and placed his hands on the wall of the ditch. With a flash of bluish light a section of earth disappeared and continued to stretch out until a pathway was in place. He looked around him and saw that some of the soldiers were looking at him with wide eyed wonder making Edward think that this was the first time they had seen alchemy performed. He stepped aside to allow the wounded to be carried through. Leaving the men to do their work Edward left in search of Havoc.

"Any casualties?" Edward asked once he found the Lieutenant.

"No. But we just got here," Havoc warned.

"Lieutenant Colonel, Sir!"

Edward looked to see Sergeant Sharpe, who served as his communications officer, running towards him with the radio pack bouncing on his back.

"What is it Sergeant?" Edward asked dismissing the salute from Sharpe.

"Colonel Robienne," he said handing Edward the receiver.

Edward turned his back and listened hard through the static of the horrible connection. Once he got his orders he handed it back to Sergeant Sharpe. He then turned to Havoc.

"Prepare for another attack," Edward said and turned to go back down the other side of the ditch. He clenched his hands hard trying not to be overwhelmed by his fear. He could afford a bullet in his right arm or left leg. The others could not. They were within target of rifle fire and yet no machine guns had been heard. He had a feeling it was just a matter of time.

"Sergeant Healy! Get the rest of the wounded out and prepare your men for another attack," Edward heard Havoc order as he made his way to Sergeant Brody to issue orders of his own.

"Sergeant Brody, we're preparing for another advance," Edward said. Brody looked at him then down the ditch at Havoc. Seeming satisfied that Edward was giving the correct orders he set to work. Edward turned his back on the older Sergeant fuming and went back to where Havoc was waiting in position to jump out of the ditch.

Edward settled himself next to Havoc and took a deep breath. He looked up and down the trench to see that the men were ready.

"All set?" Edward asked. Havoc nodded in return. Edward looked to his left to see that Sergeant Brody had gotten into position without him seeing.

"Give the signal, Sergeant," Edward commanded bracing himself.

Brody placed a slim, silver whistle in his mouth and blew. The high pitched signal was repeated and with a roar the men threw themselves out of the trench. Edward pulled himself out then clapping his hands together he kneeled and placed them on the ground. He created a barrier fifty yards ahead of the charging men to provide them with some protection as they advanced on the Drachman troops. Returning gunfire could be heard but the shots were muffled by the barrier.

Edward caught up with the rest of the men as they took cover behind the barrier. As the troop fired into the rain Edward peeked over the rim of the barrier. He couldn't see anything. It was just a haze of smoke further beyond. He had hoped they would have gotten close enough to see something.

"That's not just the weather providing them with cover," Edward heard close by. He turned to see that Havoc was at his elbow.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"They're using more than just their own firepower to create smoke cover like that."

"Fuck."

"They must have an idea we have an alchemist with us. You need to see what you're doing so they're blinding you."

Suddenly a section of Edward's barrier blew apart further to his right. Luckily there were no men nearby. Then a few more explosions erupted behind them spraying them with mud.

"Looks like they've adjusted their guns for our advance," Havoc noted.

"Then we need to adjust our own," Edward commented.

"That's right," Havoc said with a touch of pride that Edward didn't need to be told.

"Sergeant Sharpe!" Edward yelled looking around. Another explosion not quite muffled by the barrier in front of them caused it to crumble a bit. Edward clapped his hands and placed it on the mud wall to reinforce it. When he was done he looked around for Sergeant Sharpe. Finding him down to his left he kept his head down and ran towards him. As he ran another shell exploded to his left. The force of it hurled Edward into the barrier stunning him for a moment. Shaking his head clear he continued towards his communications officer.

"Sharpe, connect me with the Colonel," Edward shouted to be heard above the din of rifle and battery fire.

"Colonel Robienne," Edward said once the connection went through and he had the receiver. "We need cover fire from artillery."

"Who is this?" Edward heard crackle through. _Fuck! I don't have time for this_, Edward thought.

"Lieutenant Colonel Elric," he yelled out as another shell dropped ten feet behind him.

"And what did you want? Have you advanced as you were ordered to?"

"Yes! We need artillery to cover us. Shells are dropping all around," Edward explained.

"We can't bring our own guns into range of their long range artillery. You're an alchemist; figure something out, _Lieutenant Colonel_."

Edward tried to maintain himself. He wondered if this was a way to teach an upstart kid a lesson or if this was normally the way of things. But he couldn't be worrying about such things at the moment. He had bigger problems. But it was all too frustrating with the explosions. It was too loud and confusing and he couldn't think straight. But he did know he couldn't retreat. He knew they were close enough that if they could just see the Drachman lines they could do some damage of their own.

As he handed the receiver back to Sergeant Sharpe, Havoc approached.

"What did the Colonel say?"

"To figure something out," Edward said then flinched as another shell dropped nearby. He looked around desperately seeing several eyes upon him, looking for answers. He felt like screaming. He could feel the panic building up inside and he headed back the way he had come just to do something to keep from losing his senses in front of everyone. He turned when he felt a hand grip his elbow. Havoc was beside him and leaned down.

"We've got to do something," he hissed.

"I know," Edward hissed back. "If I could just see what's ahead." Then his head cleared a bit and he found he could think a little clearer now. "Let's go ahead and make another charge. I know we're close enough. If we can get a little further ahead and take cover, we should be close enough for me to disrupt them somewhat. If not, we can advance again until we are."

"Sounds good." Havoc agreed. "I was almost afraid you were going to say to let you go out alone."

"I know you wouldn't let me."

"That's right. We're in this together. Whatever you do, we all do."

"Okay, prepare for another advance."

Havoc left to spread the word to the Sergeants. When the troop was in position the signal was given and they made another charge. Edward removed the barrier and they ran for it. Explosions and gun fire hailed upon them. Edward looked to his left and saw two men go down. He had a moment where he wondered why the sight of those two men falling to the ground didn't stir up any kind of reactionary emotion. Pushing the thought out of his head he focused on pushing himself harder, trying not to slip on the muddy ground. As he ran a new sound joined the cacophony. They were quick, short bursts that rattled through the air. Edward stopped when several men in front of him went down at once. He stopped and clapped his hands together and created another barrier ten feet in front of his advancing troop. As the men reached the new wall of mud they dropped below it, catching their breaths.

"Lieutenant!" Edward shouted as he caught up and dropped down next to Havoc.

"We're a little too close for comfort for them," Havoc said with a wry smile.

"I thought so. That's why they started the machine guns?"

"Yep. We should set up our own guns and return fire."

They quickly went to work to set up their own machine guns. Edward had just finished creating openings for the guns and the last one had just been put into position when Sergeant Sharpe came running up to him.

"The Colonel," he said out of breath. Edward took the receiver and put it to his ear.

"Lieutenant Colonel Elric here," he said.

"Pull back Elric."

"What?! We just set up guns to cover us for another advance..." but he was cut off.

"I said pull back. The left flank was not able to make any progress. You've advanced too far ahead of the rest of the battalion. Come back or get cut off."

"Maybe they need more time. We've gained a lot of ground! We can hold our position!"

"The battalion does not need more time if half of it is gone! Pull back now. That's an order, Elric!"

"Yes, sir," Edward said stunned. Half a battalion gone. If he didn't retreat than his own troop would add to the numbers. The thought of giving up what they had just gained was too frustrating. But the thought of being cut off and alone without any support was worse.

"Havoc! I mean Lieutenant Havoc!" Edward shouted searching through the rain and smoke of battle. "Sergeant Sharpe, begin the retreat. If you see the Lieutenant, tell him to find me."

"Yes, sir!" Sergeant Sharpe said as he saluted and trotted off to carry out his orders.


	7. Chapter 7

They were back where they started. For two days they sat holding their position as they waited for reinforcement. Edward wondered why the Drachman army didn't take advantage in the lull of firing from the Amestrian batteries. It was the perfect opportunity for them to attack the weakened Amestris line. They had placed mines, carefully plotted, to deter any sneak attacks from the enemy and to provide them with advance warning. Edward didn't like the idea of the mine field being so close. It made it impossible for them to advance quickly if the opportunity arose. They would have to set them off first and who knew how long that would take?

He looked across and saw Havoc watching him carefully. Before he could say anything Edward cleared his thoughts and tried to look relaxed before the older Lieutenant could chide him for thinking too much. He closed his eyes to try and get some sleep. It was late but most of the men were still up. Some were in the middle of a card game while others read or wrote letters to families and loved ones. Edward had tried to write a letter to his brother but all he was able to put to paper was _Dear Al_. He felt the need to do something, anything to keep from being overwhelmed by the last six days. He had nothing to read, though he doubted he would be able to focus in order to sit still long enough to do so in their present position. A game of cards looked distracting enough but he felt intimidated and was too nervous to jump into a game with the enlisted men. He didn't know if it was appropriate with him being an officer. The Sergeants had a game going but he hardly knew them and didn't feel comfortable enough to interrupt.

He opened his eyes again and looked up into the starry sky. It was a clear night. The first after the downpour they endured over the last few days. Seeing the twinkling stars made it feel like a wet, heavy blanket had been lifted off of him and he could breathe easier. He was so absorbed in finding different constellations that he barely noticed when Havoc moved to sit beside him.

"You must be bored if all you can think to do is star gaze," Havoc said handing him a cigarette.

"At least it keeps me from thinking too hard," Edward pointed out as he accepted the offer then leaned over to light it from Havoc's raised lighter. He inhaled then taking it out of his mouth he exhaled a long cloud of smoke. Leaning his head back he closed his eyes again thinking if he was going to keep smoking he'd have to get his own when he could so he didn't have to bum so many off of Havoc. It amazed him how the Lieutenant seemed to have an endless supply.

"So what's wrong, Chief? Don't you want to write any last words to your brother? Or how about that cute little blond you were dancing with at the Fuhrer's celebration?"

"That's not funny," Edward said through gritted teeth as his body stiffened.

"Oh, did that touch a nerve?" Havoc said unapologetically.

"Just shut up about it."

"Why don't you just give me a list of things I shouldn't talk about then," Havoc said undeterred by Edward. "I saw her kiss you and then you pushed her away. Now why would you do such a thing to a nice girl like that?"

"It's none of your business."

"I think it is because I think its part of the reason you're here. I just want to get an understanding why you would willingly volunteer to leave your brother after all the trouble you went through to get his body back."

"I said it's none of your fucking business."

"Fine. But I will get it out of you one day," Havoc said as he got up. "Try to get some sleep."

Edward turned away from him irritated that Havoc had brought up something he really didn't want to be thinking about. As he finished his cigarette he willed himself not to think of Al or Winry. He started to go through the elements of the periodical table to keep from dwelling on his guilty conscious that was threatening to consume him. But he stopped listing the elements when he remembered how he had used that same technique once before when Winry had traveled all the way to Briggs to adjust his automail for the northern cold. He thought it strange why he had become so embarrassed at the time when he had recalled Hawkeye saying that he loved Winry. Sure he did love her, but as a sister. He dismissed his reaction nearly a year ago as just being a foolish kid. People were always teasing him about having a girlfriend and he always reacted defensively about it. He never thought about having or trying to find a girlfriend. He didn't have the imagination to think about it and had always been consumed with finding the Philosopher's Stone. Then against his will he began to wonder what it would be like have a girlfriend. To kiss a girl that he really liked more than a sister. _Would I even be capable of that?_ He wondered. _I doubt it. No girl in their right mind would be interested in me. I'm short, loud, rude and obnoxious. Who wants to deal with that?_

Before he knew it he was fast asleep. It was a dreamless sleep and he could feel his senses on the alert. It was fortunate they were. He didn't know how long he had been sleeping but suddenly he was aware that he should wake up. When his eyes snapped open he saw a huge, shadow looming over him. He nearly yelled thinking he was about to be attacked by a bear but he choked it back when he saw the glint of moonlight reflected off of something in the shadow's hand. Bears don't hold knives he realized then rolled over to his left quickly, hooking his leg around the shadow's own. There was a heavy thump and growl of complaint but before the shadow could stand Edward brought his right arm down hard against its head. As cloud cover drifted away from the moon, the light spilled down upon the now prone form lying beside Edward and he could see the person that had just attacked him was not wearing the military blue of Amestris. It was a black uniform with silver trimmings that gleamed in the moonlight. Edward didn't have a chance to think about how he had gotten through without them hearing when he heard scuffling sounds down to his right on the other end of the trench. He could see his men engaged in their own struggles with more Drachman soldiers.

Edward pulled his gun out of the holster and fired it into the air to wake up the remaining troop to his left. Some had started to stir from Edward's own struggle but those farther down were still asleep. They were wide awake once they heard the gunshot.

"Drachmans! Down the trench!" Edward shouted as he headed off towards the melee with some soldiers at his heels.

The next Drachman he came across had Sergeant Jacks down, holding a rifle to his throat. Edward threw a head splitting punch with his automail fist knocking the Drachman over giving Jacks a chance to scramble away. He didn't have a chance to make sure the Sergeant was alright because he saw Havoc struggling with a Drachman twice his size. The Lieutenant was being held against the trench wall with a knife point too close to his neck. Edward charged into the Drachman knocking him away from Havoc who wasted no time pulling out his own handgun.

"Move, Ed!" He shouted as he took aim. Edward crawled away just in time for Havoc to fire two shots into the overgrown Drachman. But the huge man wouldn't go down. Without thinking about it Edward pointed his own gun and together with Havoc they both fired. The huge Drachman staggered back from the force of both their shots and finally fell backwards.

The adrenaline that had been rushing through him began to wane. Before it did, leaving him weakened, Edward looked down towards the trench but saw that things were being handled just fine by his troop. A wave of pride washed over him as he watched his troop work together to take down the invaders; that they were refusing to be taken out by the Drachmans just yet. But another feeling began to come upon him as he looked at the dead Drachman he had helped shoot. If the enemy soldier he had bashed over the head was dead and along with the one at his feet that meant he had killed two people. _No, three_, he corrected. _But the two Drachmans, it was okay to kill them right?_ He questioned. _It is war_.

"You alright?" Havoc asked him reaching out a hand to help him up.

"Yeah," Edward said still not at ease that he had just killed two more people. "You?" He asked still looking at the dead Drachman.

"I'm fine. Nice shot."

"Thanks," Edward said automatically, the compliment not registering.

"Let's clean this mess up now," Havoc said his hand still out towards Edward, who finally looked up. He reached up to take Havoc's hand and got back to his feet.

The troop went about rounding up the survivors of the failed Drachman raid and placing the dead in a pile outside of the trench. The soldier that had attacked Edward was dead. He hadn't realized he had used so much force. His arm and hand was stained with blood from crushing the man's skull. He tried washing it off with his canteen of water, rubbing vigorously. It wasn't enough to get rid of all the evidence of the Drachman's death. He had to try extremely hard not to be sick as he pulled out the Drachman's hair that had stuck in the joints of his knuckles.

"You're looking a little green there, Chief," Havoc commented as he kneeled next to Edward.

He hated to ask for help but he knew if he continued he would be sick and he wasn't about to puke in front of everyone. He held out his automail to show Havoc.

"The Drachman's hair is stuck," he said but stopped feeling the contents of his stomach rise. He got up quickly and found the connecting path he had created to connect the two trenches. Rushing down it into the safety of the dark, he let it loose. When there was nothing left he slid to the ground and put his head against his knees, his right arm hanging useless beside him, wanting it as far away from him as possible. He heard footsteps and looked up to see Havoc approach. He kneeled in front of Edward and flicked a flashlight on.

"Let me see," he said. Edward reluctantly put out his right arm. As Havoc started to pull out the hairs Edward put his head to his knees once again to avoid watching.

"Hey, it's alright. You did well. I think you surprised a lot of the men with your quick thinking," Havoc said encouragingly.

"Fuck! What the fuck was I thinking coming here?!" Edward responded, obviously not listening. He could feel himself starting to shake and tears threatened to spill. He closed his eyes tight not wanting to cry in front of Havoc.

"It's way too late to leave now. You've got to put it behind you and move on."

"I'm sure this gives you something nice to report to Mustang. The Fullmetal Alchemist can't stomach a little blood on his hand."

"Knock it off Ed. I may be here under Mustang's orders but I'm no snitch. _You_ are my commanding officer now. If we're going to get through this war we're going to have to work together and trust each other. And you're going to have to get used to this. We're at war. It's not going to be pretty."

"Well, I might be able to trust you more if you weren't so damn tall," Edward said trying to lighten the mood hoping it would stop him from shaking so much. He knew Havoc was right. As a State Alchemist he knew there would be time when he would be called upon to be a human weapon. He had tried not to think about it too much. Now it had come back and slapped him in the face. He took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself.

Havoc smiled at seeing Edward being somewhat his old self. "So what's the deal? _Should_ I tell the Fuhrer he made a mistake or are you going to stick it out?"

"I'll be fine. But I'm not going to get used to killing people."

"You're not human if you enjoy such things."


	8. Chapter 8

Two guards were found with their throats slit, left where they were like discarded rag dolls. They never had the chance to defend themselves. Havoc explained to Edward that the Drachmans who had attacked probably circled around them on their right side. When Edward reported the nighttime skirmish he received a begrudging commendation from Colonel Robienne. He could have cared less. He was just glad his troop faired better than the troop on the far western flank. The Drachmans had launched a similar attack and took out half the troop that was left.

The battalions deployed to the south of Great Hope had not been able to make any kind of progress. The Drachmans were stubborn and aggressive but so far had not taken advantage of a much weakened Amestrian line. They were spread thin from the many casualties they had sustained. They were now left to hold what ground they still had and wait for reinforcements and nobody knew when they would get any. A fresh supply of troops was hard to come by with fighting still continuing around the western and southern borders of Amestris.

Edward didn't know if it would be worse to continue sitting where he was uselessly, or to be thrown back into the confusion of battle. Either way, the uncertainty of not knowing what was to come was gnawing at him. He was on edge with the thought that Drachma would get tired of waiting and push their weight around before they had a chance to reinforce their lines. It made him grumpy and irritable. He normally had no problem taking out his frustrations by being rude and disrespectful but he didn't dare do it in front of the troop. Havoc had finally given up on talking to him when all he got were grunts for responses.

It was getting darker and the temperature started to drop. Camp fires had sprung up and soldiers were gathered around trying to keep warm. The Drachman raid the night before made Edward jumpy as he sat alone in the darkness. Whenever he heard rustling sounds in the dark he would stiffen, anticipating another attack. Then a soldier's face would emerge, lit from the warm light of one of the campfires and Edward would release the air from his lungs he had been holding in, his tense muscles relaxing a bit. Despite his jumpiness the darkness caused he still appreciated that it was dark so the men couldn't see his nervousness.

He wanted to sit by one of the fires to warm himself but he preferred to be alone to brood so he shrunk further into his heavy overcoat but it didn't relieve his shivering. He was glad he still had the automail that was adapted for the northern cold to keep him from getting frostbite. It wasn't nearly cold enough for him to really worry about it but he also didn't know how long they would have to stay where they were. They could be stuck there throughout autumn and into winter. But having two metal limbs against his body did little to help him retain any body heat.

"Lieutenant Colonel, sir," he heard someone say hesitantly.

He looked up to see Sergeant Jacks standing several feet in front of him looking extremely nervous.

"I made some coffee," he said holding out a cup. "Would you like some?"

"Sure," Edward said reaching out for the coffee. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Sergeant Jacks said looking relieved that Edward had accepted his offer. "I'd like to thank you for earlier. For helping with that Drachman."

"You don't have to thank me for that. You would have done the same for me."

"I'm glad you think so because I would, sir," Jacks said with a little lopsided smile. "I was scared out of my mind back there. See, I have a wife and a baby boy. I was scared I almost didn't get to see them again," he rushed on.

"Anyways," he continued. "I'll leave you alone now, sir. Thanks again."

"Thanks for the coffee," Edward said just as Jacks saluted and turned to leave.

"No problem at all, sir," he said then rejoined the other Sergeants and Havoc by the campfire.

Edward brought the cup of coffee to his lips for a drink. He was looking forward to the hot liquid so was disappointed that he had to force himself not to spit it out. Sergeant Jacks liked his brew strong. A little too strong for Edward's tastes. He contented himself with holding the cup to warm his left hand. He looked over again at the campfire where Havoc and the four Sergeants were sitting around. All of them were talking and smoking. Edward longed for a cigarette to help keep him warm but he still wasn't feeling comfortable about joining them. He had no problem with Havoc but he was still intimidated by the others, though he was sure Jacks would welcome him now.

When his coffee was too cold and useless to keep his hand warm he kept himself occupied by drawing transmutation circles on a scrap of paper. It had been so long since he needed to use them since he only had to clap his hands together to circulate energy to perform alchemy. But he figured it would help keep his mind occupied and that it could come in handy to remember which circle to use and when. He was absorbed in trying to remember how to draw a particular circle when he heard Havoc call out to him.

"Hey Ed, come over here and check this out," Havoc said waving him over.

Edward got up, stuffing the paper and pencil into his coat pocket and approached the campfire. As he came within the circle of the warm fire he saw that Sergeant Brody had his sleeve rolled up, revealing a rather intricate tattoo that the others were admiring.

"Nice work, huh?" Havoc said with his cigarette clenched between his teeth. "Brody did it himself."

"Really?" Edward said as he admired the tattoo. "It's nice."

"Nice! Is that all you can say about it?" Havoc said astonished. "It's a work of art!"

"What do you know of tattoos?" Edward questioned.

"What do I know," Havoc said as he took his overcoat off and began rolling up his own sleeve. On the inside of his right forearm was a tattoo of a rather busty woman with a list of names under the feet. "This is to remind me of all my girlfriends I've had to ditch because of Mustang."

The four men around the campfire laughed.

"This is fairly new," Brody commented as he examined the body art of a rival.

"Yeah, only a couple months," Havoc said.

"I could have given you a better one than that," Sergeant Brody said looking at it with distaste.

"Well, I got it from a friend who was just as drunk as I was," Havoc said rolling his sleeve down. "Hey Ed, you should get one."

"What?! No. Why would I?" Edward protested.

"Come on, you're not a man unless you have one," Havoc pressed. "You need something to commemorate surviving your first battle."

"Isn't getting out alive enough?"

"No. Once you get one then and only then will you be a real soldier, right boys?" Havoc said looking to the Sergeants who all agreed.

"Come on Lieutenant Colonel," Brody said. "I've got a steady hand and will ink whatever you want."

"Really Ed, get one. It's no big deal," Havoc said looking at Edward knowingly.

Edward was trapped. He couldn't back down. Not in front of his own Sergeants. Plus he figured it would help in the eyes of his own men that he was like them. This was the first time he had been included in their group. He didn't know if it was exactly appropriate but he thought it would help to gain their trust if he appeared as just one of the men. But he knew that too was a fine balance. He couldn't appear too friendly with them and have them take advantage of him. But he couldn't totally seclude himself, which would just cause distrust. Distrust that could leak out into the battlefield where they wouldn't follow his orders. He would have to tread carefully. But with Havoc's urgings, he could tell that this was something he should do. Though he didn't understand how marking himself for the rest of his life was really going to help the men see him differently.

"All right," Edward said giving in.

It didn't take him long to decide what to get and drew a picture of what he wanted. Sergeant Brody then, without sketching an outline, set to work on Edward's left arm, at the spot he wanted, just below his shoulder. As Edward sat still, trying very hard not to shiver from the cold so he wouldn't disrupt Brody, he laughed at himself wondering how he was able to sit still as the Sergeant poked him continuously with a needle. He hated needles. _Maybe it's just needles with medicine_, Edward thought. _Like the ones I endured during the automail surgery_. He suppressed a shudder thinking about the pain of having each nerve connected in order for him to control the automail. Losing an arm and leg was nothing compared to enduring the seemingly endless surgery.

"He doesn't even flinch," Sergeant Healy said commenting on Edward's stillness.

"This is nothing compared to having my automail reinstalled," Edward said. He hadn't meant to say it but it came out before he could stop himself since he had been thinking about his automail.

"How did you lose your arm, sir?" Sergeant Jacks asked.

Edward looked over at Havoc. He was almost positive that Havoc knew the truth. The look in his eyes told Edward that he did. They also told him it wouldn't be prudent to tell the truth. Just because the military had been purged of corruption didn't mean he could announce he had lost his limbs performing illegal human transmutation.

"Civil war in the east," Edward said using the familiar lie.

"Did it hurt?"

"Jacks!" Sergeant Brody exclaimed exasperated, stopping what he was doing to look at the younger Sergeant. "What the hell do you think? He lost an arm."

"And a leg," Havoc added. The four Sergeants seemed to have all gasped at once. Then an uncomfortable silence fell upon the group.

"Well," Brody said and cleared his throat. "Do you think it would feel good to lose an arm and leg, Jacks?"

"Of course not! I just asked because I've heard when something traumatic happens that sometimes the body shuts down to keep from feeling the pain."

"Unfortunately I felt it," Edward said flexing his right hand unconsciously. There were times when he felt the pain just as intensely as that day. Even after seven years the pain was still fresh in his memory.

"What does it feel like to have the automail reinstalled?"

"Fuckin Jacks," Brody muttered as he set back to work. "You're just full of stupid questions tonight."

"I'm just curious," Sergeant Jacks said in his defense. "I've never known anyone with automail. Are my questions bothering you, Lieutenant Colonel?"

"No," Edward said. Nobody had ever asked him about such things regarding his automail. He had gotten so used to it that it was almost like his own flesh and blood. He thought it strange that anyone would be curious.

"So how does it feel?" Jacks asked again.

"Like you hit your funny bone in that one spot that just hurts like hell. There's a nerve there so just imagine that pain times a thousand all at once."

"And the surgery?"

"Worse."

The men sat in silence. Edward hadn't noticed that Brody had stopped what he was doing. When he started again he picked up a little too vigorously finally causing Edward to flinch.

"Sorry, sir," Brody apologized when he had felt Edward move.

Edward looked over at Havoc once again. There was a look on the Lieutenant's face like something he had wanted to happen just went as planned. He pulled out the silver flask and handed it to Edward who took it with resignation. Taking a swig, trying to hold back a grimace he wiped his mouth and handed the flask to Brody who took a drink and handed it back. Edward then gave the flask back to Havoc who passed it along to the other three Sergeants.

Three days later Edward was peeling the bandage away from his raw tattoo. It was something simple, the only thing he could think of to get under such pressure. As he looked at it, the more he liked it. It was of a cross with a serpent entwined around it. The mark of an alchemist. He hadn't been feeling like much of an alchemist lately. He had been able to use his skills to help protect his troop but he was worried what more he would end up doing during the course of the war. By getting that particular tattoo he hoped that it would remind him that no matter how far off the path of an alchemist he had traveled, that perhaps he really hadn't strayed too far away. That in the end, when the war was over, that everything he had done was for the good of the people.


	9. Chapter 9

The Amestrian army had finally made some progress. It had taken nearly three weeks for reinforcements to arrive and when they did they brought along two more battalions of artillery. The continuous bombing had picked up again and finally succeeded in driving the Drachman lines back. They were now close enough to start spilling into the outskirts of Great Hope to retake the city. But there was one stubborn Drachman gun that refused to back down. It had a line of loyal troops with grenade launchers that kept back all of Edward's attempts at advancing any further.

He was nearly in sight of the Drachman line. He only needed to push his troop a little further. They were making a run for it when a shell dropped in front of them and the world exploded. Dirt, bodies and debris went everywhere. The last thing Edward saw was Havoc's back speeding towards him. Havoc crashed into him and Edward landed flat on his back with the heavy Lieutenant knocking the wind out of him.

"Havoc!" Edward yelled trying to push him off. "You alright?" When he got no response Edward panicked.

"Lieutenant Havoc!" He tried to shake the prone Havoc but still no response. _Damn it, damn it, damn it!_ Edward thought as he tried to roll Havoc off of him. _Fuck, he better be alright!_

He finally pulled himself from under Havoc and felt for a pulse. It was there, steady and sure. Edward let out a sigh of relief. He looked around and saw the rest of his troop picking themselves up, shaking their heads to clear out the ringing in their ears from the too close for comfort explosion. Edward didn't know what to do. He was supposed to take out that battery. With Edward's small troop it couldn't do much damage. But a battalion was coming up behind him. He had to provide them with safe passage or else the gun would decimate them. But he wasn't sure how he would do it without Havoc to help him out. What about his troop? Half of them were still stunned from the shell. What of Havoc and the others knocked unconscious, how would they get them out? He needed all his men. Should he leave them and return later or hope the medical field staff would be around soon?

_Think, Edward, think! Now! Make up your mind! No! Just do something! There's no time to think or analyze!_

He quickly clapped his hands together to make another barrier to protect them from rifle and machine gun fire. Then he quickly looked around, searching for any conscious Sergeants.

"Sergeant Healy! You and one other stay back and pull the unconscious out of range of that battery! Sergeant Brody! Gather everyone else together. We've got to take out that gun before it does anymore damage!"

"But sir! What about the Lieutenant?" Brody protested. "How are you going to be able to handle anything without Lieutenant Havoc?"

"He's right, sir," Sergeant Healy joined in. "We need the Lieutenant."

"We'll manage. Just follow my orders."

"But the Lieutenant..."

"Lieutenant Havoc is not in command," Edward said snapping under the pressure. He didn't want to sound like he thought little of his Lieutenant but he was desperate to get them out of the situation. Something had to be done. "I may be young but I was given this command for a reason and you will follow my orders!"

Sergeant Brody and Healy both looked as if they had been slapped in the face by the young Lieutenant Colonel's stern outburst. Another shell dropped behind them awaking the Sergeants to their soldier instincts to follow their officer's orders without question. Quickly recovering their senses Healy set to work with another soldier to drag the unconscious together and Brody took off to follow his own orders. Edward, bent double behind his barrier, went up and down helping to put soldiers into place, issuing orders to the other two Sergeants who were not affected by the shell blast.

"As soon as I drop the barrier we run for it. Don't stop till you see the whites of their eyes!" He commanded once everyone was in place.

As soon as Edward rid them of their protection the rest of his troop ran. He ran with all his might, dodging great holes in the ground from bomb blasts, hearing a couple of lucky shots ricochet off his automail. He pushed himself harder, feeling the motors in his left leg begin to whine in protest. Willing them to go faster, cursing the sudden heaviness in his leg, he continued on. He was close now. He could just see through the smoke of gunfire small domes bobbing up and down from their hiding places. Clapping his hands together he stopped and placed them on the ground. A wave of earth and stone grew from the ground. It coursed through the remaining distance like a tidal wave. He heard loud shouts of fear as the Drachmans watched as the dirt wave came crashing over them, entombing them in the ground.

Several soldiers stopped and cheered in triumph until one took a bullet in the chest, collapsing to the ground.

"Keep going!" Edward shouted getting up to run after his troop that had passed him by. "Don't stop! There's more!"

Edward could see Drachmans running to meet them hand to hand. He had only managed to trap the first line of their defense. A second line had broken cover and was coming at them, climbing over the mound of dirt that trapped their comrades. Everyone was running so fast that Edward didn't have a chance to really stop the Drachmans before they clashed with his own troop. It was more instinct that he drew his handgun in anticipation of the close fighting he was about to encounter.

He fired a shot at a Drachman coming straight for him and the man fell. Edward jumped over the body and seeing Brody tussling with another Drachman, ran straight for him. Knocking the Drachman down and giving a good kick to his face he went down and Edward turned back to Brody.

"Come with me Sergeant," he said grabbing the older man by the arm and practically dragging him along. Leaving the troop and the other Sergeants to take care of the Drachmans on foot Edward went straight for the gun.

It was odd how it was suddenly so easy to get so close to the Drachman gun. There were a handful of soldiers guarding the gun, their rifles poised to fire. Edward and Brody dropped into one of the Drachmans' own trenches. It was deserted but for the usual debris of living in a trench for days. Empty cans and spent rifle shells along with pieces of trash were littered about. Edward looked over the edge and clapping his hands together he placed them on the edge of the trench. Another wave of dirt accelerated rapidly towards the guards around the gun. Edward couldn't see the looks on their faces but he was sure their mouths dropped in terror seeing the huge avalanche of earth coming straight for them. He had done the same thing, trapping the Drachmans in a temporary grave. He hated to think of it as such but it was what it was. He wouldn't leave them there. Once the gun was disarmed and they had the area secured he would release them. He knew they would have plenty of air for the time being.

Edward and Brody lifted themselves from the trench. They ran to the gun. Two soldiers fired at them from behind the great artillery. Brody dropped to his knee and fired a few quick shots, hitting one of the soldiers. Edward kept going. As he got closer the other soldier broke cover and came at him with the end of the rifle aimed for Edward's head. He brought the stock down hard but Edward ducked under his arm in time, knocking the Drachman off balance. He turned quickly and kneed the Drachman in the stomach. Leaving him to Brody, Edward rushed to the gun. Clapping his hands together he placed them on the side of the artillery and with a flash of bluish light that ran along the barrel, sealed it shut.

"Sergeant Brody!" Edward said as he walked back to the older man who was trying to catch his breath. "Find Sergeant Sharpe. Have him contact Colonel Robienne and tell him we've secured the gun."

"Yes, sir," Brody said saluting as he went back to the rest of the troop.

Edward stood for a moment looking around. He had anticipated more troops guarding the gun and to have a swarm of Drachmans coming out of the city to welcome his own troop. It didn't feel right. Something was wrong. It shouldn't have been this easy after the stubborn offense they had been struggling with from the Drachmans.

As he looked around he noticed a shack to his right, nestled amongst some trees. Edward slowly approached it. He knew he shouldn't go alone, in case there were more Drachmans lying in wait. But he was capable of taking care of himself.

As he came into the little wooded area everything around him seemed unusually quiet. No birds sang their songs, scared from their nests from the sounds of battle. Not even a breeze rattled through the leaves that were left in the spindly trees. It was so quiet Edward didn't dare breathe in fear of giving himself away. From what he didn't know, but the ominous feeling he had made him tense as his footsteps crunched over the dead leaves on the ground. As he got close to the shack he stepped carefully around it trying to keep the sound of his footsteps from being too loud. He edged around the rickety wood building dropping low. He paused for a moment when he thought he heard something. He strained to listen. He thought he could hear a slight whimpering noise followed by short, rasping breaths. Bracing himself he reached for the door handle. Opening the door quickly he jumped into the room and dodged to the side his handgun held out in front of him. Across from him, sitting against the opposite wall was a Drachman soldier with a sarcastic grin on his face. He was unarmed and smoking like he didn't have a care in the world. Edward quickly took stock of the room and nearly cried out in horror. To his far right a half dressed girl lay on the floor, her neck slit. Her near-dead eyes stared straight ahead and her last breaths rattled through her pale lips as she lay in a pool of blood. Edward looked back at the Drachman who slowly put his hands in the air. Edward noted the bloodstains on the man's pant legs; his fly was still undone.

"I surrender," the man said with indifference, lazily putting his cigarette in his mouth. He got up slowly, redoing his fly and put his hands in the air. He walked toward the door and without looking back at Edward stepped out of the shack. Edward followed then stopped at the entrance watching the man's back. A bubbling hatred began to boil and simmer within the depths of his soul. He looked back at the girl as she released her last breath and closed his eyes tight, trying to maintain the hatred that threatened to overtake him. But it couldn't be stopped, it would not be contained. He looked back at the Drachman, lifted his gun and fired.

He stood where he was for a moment, the gunshot echoing, seething with the raw emotion that had torn through him. He looked upon the dead Drachman without seeing or comprehending anything, blinded by the hatred that still coursed through him. Sergeant Brody came running around the corner of the shack with his rifle at the ready. He looked from the dead soldier then to Edward with questioning eyes.

"He tried to run," Edward said quietly. Regaining some kind of control over his emotions he stepped out of the shack. "See that the girl in there gets a proper burial."


	10. Chapter 10

It was like a pressure cooker that had exploded in their face. It seemed that the entire Drachman army had been unleashed upon the section of Great Hope the Amestrian military had managed to re-take. Now they were forced to relinquish the town once again. All their hard work, all they had managed to gain, all the lives that were lost in the process was for nothing.

Edward had been right feeling it had been too quiet when he finally had taken the gun out. The Drachman line had retreated then circled around to the east nearly surrounding Edward's troop and the battalion that had come up behind him. They had barely managed to retreat without being cutoff from the Great Northern Road. But none of that had seemed to matter to Edward. He didn't know how he managed to get his troop out. How he had managed to issue orders. He couldn't even think straight. All he could see were those dead girl's lifeless eyes, the dead Drachman on the ground and his fresh blood pumping out of his back. He couldn't look anyone in the eye. He couldn't even sleep once they had retreated far enough away to reestablish a new line of defense.

He had placed extra guards but he still felt it wasn't enough. The Drachmans seemed like they were always one step ahead of them. It was a wonder they hadn't managed to take control of the entire country already and he was completely helpless to do anything about it other than to follow his orders. He tried hard not to think bitterly of his own superior officers. He would be doing the very same thing he didn't want his own men to be thinking towards him. He was sure they were doing the best they could but it couldn't be helped to think there was more that could be done. But he also knew that the Amestrian military was being stretched thin. He just hoped they didn't end up getting ripped to pieces.

He was alone once again, sitting, watching, trying very hard not to let his guilt or his unease consume him. He was frustrated by his inexperience. He thought he had seen and done so much. That he could handle anything. That he had already seen hell. But none of that had prepared him for the horrors of war and the things he would end up doing. He had managed to get his troop through the last few battles without too many casualties but he still didn't feel he had earned the respect of his men. It was obvious by the way Brody and Healy had questioned him about continuing without his Lieutenant. Plus, having to retreat from Great Hope and almost losing Havoc the other day hadn't improved his mood and he was still haunted by what he had done. He hadn't meant to shoot that man in the back. He was going to take him as a prisoner. But he had allowed his emotions to take over. It frightened him how suddenly he had aimed and fired. That he was so quick to pass judgment and punish the man. True, they were in the middle of a war but he should have controlled himself and taken the man as a prisoner. But that wouldn't have been enough. The girl deserved some justice. Taking the man as a prisoner, letting him sit out the war with three square meals a day wasn't justice. _Equivalent exchange. A life for a life_, Edward thought then was immediately disgusted with himself. _No, that's not right. Don't go down that path, Edward. _

Sergeant Brody approached and gave him a cup of coffee that turned out to be a good strong drink. Edward gulped it down quickly ignoring the questioning and concerned look in the older Sergeant's eyes. He handed the cup back and mumbled a quick 'Thanks' then turned away, not wanting any company. He wanted to be rid of the images in his head of the dead girl and the Drachman he had shot in the back. They gnawed at the inside of his brain and the alcohol helped numb it a bit so he could sleep. He was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, his head on his arms. It was in that position he finally drifted off to sleep. But after a while the images returned in his dreams and he woke himself before it got worse finding that he was drenched in sweat.

He ended up being ordered back to North City. Havoc and the others that had been affected by the shell were transferred to the military hospital there. Most of them had sustained mild concussions and other various injuries from the shock wave of the shell blast. As a precaution they were on a couple days bed rest and so the rest of Edward's troop was allowed two days of rest as well to await the recovery of their Lieutenant and fellow comrades. Edward took advantage of being away from the responsibilities of commanding a troop. He visited with Havoc, who was not too happy about being stuck in a hospital and the others as well. He could see Havoc looking at him the same way Brody did and tried to keep the conversation light hearted so Havoc wouldn't probe him. He had tried to not look so moody but he was never one to hide his emotions very well. He was very good, however, at making it obvious he didn't want to talk about them.

After his visit he decided to wander around to see what was left of the once-bustling city. It was mostly quiet. The refugees had gone south in anticipation of the Drachmans breaking through the Amestrian line. It hadn't happened but it was better to be out of the way in the eventuality of an invasion upon their fair city. There were some shops open. The practical ones such as bakeries, grocery stores and diners. Flower, gift and clothes shops had been boarded up. No use making it easy for a Drachman army to loot the place. The places that were still open were usually filled with officers and soldiers, about all that was left in North City, with a mixture of brave citizens who didn't want to leave their homes to the mercy of their enemies.

Edward meandered around lost in his thoughts. He happened upon a smoke shop and for the first time in a few days thought of something else other than his guilt. He went in and bought himself his own supply of cigarettes and a lighter. Wanting to maintain his focus on accomplishing such minor tasks he went in search of some gloves. He had left his behind and thought a thicker set would be better for the northern weather. He found a military supply store and found a pair of thick, black, leather gloves. Not able to think of much else to do he took his purchases back to his encampment. It was mostly deserted. The men were on their own excursions through the city, except for a few stragglers. He didn't want to be alone in the encampment so keeping his lighter with him and some cigarettes he went back to the streets of North City.

He hoped to find something to do. Anything to keep his mind occupied. He was mentally worn out from his constant obsessing over his guilt. He came across a noisy tavern. There were mostly soldiers inside playing cards and drinking. He remembered the drink Brody had given him and wanted another for its numbing affect. He wondered if he would even be able to get one since he was only seventeen. But his old cockiness returned when he thought about the fact that he was an officer in the Amestrian military. If he was old enough to be a Lieutenant Colonel than he was definitely old enough to get a drink if he damn well pleased. With a determined air he went in, trying not to look like a kid playing dress up in his father's uniform. He went straight to the bar and ordered a drink. There was an older man tending the bar and he looked Edward up and down. The old man's eyes traveled over the insignia on Edward's uniform and then looked him in the eye. He seemed hesitant, like he didn't believe this young man was an officer, but Edward laid down his money and met the barkeep's eyes. The barkeep seemed to give in to Edward's determined eyes and poured a drink for him. Edward was amazed how easy it was to swallow the fire-hot drink so he ordered another.

"Look, son," the old man said worriedly. "Don't you think you're too young?"

"No," Edward said and put more money on the bar. "If I'm old enough to die for my country than I don't think I'm _too young _to buy a drink if I want to," he added.

The man sighed and poured him another drink. After Edward polished that one off he asked for the whole bottle. He turned to look around at the room. It was smoky and the noise of conversation and laughter was music to his ears after enduring weeks of rifle fire and explosions. Nearby were some officers and enlisted men engaged in a game of cards. Edward watched for a while and when they finished the hand they were playing, the alcohol he had just drunk made him rather bold and he asked to join. Ignoring the looks of surprise of someone so young with the rank of Lieutenant Colonel he sat in when they agreed to let him sit down.

Edward didn't bother to introduce himself or to find out who the other men were. The two officers were Lieutenants who had been playing cards with a Sergeant and two enlisted men. One of the enlisted men was a big bull of a man who was getting angrier and angrier as the night wore on. He wasn't too happy about losing so much money to an officer. Especially to one that was just a kid. It was a mixture of alcohol, resentment towards the young Lieutenant Colonel and the loss of his cash that loosened his tongue.

Edward had been drinking heavily throughout the night, trying to enjoy the poker game and forget about the last month. He had been feeling moody all day and he needed to take his frustrations out. Drinking and playing cards seemed to help at first and brought back fond memories of cheating his little brother for the hell of it. It was different to be playing with more than one other person but it was easy for Edward to adjust. The other men were not very good and Edward had a good mind for strategizing even if he was numbed down from the alcohol. But as the night continued the fun he was having was slowly diminished as the enlisted man kept mumbling under his breath questioning each hand Edward had won. The man was huge and intimidated Edward at first but after half a bottle of whiskey he no longer seemed so scary.

"Do you have something to say to me?" Edward finally asked as he raked his winnings towards him.

"No sir," the big bull of a man said petulantly, and then under his breath added, "I guess it's easy for a cheat to become an officer."

Edward froze and stared at the soldier dangerously. The conversation at their table stopped suddenly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," Edward said with an edge in his voice, eyeing the man.

"I said I guess it's easy for a cheat to become an officer," the man said louder. Then the noise level in the tavern dropped. He hadn't been that loud but it was the tension that could be felt, as if their soldiers' instincts had alerted them to trouble brewing.

"Do you have a problem losing to me?" Edward demanded.

"I have a problem losing to a cheat."

"Can you prove I cheated?" Edward questioned getting angry but marveling how he was keeping it in check because he had sounded so calm.

"No, but I can prove you don't deserve to be an officer."

"Really," Edward said liking the challenge. He gave the man an evil smile and narrowed his eyes. "Let's see."

Then the man seemed to think better of it. He had seen the pocket watch and Edward was still an officer. Not someone you get away with challenging to a fight.

"No sir, sorry sir," the man said quietly, trying to get out of it.

"Why not? Are you worried about this?" Edward said as he removed the pocket watch then slipped out of his jacket. He placed both on the table before him and stood up.

"Let's pretend that I'm not a State Alchemist or an officer," Edward said wanting the man to take the bait.

"Nice offer," the man said. "But I'd feel bad kicking the shit out of little kid like you."

Edward snapped. He took a swing at the enlisted man but missed. His reflexes were not as quick as they usually were and the man seemed to be anticipating the move. Or just better at holding his liquor than Edward was. The man then took a swing at Edward who ducked just in time and punched the man in the stomach. His punch didn't seem to do much harm to the enlisted man despite having been hit with an automail fist. The man grabbed Edward's arm and threw him into the edge of the bar. Edward winced in pain but had to ignore it as he saw the man's fist coming at him. He dodged it in time but the man caught him and threw him around again. Edward went crashing into the table they had been playing cards at. The other men had long scrambled away but cards and glasses went flying everywhere. Edward rolled off the table quickly and came at the enlisted man. He managed another swing towards the man's face and connected but then received one in return. He fell to the ground and tried to roll away to avoid being kicked in the stomach. But too much alcohol and one too many hits were starting to take a toll on him. He barely managed to roll away but he wasn't fast enough. The enlisted man grabbed a hold of Edward's collar and pinned him down. He gave the Fullmetal Alchemist two swift punches to his stomach then one to the face. The large man's fist was pulled back for another but he didn't follow through.

Edward heard someone yell "This fight is over!" The commotion that had erupted when Edward and the enlisted man had started fighting died suddenly. He thought he recognized the voice but he couldn't tell as he tried to recover his senses. He tried to get up on his own but he was pulled roughly by the arm and practically dragged out of the bar. He looked up to see that it was Havoc and he didn't dare protest his own Lieutenant dragging him around like a rag doll. He was too scared to say anything. He'd never seen Jean with such a wild fury in his usually calm eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Havoc had just been cleared by the medical staff but only after he had threatened a young doctor who didn't know any better. He still had a maddening headache but he wasn't going to be stuck in bed after the year he had already spent in one. Besides, he had to look for Edward. He could tell there was something wrong with the Fullmetal Alchemist and didn't trust him to be alone. Havoc didn't find him at their encampment but found Sergeant Brody instead. He got the full report from Brody how Edward had put him in his place and successfully took out the gun. He then told Havoc that he did see Edward return to the encampment but immediately left again, so Havoc went in search of him. He was starting to get anxious as the hours passed and he still couldn't find Edward. He didn't think Edward would go into any taverns but he checked them anyways. After searching a couple that were still operating and no sign of the blond teenager he continued his search, growing impatient and nervous. He found another bar that seemed rather lively and as he entered the commotion he heard from outside had doubled. Soldiers were gathered around all looking at one point, shouting and cheering.

"Crack that alchemist's head open!" Havoc heard someone shout and immediately knew what was going on. He pushed and shoved his way through the crowd. When he saw Edward fighting a huge enlisted man Havoc was furious. He was usually able to keep himself in check but he could feel himself starting to shake with anger. He knew soldiers were prone to fighting when they had too much to drink. But for Edward to pick a fight with a man that huge, Havoc had a suspicion what Edward was trying to do. Ignoring his rank and Edward's he rushed forward pulled his gun and pointed it at the enlisted mans head before he could take another swing at Edward who was lying on the ground. The man hearing the click of the gun stopped.

"This fight is over!" Havoc shouted angrily. Slowly everyone wandered away from the scene and went back to their card games. There were officers that outranked the Lieutenant but none of them wanted to be reported for having instigated and promoted a fight between another officer and an enlisted man. Havoc grabbed Edward roughly up by his arm and pulled him out of the tavern. He had never been so angry at anyone before he was literally seeing red. He dragged Edward around to the side of the building into a small alleyway. He pinned Edward against the wall with his arm pressed hard against Edward's throat. He looked around knowing he could be court marshaled for assaulting a superior officer. But at the moment he didn't care.

"What is wrong with you?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" He shouted furiously.

"Maybe," Edward managed through his blocked windpipe.

"If you want to die then I'll just kill you myself!"

"I order you...release..."

"Don't pull that shit on me Ed! Now tell me what you were thinking?!"

"I...can't...breathe..." Edward tried to say clawing at Havoc's arm.

"Good! Maybe a lack of air will clear out that head of yours!"

"Jean...stop...please..." Edward pleaded panicked. "I'm sorry..."

Havoc released him and Edward slid down the wall getting as much air into his lungs as he could. Havoc paced before Edward allowing him to catch his breath. He looked horrible. He had a bloody nose, a fat lip and a red welt on his cheek. Soon he'd have a bruise across the neck to match. He also looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep. There were dark circles under his eyes and they were blood shot from the lack of sleep and from drinking throughout the night.

"I can't do this anymore," Edward finally said. "I'm not a soldier, I can't lead those men," he added miserably.

"Well, it's too late for that," Havoc said still pacing in front of him. "Besides, Brody told me what happened. It sounds like you were able to manage everything on your own."

"I can't expect them to behave a certain way if I can't," Edward said not listening.

"I don't think it's that hard to stay out of a fight."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what are you talking about?" Havoc asked exasperated. Edward seemed on the verge of telling him something but he was talking in circles. Havoc was already upset. He wasn't in the mood to be trying to sort through Edward's riddles and one sided conversations with himself. The kid was really starting to try Havoc's patience.

"A Drachman I killed. I shot him in the back."

"It's war, it's not the first time you've killed a Drachman."

"I found him with some girl he had just killed and he surrendered. I was intending to take him in as a prisoner but the thought of that poor girl he killed took over and I shot him in the back for her."

"Hell, Ed. Is that all?" Havoc said sighing, sitting down next to Edward. "Anyone else would have done the same thing."

"But that wasn't the first time I've done something like that. Where I took matters into my own hands," Edward said angrily. "I tried and convicted him, then carried out his punishment."

"What do you mean it wasn't the first time?" Havoc asked surprised. He had gone through Edward's file. There was nothing in it to indicate any deaths that Edward had directly caused. Mustang kept a tight leash on the kid and knew everything he had done as a State Alchemist. Unless there was something that happened during the time Edward had gone missing in the north during the search for Scar, the alchemist serial killer, Havoc wondered.

"Kimbley," was all Edward said.

"Zolf Kimbley. The Crimson Alchemist, who disappeared in the North?" Havoc said relieve that he was getting somewhere with Edward. Kimbley was up in the north too searching for Scar. Havoc was now seeing that there was some kind of connection.

"He didn't disappear," Edward said guiltily. "Al doesn't know this, so please don't say anything," Edward pleaded, turning his golden eyes upon Havoc, looking like he was ready to confess a deadly sin. "Other than me, you'll be the only other person who knows what really happened."

"What?" Havoc said preparing himself for the worse.

Edward opened his mouth to say something then stopped. He looked like he was debating with himself whether he could trust Havoc or not. After watching for a minute Havoc could see that the Fullmetal Alchemist seemed to have finally made up his mind.

"I used Kimbley as a sacrifice," he began then paused. When he started again, Havoc had to strain to hear, he spoke barely above a whisper through clenched teeth, his eyes closed tight.

"I broke Al's blood seal on the armor, returning his soul to his body. He didn't know Kimbley was there. I didn't want him to know. Then using Kimbley as the sacrifice and with the Philosopher's stone he had, I brought Al back. That's why I didn't get my arm and leg back. I couldn't reward myself for doing such a thing but I couldn't let Al know how I did it. He thinks I just used the Philosopher's stone to get him back to normal."

Havoc could have laughed out loud in relief. He was expecting something far worse. But knowing Edward that was the worse thing he could have ever done. The kid was notorious for holding onto his guilt and putting the blame completely upon his young shoulders for losing his younger brother's body. It was completely against Edward's ideals to have used someone like Kimbley in such a way, no matter how horrible the person was.

"Well, who cares if you used Kimbley," Havoc said trying to reassure Edward. "From what I heard he was an asshole who enjoyed blowing things up. A little too chummy with those homunculi. I say good riddance," he added vehemently, remembering just how much he hated homunculi.

"It's easy to think like that, when you're not the one who did it," Edward argued.

"So were you hoping that getting your brains beat in by that gorilla would help ease your guilt?"

"I guess," Edward said looking ashamed. "I'm just tired of holding on to my mistakes and making myself miserable over them. I couldn't stand being around Al and Winry anymore with their expectations of me. I couldn't face Al after breaking my promise to him but I couldn't tell him why. I didn't know what to do. So I accepted this promotion and got myself into a deeper mess."

"I don't know what to tell you other than you just have to deal with it now."

"I know," Edward mumbled dejectedly.

"Also, don't ever pull a stunt like that again. I didn't want to tell you this but Mustang said I'm responsible for you. So if you die in some incredibly stupid way that's it for me."

"What?!"

"Yep, that's what the Fuhrer told me when I was assigned to your command."

"That asshole."

"So no dying as a war hero for you. Or trying to get yourself killed in a bar fight."

"Who'd miss you anyway?" Edward snorted but not meaning it.

"Sure, maybe nobody would. But you have a little brother who would miss you. Do you think he'd appreciate having to bury the only family he's got?"

Edward looked at Havoc wide eyed with guilt and sadness. Havoc didn't want to play the guilt card. But if it would keep Edward in line than so be it. He needed Edward with a clear head to focus on getting through the war.

"No," Edward finally said pulling his knees up and burying his face in his arms.

Havoc hoped he wasn't about to cry. It was one of the things he had been trying to keep Edward from doing. He didn't know if he could handle the kid's tears. He put his hand in his jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette. Lightly bumping into Edward's arm he offered the cigarette. Edward looked up tear free, much to Havoc's relief, and took it.

"Thanks," Edward said quietly as he fumbled with his new lighter to light it. He leaned his head against the wall and exhaled a cloud of smoke. "How do you do it? Look like none of this affects you."

Havoc didn't answer right away thinking of a way to explain how he only looked like nothing bothered him. "I've had more training than you," he said finally. "But it doesn't even come close to prepare you for what you'll see and do. Don't think I'm not going to be scarred for life by this."

"Excuse me, officers."

Edward and Havoc looked in the direction of the voice. It was an older gentleman, standing at the end of the alleyway, holding Edward's jacket and pocket watch. It was the bar-keep from the tavern.

"Yes?" Havoc asked, not recognizing the man, wondering how he had gotten a hold of Edward's things.

"I just came to see if the young man was alright," he said stepping closer. "I was never so relieved when you came in to stop the fight."

"He's fine," Havoc reassured. "Right, Ed?"

"Yeah," Edward said sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

"Here are your things," the older man said handing them to Edward who reached out to take them. "You're encampment is just outside of town, right?"

"That's correct," Havoc said.

"I have a spare room in the back of the bar. The young man is welcome to use it to rest up, instead of walking all the way back."

"No, I'll be fine," Edward said looking embarrassed to be accepting any kindness after getting himself into the fight in the first place.

"Please," the old man said looking down at Edward with kind eyes. "I insist. You shouldn't be walking back in your condition."

"I think he's right, Ed," Havoc said. "You did take a beating."

"It may not have been so bad if someone hadn't tried to kill me afterwards," Edward grumbled.

"Ha! I guess that didn't help much," Havoc laughed. "Go ahead and stay. I'll be by for you in the morning."

"Alright," Edward said getting up slowly, wincing as he stood. They followed the older man to a back entrance of the bar and were led to a small room with a cot. Edward placed his jacket and pocket watch on a chair and lowered himself carefully onto the cot stretching out. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the flat pillow. The older man quietly closed the door.

"I really appreciate this," Havoc said.

"It's no trouble. I just wish I had been able to do something to stop that fight."

"I'm afraid when Ed's involved there's not much you can do to stop him."

"He's very young to be an officer, isn't he?"

"Perhaps, but he's good. There's still a lot he needs to learn but he's getting there."

"I just can't get over how much he looks like my own son," the old man said wistfully.

"Really? How old is your son?" Havoc asked curiously.

"He would have been twenty five last spring."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Havoc said not knowing what else to say. He was never good at expressing his condolences. They never sounded genuine to him, though he meant well.

"Thank you," the old man said. "Our son was born when we thought it was too late for us to have any children. We had given up years ago. He was a very pleasant surprise. We were so proud of him. He looked like the young officer. Handsome, blond hair but with blue eyes. We indulged him and I'm afraid that's what got him killed."

"How did he die?"

"Bar fight. Here in my own place," the old man said sighing sadly. "He was such a cocky boy, thought he could outsmart everyone. We tried to rein him in but it was too late. My wife will want to spoil him when she sees this young man."

"I'm sure he could use the positive attention. Ed's mother passed away when he was just a young boy. I'm not sure of his father, whether he's alive or dead. Ed doesn't talk about him. He's been through a lot."

"It's too bad. He looks like a nice young man."

"He is," Havoc agreed. "Thanks again, Mr..."

"Just call me Oscar."

"Thank you, Oscar. I'll be back in the morning for Ed."


	12. Chapter 12

Havoc came for Edward earlier than he would have liked. He had slept surprisingly well but waking up wasn't the most joyful experience. Feeling irritable and cranky he got up reluctantly and walked across the room to answer the door. He had a splitting headache that just made him feel worse and realized that he must be experiencing a hang over. As he stood at the open door, trying to focus his sleepy eyes on the Lieutenant, a new variety of aches and pains began to reveal themselves. Seeing Havoc standing before him smirking made him want to slam the door in the Lieutenant's face and go back to sleep.

"You look like hell, sir," Havoc said saluting.

"Fuck you," Edward grumbled turning away knowing he looked like the rumpled, used up rag that he felt like. He went over to the chair his pocket watch was lying on. Picking it up and opening the lid he looked at the time, squinting at the numbers, trying to make them out from the dim light that came through the open door. It was six in the morning. Edward groaned and went back to sit down on the cot.

"Why are you here so early?" He complained lying back down. "We've still got one more day of our leave."

"Yes, but I thought it would be a good time for you to get through some paperwork you have to sign," Havoc said producing a stuffed file.

Edward sighed and sat back up. "What's all that for?"

"Just some requests for fresh supplies," Havoc said nonchalantly. "And a list of the men we've lost and their next of kin. As their commanding officer you need to write letters of condolence to their families."

"What?" Edward said paling.

"Sorry," Havoc said placing the paperwork and a pen on a small table next to the cot. "I'll come back later for the signed requests so we can get it in early."

Havoc was at the door when Edward stopped him. "What do I write?"

Havoc turned to look at him. "Whatever you think Al would want to read if he were to ever get a letter like that."

Havoc had been gone for ten minutes and Edward was still sitting in stunned disbelief. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even know the men who had died. That thought alone made him feel horrible. How do you write to a complete stranger's family about his death? He pulled the small table close to him and opened the folder. He signed the requests, slowly reading through each and every one of them. It was all rather boring and monotonous but he was delaying having to write the letters.

When he finished signing the requests he stared at the list of soldiers that were lost to the war. It surprised Edward that he had only lost six men from his troop. There were troops that had been almost completely wiped out and they had more men. But it wasn't something to be proud of. It just meant that there were six more families who would be grieving. He thought about what Havoc had said. What would he want written to Al if he were to die during the war? He wouldn't want anyone to write anything. He wanted to be the one to tell Al. It was because of his foolishness he put himself in the situation he was now in. It was only right he be the one to tell his younger brother. Pulling a blank piece of paper towards him he started a letter. He didn't mean for Al to ever receive it but it would be there if necessary and it gave him a way to practice what to write.

As he wrote he found it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. He read it over several times and in the end was satisfied with it. When he was done he started on the other letters. He wrote, without pausing, even when the old bartender came to see how he was doing. Edward hardly acknowledged him being so absorbed in writing. He barely grunted a 'Pleased to meet you' when the old man introduced his wife. Their names had gone completely over his head. They brought Edward breakfast and left but he didn't touch it. He wanted to get the letters done while he had a clear head for the task.

With the completed paper work and letters sitting before him, he began to feel ashamed of himself for getting into the fight the night before. He was acting like a moody teenager, taking out his frustrations by fighting. He knew he was still young but he was a Lieutenant Colonel who shouldn't be provoking fights with enlisted men. There were no excuses for him. There were none left once he had decided to perform human transmutation. It was an adult decision that exacted an adult price. Then he continued on the same adult path when he joined the military when he was only twelve. He willingly chose to leave his childhood behind even if he didn't realize it at the time and he also chose to go to war. No matter how he felt, he was still an officer and he would have to act like one. He would have to set an example for his troop. He would have to be strong by showing them strength and courage even when he didn't feel it himself. He didn't matter anymore. He would have to cast aside some of his ideals and do what was necessary to get his men through the war. He couldn't be soft. He would have to kill and act like it didn't bother him.

His newfound determination made him feel a little better, mentally. He just wished this new sense of self he was starting to feel would stop the physical aches and pains. There was a small mirror hanging on the wall opposite him. He got up to look into it.

"I look like shit," he said to himself. He had a fat lip, a nasty looking bruise across his cheek and dried blood under his swollen nose. He stretched his neck to see how bad of a bruise Havoc had given him and cursed the Lieutenant. He wondered how he would be able to act like a Lieutenant Colonel if he didn't even look like one. _Oh well_, he thought. _It'll heal. This is what I get for acting like a spoiled kid._ A loud knock on the door made him turn forgetting about what he looked like.

"It's me, Ed," he heard Havoc call from the other side of the door.

"Come in," Edward said going to the paperwork and straightening it out.

"Did you finish?" Havoc asked as he entered the small room.

"Yeah," Edward answered handing the folder to Havoc. "Would you mind reading the letters?" He asked nervously. "Just to make sure they're appropriate."

"Sure," Havoc said and flipped through the paperwork to find the letters. As he read Edward ate his cold breakfast. He concentrated on the eggs and toast, eating slowly so he wouldn't look at Havoc reading the letters and also because his throat hurt to swallow. But his annoyance from being nearly choked to death by his own Lieutenant slowly diminished when Havoc seemed to take a little too long to read the letters. Edward was starting to get anxious, wondering if perhaps the letters were not written right. He heard Havoc clear his throat and looked up quickly. Havoc had an odd look on his face. Edward couldn't tell if it was because the letters would do or if he had written the wrong thing. He was never good at reading people, which just made it annoying that everyone else could always tell what he was thinking.

"Will they be okay?" He asked worriedly. He was never one to bite his nails but he suddenly had the urge to when Havoc didn't answer him right away.

"They're fine," Havoc said finally smiling momentarily to reassure Edward before it turned into that smirk of his. "I didn't know you had a sensitive side. I thought all you were capable of saying was nothing at all or 'it's none of your fucking business'."

"Very funny," Edward grumbled sipping his even colder coffee carefully.

The old bartender let Edward use their washroom to clean up. But no amount of scrubbing could rid the evidence of the fight. But he did what he could to make himself look somewhat presentable. When he was done he thanked the old man and his wife who tried to get him to stay for lunch. Edward was about to accept, tempted by the sound of a good hot meal, but thought he had trespassed enough on their hospitality.

Havoc was waiting for him and he wondered if he was going to have to put up with having a handler. He could take care of himself but he figured Havoc wouldn't trust him for awhile. Well, he would just have to show Havoc he could be. He had already decided to stop acting like a sullen teenager. Once he had set his mind to something, nothing could distract him from his path.

He dreaded going back to their encampment. There was no way anyone would ignore his appearance. He was right. As soon as he and Havoc came upon the camp they were immediately approached by the four Sergeants who had been gathered together, waiting for their commanding officer to return.

"Lieutenant Colonel!" Jacks exclaimed when he saw Edward. "What happened, sir?"

"He thought it would be fun to challenge a bull to a fight," Havoc said as he lit a cigarette.

"Let me guess," Brody said looking closely at Edward. "The bull won."

"Please!" Edward said with feigned indignation. "He looks worse than me!"

"Are you trying to say a broken nail is worse than looking like a punching bag?" Havoc asked.

"Lieutenant Havoc," Edward said officially. "I order you to lie and say I won."

"Yes, sir," Havoc said with a mock salute. "Sorry, sir. Of course you won. It's quite obvious you did."

"Have you grown, sir?" Healy then asked suddenly before Edward could respond to Havoc. "You seemed a lot shorter than the Lieutenant the day we met you."

Edward stopped abruptly, surprised by Healy's observation. He was about to react to the word short but stopped himself when he realized he was being acknowledged for actually growing taller. He looked to Havoc as a comparison. The abnormally tall Lieutenant, at least to Edward, didn't seem so tall anymore. He was now standing just a little taller than Havoc's shoulder. When he looked to the four Sergeants standing around him he found he wasn't much shorter than Jacks who stood just an inch taller. True, he was still the shortest but it didn't seem as obvious as it always did.

"Awwww…our Lieutenant Colonel is growing up," Havoc said sarcastically slapping Edward on the back. He had been caught off guard and went flying forward.

"Fuck!" Edward exclaimed, righting himself. "I was nearly beaten to death last night! You're just going to add to my misery. Just remember who outranks who around here."

The Sergeants laughed good naturedly along with their Lieutenant liking the new and improved attitude of their Lieutenant Colonel.

"All right, all right. All of you go enjoy the rest of your leave," Edward said waving them away. Everyone dispersed, still laughing, as they went to take advantage of their freedom before being sent back to the front lines, where things were not going to be so enjoyable for a while.


	13. Chapter 13

Edward was standing with Havoc, overseeing the arrival of the fresh supplies for his troop. A Lieutenant had sought him out with orders to meet with Brigadier General Locke at headquarters. With a withering look he left the supervision of the troop to Havoc. He was not looking forward to the meeting. He knew he would have to meet with either Locke or Colonel Robienne. But he didn't want to face them looking the way he did. He hoped that maybe they would overlook it as battle wounds but they were too recent to have been received four days ago when he last saw any action.

Edward wasn't the only one to be meeting with Brigadier General Locke. There were four other officers gathered around the same brightly lit table in Locke's office. Edward was on time but he wished he had arrived sooner to avoid so many eyes upon him as he entered. Ignoring their looks Edward took a place with the crowd of men too afraid to see who they were or what ranks they held. Two more officers arrived after Edward and the meeting began.

Brigadier General Locke did most of the talking while he shuffled troop placements around the map. One officer, a Colonel that Edward had never met before and therefore had no name for the face, stepped forward hesitantly when the Brigadier General asked for an idea he did not already present.

"We can pull troops from here," an officer said moving a few figurines away from the main defensive line and placing them at the edge of the Amestrian western line around Great Hope. "It will cut the Drachmans in half between Great Hope and Nelville."

"And weaken the defense of the northern road that leads straight to North City," Locke pointed out. "I don't think so. Plus, you'd need more than one solid regiment to break through the Drachman lines there in order to guarantee a success and to hold the ground gained. Also, I'd like to have the regiments then split and take Nelville from the east and Great Hope from the west. It's something to consider in the future but we don't have the capabilities right now.

"What else can we do with what we got?" Locke continued almost to himself, sighing. "Attacking is out of the question right now. We need to stand our ground for the time being and not let the Drachmans push us back any further. We need to maintain what we have. So how do we do it?"

There was more shuffling of troops around on the map with most of the officers generally agreeing to whatever Locke had put into place. He didn't seem too satisfied that he was getting the results he wanted after a while. He looked frustrated whenever he asked for an opinion and all he received in response was praise for what he had already arranged.

There really wasn't much else that could be done, Edward thought as he looked across the map. Any kind of attack from the Amestrians would require twice as many men than what they had at the front. It would take all the men they had stretched across the three cities just to retake one of them. He understood the Brigadier General's frustration that all they would be able to do was stand their ground while the Drachmans continued to settle down within their borders. Edward didn't like the thought that the northern citizens of Amestris would have to endure the Drachman occupation that much longer.

"What do you think, Lieutenant Colonel Elric?" Locke asked suddenly turning to Edward, the large man's eyes boring into him intently. "You've recently come from the front. Perhaps you can enlighten us with your observation of Drachman tactics."

_Ah fuck_, Edward thought as all eyes focused on him and his raggedly self. He became very aware that some of these same officers might have actually seen the fight he had been involved in. Trying desperately not to blush he composed himself. He took a moment to think through the last month before answering.

"They like to come around on the flanks and try to attack from behind. It's worked for them so far, but we managed to drive off one nighttime attack. Otherwise, we had to retreat."

"And what would you do to counter such attacks?" Locke asked still looking to Edward with his intense gaze.

"Place troops further back, out of sight, to anticipate them. Or swing around their lines and attack their flanks to discourage them from launching more of their own."

"We don't have enough troops to stretch that far around," Locke said immediately, and then sighed. "Or the intelligence to determine where exactly their troops are placed behind their own front lines," he added looking back down at the map. He seemed a little disappointed and Edward got the impression that it wasn't from his answer.

"An officer who fights with enlisted men is not likely to have any sense of strategy to figure that out himself," Edward heard someone mumble. Edward stiffened and he could feel his face starting to burn. So there had been another officer who witnessed the fight. He tried to stay calm and ignore the hushed comment. He didn't think anyone else had heard what the other officer said, that it was really just meant for him but he was wrong. The Brigadier General zeroed in on the man.

"Is that so, Major Bell?" Locke said sounding slightly angry. "It's also coming from someone who only lost six men. Unlike someone who lost half his troop in one week. I expected better from a State Alchemist."

"We were outnumbered," the Major said trying to defend himself. It was clear from the strained tone in his voice he had done the best he could. But such loses were still unacceptable no matter what the circumstances.

Edward kept his eyes forward, not seeking out the officer who had spoken out. He had already made a spectacle of himself with the fight the night before and being called out by the Brigadier General. He didn't want to be the center of attention any longer. But he also understood the strain of losing men under his command. He didn't want to know what it would feel like to lose any more. He realized they were all under a lot of pressure, which probably accounted for the silence throughout most of the meeting. It was like they were losing hope and no matter what they did, it just wouldn't be enough.

"The entire military is outnumbered!" Locke shouted and all the officers flinched. "I don't want to hear that as an excuse. I want results. Use your brains gentleman," Locke growled, pounding the table before him with a large fist. "We are not the Drachmans who do not value their own men. While they have brute strength we have alchemists and our smarts. We will have to outthink them since we are being stretched out over three different fronts. So no more fighting with enlisted men," he said looking straight at Edward. "And no more excuses," he then added looking to Major Bell. "We need to work together and focus," he said with a stern edge to his voice.

Locke stopped, his chest heaving from his outburst and looked down to the map. He remained silent as his eyes darted back and forth across the map. Nobody spoke, afraid to disrupt the Brigadier General. It was so quiet one could almost hear the gears spinning in Locke's concentrated mind.

"Colonel Robienne," Locke said finally moving figures around on the map. "Put Lieutenant Colonel Elric back to the edge of your eastern line. Let's see how well he can repel these flanking attacks. You will be getting fresh troops in two days. Use them to replace the troops already at the front and move your veteran troops back as reserves..."

Edward listened intently hoping that was it for him. As he followed along with Locke's orders he noticed he was the only one that would be remaining at the front. All other troops would soon be replaced with new troops that were being transferred to the north. He didn't pay it any mind. He had only been at the front for a month. The others were probably there longer and deserved the rest more than his troop did.

After the meeting Edward returned to the encampment to go over his orders with Havoc. After seeing to the rest of his duties for the troop Edward realized there were only a few hours left of his leave. It had all been taken up by his responsibilities of being a Lieutenant Colonel. There was no room for complaint; he would just have to get used to it. He had launched himself on this path and he would see his way through it, with no rest if that what was going to be asked from him. Later in the evening he sat with Havoc around a camp fire, smoking. The two of them kept apart from the other Sergeants to give Edward a chance to go over all the details from the meeting with Brigadier General Locke. Havoc was also able to explain some of the finer points of military maneuvers and troop deployments for Edward.

"You have to keep the middle strong," Havoc said drawing two parallel lines in the dirt. "The end of the line is always weak and will always be attacked but will be attacked by a weak offense too. As long as the middle holds we'll be alright. If it breaks then we're cut in half which means we are half as strong making it easier to push us back. Locke has to revert to text book strategy, to dig in and defend what we can. He's good, though. I read a lot about his campaigns in the east and south. I'm sure it's frustrating that he can't do much more. He doesn't have enough men to attack the way I'm sure he'd like to."

"Everything makes sense but it's not always so obvious at first," Edward said frustrated. "I would kill to have had basic training."

"What are you saying? What I've shown you isn't enough?" Havoc exclaimed trying to look insulted.

"Hardly," Edward said. "But it's not like you can tell me everything."

"That's because I'm not always thinking about strategy," Havoc said. "Now if it was Breda, he'd talk your ear off. I sometimes think it's all he's about. He eats, sleeps, and thinks military strategy. Don't ever play chess with him. He'll murder you. He'll make a great General someday. He's very good about seeing the entire picture. But he's not about manipulating to achieve his own goals but to complete a task he's given. I can just see part of the picture, the part where I'm supposed to be. For you, it would help that you're a combination of the both of us, especially if you want to move up."

"Move up," Edward said thoughtfully. "I don't know if I want to think about that yet. I'm too busy dealing with what's been thrown at me."

"You should keep it in mind. I think you scored yourself some points with Locke, with your answer, especially if the other officers didn't offer any useful opinions of their own. But you probably lost some points for the fight."

"And because I'm one of Mustang's loyal dogs," Edward added sarcastically.

"Locke may not have supported Mustang, but he is loyal to Amestris," Havoc said. "I think he's testing you and it's not going to be easy. Gaining the loyalty of your troop and having to follow orders that came from Locke, you've got pressure from both sides. You have to press your troop without looking like a tyrant and you've got to accomplish whatever assignment you've been given without failing and without loosing too many men to appease the Brigadier General. I don't envy you at all."

"I know," Edward moaned running his hand through his hair tiredly. "Want to switch places?"

"Hell no," Havoc said with a grin. "It's not my time to be challenged. It will come eventually. Hopefully during peacetime. I plan on riding your coattails so remember, when you look good, so do I."

"Now what about putting us at the end of the line?" Edward asked curiously. "When Locke ordered Colonel Robienne to place us there it sounded like a challenge and a punishment."

"It's probably both," Havoc said. "Like I said, you gained and lost points. I think he's giving you another chance to gain what you lost but he's being tough on you. But ideally, with a troop as small as ours we are better suited for flank attacks."

Edward sighed feeling weary suddenly. All their talk of military mumbo jumbo was starting to wear him out. There was so much to think about and consider. He decided that was it for the night and left to get some sleep. There was a long day ahead of them and he fell asleep thinking how much fun it would be to move up and kick Mustang's ass to assume the role of Fuhrer. Not that he really wanted to be Fuhrer, but just to knock Mustang off of his high horse would be worth it.


	14. Chapter 14

They arrived at the base camp several miles from the line of action where Edward's troop was to be deployed. He was then told they would have to march the rest of the way. Successful flanking attacks from the Drachmans caused the Amestrian lines to stretch out even further towards the east. The narrow country roads were not suitable for military vehicles so Edward's troop started the two day march to their post.

Edward didn't mind the walk. In fact he welcomed it even though he was still hurting from the fight. It gave him a chance to breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the quiet peace that only the countryside could offer. Being enclosed in army encampments and trenches was stifling. Just to hear the wind whistling around them and the birds singing over the march of footsteps on the road was soothing. Even the easy, quiet chatter of the enlisted men was calming. He could feel muscles relax that had been coiled up tight from flinching at the sound of battery fire.

As he relaxed he began to notice how out of shape he was. Walking felt good but he was starting to feel out of breath and he found himself tiring at lot sooner than he normally would. It had been awhile since the last time he had a good work out. He wondered, even if he was drunk and slowed by the numbing affects of the alcohol, that if he had been in better shape than maybe he wouldn't have had his ass kicked so hard.

During the long march, Edward would entertain himself by trying to guess what was or had been growing in the fields they passed. There wasn't a whole lot growing with the harvest coming to an end in preparation for the coming winter. He liked the smell of the freshly turned earth. It was a morale booster to see what he was actually fighting for. They passed small farm houses on small lots and large homes in the middle of vast fields. Most of the homes looked deserted but they found a few brave souls not willing to leave their homes to an approaching Drachman army, putting their faith in their own country's military for once.

At times there were field hands working near the road they marched along. When they saw the troop of soldiers pass by they swept off their hats, waved and offered their best wishes. It was a nice sight to see that people were actually glad to see the military, instead of being eyed suspiciously. It gave Edward the confidence that his decision to leave his brother would bring about some reward. That the military would finally be seen in a positive way and that they could protect these people's homes from the invading Drachman army.

The first night a local farmer let them camp at the edge of his field, saying he would be plowing that area later in the week so their disturbance of the land wouldn't be a problem. The next morning some of the soldiers found an odd sight when they woke up. Instead of being poked and prodded to wake up and ready themselves for the march, they were poked and prodded to watch their Lieutenant Colonel doing sit-ups. Most of the men were used to seeing previous commanding officers sit back and get soft around the middle. There were some jokes about keeping up with the teenager. While most declined, knowing their limits, a few foolish ones thought they were up for the challenge. As they dropped around him like flies, unable to match the energy of a seventeen year old, Edward kept going. He was surprised, feeling a little out of shape. His muscles were not as firm as he was used to them being. But the familiar work out seemed to kick start his muscles into remembering how to work. Then feeling energized, Edward started on some push-ups.

"Lieutenant, how many push ups do you think you can do?" Sergeant Brody challenged nudging Havoc's arm.

"I'm sure more than you could manage, old man," Havoc said.

"Come on, Jean," Edward said jumping in, liking the idea of matching strengths with his Lieutenant. "Show us what you got."

"No thanks," Havoc said trying to act cool to get out of it. "I don't want to embarrass you." Edward snorted in disgust.

"I'm sure he just doesn't want to be embarrassed," Sergeant Sharpe said laughing. "He doesn't want to get beat by a kid."

"Hey!" Edward exclaimed, shooting Sharpe an irritated glare for being called a kid.

"Sorry, sir," Sharpe apologized immediately. Despite Edward being an easy going commanding officer, there was still a line that could not be crossed. Especially when it came to calling him a kid.

Edward stopped and sat down to rest, in anticipation of challenging Havoc. "I'll go easy on you, Jean. You're not a man unless you can do fifty push-ups."

Havoc gave in. Slumping his shoulders in defeat he threw his cigarette to the ground then got down on his hands and knees. Turning to Edward he grumbled, "This is pay back for the tattoo, isn't it?"

Edward just gave him an evil grin as he set himself up for the push-up battle. "Ready...Go!"

The two officers began their battle of strength. By this time the entire troop had gathered around Edward and Havoc. Betting broke out over who would outlast who.

"Ah, hell," Havoc said collapsing after a couple of minutes. "I give up."

Edward pumped through a couple more before springing up. He clapped Havoc on the back and looked down at him with a crooked smile. "Had enough old man?"

"It shouldn't count when you're up against someone who is half machine," Havoc complained getting up and brushing the dirt off his uniform.

"Ha!" Edward exclaimed. "That shouldn't matter. It takes more energy for me to move my arm than it takes for you to move your entire body. You're just soft."

"And old," Havoc sighed rubbing his arms. "But being stuck in bed for nearly a year sure didn't help."

"Oh yeah," Edward said guiltily, his smile fading. "I forgot about that. I shouldn't have pushed you."

"Nah," Havoc said brushing off the apology. "It just made me realize I'm not back to what I'm used to. I've still got some work to do."

It was another long day of marching and at the end of the day camp was set up around an abandoned barn. A kind chicken farmer had offered its use for them to rest and in the morning brought fresh eggs for the soldier's breakfast. Even though each soldier got only one egg, Edward worried about taking food from the farmer. Feeding fifty men was asking a lot and times were hard with the Drachman army cutting the country off from the north. He didn't want to be taking anything they didn't need since they had field rations and causing any more distress for anyone already under strain from the uncertainty of the war. But the man insisted, saying it was his way of doing his part to keep their defenders well fed so they would have the strength to fight the Drachmans.

"You know," Havoc said after they broke camp and continued on their way. "I don't think you've really grown that much over the last month."

"Not that it means you haven't grown at all," Havoc added quickly when he saw the dark cloud of anger cross Edward's face. "You are definitely taller than you were a year ago. But your uniform still fits you the same. I think it's just that you're standing a bit taller."

Edward considered that for a moment. Perhaps that was true. With Al not talking to him and then leaving, coming face to face with the realities of war, he had felt so withdrawn from everything that perhaps it had been manifested physically as well. Now that he had accepted what he would have to do he felt more confident.

As they were about to pass a farm house Edward saw a young girl standing by a gate. Several soldiers called out greetings to her. She smiled shyly and waved back. The troop slowed a bit and Edward was about to tell Havoc to order everyone to keep pace when Sergeant Jacks came running towards him and the Lieutenant.

"What is it, Sergeant?" Edward asked.

"The young lady wants to know if we have a moment to rest and have some refreshments."

Edward looked to Havoc who shrugged and said, "It couldn't hurt. It'll do the men some good."

Edward nodded in agreement reluctantly. "Alright," he said. "But let's do this quickly."

"Company halt!" Havoc called out and the troop stopped.

"Sergeant Jacks," Edward said. "See that everyone behaves themselves."

"Yes, sir," Jacks said saluting then jogged off to let the young girl know they would be accepting the offer.

Edward hung back behind the crowd of men. He was anxious to get going but he knew the stop would be beneficial to his troop. They would get some rest and something refreshing to drink. It would be awhile before they would be able to enjoy such simple pleasures once they were back on the front lines. He was busying himself studying a map and checking the time when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned to see the young girl that had been by the gate, standing before him.

She looked about the same age as Edward. She was very pretty with her dark hair pulled back with a yellow ribbon showing off her clear blue eyes. Edward stared at her for a moment a little disconcerted how quickly he noticed how cute she was.

"Lieutenant Havoc said you would like some apple cider too?" She said handing him a cup. Edward reached out hesitantly and took the cider. Looking over the rim of the cup as he drank he could see the girl smiling at him and he felt himself blush, wondering why she watched him with such interest when he knew he still looked like hell.

"Thank you," Edward said nervously when he finished the sweet drink and handed the cup back.

"It's freshly made," the girl told him. "From the apples we grow on our farm. Are you in charge of all these men?"

"Yes," he answered feeling a little lost for words.

"How old are you?" She asked.

"Seventeen."

"Like me," she said smiling. It was a very cute smile. Sweet and innocent. "You're very brave to be fighting the Drachmans when you're so young."

"I wouldn't say brave," Edward said. "More like foolish," he added, the corner of his mouth lifting into a nervous smile.

"Well, thank you for being foolish," the girl said. "It's because of you and the rest of the army that have kept the Drachmans from invading any further."

Now Edward was really at a loss of words. The girl sensed his nervousness and smiled again. "My name is Trini, what's yours?"

"Edward," he said automatically.

"Would it be alright if I gave you a gift, Edward?" She asked.

"Why?" Edward asked not knowing how he should handle such an unusual request. It wasn't everyday random girls offered him gifts.

"It's to wish you luck," she said and pulled the ribbon from her hair. She slowly approached Edward and gently tied the ribbon to his right arm.

"It's a little silly," she said when she finished the bow. "I read about it in a book once," she continued her hand lingering on his arm. He suddenly had a strong wish that he had a flesh and blood arm in order to feel the light weight of her slender hand. He wondered if she even noticed his unusually solid arm. When he looked up he could see tears forming in her eyes and he wished she would go away now. He couldn't stand to see girls cry.

"Please keep them from us," she said meeting his eyes. He was relieved she seemed to be keeping her tears in check but he was struck by the desperation in her voice. "We've heard stories of the Drachmans from refugees that escaped from the north. They come by begging for food and water. The things they've seen are awful."

"I'll do what I can," Edward said not sure if it was enough to reassure her. Hell, he was barely able to reassure himself that they could keep the Drachmans at bay. But he had also seen what the Drachmans were capable of. If he had a romantic bone in his body he would have been able to offer more eloquent words of reassurance. But since he didn't, _I'll do what I can_, was all he could manage and he hoped it was enough. Especially since his own confidence was shaken by her attention and need for some words of hope.

"Thank you," Trini said gratefully and smiled again but the fear of losing her home to a foreign army lingered in her eyes.

As they left the small farmstead Havoc sidled up to Edward who prepared himself for a snide comment from his Lieutenant.

"Did she promise you a kiss if you returned safely?" He asked.

"Shut up," Edward said. "She's just scared of the Drachman army."

"I couldn't help but notice how you couldn't stop staring at her," Havoc said tugging at the ribbon still tied to Edward's arm. "Strange, considering she's not as cute as your friend Winry."

Edward rolled his eyes. _So he's not going to forget about that, is he? _ Edward thought to himself.

"If I tell you what happened, you can't ever bring it up again," Edward said conceding defeat to the persistent Lieutenant as he untied the ribbon from his arm and shoved it in his pocket. He liked the thought of having a good luck charm. But wearing the ribbon didn't make him feel very masculine.

"I'm all ears."

Edward sighed then went into detail about the night of the Fuhrer's celebration, how Winry confessed her love for him and that he go with her to Rush Valley and get married when they were older. It was all rather embarrassing to talk about but he found that it was easy to tell Havoc what happened, especially when he kept his trap shut and didn't interrupt with any obnoxious comments.

"Hell," Havoc said thoughtfully when Edward finished. "I think I would have reacted the same way if I were you. When I was seventeen all I could think about was getting kisses from as many girls as I could get. No way was I even ready to think about marriage. Even now I avoid it like a plague or it just avoids me since I have rotten luck with women."

"What I didn't understand was why me? Why not Al? He's always been nicer to her. Plus, we were raised like brother and sister. Why would I want to marry someone who has been like a sister to me? But I royally screwed up. I ignored her when I should have explained how I really felt about her. I don't want her to hate me. I still want to be friends. We've known each other all our lives."

"You should tell her."

"The only way I can do that now is if I wrote to her. But that doesn't seem right and I doubt she'd even read it."

"I think you should still write to her. And Al, too. It's been over a month. I'm sure he's worried about you."

"Ah fuck," Edward said feeling ashamed of himself for not thinking of writing to let his younger brother know he was alright. "He'll disown me as his brother if he doesn't hear from me soon. I'm on thin ice with him already."

As they continued marching Edward remembered the one letter he did write to Al.

"Hey, Jean," Edward said hesitantly. "Would you do me a favor?"

"What?"

Edward dug into the inside pocket of his jacket and took out the letter he had written to Al, the one he hoped his younger brother would never have to read. He looked at the folded paper for a moment then sighed. "I wrote this to Al, to practice. I don't think it right for anyone else to break the news to him, if I die, so if something does happen to me, will you see that he gets this?"

"Sure," Havoc said quietly, taking the letter reluctantly from Edward, hoping he would never have to deliver it.


	15. Chapter 15

"Don't these bastards sleep?" Edward growled.

They had been fighting almost non-stop for four days. Sleep had become a distant memory and everyone's deepest desire.

Havoc, face taunt with sleep deprivation and steely frustration in his eyes, fired off a couple of rounds before answering. "I don't know if we'll be able to hold out much longer."

"Fuck! It's like fighting those damned homunculi. They just won't stay down!"

"Don't talk about those fucking bastards!" Havoc said angrily through gritted teeth and fired off some more rounds.

"Lieutenant Colonel!" Brody yelled from down the line to his right. "They're making another sweep around us."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Edward roared getting up. Ducking behind their barrier he made his way to the end of the line.

He was no longer able to pull any more men towards the far end of the line. They were stretched thin already. He had created barriers that stretched out to their right and curved to protect their backs. He had a literal fortress made where they were on the high ground and the area below them riddled with hills, some of which would drop suddenly into deep ditches. It was all done to deter the Drachmans from their famous flanking attacks but nothing seemed to stop them. They were an unyielding juggernaut that would burst through whatever was put in their path. Instead of trying to make their way around Edward's barriers, they just blasted through them, with light artillery fire and simple hand grenades to weaken the defenses. With no rest and the constant use of alchemy, Edward felt his energy waning each barrier he created and repaired became weaker and weaker, until they became nothing more than little ant hills and puddles to the Drachmans. He wondered if these attacks were especially designed against an alchemist. To force him to use up his energy, thereby making him almost completely useless and his troop more vulnerable.

He looked over to see his last barrier beginning to crumble before the Drachmans would make their way uphill to where Edward was holding fast. He nearly collapsed in defeat and frustration. What was the point in continuing? He thought about just surrendering. He couldn't keep his men under such heavy fire for much longer. But he couldn't surrender. He would not admit defeat. He thought about the yellow ribbon still in his pocket. He couldn't let the Drachmans get by him. There were a lot of innocent people depending on him, his troop and the entire army to keep them safe and out of the hands of the Drachmans.

"Sergeant Brody, get Lieutenant Havoc," Edward ordered.

"We're going to attack," he informed his Lieutenant as he settled next to Edward.

"We don't have the man power for an attack," Havoc argued.

"I said we're attacking, Lieutenant Havoc," Edward said his determined eyes boring into Havoc. "I'm going to destroy everything in their path. That should slow them down. Then we attack in a sweeping motion, like a door swinging from the right to close in on them."

Havoc gave a tense nod. Edward could tell he wanted to argue and talk him out of it, knowing he barely had the strength to hold himself up, let alone the power alchemically necessary to attempt what he had in mind. But Edward had made up his mind. He was tired, his troop was tired but if it helped to push the Drachmans back for a moment to give them more time to regroup and prepare better defenses, than so be it.

Once the men were in position, Edward clapped his hands and calling for whatever strength was left in him he placed his hands on the ground. A flash of bluish light ripped over the ground. A tremor could be felt beneath their feet as the ground began to crumble under the Drachmans. Everything Edward had created, but the barrier they still took cover behind, was wiped out. Nothing was left but a pile of earthen rubble and Drachmans picking themselves up after losing their footing from the shifting earth or from being half buried in it. With a high pitch whistle sounding the signal, Edward's troop launched themselves over their protective barrier and came running for the Drachmans scattered downhill.

They took out those Drachmans who had managed to right themselves. Others who were not so affected by the collapse of the earth fell back to regroup. Hoping to catch them before they could group together to make a stand Edward urged his troop on. They crashed against the regrouping Drachmans and were now fighting them hand to hand. Some Drachmans fell behind the scuffling and lined up. There was a loud bugling and the Drachmans struggling with Edward's troop fell to the ground. The Drachmans who had lined up fired. Shots whizzed by and Edward clapped his hand together to create a wall between his men and the firing guns.

Havoc grouped some men together to form a firing line as well and Edward dropped the wall. As soon as the wall fell Edward's men fired but it did no good. Drachmans had run up and taken cover behind Edward's wall. When it fell they were stooping behind it and the shots meant for them went right over their heads. The Drachmans fired a few shots of their own, driving Havoc's firing line back, then got up and pursued them.

Edward was the closest to the wall. He fired a couple of shots at two Drachmans that came for him. One went down. Edward took aim and fired but nothing happened, just the horrible clicking sound of an empty chamber. Not having time to reload or holster his gun, he threw it away as a Drachman soldier came barreling towards him. He clapped his hands together and tried to change his automail to create the blade he favored so much, but he didn't have a chance to complete the transmutation. The Drachman was upon him, grabbing at his wrists, keeping his hands apart. They fell to the ground, the weight of the Drachman knocking the air out of Edward's lungs. He managed to twist one hand free and reached for his boot. Havoc had suggested he keep his knife there as backup and he was glad he had followed the wise advice.

Tearing the knife free he rammed it under the Drachman's ribs and rolled the man off of him. Looking around he saw that his troop was not faring any better than he was so he gave the order to retreat.

The attack was futile. They didn't cover much ground and the Drachmans they did reach fought with such ferocity it was almost like they were superhuman and there were more of them waiting in the wings. They were driven back to their original position before any more damage could be done to Edward's troop.

Back behind the safety of their barrier Edward, frustrated and tired, pounded his right fist into the ground.

"Don't do that, Ed!" Havoc yelled angrily. "In case you haven't noticed, we're fresh out of mechanics. It won't do us any good if you bust your hand leaving you alchemy-free."

"What does it matter?" Edward shot back. "I have nothing left in me."

"Don't give up now!"

"I'm not giving up! I've been slowly chipped away till there's nothing left!"

Edward closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He didn't have any energy left but he couldn't let his men see that. He couldn't let them see the Drachmans getting the best of him. He opened his eyes when he heard Sergeant Sharpe call out to him.

"It's the Brigadier General," Sharpe said out of breath, holding out the receiver for Edward, his hand covering the mouthpiece. "He wants to know our situation."

"Tell him we're in a shit hole," Havoc muttered; a true but inappropriate response for a Brigadier General.

"Shouldn't Locke be in North City?" Edward asked. "I didn't think we could get a signal from there at our position."

"He must be at the base camp," Havoc said tiredly, leaning his head back against the earth barrier.

Edward took the receiver from Sharpe and put it to his ear. "Lieutenant Colonel Elric reporting, sir."

"How much longer do you think you can hold out?" The Brigadier General asked brusquely.

"Not much longer, sir," Edward said reluctantly, having to swallow his pride and admit what he did not want to.

"I didn't think so," Locke said but not in the way that meant he had no confidence in Edward. "Hold your position as long as you can. The closest reserves are five miles away, under Major Bell's command. I'm going to send them your way. Just hold on a little longer."

"Yes, sir," Edward replied starting to feel dizzy. Five miles, it might as well be five hundred.

"Good man," Locke said then cursed into his end of the receiver. "What the fuck do you mean that Major Bell's line has collapsed?!" Edward heard Locke yell. "I don't fucking believe this...Elric, get out of there now! Pull back and rejoin the main army!"

"Yes, sir," Edward said handing back the receiver to Sharpe quickly and looking to Havoc. "Form the retreat, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir," Havoc said getting up and calling out for the troop to retreat.

It had taken all of his reserves to help cover their retreat. He could feel his legs on the verge of collapsing beneath him but he willed them to carry him further. Maybe he would have to admit defeat but he wouldn't show it. He would not break down physically in front of his troop. Since he didn't have any physical strength left he drew upon his determination to get him through the long march back to base camp.

"You're looking pale and glassy eyed," Havoc noted with concern once they were out of the Drachman's artillery range.

Edward lifted his left hand. It was shaking with exhaustion.

"My nerves are shot," Edward said as he balled his hand into a fist to hide the trembling. "Even my automail is shaking. I can hear the rattling which gets worse if I flex my arm. How are you doing?"

"Don't worry about me," Havoc said lightly. "I'm fine."

"I will worry about you," Edward answered back angrily. "And don't lie to me."

The mask of indifference Havoc was wearing dropped. "My legs feel like jelly," he said with a tinge of fear in his eyes. "But I can still move them so I guess I shouldn't worry. Just brings back bad memories."

"We're all in pretty bad shape," Edward sighed tiredly, longing to just close his eyes and sleep.

Two days later Edward's troop arrived to signs of a full retreat. The camp was being broken down and soldiers were running around loading equipment into trucks. Edward sought out the Brigadier General.

"Get in here, Elric," Locke called from inside his command tent. Edward went in, trying not to look exhausted, and managed a tired salute. Locke didn't seem to care about formalities at the moment.

"We're pulling back to North City and making a stand there," Locke rushed on. "We lost Major Bell, that's why his line collapsed," he added quietly.

"We're finally going to get troops from the east," he continued after a moment. "The railway lines that were destroyed by Xing mercenaries have finally been repaired. It's a little late but having troops arriving from the east to draw the Drachmans attention away from North City will help. I'm sending you to Juniper, to the southwest of North City. They're in worse shape then we are here. If the Drachmans take Juniper, then North City _will_ be the next to go."

Edward met Locke's eyes, hoping he conveyed that he understood the seriousness of the situation despite his weariness.

"You will be deployed to the west of the Juniper line," Locke then continued pointing to an area on a map that was stretched out before him. "The Fuhrer has sent Major Armstrong and he will be placed on the east with two complete companies. You two will build what defenses you can around the city."

Edward listened to the rest of Locke's quick-fire commands making his tired brain grab onto each and every detail. He had to fight to keep from looking like he was completely numb to everything and didn't care what was happening around him. He did care, but his body was telling him that he should only care about getting some sleep. He refused, however, to let his body tell him what to do.

Edward's troop was sent off to North City for fresh supplies and immediately rushed out to the falling town of Juniper with just one day of rest. Through most of the journey he kept his hand in his pocket, his fingers curled tight around the yellow ribbon. The Drachmans may have defeated him at the edge of Great Hope but they had not won the war. Setting his face into a hard, determined mask, Edward hid his tiredness and set off with his troop to stem the tide of the Drachman invasion.


	16. Chapter 16

Edward tried to get some sleep in the bumping cab of the truck he was riding in. Despite his weariness and his usual comfort at sleeping in strange places, he could not rest. His mind was full of thoughts about the retreat and how the Drachmans had seemingly anticipated his every move. When he did sleep it was to the image of Trini's pretty smile that would then turn into the dead girl with the slit throat. It bothered him but not as much as he thought it would and he started to wonder more about why it didn't bother him. He figured it was because he was not putting the blame upon himself for their retreat. He knew deep down inside that he had done all he could. He was not capable of fighting an entire army alone. He had his part to play and he had pushed himself to the point of exhaustion. Then again maybe he was just too tired to feel any guilt over the retreat and it would all rush in to overwhelm him at a time he least expected it. No, he couldn't let that happen and in his tired state he tucked all those would-be feelings away and sealed them up tight within. It was not the time to be consumed by anything. He had a job to focus on and that's what he would do.

He felt some comfort from the fact that he had sent out messengers to tell the inhabitants of the farm houses that they should leave their homes. Nearly all of the homes he saw were deserted when he passed. He was in such a hurry and so weary he didn't realize he had passed Trini's house but the always observant Havoc, despite his own tiredness, made a point to let Edward know that the house was empty. He was relieved and hoped anyone else that had remained behind stubbornly would eventually head the warning and take refuge in North City or further south.

They approached Juniper with a stark view of the chaos that awaited them. It was under siege. Shells were dropping and exploding, crumbling buildings to nothing but unrecognizable rubble. The northern part of the town was on fire and people were streaming from the south, escaping the devastation. The echo of artillery fire was loud and shook the ground but Edward no longer felt the need to flinch. He was almost immune to the sound. But he wasn't immune to the fact that the town was being torn apart and the citizens were fleeing for their lives. The thought fueled his anger towards the Drachmans and he prepared himself for the fight that was quickly approaching.

They circled towards the west of Juniper. Their orders were to cover the retreat of troops that had been fighting for days along the roads that lead from Harrington, the town to the northwest. They were dropped off ten miles from the edge of town, just out of range of Drachman rifle fire but not from artillery fire. Soldiers ran past them to whatever refuge they could find, some clutching bleeding wounds or helping fallen comrades. It was a chaotic sight but Edward would not let it distract him, though he thought sarcastically how it was just like him to be running towards trouble instead of away from it.

It was no easy task to set up defenses with the explosive shells dropping around them. But despite the Drachmans' persistence, Edward managed a few networks of trenches. Teams of men went out as far as they could before coming into range of sniper fire to set land mines and barb wires to deter the Drachmans from advancing. It was a messy and disturbing task. The men had to be careful not to fall into shell holes with barbed wire at the bottom, catching at their feet, dragging them down into the mud. They also had to climb over the dead, mutilated bodies of soldiers from other companies that were left where they lay in the hasty retreat towards Juniper. The troop followed their Lieutenant Colonel's lead, focusing on the task at hand, not allowing the circumstances to get the better of them. When the defenses were complete Edward's troop took cover in the trenches and after two weeks of lying low, listening to the answering and returning of artillery fire, all went quiet.

What followed was three weeks of mind numbing quiet that was starting to make Edward sour and moody, as he was on edge constantly in anticipation of an attack, and his moodiness just increased each day making it harder for him to hide. Upon arrival to their post the winter weather was hardly felt with the constant activity. Now with nothing to do but wait the dropping temperatures could be felt bitterly. It also didn't help that they had not received any fresh supplies for over two weeks. Rations had been cut in half but they had run out the day before. Edward was in constant communication regarding the delay.

"The Drachmans could attack us at any time and my men will be weak with hunger," Edward growled angrily.

"I'm sorry, sir," whoever it was on the other line said. Edward hadn't bothered to pay attention, it was always someone different. "We're low here as well. It's been difficult to coordinate supply movements. We've been told to expect something in two days."

"That's what you told me two days ago!" Edward shouted then tossed the receiver back to Sharpe, not wanting to listen anymore. It was frustrating to hear how a once strong military, no matter how corrupt it had been, had almost completely broken down because there were no longer any homunculi pulling the strings. Edward cursed the power hungry Generals in the high command that had been so intent on their grand plans to sacrifice the entire country. Now that things had not worked out as carefully orchestrated, it was those who had only wanted to serve their country that had to pick up the pieces and keep Amestris from being overrun by their neighbors. So much for the great Amestrian army. Nearly defeated from within and now close to being defeated from without.

Edward sighed, trying not to dwell on negative thoughts, despite there not being anything positive at the moment to think about.

"Let's surrender," Havoc suggested. As usual he looked like nothing, not even an empty stomach, could bother him, which just annoyed Edward. He was never one to handle an empty stomach very well. But it just wasn't an empty stomach that bothered him. It was the fact that the Drachmans always seemed one step ahead of them and that their supply shortage was something they would anticipate and take advantage of.

"Do you think the Drachmans feed their prisoners well?" Havoc wondered trying to distract Edward by making light of their problems, as he lit his last cigarette. He had been holding on to it for two days. He handed it to Edward who took it greedily and inhaled deeply. He had smoked his last long ago and the lack of a whole cigarette all to himself did nothing to improve his mood.

"They're probably cannibals who eat their prisoners," Edward said handing the cigarette back to Havoc. "Have you noticed how well fed they seem? Those bastards are huge."

"Everyone is huge compared to you," Havoc said trying to hold back a smile.

Edward scowled, irritated with the joke at his expense.

If it wasn't the lack of supplies it was illness. Hacking coughs and sneezes could be heard at random intervals up and down the trenches. When the weather became too unbearably cold, Edward created tunnels and cave-like dwellings in the trenches. He feared a Drachman shelling that would collapse his rabbit hole shelters. But the little caves kept them warm and dry; they would just have to jump out quickly if they didn't want to be buried alive. They tried to entertain themselves the best they could during these trying times. Card games were played for cigarettes when supply was short. Edward won most of Havoc's who wasn't too happy when Edward would smoke them right away, leaving him with less to lose in return to his Lieutenant. Edward soon regretted it when he had nothing left and Havoc had the one that he refused to play cards over. It annoyed Edward how the Lieutenant held onto that last one like a stingy kid, flaunting it in Edward's face, sniffing it before putting it back in his pocket. Edward had thought about sneaking it from Havoc as he slept but was glad that he did not when Havoc eventually shared it.

With time on his hands, Edward finally wrote to his brother. In fact, he now had five letters ready to send off. There was also one for Winry. That letter he struggled with the most, actually biting his nails as he wrote it. He knew it was just best to tell her everything; how he really felt about her and how she had caught him off guard with her feelings, though it was no excuse for his behavior.

But the monotony was broken apart one day from a call from Sergeant Healy who was on guard duty one night.

"Over there, sir," Healy said as he pointed out into the dark.

Edward strained his eyes, the cloud of his warm breath against the cold air making it hard to see but he was finally able to spot what Healy was pointing at; two tiny red lights floating in the air. The lights danced around a bit and then one by one the mines went off. A shower of frozen dirt went up in all directions.

"Sergeant, line everyone up and prepare to fire," Edward ordered.

Healy scurried away to carry out his orders. The mines continued to go off, the sound deafening. Edward's troop lined up into position and when the order was given they opened fire. The sound of mine blasts and rifle fire reverberated for ten minutes until the last mine went off, echoing through the tumult of bullets. Edward ordered everyone to cease fire and as the sounds died away he peered into the darkness, still not able to see much of anything but some lingering clouds of smoke and dust. They waited in anticipation for a full attack that never came.

"What was that about?" Edward asked Havoc, who appeared by his side after a few minutes of silence. "Was it just to detonate the mines to clear a path for themselves?"

"I think so, but we still have the barb wire in place. It wouldn't do them any good; they'd get caught up in it," Havoc pointed out.

"With the mines out of their way they'll end up snipping the wire in the dark," Edward said worriedly.

"We need to plant more mines."

Edward shook his head in disagreement. "I don't want to send anyone out there. If anyone gets too close, they're dead men."

"They'll eventually get past the wire."

"I know, but if we manage to plant more mines, they'll probably just set them off again. Did you count the explosions?"

"Yeah, it was the exact amount of mines we placed."

"It's a trap. We send out men to plant more mines, they get shot. We sit here; they attack with nothing in their way. How did they get so close without us noticing?"

"They've probably been moving at night and digging in during the day."

The troop stayed up all night in the freezing cold, lined up, rifles at the ready. Edward opted for a rifle and stood, frigid in anticipation for a Drachman attack that never occurred. It was dawn when Edward ordered everyone to stand down. He doubled the guards and remained on alert himself just in case, not wanting to be surprised by an attack.

"They were just toying with us," Edward remarked tiredly. He was cold and stiff from sitting still in one position for so long.

"If they don't tire us out with constant fighting, they'll tire us out as we wait for them to attack," Havoc said hunching down further into his overcoat, a useless attempt to get warm.

"How long have we been here now?" Edward asked. He wanted to sleep but his senses were still on high alert. It would be awhile before he relaxed enough to get any sleep.

"You haven't kept count?"

Edward snorted. "I lost count when I smoked my last cigarette."

"It's been five weeks."

"Five weeks! Is that normal to be here that long without being relieved?"

"Not much has happened, so it is when there are not enough men to do the relieving."

"You're right," Edward said leaning his head back, closing his eyes. He needed to get out. He had enough room to work out but he had the urge to run, to feel the cold winter air whipping across his face. The stifling confinement of the trenches was getting to be too much for his nerves and despite the cold he was feeling like he was slowly suffocating. He also desperately wanted a bath. The trenches were muddy from the frozen ground crunched and melted by their boots. They were also starting to smell from having so many unwashed bodies stuck in them for a month.

"Lieutenant Colonel, sir," Sergeant Sharpe said handing the communications receiver to Edward who took it quickly hoping for some news that they would be relieved soon. He listened intently for a few minutes looking like he wasn't sure if he was hearing right. He gave the receiver back to Sharpe and looked at Havoc questioningly.

"What's up, Chief?" The Lieutenant asked.

"We're going to be relieved today. We are to await the Fuhrer in Juniper. He has special orders for me."

"Ah fuck," Havoc sighed like he knew what was in store for them.

"Do you think it'll be that bad?" Edward asked worriedly. He liked the idea of getting out of the trenches but any cheerfulness he started to feel was diminished by Havoc's lack of enthusiasm.

"Of course it will," Havoc explained. "If it was easy he wouldn't have you handle it and wherever you go I go."

Edward decided not to worry about it too much. If it got him out of the trenches then he didn't care too much about the price he would have to pay. He was confident enough to handle whatever it was the Fuhrer had in store for him.


	17. Chapter 17

They made it back to Juniper with no problems and Edward's troop was finally supplied with rations. Once the troop was settled in their encampment, Edward sought out the commanding officer of the Juniper front, a Colonel Chamberlain, for the rest of his orders. He learned his troop would be given two weeks leave and Edward was to await the Fuhrer at an inn on the south side of town. Before going to the inn, Edward went out to refit himself with a new handgun and other necessities from a military supply store that had been set up in a general store. He also mailed his letters. He almost didn't send the one meant for Winry. He slipped the letters to Al in the post box and on the sly kept Winry's out of the bunch. But Havoc saw what he was doing and snatched the letter. Before Edward could get it back it was safe inside the locked box. Edward grumbled about interfering Lieutenants who overstepped their bounds as they made their way to the inn they were to meet the Fuhrer at.

The town of Juniper was still bustling but mostly with soldiers going to and fro. The south side had not sustained as much damage as the north and the town was no longer on fire. As Edward and Havoc searched for the inn they saw soldiers trying to diffuse dud shells that had managed the incredible distance and other military personnel making repairs to the town streets and buildings that were in military use. There were still shell holes in the streets and a few buildings had new ventilation.

The inn they were staying at was one of the few operating in town and they were fortunate to each get a room. It was a shabby, red brink building with several floors. It was a once respectable place in need of minor repairs that would help spruce the place up. There were cracks in the walls on the inside and pieces of plaster had fallen in places, broken loose by the ground shaking from the bombardment.

Edward was not too concerned about the look of the place. He had a room to himself with a soft bed and a bathroom with running water. It was far more luxurious than being cold and dirty in the trenches. The first thing he did once in his room was lay out on the bed, muddying the clean white sheets. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was out like a light. When he woke up several hours later he was refreshed and felt a little like his old self. He cleaned off his uniform as best he could, showered and went downstairs for something to eat. The inn was full of officers by evening and seemed almost incapable of holding in such a sea of blue uniforms. After eating Edward wandered into the barroom where some card games had started. The Fuhrer would be arriving the next day so he figured he'd have a little fun before he was sent on whatever suicide mission Mustang had in mind.

It wasn't long before Havoc wandered in looking well rested and sat in at the same table as Edward. The two other officers playing cards with Edward and Havoc were almost a mirror image of the two of them. They were a Major and a Captain who had known each other for years and were very comfortable insulting each other without taking it seriously. It was an enjoyable time for Edward, winning and losing, drinking and smoking. It was a welcome distraction from the realities of war. They played for a couple of hours and by that time Edward was so drunk he could barely see the numbers on the cards he was dealt.

"Looks like your Lieutenant Colonel can't hold his liquor," the Captain commented to Havoc.

"We'll whip him into shape soon," Havoc said, biting down on his cigarette, concentrating on his hand of cards.

"He needs to gain some weight," the Major said slapping Edward on the back. "He's too skinny. He can't handle too much booze."

"Please," Edward said slurring. "I can hold my liquor better..." and never finished his sentence as he nearly fell off his chair. Havoc and the Major caught him in time laughing as they sat him back up. Edward dropped his cards and fell forward over the table, his forehead pressed onto the smooth wood grain.

"You alright, Ed?" Havoc asked laughing.

"No... Wait, yes. I need to take a leak," he said struggling to get up. When he managed to get to his feet he had to steady himself by grabbing onto the table, which got the other officers laughing.

Edward managed to find a restroom and relieve himself. Feeling a bit sick he didn't go back to the card game thinking the cold winter air would help with the queasiness. He managed his way out of the inn and started walking, or rather stumbling. The air felt good on his face and it helped a little so he kept going. He wasn't sure how far he had walked or how long he'd been gone. He didn't want Havoc to come looking for him like some worried parent. The chill in the air started to permeate through his uniform and his teeth started to chatter. He turned around a little too quickly and had to steady himself against a lamp post. When everything around him stopped spinning so much he headed back in the direction he thought the inn was supposed to be. He stopped suddenly when he thought he was going to be sick and made his way into an alleyway not wanting anyone on the main street to see him.

In the dark, smelly alleyway he realized he probably shouldn't be out alone. The city was almost deserted but for soldiers… and looters, thinking to grab what the fleeing citizens had left behind. There were plenty of pickpockets and thieves that would have no qualms relieving a Lieutenant Colonel of his money or boots. But the way he was feeling didn't allow him to worry so much. He fell back against a wall and slid down. He still felt sick but nothing came up so he rested with his eyes closed. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there when he started to hear voices around him.

"Check his other pockets. He's too drunk to even notice."

"Are you sure we should be doing this? Look at the insignia on his shoulders. He's not a regular soldier."

"Who cares? If he's an officer then he'll have more on him."

"He looks so young."

"Do you want to eat or not? Ah ha!"

"Don't. Put it back."

"Are you kidding? We hit the jackpot!"

"Please, put it back."

"Listen to her," Edward said as he finally cleared his head enough to focus on the two girls in front of him. He opened his eyes and raised his gun to point at the girl who was counting the money she had taken from his pockets.

"Drop it," he said seeing double. He wouldn't shoot but he wasn't about to let these thieves prey upon him. He tried to keep his hand steady hoping to bluff the girls into thinking he wasn't that drunk. The girl dropped the money and ran. The other, still kneeling in front of him, didn't move. Edward moved the gun to point at her.

"Give me my money back," he commanded reaching out with his right hand. The girl who didn't run reached down to pick up the money and placed it into Edward's waiting automail palm. Her eyes never left his as she did so.

"Now go or I'll turn you over to the military police," Edward warned trying very hard not to slur.

But she didn't go.

"Are you alright?" She asked finally looking at him with concern.

"Yes."

"You don't look like you are."

"Leave me alone."

"Look. I'm hungry," she said her eyes pleading with him. "I haven't eaten in two days. Perhaps we can make a deal."

"What?"

"You know," she said smiling at him as she placed her hand on his leg. "I can give you some personal attention in exchange for some money or something to eat." She had wanted to put those days behind her but she was desperate. The young man in front of her was a lot better than most of the Drachman soldiers who had slobbered over her over the past few months she thought.

Edward didn't know if he was hearing right. But before he could answer or really wrap his mind around what the girl was offering he blacked out. When he came to he was walking but with some help. He looked to his left and saw the same girl from before. His arm was around her shoulder and she had her arm around his waist.

"Where are we going?" He asked trying to clear his vision. Everything around him was still very blurry.

"The inn."

"How do you know which one?"

"You told me."

"I did?"

"You shouldn't be wandering around here drunk that you black out and don't remember someone talking to you."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry my friend and I tried to rob you. What's your name?"

"Edward. Why are you helping me?"

"I'm hoping you'll be so grateful that you might get me something to eat."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Wait, I think I'm going to be sick."

Once Edward finished puking into the garbage can the girl had guided him to they continued towards the inn. Once inside they started for the stairs. It was a difficult journey, with Edward missing every other step to the second floor, nearly pitching the two of them down the wooden stairs. The girl finally got Edward into his room and he collapsed on the bed with a groan. He was still seeing double and it got worse when he was lying flat. He closed his eyes trying to keep his head from feeling like it would spin off.

"Can I order something?"

"Yeah."

The girl hurried out of the room. She returned a few minutes later with a tray full of bread, cheese, some dried fruit and a pitcher of water. She was ravenous and was about to dig in when she stopped and looked over at Edward gratefully.

"Thank you." She said.

"Just don't try to steal from me again."

"I won't."

"Good. What's your name?"

"Erika."

"Nice to meet you, Erika. If you don't mind I think I'll pass out now."

Erika smiled and went to work on the tray of food. When she finished she glanced at Edward lying on the bed. He seemed to be asleep. She didn't want to disturb him but she wanted to ask if she could stay. The soft bed was inviting, much preferable than going back out into the cold to find shelter. Plus, she didn't want to be wandering around at night alone. She felt she would be safe with the young officer.

"Are you still awake?" She asked tentatively.

"Unfortunately."

"Would it be alright if I stayed the night? I really don't have anyplace else to go."

Edward was too drunk to feel nervous or unsure of the request. At the moment he wanted the queasiness to go away along with the spinning feeling he still had even with his eyes closed. Before he could say anything he finally passed out.

When Edward didn't respond Erika got up to check on him. She saw he was finally asleep. Hoping he wouldn't care if she slept in the same bed as him she tried to roll him over to make room for herself. When she did she stopped for a moment to watch him as he slept. She had been stunned earlier in the alleyway. It wasn't because of the gun pointed at her but it was his eyes. She had never seen golden eyes like his before. She had found herself mesmerized by them and couldn't bring herself to run away like her friend had done. Seeing such a young man, an officer on top of it had made her feel sorry for him. She wondered if the war was really going that bad that someone so young had been recruited. Then she saw the watch he was wearing and knew it was the watch of a State Alchemist. She knew he must be exceptionally talented to have achieved that status at such a young age.

She was struck by curiosity by him and wanted to know why he was out alone in the streets drunk. _He must have seen a lot in this war to drive him to this_, she had thought. So her heart went out to him. She couldn't leave him out on the street for someone else to try and rob. Her motherly instinct took over so she helped him back to the inn.

Now as she watched him she couldn't help but marvel at how good looking he was. She reached out to stroke his blond hair, smiling at the way it stuck up in different directions. She was grateful that he hadn't asked for anything else from her. She thought it surprising that as drunk as he was that he didn't understand exactly what she was trying to offer him in the alleyway. Most men would have jumped upon the opportunity, drunk or sober. Since he didn't, she knew she could trust him and that he wouldn't hurt her.


	18. Chapter 18

He was surrounded. There was no way out. He had no gun, no knife; just his bare hands, alchemy and a wild fear. He was alone in a trench, or so he thought. He heard something, a rasping sound; an all too familiar rasping sound. He didn't want to look but he did. It was Trini, laying in the trench with him with her throat slit her pretty blue eyes gazing at him, pleading with him, no accusing him.

"Look what you let them do to me," she whispered.

"No," Edward said wanting to get as far away from her as he could, but the trench seemed to close in on him, forcing him closer to the pale form of Trini.

"I did all I could," he tried to explain helplessly. "Please, believe me; don't make me feel guilty for this." But it was too late; he could feel the guilt start to bubble to the surface. The trench started to expand and contract, like a breathing, live creature. The mud walls shot up, leaving him at the bottom of a muddy ditch filled with the mutilated bodies of blue uniformed soldiers. Suddenly someone came up from behind him. He managed to duck and a Drachman soldier came flying over and landed on the ground before him. Before the soldier could get up Edward let out a loud roar and had him by the neck with his automail hand. The soldier struggled, trying to pry the steel fingers loose but Edward just squeezed tighter. This was the enemy. This was why Trini was dying in the trench. He would avenge her; he would kill this soldier.

"Edward," the soldier said but not in the deep, husky voice of a man. It sounded like a helpless girl. The soldier reached out and gently touched his face. The Drachman soldier disappeared and before him was the girl Erika struggling to breathe. Edward released her immediately and fell back, horrified.

"I'm sorry," was all he managed to say. He started shaking with disgust at himself for what he had just done. He had almost killed her. If he hadn't woken up from the dream he would have broken her neck. Edward hung his head no longer able to look at her, his teeth clenched tight to keep them from chattering so much.

"Edward?" Erika said huskily, rubbing her neck. "Are you alright?"

"No," he growled miserably. "I should be asking you that!"

There was knocking on the door and concerned voices could be heard outside of the room.

"Lieutenant Colonel Elric!" The voice of Havoc said through the door above the din of noise. "Is everything all right?"

Edward didn't know how to answer when he realized they must have heard him yelling while he was dreaming. He was embarrassed, ashamed of himself. He didn't know how to face those outside the room. He didn't want them to see him like this. He was an officer. He had to compose himself. But he was still shaking from the dream and he couldn't face the girl he had almost killed. He drew his knees up wrapping his arms tightly around his legs like he was trying to keep himself together so he wouldn't completely fall apart. His pressed his eyes against his knees and he tried to control his breathing that was coming out in heavy rasps.

Everything he had been keeping bottled up tight was springing forth and flooding over him. The terror he felt that first month, the confusion of battle, seeing fellow soldiers torn apart by shell blasts… he had to stop it, had to get a grip on himself but it was just as he had feared. He was allowing all his pent up emotions to consume him and he couldn't contain the tidal wave.

"Lieutenant Colonel!" Havoc called out urgently as the knocking grew louder.

Edward wanted to shout for them to leave but he couldn't. Then he heard the door open.

Havoc was taken aback to see some strange girl open the door. He looked at her questioningly but she just gave him an innocent smile.

"It's nothing. The Lieutenant Colonel stubbed his toe. I'm sure you can understand how that wouldn't feel so good," she said brightly, despite the soreness of her throat, as she looked Havoc in the eye knowingly.

Havoc looked at her then into the room. He saw Edward sitting up with his knees drawn to his chest, shaking. It didn't appear to Havoc's trained eye that Edward had just stubbed his toe. Something else was the matter but knowing Edward it was not something he would discuss at the moment. Especially with officers gathering outside the room trying to look over Havoc's shoulder to see what all the commotion was about. Thinking of Edward's reputation and knowing he would have to help maintain Edward's status as an officer he played along; glad the girl seemed to understand the situation as well.

"You should be more careful sir," Havoc said. "Should I bring up some ice so it doesn't swell?"

Edward shook his head. Then realized he should say something. He knew what Erika and Havoc were doing for him. He would have to play along as well.

"No," he said when he found a voice to talk with. "I'll be fine. It just hurt like hell."

"Yes, sir," Havoc said as he reached for the door knob to close the door.

Once the door was closed Edward looked up and was surprised to see Erika was still in the room. He looked away, unable to face her after what he did.

"You should go."

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"It doesn't matter if I'm alright," he said angrily. "I wasn't the one who almost had their neck snapped."

"I'll be fine. It was an accident. But you're still shaking."

"Please, just go," Edward pleaded still not able to look at her. He heard her approach and sit next to him on the bed.

"You should try to go back to sleep," Erika said gently.

"Not with you in the room," he said feeling the guilt of nearly killing her pressing in on him.

"I'm not going anywhere. At least not until I know you're okay."

"Then I'm not going back to sleep," he said stubbornly finally looking at her. "I won't have that happen again." He didn't understand why she would stick around after he had done such a thing to her.

Erika could see talking to him wouldn't work to calm him down so she tried another tactic. Taking his face in her hands she pulled him close and kissed him. She wasn't sure if it would work, if anything she wondered if it would just make things worse but she had felt so compelled to. He hadn't meant it and she wanted to convey that she understood it was just an accident.

Edward, his eyes wide in shock, froze, his arms dropping uselessly, confused as to what to do now. But he didn't pull away. The kiss calmed his nerves immediately and he was no longer shaking. It certainly felt a lot better than the way he had been feeling. His instincts quickly took over as he closed his eyes and pulled Erika closer to him as he started to kiss her back. He finally parted from her to catch his breath and looked at her. He had a dozen questions to ask her but he was unable to ask. He wanted to know why she had made up such an excuse to cover for him and why she would end up kissing him after he told her to leave. There was an odd glint in her eyes and she leaned in to kiss him again before he could say anything. She gently eased him backwards and he couldn't stop himself from holding her tighter. The new feelings he was experiencing were definitely better than the fear and horror the dream had brought on and he was determined not to allow the new sensations from disappearing. His kisses became more intense and Erika answered back. He barely noticed that she had rid him of his jacket and shirt. But when he felt her tugging at his belt buckle, loosening it, he gently pulled her hands away and looked at her once again.

"Wait," he said out of breath, his heart raging against his rib cage. "I've never done this before."

"It's okay," she told him as she went back to helping him out of his uniform hurriedly. "Just follow your instincts," she instructed as she pulled off her dress.

Fearing the nightmare would return to haunt him, Edward pulled Erika close again and refused to let her go. It had been so awkward and nerve racking but Edward tried not to let it show. Erika had been kind and gentle, guiding him through the entire process. He wondered how she was able to tolerate his clumsiness but appreciated that she made no indication towards his lack of experience. He could tell she had done this before but it didn't bother or intimidate him. In fact he was glad she had some experience. He felt less embarrassed having her there, showing him what to do.

He was disappointed when he awoke in the early morning. The sun was just breaking free but it was still quite dark in the room. He wasn't ready to have to get up and face the day. Erika was curled up in his arms sleeping soundly and he would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of the day just lying where he was. But he would have to wake to face Havoc and his men. Would have to face whatever orders he would be given by the Fuhrer. He closed his eyes hoping to catch a few more minutes of sleep. He was exhausted and could feel his head throbbing from drinking too much the night before. As he drifted back to sleep he had a brief thought if he could have done what he had just did with Winry but knew immediately it would not have been possible. He knew he couldn't, that he wasn't in love with her to do so. But then again he wasn't in love with Erika. He had only just met her and he barely remembered how that happened. He was confused and was trying to sort out what the difference was when his eyes snapped open, no longer able to go back to sleep, and he was suddenly aware of what he had just done. The full realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he felt his heart contract.

It didn't matter if he could or couldn't with anyone. All that mattered was that he shouldn't have done anything like that in the first place. This was no way for him to behave. He should have stopped himself.

He gently pulled away from Erika and turned around, trying not to disturb her. He suddenly couldn't face her or even himself. He was ashamed that he had not attempted any self control. It was like his body had taken control and he had just went along for the ride.

_What was I thinking_, he thought to himself, burying his face in the pillow. _What is wrong with me? Why did I do this? This is not me! This is not me! It should not have been like this with some random girl! It never should have happened!_

He wanted to leave the room. But to do so he'd be in such a rush to dress he'd end up waking Erika and would still have to face her. No, he couldn't run. He would have to face Erika and his own actions whether he wanted to or not. He couldn't act like a child who ran away from their mistakes and hope they would go away on their own. But he began to wonder if it was even a mistake. He groaned inwardly, confused. _Just calm down, don't think about it now, _he told himself_. Wait till your head has cleared. Don't think about it now._


	19. Chapter 19

Havoc awoke the next morning dreading it almost as much as Edward was. He had a splitting headache from drinking too much, the Fuhrer would be arriving, and he would have to deal with Edward and his issues from the night before. Not something to look forward to.

He took his time as he showered and dressed. After a couple of cigarettes he felt somewhat prepared to see if Edward was awake. As he was heading towards the Fullmetal Alchemist's room he heard a commotion downstairs. Leaning over the railing he saw Mustang enter the lobby of the inn, followed by several officers and aides that were part of his entourage. Havoc groaned thinking it was just like Mustang to arrive early at such an inconvenient time. Wanting Edward to be clear-headed enough for the meeting with the Fuhrer, he hurried to the young officer's room and knocked. Through the closed door he heard the squeak of mattress springs and then the sounds of someone scurrying around quickly. Finally the door opened a crack and Edward peeked through looking disheveled.

"The Fuhrer is here," Havoc said before Edward could question him. "Hurry up and get ready. I'll stall him."

"Thanks," Edward said gratefully and closed the door.

Havoc went downstairs, knowing it wouldn't have looked good if the Fuhrer came to Edward's room and the girl answered the door. Now Havoc just needed to keep any other officers from weaseling their way to the Fuhrer and accidentally let it slip regarding the disturbance Edward had caused the night before.

As he approached the Fuhrer he stopped and saluted. Mustang returned the salute.

"Lieutenant Havoc," Mustang said cordially. "Just the person I was hoping to see first."

Havoc didn't like the way Mustang had narrowed his eyes with that last statement. He knew that the Fuhrer would want to talk to him about Edward eventually but he had hoped that it could wait, that the mission was more important.

"Sir," Riza Hawkeye said approaching. "I've secured a room for your use."

"Hold the room. Havoc, follow me. Let's take a ride and talk."

Riza walked past Havoc and looked at him knowingly. Havoc understood from her look that she too knew what the Fuhrer was going to say and clearly did not approve. She led the way outside to a waiting car. Mustang and Havoc got in the back while Riza took the wheel. She slowly pulled away from the curb into the deserted morning streets of Juniper.

"So how has Ed been lately?" Mustang asked getting straight to the point.

"Fine," Havoc said. "He was a bit shaky at first but he's caught on. The men respect him and he's more confident of himself. He's not afraid to make a decision on his own and stand by it."

He would not elaborate on anything else. He would only talk about the positive. He told Edward he was no snitch and he would not lose the trust he had established by going into every little detail.

"It's good to hear he's able to make decisions on his own. But I wonder… is a drunken brawl with an enlisted man one of those confident decisions of his?"

"Soldiers drink, they fight. It's not anything new within the military," Havoc said turning his eyes to look out the window, fuming. He should have known word of Edward's fight would eventually reach Mustang. But he knew there could be no excuse for himself or for Edward.

"True. But Ed is not just any soldier," Mustang said angrily. "I didn't ask him to put his life on hold so you could corrupt him with the finer details of soldiering."

"I didn't corrupt him," Havoc answered back, matching Mustang's tone, as he turned back around to face the Fuhrer. Mustang's words stung. He was upset that his tactics would be questioned and that petty officers were talking behind Edward's back. Sure, he dragged Edward from the fight but he knew Mustang would not care about that minor detail. Especially the fact that he hadn't been there to prevent the brawl would be held against him.

"I only helped him to fit in," Havoc continued. "Did you really think anyone was going to take a kid with a few extra stars and stripes on his shoulder seriously?"

"He's a gifted alchemist; they would have seen what he was capable of..."

"Only other alchemists can appreciate what you guys do," Havoc interrupted. "We normal people need more than just showing off."

"It's not _showing off_ if we use our skills to protect the rest of you during battle."

"Then what was he to do in between battles?" Havoc pointed out. "During those times when there is nothing to do. Impress the men with his skills? It doesn't work that way. I think you've lost touch with what it's like to be face to face with the men who are doing the fighting."

Havoc knew it was a cheap shot. He could see the stress Mustang was under. The Fuhrer looked as if he'd aged a couple years since the last time Havoc had seen him. Mustang's normally pitch black hair was showing signs of graying at the temples and a deep furrow had developed over his brow. But Havoc didn't care at the moment. He was responsible for Edward and he didn't need Mustang looking over his shoulder to make sure he did his job, which he was fully capable of doing.

"Someone has to direct this war," Mustang said in his defense. "I'm being pulled three different ways."

"Right, so you have more important things to be worried about then whether it was a good idea to have taught Ed to smoke and hold his liquor. You don't understand, Roy," Havoc said his voice breaking slightly. "You don't know how hard it was to look him in the eye. To see how scared he was and not betray anything, to act like I didn't notice in order to keep him from falling apart. I did what I could to help ease the situation for him so he would stop _looking_ at me like that."

Mustang stared at Havoc speechless. He hadn't realized how this could affect the Lieutenant. He had taken for granted the fact that Havoc was always so calm and seemed not to be affected by much. But beneath all that he was still human and seeing Edward's fear would get to him. Havoc did not have the luxury of trying to protect Edward from the harsh realities of war since they were in the middle of one. Havoc could not crack under pressure and it was impossible to think he would be able to maintain an air of indifference forever. Mustang knew he had floundered between protecting Edward from the truth, and criticizing the young man for growing up too fast and not being able to accept the fact that life was not always fair. It wasn't only Edward risking his life in battle. Havoc's life was in danger too, after he'd just spent over a year recovering the use of his legs. This war would change him. He didn't have to return to the military but he did so out of loyalty to Mustang. Havoc may be held responsible for Edward but in the end, Mustang knew it was him who was really responsible for the two of them. At the moment he didn't feel he'd done a very good job of seeing to their well being.

"Look," Mustang said, softening his tone. "I'd just like to have Ed return to his brother without too much damage."

"It's too late for that. You asked a kid to go to war, not a picnic. You were in Ishbal, you should know better. If you want to know the truth, Ed was close to cracking. But the funny thing is, the fight knocked some sense into him and now he's able to follow whatever orders you can throw at him without blinking. If we're done with this little chat, I'll go see if Ed is up so you can put him in more danger and cause even more damage than I could. Pull over, Riza."

She glanced at Mustang, but slowed the car down. Before it came to a complete stop Havoc opened the door and jumped out.

"Drive around a bit. Give him time to cool off," Mustang said after closing the door.

"It wouldn't surprise me if he were to assassinate me with the mood he's in."

He settled back into the leather seat of the car and sighed.

"Something wrong, sir?" Riza asked.

"I just realized I've lost one of my pawns," he said regrettably.

"I'm sure you would have expected that."

"I did. But it's different when you come face to face with the reality, to have him switch sides on his own instead of being taken away from me. Those two are like brothers now and I feel like an asshole for what I'm about to ask them to do."

"You can always ask someone else," Riza pointed out.

"But I don't trust anyone else."

"You order them not to die yet you're ready to order them into an even worse situation then going into battle? It really isn't fair."

"What do you mean?" Mustang asked sitting up a bit.

"You, preying upon their vulnerabilities."

"How so?"

"You knew the situation between Edward and Alphonse," Riza said calmly, as if explaining something to a small child. "You knew Edward would accept the promotion to get away and you knew that Jean, once under Edward's command would be completely loyal to him; that he would feel responsible for Edward, whether you ordered him to be or not. Then you jump down his throat for helping Edward ease into the situation you threw him into."

"I threw him into! Fullmetal didn't have to accept..."

"Don't even try to justify it," Riza said her voice rising slightly.

"What do you want me to do then?"

"Stay out of their business. They're under enough stress without you bullying them around."

"Is that any way to speak to the Fuhrer?"

"Yes, if it keeps you in line."

Mustang smirked. "If the people of Amestris really knew who's in charge, I'd be laughed out of the country. I'd be known as the Fuhrer who jumps whenever his bodyguard raises her voice."

Riza sighed, exasperated. "I don't even know why I bother. You'll never listen and you'll never change."

"If I did I would never have become Fuhrer," Mustang said with a smile, getting an eye roll from Riza.

Havoc stood against the brick wall of the inn smoking, trying to calm down. He had never been questioned about the way he did things under Mustang's command. He expected it. He knew he would be held accountable for whatever happened to Edward. He had hoped that Edward's actions during battle would be commended and noticed; not the fact that he enjoyed a drink now and then along with a good smoke. Besides, it should be no surprise that Edward would get into a fight, especially since he was known to be hot-headed at times. It may not have helped with higher ranking officers but in the eyes of Edward's troop, he had become one of them and Havoc knew they would lay down their lives for their Lieutenant Colonel.

He was proud of how far Edward had come along in such a short amount of time; proud of the fact that Edward did not depend upon his more experienced Lieutenant and was able to make decisions on his own. It was Edward who had taken out the gun on the outskirts of Great Hope and it was Edward who had held out until Major Bell's line collapsed. Edward had turned out to be a capable officer and Havoc was upset that there were other officers who were more concerned about being shown up by a kid then focusing on their jobs to help win the war. But he knew he shouldn't be surprised by such things. It was the way of the military and it would always be that way. Then to have Mustang come along with his holier than thou ways, criticizing Havoc and Edward; they had enough on their minds without worrying about whether the Fuhrer would approve of how they spent their off time.

Havoc pushed himself off the wall to head back into the inn but stopped again thinking about another problem that had presented itself; Edward and the young lady that was probably still with him. News such as that was just sitting there ready for some jealous officer to spread around to make Edward look bad, and he had enough against him already. Havoc also knew that Edward was going to have some concerns about what happened the night before. He was sure that Edward had a nightmare and the girl had done more than just make an excuse for him. The dream and the girl was sure to be a touchy subject with the Fullmetal Alchemist. _Fuck it_, Havoc thought. _He brought that upon himself. That is one thing I had nothing to do with_. _He's going to have to deal with that on his own._


	20. Chapter 20

There was a loud knock at the door and Edward's eyes snapped open. The early morning sun was now blazing through the window into the room. He jumped out of bed quickly and searched for his pants. Finding them he quickly pulled them on and went to the door, opening it a crack. Havoc stood outside the door making no attempt to look inside.

"Roy is here," Havoc said before Edward could question him. "Hurry up and get ready. I'll stall him."

"Thanks," Edward said gratefully and closed the door. He hurried around the room retrieving his clothes and ran to the bathroom to shower. He saw that Erika was awake but he was in too much of a hurry to say anything to her. After a quick shower and thorough teeth cleaning, he threw his clothes on and wondered if he had time to brush off his uniform. He sniffed it and grimaced thinking the shower was wasted. The uniform smelled of cigarettes, booze and dirty alleyways but he didn't know how long Havoc would be able to stall the Fuhrer. He would just have to hope Mustang had a stuffy nose. As he was about to leave the room when Erika stopped him.

"Wait!" She called out wrapping a sheet around her and getting up.

"What?" He questioned impatiently.

She came over and turned him around. "You're shirt's un-tucked," she said as she fixed it and turned him back around. She smiled observing how much better he looked after a shower. She liked how his blond, wet hair stuck up all over the place.

"Thank you," he said shyly, feeling his cheeks color. He didn't have time to really think about what else he should do or say, or to even think any more about what had happened the night before. But he knew he should say something.

"Order whatever you want from the inn keeper and you're welcome to stay," he told her as he left to meet with the Fuhrer.

As he stepped out of his room he saw Havoc appear from the head of the stairway. There was a dark, brooding look on Havoc's face that quickly changed to his familiar sarcastic, knowing look. Edward's initial reaction of curiosity over his Lieutenant's dark mood changed just as quickly to annoyance and embarrassment. Trying to ignore Havoc's smirk, which made Edward think he knew or suspected what happened that night, he walked by hurriedly and started downstairs with Havoc following.

"Did you sleep well, sir?" Havoc asked with mock concern.

"I did," Edward replied, trying not to betray that he had done anything he might be embarrassed about.

"How's the toe?"

"Fine," Edward said hoping that would be it from the inquisitor.

"Will the young lady be spending the night again?"

Edward stopped and closed his eyes. Leave it to Havoc to have to say something about the whole affair. Edward turned to face Havoc. He didn't know how to react. He wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come to him. He didn't know whether he should defend himself, deny anything had happened, order Havoc to keep his mouth shut or just ignore it for now. Havoc stood there trying very hard not to smile. Not able to think of anything to say, hoping it would be best to ignore the issue for now, Edward turned back around and continued down the flight of stairs.

"Where is that asshole?" He grumbled.

"He's in the lobby," Havoc said.

As Havoc left Edward stopped at the foot of the stairs to compose himself. If Havoc could read him so easily, then Mustang would too. Straightening out his uniform and lifting his head high, he continued towards Mustang.

"Fuhrer," Edward said as he stopped before Mustang and saluted.

"So good of you to make time in your busy schedule to meet with me, Fullmetal," Mustang said returning the salute.

"I apologize if I kept you waiting, sir," Edward said, surprisingly polite. Though, if there weren't other officers milling around the lobby of the inn Edward would not have restrained a sarcastic comment, as he was now forced to do.

"Apology accepted," Mustang said magnanimously, knowing it took a lot of restraint on Edward's part to maintain his composure.

"Thank you, sir." _Oh this bastard just loves to do this to me in front of people_, Edward thought really annoyed.

"I have a special assignment for you," Mustang said getting to business as he stopped teasing the young officer. "We'll have to talk in private. Follow me."

Edward followed Mustang into a room off of the lobby. Hawkeye was standing at the door and saluted Edward as he followed Mustang in. Riza then closed the door after them.

It was a room that had seen better days used for private functions. But like most of the buildings in the area it had sustained damage from shells dropping around the inn. Large cracks spread out like spider webs along the walls. A chandelier had fallen from the ceiling and was now propped up in a corner. Mustang maneuvered around a desk that was littered with paperwork and rolled up maps. He unrolled one of the maps and used some tarnished candlesticks to keep it in place.

"I hope you slept well," Mustang said not looking up at Edward.

Edward froze, staring at him, wondering if Mustang had already been informed about last night. He didn't think he'd know anything about Erika, but word could have reached Mustang about the disturbance he had caused while he was dreaming.

"I'm fine," he said with a slight tremble.

Mustang looked at Edward and regarded him. Seemingly satisfied that Edward was fine as he said, Mustang looked back down at the map.

"Good. Then I trust you're up for this mission."

"Of course," Edward said with more confidence, seeing that Mustang had no idea what had happened and the comment was just polite small talk.

"I'm sending in two groups to cross enemy lines," the Fuhrer began. "There are two major bridges in Amestris that Drachma now has control of. I want them destroyed. I want to cut off their supply lines and prevent fresh troops from reinforcing their line. This should cause some disruption to give us some breathing room until we can get more troops to support the northern line. Breda will be leading the other group to destroy the bridge near Harrington. You get the one to the north of Great Hope."

"Are you sure you want to be sending in your loyal supporters behind enemy lines? I'll be taking Havoc with me you know."

"I know. It's a risk that needs to be taken. Besides, I know you and Breda will succeed, along with Havoc. I trust you three will return unharmed. You will have to go in dressed as Drachman soldiers, so you will have to take a small group with you. Just make sure you don't get caught or you'll be shot as spies."

"Yes, sir," Edward managed despite the dryness in his mouth. He had faced many Drachman soldiers before and had been able to get into places he shouldn't be going into when he was younger. But this was different. To have to infiltrate miles behind enemy lines. There were any number of things that could happen that would cause the mission to fail.

"Fullmetal, don't panic on me now," Mustang said, studying him. "You've done well so far. Just focus on what you need to do."

"Yes, sir," Edward said putting as much confidence into his voice as he could muster.

"Good. Breda has already been briefed and will be setting out about the same time you do. I want to coordinate this so the destruction of the two bridges happens almost simultaneously. Hopefully it'll cause enough confusion that Drachma won't know where to focus their attention on right away. So you will both have to be in position to detonate in one week."

"Sir, why don't I go in alone? I would be able to slip in and out. I could bring down the bridge using alchemy."

"No," Mustang said immediately. "You're not going anywhere alone. You will have backup and your alchemy will only be used as a last resort. Breda does not have an alchemist with him and I want this to look like non-alchemists did this. I don't want you to turn into a target. Anyone suspicious will be searched for transmutation circles and if you were caught it wouldn't be too hard to figure out who you were," Mustang said regarding Edward's right arm.

"Alchemists have already been targeted by Drachma," Mustang continued. "We've lost too many already, we don't need to lose anymore."

"Then why bother to send me," Edward muttered, looking back down at the map.

"Are you saying you're completely useless without alchemy?" Mustang asked.

"Of course not!" Edward exclaimed insulted.

"Anyways, you and..." Mustang continued, but stopped suddenly. Edward looked back up at him and saw he had an odd look on his face.

"What?" Edward asked. "You're not about to change your mind and get someone else now, are you?"

"No," Mustang said then smiled. "Did you grow?"

The question caught Edward off guard. He didn't know. He hadn't been too concerned about how tall he was lately. He had more important things to be worried about. But he could see that he had gotten taller. He was almost eye to eye with Mustang now.

Mustang reached over and grabbed Edward's left arm and held it out in front of him. The sleeve of his uniform rose about three inches from his wrist.

"You should think about getting that uniform altered," Mustang commented with a smirk.

"I'll put it on my to-do list," Edward said with a touch of insolence as he pulled his arm away. "One: blow up bridge behind enemy lines. Two: come back alive. Three: get uniform altered. Four: get killed in next battle."

"I am officially ordering you not to get killed."

"Anything can happen."

"Sure it can. But it better not."

Mustang continued debriefing Edward regarding the mission. Once the meeting was done Edward left to make his preparations. As he stepped out of the room he found Havoc and Hawkeye together deep in whispered conversation that stopped immediately. Edward figured he would find out what they were talking about later and gave Havoc a look that meant for him to follow the Lieutenant Colonel.

As Edward and Havoc walked out of the inn towards the troop's encampment, Edward went over the details of the mission with Havoc. They discussed who to bring and a way to slip past the Drachman line, a detail Mustang had left up to Edward's discretion. The mission was not going to be a simple task, but bringing too many along would make it worse. They would need at least two others if they wanted to be able to split up. Sergeants Brody and Sharpe were both capable and experienced, and Havoc thought they would be better at stealth work than the others. Ed could just imagine Sergeant Jacks calling him 'Lieutenant Colonel Elric' at an inopportune moment, and had to agree.

As a group they were to return and meet with the Fuhrer in an hour to be instructed on the workings of the Drachman army and to be fitted with their disguises.

With a few minutes to spare Edward paid for an extra two weeks for his room informing the inn keeper, quietly, that the girl was going to remain as his guest. The man behind the front desk didn't seem too surprised by such instructions and Edward realized that this was probably a common occurrence. He didn't know what he should think about that but didn't have the time to analyze it. He returned to his room, knocking lightly. Erika answered and smiled.

"It's your room, you didn't have to knock," she pointed out as he entered.

"I know," Edward said sheepishly. "But it'll be your room for two weeks if you'd like to stay, I mean, if you don't have anyplace to go. I won't be here for a while and I'd like to have the room when I return..."

"Where are you going?" She asked with a look of concern.

"I really can't say right now," Edward said nervously. "I've got to go now."

He went to reach for the door knob to leave but Erika stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know," Edward said opening the door to leave.

"Be careful," Erika said with a small smile.

"Okay," he told her then left the room. He closed the door quickly and leaned against it with his eyes closed.

"Something wrong, Chief?"

Edward jumped and looked towards Havoc's room. The tall Lieutenant locked the door to his room then approached Edward.

"You're a little jumpy; nervous about the mission?" He asked.

"Fuck!" Edward exclaimed and headed for the stairs. "I don't know what I'm thinking," he said trying to keep his voice low.

"So you're letting her stay?"

"Yes, but I know how that looks," Edward said worriedly. "But I don't think she has any place to go."

Edward stopped at the foot of the stairs. He could see across the lobby Brody and Sharpe milling around as they waited for Edward and Havoc. Sharpe was trying to get Riza's attention unsuccessfully.

Edward felt a burst of anger at himself that he would be noticing such things now. He didn't want to be burdened with the knowledge that women existed and men were more than likely only interested in one thing; that he too would only be interested in that one thing. He didn't want to be thinking that a really pretty girl was in his room at that moment and that she would probably be there when he returned. He also did not want that fact to reach Mustang. Edward ran into the barroom and ordered a drink. He knew it was too early to be drinking, that he was due to meet with the Fuhrer again, but he needed something to calm him. He downed the drink and was ready to ask for another when Havoc's hand covered the glass.

"Just one," he said.

"Okay," Edward said in agreement and stood there for a minute trying to collect himself, pushing all unnecessary thoughts out of his head. He forced himself not to worry about anything else but the mission. The mission was all that mattered at the moment, even though that was nerve racking enough. But he knew he was more than capable of handling that situation. He let out a huge sigh when he finally felt he was ready to move on from his mini meltdown.

"Fuck," he said exasperated. "I never panic like this. What the fuck am I doing?"

"Learning the ways of the world," Havoc said. "It wasn't all about alchemy and searching for the Philosopher's Stone."

"You're telling me," Edward said laughing.

"Come on," Havoc said clapping Edward on the back. "Let's get this shit over with."

Edward nodded and followed Havoc out of the barroom.


	21. Chapter 21

Edward sat in anticipation of the bombardment that would erupt in minutes. He didn't care too much for the plan he had suggested. He hadn't expected it to be taken seriously.

Major Miles, the part-Ishbalan man who had been stationed at the Briggs stronghold and one of General Armstrong's strongest supporters, had come along as part of Mustang's entourage to brief Edward's small group before their covert operation. Having been stationed at Briggs, right on the Drachma-Amestris border for several years, he had plenty of knowledge that proved beneficial to the mission. Edward wished he could take along Major Miles, but his red eyes and tanned skin would hinder him from walking freely amongst the Drachmans. But when Edward offered his idea, Major Miles jumped upon the opportunity to assist him further, despite having already provided them with much-needed information to get them through Drachman-held territory safely.

Edward didn't feel right about risking men's lives just to get his small group through Drachman lines. But everyone was in agreement that it was the most logical way to do it. Orders were issued with high priority for Major Miles' command to be redeployed to the far western line of North City. There had been skirmishes and sporadic bombardments over the last two weeks, so the bombardment that Edward currently was waiting for would not look suspicious.

Major Miles, crouching below the trench wall, approached Edward and saluted.

"The bombardment will start momentarily, sir," he informed Edward, who nodded in response.

"I know it's too late to change our plans," Edward said. "But I'm not comfortable about this. Risking your troop just to get us through Drachman lines."

"Don't worry about us," Miles said reassuringly. "We're all at risk as this war continues. Besides, my men are restless. I think they're looking forward to killing some Drachmans."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from a seasoned northern troop," Havoc said smiling.

"So true, Lieutenant," Miles said with a hint of pride in his voice. "It's the Drachmans you should be worried about, Fullmetal, not my men. They're anxious for a little payback for the humiliation of being driven out of Briggs."

Edward smiled, feeding off of the confidence that Havoc and Miles seemed to be riding high on.

"Thank you, Major," Edward said. "For volunteering."

"My pleasure. And if you ever get tired of your Lieutenant," he said turning to Havoc, appreciating the compliment regarding his troop. "Send him my way. I've heard he's quite useful."

"Not in this lifetime," Edward said.

"Stop, please," Havoc said. "You're making me blush."

Miles checked the time. "They're about to start. I'm going to check that everyone is in position one more time. When the bombardment starts, after a minute I'll give the signal and you know the rest," he said saluting again as he left to go down the line.

The Major hadn't been gone long when the Amestrian guns broke through the still air with the ringing of shell fire. It didn't take long for the Drachmans to answer. After listening to the continuous thundering for sixty seconds, the shrill whistle was heard. Edward's small group along with Major Miles' command launched themselves over the trench walls and started running. They ran for several yards with Drachman shells dropping around them. After gaining several more yards the shells stopped and they were met with gun fire. Edward had to restrain himself from using alchemy. They were going to be overly cautious. They didn't want the Drachmans to suspect anything unusual. Any casual observer would not notice if alchemy had been used in an area where none had been for quite some time. They also would not notice if it were to stop suddenly. The Drachmans, they had been informed during their briefing from Miles, were very observant and knew the ways of alchemists, though they themselves did not promote the use of the science.

The order was given to drop and return fire. Edward noticed that he did so without even thinking. It had become so natural. He couldn't believe how numb he had become to the sights and sounds of the battlefield within just a few short months. All thought and feeling shut down and his instincts took over. He had always been a quick thinker but he had never been challenged in such a way before. He knew he shouldn't feel proud that he was there, at that moment, shooting at a fellow human being; but he couldn't help it. He felt no fear or distress and was able to do what he needed in order to serve his country. The thought fueled his anxiousness for them to make another charge. They would have to do so in order to come face to face with the Drachmans.

Finally another signal sounded and they made another charge. As they did so Edward saw Drachmans popping up like prairie dogs, dozens of black uniformed soldiers that were now heading towards them. This was it, the moment when they would have to time things right and not be seen in the confusion of battle.

As the two armies clashed, Edward led his small group through the throng of fighting men. They pushed and shoved their way until they were just in the thick of Drachman soldiers. Edward spotted a hole created by an artillery blast, holding onto his chest to give the appearance he had been shot, he fell in. If any Drachmans had seen him he was forgotten and left for dead. Havoc, Sharpe and Brody soon followed in the same manner as Edward. As Brody stood guard, watching the rim of the hole, the other three quickly changed into the Drachman uniforms they had been carrying in their packs. All three then proceeded to cut the palms of their hands and smear blood on themselves to lend their wounded soldier act some credibility. When they were done, it was Brody's turn and as he got ready, Edward discreetly crawled out of the hole. There were no soldiers nearby; the fighting had surged ahead towards the Amestrian line. He reached down to help Sharpe out, just as a fellow soldier would when helping a wounded comrade, and they stumbled their way to the Drachman line. When they gained some yards, Edward took a look back to see Havoc helping Brody out of the hole and beyond them Major Miles' troop making a surge that was driving the Drachmans back.

Edward turned back around. Keeping low he followed the other wounded Drachmans that were making their way back behind their own lines. He didn't get too close, not wanting to call any unnecessary attention to himself and Sharpe.

They came upon a wooded area that had a road splitting the forest in two. Edward and Sharpe veered off, unseen, from the road into the trees and settled behind a large oak to wait for Havoc and Brody. They waited anxiously, trying to keep out of sight of the wounded that trickled by ten feet away from them. A Drachman medical team rushed by towards the battle and Edward pulled himself out of sight just in time. A medical officer had looked his way for a split second then turned his attention back to the road he was running along.

Edward didn't know if Havoc and Brody were taking longer than necessary or if he was just being impatient. He was ready to leap out and find them when he finally spotted the two men. They came upon the dirt road, supporting each other and as they made their way into the thick trees Edward called out to them. When they approached Edward noticed a dark, wet spot that was spreading on Havoc's left arm.

"Jean," he said worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"Just a scratch," he said sitting down. Brody kneeled beside him and removed his pack. Digging around he produced a bandage that he wrapped around Havoc's arm.

This was another reason Edward hadn't been comfortable with his plan. It was likely they would have been killed or injured trying to cross the Drachman lines in the middle of a battle. Edward was glad it was nothing more than a scratch but it was bleeding profusely.

"You're not going to bleed to death on me?"

"Hell, no," Havoc said, wincing as Brody tightened the bandage. "Looks worse than it is. But I'm starting to get superstitious. I feel like I'm attracting bad luck."

"You just haven't learned how to dodge bullets like me," Brody joked.

"Alright," Edward said. "Let's bury our uniforms here."

They hurriedly removed the contents of their packs and put their rations and extra ammunition into Drachman made ones they had kept hidden. After making sure the light would not be seen, Edward used his alchemy to create a hole in the ground where they dumped their blue uniforms and old packs. The only pack not thrown in with the bunch was Brody's. His had been the only Drachman pack exposed since he was carrying the explosives needed to bring down the bridge. Sharpe then made a small mark in the tree with a knife. It would help them know where to find their old uniforms to change back into so they would not be shot when trying to cross back over the Amestrian lines. After burying the uniforms and covering the freshly turned dirt with dried, dead leaves, they moved out, staying as far from the road as possible.

Whenever they heard shouts of men they froze, pressing themselves into the winter-worn trees. When Edward felt it was safe he would motion for them to continue. It was a tense trek through the woods. He didn't think there would be many Drachmans wandering around with the battle that was raging, the echoes of which could still be heard. He stretched out with his five senses, trying to perceive beyond the normal range of a human. They were now in enemy territory and they could not afford to let their guard down.

Mustang's intelligence team had done its job well; from Major Miles timely information, interrogating Drachman prisoners and gathering news from refugees that had escaped from the north, Edward felt well prepared. He could feel himself starting to think like a Drachman soldier. But he kept himself from feeling too over-confident. They may be well prepared but they were surrounded by their enemy; an enemy that was not to be taken lightly.

It took them several hours before they reached the edge of the forest. As they stepped out into the open air Edward felt a release from the tension he had felt while walking through the woods. He felt like he had been holding his breath the entire time. But just as soon as he felt the relief a completely new feeling came upon. Seeing the flat expanse they would have to cross made him want to dart back into the safety of cover the trees provided. The great farm lands that welcomed them made Edward feel extremely exposed and vulnerable. There would be limited places to take cover and he dreaded the thought of the eventuality of coming face to face with any Drachman patrols.

They took a few minutes, before venturing too far from the forest, to get their bearings. After consulting a map and compass, they set out. Edward took a deep breath and mentally steadied himself for the long journey ahead of them.


	22. Chapter 22

It was strange to walk through your own country yet feel like a foreigner. But the Drachman occupation could be felt with each step Edward took. He could smell them though they were probably miles away. Their influence was that overwhelming or maybe it was the unfamiliar uniform he had to wear. He knew it wasn't just the uniform. He could see it in the land. Everything was still as they made their way down an obscure country road. It was cold yet there had been no wind or rain; just a gloomy thin cloud cover. Birds were silent and the usual scurrying of small creatures one would find in the country was non-existent. It was like time had stopped, hoping the troubles happening far off would pass them by; as if the silence was meant to say there is nothing here for you, don't bother.

Nobody spoke for two days. The sound of their footsteps was all that could be heard in the quiet of the countryside. They traveled all day and well into the night, until they could no longer see their hands in front of their faces. No moon or stars peeked through the cloud cover. The only light they would allow themselves was from a lone lighter they huddled around to keep the tiny firelight from being seen as they ate their rations. Edward was wound up so tight he could barely swallow his dinner. After choking down a couple of bites he gave up not feeling any hunger. The only thing he felt within the pit of his stomach was his nerves grating as they wound up tighter with anticipation and anxiety.

They kept watch in pairs but each man doubted the other slept when they had the chance. It was the third night. Edward and Havoc were on watch when Edward finally broke the silence.

"How's your arm?" He asked, his voice rough and dry from not using it for so long. He couldn't remember going so long without talking or shouting.

"Its fine," Havoc answered quietly and neither one said anything else.

Edward sighed. He didn't know why he had to say something. He knew Havoc's arm was alright. He figured he did it just to break the tension. It helped a little. He allowed his mind to wander, to think about Erika, wondering what she was doing and if she was alright. He tried to fight through the haze of memory that he had that night they met. Bits and pieces came to him in flashes that were out of order. He could barely remember what Erika looked like. He knew she was pretty but he couldn't remember what color her eyes were or her hair. Before he had left he was so nervous when he told her she could stay in his room, he couldn't even make eye contact with her. But he did remember she sounded concerned when she asked how long he would be gone. He didn't know if it meant anything; if it was meant for him or if she was scared to be left alone.

"Thinking about your girlfriend?" Havoc asked suddenly breaking into Edward's thoughts.

"She's not my girlfriend," he hissed angrily.

"Then she's you're..."

"Don't even finish that sentence," Edward said dangerously.

"You know, the least you could have done was bring a girl back for me," Havoc joked.

"Sorry," Edward said with a small smile. "She didn't like having a gun pointed at her."

"What?"

"I was feeling sick so I went out to get some fresh air that night," Edward explained. "I ended up in some alleyway. Erika and some other girl were trying to rob me. I chased the other one away but Erika stayed and helped me back."

"I'm going to wring that innkeeper's neck."

"Why?"

"I asked him if he'd seen you..."

"What business is it of yours where I am?" Edward said annoyed at his babysitter. He knew he shouldn't be surprised that Havoc would have come looking for him, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

"You were gone for a long time and were drunk. I thought you'd end up fighting again. Anyways, the innkeeper said you had gone back to your room. He forgot to mention that you didn't go back alone. It's been a long time since I've been that surprised. That really threw me off when I saw her open the door to your room."

"It threw me off too," Edward said thoughtfully. "Making that excuse for me."

"So you didn't stub your toe?" Havoc asked with mock surprise.

"You know I didn't," Edward said irritably. "I was dreaming...I nearly killed her..."

"I'm sure that was an accident and you may feel obligated to her; but are you sure you can trust her? She tried to rob you so this could just be some way to take advantage of you."

"I guess," Edward said understanding what Havoc was saying. "But when I left, she looked worried. I shouldn't have left her alone."

"There's not much you could have done about that, so don't think about it now. I'm sure she'll be alright."

"Wake those two up," Edward said. "It's their watch." He wouldn't ask for Havoc's advice regarding Erika. There was no need for him to burden the Lieutenant. It was up to him to figure out, on his own, what to do.

Once the first rays of the morning sun were detected they swallowed their breakfast quickly and set out. The conversation the night before had Edward's mind in a whirl of confusing and conflicting thoughts. He kept thinking about Erika and whether she was alright. He was worried about her being alone in a hotel full of officers; a hotel where the Fuhrer was and who could find out about the girl staying in the Fullmetal Alchemists' room. But part of him almost didn't care if Mustang found out. He had to have some life of his own, to make his own decisions regarding what he felt like doing with his off time. The military may own him but it was only up to a certain point. He had a right to enjoy himself if he was putting his life on the line. Now he wished he had kissed Erika before he left so suddenly, thinking that if something happened to him during the mission, at least he would have had that one last kiss.

He felt guilty about it but he had to admit he did enjoy that night with Erika. It was nothing that he had ever experienced before and it scared him how much he liked it. It also angered him to know that he had lost himself and he didn't like the feeling of not being in control, though he knew he should be used to such things by now; he was after all in the military and had been for five years. But it was the thought of losing himself to himself. His rational thoughts being blocked by something else within him. He had lost control before; those little rages he had whenever his lack of height was brought up, but those outbursts never left him feeling so confused.

He knew he shouldn't be thinking of such things now, that he should just focus on the mission; to pay attention to what he was doing and be alert to his surroundings.

They were walking through a field. Sharpe was five feet in front of him, with Havoc and Brody bringing up the rear of their line. The field looked as if it had been trampled through not to long ago. Holes were dug in places like someone had been looking for leftovers from the harvest. Ration cans, spent shells and scraps of bandages were everywhere; all things left behind by a retreating or an advancing army.

Edward sighed as he continued walking along, thinking how much of the countryside had been destroyed by the fighting. It was winter and much wasn't expected to be happening during the cold weather; but the land should not look like it'd been trampled and abused. It should be lying in wait for spring, ready to accept the new seeds that would produce a fresh crop. It depressed Edward to see the fields looking so abandoned.

He cursed himself for not paying attention as he paused to pull his left foot out of a hole it had sunk into. As he did so, he heard Havoc ask something but the end of his sentence was swallowed by a deafening blast that threw Edward back.

He lay on his back in silent shock, still feeling the burning heat of the blast that had thrown him back. His ears were ringing and it was all he could hear. He opened his eyes, blinking the dirt and smoke out of them. Looking around wildly he could only see the haze of gray sky above him but he still couldn't hear anything. He felt the beginnings of panic form and he tried to still his wildly, beating heart as he came to realize what had happened. Then, as if he was hearing underwater, he started to hear the worried questioning of Havoc and Brody.

"Ed! Answer me! Are you alright?! Ed!"

He wondered why they weren't hovering over him, as worried as they sounded; but knew he was foolish to think they would risk running over to him when they were in the middle of a mine field. He lifted his head slightly and he finally heard things more clearly.

"Fuckin Sharpe!"

"Brody, shut up! Ed!"

"I'm fine," Edward finally managed to say.

"Can you move?"

"Yes," Edward said moving carefully as he sat up.

"Just stay in one place. Don't move beyond where you landed," Havoc instructed.

"I know," Edward said angrily, the full reality of being in a mine field and them not taking any precaution for such a thing. "I was fucking paying attention to your fucking lessons!"

"Don't bite my head off, Ed!"

"Just shut up so I can concentrate then!"

"Brody be quiet!" Havoc shouted at Brody, who was still muttering about Sharpe, needing to take his frustrations out on someone. He too, was cursing himself for not having thought that there would be any mines in the field. The field did not bear signs of fighting that had occurred nearby or any entrenchments. It just looked like a spot where a marching army would walk through to take a shortcut as they had done.

Edward looked ahead of him and saw the smoking remains of Sergeant Sharpe. His eyes drifted down unwillingly to his uniform where some of Sharpe had splattered on him. It took all his will power not to succumb to the same disgust and nausea he had felt when he had killed the Drachman soldier with his automail. He had seen men torn apart before but it was so horribly different to feel the pieces of flesh stuck to his own body. He turned his eyes away and looked at the ground around him, looking for evidence of more buried mines.

"Jean!" He called out. "I see one about two feet to my left."

"Okay," Havoc answered, sounding calmer. "Alright, Brody. Let's move out."

Edward carefully reached for the knife in his boot and unsheathed it. He righted himself onto his knees, feeling a little dizzy from being too close to the mine blast, and began to probe the ground with the knife point. He glanced over his shoulder to see Havoc and Brody doing the same thing. Turning back around he focused, intently, on the job at hand, inching his way forward slowly.

They had been so close to the road. Sharpe had only been ten feet away. Edward tried not to think about it and kept prodding the dirt gently for anything heavy and metallic. It felt like hours before he was close enough to the road. When he was within a foot he stood up carefully and leapt towards the solid, packed in dirt road. Unable to breathe a sigh of relief he turned back around to watch Havoc and Brody's progress. Havoc was almost to the spot where Edward had fallen and Brody was just behind him. Edward watched, not daring to breathe as Havoc slowly moved forward. He wanted to yell for them to hurry, but he didn't want to break their concentration so he kept his mouth shut tight until his jaw ached. He knew Havoc and Brody had to be even more careful. Brody was carrying the explosives, if they didn't step in the exact spot Edward had been and touched off a mine, the explosion would leave a crater in the field several yards wide; they would all be dead along with Sharpe.

Finally Havoc reached the path Edward had left and he stood, walking slowly towards the road with Brody following. Once all three of them stood safely on the road they jogged away quickly without a backwards glance or saying anything to each other.


	23. Chapter 23

It was a shock to the three of them to have lost Sharpe suddenly. They had known what the risks were. The hardest part was not being able to retrieve his body and give it a proper burial. They had left him in pieces, bound by their duty to complete the mission. It was hard and Edward could see that Havoc and Brody felt it too.

Later that day the came upon a creek, edged with trees, that led off from a river; a river that ran through a wide ravine that a bridge stretched over. It was that bridge they were going to destroy. Edward washed off his uniform in the creek, trying hard not to think about how the dried blood had gotten there. The water was freezing but he barely felt it. The numbness he usually felt in the middle of battle had enveloped him and stretched out to include his physical feeling of touch.

That night neither of the three could sleep. They sat with their backs towards a large tree where they settled in between the roots, each lost in their own thoughts.

"No matter how many years I've been in the military," Brody said breaking the silence. "There's always something that hits you, making it hard to continue and accept what has to be done. I've seen worse and lost plenty of friends without batting an eye. I guess it means you're still human if it can still affect you."

Edward and Havoc both nodded in silent agreement. Edward hugged his knees to his chest trying to retain the numbness. He completely understood what Brody said but he didn't want to think about it. If he did he would end up feeling guilty, even though there was no need to, and all his past mistakes he still held onto would weigh him down. He didn't want any of that. He wanted to remain focused and clear-headed. He needed to make sure he made the right decisions in order to get all three of them through the rest of the mission. He didn't want the deaths of Havoc and Brody on his conscious.

"We'll continue to take watch in pairs," Edward said finding his voice. "We all need to get some rest. Brody, you first."

"I can't sleep right now," Brody said.

"I think you should, Ed," Havoc piped up. "You were the closest to that blast."

"I'm fine so that means you sleep first."

"Alright," Havoc sighed as he settled back against the tree and closed his eyes. "But only if you sing me a lullaby."

"Shut the hell up," Edward said not able to restrain a small smile, glad for the light hearted joke. Brody couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle also.

The night had been so still and quiet that when it was Edward's turn to sleep, he didn't realize he had fallen asleep. But he was still aware of where he was, so when he was awakened by someone shaking his shoulder the first thing he did was make a grab for whoever it was. Havoc grabbed onto his wrist before he could get a grip on the Lieutenant's neck.

"Nice reflexes," Havoc noted as he dropped Edward's arm, once he was reassured Edward was fully awake and no longer intent on choking him to death.

"I should return the compliment," Edward said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He didn't feel the shock and horror as he did when he had nearly killed Erika. Havoc was far more capable of defending himself than a defenseless girl.

They set out after a quick breakfast and after walking along the creek for most of the morning they came upon the river it flowed from. Not stopping for any breaks, they followed the river, going upstream, needing to hurry since they were due to destroy the bridge in two days. Another day passed at their break-neck pace and they finally came upon the opening of the ravine.

The river was fed from the northern mountain ranges and flowed by the town of Great Hope towards the southwest. As the river poured from the ravine, high, rock walls surrounded the quick moving water, making it impossible to travel along the river bank. Edward led his small team towards a rocky hill that was not too steep for climbing. As they reached the top Edward pushed his way through some bushes and found himself exposed to a dirt road that ran along the river. Brody and Havoc soon followed him and they started the march to their final destination.

Coming out of onto the road made Edward feel exactly like he did when they left the safety of the forest after they had crossed the Drachman lines. They would have to travel along the road as it hugged the edge of the ravine precariously. Edward was afraid of meeting any Drachman patrols. Every step he took he thought he could hear the rumble of a car engine down the road but nothing ever became of it. But it didn't keep Edward from moving more quickly. There was a spot where the edge of the ravine softened and they would be able to leave the road and head back towards the river bank. Edward wanted to get there as fast as he could.

When they did come to the area that Edward was looking for they also came upon the bridge. Around a bend in the road that wound around a tall cliff that shot straight up to their right, the bridge stood before them several yards away. Edward's heart leaped when he saw Drachmans swarming around everywhere. The bridge was like a water hose pouring out troops and military vehicles that fed onto the road that lead south to Great Hope.

The road they had been following led to a cross section where the bridge was. There were no military vehicles coming their way but Edward could see patrols meandering along the side of the road they were on. They quickly skirted the rocky cliff and when it dropped gradually they left the road, making their way down towards the riverbank.

Edward would not allow the sight of so many Drachmans get to him. He pushed the thought out of his head, as if they didn't exist and concentrated on not tripping and falling down the dusty, weed strewn hill. As they reached the riverbank Edward looked across and saw a patrol of four Drachmans on the opposite bank. Assuming the same stance and mannerisms as the patrol, Edward, Havoc and Brody headed for the bridge.

They were not Drachman soldiers, but they were still soldiers and they moved like one, like they had a purpose and there would be no reason to question them. What they learned regarding the Drachmans was beneficial, but Edward didn't think any specialized training for such missions would have been necessary. All someone needed were quick wits and the ability not to allow fear to cloud their good judgment. He found it relatively easy to move forward. He didn't even feel the cold, just the feverish feeling of determination and confidence.

They met no Drachmans on their side of the river and when they got to the point where they were directly under the bridge they made their ascent towards the girders, the very bones and support of the bridge. Heading to their left they climbed once again up a rocky slope to get to the girders. Every step Edward took was solid and sure. There was no hesitation or urgency. He felt calm and collected. As he climbed he spotted black uniforms moving through the bushes and spindly trees up the hill. When he got closer he saw they were standing guard near the cemented supports of the bridge. He motioned for Brody and Havoc to pause, and then pointed out the Drachmans ahead. He then pointed to himself and Havoc to indicate they would be the only two to continue their approach. Brody hung back while Havoc followed Edward.

There were only two Drachman soldiers standing near the bridge support, chatting to each other quietly. Edward approached them purposefully, making as much noise as he could. The Drachmans stopped in the middle of their conversation and turned towards the commotion Edward was causing through the brush.

"Who are you?" One of them asked looking Edward up and down. It was not unusual to see young men in the Drachman uniform. Many soldiers had been recruited when they were just boys, no older than ten or eleven. But this young man before them was a rarity. Blonde hair was not a very common feature within the borders of Drachma.

"I'm here to relieve you," Edward said putting authority in his voice. He was dressed in the uniform of a Sergeant and the two Drachmans facing him were regular enlisted men. But Edward knew even the ordinary enlisted men were highly trained and instructed to act if they noticed anything suspicious.

"I'm sorry, sir," the Drachman said when he spotted the insignia of a Sergeant on Edward's shoulders. He had stressed the word _sir_ with suspicion. "We just got here. We're not to be relieved for another..."

Even if he was suspicious Edward didn't care or give him a chance to be. Before the Drachman could finish his sentence Edward fired out with his right fist, hitting the man that was speaking in the mouth, shattering his jaw. The other Drachman made a move towards Edward but was hit over the back of his head with the end of a rifle. Havoc had quietly circled around the two men as Edward made his noisy approach.

They hurriedly bound and gagged the two Drachmans, searched them for any other hidden weapons besides their military issued gun and knife, then hid their unconscious bodies in the brush. Brody appeared then and Havoc pulled himself up to the bridge support. Brody pulled off his pack full of explosives and handed it to Havoc. Slipping the pack on, he looked around for handholds on the steel girders of the underbelly of the bridge. Finding safe holds he pulled himself up and began the exhausting climb towards the heart of the bridge.

Edward and Brody stayed where they were to keep Havoc's escape route open. The only other option he would have was to drop into the freezing cold river and hope he was dragged by the quick moving water in time to avoid a bridge collapsing on him.

Edward remained alert, his eyes and ears open for sounds of any Drachman patrols. Every so often his eyes would dart up to scan the bridge supports to check on Havoc's progress. It was a painfully slow process. The bridge stretched nearly two thousand feet across the ravine. There were no ties to keep Havoc from falling into the river if he slipped. One false move and he would be in the river. Only half of the explosives would be in place with nothing to set them off with and the other half, soaked and useless. Each time Edward's eyes found Havoc, his form grew smaller and smaller but Edward could see the confidence in which Havoc moved. It made it that much easier to feel confident in his Lieutenant and to trust that he would successfully set the explosives in place.

Three hours later Edward could see Havoc making his way back. It was getting hard to see him. The temperature had dropped and a fog was rolling in, creating poor visibility. Edward didn't see, but heard Havoc as he made his way back towards the support beam, his breathing labored from the strenuous climb. They helped Havoc down as he trailed a spool of fuse line. Havoc moved ahead of Edward and Brody, who stayed back a few paces to see that the line did not snag or break. By now the fog was so thick it was nearly impossible to see anything three feet away. It was not surprising for Havoc, walking backward as he un-spooled the line, to end up bumping into a patrol of Drachmans.

"What are you doing?" A harsh voice asked loudly.

Havoc turned around trying to think of an excuse. "Laying a communication line," he said, thanking his lucky stars that he had thought of something quickly.

"Oh really?" The man said. He was tall, taller than the Lieutenant, and behind him were three more Drachmans.

Edward and Brody had been out of sight within the fog when they heard the questioning Drachman soldier. Edward put out a hand to stop Brody from moving any further. They stood in place, listening, with Edward evaluating what to do next. He felt no fear, worry or helplessness; just a cold resolve to get away without losing anyone else.

"Who authorized this?" The Drachman asked, looking dangerously at Havoc, his finger twitching against the trigger of his rifle that was held across his chest.

"Colonel Rastan," Havoc answered, remembering the name he was to give from their briefing with Major Miles, hoping the intelligence received by the Amestrian military was accurate.

"Alright," the Drachman said, now looking half convinced. But that didn't remove his finger from the trigger. "Password."

"Charlie, Echo, Sierra," Havoc responded quickly with another piece of information they had to memorize.

The Drachman smiled. But it was not one that was usually given to a fellow comrade. It was cold and taunting. Havoc felt his stomach drop, and then his body followed when the end of the rifle was rammed into his gut. He fell forward, dropping the spool, clutching his stomach, feeling like he was going to be sick. He had no time to catch his breath when the rifle was brought down on him again, this time crushing down on the base of his skull.

He rolled over onto his side, fighting hard against the whirling dizziness and made a feeble attempt for his pistol he had tucked in his waistband, hidden by his jacket. The gun was ripped from his hand roughly when he pulled it out and was rewarded with a hit on the side of his face with it. Havoc lay still, unconscious.

"Pick him up," the Drachman ordered to the three men that had stood behind him, watching the entire show with amused looks. As they moved forward towards Havoc's still form a crack sounded and a jet of blue light surrounded their feet. Suddenly, the ground gave in like quick sand and they began to sink into the earth. The four Drachmans cried out and made attempts to pull themselves out but their attempts were useless. They were buried alive.

Edward and Brody ran from the fog cover, dropping next to Havoc. Edward did not worry about exposing them with using his alchemy. It was too foggy for anyone to see and the buried Drachmans would no longer be able to alert anyone to their presence. Though their cries as they sunk into the ground may have been loud enough for someone to hear, the explosion of the bridge would create a distraction.

"Jean," Edward whispered urgently but got no response. The Lieutenant was bleeding from a cut on his left temple.

"Brody, can you carry him?"

"Yeah."

"I'll let out the rest of the fuse line," Edward said picking up the spool where Havoc had dropped it. Brody lifted the heavy Lieutenant and grunting from the exertion, tossed Havoc onto his shoulder.

As fast as they could, they made their way along the river bank. When they came upon the spot that led up to the road, Brody set Havoc down and Edward cut the line. He lit it with his lighter and hoped the fog hadn't rendered the fuse or the explosives worthless. They hadn't planned on being so close when the bridge exploded but there was no way Brody would be able to carry Havoc uphill alone. Not waiting to hear the final outcome, Edward put Havoc's arm around his neck while Brody took the other arm and together they made the climb with dead weight of the unconscious Lieutenant.

Edward had already planned that if the explosives didn't go off, that once they had made it back to opening of the ravine, he would leave Havoc and Brody, coming back to finish the job himself. But he did not need to.

The explosion was deafening and shook the ground. They had just made their way onto the road when it happened. They could not see the damage that had been done but the sounds of panicked Drachmans could be heard amongst the raucous of a collapsing bridge.

"I need a cigarette," Havoc moaned, making an effort to stand on his own when they reached the top of the hill and stepped onto the road.

Edward and Brody smiled at each other over Havoc's blonde head with relief.

"I'll buy you a pack when we get back," Edward promised.


	24. Chapter 24

They arrived back in the forest a week later to retrieve their uniforms. They were just in time for the scheduled bombardment that would distract the Drachmans, allowing them to slip through the lines and get back over to the Amestrian side.

The past week had been an uneventful blur. Even crossing back over was a haze of movement he couldn't feel and Edward was not able to appreciate the relieved smile from Major Miles when he tapped the half-Ishbalan on the shoulder in the trenches to announce his return. He still managed to keep himself lucid as he approached the inn in Juniper and entered. It was late when he returned with Havoc and Brody. They strode past Hawkeye who stood at the door of the same room the Fuhrer had been using while they were away. Hawkeye saluted them, holding back a smile upon seeing them return in one piece and opened the door for them.

Edward hardly recognized the room. The Fuhrer had moved in completely. Lieutenant Kain Fuery was busy at a communications console in one corner, wires and other equipment strewn about on the floor around him. He looked up and gave a quick salute, a look of relief on his face as well, but he could not be distracted for long and directed his attention back to the board. The Fuhrer was busy with an aide pouring over maps and referring to some reports in his hand. Edward looked to his left as he waited to give his report to Mustang and spotted Breda sleeping on a sofa. He guessed the three men sleeping on the floor, their backs propped against the sofa, had been part of his team. They looked just as exhausted and dirty as Edward's small group. Edward felt a twinge of jealousy. He longed to curl up and sleep too, but knew it would still be a while before he could. He also felt a bit of regret that Sharpe was not there with them. Seeing Breda with his complete team made the loss that more pronounced. Edward turned to look back at the Fuhrer who had just dismissed the aide.

"Welcome back gentlemen," he said. "I'm sure it's safe to assume you completed your mission successfully."

"Yes, sir." Edward answered for the three of them wearily.

"What happened to you, Lieutenant Havoc?" Mustang asked looking him over worriedly. He noted the crusted over cut on his temple and he was unusually pale, compared to Edward and Brody.

"The Drachmans didn't like that particular password you gave us," Havoc answered sarcastically. He had been moody and irritable during the trip back. Edward had made no attempt to calm the Lieutenant in understanding. It looked like Mustang too was willing to overlook the slightly disrespectful tone.

"Hmm" Mustang grunted. "We'll have to find out why," he added with an unhappy tone of his own. But his was born from the fact that false information had been given to his men that could have resulted in the loss of a valuable soldier and good friend.

"Well, Lieutenant Colonel Elric, go ahead with your report. I want to know everything."

"Yes, sir," Edward said then launched into an account of the last two weeks.

Edward gave as detailed a report as he could so there would be less questioning from Mustang. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. He didn't think he could hold himself up much longer. The stress of the last two weeks that he had been holding back had taken a toll on him. But as tired as he was, he was more concerned about Havoc. The Lieutenant had managed to keep himself going but it was very obvious he needed rest more than Edward and Brody.

Mustang remained silent as he listened intently to Edward's report. When Edward was done Mustang called for Hawkeye and issued orders for her to see that the rooms for Breda's group and Sergeant Brody were ready, and to get a doctor for Havoc. Edward breathed a sigh of relief that there would be no questioning for him and when he was dismissed he left the room following after Riza and Havoc toward the front desk of the inn.

"Is having a doctor look me over supposed to ease his conscious for giving me shit?" Havoc grumbled as came up to Riza's side to get the key to his room.

"You know how he is, Jean," Riza said. "You shouldn't be surprised. Besides, you've never been one to complain."

"When you've had to deal with a pounding headache for a week and not be able to eat or sleep, let's see how long you can go without complaining," Havoc said grumpily as he snatched his key from the innkeeper and headed upstairs to his room.

Edward overheard the brief exchange but didn't interrupt to find out what it all meant. He knew Havoc wasn't feeling well and didn't want to question him so left the Lieutenant to go up alone.

"Welcome back Lieutenant Colonel Elric. Here's the key to your room."

"Thanks," Edward said as he took the key and trudged wearily to his room. When he reached the door to his room, he didn't bother to knock this time. Once he was inside and the door closed he slid to the floor with his eyes closed. He was so mentally and physically exhausted he didn't think he could drag himself to bed. He was perfectly content to curl up and fall asleep on the floor.

"Do you plan on sleeping on the floor?"

Edward had wondered if she would still be around when he returned, or if she had decided to just move on. Part of him wanted her to have left so he didn't have to think about the situation any longer. But another part of him was glad she was still there.

"I don't think I can take another step."

It was late and the room was dark. He opened his eyes when he heard Erika turn on the lamp that stood on the bedside table. She pulled a blanket over her shoulders and walked over to Edward, kneeling beside him.

"Were you okay, being here alone? Nobody bothered you?"

"No. It's been quiet. Come on, I'll help you to bed."

"Thank you," Edward grunted as Erika took him by the arm. He helped the best he could and allowed her to guide him to the bed. Collapsing on it he rolled over, not bothering to remove his muddy boots. He felt Erika tugging at them.

"Don't bother," he said his voice muffled by the pillow.

"It's okay. It's the least I can do."

"It was the least I could do," he said to her remembering what she had done for him before he had left. Not only did she help maintain his position as an officer, she had helped him through an even more awkward moment. But no other thought slipped through his mind and he didn't know if she said anything else. He had fallen asleep and the next thing he knew he was awakened by the afternoon sun shining down on him. He had been given three days rest and he intended to take advantage of it. He rolled over to avoid the warm sunlight on his face and realized he was bare-chested. In fact he had nothing else on but his boxers and a sheet twisted around him. He hadn't felt Erika remove his uniform. He thought he should feel embarrassed to have had someone undress him while he slept but he was still too tired to care. He wondered if she was in the room but wasn't too bothered to find out. The bed was too soft and comfortable and he just wanted to sink into it; into the very core of the mattress and not emerge until his leave was up. He heard the door open then close. He sat up to see that Erika had just come in with his uniform in her arms.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" She asked as she set his clothes on the table where a needle and thread also sat.

"No," Edward said starting to feel shy.

"You look better now that you've had some rest."

"I need more," he said as he laid back down, hoping to go back to sleep so he wouldn't have to think about what he should do for another couple of hours.

"You could use a bath."

"Do I smell that bad?" He asked not really caring if he did then wondered if he should care. Perhaps it wasn't really good manners to be stinky around a pretty girl.

"I've smelled worse," she teased.

"I'll shower later," he said too tired to worry at the moment.

"I could get a hot bath ready for you. It'll help a lot more than a shower would."

When Edward thought about it, it did sound better than a shower.

"Okay," he said nervously surprising himself he had agreed so easily. "But later, I want to go back to sleep."

"Just let me know when," Erika said as she picked up his jacket to mend. Edward rolled over and fell back to sleep.

When he woke up again, it was at the request of a very hungry stomach. He realized he hadn't eaten when he returned. He sat up and looked around the room. Erika wasn't there but lying on the table was a small loaf of bread and some fruit sitting on a tray. He found his pants at the end of the bed and pulled them on. Not even questioning who the food was for he sat at the table and ate. When he was done Erika returned.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as she shut the door.

"'Fine," he answered. "What have you been doing while I was asleep?"

"Just walking around," she told him sitting down on the other chair across from him.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Edward didn't know what else to say so he occupied himself by brushing crumbs around on the table. After a minute he grew weary of his own fidgeting and stopped. The awkward silence stretched on and Edward tried to think of something to talk about but his brain felt like it was stuck in the mud. He didn't know what he could say that would entertain a girl.

"Are you ready for a bath?" She asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah," Edward said just glad that the silence had been broken.

As he sat in the hot bath, he sighed as he felt his tense muscles slowly relaxing. Erika had been right. It did help more than a shower would have. He held his breath and sunk into the water. He had hoped the solitude of the bath would help him to think, to sort things out but it didn't. He was still confused and nervous. A minute later he rose from the water and heard a soft knock on the door.

"Who is it?" He asked then mentally berated himself.

_Of course you know who it is. Who else would it be you fool? _

_But it was a normal impulsive remark anyone would make when they hear a knock at the door._

_Yeah, when someone really doesn't know who it is! Idiot!_

"It's just me. Can I come in?"

"Uh, I guess," Edward answered nervously. He knew there was no reason to feel shy. It wasn't the first time she'd be seeing him without any clothes on. But he still hadn't figured out what to make of the whole situation between the two of them. He remembered her saying she didn't have any place to go. He had remembered a lot about that night. The bits and pieces that had come to him during the two weeks he was away.

He figured her staying with him worked out in her favor and he didn't mind helping her. But he didn't know if there was anything else he should do. He wasn't really expecting her to do so much for him. She had gotten the bath ready for him as well as washed and mended his uniform. He felt like he owed her something but didn't know how to repay her. She had just walked in with his uniform and set it on the counter.

"You really don't have to do so much for me," he told her as she came in.

"It's fine. It's my way of saying thank you for letting me stay here while you were gone."

She could tell that he would not ask for anything else from her. That she could take full advantage of him and he wouldn't say a thing. She knew she was right to trust him, that she was safe with him. The fact he could have killed her didn't even register with her. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her that he hated himself for what he did. If it had been anyone else an outright arrangement would have been settled. But when he left he gave no terms for her return of the favor for staying in his room; and because of that she wanted to repay him. But cleaning and mending a uniform didn't seem enough and there was only one way she knew how to repay his kindness.

Edward closed his eyes and tried to relax. He tried really hard not to think about Erika being in the same room as he sat in the bath.

"Sit up. I'll wash your back for you," Erika said suddenly. She had been bored and lonely as she waited for him while he was in the bath. She needed an excuse to stay with him longer.

Edward's eyes snapped open. His mind raced trying to think of something to say.

"No, I'm fine. You don't have to."

"Don't be so shy," she said as she got up and stooped next to the bath. She smiled as his nervousness. "Now lean forward."

Edward did as he was told. It felt good as she gently washed his back. When she was done she started to massage his shoulder.

Ever since the night they had met, Edward was all she could think about. When he had told her he was leaving she was scared. But it wasn't for herself, wondering what she was to do all alone. It was for him and she had worried over him for the past two weeks. But now that he had returned and he was there in front of her, she no longer felt that what she wanted was to repay him; but to take more from him. She felt she shouldn't, that she would still be taking advantage of him but her selfishness was too great and Edward was just too good looking. She hadn't felt so drawn towards someone in such a long time.

"We can do it again if you want."

Edward felt the air catch in his lungs. He was ashamed at himself that he had been thinking about it. He wondered if Erika could read his thoughts, if he had somehow made it obvious. This wasn't exactly the ideal time or place to start anything like this. He was in the middle of a war and at any time he would have to be sent off to the front lines. He could also be killed at any time. It wasn't a good idea to be forming any kind of attachment with anyone if that was what this was about.

"Only if you want to," he told her surprised at himself for saying it. He wanted to slap his hand over his mouth to keep himself from saying anything else. He couldn't believe what he was saying; he couldn't believe how much he had changed in just over three months. But if he was to die then he figured he might as well have enjoyed what pleasures he could while he had the opportunity. Sure, he wasn't planning on dying but nobody could choose the time they wanted to die.

Erika stood up and slipped out of her clothes. She got into the bath with Edward and sat on his lap, facing him, wrapping her legs around his torso. She watched him intently for a moment then smiled. She could see his nervousness despite the night they spent together almost two weeks ago. She found it really cute and irresistible. She put her hand on his chest, right over his heart.

"Your heart is racing," she said after a moment.

"I'm not exactly used to all this," Edward said smiling nervously.

"I guess I'll just have to change that," Erika said leaning in to kiss him gently. He returned the kiss hesitantly, and then they parted.

"Do you know how handsome you are?" She asked admiring him as she caressed the side of his face.

"No," he said. "How handsome am I?" He added as he tried a little flirting of his own.

Erika's smile grew wider with his attempt to be playful. She leaned close and kissed his neck. Edward closed his eyes, liking the way her lips felt against his skin. He didn't want her to stop.

"You're so handsome that I think I want you more than you want me," she then whispered in his ear.

"What makes you think that?"

"I can just tell," she said as she sat up.

"Then I guess I'll just have to change that," Edward said repeating her words. He gave her a sly grin and pulled her closer for another kiss.


	25. Chapter 25

"Do you know what your doing?" Edward asked as he sat in a chair while Erika trimmed his hair. He thought she was taking longer than necessary. He was starting to get fidgety and was tired of sitting still for so long. It was actually relaxing as Erika would run her fingers through what was left of his hair but he wasn't used to this kind of attention. It reminded him of his visits to Gracia's when Al was recovering in Central. Little Elysia had been so enamored with his hair she insisted on brushing it whenever he visited. Even then he limited the hair brushing to a minimum. He felt like a doll and his teenage pride said it wasn't a really masculine thing for him to sit through. He laughed to himself when he thought how upset she would be to see that he had cut it all off and had no intention of growing it out again. Especially now that Erika had taken matters into her own hands and decided to straighten out his hair.

"Of course," Erika answered back, trying to sound offensive. "I used to cut my father's hair. It's been a while though. I couldn't do any worse than your last barber."

"I _was_ the last barber."

Erika laughed. "Why did you cut it?"

Edward shrugged not wanting to explain his real reasons. At the time it had been a compulsive thing to do and he did it without really thinking about it. Later he realized it was his way of finalizing his decision to go to war and not look back, like when he and his brother burned their house down when he first became a State Alchemist. It had come to mean he had closed one chapter of his life and started another; that he had fully committed himself to the military, which also meant the war. He hadn't realized what that entailed until it was too late, but he had grown to accept it; to accept everything that went along with the war.

"It was too long. Against military dress code," he said trying to make it sound like it was no big deal.

"How long was it?" Erika asked curiously.

"About as long as your hair."

"Really? You are so spoiled."

"Why do you say that?"

"You don't know how lucky you are. Any girl would kill to have blond hair like yours."

"It's just hair," Edward sighed. "Besides, I don't think long or short hair will prevent me from being killed."

An awkward silence settled in between them. Edward thought that was probably not a very appropriate thing to say. Talking about your own death wasn't necessarily a great conversation piece. He had started to feel more comfortable around Erika and found it easy to talk to her. He cursed himself for spoiling the light mood.

"Can I ask you something?" Erika asked after a few minutes breaking the uncomfortable quiet.

"What?" Edward asked eagerly, hoping for something else to talk about.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

That wasn't exactly what Edward had in mind to talk about. But it was slightly better than talking about getting killed.

"Just you," he said but knew it wasn't entirely correct. "I mean, I've been kissed before but I didn't kiss back."

"You've never had a girlfriend then?"

"No."

"Not even while you were in school?"

"I dropped out of school when I was eleven."

"Eleven! What have you been doing since then?"

"I've been in the military since I was twelve. I didn't have much time for anything else."

Erika mentally slapped herself over the head.

"I don't know why I didn't figure it out before. The automail and the State Alchemist watch. To think I've been enjoying the company of the famous Fullmetal Alchemist."

Edward just shrugged and Erika smiled when she realized something. It wasn't the fact that she was with someone famous. She knew most girls would be only too happy to brag about such a thing. But it was the fact that she would be the one to teach him how a woman would want to be treated. He was new to these experiences and she had the chance to show him what to do before he became a horrible man who treated women like pieces of meat. It didn't seem like he had it in him to be that way but with men you couldn't tell. They always seemed sweet and innocent but most of the time it had turned out to be an act, Erika had discovered over the years. It had not been a fun lesson to learn she thought bitterly.

"You're so different. I haven't been with someone like you for a long time. Someone who is innocent to such things."

"You've been with others?"

"I had to get by somehow," she said in a matter of fact tone.

"Did they hurt you?"

"Some of them did."

They sat in silence for a moment, the sound of the scissors the only sound and Edward silently fuming. He didn't like that anyone had hurt Erika. He didn't like the fact that it could happen again. But he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He could not change the past for her and he would not be able to protect her if he was away. The one comforting thought he had was knowing that the least he could do was fight to keep the Drachmans from further advancement. Protecting what was left of Amestris was also protecting Erika in some way.

Erika let out a soft laugh.

"I intend to make sure you don't turn out like those men that have hurt me."

"That's fine with me."

Edward had never approved of Mustang's escapades with different women. But he had to admit to himself he was getting older and that it was only natural that at some point women would begin to come to his attention. He hadn't really planned on things happening the way they did though. No one ever did when they were just a kid and such matters were non-existent, especially since he had more pressing matters to attend to. If he were to start forming any kind of relationships, he might as well learn something to keep from being a jerk. As much as he was starting to like Erika there was still the guilt that this was not something he should be doing. He enjoyed her company but he really had no intention of developing any kind of relationship. It made it harder still when he knew he was going to be gone in a couple of days when his leave was up. He hadn't said anything about it and didn't know how to bring it up.

They ventured out into the city to see what was left of the town that evening. While Edward was away Erika had done some exploring and wanted to show him some of the things she had found. As they were leaving the inn, Edward hesitated a bit at the foot of the stairs, looking across the lobby towards the room Mustang had been using. To his relief he could see through the open door that the communications console was being broken down and Mustang's aides were carrying boxes out of the room. Mustang was nowhere in sight and it looked like he was preparing to leave.

A theatre group had come into town to perform for the soldiers. Edward treated Erika to one of the performances but as he sat there watching he found he couldn't take it much longer. Erika seemed to enjoy it but he could not make himself sit still long enough. It was one thing if he was reading. At least he was involved somehow and using his mind. But with the performance they were watching he couldn't get into the story and was finding it hard not to wonder how they set off their special affects, instead of paying attention to the drama unfold. Since he couldn't get into the performance he tried to occupy himself by watching the rest of the audience.

They were mostly soldiers like him and like him some were with women. The women in attendance obviously were not girlfriends or wives. Some were attractive and some not so much. They were quite boisterous and made a great deal of noise. They enjoyed adding their own extra commentary throughout the show, much to the delight of their gentleman companions who would whisper in the ladies ears and pass bottles of booze to them. Looking back at Erika he could see that she was much prettier than the other women in the room, with her hazel eyes, light brown hair and smooth thin lips. She was younger than the other women but in her eyes there was a hardness that matched the other ladies in the room; like they had seen and done too much, that there had been a lot of pain in their lives but they would not let that keep them from enjoying themselves when the opportunity presented itself.

Erika had also attracted a lot of attention from some of the officers in the room and while Edward didn't notice, he too attracted some attention. Most were narrowed looks from the officers upon seeing such a cute girl on his arm. Others looked at him suspiciously, not believing a young kid like him could possibly hold a rank higher than them. Some of the women had caught sight of the young, good looking officer and followed him with their eyes as he took his seat before the performance began. Their male companions were none too happy they were not the center of attention for those quick moments.

Bored of watching the audience, he began to shift in around in his seat, wanting to smoke but thought it rude to be blowing smoke into Erika's face, despite the fact that most of the soldiers watching the performance were already doing so. Erika would giggle every time he fidgeted around and ended up making jokes during the rest of the performance to make him laugh.

Afterwards they found a small cafe that was still open around the corner from the theatre. Edward had gone two weeks without smoking and he realized how pathetic he was to want one so badly. Unable to resist the urge any longer, he made sure it was alright with Erika, and finally lit one, feeling at more at ease.

Most of the dinner items were crossed out on the cafe menu. The waiter explained that their specialties required ingredients that came from the north. Now with most of that region in Drachman hands, it was impossible to get certain things. Edward and Erika made due with what was available. As they waited Edward entertained Erika by transmuting their silverware into different shapes. He liked that he was able to make her smile and laugh. It had been so long since he had been able to do that for anyone other than his own troop. Once their dinner arrived, Edward was grateful that it was a lot better than cold field rations, considering the limited choices, and Erika gobbled everything up like it would be her last dinner.

It was late and they were walking back to the inn slowly. Erika was wrapped in Edward's heavy overcoat, her own thin coat not helping against the winter cold. Edward wanted to find a coat for Erika but she refused, saying he had done enough for her already. Edward being Edward didn't feel like he had.

As they walked along, Erika clutching Edward's hand, he couldn't help but notice that she was constantly watching him. It was unnerving. He felt like she was expecting something from him but he couldn't figure out what. Finally he had to say something.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" He asked trying hard not to sound rude.

Erika giggled. "I'm sorry. I can't help it. But have you really taken a good look at yourself? You really clean up well."

Edward pouted not liking the idea of being looked at that way. He had never given much thought to his looks. It was strange to have someone admire him for that instead of his abilities.

"Who cares what I look like?" Edward grumbled. Erika laughed again at his obvious discomfort from such a compliment.

"Come here," she said dragging him towards a shop window. The street lights offered enough lighting so he could see his reflection. It was like he was looking at a completely different person. The last time he had a good look at himself in a mirror he looked like hell, all bruised and swollen. He had to admit that he actually looked like an officer now in a clean uniform and a well-cut head of hair.

"See what I mean," Erika said looking up at him. "Just remember to always keep your shoulders back and stand straight," she added as she pushed against his shoulders and the small of his back, getting him to stand taller than usual.

"That's much better," she said admiring his reflection. "Nobody will ever question your authority now."

"They'd better not if they know what's good for them," Edward said turning away from his reflection.

"Those you outrank have to but when you present yourself like you believe in what you're saying; they're more likely to follow your orders willingly. You'll probably find that you might even intimidate those that outrank you."

"That sounds like something Havoc would say."

"Is he the one who came to your room that night?"

"Yeah," Edward said not wanting to remember that night. It ended well but he hated to think about how it had started. He pushed those thoughts out of his head. Not in the mood for anymore military advice he ignored what Erika said, but as they walked into the inn, Edward did so with his shoulders back.

As the stepped inside Edward was slightly afraid to go back to his room; he had an idea what was to happen once they were alone together. He really wasn't ready for that. He felt like he was taking advantage of her if he led her straight back to his room. It had been Erika who had instigated their encounters together but he had followed along too. He didn't want her to think that was all he expected of her. It wasn't because he didn't expect anything from her at all. He didn't want to leave her with the impression that was all he was after. Instead of heading up the stairs he steered towards the barroom and asked Erika to wait in the lobby, not wanting her to be the subject of more soldiers' leering stares. He found Brody at the bar having a drink with one of the men from Breda's group. Brody didn't seem to mind the interruption and followed Edward back to his room, smiling and chatting pleasantly with Erika.

Brody got to work right away on a new tattoo for Edward. It was an entertaining way to pass the time and Edward liked how he was able to remain tight lipped over the meaning of his latest tattoo. He liked how Brody and Erika first started with pleads to know what it meant, which then turned to begging and soon followed with outrageous bribes. When none of that worked they resorted to making up their own definitions that had Erika lying across the bed holding her stomach from laughing so much. When Brody was done he left, leaving Edward and Erika alone.

Edward thought he had gotten used to Erika's company. But he was still left feeling nervous in her presence. It didn't help matters as she sat next to him on the bed, observing the finished tattoo on the inside of his forearm.

"I know soldiers don't stay in one place for long," Erika said as she reached for the bandage left for Edward's tattoo. She began to wrap it loosely around his forearm. "I was wondering when you'll be leaving."

"In two days," he said. In a way he was glad Erika brought it up but he felt bad; for not having the nerve to say something first.

"Then I'll have to make sure you enjoy these last two days." She did not sound concerned that she would be left alone to fend for herself as she leaned in to kiss Edward.


	26. Chapter 26

Edward found it all confusing how they always ended up in bed together over the past two days, despite their one adventure around the city. It was disconcerting how everything was such a blur as one thing led to another and before he knew it they were resting together, catching their breaths. But he found the escape from the war around them pleasant and he dreaded going back. He tried not to think about the fact he would be leaving later that afternoon.

He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling as the room lightened with the rising, early morning sun. Erika was propped up on her elbow, looking down at him, running her fingers gently through his hair. It felt good, the light pressure against his skull. He was finding himself lulled back to sleep by the gentle strokes of her fingers.

"How old are you?" She asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Seventeen," he said as he moved his eyes to look at her. "How old are you?"

"I might scare you if I told you," she laughed. It was a teasing laugh that Edward liked, but it also made him blush.

"You can't be that much older than me," he said.

"I'm twenty-two," she said watching for his reaction. Edward paled and she laughed again. He figured maybe one or two years older, not five.

"Why would you even bother with someone like me?"

"I've already showed you, yet you still don't get it," she said shaking her head in mock sadness.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think I should warn you."

"Warn me about what?"

"What you're going to face."

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Edward said sitting up frustrated. She was always teasing and flirting with him. At times he didn't understand all of it and he found it irritating, but deep inside, he was starting to like the attention.

"I know and it's making this a lot of fun," Erika said with a sly smile as she lifted her eyebrows in amusement over his frustration.

Edward fell back down exasperated.

"You really don't realize how good looking you are? Did you think I was joking?"

"Kind of," Edward said shrugging his shoulders. "Or just flirting."

"It was flirting but it's also the truth. I know a thing or two about soldiers...and the women that you'll eventually come across. You should be prepared for the attention you'll get."

"Attention? What attention?" Edward asked worriedly.

"It's so cute how you don't know these things."

"I'm not cute," Edward said pouting.

"Anyways," Erika continued. "I'll get to the point for you, no matter how much fun it is to tease you. There will be a lot of women attracted to you. First, you're an officer, so that means you get paid more then enlisted men. Second, you are very young. Some may think you are inexperienced and they will try to take advantage of you. Third, you _are_ very good looking. They've never seen anyone with such blond hair and golden eyes like yours. I've never seen anything like it before either, so they'll be after you because of that. Four, after all the clumsy and rotten soldiers they've had to encounter, you'll be like a breath of fresh air. They'll see when they look at you that you're not going to hurt them. And five..."

Edward looked at her nervously wondering how there could be more. He didn't think he could blush any redder. Erika smiled down at him creating anticipation for the next one.

"And five," she continued. "You have a really great body. I've never seen someone in as great a shape as you are." She ran her hand across his muscular torso and snuggled against him. Edward turned over and pulled a pillow over his head.

"Please tell me that's it," he said moaning.

"Actually it's not," Erika said laughing at him. She took the pillow away so he could hear the rest clearly. "You're a State Alchemist so you'll impress them with how smart you are. They will be even more impressed because you are so young. Then it's the automail. Some might be nervous by it at first but there's a mystique about it. They'll think, _what happened to this poor young man that he lost an arm and leg?_ They'll be too scared to ask but their curiosity about you will not allow the automail to drive them away."

Edward hoped she was wrong. He didn't think he could handle that kind of attention.

"Also, look out for the other officers. They'll be jealous of the attention you'll get from the ladies. They're not going to like you when you are the focus of attention."

"Great," Edward said. "I needed more problems with the other officers. Anyways, what makes you think there will be others?" He added, turning back around, insulted that she would think that of him.

Erika did not look perturbed by his outburst. She just smiled before answering. "Edward, I hate to break it to you, but you're so easy."

Edward sat up in bed. "Easy! What's that supposed to mean?"

Erika fell onto the pillow laughing. She almost couldn't believe how naive he was. But she found it charming and it made her like him even more. It also made her feel a little guilty that she was likely contributing to the corruption of his naiveté.

There was a knock at the door. Edward jumped out of bed quickly, found his pants and pulled them on quickly. He was still irked by Erika laughing at his expense and still not able to understand what she had meant. Opening the door a crack he found a Lieutenant standing in the hall who saluted Edward. He blushed as he returned the salute, wishing he had put his shirt on.

"Your orders from Colonel Chamberlain, sir," the Lieutenant said handing Edward a manila envelope.

"Thank you," Edward said as he took the envelope. The Lieutenant turned to leave and Edward closed the door. Opening the envelope and pulling out a stack of paper, Edward sat at the table and began to read through it all. Any feelings of irritation and indignation were out the window once he started to read, it was time for him to refocus on his responsibilities.

Erika watched him for few minutes. She saw that he was completely focused on the paperwork and would probably remain that way for a while, so she got up and quietly went into the bathroom to shower. She sighed thinking she was going to miss Edward, but as a soldier it was time for him to get back to work, play time was over.

Within the stack of paperwork Edward read through, there were the usual requisitions for supplies he would have to sign. There was a letter officially putting him back under the command of Colonel Chamberlain, one with his orders for his troop deployment, a copy of the letter of commendation that would go into his military file for successfully completing the mission. There were also letters for Havoc, Brody and Sharpe. He felt a stab of pain seeing Sharpe's letter. He tried not to dwell on it. It was hard enough when he wrote the letter to Sharpe's family the day before. Then there was one that really caught his attention. It was the addition of thirty more men to his troop along with two more Sergeants. He had thought it would take a while for him to get a full force that any other Lieutenant Colonel would have.

Getting up he pulled his shirt and jacket on. With all the paperwork in hand he went next door to talk to Havoc.

For the last two days he had left the Lieutenant alone to rest. He stopped by once to give Havoc the pack of cigarettes he promised to get for him. The Havoc who opened the door this time looked slightly better. Rest had done him some good and he was in a better mood than he was on the night they returned from the mission.

"Hey, Ed," Havoc said.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"Then you wouldn't mind reading this," Edward said handing Havoc the paper with the list of soldiers that were to be added to his troop.

Havoc took the paper and started to read, stepping aside to allow Edward to enter. Havoc shut the door, still looking thoughtfully at the sheet of paper in his hand.

"Congratulations," he said finally. "You are now responsible for more men."

"I don't think I'm ready to command any more."

"You went behind enemy lines to destroy a bridge. I think you're more than ready."

"You think so?"

"Of course. They have to put these men somewhere. There have been a lot of losses lately. Whole commands wiped out. These are probably the survivors"

Edward sighed and sat at the table in Havoc's room, slapping the envelope of paperwork in front of him. He rubbed his face tiredly and ran his hands through his short hair.

"I should be used to things changing around me so quickly," Edward said to himself softly. "But lately there have been a lot of changes and it feels like I haven't had time to wrap my head around them."

Then changing the subject he turned back to face Havoc. "Will you be alright? We'll be back at the front tomorrow. Should I approve a request for an extended leave for you?"

"Hell no," Havoc said sitting across from Edward at the table. "If I don't go, I'll never hear the end of it from the Fuhrer."

Havoc mentioning the Fuhrer brought back to mind something Edward had been wondering about. He had been thinking about Havoc's grumbling about the Fuhrer, knowing it was not like him to complain. He had also been wondering how Havoc stalled Mustang the day they learned of the mission. Edward was working out in his head that somehow the two events were related.

"Did he talk to you about me?"

Havoc just gave Edward a knowing look as he lit a cigarette.

"What did you say?"

"I told him you were fine."

"And..." Edward said knowing there was more. "What else?"

"He also heard about the fight."

Edward let his head fall forward and hit the table.

"Ah fuck," Edward sighed, banging his forehead against the table again. "And somehow you probably got the blame and the grouchiness when we returned was because of that."

"Yeah, but you have to remember. I had a bruised brain. I wasn't thinking right that night. There was more to the conversation I had with Mustang but if you don't mind I'd rather not talk about it."

Edward shrugged. "Well, I don't blame you for being upset. You shouldn't be held responsible for my mistakes. I'm sorry you had to…"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Havoc interrupted, no longer worried about it.

"But how did he find out?" Edward asked lifting his head up.

"Colonel Robienne."

Edward looked at Havoc in disbelief. "Why would he say anything?"

"To make you look bad, of course."

"But I did everything he ordered me to do!" Edward protested.

"That's just it. You followed orders but you did it too well. He's intimidated by you, that you'll be the one to take his place one day."

"What a fucking bastard," Edward grumbled. "How did you find out?"

"Hawkeye. There's more. Mustang then went to Brigadier General Locke, who said he would handle it his way. He doesn't like officers fighting. He'd prefer you use that energy on the battlefield. Mustang was about to countermand Locke's order placing you at the end of the Great Hope line, because of the heavy fighting. General Armstrong stopped him, saying it wouldn't look good for you to have the Fuhrer guiding your every step. You're already known as the Fuhrer's pet and she said not to make the reputation worse."

"All that because I got the shit kicked out of me in a fight? How much longer are they going to hold that against me?"

"Probably not much. Infiltrating behind enemy lines is more dangerous than sitting in a trench. There was no guarantee that you would have returned or succeed. To put you in that kind of danger showed that Mustang wasn't pampering you but that he has faith in your abilities. You succeeded, so it proves you're more than capable and the Fuhrer gets to prove he was right about you."

Edward wanted to point out that he wasn't the only one on the mission; that Havoc, Brody and Sharpe had received commendation for their part; copies of their own letters were in the envelope. But he knew he couldn't get away from the fact that he led the mission. Success or failure would be put upon him. As the commanding officer he would always be regarded as the one fully responsible.

"This is bull shit," Edward said irritably. "How the fuck did I get in the middle of all this? I only accepted this fucking promotion to help, not for other officers to give me shit and to make Mustang look good. He's earned enough points off of me."

"It's the way of the military," Havoc said simply. "Finish signing those requisitions and I'll take them to get processed."

Edward sighed as he sorted through the paperwork. He was not in the mood to deal with, or even think about military politics. There was nothing he could really do about it other than follow orders and try not to loose too many men. He was only a Lieutenant Colonel and in the vast scheme of things he was just a nobody within the military. It didn't matter if he was the Fullmetal Alchemist, who had been left to roam around the country, hell bent on his own mission. Those days were over. Putting on the blue uniform had seen to that. He was no longer completely under Mustang's command, but at the mercy of other higher ranking officers. He would just have to keep his nose clean from now on and prove to everyone he wasn't just the Fuhrer's pet; but that he was more than capable and willing to handle whatever was thrown at him.

An hour later it was time to say goodbye to Erika. She had walked out of the inn with Edward, her arm through his and they stopped on the sidewalk. Havoc had meandered ahead and was walking slowly, waiting for Edward. He wanted to pay for the room for another night for Erika but she refused. He didn't know what she was going to do and she wouldn't say.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Edward asked for the tenth time, looking at her worriedly.

"Yes," Erika said smiling, trying to reassure him with her own confidence.

"Well," Edward fumbled not sure how he should say goodbye but once again, Erika took matters into her own hands and kissed him.

"You should get going," Erika said as they pulled apart. "The Lieutenant is waiting."

"Yeah," Edward said then attempted to leave but stopped, turning back to face her.

"Will you write to let me know you're okay? If I ever get the chance, I'd like to see you again."

"Don't expect a letter from me, Edward." Erika said seriously. She wasn't trying to be mean but practical. She didn't want him losing his focus worrying about her. She had suffered through the Drachmans and made it over the front lines; she could take care of herself. Soon she would be on her way to Central. Edward didn't need to know how she had made such arrangements or where she was going. They were going their separate ways and she knew from experience it was better to leave without making any promises to keep both of them from feeling any bitter disappointment.

"We had a good time together. Let's not spoil it by making promises we may not be able to keep," she said gently as she caressed the side of his face. She looked into his eyes fondly knowing she was going to miss him and would have to force herself not to think about him. "If we happen upon each other again then that's fine. But there are more important things for you to worry about."

"Okay," Edward said reluctantly. Then he bent down to kiss Erika. It was a long, slow kiss and suddenly Erika felt very weak. He had not kissed her like that before.

"Bye," Edward said as he finally turned to leave.

"Bye," Erika said feeling a tightness in her throat. She watched him as he jogged down the sidewalk to catch up with Havoc and finally had to turn away, not wanting to see if he turned back around or not. She started walking in the opposite direction wondering why she had the sudden urge to cry.


	27. Chapter 27

Edward wasn't sure exactly how he was supposed to feel after leaving Erika. He didn't know if he should be upset that she wouldn't write, especially after the time they spent together. He figured she was probably right, why start something if there was no guarantee it would go anywhere. He had no idea what would happen to him in the coming months or where Erika would be. He didn't know why he kissed her the way he did. He had only meant to let her know that he cared what happened to her but he noticed a change in her reaction. He had kissed her first a couple of times but it was always done in a playful way. The last one felt different and perhaps her reaction was surprise that it was different from the other times, because he couldn't think what else it could be. He soon dismissed it from his thoughts thinking he was imagining things. He couldn't be bothered by such thoughts when he had work to do.

He had forgotten that the last time his troop had seen him; he was a bit shabby looking. It didn't even cross his mind that anyone would notice his polished appearance. He wished he had anticipated it so he was more prepared for their surprise and amusement. It took him a few seconds for him to understand what Sergeant Healy meant as he and Havoc approached the encampment.

"You didn't have to get so pretty just for us, sir," Healy commented.

"It wasn't for you," Edward scoffed when he realized what Healy was talking about. "This is for the Drachmans since I'll probably be buried in this, so I might as well look good when I'm thrown into some ditch."

"That's the spirit," Havoc said. "Always look on the bright side."

"But the looks not complete," Sergeant Brody said, who had arrived at the camp early to prepare the troop for Edward's arrival. "You need to look more like an aristocratic fop who bought his way to the top."

Edward, deciding to play along, rearranged his face to look more like an arrogant fool.

"Shoulders back and don't forget to look down on us," Healy instructed.

The three Sergeants and Havoc then stood in line, all trying hard to hold back smiles and laughter as they tried to impart the seriousness of the inspection. Edward walked down, passing each one with an air of disgust.

"Ugh, do you not know what a shower is?" He said in a pompous way, wrinkling his nose as he passed by Jacks. "Why don't you just go off and shoot some guns but don't be too loud," he added spinning around to face them after he reached the end of the line. "I have sensitive ears." Edward said lazily.

"But seriously, Healy, Jacks," Edward continued getting to business. "You haven't been letting my troop sit around getting fat and lazy, have you?"

"No, sir," Healy and Jacks said together.

"They're all ready to go and anxious to be doing something," Healy added.

"Good. We'll be having some new additions. Inform me when they get here if I don't spot them first," Edward said including all three Sergeants.

"Yes, sir," the three Sergeants said together.

"Alright, get everyone ready. We're leaving in an hour. Jacks! You'll be in charge of the communications equipment now."

They saluted then left to organize everyone to break camp and receive fresh supplies. The two new Sergeants, Pickett and Hood, arrived an hour later along with the men added to Edward's troop. Pickett and Hood were enlisted men promoted by their late commanding officers. Promotions were easy to come by on the northern front.

That night they were back on the front line. They were in the very same trenches that Edward had created but they were in poor shape. Sporadic bombardments had shaken them loose. The troop that had recently vacated the premises did not have an alchemist in their midst to make the quick and necessary repairs. The soldiers had done what they could with spare timber and sand bags. Edward fortified what was to be their home for a while. A difficult task once it started to rain.

During the next two weeks nothing happened. Edward thought that they would start preparing to attack, but all they did was settle in and hold their position. He wondered why there were no orders for an advance against the Drachman lines. The two bridges were destroyed, cutting off fresh supplies and troops for the Drachmans. Now was the time to exhaust them of their available resources before their supply lines were reestablished. But orders were orders. Edward didn't like the inactivity that was brought on by the absence of the usual bombardments and skirmishes. He could see the affect the inactivity had on his troop. Their normal rituals seemed slow and sluggish even after a week. He worried it would carry over to any heavy fighting that could erupt at any moment. He too was feeling it but there wasn't much that could be done in the tight enclosure of the trenches.

It was a week after his return to the front that Edward received a small care package from his brother. He was thrilled that his brother hadn't disowned him and was still thinking of him. There was a lengthy letter along with copies of some research Al was keeping himself occupied with. There were also a couple of alchemy books. Within a week Edward read everything.

Al wrote that he had returned to Resembool and was assisting Pinako, since Winry had gone back to Rush Valley. He was learning how to care for patients post automail surgery. There was a great need for automail with the war raging. Al was also in high demand once word spread that a great alchemist had returned to the area. There were a few mines that operated around Resembool. Al's expertise was requested to extract small particles of ore and other trace metals that otherwise would have gone to waste in the mining process. Al would form the metallic dust into more solid, manageable pieces of metal. Amestris had always been self contained but supporting three different battle fronts was putting a strain on the country's natural resources. Nothing could be wasted.

Al also kept himself busy by integrating the country of Xing's alchemy with Amestrian techniques. It was his successful attempts that were included in the research notes to Edward, who was only too happy to try them out.

The letter from Al was just a basic summary of what he had been up to since the last time he had seen Edward. There was no mention of broken promises or any indication that Al harbored any feelings of resentment. Edward knew that Al had not completely forgiven him for going back on the promise and leaving to fight in the war, but he read between the lines that Al still cared for him. It made him miss his younger brother. Despite always being around Havoc and the troop, he still couldn't help but feel lonely. He wanted more than anything to see Al again so they could just talk like they were kids again.

When he wasn't missing his brother, he started thinking about Erika and wondering if she was alright. Sitting in the trenches gave him too much time to think and he didn't like what he was thinking about. He had to force himself not to dwell on anything negative and soon found himself daydreaming about the three days he spent with Erika instead. There were no thoughts of guilt or regret, he would not allow it. He had a longing just to be out of the dirty trenches and away from the realities of war. He had felt so carefree and relaxed; he couldn't remember the last time he had felt like that. He missed her teasing and her lighthearted laugh. It was nice, after taking away all the unusualness of the situation, to just be a normal young man spending time with a young lady he liked. Now he was stuck with just memories and as the days went by they were fading. What was left in their place was the shuddering disgust from tiny rat paws as they crawled around him as he tried to sleep at night.

After two weeks in the trenches Edward received orders that they would be heading back to North City. Edward was getting a little tired of all the back and forth traveling between North City and Juniper but at least it was something different. He started to think there must be something wrong with him if he was anxious to leave the quiet of the Juniper front for some action that was sure to be happening around North City.

Edward was walking through the hallways of Northern Headquarters with Havoc when he noticed he was limping, badly. Winry had made adjustments to his automail before they stopped speaking to each other and he had not had any since. He had noticed it before but it was more pronounced, due to the even surface of the hallways and his urgency to get the meeting with Brigadier General Locke over with. He was glad the meeting didn't take too long. He had received questioning looks when he entered limping. It was embarrassing and annoying. Plus, the sudden force of his left leg hitting the ground hard, when he had to step down further than his other leg, was starting to make his joints ache.

Edward was not the only one in the military with automail and knew there had to be mechanics around. Together, he and Havoc sought out the infirmary. As they entered the sterile confines of the long room they both spotted a familiar face.

At one time the face was kindly but had been tortured by years of service within the military, conducting unspeakable experiments when the homunculi were pulling the strings. Now the face bore the scars of disfigurement as his appearance was disguised so he would be able to hide from the same creatures that had tortured his conscious and threatened all he cared for. It didn't matter to Edward or Havoc what Dr. Tim Marcoh looked like. They knew he was an excellent doctor, a brave man who assisted with the defeat of the homunculi and using the power of the Philosopher's Stone had helped Havoc recover the use of his legs. They were more than overjoyed to see the doctor.

"Dr. Marcoh!" Edward called from across the infirmary as he and Havoc approached, passing a long line of hospital beds. The beds were mostly occupied by patients with minor injuries and illnesses that prevented them from performing their normal duties. The critically wounded soldiers were transferred to the military hospital across the street from headquarters.

Dr. Marcoh looked up from the clipboard he was making notes upon. He smiled when he saw Edward and Havoc. Setting aside the clipboard he came forward and vigorously shook each of their hands, military formalities ignored by all three.

"It's good to see you two looking well," he greeted them with a broad smile. Then after a closer inspection of the two younger men he squinted with disapproval.

"Though you both look too thin and tired. Especially you, Lieutenant Havoc," Marcoh said in his official, concerned doctor's voice.

"Too many close calls," Havoc said trying to brush off the doctor's concer. "But I'm fine."

"Humph," Marcoh said not completely happy.

"How have you been, Dr. Marcoh?" Edward asked not wanting to go through any medical examinations. He wanted to catch up. I'd been a while since he had seen Dr. Marcoh.

"Busy of course," the doctor said with a sigh. "I've been training field medics. All the experienced ones were transferred to the west and south before the war broke out here in the north, leaving you boys in dire need of good medical attention. I'm hoping we can turn things around so we can save more young men. That's why it's such a relief to see both of you. I hope you're not putting yourselves into unnecessary danger. I know it's impossible under the circumstances but I also know how the two of you are. Especially you, Edward Elric. You can be quite reckless and headstrong."

"Nothing has changed," Havoc said with a grin.

Edward glared at Havoc, wanting to protest but Marcoh changed the subject.

"Things have changed. You're much taller than the last time I saw you," Marcoh noted observing Edward.

"Just a bit," Edward said. "That's why I'm here. I'm looking for a mechanic that can adjust my automail."

"Well, follow me," Marcoh said. "I'll take you there. It's best not to ignore such things. You could end up causing damage to what's left of your leg."

Marcoh led the way to the automail shop down the hall and around the corner from the infirmary. Edward was slightly afraid adjustments would not be possible since his leg was custom but the mechanic was one of the best in the country and had no problems, much to Edward's relief.

"I'm glad you're here," Havoc said to Marcoh as they strolled back towards the infirmary. "Our men have a better chance of survival."

"I appreciate your confidence in my skills," Marcoh said. "I do the best I can."

"But what about the Philosopher's Stone?" Havoc asked. "Wouldn't that help?"

"It would if I still had it."

"But you were the last one to have it." Edward said surprised. "Where is it?"

"Your brother has it."

"He didn't tell me that," Edward said quietly.

"But wouldn't it be useful to have the Philosopher's stone," Havoc interrupted. "You used it to help me, it could be used..."

"No!" Edward and Marcoh said together.

"I was able to use the stone for good by giving you use of your legs, Jean. But there's a dark side to the stone. This country does not need to be tainted by that cursed thing."

"He's right," Edward said through gritted teeth. "This war was partly caused by that thing."

Havoc looked at the two of them and understood there stance against the use of the stone. Marcoh was right; it could be used for good. It was the stone that enabled the doctor to help heal his severed nerves, that it could help other soldiers as well but there was evil in the way such a miraculous object was created. He felt like a fool when the painful memories of the day he was nearly killed seized him. He had been told the Philosopher's Stone was the nucleus, the source of life for the homunculi. It was a homunculus that had almost killed him. He should have known better than to suggest the further use of the stone in the war. Not only did he think of his own harrowing experience with it but visions of destruction from the Ishbal rebellion came to mind. The stone in the hands of State Alchemists had done a lot of damage.

"Well gentlemen, I have to get back to work. I'm due at the hospital." Marcoh said regrettably. He didn't like how the reunion had turned sour but it was to be expected when the topic of conversation was the Philosopher's Stone.

"Take care of yourself doctor," Havoc said shaking Marcoh's hand.

"Oh, I'll be fine. Like I said, it's you two that need to be careful."

Marcoh turned to Edward.

"I saw Alphonse in Central after you left to come here. He was very upset. Don't do anything that will cost him the only family he has," Marcoh said sternly.

"Yeah," Edward said not really paying attention to what Marcoh had said.

Marcoh sighed knowing Edward wasn't listening, that there was something else on the young man's mind. He patted Edward on the shoulder and headed down the hallway. Once he disappeared around a corner Havoc turned to Edward, acknowledging the young man's change in mood.

"You alright?" He asked worriedly. He could tell Edward was brooding over something.

"Yeah," Edward said turning away.

"Ed," Havoc said in a warning tone.

"I'm fine so drop it," Edward said harshly.


	28. Chapter 28

Edward knew it was ridiculous to be upset. He hadn't exactly been the greatest brother to Al over the last year. But knowing that Al had the Philosopher's Stone and not telling him was a blow to Edward, especially after receiving the letter with no mention of the damn stone in it. He cursed himself for having forgotten about the thing too; for being careless and not seeing to its disposal, if it was possible to destroy the stone. He didn't know what was driving the madness that was budding within his chest. Al had never hid anything from him before. That was what he finally settled upon for the reason of his anger towards his younger brother. He began to question Al and wonder if there was anything else he was holding back. Al had done it once before, when he was trapped in the armor; he thought Edward had possibly fabricated his memories. Eventually Al had confessed the doubts he had been feeling. So was it in return for Edward going back on his promise or not telling Al the complete truth why he left for the war?

Unanswered questions ran rampant in Edward's head. He wanted them to stop. He knew he had no call to be upset, that he had brought it upon himself. But to think that his younger, innocent brother was capable of hiding things from him out of spite; it was a revelation Edward didn't want to think about. Did he drive his brother to stoop to that level? Then he grew angry with himself for even thinking that Al would do such a thing. Al was kinder than Edward knew he could ever be. Al was not capable of doing anything out of spite or for revenge.

He needed something to distract him from traitorous thoughts towards his younger brother. He found a tavern that was already packed with soldiers in the late afternoon and went in; almost forgetting that Havoc was at his heels. He walked over to the bar and ordered a bottle. Grabbing a glass he turned around to find a poker game to join and bumped into Havoc.

"Fuck, Jean!" Edward exclaimed, irritated. "Give me some fucking space."

"Where's my glass?"

"Get your own bottle."

"You're not going to share. Now, that's just rude."

Edward stepped around Havoc but was stopped by a firm grip around his arm.

"Ed, what's wrong?" Havoc asked no longer joking. "I really don't feel like dealing with your shit."

"Then don't."

"I really don't have a choice in the matter."

"I'm ordering you to leave me the fuck alone."

"Unfortunately the Fuhrer outranks you and he has the final say."

"Fuck Mustang," Edward said pulling his arm away.

Edward sat in on a game without asking. Slapping some money on the table he was instantly welcomed.

Havoc sat down to play also, thinking if he ever married and had kids he hoped to hell he didn't have any sons. Edward was wearing his patience down that he would have nothing left for his own moody teenage kids.

He decided that if he couldn't beat Edward, he'd join him. He was getting a little tired of always running after the headstrong teenager, making sure he stayed out of trouble when he started brooding. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a pretty, rather voluptuous, bar maid pass. He stopped her and ordered a bottle for himself. When she returned he pulled her onto his lap.

"I need a little luck," he told her removing his cigarette from his mouth to avoid blowing smoke in her face.

"That's what I'm here for, soldier," she said flirtatiously.

"That's what I like to hear," Havoc said, winking at her.

Edward was a little surprised to see Havoc like this. He'd never seen his Lieutenant flirt with anyone before. He knew Havoc had horrible luck with women and could guess that he had no problem getting them; it was just keeping them around that was the problem.

"See that kid there," Havoc continued, indicating Edward. "He likes to cheat. You have to keep an eye on him."

Edward glared at Havoc from across the table. Shock and anger plainly written all over his face. The other officers at the table looked between the two nervously. Edward outranked them and they outranked Havoc. Havoc's comment was enough for them or Edward to berate him for speaking disrespectfully to a superior officer. But Edward's silence and the strained tension between the Lieutenant and Lieutenant Colonel, made them hold their tongue. This was nothing they wanted to be in the middle of.

Edward let the comment pass, he more than deserved the insult. He was acting like a kid. Havoc shouldn't have to put up with his moodiness, or get in trouble if he did anything reckless again. He also couldn't get rid of the Lieutenant; Mustang had seen to that. No matter how upset he was, he would have to behave himself. He couldn't get out of it; he had already promised himself that he would keep his nose clean. But he could still have a good time. There was nothing wrong with having a few drinks and playing cards.

The bar maid, used to officers and their usual ribbing towards each other, just giggled. She poured a glass and took a sip from it as she handed the bottle to Havoc, who took a very long swig from it. He could tell that Edward had calmed down or at least would keep from doing anything reckless. He felt a little more at ease to enjoy himself while he had the chance.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing cards and drinking. When evening came the officers left after they lost all their money, but Brody and Healy ended up finding them and joined their game.

Edward continued to win most of the hands. Havoc complained but would get reassurances from the bar maid that she would make it up to him, since she was not being a very good lucky charm for him.

Edward tried to ignore Havoc and the bar maid. It made him think of Erika and he didn't want to be thinking of her. He tuned them out and everything else that was happening around him in the tavern. He didn't even notice a couple more ladies had joined their table until he accidentally bumped someone on his left when he reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He turned, apologizing and found himself face to face with a pair of blue eyes.

The young woman to his left looked quite young, close to his age. She was not as pretty as Erika but she was still quite cute. She took it upon herself to light Edward's cigarette with his lighter that was lying on the table.

Edward focused his attention back on the game but thoughts of Erika and her teasing predictions came to mind. He wanted to prove her wrong but as the night wore on, the young girl was too distracting and soon he didn't care whether Erika was right or not. He'd never see her again and she didn't care what he did. If she did then she would have made some effort to let him know she was alright, it was the least she could do. He hated to admit to himself that he was slightly hurt by her attitude when they parted. He was starting to think that Havoc was right when he was warned that she was taking advantage of him. But he still couldn't stop worrying about her, or missing her.

It was a combination of two things that made Edward act; too much booze, no longer caring whether Erika was right or not, the temptation of some fun with a pretty girl and her distracting hand, hidden by the table. He didn't mean to fold his hand of cards. He actually had a good set. When he slapped the cards on the table the girl took that as her cue. Taking Edward by the hand she led him away from the table.

After that it was just a blur of movement and complicated garments. He didn't know where the girl had taken him, how Havoc had managed to find him or how they returned to the encampment, them both being drunk and not to steady on their feet. The only thing he knew was the splitting headache he had the next morning. Havoc, Brody and Healy looked no better than he felt but they all managed to get through their duties and march to their post.

Havoc didn't question him and he offered no explanation for his attitude the day before. He felt foolish because he knew he had no right to be upset with his brother but he couldn't stop himself.

Thoughts of Erika were still fresh in his mind as well. He was also upset that he had proven Erika right. He began to understand what she meant by saying he was easy.

He was too confused and mixed up that if he did talk about what was running wild in his head he'd just sound like a babbling fool. He smirked to himself thinking he should just commit himself, claim traumatic stress and take an extended leave from the military in a mental institution. However, the sounds of artillery fire in the distance woke up his senses to something he was starting to become more and more familiar with. It was becoming the one place where he was surer of himself than anywhere else. He decided there was definitely something wrong with him if he was looking forward to fighting some Drachmans. At least he could take out his frustrations on them. They were the ones who deserved it the most.

He knew he had accepted what he would have to do in the military but he didn't realize the extended periods of time when there would be nothing to do but think. When he was searching for the Philosopher's Stone that was the only thing on his mind; he was not the one to have to make the tough decisions in this war, unless he was on the battlefield and he knew how to make the stone and where to find it. All that was left to occupy his thoughts were his brother and Erika. That was just a wave of back and forth emotions that were starting to drive him nuts. Sorting through his emotions, other people's behavior and motivations was more complicated than any alchemy experiment he'd ever come across. If only he could just get his hands on some Drachman and kick his ass.

Finally he had to say something to Havoc. He apologized for being rude to the Lieutenant. Then in an urgent, tense whispered confession so nobody else could hear, he told Havoc everything that had been bothering him.

"You sure get emotionally charged. I knew you could get like that but shit, Ed, it seems like it's ten times worse. I shouldn't be surprised though when dealing with a hormonal teenager." Havoc observed lighting a cigarette.

"Fuck you," Edward said insulted.

"You haven't exactly been a typical kid since you joined the military but you are still a kid."

"Don't call me a kid!"

"Okay, but you know what I mean. You've been treated as an adult and you have to act like one, but there is still some growing up for you to do. Don't think that you're going to be able to avoid all the trials and tribulations a typical teenager goes through."

"Thanks for the pep talk, Dad," Edward said in a huff.

"You know I'm always here for you, Son," Havoc answered back with a smirk.

Edward sighed, blowing out a cloud of smoke as he tilted his head back to look up into the night sky. He was still feeling the sting of being called a kid and a hormonal teenager. He laughed to himself thinking Havoc was probably right. He was only seventeen. If he had grown up as a typical teenager, if his mother was still alive and his father hadn't run out on them, he wondered if he'd be constantly clashing with his parents, thinking they didn't understand him. He remembered a neighbor complaining to his mother about how difficult her then sixteen year old son was and how lucky Trisha was her boys were still too young to act out, that she should enjoy it while she could. He was only nine at the time and had no clue what that lady meant. Was he behaving like that neighborhood boy? He felt his stomach turn. He would have to get a better grip on himself. _Yes, I'm seventeen. Yes, I know, I admit it, I'm still young. But I'm also an officer_. _I'm in the fucking military. I'm supposed to be a damn human weapon,_ he thought. _I can't have these emotional hissy fits because I'm confused and don't understand people sometimes_.

"I'm going to sleep," Edward announced. He had finally exhausted his brain, much to his relief, that he could no longer keep his eyes open.

"Good idea," Havoc said. "As a growing young man you need your rest."

Edward had to restrain himself from punching the Lieutenant in the nose.


	29. Chapter 29

Five months passed that were peppered with fighting, bombardments and short furloughs into North City. The first month on the front lines there had been a cause for a small celebration. Word spread that a tentative truce sprung up between Creta and Amestris. Fighting on the western borders had ceased momentarily and the two countries began to settle into peace talks. It was a welcome relief knowing that troops from the west would be spared and brought to the northern front. But it seemed the Drachmans heard the news as well.

The destruction of the two bridges had slowed them but they had enough men, supplies and equipment to keep up a constant nuisance that drained the northern Amestrian army. The Drachmans had started re-construction on the two bridges but in the meantime they found other ways to ship fresh supplies and troops to the front.

Summer had reared its hot ugly head when the Amestrian troops were rattled as the Drachman offense woke up and threw everything they had at the Amestrian military. The western troops could not be moved. Talks had broken down and fighting resumed in the west. The northern troops had only themselves to depend on.

Edward cried out angrily as he fell to the ground. He had ordered a retreat and had just seen that everyone had dropped back into the trenches. A shell had exploded a few yards away. It wasn't the force of the explosion that had caused the pain; it was the shrapnel that sprayed everywhere, like needle sharp rain drops.

Edward could feel the foreign objects embedded in his skin. The throbbing trail of pain went down the left side of his face to his arm and hand. Lifting his hand he could see it covered in blood already from multiple wounds. He started to lift himself up to get back into the trench when he felt someone tugging him backwards by his armpit. There was a grunt of effort and he felt the ground give out below him then his legs dropped heavily.

"He's heavier than he looks," Brody said as he stretched Edward out on the ground.

"It's the automail," Havoc said dropping by Edward's side, looking him over carefully.

"I think you're magnetic," he teased. Then he tried to tug at a piece of metal sticking out of Edward's hand, causing him to wince.

"Yep, just as I thought," Havoc added when the shrapnel wouldn't slide free easily. "Where's the medic?"

"Dead, sir," Edward heard someone answer from behind him.

"Damn," Havoc said starting to look slightly worried. "He's going to have to be taken back to base camp."

"No," Edward said finally finding his voice. The biting pain made it hard to talk, especially with half his face burning with sharp stings. Hearing he would be taken away from his troop made him forget how much he was hurting.

"I'm staying here, pull out what you can."

"I don't think so. If we do that you could bleed to death."

"Nothing major has been hit," Edward argued.

"How do you know?" Havoc countered.

"Because I can feel it, that's how."

"Are you a doctor?"

"No, but I think I know more about the human anatomy than you."

"Then you should know that one of these things could be lodged in an artery and you wouldn't know it until you flooded us with blood."

"Who will stay behind?"

"Me of course. I think I know a thing or two about commanding a troop."

"I see. This just to get me out of the way. You're trying to get rid of me so you can assume command," Edward said. "Is this what you meant by riding my coattails?"

Havoc sighed, exasperated. He was starting to get tired of Edward's stubbornness.

"Ed, don't be a fool," he started to say as Edward moved his hand to a spot on his neck that burned. He felt the sharp metal and almost yanked it out but Havoc stopped him.

"Don't!" He said worriedly.

Edward tried to put his hands together but was stopped by Havoc again.

"Ed, I swear, don't try that either," he warned.

"It's not like I haven't done this before," Edward said through gritted teeth. "This isn't that bad."

"I don't care," Havoc said knowing that Edward had healed a worse wound than this on his own. He also knew how long it had taken Edward to recover. He even had a scar himself from an _inexperienced_ alchemist doing something similar to save his life. "If you use alchemy it'll just sap you of your strength. Get it treated properly so you can return as soon as possible."

"Okay," Edward said giving in.

"Thank you," Havoc said. "Brody! Take the Lieutenant Colonel back to camp."

"Yes, sir," Brody said shouldering his rifle and helping Edward to his feet.

Several hours later, feeling light headed, Edward was lying down on an old army cot. He gritted his teeth as the doctor pulled the piece of metal out of his neck. The doctor's supply of morphine was limited and was restricted to amputations only until the next supply came in. As he stitched the side of Edward's neck, he felt everything.

Brody stood by Edward's side, not able to look. He couldn't stomach the thought of someone feeling each prick of the needle and pull of the thread through their skin. Edward was right. No major artery had been hit but he had been bleeding during the entire trek to the camp and Edward was feeling the effects. He would have passed out from exhaustion but for the pain he had to suffer through. When the rest of the shrapnel was removed and the cuts cleaned and more stitches to sit through, he was finally able to rest. He was almost able to ignore the throbbing in his neck and hand.

He understood why Havoc was so adamant that he not use alchemy. He was already exhausted from fighting all day. Add to that the blood loss and Edward would have been completely useless and in the way if he remained in the trenches. That couldn't keep him from feeling guilty that he was resting while the rest of his troop was still in the trenches fighting. When the doctor finished stitching him up he was ready to go back. The doctor insisted he rest first and when Edward refused he was threatened with sedatives; sedatives that were badly needed for patients who were in worse shape then Edward. The guilt trip worked and Edward agreed to lie down for only an hour.

"Is there a Lieutenant Colonel Elric here?"

Edward opened his eyes slowly when he heard his name.

"Is there a Lieutenant Colonel Elric here?" He heard again. He slowly propped himself up on his elbows and looked around. He hadn't been asleep that long and he wondered how he had been found so quickly.

"Over here Lieutenant," Edward said swinging his legs around so he was sitting on the cot.

"I have a message for you, sir," the Lieutenant said walking over to Edward. He handed over a slip of paper, saluted smartly then left.

Edward smiled when he read through the orders. His troop would finally be relieved after two months at the front with no furloughs. They would get the chance to enjoy a little rest and relaxation in North City. Though there wasn't much left in the city to take advantage of. It was nice the first month when they were relieved every five days. Then the next month it turned to ten days. Then three weeks. It was no longer his imagination that his troop served the most time at the front but then his troop lasted longer than most. A troop that held the enemy at bay had to be taken advantage of or else North City would have been lost weeks ago. But each trip for those short furloughs didn't take as long as they used to. After being stretched thin and having to keep up with persistent Drachman attacks there was nothing for them to do but fall back closer to North City. Drachman artillery was already damaging the northern districts. The only dependable and experienced alchemists were stationed at the most vital points. They couldn't be everywhere at once. The situation was getting worse with the inexperienced ones dying so quickly, there wouldn't be anyone to take the place of the veterans if they were killed.

Edward knew they were in bad shape. They were much closer to North City but still supplies were low and took time to get distributed when they eventually arrived. Most of the taverns and shops that had remained open after the initial evacuation had closed up. A bottle of whiskey was starting to become a rare luxury. Xing mercenaries were proving to be quite a nuisance in the east. They had even infiltrated far enough to disrupt supply runs from Central to North City. Edward wasn't too surprised by their abilities. One Xing Prince was enough to cause a lot of trouble and nearly put him in the poor house.

There wasn't a whole lot to look forward to going back to North City but it was better than being in the line of fire. Even his scheduled meeting with the Brigadier General was something Edward could tolerate if it meant he didn't have to fight under the blazing sun in a wool uniform.

The following day Edward walked down the nearly deserted halls of Northern Headquarters. It was eerily quiet and disconcerting. Something wasn't right and Edward could feel it but he couldn't put a cause to why it felt like that. When he knocked at the Brigadier General's door he was told to enter and stepped into a surprising scene. The Fuhrer, General Olivia Armstrong and Brigadier General Locke were standing around the familiar table with the map and bright overhead lamp. Edward felt like he had just stepped into the eye of a storm. He could feel the electrically charged atmosphere yet nobody said anything when he entered and closed the door. All three looked tense and imposing. Edward suddenly felt like a small, frightened child that had done something horribly wrong but had no idea what it was. Looking between all three, Edward remembered to salute.

"Get over here, Elric," Locke said irritably. "The Fuhrer has another task for you."

Edward walked over to the table. He stood opposite General Armstrong. She eyed him carefully through her blond sheet of hair. A quick glance between the Fuhrer and Locke was meant as a warning to prepare him for sparks to fly.

"Fullmetal," the Fuhrer began. "I'm reassigning you to oversee the completion of the defenses around the foothills and cliffs of the Great Central Valley. A team of engineers will be at your command to assist you."

Edward stared at the point on the map Mustang had indicated. He was stunned where he was to be sent. It was halfway between North City and Central. He wondered if that meant they were giving up on North City. Edward couldn't believe after five months of fighting that they were just going to let it go to the Drachmans. Edward had to say something.

"Sir, does that mean..." but he was cut off.

"Yes," Locke bit out, knowing what Edward was going to ask. "I was not able to hold them back long enough for the imaginary troops I've been promised."

"That's not it at all," Mustang said trying to be reassuring. "You did the best you could with the resources you had available."

"If we keep Elric on the line we can still hold them back," Locke pointed out. "It's pointless to use him for supervising little projects."

Edward wondered if they remembered he was still in the room. He did arrive at the appointed time Locke had specified. He thought it must have been part of their conversation they were having before he came in. He was no longer in the eye of the storm. It had swept back in and it involved a battle of egos between Mustang and Locke.

"Brigadier General Locke," Armstrong said quietly, yet her voice was firm. "You are not the only one to abandon something important to you. This is temporary. It will save your troops for the real fighting."

"She's right," Mustang said almost pleading with Locke. "We have resumed talks with Creta. If we can settle upon an agreement we will have more troops to start an offensive against the Drachmans. You will still have Major Armstrong and other alchemists to hold back the Drachmans as we slowly retreat. I don't want the Drachmans to notice what's going on right away."

"That's if little Alex doesn't run home crying," General Armstrong said in contempt of her younger brother.

Mustang and Locke ignored her.

"Why not send some other alchemist," Locke pointed out.

"Fullmetal has the necessary skills to provide us with more reliable defenses."

"What about Major Armstrong? I know I'm no alchemist but I'm sure he is equally capable. Just because Elric is your little pet doesn't mean he should get the easy jobs."

Edward would have been only too happy to disappear at that moment. He thought how nice it would be that the floor opened up and swallowed him whole so he wouldn't have to hear the rest of the conversation. But he was slightly perturbed about the easy comment. Since when had the war been easy for him?

"You call infiltrating behind enemy lines easy?" General Armstrong asked dangerously.

"How much good did that do us? We still have to retreat. The boy was placed under my command. He does not need the Fuhrer guiding his every move. If he's a good as you say he is, Elric does not need you to give him the type of assignments that shoves it in our face that you were right about him."

"Brigadier General, remember who you are speaking to," Armstrong warned.

"No, Olivia, let him talk," Mustang said. "Do you have any other grievances you'd like to air out?"

"That is all, sir," Locke said fiercely.

"Good," Mustang said, surprisingly calm. "Feel free to tell me exactly what you're thinking in the first place. It would have saved us some time and it would have kept Fullmetal from having to hear all this."

Locke and Armstrong turned to look at Edward, as if they were seeing him for the first time. The Brigadier General regarded him carefully then turned his attention back to the map, making it clear he was not about to offer any apologies for speaking his mind. Edward didn't care. He was glad nobody else said anything. He wanted to get the meeting over with as soon as possible so he could leave in case they wanted to talk about him some more. He tried not to take anything personally. _Everyone is under stress_, he told himself. _It's understandable. Nobody likes to admit they are beat._

Seeing Mustang again, Edward had been able to get a good look at him. The former Colonel had aged quite a bit. He noted the graying hair and the fine stress lines around the Fuhrer's eyes, made prominent by the bright light that hung over the table. General Armstrong, always severe and cold, looked as strict as ever but radiated with tension. Brigadier General Locke's entire body was coiled tight. A throbbing vein on his forehead was clearly defined under his taut skin.

Mustang continued talking; going over everything they wanted Edward to do. As the meeting went on the pressure in the room eased a bit. Halfway through Armstrong and Locke were both giving their own input. All three seemed to finally appear on the same page as they began to go over their new strategy. They were even finishing each other's sentences. They had set aside their differences to band together. Edward fed off their confidence. He hated the thought of retreating further into Amestris; that the Drachmans would be imposing their horrible presence that much longer. He knew it wouldn't be forever though.


	30. Chapter 30

Now that Edward was on his way to his new post he had time to really think about what had occurred during the meeting with Mustang, Locke and Armstrong. A fresh surge of irritation burst over him for being called a kid and the Fuhrer's pet. He knew what people thought of him but to hear it with his own ears, by someone who believed it, was different. There wasn't anything he could do about it. He was just a Lieutenant Colonel who had to follow orders. He had to suck it up and deal with it. Though he couldn't stop being angry and annoyed by the whole thing.

He was frustrated with Locke's attitude. He was shipped from here to there and he did it all without complaining. He followed orders and did as he was told. He was insulted he was still regarded as a kid and Locke thought of him as nothing but Mustang's loyal follower. Edward thought he had proved he was more than that.

He thought he should be angry with Mustang too for stepping in with these special assignments for him. However, if the Fuhrer didn't, Edward would not be able to show all the doubters that he was more than just a kid with a couple of magic tricks up his sleeve. Being singled out by the Fuhrer just made him look bad; that he was nothing but the Fuhrer's pet. He wondered if other's would think his successes were nothing more than pure luck; that the Fuhrer had hand selected certain missions for him to handle that would guarantee success. Edward knew that whatever he was asked to do was always a challenge and he was constantly in danger, that there was no guarantee of success. He wondered if anyone else would realize it.

Edward didn't say anything to Havoc. The entire trip was spent brooding over the entire affair. He tried not to be too snappy with the Lieutenant so he wouldn't suspect anything. Havoc was too good at sensing his moods to not see that something was wrong. Edward was too humiliated to want to say anything. He was after all on his way to another assignment hand selected for him by the Fuhrer.

He tried to focus on the positive. They were no longer on the front lines but marching in the summer heat did little to help keep the positive attitude. All that changed a week later when they arrived at their post to oversee the final phase of the new defenses.

"Well, well, well," Edward said grinning evilly. "What has the Fuhrer given me? I think this will be the one time I give him any kind of credit."

Havoc was walking alongside Edward. He turned to the young officer with a questioning look.

"What are you talking about?"

"See that bastard standing there," Edward said nodding towards a group of soldiers. One in particular had the insignia of a Major on his shoulders and a clean, silver chain that strung from his belt to pocket, reflecting the light from the afternoon sun.

"He is finally going to get what he deserves," Edward said, restraining the gleeful look that was caused by these interesting turn of events.

Edward and Havoc approached the Major. He was a young man who looked about Edward's age and was just as tall as him, with pale blond hair that gleamed in the bright sunlight.

Edward was not told who the engineers were that would be under his command. Mustang said they were already alerted that he would be their new commanding officer. The Fuhrer had hinted that one of the engineers was someone that Edward was acquainted with.

"Major!" Edward said sternly. The young officer turned around startled. He stared at Edward for a second like he had forgotten where he was. He looked over Edward carefully almost as if he didn't believe that the hardened, scarred young Lieutenant Colonel was to be his commanding officer. Edward had not seen what he looked like with the stitches on the side of his face that were healing. He didn't realize that combined with his official demeanor he was quite imposing.

"You're supposed to salute a superior officer when he approaches," Edward said, his tone full of disapproval.

"Yes, sir, sorry, sir," the Major said having collected himself enough to salute awkwardly.

"Lieutenant Havoc, make a note that this officer learns when and how to properly salute. I think he needs a lesson in military protocol."

"Yes, sir," Havoc said trying not to look too surprised with Edward's sudden concern of military regulations.

Edward was rarely official but he had a feeling the Fullmetal Alchemist knew the young man in front of them. He knew Edward would tell him who the Major was and decided to play along. Besides, he was slightly afraid of Edward at the moment. He gave off the impression that he was more than just a Lieutenant Colonel. That he demanded the respect of those around him. Havoc couldn't help but feel a touch of pride that Edward was finally coming into his own as an officer.

"Major, why was there no look-out for your commanding officer?" Edward asked.

"I'm sorry, sir," the young man faltered looking at Edward in confusion. "I mean don't you remember... Didn't they tell you I..."

"Stuttering is no way to explain, Major. I know you were informed I would be arriving today. Such lax standards are not acceptable even if you are a recently appointed State Alchemist," Edward said still maintaining a cold demeanor. "You're inexperience is not an excuse."

"I wonder, though," Edward said continuing. His voice took on a different tone. It was thoughtful and he eyed the new alchemist carefully.

"Tell me Major what it felt like to know that you would be under the command of the _real_ Fullmetal Alchemist. Lieutenant Havoc, I'd like to introduce you to Major Russell Tringum, the Pain in the Ass Alchemist, who likes to impersonate, better, more intelligent alchemists."

Russell looked like he had almost fully recovered from the initial shock of Edward's attitude. It was rather surprising knowing that at one time Edward was a full head shorter than him and had been rather touchy about that fact. They now stood eye to eye but there was something else that was different about the real Fullmetal Alchemist. The once brash young man had an air of command about him and Russell couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated by Edward.

"Now Ed, are you really going to..." Russell said.

"You are to refer to your commanding officer as sir or Lieutenant Colonel," Havoc interrupted with his own official manner understanding what Edward was doing and deciding it'd be fun to join in.

Russell was caught off-guard but quickly recovered.

"I'm a Major, _Lieutenant_, and you will address me with the proper..."

Russell was cut off again, this time by Edward.

"And I'm a Lieutenant Colonel and you will address First Lieutenant Havoc as if he were a superior officer. That's an order from your _commanding officer_," Edward said stressing the last two words.

"Yes, sir," Russell said quietly, visibly shrinking back.

Edward would not tolerate Russell talking to Havoc disrespectfully; he did after all tell his Lieutenant to see that Russell learned proper military protocol. He didn't care if Russell outranked Havoc; the Lieutenant was a better officer and deserved to be addressed with respect.

"Good. When we approach I expect you to salute and address both of us by our proper titles, First Lieutenant Havoc and Lieutenant Colonel Elric. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Now then, let's see how much work is left."

Edward was enjoying this a little too much. Playing officer just to get back at Russell was too much to resist. He figured Russell had it coming; he did lie to a whole town saying he was the Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward was not too keen to have someone else riding high off of his hard work. Besides, Russell and his little brother, Fletcher, had made a mess in the town of Xenotine. They had polluted the town with the red water they were experimenting with to create a Philosopher's Stone. Together they had set things right, but if Edward had not intervened his reputation would have been tarnished and the people of the town, already ill from the red water, could have been killed.

Edward knew he would not be able to keep up the strict officer act much longer. He could hear what an ass he was and felt slightly embarrassed. However, he found that it was rather easy to project the attitude of a domineering officer.

Russell led Edward and Havoc around. They wound their way through a network of tunnels and trenches. Further up into the foot hills, fox holes were being dug in soft spots while pick axes rang as they broke through rocky outcrops.

Edward had his fair share of tunnels and earthen trenches. He was somewhat satisfied with the work but he could tell they were far behind. There was still much to do if they were to provide a retreating army with a place of refuge. It would also have to be built in order for them to gain a firm foot hold and protect the pass that led through the mountains into the Great Central Valley; that then led to the heart of Amestris.

Edward made his way back towards the trenches, the first line of defense the Drachmans would come across as they surged further into Amestris. An ammunitions truck stood on the side of the road with a flat tire. Edward hopped into the back and searched around. Finding what he was looking for he jumped back out and headed towards the closest trench. Walking along the edge to make sure there were no workers inside he pulled the pin from a grenade and tossed it in. He jogged away before the explosion erupted. Once the dust settled after the grenade had gone off Edward went back to examine the damages.

Russell had watched all this in confusion not sure what Edward was up too. After seeing the result, he was annoyed that half a days work had just been undone. He ran over to where Edward was stooped on the edge looking down into the trench. He was so flustered he didn't know what to say at first.

Edward dropped down into the trench without saying anything. A hollow had been dug into the side of it. It was big enough for communications equipment and two men. It had collapsed from the small explosion.

"Major," Edward called from the trench. "Go grab a pick and shovel."

"Ed, I can fix this with alchemy," Russell pointed out.

"Would you have been able to get over here in time during an attack to dig the men out? If you don't know how to dig a proper trench or tunnel with your bare hands, how would you know how to use alchemy to ensure its stability? It's a matter of using your hands first to get a feel for things. Then you can apply it to alchemy. As my alchemy teacher said, to train the spirit you have to start training your body. What better way than to dig a few trenches."

Edward grinned to himself wondering what Izumi would think if she knew he was applying her teachings to the war. Actually, he didn't need to wonder. He knew she'd kick his ass, not just for using her teachings but for going to war in the first place. She was never one to hold back what she really thought of the state military and was not very happy with Edward becoming a State Alchemist.

Russell wondered if Edward's preaching and threat of making him dig trenches without alchemy was just revenge for Xenotine. What Russell did not know was that Edward had done his own digging to do the very same thing over the past five months, when there were lulls in fighting. It was to give him a better feel for the ground and to help keep himself in shape. He would also put his own troop to work, tired of being the only one to make repairs and to keep his men busy. He also knew that Russell's alchemy skills were specialized with plant life. Manipulating dirt and rocks required a whole different understanding. It was easy, when he was young, to create temporary walls and platforms to jump off from in a fight. Those creations were only used for a short period of time and for his use only. They were not under the constant stress of artillery fire.

"Lieutenant Havoc, get a team started on this section to clean this up. Major Tringum, the ground here is too soft to create any kind of shelters. We can solidify it all we want but we don't know how long these have to last us. A rainstorm could undo our work and we may not have the time for constant repairs. It has to be done right the first time."

Edward looked up at Russell who stood staring at him in disbelief. "Well, what are you waiting for? We have a lot of work to do!"


	31. Chapter 31

Juniper and North City were eventually lost. It was expected but it was still a crushing blow, especially to the citizens of Amestris. They still put their faith in the new Fuhrer and the military. Who else were they to depend on?

The Briggs Mountains were not the only mountain ranges in Amestris. As the country grew throughout the years it had started out in what is now known as Central. Central was in the middle of a vast valley that was surrounded by hills and mountains. These ranges were nothing compared to Briggs but they provided protection for the valley as the country grew and expanded its borders. It had been difficult for surrounding tribes to take the valley in order to stop their progress. There were dilapidated tunnels and fortresses scattered amongst the rocky cliffs from a time that most people had forgotten. They had been used to develop better, stronger defenses for a more modern time. It was within the old and new defenses that the northern Amestrian army retreated to.

The Drachmans finally caught up with the Amestrian army. Trying to break against the new defenses proved impossible. They were too well built. The enemy did all they could to stress the Amestrian troops but they would not be pushed back.

However, the Drachmans were not ready to give up. They kept up a constant bombardment and made fruitless attacks to cross the flat expanse that lead to the first line of trenches on the Amestrian side. Hundreds of men were mowed down by machine guns but it seemed the Drachmans had an endless supply. They kept throwing more and more men out into the open, with complete disregard to the cost of so many lives lost. This proved beneficial to the Amestrians. With so many lost, the Drachmans had to constantly reinforce, leaving them exposed to Amestrian artillery fire. The guns ripped through Drachman lines but it didn't seem to do any good. They were too well organized and prepared for such measures. Drachma was a much larger country than Amestris. They had more resources and a military that had always been supported by the populace. There was no concept of defeat, only to conquer. What they could not conquer they would destroy, which is what they were slowing doing to Amestris.

It was tiring to deal with the Drachmans persistent attacks. Steady loses were incurred on the Amestrian side, due to the unending bombings. Since the Drachman guns insisted on being so noisy and to keep from losing too many men from artillery fire, Edward and Havoc devised a plan to draw the fire to an area of trenches that they would keep empty. They would light small fires throughout the length of a particular trench to make it look like a company of men occupied it. The faint, red glow of the camp fires drew the Drachmans attention away from where Edward's troop was in position. Each night they would pick a different trench to light the fires in. It was effective to the point that the strategy preserved Edward's troop and he hoped it would exhaust the Drachmans resources. After a month Edward had to finally concede that the Drachmans were too well equipped. By now he was used to the sound of explosions and the thundering bombardments. He was able to sleep through them with no problems. There wasn't much else that could be done about it except wait and hope one didn't land too close. Waking up one morning to a dud shell at his feet caused him to shiver in fear. It was the one involuntary reaction he'd had in a long time.

Shots were often heard throughout the night. Drachmans would sneak out to try and clip the barbed wire strung across, barring their way. Snipers on guard duty, with good eyes and sharp ears, did their best to deter the Drachmans. It usually worked but the wire would still be cut or bombed and had to be replaced, not the favored task of the men who had to crawl out and string out more wire. Edward had attempted to repair the wire on his own using alchemy. The blue light from the transmutation was too bright and called the attention of Drachman rifle fire to rain around him. He created barriers to protect himself but the Drachmans would in turn launch grenades blowing huge chunks of his barrier to pieces. He finally had to give in to Havoc's insisting that he not go out anymore, to leave it to the non-alchemists to string wire. Stealth was more successful than the light show from the transmutation.

The Drachmans gave up on cutting the wire and resorted to blowing it up. All down the line they used different methods; grenades, bangalore torpedoes and artillery fire. They never advanced though. It was pointless for them to even try. The huge craters left from destroying the wire would hold them up.

Despite the Drachmans offense, the fighting was not as intense as it had been when Edward was in the trenches around North City. They were never ordered to launch any attacks since they were in a defensive position. They were to hold their ground at all costs and not allow the Drachmans to break their lines. Since there was a lot of waiting, Edward was able to keep himself busy by showing Russell and two other engineers, who were also alchemists, the ropes. He learned what their strong points and weaknesses were in order to apply their abilities towards defensive strategies. All three were still very inexperienced. He was glad he had practiced drawing transmutation circles. Russell's circles were more accurate but the other two needed a lot of practice. Edward had to correct them often since the more accurate the circle that was drawn, the more powerful and complete the transmutation would be.

When he wasn't working with the engineers to improve their use of alchemy in a war time situation, he and Havoc developed drills to keep his men alert. They developed a better system of communicating and relaying signals. The engineers still did not have enough to do, even with their training with Edward and making repairs to the network of trenches. Edward ended up assigning Russell and the other engineers to act as runners. They would run fresh supplies, ammunition and messages to his troop scattered around in fox holes and various trenches. This too they were drilled constantly until they knew their job backwards and forward.

Being closer to Central, supplies were never disrupted as they had been when stationed in Juniper and North City. News also traveled quickly. Edward now knew how Russell had come to be a State Alchemist; they were hard to come by. Many of the talented State appointed ones had been lost over the course of the war. There was heavy recruiting throughout Amestris for volunteers. Russell was just one of many volunteers. The process was not as strict as it had been. Many who had failed during Bradley's command were let in. There were a lot of young alchemists that signed up, inspired by Edward's reputation and success. These rookie alchemists were often disappointed when they learned they would not be serving under the famous Fullmetal Alchemist.

Two months passed since the retreat. Edward was sitting with Havoc and Brody as they smoked and passed a flask between each other. They were in the reserve trenches. Two parallel trenches stood between them and the front line. It was an unusually quiet evening. A thin cloud cover kept the light of the moon and stars from making their presence known. There was a chill in the air forewarning them of another winter approaching.

The Drachman guns were silent for once and they took advantage of the quiet by celebrating with a little drinking. It was late and Edward was flipping through a worn, leather notebook, admiring some sketches by Brody. He had to squint to see the drawings by the minimal light cast by a lantern sitting in the middle of the three men. The dim light could not disguise Brody's talent.

"These are really good," Edward said impressed.

"Didn't know an ugly guy like me had a sensitive side, did you?" Brody asked with a crooked smile.

Edward smiled. "Looks are deceiving."

"We all know that for sure, don't we Lieutenant?" Brody said nudging Havoc as he nodded towards Edward.

"Are you trying to tell me I don't look like I know what I'm doing?" Edward asked insulted.

"I think what he's trying to say," Havoc answered. "Is that you look like you do but we all know you don't."

"Fuck you," Edward said. "I'm too tired for your riddles of nonsense."

"Lieutenant Colonel Elric."

Edward turned around to see Russell standing behind him.

"May I speak with you please?"

"Sure," Edward said standing up, handing the notebook back to Brody. He followed Russell where they would be out of ear shot from the rest of the men.

"You know you can call me Ed when we're off duty," Edward pointed out. "I just had to give you shit over Xenotine."

"I know, I figured as much."

Edward reached in his pocket for a cigarette and offered it to Russell who refused.

"So what is it you want to talk about?" Edward asked as he lit the cigarette for himself.

"Well, I was wondering..." Russell began nervously.

Edward didn't have to tell him that he no longer had to be addressed by his rank. He had dropped the hard core military officer attitude a long time ago and treated Russell the same way he treated Havoc and the Sergeants. Yet Russell was still intimidated by Edward and he couldn't get over it. He knew it was not unreasonable to feel like that. Edward had been fighting longer in the war and he was a superior officer. He was also a gifted alchemist who had been in the military for almost six years. But Russell had only known him when he was a short-tempered, vertically challenged, show-off. He hadn't expected this new Edward; a taller, slightly more patient, self-assured young officer. It was hard to get used to.

"I was wondering if there is something else I can be doing?" Russell finally managed to get out.

"You're doing enough. You and your team are invaluable to us," Edward said looking confused.

"I know but I think I can do more. It doesn't seem right that the rest of you risk your lives vulnerable to Drachman artillery and we sit in back protecting the supplies, only coming out when needed."

"You are at risk as a runner just like the rest of us," Edward pointed out.

"I know. It's just that I know I can do more, especially when we launch our offensive against the Drachmans."

"When that happens you'll be needed even more as a runner," Edward argued. "Plus, as we re-take the towns that have been overrun by those bastards, someone will have to oversee the rebuilding."

"Ed, I know I can be more use in a fight," Russell said finally saying out loud what he really meant.

"Tell me, why did you volunteer to be a State Alchemist?" Edward asked.

"What does that have to do...?" Russell asked. It was his turn to look confused with the sudden switch of the conversation.

"Tell me," Edward said his voice hard.

"I wanted to help."

"And you've been doing that. Helping doesn't mean you have to kill anyone. Don't be so quick to get blood on your hands," Edward said quietly and walked away.

Russell's request brought up painful memories for Edward. Things he had buried away and didn't want to remember. After everything he had seen and done over the past year, he couldn't believe that Russell wanted to do the very same things he tried to forget. Russell had no idea what he was asking for. But Edward realized that he too had volunteered. His sole purpose at the time was a way to escape and used the line, "I want to help" as an excuse, too ashamed to admit even to himself that he was running away from Al at the time. He was determined to see his decision through to the end and make sure they won the war. His reason was now the same as Russell's, so it didn't make sense why Russell's request upset him. He thought about letting Russell command a small group on the front. Russell's alchemy skills were not in doubt but Edward was not too sure if he would be able to maintain a cool head when under fire. Would he be able to make a quick decision and not panic? Edward had no way of knowing. Things were much more different when bombs were dropping around you, bullets ricocheting everywhere and men looking to you for direction. The only way to find out was to put him into a situation like that; to be tested when under fire like he had gone through. Edward didn't know if he wanted to take the risk with someone who had no previous military experience.

Edward tried not to think about it. If he did he wouldn't be able to sleep. He went back where Havoc and Brody were sitting but kept walking. Of course, Havoc knew something was on his mind. He got up to walk alongside Edward.

"Did Tringum finally ask what he wanted?"

"How did you know?" Edward asked tiredly.

"He's been hovering around you for a week now."

Edward didn't like that. It meant he wasn't paying attention to what was going on around him. If he was going to be a good officer he was going to have to be more aware of what his men were doing. He was also annoyed to be talking about the subject after trying not to think about it. As always, Havoc had a way of bringing things up to annoy him. Pushing his irritation aside, he thought it might be better to talk about it, in order to get Havoc's opinion so he would have another perspective to see things from.

"He wants to be placed at the front. I don't know what to do though. He has no idea what he's asking for. If I told him I doubt he'd care."

"Sounds like someone I know."

"Just because Al's foolish brother is in danger, doesn't mean I should put another one in the same situation," Edward said thinking of Fletcher.

"He is a State Alchemist. From what I've seen he's pretty good. It would be a waste to keep him as a runner."

"I know," Edward sighed.

"Just a warning," Havoc said lowering his voice. "If you keep putting it off and make excuses to deny his request, he might get suspicious."

"Suspicious of what?" Edward asked not understanding what Havoc was getting at.

"Officers can get touchy, especially if they think they're being held back. They may misinterpret your intentions."

"But it wouldn't be anything like that," Edward said defensively.

"I know. It's just something you should keep in mind."

Edward groaned. More military politics he would have to deal with. He cursed Mustang for putting Russell under his command. He really did not want to deal with any prima donna officers. He hoped to hell Russell would not be one.


	32. Chapter 32

It wasn't the last time Russell approached Edward. As preparations were under way for the Amestrian army to launch their own attack upon the Drachmans, he became rather persistent and he was not shy requesting duties normally handled by Havoc and Edward.

Russell was getting on Edward's nerves. He tried not to let it get to him but Russell was relentless and wouldn't give up. Edward knew he would, in time, give Russell more responsibility but he wasn't ready to. He told Russell he would but the Major was impatient.

Edward's eighteenth birthday came and went. It was about the same time Creta and Amestris finally signed a treaty. Negotiations with Creta had taken longer than expected. King Bradley's regime and reputation made it difficult for Creta to trust the new Fuhrer. Creta was not so willing to let their guard down while Amestris remained armed so close to their borders. Amestris in turn was not so willing either, not wanting Creta to take advantage of them if they disarmed and move in on their territory. Eventually terms were agreed upon. The western troops were being readied to coordinate an attack with the northern troops that had been holed up in the network of trenches for the past three months.

Edward's troop celebrated with a lot of drinking after being relieved from the trenches. With nothing for miles to provide adequate entertainment, they had to make do with their base camp. It was a week past Edward's birthday but that didn't stop them from taking advantage of another reason to celebrate by getting wildly drunk. Edward didn't know how they managed it but somehow they did. After his Sergeants and Havoc made sure he was roaring drunk he was thrown into his tent, which was much further away from the other tents than it had been earlier that day.

"There's a birthday present inside to help you sleep it off, Lieutenant Colonel," Brody laughed as he tied the tent flaps together.

Edward fumbled around in the dark tent for the lantern.

"Looking for this?" A voice asked. The lantern flooded the tent with light and Edward blinked, blinded momentarily.

"Hey," Edward said once he could see. "You're in my bed."

The woman stretched out on his bed roll smiled and got up, stooping in the small confines of the tent as she came towards him.

"Perhaps we can share," she said looking him before taking him by the hand. She led him back to his bed roll, gently pushing him down onto his back.

"Sharing is good," Edward said trying to keep the image of her face in focus as she leaned over him. Even in his drunken state he could tell she was a good ten years older than Edward but as drunk as he was, he didn't care.

"They told me it would be worth my time. I didn't believe them but they paid well. They were right."

"You thought you'd end up with an old, fat officer?"

"That's usually how it goes."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Oh, I'm not disappointed," the woman said as she turned the lantern off.

The next morning, Edward seriously thought his head was going to roll off his neck. It felt like a Drachman bombardment raging inside his skull. He made a mental note to order his men to forget the date of his birthday. He didn't know why he allowed himself to get so drunk. They had to go back to the trenches that day. He vowed never to get so drunk on the last day of any time off. Composing his self the best he could and after drinking three cups of coffee he went out to inspect his troop.

The men stood before him looking just as bad as he did. They had more experience holding their liquor so they were able to withstand the rigors of military life better than Edward, though it was getting easier for him. Yet, their badly hidden smirks did not go unnoticed by Edward. The men in his troop were very good at wiping them away if Edward glared in their direction. But they could tell Edward's heart was not in it so they were put the smirks and knowing looks back on.

Once everything was in order they began their march back to the front. Edward felt like he was sleep walking the entire time. He barely felt the ground at his feet. He also didn't notice that Russell had come up beside him.

"Hey, Ed," Russell said quietly. "You don't look so well."

"I'm fine," Edward told him.

"Are you sure? I can help some. You can take it easy and I..." Russell said but was cut off.

"No," Edward said fiercely. "I'm fully capable of commanding my own troop."

"I didn't mean anything by it, Ed, but you were up late," Russell said trying to soothe Edward's ego. "I've been here long enough to know how you want the men placed in the trench. I can oversee that while..."

"That's what Havoc is for," Edward pointed out. "You have your own duties to see to. That's all you should be concerned with."

"Yes, sir," Russell said dropping back with a hint of irritation in his voice.

Edward turned and saw Havoc looking at him. It would be no use telling the Lieutenant what that conversation was about.

Edward tried not to sound too harsh but he couldn't help it. His headache, compounded with Russell's persistence made him lose his patience. He was used to Havoc hovering over him and making suggestions but he didn't like it coming from Russell. Havoc was more experienced and he never felt that the Lieutenant was trying to take over or overstep his boundaries. With Russell it was different. Edward felt like Russell was trying to push him aside somehow. After all the hard work he put into earning the respect of his troop, he was not going to give that up to someone who only enlisted six months ago.

Once they were back in the trenches, Edward put himself as far away from Russell as he could get. He had Russell stationed with their main communications console in the third row of trenches. Edward put himself in the first row. There wasn't much for him to do there as he walked up and down the length of the trench in the still night. There really was no need for him to be there. It was just his best sharpshooters on the lookout and a handful of men kept as backup. They didn't need their commanding officer hovering over them, they knew their duty. It was all part of the routine that had been drilled into them.

Feeling restless and wanting to do something, Edward dismissed one of the sharpshooters and took his place. It was much better than meandering around, useless. He still felt awful from the night before but staying awake and focused as he kept watch was almost soothing. It kept his mind off worrying about Russell and his own fears that the other alchemist was trying to take over his troop. He knew it was foolish but he had grown rather protective of his command. He was sure Russell's insistence for more responsibilities was just restlessness on his part. Edward more than understood the need to be doing something worthwhile at times.

It was close to midnight when Edward felt a sense of unease wash over him. There was a sense of electricity in the air, vibrating and humming, yet silent to the ears. It made his skin tingle and his heart started to beat faster.

He thought he heard a sneeze.

It was not unusual since not ten feet away to his left was another sharpshooter and to his right another one. But the sound did not come from his right or left. It came directly in front of him. He carefully pulled himself up over the edge of the trench wall until he was lying stretched out on the ground. He pulled the rifle up close and peered into the darkness, looking, listening for something. What that something was he didn't know but his instincts told him something was not right.

He remained there for a few minutes, waiting. Nothing happened. He was about to push himself back when he heard an earth tearing explosion behind him. He looked back and saw a flash of red haze and smoke from the second row of trenches twenty yards behind the one he was in. He scurried back into the trench then heard another one. That too came from behind.

Edward was ready to jump from his position but stopped himself. He remembered the sneeze.

"Don't move off the line!" He ordered to the other sharpshooters who were stirring and looking behind them towards the explosions.

Edward could hear shouts from his men in the second tier of trenches. He knew Havoc was there and would re-group everyone. Then a sudden fear gripped him that something could have happened to Havoc. He was torn between staying where he was and running to see what the explosions were about. But he had to know. Leaving his position he ran to the sharpshooter on his right.

"Jenkins, keep your eyes on the Drachman lines, don't move from your position, don't look behind you," Edward instructed. He continued down the trench and saw Healy running towards him.

"Sir," Healy said out of breath. "What happened, sir?"

"I don't know, stay here and keep an eye on things. I want the machine guns readied on the Drachman lines. Keep everyone here. See to it, Sergeant," Edward said.

"Yes, sir," Healy saluted and went down the trench in the direction Edward had come from.

Edward found the cross trench that led to the second line and bumped into Sergeant Jacks.

"What happened, Jacks?"

"Sir, I don't know. Lieutenant Havoc told me to get you. He's going to try and contact Sergeant Hood's team that was down the trench where the explosion came from."

"Okay. I want you to go and keep watch with Healy and..." Edward said then was interrupted when a thundering roar of gunfire and explosives went off all around them.

The gun fire sounded like it came from the front trench and the explosions were coming from the trenches he was headed for. It sounded like a hail of hand grenades going off.

"Hurry!" Edward yelled pushing Jacks toward the first trench and heading the opposite way. Edward ran the rest of the twenty yards and came upon the smoky haze left from the explosions. He didn't stop in time and ran into full view of the intersecting trenches.

"Sir, Get down!"

Edward dropped to the ground and bullets whizzed by over his head. Soon answering fire came from the opposite direction of Havoc's volley. Edward looked to his right and through the haze he saw lumbering, dark figures. What light there was reflected off silver trimmings from dark uniforms. Edward clapped his hands together and placed them on the ground. A rough, earth wall shot up cutting off the entrance to the trench on his right. He picked himself up and out of the corner of his eye saw something drop at his feet. Edward scrambled to his left into the connecting trench where Havoc had several men lined up ready to fire again.

"Grenade!" Edward shouted pushing the men back. They all fell back falling to the ground, just out of reach of the full force of the exploding grenade. More grenades went off behind them. Edward looked to see the wall he created starting to crack and crumble in places but it held.

Havoc, pushing soldiers aside, kneeled next to Edward.

"Ed, they'll go over the top and take out the first line," he said urgently.

"Shit!" Edward hissed picking himself back up.

The grenades stopped and Edward went back to the connecting passage that led to the first row of trenches. Gunfire rang from overhead, pushing him back behind the safety of the trench wall.

"They're already on the top," Edward panted. "We go up too!"

Edward and Havoc lined everyone up to pull themselves up over the trench wall. Just as everyone was in place to go up together Sergeant Pickett came running forward.

"Lieutenant Colonel, sir! Major Tringum is on the line and wants to send back up."

"No, tell him to stay there," Edward said turning to the Sergeant. "He needs to line everyone up and set up three machine guns on each side of the passage but don't fire, unless the Drachmans come towards him. We're going up. I don't want us to get shot by our own men. Also make sure he covers the cross section."

Sergeant Pickett ran down where the communications console was kept in that section of trenches to relay Edward's orders.

"How are we going to do this, Ed?" Havoc said into his ear, trying to be heard above the gunfire but not to be heard by the other men. "We'll be vulnerable to them once we're over the top. They'll be waiting for us."

"You're right," Edward said pausing for a second, willing his mind to work through the problem quickly. "Okay, we'll do this. I'm going to fill in the connecting passage, create a slope for you and a group. That should give you cover to climb up and take position along the edge. I'm going to drop that wall and take a group of men with me down that trench. We'll surround them just as they tried to do to us. We have to hurry; shots were coming in from the front. Healy and Jacks are vulnerable from the front and back."

Havoc nodded in agreement. Edward ignored the worried look in his Lieutenant's eyes. If they didn't hurry, the first line would be wiped out. Edward cursed himself for leaving them. That sneeze he thought he heard was real and more than likely came from a Drachman, hiding in one of the many craters that littered the barren flatness that separated the Drachman line from the Amestrians. That sneezing Drachman would not be alone.

"Get away from there," Edward commanded, indicating the trench wall as he clapped his hands together. Placing his hands against the wall the familiar blue flash shot out lighting quick. There was a rumble as the trench wall shifted and molded itself, flowing to his left to fill in the passage and rose in a sloping arc. Havoc took half the men with him and climbed up the shortened wall, running over the uneven surface, heading to the left.

Edward took the rest of the men and put them into position in preparation for dropping the wall. A clap of the hands, more flashing light and the wall melted away. Hugging the sides of the trench, Edward removed his handgun and quickly moved down into the opposite side of the trench. Drachman and Amestrian soldiers littered the ground. Ten feet in front of them was a large hole in the ground. Drachmans were climbing their way out of it.

The one mistake they made was not watching the wall that Edward created to block the passage. The first few soldiers out of the hole, when finding their way barred by Edward's wall, went straight over the top, anxious to take out the line in the front. They made it too easy for Edward. With a clap of his hands the hole was covered up, sucking any unfortunate Drachman who was still climbing out back into a vortex of dirt and debris. There were still more Drachmans in the trench. They saw Edward and his group. Dropping to their knees they prepared to fire but they never had the chance to follow through.

The trench wall to their right came crashing into them, forcing them into the opposite side of the unyielding earth. Ignoring the fact he had just crushed over a dozen men he rallied his own soldiers around him. Pulling himself up to the top of the trench he clapped his hands together again. The ground before him began to shift and stir. Drachmans who were trying to take cover from Havoc's fire lost their footing in the soft ground. Others further ahead that were joining the attack on the first line were too busy either firing down into the trenches or ready to jump in themselves. Whatever they were doing, it was disrupted as they felt their feet begin to sink. First their feet, then their knees and legs, until panicked they tried to scratch and claw their way out. Soon their torso and arms were consumed and then all that was left was a suffocating darkness.

Edward solidified the ground for him and his men to run across. Havoc joined his group from the right and together they converged onto the first trench that was still under fire from the Drachmans directly in front of them.

They reached the mouth of the trench. Havoc had dropped down to avoid the Drachman barrage of gunfire. He tried to pull Edward down but he had already jumped into the trench. More gunfire erupted above and behind him as Havoc directed everyone to fire to drive the Drachmans back.

As Edward fell into the trench, he landed on a Drachman attacking one of his men. He and the Drachman tumbled to the ground. Edward pulled the knife from his boot, not wanting to shoot in the tight confines of the trench, in case the bullet went astray and hit one of his own men. He drove the knife into the Drachmans neck and pulled it out quickly, a fountain of blood spraying him. He heard the heavy thud of more men dropping into the trench and them engaging with the Drachmans.

Three hours later it was over and the clean up almost complete. Healy had managed to keep a constant line of fire pointed towards the front to keep the Drachmans from advancing. Jacks had done the best with his group to protect Healy's. Edward was proud how they worked together and did not panic, knowing they were surrounded. He made sure, when he wrote up his report later that day, to commend Healy and Jacks profusely. In fact, he gave credit to everyone but himself. He was relieved the damage was minimized but he had lost too many men in the process. Sergeant Hood and his entire squad were lost; having been close to the blast that created the tunnel entrance the Drachmans had come from.

Edward sat, exhausted. It had been hours since he last had anything to eat or drink. The heavy use of alchemy had drained him as well but he refused to rest. He wanted to oversee the wounded moved out and taken care of, the dead gathered and replace those heavily involved with the fighting, with Brody's squad, that had been stationed in the third line of trenches. During the activity he made his initial report to Colonel Robienne. When everything had settled down he went to work on his written report.

The pen was still held loosely in his left hand, his arm lying beside him, limp. The paperwork sat beside him, his pocket watch lying on it so it wouldn't blow away from the faint breeze that was sweeping through the trench. It was a refreshing breeze and Edward closed his eyes, relishing the coolness of it. He heard footsteps approach. Opening his eyes he looked to see Russell walking towards him. He kneeled next to Edward, handing him a canteen of water.

"Thank you," Edward said realizing just how parched his throat was. He drank the contents of the canteen down greedily.

"Ed," Russell began. "I really wish you would have..."

"Don't start," Edward snapped.


	33. Chapter 33

Edward learned similar attacks occurred down the line. The Drachmans succeeded wiping out two whole companies but not all of the attacks produced such devastating results, so they were forced to retreat. The attack certainly put a damper on the high spirits the Amestrian army was feeling knowing they would be launching their own offensive. Reality came and kicked them in the ass for thinking that just because they were going to have support from the west; it didn't mean they would have an easy time with the Drachmans. There was going to be a long fight ahead of them.

Two weeks later Edward received notice his troop would be given a one week furlough. He had also received a letter from Al urging him to spend the furlough with him in Resembool. Edward did not have to guess how Al found out. Mustang's reach stretched quite far, as usual.

Edward wrote that he would. He was hesitant about going back. Al had written to come _home_ to Resembool. It did not feel like he would be going home. He felt like the only home he knew was the battlefield. Then he knew for sure he should go. To be that comfortable in the middle of a battle was not normal. He was going to have to do something before he became a war-mongering psycho like the Generals who supported King Bradley.

As he sat in the train car watching the country speeding by, Edward's hesitation about going to Resembool came back. He was nervous that he would scare his brother. He had changed so much. He was worried Al wouldn't recognize him. He was a little nervous that if Al knew he had a one week furlough, what else did his brother know? Would word have reached him about fighting with that enlisted man, the drinking, smoking, Erika?

Edward tried to push those worries out of his head. It was up to him to do what he wanted and he wondered why he should worry what anyone else thought. He was a soldier, an officer; he was not the only one doing those things. It should be expected from someone who had been fighting in a war for the past year. But he made a mental note to steer clear of such subjects with his brother. He was already hiding things from his brother; it wouldn't matter if he added more to the list.

Edward sighed. At least he would be stopping in Central first. He thought that before he caught a train for East City, to transfer to one going to Resembool, he'd spend a day in Central to collect himself and clear his head of any doubts he was having returning to the town of his childhood.

"Are you nervous about going home?" Havoc asked from his seat across from Edward.

"A little. You?"

"Yeah," Havoc said turning to look out the window. "The last time I saw my parents, my mother was crying. She didn't want me to rejoin the military."

"Al was begging me not to go, too."

"Let's find a place to get drunk in Central, and then worry about train schedules later."

"Sure," Edward agreed. "After I get a new uniform. This one looks like shit." The one he was wearing was worn thin with his own alterations and mending. He had grown another three inches and his jacket was too tight, making it uncomfortable to move around in, especially in the shoulders.

"That's not a bad idea," Havoc said looking down at his own worn out uniform. "We should at least look like heroes when we see our family."

"Instead of looking like we've had the shit kicked out of us," Edward added with a smirk.

Once they arrived in Central, Edward and Havoc found rooms in a hotel near the train station. They got something to eat then went to get fitted for new uniforms. By the time they were done it was late and they were ready to find a place that was not too rowdy to have a drink. They were walking down a particular section of Central, passing a barroom that looked too crowded, when two officers walked out complaining.

"Every time I come here Erika is always taken."

"She's quite popular. She should set up a waiting list."

Edward froze thinking it couldn't be the same Erika; not his Erika. He shook his head. He had no claim on her. He had no right to think of her as his. Besides, it could just be another girl named Erika. He had not thought about her in months. The memories of their time together came rushing back in a flood of emotion that Edward didn't realize were that strong. He missed her and if it was the same Erika it was his chance to see her again. He had to know if it was Erika. Leaving Havoc on the sidewalk Edward went into the barroom.

"Ed, wait!" Havoc called out pausing on the sidewalk, and then resigned himself to chasing after Edward once again.

Edward entered his heart pounding. He looked around and quickly spotted her sitting at the bar. There was no mistaking the pretty face and just a touch of that teasing smile he tried to forget. He couldn't see who she was talking to. If he could, he knew he wouldn't care and just as he started moving towards her, he stopped. He knew where he was and that he should care who was with her; whoever Erika was talking to may not take too kindly to him interrupting. Besides, she didn't seem too concerned about seeing him again when they said their good-byes. No, she did say it was fine if they did. She just didn't want to make any promises they couldn't keep, Edward remembered.

He approached, winding his way through the other men in blue and the women who were keeping them company. He lost sight of her a couple of times and each time he did he thought he had imagined her presence. When he was on the verge of turning around to leave he would see her. Finally he was only a foot away. All he had to do was reach out and touch her. He got a good look at the soldier she was talking to. But when he heard her say "I'm waiting for someone right now" he completely forgot about the other officer as he spoke up.

* * *

"Can I get you something to drink?"

Erika had been laughing at a joke an older Colonel had just told her. Erika looked to her right and found a young man looking down at her. She thought it unusual that he would interrupt the Colonel. Men usually interrupted each other when they tried to get her attention but not if the one being interrupted outranked them. The Colonel didn't care. He was too drunk and another girl had squeezed between him and Erika to get to the bar. She now had the Colonel's attention. No matter how old or unattractive the officer was, if he was above the rank of a Lieutenant, the girls could get very competitive with each other.

The young man who had just asked if Erika wanted a drink, reminded her of Edward. But instead of the golden eyes she had found so stunning, she was looking into blue eyes that were watching her with interest, something that she was used to. He was good looking but he didn't compare to Edward. His blond hair, the fact that he was a young officer and an alchemist, noting the silver chain running from his pocket, made her wish he would go away. She suddenly felt a violent hatred towards him for not being Edward. His presence just made her long for Edward and she knew it was no use pining for someone she would never see again.

"No, thank you," Erika said trying hard to sound polite. The officer could not help it if he was not Edward. She would have to refuse him without insulting him though. She hated what she now had to do to get by but any potential customer would help add to her savings in order for her to leave. Perhaps once she got Edward out of her head she could make it up to the young officer.

"Come on," he insisted. "Just one drink and a few minutes to talk then I'll leave."

"No really," Erika said trying to maintain the politeness. "I'm waiting for someone right now," she lied.

"Why don't I keep you company while you wait," the young man insisted, knowing she was lying and starting not to like being refused.

Erika sighed, her patience nearing the end of its rope. She could tell he was getting irritated and she would have to tread carefully. He had been drinking she noted by the glassy look in his eyes. She knew from experience men could be quite volatile when drunk. Before she could think of another excuse someone from behind answered for her, providing the perfect excuse.

"That won't be necessary. I'm here now."

Erika couldn't believe her ears. Did she think she just heard him only because she had been thinking about him? She knew she must be imagining things. She turned around quickly to confirm it was her imagination. But it wasn't and she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face to see him there; to finally have him standing before her. She knew she wanted to see him, she just hadn't realized how much so. She couldn't take her eyes off him. She tried to remember if he was this good looking the last time she saw him. He changed so much since then, in a good way. He was much taller with broader shoulders and he looked more confident. The brand new uniform helped and he looked very dashing in it. She found that she had to restrain herself from jumping on him, she wanted him so bad. It had been months since she last saw him and she was completely surprised by how much she had really missed him once he stood in front of her. The other young man was completely forgotten now that Edward stood before her. She knew he was still alive, she had scanned the daily casualty lists for his name, but to see him in the flesh before her had relieved any worries she had for him. It was hard to believe this was the same boy she had met ten months ago.

"Can _I_ buy you a drink?" Edward asked.

"Maybe later," she said recovering her senses. "You're late. It's rude to keep a lady waiting for so long." She didn't want to hurt the young man by ditching him and going with Edward. She could see him, out of the corner of her eye, glaring at Edward. They did not acknowledge each other but she could tell they were eyeing each other carefully.

Edward smiled. He could tell that once again she was getting him out of a sticky situation. He should have thought twice about interrupting. He didn't like the way Russell was looking at him but he didn't want to start anything, especially not in front of Erika. Also it would look bad to have two officers fighting over a woman in a brothel. Edward held out his arm for Erika to take.

"I apologize. Shall we go so I can make it up to you?"

Erika took his arm and led him upstairs. She discreetly looked down into the barroom and saw the young man watching them.

"Do you know him?" She asked.

"He's under my command."

"I don't think he likes you very much."

"The feelings mutual," Edward said though he knew it wasn't completely true. He had been irritated with Russell lately but it wasn't that he didn't like him.

"But you didn't look at him the way he looked at you," Erika pointed out.

"How was he looking at me?"

"Like he wanted you to disappear."

"You're very good at reading people. It's got me worried though," Edward said thoughtfully as Erika opened the door to her room and led him in.

"About what?" She asked closing the door behind him. Edward stood in the middle of the room thinking as Erika leaned against the door.

"This could lead to trouble later. I gave him a hard time when he was placed under my command and he's been requesting to be placed on the front."

"And you're the one to approve that?"

"Yes. But he has a younger brother. I didn't want to put him in danger," Edward said as he approached Erika. He looked into her eyes and smiled. Seeing her again, looking into her pretty hazel eyes made him forget the anger and hurt he had felt over their parting months ago.

"But let's not worry about that now," he said softly, brushing her hair off her shoulders. He leaned in close like he would kiss her but stopped. He stood up straight and turned away. Erika looked at him puzzled.

"Do you want to see something?" He asked without turning around to look at her.

"Sure," she said not really wanting to. She wanted to kiss him; to be with him once again.

Edward pulled out a black notebook from the inside of his jacket. He looked back at Erika and she could detect a sly smile, tugging at the corner of his mouth that he was trying to hold back. It was then that she knew he was teasing her. It had been months since they were together, waiting a little longer wouldn't hurt.

Edward started flipping through the notebook. He had borrowed Brody's sketches to show his brother. He thought it would be nice to show Erika and to get back at her for the times she teased him. He stopped at the page he wanted to show her.

"One of my Sergeants drew a picture of me," he said showing her.

It was a well detailed sketch of Edward stretched out sleeping with his mouth slightly open. Erika looked at it and laughed remembering watching him sleep just like that.

"You like to sleep with your mouth open," she commented.

Edward smiled. "I know. I told him he could have left that detail out but I like it. I've never had anyone draw a picture of me before."

"He's really good," Erika agreed as Edward flipped through more pages of the notebook revealing more sketches of soldiers. Erika stopped him as he came across another picture Brody had drawn of Edward. He was holding a rifle, taking aim. It was the look of Edward's eyes that the artist had captured that made Erika stop to take a better look. He had the same look she had seen the last time she was with Edward. A haunted, frightened look; like he was running away from something but had nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. Like he was on his own, yet left to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and he didn't know if he should run or face what was coming.

"I don't think I like that one," Edward said. Erika looked up to see him staring at the drawing with a frown. He handed her the notebook and went to sit on her bed. Erika closed the book setting it down on her dresser. She walked over to Edward and sat next to him. She watched him for a moment. She could tell something was troubling him. She could see the internal battle written all over his face.

"What's wrong?" She finally asked.

"That picture is of me but it doesn't look like me. Did I look like that the last time we saw each other?"

"At times," Erika said truthfully.

"I'm losing myself. Or maybe I did a long time ago," he said like he was talking to himself.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I should go."

Edward got up quickly and went to the door. Erika stopped him from opening it.

"Wait, don't go," she said trying hard to hide the desperation in her voice.

"I shouldn't be here."

"Why?"

"Because we both know what will happen next," Edward said firmly in a way that was mixed with anger and shame.

"And what's wrong with that?" Erika countered without any embarrassment.

"But it's not right."

"It is. That's what I do, Edward."

"But I don't want to pay you like the rest do. But then I do so you can save up some money to get out of here. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to make of all this."

Erika could see that the strong, confident Edward that had entered her room had left and the one standing before her was the nervous, scared Edward she first met. That didn't stop her from not wanting him to stay. She would have both, one or the other; she didn't care. She would still be with Edward.

"You're thinking too deeply into it," she said hoping to soothe him.

"But shouldn't I?" He countered.

"No. You should be enjoying yourself and not think about the consequences."

"But I should," he insisted again. "I shouldn't be casually jumping into bed with whatever girl I meet."

"Don't be selfish, Edward," Erika said teasing. "How can you deny us your company?"

"It's not funny," Edward said angrily, not in the mood for her teasing. "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you and the others. But after it feels as if I've been taken advantage of. I hate how I feel afterwards."

Erika smiled. "It's to be expected. Not many of us come across someone like you Edward. You're not like the other men. You don't treat us roughly or expect us to pull up our skirts if you flash a little cash. I warned you that you would get a lot of attention. You're a young, attractive officer. You're going to have to get used to it. You should take advantage of it and enjoy yourself while you can. Life is short and could be even shorter when you're in the middle of a war. You of all people deserve a moment to forget what is going on out there."

Edward looked at her with guilty eyes. What she said made sense but he still felt it wasn't right. He wondered what the consequences would be in the future. What if he wanted to settle down and have a family? What would he tell his wife? Would he tell her about all the women he'd been with? He hadn't been with that many but the ones he'd been with he had no plans of settling down with. Wasn't that wrong? He was already feeling guilty about mentioning that he'd been with women other than Erika and he had no commitment with her. But he couldn't help feeling so drawn to her. He didn't know what it was but it was frustrating how his desire for her was overruling his common sense.

"I don't know what else to tell you," Erika sighed. "It's up to you what you want to do."

"I know," he whispered and sat back down on the edge of her bed, deep in thought.

Erika was getting a little frustrated with him. She could tell he was thinking about what she said but he hadn't accepted it. She stepped towards him and kneeled in front him. Reaching up, she started to unbutton his jacket.

"Let's talk later," she said as she finished with the jacket and began to slip it off his shoulders. "I've missed you."

Edward brushed her hands away and got up. He swept out of the room as he shrugged his jacket back on, leaving a stunned Erika alone.


	34. Chapter 34

Edward remembered the last time he saw Erika, how he was hurt by her apathy; that she wouldn't take the time to let him know she was alright. He spent a lot of nights awake with worry for her, then, finally, he thought he had been done with her. But he wasn't and he only had himself to blame for that. He was ashamed with himself. He knew why he came in to find out if it was Erika or not and why he took her away from Russell. He knew that he could; that Erika would go with him and he knew where it would lead eventually.

He was also a little jealous and he didn't want Erika to be with anyone else, but it was the fact that he was conceited enough to know she would just get up and leave him that he was ashamed. Once again his reasoning was trumped by the chemicals in his body.

He almost turned around and went back to see Erika when he realized something. When they were in Juniper together, of all the times she kissed him, she was always in control. She was never shy around him and never exposed any vulnerability. But when he kissed her before they went their separate ways, there was a definite reaction from her that was different from before. He had sensed a moment of weakness from her but he was too naive and worried for her to have noticed at the time.

He couldn't go back though. His mind was running wild with questions and worries about what had been happening to him over the past year. He knew he was going to have to decide what he was going to do.

He knew that if he wanted to make a career out of the military that perhaps he should think about what kind of reputation he wanted; that perhaps he needed to start re-thinking what he would do and say, especially when off duty. He knew he would have no problem developing a reputation as a competent leader on the battlefield, but what about off the battlefield? If he pursued a life long career in the military and sought out to be promoted, would his off duty activities have any bearing? Did he want the reputation of a playboy or a womanizer?

He questioned his decisions and actions. He knew he shouldn't be drinking so much, should quit smoking and definitely should stop being with so many women. There were consequences to every action and he was all too well aware of that. One day it would all catch up to him. But he also knew that one day he could be dead, such was the life in the military. It was a constant risk; a lucky shot or a well aimed artillery shell and no more Edward Elric.

_Perhaps Erika is right_, he thought. _Maybe I shouldn't be thinking of the consequences. I've got enough to worry about as it is. I've got my troop to think about. I've got to think about getting them through each battle as well as myself. But what happens after the war? What do I do if I get through it alive? What would I tell my wife, my children, and my grandchildren? How can I look Al in the eye after everything I've done?_

He couldn't bear for Al to ever find out. He would be seeing his brother soon. It could be the last time he would ever see Al. The Amestris military was in the middle of making preparations for an assault on the Drachman army. They would no longer be the weakened army, stubbornly holding on to whatever was left of their country; they were ready to take back what belonged to them. The fighting in the west had ended; troops were now at their disposal. Once his furlough was done, he would be gone to prepare his command; he didn't need to be worrying about personal issues. But his personal problems always had a way of piggybacking along with him when he tried to dump them off his conscious. It was not always an easy thing for him to do, his little issues were always so stubborn; or maybe he just held on to them stubbornly.

Also, he was starting to feel like he was turning into his father, who had left him and his brother when they were young, leaving their mother alone. Edward tried to dismiss that thought out of his head. He was not his father and he would not be like his father. Van Hohenheim had made a commitment to his mother. Hell, he was the product of that commitment. He had made no such commitment to Erika or anyone else. But just because he made no such commitment didn't mean he should be running around like a wild, hormonally driven teenager.

He went back downstairs and walked up to the bar to order a drink. He was confused and annoyed with himself.

_Why did I even bother to see her? _He wondered. _Why didn't I think of this before coming in here? I could have saved us from this emotional drama._

He looked across the bar and saw Russell watching him with a satisfied smirk. The Major got up and walked around the bar to sit next to Edward.

"That didn't take long," Russell commented as he finished off his drink.

Edward ignored him, his hand frozen on his own drink in front of him. Luckily it was his left hand or else he would have crushed the glass.

"Maybe she can fit me into her busy schedule," Russell said getting up and heading for the stairs that Edward had just come down from.

Edward stood up and was about to turn around to go after Russell when he felt a stern hand on his shoulder. He turned to find himself face to face with Havoc who had a warning look on his face. Edward relaxed unwillingly, sat back down and asked for a bottle of whiskey. He drained his first glass and filled it up. Havoc asked for a glass and poured himself a drink from Edward's bottle, ignoring the younger man's angry stare over helping himself to a bottle Edward wished to finish on his own.

"Ah, raging hormones," Havoc commented then swallowed his drink in one shot. "How I miss those days when I was young and carefree."

"Shut up," Edward grumbled.

"If you two don't play nice, I'm going to have to separate you," Havoc said pouring another drink. "Now, you've got me sounding like my old man, I hope you're happy. I never thought I'd see the day that would happen. Tell me, Ed, do I have to play the dad? I really don't want to be the one that has to explain to the Fuhrer that you killed each other over some girl."

Edward sighed knowing he was acting like a fool. But he did not like the idea of Erika being with Russell. He crossed his arms on the bar and dropped his head upon them.

"Don't get too worked up over it. You know where you are, what she does, so let it go. We'll just get drunk and pass out, then we'll leave tomorrow."

Edward nodded in agreement, hoping he could drink away the raging jealousy that was tearing through him. He lifted his head once he felt somewhat composed to keep himself from doing anything stupid.

As they sat together drinking, Edward didn't feel the usual giddiness he felt when he got drunk. He just felt a dark cloud envelope him that just got darker and darker as the evening wore on. Havoc was babbling about something. Edward didn't even bother to begin listening to the Lieutenant. He was starting to get tired of just sitting at the bar, knowing Russell was in Erika's room and brooding over that fact. He happened to look up and see Sergeant Brody leaning across the bar, pointing at a specific bottle that was on a glass shelf.

"Hey! Brody!" Edward called out interrupting Havoc's story, seeing the perfect opportunity to do something else.

Paying for his bottle Brody came over and saluted. Edward dismissed the salute.

"Do you have any specific plans tonight?" Edward asked.

"Just to get drunk," Brody said taking a swig from his bottle as he sat next to Havoc.

"I want another tattoo," Edward told him.

"Sure," Brody said, his face lighting up, always eager to leave his mark on someone. "Let's start now before I get too drunk."

The two men followed Edward to his room to the inn a couple blocks away. It took several hours for Brody to finish Edward's new tattoo on his left shoulder blade. As the night wore on Brody's eyes and hands grew less steady. When it was complete the three of them continued drinking until Brody and Havoc decided they should go back to their own rooms before they were far to wasted to walk back. Edward stayed up, finishing up what alcohol had been left behind.

With nobody around to talk to and keep him distracted, he began to pace his room, tripping over his feet every few steps. His thoughts were cloudy. No distinct idea or words formed as he paced and continued drinking. He tried to focus his mind, to reason with himself somehow through his drunken haze but it was no use. He was riding off his emotions and they had a hold of him. The only thought that formed in his head that resembled a minuscule form of reason was: _Fuck it! What does it matter? I'll probably be dead before the war is over._

He left his room and went back to see Erika.

The bar was still open but sparsely populated. Taking the stairs two at a time he went straight to Erika's room and started pounding on the door, not caring if she was alone or not. He just had to see her one more time.

It seemed to take forever for her to answer and Edward, drunk and impatient, did not realize it was two in the morning and that Erika might be asleep.

The door finally opened and Erika looked through with sleepy eyes. She was a little surprised to see Edward standing there. Her weariness melted away when the smell of alcohol reached her nose and she looked at him worriedly.

"Hey," he said swaying slightly. He put his hand out to steady himself with the doorjamb. "Did you let him in?"

"No," Erika said knowing exactly who he meant.

"Are you alone?"

"Yes," she said feeling nervous. She was glad he came back but there was something in his eyes that scared her; a determined, steely resolve to follow through with whatever decision he had come to. It was the first time she ever felt nervous around him.

"Good," he said and let himself into her room.

Erika stood aside to let him through. She turned her back on him for a moment to close the door when she felt an iron grip on her arm. She was suddenly turned around and pulled close to him, his arms wrapping around her tightly. She fell back against the door, Edward's warm lips against her own.

He pulled away from her and began to gently caress her cheek with his left hand. He pressed his forehead against Erika's, closing his eyes tight, his hand falling gently against her neck.

"Edward, are you alright?" Erika whispered her heart racing. She couldn't tell if it was from being so close to Edward or nervousness from not knowing what he was going to do and how she should react to him like this.

"Yeah," he answered, opening his eyes to look into hers. "I just wanted you to know that what you said makes sense. I don't want to think about the consequences right now."

Erika wondered why she suddenly regretted saying that to him in the first place. Before she could really understand her own reaction, Edward leaned in to kiss her again. Removing his arm he fumbled with the lock at the door. Once it was in place he bent and lifted her off her feet. Erika didn't protest as her senses screamed at his touch. His warm breath against her skin felt like electric charges, sending shock waves up and down her spine as he carried her to the bed.

She had never seen him like this. He came at her with all his raw emotions raging, sweeping over her. He completely overwhelmed her and she was completely lost to him. He was a man living for today. He was taking advantage of whatever he could with the thought that it would all be gone tomorrow; that he could be gone tomorrow. He had been so different before, following her lead the times they were together. But it was not like that. He had come at her with such intensity and firmness she couldn't help but give in to him. She was helpless in his arms but it didn't frighten her. She was surprised at first and tried to exert some control, as she usually did with him and others. She found that she couldn't, whether that was due to Edward or her own weakness for him; she didn't know. She was completely swept away by his forcefulness that she felt it was probably both.

She was lying in his arms when she felt a tear slip from the corner of her eye. She didn't mean to lose control of her emotions like that.

"Erika," Edward said worriedly sitting up to look down on her. "What's wrong? Did I do something?"

She smiled up at him to ease his concern. "No, it's nothing," she said, sitting up as she wiped the tear away hurriedly. "My eyes get teary in the morning."

"I'm sorry," Edward said not convinced. He had sobered up and was fully aware of his behavior a couple hours ago. "I shouldn't have come back."

"No," Erika said reassuringly. "I'm glad you did."

"I want to see you again," he said feeling at ease that he had not hurt her in any way. "I mean, not just for this but like in Juniper, when we went to that play. I'm leaving for Resembool today. If I hadn't promised my brother I'd stay here with you..."

"Edward, don't," Erika said stopping him with a light touch upon his lips. She didn't want to hear this; it was too hard for her. She had built up a wall to keep from being hurt and it was slowly being chipped away. If she let him continue he would destroy it completely. She had put her hopes upon someone long ago and it had led to disappointment and heartache; she would not go through that again. Her weakness for Edward was already overcoming her senses. She didn't know how long she could bear the wait before she saw him again. If she was to keep her senses and remain realistic she was going to have to do something soon.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked, moving her hand away, looking at her with hurt filled eyes.

"No," she admitted reluctantly no longer able to look him in the eye. She didn't want to admit it to him but she couldn't stand the way he was looking at her.

"But you should," she added gently, yet firm. "The trains run every hour, you can catch an early one to spend as much time as you can with your brother. You don't need to waste it here with me."

She had been the one in control all those months ago, now it was Edward and she refused to let him see what she could be reduced to; a hopeless fool that had done the one thing she had tried not to do over the past few years. She would try to regain that control even if it broke her heart.

"When I return from Resembool, before I go back to the front, I'll come to see you again."

"Please, no promises," Erika pleaded. She knew he would come back but it would be saying goodbye again and knowing where he was going that hurt the most. She was scared for him, that when he returned to the front lines that there was the possibility he could be wounded or killed and her heart contracted with the thought.

She could sense the recklessness within him. He no longer cared for his well being; that he would put himself in the line of fire to protect someone else. Even the fact that he returned she knew he didn't even care about his own reputation and was willing to throw that away. She didn't want to be the cause of any distraction for him. She preferred to let him go, without any unnecessary commitments or distractions to help increase his chance of survival. There was no way she could make him promise to be careful. How do you make a soldier promise he won't die in the middle of a war? He had enough to worry about than what he should do with some fool falling for him. Their feelings were strong for each other; that much was obvious but circumstances were not in their favor.

She would have to make him go before her resolve broke down.

"You should go now. We're not supposed to stay with anyone for so long."

When Edward left, shutting the door quietly behind him, Erika fell upon the bed and let her tears fall, crying uncontrollably into her pillow.


	35. Chapter 35

Edward went back to his room to shower and gather his things. He tried not to think about Erika or how he had just spent the last few hours. He had finally made up his mind. He would not feel any regret. If he was going to risk his life for his country he felt entitled to enjoy himself when he could.

If he wanted to smoke, he would. If he wanted to drink himself into oblivion, he would do that too. If he wanted to see Erika, he would do that as well.

He thought it strange that he didn't care how she had almost literally thrown him out of her room. He knew what she was doing; he now knew she cared for him. He was not that oblivious to how hard it was for her to say the things she did before he left. He did not make it easy on her and he had done so on purpose. He didn't know where it came from, the ability to cause such a reaction from her but he knew he could. He did it to see how much she cared for him. He knew his feelings for her; he just wanted to know her own towards him.

Edward knew what she was doing. He and his brother had practically written the book for the technique. She didn't want him to worry about her so he could focus on what he had to do during the war. It was similar to what he had done to Winry, to hide what he and his brother were doing and getting involved with while searching for the Philosopher's Stone; they didn't want her worrying about them. Mustang had even done it, hiding Maes Hughes death from them, not involving them with the planned escape of Maria Ross, Hughes accused killer, until the end. They had all done things to protect someone, to keep them from being distracted from their goal or destroying a carefully plotted escape to save an innocent person's life.

Erika's was much simpler. She was denying her own feelings for Edward so he wouldn't feel any obligation towards her and to protect herself. He decided he would let her if that's what she wanted. He had no right to sway her decisions. She was her own person, just as he was his own person. He made the decisions he felt were right for him and he would follow through with them. What Erika was doing was her way of coping and getting herself through life. He would not judge her. It didn't stop him from liking her even more so. He found they were very much alike in their stubbornness to follow through with their decisions, no matter how hard it hurt.

It did hurt. Edward almost wished he had these same feelings for Winry. Then he could have left with her to Rush Valley, stayed out of the war and not have to deal with the things he now had to work through. But he always chose the hard way and this was no different.

He was almost convinced of his decision. He was almost on the verge to go back to Erika and tell her to leave, to give her every cenz he had on him to see her go somewhere else. As much as he wanted, he couldn't. He would have to do something in return. He couldn't promise to marry her. He wasn't ready to leave with Winry to start a future together over a year ago and he still wasn't ready. He rationalized that if Erika stayed somewhere else, waiting for him to return when he could, it would be the same as what she was already doing. There would be the added bonus that she would be safe and he would have someone to come back too. But if he were killed, then what? If he did survive and he still wasn't ready to settle down after the war, where would that leave Erika if she waited around for him?

He knew there really wasn't much he could do for her. He had never been in a relationship before; he didn't know how he should act or what he should say. His inexperience was showing. But he wasn't in a relationship.

_Or am I_? He wondered. _No, _y_ou're thinking too deeply into it_, he argued. _Those were her words. She also said I should be enjoying myself and not think about the consequences._

_"Life is short and could be even shorter when you're in the middle of a war. You of all people deserve a moment to forget what is going on out there"_

Her words rang through his head. He thought it harsh how matter of fact she said it. He couldn't accept it then. There were always consequences to one's actions. But he had decided he wouldn't think of them and he was prepared for those consequences, whatever they may be.

It was getting harder to restrain his self from running back to Erika. He cared for people deeply but it was so different when it came to Erika. He liked her soothing touch; the way she felt next to him. The three days they spent together she had always seemed so strong, so sure of herself and in control. But this last time she seemed fragile, almost weak and he was always a sucker to protect someone weaker than himself. Edward needed to be distracted from thinking about Erika.

Havoc was none too happy to have Edward banging on his door to get him up and ready. But Edward needed the Lieutenant to keep him from weakening.

Edward and Havoc took the train to East City then went their separate ways from there. Edward was anxious to get to Resembool before he ended up going back to see Erika, her draw was that strong. But he couldn't break another promise to his brother and he was just as anxious to see Al again, hoping for a more joyous reunion than the upsetting goodbyes they had shared over a year ago.

The train systems had improved despite the war. Edward wondered if it was because of the war they improved. The ride to East City then to Resembool did not take as long as it used to. The following day he was in Resembool.

He stood on the edge of the train platform looking out over the gently rolling hills with the winding dirt roads. He smiled as he looked upon the simple, functional wood buildings and homes that made up the small town. It seemed like an eternity to Edward since he had last been there. He felt a wave of relief and joy to see that the town had not changed much. Stepping off the platform he made his way to Pinako Rockbell's. He didn't have to think about which way to go. His legs moved on their own.

Throughout the train ride he had mentally prepared himself for the visit. He had pushed out of his head everything that had happened in Central as well as everything else from the past year and a half. He didn't want to spoil the visit with any emotional baggage.

It was still early when his train arrived. He would have called to let the old woman and Al know when he would be arriving but he was slightly afraid of what kind of welcome he would receive. He doubted they would have gathered old friends and neighbors to welcome him back but he wanted to avoid the possibility. Besides, he liked the idea of just popping up unexpectedly like he used to. It gave him a feeling of familiarity, something he had not felt in a long time.

When he rounded the path that led to the Rockbell house, in the distance he could see old lady Pinako standing on the porch, taking in the morning air. He felt a small smile form as he walked up and watched as she recognized who was coming her way, then place her hands onto her stout hips.

"Well, young man," Pinako fumed once Edward was within earshot. "A little warning would have been nice. You're brother was called away an hour ago. If he had known you'd be here this early he wouldn't have left."

"I'll be here for three days," Edward said smiling over the usual greeting from Pinako. "We'll have plenty of time to see each other."

"I'm about to start breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Edward asked with a lopsided grin.

"You're just as tall as Al. Judging by his appetite lately, I'll assume yours is just as big. I'll tell you like I keep telling him, don't stand too close to me. My old neck can't take looking up so far."

Edward followed Pinako inside, grinning. Even though Pinako had been the one person he was always taller than, for her to notice he had grown past that point was a boost to his ego.

"Just leave your things there by the door," she instructed. "Your brother will take them to your room."

"I can do it."

"No, you are here to rest. Let us spoil you before you go back."

Edward liked the sound of that.

"Now sit and tell me what you've been up too."

Edward sat at the kitchen table while Pinako started bustling around getting breakfast ready. It wasn't long before the smells of eggs, sausage and coffee filled the room. Edward didn't feel like talking much. He just wanted to sit and savor the delicious smells as he sipped hot coffee.

"I almost didn't recognize you, Edward," Pinako said as she turned some sausages over to brown on the other side. "I thought you were a younger version of Hohenheim. You look like him, even with the short hair."

Edward had just taken a sip of coffee and spit it out.

"I didn't come here to be insulted old lady!" He shouted angrily. The last thing he wanted was to be compared to his father.

"Don't get your underwear in a bunch over it, Hohenheim Jr." Pinako shot back, unperturbed by Edward's outburst. Edward scowled over the Hohenheim Junior remark.

"He is your father after all, so don't be surprised that you end up the very image of him. One of you would have but since Al looks like Trisha, that privilege falls upon you."

Edward grumbled some more over the comparison and stopped when he thought he heard the front door open and close. He jumped out of his seat, eager to see Al. Edward went into the main room of the house and found Al hanging up his coat in the closet. He stopped for a moment to watch his younger brother.

It had been a year since they last saw each other and Al had changed a lot since then. He had filled out and the gaunt look he had in his face when he had recovered his body was gone, his usually round cheeks back as Edward remembered. His hair was cropped short, just as he always had it when they were younger and he was taller.

Edward noted that Pinako was right; they were probably the same height now. An old jealousy over his brother's advantage of height crept up on Edward and he couldn't help the first words that came out of his mouth.

"Fuck, Al. Can't you give me a break? I've finally grown so you would think I could enjoy being the tallest for a while."

Al turned around and looked at Edward in surprise, not expecting to see him so soon.

"Brother," Al said as a smile spread across his face.

Edward felt a relief that the smile was from genuine joy to see him there. They may not have resolved their differences from last year but they were still brothers and nothing could stop that.

Al rushed forward and nearly tackled Edward. He was surprised by his younger brother's strength. A year had done wonders for Al. Edward felt tears spring to his eyes as he realized that this warm, flesh and blood Al was so much better to be near than the cold, suit of armor. He buried his head into Al's shoulder and knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried. No, he could. It was when he saw Al in the flesh once again. Since then he had been like a walking zombie, letting events propel him along, slowly coming to realize what was happening to him and that he needed to do something to stop the downward spiral he was in. Everything he had been feeling over the past year and a half came pouring out.

He knew Al didn't care if he blubbered like a baby. In fact, he knew Al was probably crying too.

They stood there for a few minutes, just holding onto each other; remembering how much they had gone through and yet they were there, together. Nothing had been able to stop them from this moment. But they still had a long road ahead of them and they would be separated again. Edward felt a guilt that it was he that had instigated the separation but it wasn't as strong as he thought it would be. Deep down he knew it would have happened eventually. They would have had to grow up and begin living a life of their own.

There were roadblocks that had prevented them from enjoying their childhood together as they should have. It was their own fault that it happened, that losing out on being together as a whole was the price they had to pay. They would have to continue paying that now as they slowly drifted apart to live their own lives. But they would still have these times together, when it was just the two of them.

"You're breakfast is going to get cold," Pinako called from the kitchen.

They laughed together through their tears and finally parted.


	36. Chapter 36

"Edward, when you're done eating I'll take a look at your automail," Pinako said as she stood up to take her breakfast plate to the sink. "I'm sure you can use some maintenance and adjustments."

"Yeah, I've only had minor adjustments to lengthen my leg. But it's been modified since the last time you've seen it. Will that be a problem?" Edward asked.

"I got the specs from Winry. I may be old but I'm still an engineer. I'm sure I can manage."

"How is Winry?" Edward asked tentatively. He had written several letters to Winry since the first but never received a response. Al only wrote a quick line that she was alright but always went on about something else.

Pinako gave Al a warning look before answering.

"Busy, as we have been. The war has put our services in demand."

"Yeah," Edward said quietly, thinking of the soldiers he'd seen having limbs blown from their bodies; their screams of agony. He shut his eyes to rid the memory of those horrors. It was so easy not to think about it on the battlefield but he could not escape his dreams.

After finishing his breakfast Edward followed Pinako to her exam room for his automail maintenance. Al had been sent off to run an errand for her. Edward removed his jacket and shirt then sat down. Pinako came over wearing a pair of white, cloth gloves and started to examine his right arm.

"I think we can do the maintenance without removing the arm. That should save you from the pain of having it reinstalled. Let me see your leg."

Edward obediently pulled up his pant leg for Pinako. She looked it over carefully before announcing, "The leg can remain attached as well."

"Good," Edward said in relief. He'd stand on his head for automail adjustments if it meant not having to remove and reinstall his limbs.

"I know something happened between you and Winry," Pinako said suddenly as she began to gather her tools together.

Edward stiffened but remained tight lipped.

"I'm not going to question you about it," Pinako said and Edward relaxed a little. "I don't know what happened only that Al said you two were no longer speaking."

"Winry didn't say anything?"

"She tried when I got the specs but I wouldn't let her. I told her that was between you two. I've also told your brother to stay out of it. It's been bothering him and he wants to fix it but it's not up to him."

"It's not," Edward agreed. "Thank you for not asking."

"I'm too old to be involved with all your teenage emotions. Been there, done that. You're becoming adults now and you have to learn to work through these things on your own."

"I know," Edward sighed.

"Okay, now lie down on your stomach. Even sitting down you're too tall for me."

Edward stretched out on the exam bed and rested his head against his left arm. Pinako pulled a padded table on wheels and rested Edward's right arm on it. Settling herself, after gathering her tools to be within reach, she went back to work. Pinako continued working in silence as she removed metal plates to check for any wiring that needed replacement, cleaning the inner workings then the outer, buffing out scratches and banging out dents.

Edward had almost drifted off, soothed by Pinako's silence and the steady sounds of clanging as she worked, her hands moving quickly, when Al came in smiling and stood next to him. The smile disappeared from his face as he looked down on Edward.

"Ed!" He said in surprise, pointing at Edward's bandaged shoulder blade. "What happened? Are you alright?"

_Oh fuck!_ Edward thought. It had been sore but he had ignored the pain until he had forgotten about his latest tattoo. Before he could think of what to tell Al, his younger brother noticed the first one on his arm.

"When did you get this?" Al asked looking confused pointing at the cross with the snake entwined around it. He was torn between worry over how bad the bandaged shoulder was and surprise that Edward had permanently marked himself with a tattoo. It was out of character for his older brother.

"Alphonse," Pinako said in a warning tone.

Al seemed to wipe away the confused look from his face and not look upon Edward, perplexed. He tried to mentally prepare himself that Edward would be different but the tattoo was an outward symbol of the first of many changes to his brother. He didn't know if he was ready to accept those changes. But he wouldn't let Edward see it. Edward was there to relax; not to be judged or interrogated.

"Is there another one under the bandage?" Al asked in a more inquisitive way.

"Yeah," Edward said.

"Can I see?"

Edward hesitated before nodding his consent. Then Al carefully peeled away the bandage to look.

"It's beautiful," Al said in awe of the beautiful etching. He felt compelled to trace the drawing but stopped himself seeing it still needed to heal.

It was a much more intricate tattoo than the two Edward had already received from his Sergeant. Brody was very excited when Edward had sketched a rough outline of what he wanted. Brody's talented hand had done the rest to improve the rough sketch to give life to the lion, with its wild mane, engulfing the sun with beams of light shooting forth from the sharp canines of the beast.

The lion eating the sun was the alchemical symbol for the Philosopher's Stone, the very thing they had pursued for over four years. Al knew why Edward had chosen that particular symbol. It was not to carry his guilt around, as he had done by inscribing the date inside his pocket watch when they had burned down their home, before leaving in search of the legendary stone. It was a reminder of what the stone could do; the good and bad. That just because it offered some good, one should not be foolish enough to pursue it, no matter how alluring its power is; that there could be a heavy price to pay in the end from using it. Al also noticed that the cross with the snake was in the same place he had one while his soul was entrapped within the armor. He wondered if he was wrong, that Edward was still carrying around his guilt, just unknowingly; that he was providing himself with reminders to not fall into the trappings of the power alchemy could provide if abused; something that could easily be done in the middle of a war.

"Is it just these two?"

"No," Edward said as he stretched out his left arm. Al walked around to examine the line of script running along the inside of Edward's forearm.

"One is all," Al said to himself studying the script carefully. "All is one."

"Since when did you learn to read ancient Xerxes text?" Edward asked, his turn to be surprised.

"I've had a lot of time on my hands over the past year not having to run after you," Al told him.

"I'm sure Havoc was not so thrilled to have inherited the job," Edward joked.

"So have I been replaced by your Lieutenant in the Edward temper management department?" Al asked laughing.

"Yeah, though he's not as nice about it as you were," Edward said remembering how he was nearly choked to death by Havoc. But he knew he would have been lost without his Lieutenant and now he trusted Havoc as much as he did his own brother.

"I'm grateful he was there," Edward added thoughtfully. "He really helped me keep it together."

"I'm sorry, Brother," Al said looking at Edward sadly. "I couldn't bring myself to join. If I had I could have been there for you."

"Al," Edward said looking up at his brother. He could see the guilt that he never wanted to see in Al's eyes and knew there was nothing he should feel guilty of.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for," Edward insisted. "I'm glad you didn't go. You've been through enough. You don't need a war to add to it."

"But what about you?" Al said with the same look of sadness and guilt, not eased at all by Edward's assurances. "You've been through a lot too. Why did you...?"

"Alphonse," Pinako said her voice stern.

"I know," Al said quietly, remembering Pinako's lectures to let Edward alone and to allow him to explain when he was ready. "Brother, I'm sorry. We won't talk about it."

Edward gently pulled his arm away from Al and folded it back in front of him. He rested his head against it so he wouldn't have to look at Al and remained silent.

Al looked upon his brother as he sat silently through his automail maintenance. Al tried not to give himself away by letting the sadness he was feeling show. He could feel Edward silently pushing him aside. For over a year it felt like a huge chasm had formed in Al's heart where his brother should be. Seeing Edward again he felt whole but that momentary feeling of joy of having the hole filled in was slowly diminishing. Pinako had warned him that Edward would be himself at times then appear as a total stranger. They'd been around enough soldiers who came in for automail surgery and maintenance to see them change from happy-go-lucky to depressed and moody, then reduced to helpless, lost children. He thought he would be able to handle it; he was used to Edward and his moodiness but it wasn't like that. There wasn't just a moodiness to Edward; there was pain, hurt and fear. Edward had carried those same feelings for years since their failed human transmutation attempt but it had been doubled. Edward looked focused on the here and now but Al could sense there was a lot more pushed to the back of Edward's mind. He wanted to know what it was, to help share whatever burden Edward was carrying but he knew he couldn't press his older brother about it. He needed to provide Edward with the chance to ignore those burdens; to act like they did not exist for three days. That was all he could do for Edward until he was ready to open up to Al, who mentally promised that he would be there when Edward was ready.

Al pulled up a chair near Edward. He could deal with unanswered questions for now; he had his older brother with him. He reached out and took Edward's hand in his own. Edward smiled grateful for his brother's comforting touch and soon fell asleep.

When Edward woke up he was on his back, still lying on the exam bed with a warm blanket covering him. He thought about going back to sleep but a rumbling stomach made him change his mind. Finding his shirt he slipped it on and buttoned it up. He was about to slip his jacket back on then stopped, thinking he should have bought some new clothes. The thought of spending three days cooped up in his uniform did not sound too pleasing. He had no idea where his old stuff was but he had grown so it wouldn't have mattered. He figured he would just borrow something from Al. Leaving the exam room he went in search of his younger brother.

When he found Al, he was in the basement where a corner had been converted to provide him with a space to study and experiment. There was a chalk board with notations and half drawn transmutation circles. Opposite that pushed in a corner was a book shelf stuffed with books. Edward didn't have to guess that they were all on the subject of alchemy. Al was sitting on a stool, his back to Edward, staring up at the chalk board, lost in thought, a book held loosely in his hands.

Edward paused for a moment to watch his brother, just as he had done when Al was hanging up his coat that morning. He didn't think he would ever tire of seeing Al in the flesh. He had grown to hate the sound of the clanging from the armor Al's soul was tied to. It represented their foolish mistake to try and bring their mother back from the dead; Edward's desire to cling to the only family he had left, damning his younger brother to those long, lonely years where Al could not eat, sleep or cry. Yet, despite all that, while he was gone, fighting in trenches, when there was a facade of quiet peace Edward would find himself missing the echo of Al's voice through the empty steel and the resonance of heavy, metal footsteps on concrete. Edward, disgusted with himself, reasoned that he just missed his brother and that it would probably take some time to get used to having Al back in his own body. Edward had lived with the empty shell for five years and never once considered Al as anything but human. The armor was alive and had finally returned to its proper shape. Edward would always be grateful that he had not lost Al for good.

Coming out of his reverie he smiled and called out quietly to Al so he wouldn't surprise him.

"Hey, Al."

Al turned around and smiled back at Edward.

"Brother, you're awake. I was starting to get worried. You never go this long without eating."

"What time is it?"

"Just after three," Al said consulting a wrist watch. "You missed lunch."

"Tell me about it," Edward said feeling another complaint from his stomach.

"Granny made up a plate for you," Al said getting down from the stool and placing the book upon a desk that stood between him and Edward.

"Before I eat, do you have some clothes I can borrow? I don't want to wear this uniform the whole time. I'll end up barking orders at you like you're one of my Sergeants."

"Sure," Al said. "Come with me."

Al took Edward by the hand and led him upstairs to the first floor then to the second flight of stairs that led to his room. Edward looked down at his hand and smiled.

"Is it going to be like this while I'm here?" Edward asked in a teasing tone as he lifted his hand. He didn't mind it so much; it reminded him of when they were little. But Edward was feeling a little too old to be holding his brother's hand.

"Yes, so get used to it," Al laughed as he led Edward into the room they would be sharing. He let Edward's hand drop and started rummaging around in a chest of drawers.

"Now that I can actually feel I'm constantly touching things," Al said as he pulled out a pair of black pants and a dark gray pullover. "I have to restrain myself from actually petting people."

Edward laughed as he started to dress in the borrowed clothes.

"That's better," Al said. "You look more like my brother in regular clothes instead of the uniform."

"I thought I would be more comfortable in these," Edward said looking down at himself with a frown. "But I don't."

Edward almost felt naked without the protection of his uniform. He found it odd how he felt completely out of his element, like he didn't belong, that the only place he should be was on the battlefield or issuing orders to his troop.

"You'll get used to it," Al reassured. He noticed the dark cloud form around Edward and wanted to diffuse it before it spoiled the light mood they had been sharing.

"So what do you want to do? You have three days to do whatever you want."

"First, eat," Edward said. "Then take a look at whatever you were staring at on the chalk board."

"Good," Al said smiling, glad to see his brother's mood lightening. "I need a second opinion."


	37. Chapter 37

They spent the rest of the afternoon, then after dinner, the rest of the evening going over the equations Al was having trouble with. He had been able to incorporate Xing's style of alchemy at a basic level but he was having difficulty trying to apply and use it for medical purposes. Edward was a little stumped but together they tried to work through it.

Al's library was quite impressive and provided them with everything they needed. He was still in contact with Mei Chan, who had long ago given up on finding immortality and decided that her clan would have to work harder to establish themselves as a strong family to be recognized by the Xing emperor. She would send notes and books to help but Al was still having problems. He knew he was losing something in the translation between the two cultures. But he was determined.

As they worked they talked, though mostly Al did the talking. He wanted to combine the two forms of alchemy but he didn't always have the time to study. He was constantly called away by either the station master for railroad problems or the foremen from the mines that were on the outskirts of Resembool. He was starting to get requests from mines as far away as Youswell and had received a letter from a mine in the west. Now that fighting had stopped, production was no longer on hold and to get the mines up and running quickly, they wanted the expertise of a talented young alchemist to help fortify the tunnels that had been damaged from the bombardments that went back and forth between Amestris and Creta.

"I think they'd rather have you," Al said putting down his pencil and rubbed his eyes sleepily. "But since you're busy they have to settle with me."

"You were always better at alchemy than me. Hell, you're better at most things than I am."

"True," Al said with a smirk agreeing a little too quickly for Edward's tastes.

"So this morning, who called you away?"

"The station master," Al said. "Normally when there are repairs needed they like to handle it themselves, just in case I'm not around and not be so dependant on an alchemist, but they were in a hurry. The morning train was coming."

"Then I should be thanking you little brother," Edward said. "That was my train."

"It was, wasn't it? I didn't realize that at the time."

"So what was wrong?"

"Metal is a hot commodity right now, with the war and the military desperate to keep their weapons plants operating non-stop. That puts a lot of stress on the mines and they try to keep up but there are some shady people who think they're doing their by providing the production plants with metal, no matter where it comes from. They'll take metal from wherever they can, even rails. Most of the rails are patrolled but there are a lot of miles to be constantly watched and the military can't spare the man power to do so and rails end up being taken. If not taken then they get pretty bent up from the attempts."

"I had no idea all that was happening."

"Well, you have other things you should be worrying about. Let us worry how we'll supply you with what you need to fight the war. You just concentrate on protecting yourself and driving out the Drachmans so we don't have to put up with this much longer."

Edward smiled. It was the first words of acceptance from his brother that he had received since leaving to fight.

"I can see your interest in incorporating Xing's alchemy," Edward said a few minutes later rubbing his eyes that were tired from reading so much. "But why go through all this trouble? What's wrong with our own?"

"Now that the original homunculus, Father, is no longer maintaining our alchemy, our real Father had to develop a way for us to keep using it. I'm just not comfortable with the idea of Amestris still sitting atop an active transmutation circle. It's been modified so it can't be activated to create a Philosopher's Stone but if someone gets wind of it and tries to do something while the whole country is occupied with the war, it wouldn't be good."

"But who is good enough to figure that out," Edward pointed out. "I understand your concern but all the best alchemists are fighting or here in Resembool."

Al smiled from the compliment before answering.

"I know but I don't think we should leave it as it is. Our alchemy is dependant on the new circle and I'd rather it not be on something that could be potentially dangerous. We've had enough trouble as it is."

"Tell me about it," Edward agreed.

"So I'm hoping to incorporate the two forms of alchemy and if successful I'd like to open a school or a university."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Not a school just for alchemy but for all subjects and I'd like to open it close to Resembool, to bring some life back to our sleepy little town."

"I like it sleepy," Edward said.

"I do too, but it could use a boost. I've been working on a teaching degree. Did you know we missed out on over five years of school? Do you know how far behind we are?"

"Who cares? School was boring."

"That was because we had other things on our mind when we stopped going. So I'm catching up, then I'll get a teaching credential and perhaps teach here at the local school house. The current teacher wants to retire in a couple of years."

"Are you sure you have enough time to eat and sleep?" Edward asked realizing that Al sure had a lot of activities he was involved in.

"I've gotten used to not sleeping much," Al said.

"So how come you didn't mention all this in your letters?" Edward wondered. "Especially why you were trying to blend Xing and Amestris' alchemy."

"We needed something to talk about when you came to visit," Al joked. "I didn't want my reasons to end up in the wrong hands if I wrote to you about it. I know Mustang is in charge now but there could still be some loyal to the old Generals and King Bradley who are only lying low to save their own skins. I think if they had the opportunity to strike they would and I don't want to give them something that could be used against the current military regime."

"Makes sense," Edward said thoughtfully. "Is that why you didn't tell me you had the Philosopher's Stone?"

"Yes," Al said guiltily. "But when Marcoh gave it to me we weren't speaking then. When we were I was too busy trying to convince you not to accept the promotion."

The two of them sat in silence. Neither of them wanted to relive those months of brutal silence but it still weighed heavily upon their minds. Al still wanted an answer from Edward, why he left to fight but he could tell by his silence he wasn't ready to give it.

"I was tempted to give you the stone to use," Al said quietly.

Edward looked up at his brother in shock. "Why?"

"To protect yourself when you're fighting but I knew I shouldn't and that you wouldn't take it when I saw the tattoo on your shoulder."

"You're right. I wouldn't have taken it."

There was so much he had done without the stone with just his alchemy that he was ashamed of. Even without alchemy he had done quite a bit. Even though he felt the Drachmans deserved whatever they had coming to them, he would not want anything to do with the stone. The power could easily corrupt someone and he did not want to be tested because he knew, after all he had seen during the war, that he would abuse the power of the stone to protect the men under his command.

"Anyways, I doubt its power now. Marcoh used it to help those four soldiers that were chimeras who ended up working with us. Jerun, Zanpano …"

"Donkey Kong and Lion King!" Edward exclaimed, remembering how the two former Kimbley guards had helped him find a doctor after being critically wounded in a fight with the Crimson alchemist and how they stuck around, calling him kid one too many times. But he was eternally grateful they were there at the time. "I haven't thought of those guys in awhile."

"Their names are Darius and Heinckel but yes, those two are no longer chimeras."

"How are they all doing?"

"I don't know. They disappeared. Marcoh said they were grateful to be back to normal and they wanted a taste of freedom. They didn't want to be tied to the military after being used as lab rats and dogs on tight leashes."

"The military's not like that anymore," Edward said softly. Or so he hoped. He wouldn't have stayed if it was. But that was not his reason for staying Edward remembered. He had left to runaway from his problems and only later did his reason change to want to help drive the Drachmans out of their country. He hoped the military would no longer be involved in human experiments now that Mustang was Fuhrer. But he thought about what Al said; that there could still be supporters of Bradley's regime, who did not care about anything but power. If they decided to rise against Mustang, would they be able to stop them? Would Mustang know everything that was going on within the military? The Fuhrer always seemed to be one step ahead of things but his attention was split now with reestablishing the military and running two battlefronts. Al couldn't tell if Edward was trying to convince himself or defending the military that he was now a part of. Looking at his brother, who was lost in thought, Al didn't want him to question his actions anymore than he probably already did.

"It's late," Al said checking his watch. "We should get some sleep and come back to this tomorrow."

Edward nodded in agreement as he quietly closed the book he had been reading.

That night Edward slept fitfully. He was somewhat aware of his dreams and the tossing and turning. He tried to wake himself up to keep from calling out but his dreams had a stranglehold on him. He was finally able to wake after some not so gentle shaking from Al and urgent whispering for Edward to wake up, that it's only a dream. Edward woke with a start and sat up, his heart pounding and his borrowed pajamas soaked in sweat. He pulled his knees against his chest and lowered his head, trying to calm his wildly beating heart. Al looked upon his brother worriedly but knew that last thing Edward wanted was to talk about the dream, so he sat on the edge of the bed with his arm around Edward's shoulder.

"I'll be alright," Edward said a few minutes later once he calmed down.

"Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

Edward lay back down and turned his back towards Al, who reluctantly went back to his own bed, looking at Edward sadly.

Edward woke the next morning, or actually, the next afternoon. He got up, borrowed some more clothes and showered. Heading downstairs he could hear Pinako with a client. Instead of disturbing her, Edward went to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. As he ate a sudden craving for a cigarette grabbed hold of him; he had gone one full day without one and he was feeling it. Hoping his brother was busy in the basement he quietly went back upstairs for his stash. Not wanting to smell up any room in the house he grabbed his overcoat, went back downstairs then outside to the back of the house. Being out in the cold fresh air of winter was refreshing so as he lit a cigarette he decided to walk to the river.

He was just finishing off his second cigarette, sitting along the riverbank when he heard someone call out to him.

"Brother."

Edward had just put the cigarette to his lips and froze not knowing how he was going to explain this new habit he had picked up to Al. There was no way to hide it. Al had just come from over the rise that led to the river's edge, Edward smoking in plain view.

"I thought you'd be here. I just didn't expect to find you here smoking."

"Well, when there are no Drachmans to kill all we have to do is smoke and get tattoos," Edward said sarcastically.

"I don't care about all that. I admit I'm surprised to see how much you changed but please don't feel like you have to hide things from me."

"I'm not hiding anything. But what was I supposed to do? Make an announcement that I was going out for a smoke?"

"Don't get so defensive."

"I'm sorry," Edward said sighing, then with a sly grin offered one to Al.

"Want to try one?" Edward asked, holding a cigarette out to Al. "You get used to it after the first."

"No, thanks," Al said smiling.

"If you want to blame someone for the smoking and the tattoos, that would be Havoc," Edward said lighting the cigarette for himself.

"So he's the one that's corrupted my brother?"

"It was all just part of getting the men in my command to trust me. There's more to being an officer than just smoking and getting a few tattoos but it helped. I feel like I'm one of them now instead of the Fuhrer's pet who only got promoted because I was a big show-off."

"Brother," Al said sounding nervous. "How bad is it?"

"It's bad," Edward said staring off at the river, watching the quiet, lazy flow of the water. It was so strange for him to be around something so peaceful yet to know that miles away men were dying.

"The first two weeks were the worse, with the constant artillery fire. It drove me crazy but you get used to it after a while and when it stops the silence is just as bad. Then I start to think that something is wrong with me, that I wish the Drachmans would just do something, anything and when they do they're just a bunch of fucking bastards! When you think they'll do one thing they turn around and do the opposite. We're barely able to keep up with them. The things they do… it's like they're not human. They throw their own men to be slaughtered and the things they've done in the north…"

Edward paused to control himself. He was getting angry and the horrifying images he'd seen over the past year were coming back.

"Your dream last night, is that what it was about?"

"Probably. I don't always remember what they're about. I only get them when I'm on leave and when I wake up it's just like last night. I can only recall bits and pieces until I've forgotten then I fall back to sleep."

Al sat quietly watching his brother who continued looking off at the river. He didn't mean to bring back any awful memories Edward had but he also wanted to know what his brother was going through. He wanted to help but he didn't want Edward to feel pressured and knew it would take time to get him to open up about everything. Al was going to have to find something else for them to talk about.

"So who is Erika, or have you forgotten?"

Edward had just put his cigarette to his mouth and inhaled too deeply, setting off a coughing fit. Al started laughing as Edward fought to regain his composure.

"No, I haven't forgotten," Edward said when he managed to get some fresh air into his lungs, wondering how he was going to explain who Erika was. He wasn't ashamed of his feelings for her; it was just a matter of how they met that troubled him. He knew he didn't have to go into details of everything that happened but the fact that he had almost killed her… it was that part of their meeting that Edward found hard to talk about because he hated to think about it.

"Well, who is she? When did you meet her? She has to be special if you're saying her name in your sleep," Al asked curiously. This was the first time he'd known of Edward having any interest in a girl. He had always suspected that Winry had deeper feelings for Edward and that one day he would catch on and feel the same. But that didn't look like it would happen and Al was curious what this other girl was like to have caught Edward's attention.

"I met her in Juniper almost a year ago. She's a refugee from the north."

"And..."

"And I saw her again in Central."

"Do you like her?"

"Yes."

"Alphonse, I'm so glad you're still here!"

Edward and Al turned to see a young girl rushing towards them. Edward was relieved to have their conversation disrupted. He barely understood where he stood with Erika and he wasn't used to talking about girls with his brother. He also didn't want to let slip any of his other extra curricular activities that involved other women. He had shocked his brother enough; he didn't want to give Al a heart attack.

"Hi Gloria," Al said getting up. "What's wrong?"

The girl stopped before Al and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Her round cheeks were flush from running and bits of hair had come loose from her ponytail.

"My dad sent me to find you," Gloria said after catching her breath. "Someone has tried to take more rails further down the track and a train is due."

"Ed," Al said turning to his brother. "I'll be right back."

"Should I come to help?"

"No, no, I can handle it. You just stay here and relax," Al said as he followed Gloria to the train station running.

Edward decided he liked that idea. Al was fully capable and to have someone else deal with a crisis was a nice change. Edward laid out flat on the cold ground, wrapping himself up in his coat, lazily smoking his cigarette. He just wanted to clear his head but all he could think about was Erika; not everything he had just learned from his brother but a girl with soft lips and pretty hazel eyes. Getting up, he grounded out his cigarette and went back to the house deciding there was a phone call he had to make.

* * *

In the manga Ed only referred to one of the chimeras that ended up working with him, Darius, as Donkey Kong in the translation I read. I think if he had the chance he would have called the other guy, Heinckel, Lion King since he was part lion. ;)

I guess I should have put a spoiler alert on the first chapter of this story but as you've seen I don't leave many author's notes so here's the warning: Possible Spoilers! Also some made up spoilers.


	38. Chapter 38

When Al returned a couple hours later he found Edward in the basement reading. He almost didn't want to disturb his brother who was deeply engrossed in the book. It reminded Al of the hours they spent in the library those years they were together searching for the Philosopher's Stone. Edward was always so intense and concentrated that the only thing that could tear him away was an empty stomach. But those times Edward was still so innocent of so much. Looking at him now, with his short hair, the way he carried himself with his shoulders back, the borrowed clothes which did not seem to suit him, no gloves, Al couldn't help but feel that he had lost his brother; that the person at the table reading was someone else. As a State Alchemist, Edward had held the rank of Major but was never tied to follow the strict code of the military. But now Edward was a true officer, a Lieutenant Colonel with men under his command that looked to him for direction, while at the same time Edward had to follow his own orders from his superior officers; Edward had more than just Al to answer to. Edward's stern demeanor at times would definitely take some getting used to. He still had that cocky smile and rude attitude but watching Edward, Al couldn't help but feel like he had to salute his own brother.

He missed the temper tantrums, braided hair, the red coat, the traveling together but he had to get used to the fact that those days were over. If he wanted to keep Edward close he was going to have to accept these changes. He knew there was more but he wouldn't worry about it. As long as Edward remained in touch and Al got to see him then that was enough.

_This is what it's like to grow up_, Al thought. _You have to accept change and learn to let go._

It was difficult but if he was to get through the toughest part he was going to have to be strong. There were a lot more people who depended upon Edward than just his little brother now.

Not even the thought of the war ending could give Al any comfort. Deep down he had a feeling that it would not end Edward's career in the military, that it would keep them separated.

After watching Edward for a couple of minutes Al convinced him to have some dinner. Not wanting to wear Edward out with too much studying they went out onto the front porch after they ate. It was a chilly night but neither seemed to mind as they huddled in their coats, Edward smoking. They talked trying to keep it lighthearted. Edward seemed unusually loquacious suddenly.

"So who was that girl?"

"Gloria? Why? Are you interested? Forgetting about Erika already?" Al teased as he flipped through the notebook of Sergeant Brody's sketches that Edward brought along, holding it up to use the bright porch light to get a better look at certain drawings.

"No," Edward said defensively. "I just ask because I don't remember her."

"We went to school together but she was shy, she didn't really talk to anyone. Not so much anymore. Her father is the station master."

"I think I do remember that he did have a daughter."

Al placed the notebook down when he was done. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Edward's profile. He seemed eager to be talking about something, anything that would not put them on any kind of emotional roller coaster. Al was only too happy to oblige.

"So tell me something that you haven't written in your letters," Al said to keep the conversation going.

"Let me see," Edward said mulling over the past year. "Well, there's one thing I've noticed that's been a nice change. You know how the state military was not always trusted, like in Youswell; how I was thrown out when they found out I was a State Alchemist."

"How can I forget?" Al laughed.

"Well, it's not like that anymore. People actually stayed in Juniper and North City despite the bombings and the Drachmans being so close. There were troupes of actors that put on plays, cafes stayed open as long as possible," Edward described, intentionally leaving out how barrooms too were the one place that stayed open the longest. "They were there for us. When we marched to our post, those who stayed behind to farm their land would offer us something to eat and drink, waving at us. This one girl actually gave me... oh shit!"

"What?"

"I lost it."

"Lost what?" Al asked looking confused.

"The yellow ribbon. It was in the pocket of my old uniform which has probably been incinerated by now. Fuck, it was a gift."

"Ribbon? Was it from Erika?"

"No, someone else," Edward said not realizing how that could sound. He was more concerned that he had lost something that was like a good luck charm. He wasn't superstitious but he was ashamed that he had forgotten something that was a gift from someone that had put her hopes upon him. To him it was a symbol of not just the girl, but the people of Amestris that looked to him and the military to save their country.

"Someone else!" Al exclaimed. "Ed, how many girls have you met?"

"No, not like that," Edward said offended, finally understanding how it looked. "We were marching by a farm house and this girl asked if we wanted to stop for some cider. She was scared of the Drachmans and she gave me the ribbon to wish me luck."

"Oh," Al said quietly.

Edward didn't know why it disturbed him as much as it did. Sure he was able to fight without it but he wondered if it meant he really had been losing himself; losing his focus on why he was fighting. It had been all about survival the last few months, to hold their ground, to keep from losing too many men, the people they were fighting for pushed to the background. Perhaps it was seeing Al again, seeing his old hometown that reminded him of the ribbon; that he needed to remember what he was really fighting for, and not just repeating his reasons without any true meaning behind it. There was also a little of the soldier's superstition that his own men had, that he scoffed at, but was probably now becoming a part of him subconsciously since he had held onto the ribbon. A blood chilling fear he only felt once in his life, after watching Scar, the alchemist serial killer, murder someone in front of him. He could not get his legs to move at the time and now it felt like his heart stopped beating for a minute. There was a sense of dread that he couldn't shake off like he was finally able to do then.

"Are you okay?" Al asked worriedly, looking at his brother who had gone pale right before his eyes. "Edward?"

"Yeah," Edward whispered.

"You're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"Silly superstition."

"Tell me."

"It's weird. I was more afraid of going to fight in a war, what it would involve and looking like a fool in front of my men than the fact that I could actually be killed. Since then I've often thought of my own death but I never feared it until now."

"Please, don't talk about that now."

He looked at his brother and saw that Al was on the verge of tears but that didn't stop Edward.

"Why not? It's the truth," he said harshly. "It's something that could happen. Why should we pretend it won't?"

"It's not pretending. It's avoiding it because I think about it everyday and I haven't since you've been here. Let me enjoy the relief I've been feeling these last two days that I don't have to worry."

Edward felt even more ashamed of himself. Also angry and frustrated that he couldn't keep his mouth shut and maintain some control over his emotional outbursts. He was not making this visit a very enjoyable experience for either of them. Just because he had issues adjusting to a few days peace without wondering if he'd be the next to be blown up by an artillery shell didn't mean he had to make his brother cry over it, when he'd been doing so over the past year and needed a break from it.

Edward put his arm around Al's shoulders, knowing that's what Al needed more than a verbal apology. His younger brother leaned his head against the hard, cold steel shoulder, covered by the rough overcoat, ignoring how uncomfortable it was but just grateful that it was there because it meant Edward was still there for him.

They finally went to bed and Edward actually slept peacefully through the night. The next morning they woke and decided to visit their mother's grave. After some breakfast they made their way to the graveyard. They laid out fresh flowers and sat together, next to the gravestone in silence for a few minutes.

"I come here to read your letters," Al said. "I read them out loud for mom. Gloria found me here and I was afraid she'd think I was crazy but she understood. She has an older brother fighting too."

"I didn't know the station master had a son."

"He's a lot older than us and left to join the military before we were old enough to remember. He's a Captain stationed in the south."

"Mom would be upset with me knowing I left you, wouldn't she?" Edward asked suddenly.

"No, she would have understood. If things had turned out differently and she was alive, you probably would have volunteered. Resembool was deeply affected by the eastern rebellion and having experienced that you would have wanted to help others to prevent their own towns going through the same thing with the Drachman invasion."

"But do you think Drachma would have invaded?"

"No, perhaps not," Al said thoughtfully. "There wouldn't have been anything left of Amestris. It would have been free for the taking; for Drachma, Creta and Aerugo. But would the whole country have been destroyed, or just the points that connected on the transmutation circle?"

"Hmmmm," Edward said thinking through that possibility. "If everyone wasn't made into a Philosopher's Stone they would have been vulnerable. Once Briggs was destroyed to activate the circle I'm sure the Drachmans wouldn't have wasted time to invade. But they would have had to come against the homunculi army."

"Homunculi army? What homunculi army?" Al asked in astonishment. This was something he had not heard of before.

"If you were talking to me you would have known," Edward teased but then continued seriously. "The military had an army of created humans ready for a batch of souls to move them. General Armstrong told us about them and once Bradley was defeated Mustang destroyed them all. It was after destroying them that all the top General's that were still left clamoring for power gave up and eventually disappeared. The power struggle wasn't just for control of the military in place but for a mindless army that would follow orders without questioning."

Al put his face in his hands, hardly believing this new revelation. "What is wrong with people?!"

"It's all over now. We just have to clean up the mess Bradley's regime left behind."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Al moaned. "All this time I felt like you accepted the promotion to get away from me, that you were ashamed of breaking your promise."

"But I did," Edward said sheepishly.

"But don't you see it wasn't just that. It's so obvious now. That was what drove you initially but I know deep down you also left because you didn't want such things to happen to our country ever again. Being in the military was the place for you to make sure of that."

"I'm not that noble, Al."

"You are, you just don't always see it. You were driven by selfishness but you were sacrificing yourself for the rest of the country so you'll see to it that everyone but you lives in peace. It was the same when we were searching for the stone. Two opportunities arose that we could have just taken the stone for ourselves but we didn't. We were on a selfish mission but we let the stone alone."

"But the stone Cornello had was just a cheap fake that backfired on him."

"Remember what we said too, about Nina, that we could save poor girls like her by learning more alchemy. But really, the best way is to keep experiments like that from ever happening."

"So what's your point?"

"I'm saying you'll never leave the military."

"That's ridiculous. Once the war is over that's it for me. You should be happy I'll be leaving."

"I would but you won't leave. It's already a part of you. I can see it. You decided a long time ago to devote your life to the military to ensure peace for Amestris unknowingly."

Edward got up and walked away. Al stood up and went after his brother.

Edward didn't want to think Al was right but he felt it was true. What was he to do after the war? He had already spent so much time worrying about his own opportunities for promotion. He realized he was making plans to remain in the military. Besides, what did he have to look forward to when the war was over? The one girl he had thought he could possibly settle down with if he survived had disappeared. On his way back to the front he would only have a couple hours to spend in Central and he wanted to spend that time with Erika. After a few misdirected calls to get a hold of the barroom he had learned she had left without word where she was heading to. He didn't think he'd ever see her again. Edward didn't want to think about that now. He didn't want to think about anything. He was just annoyed that he was read like a book without knowing he had been so obvious; without knowing his own actions.

"Brother, please, don't be upset."

"I'm not," Edward sighed.

"You know you don't have to. Mustang will let you resign your commission if you want. It's still up to you."

"I know."

"I'll always be here for you no matter what you decide."

Al knew he shouldn't have pronounced that Edward would remain in the military as fact, that it wasn't completely decided. He would not be surprised and he would not judge or condemn Edward if he chose to stay in the military. He hoped his older brother would eventually leave but he would accept whatever Edward chose.

Edward smiled. "I know."

They walked back to Pinako's. It wasn't a strained silence as they walked back. It was a concentrated silence of what their futures held for them. They were still in control; they were no longer being manipulated as the homunculi had done during their search for the Philosopher's Stone. There was still a choice but as to what that choice would be and what it could mean, neither of them knew.

"Oh, there's something else I've been meaning to tell you," Al said suddenly.

"What's that?"

"You don't have to send me half your pay," Al said smiling. "I'm doing fine on my own helping Granny and the mines pay me well."

"You're getting too old for your older brother to take care of you?"

"No, but I am capable of taking care of myself."

"I don't know what to do with it. Save it to invest in your school."

"Okay," Al said smiling. "I'll name it after you. The Edward Elric School of Conceited Alchemists."

"How about the School of There's No Way in Hell You Can Be As Great As the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"I'll be the one exception to that."

It was early morning as Edward stood on the train platform with Al. The steam of the engine added to the fog that had drifted in from the river. It was cold and Edward smoked to keep himself from shivering so much as he waited to board. There was a pull that Edward felt that compelled some eagerness in him to want to hear the call for passengers to begin boarding. He was ashamed of the need to want to hurry back to his troop and he tried to hide it from his brother. He loved his brother and he would miss Al but going so long without the familiar protocol of military life was starting to make Edward jumpy from inactivity. That just upset him more after Al's announcement that he would probably end up staying in the military.

The boarding call finally went out over the hushed station. There were only a couple of other people waiting to board the early morning train. Edward was grateful for the sparsely populated station. As an officer he didn't want a lot of people to witness it if he suddenly broke down in tears like he did when he saw his brother upon his return.

Edward turned to Al and found him crying. Edward took his younger brother in his arms and whispered in his ear.

"I'll be okay. I won't do anything too reckless."

Al laughed. "Promise?"

"I promise."

"It's a hard promise to accept. You're concept of recklessness is completely different from someone else. You always did go for the extreme."

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I'll write as soon as I return to my troop."

"Okay," Al said holding Edward tighter, then blurted out without even thinking. "I don't care that you kept the automail."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes," Al after a slight hesitation. "Will you tell me why you did?"

"I think so. One day."

Edward parted from Al and took his pack that his younger brother had carried for him.

"Bye," Edward said before turning to board the train.

"Bye, Brother," Al sniffled with a small wave.

Edward settled himself at a window seat and watched his brother, trying to keep sight of him through the thickening fog and steam. As the train pulled away from the station, Edward waved and received one in return from Al.

As Al's figure disappeared from view Edward sat back in relief. His brother's forgiveness had given him some comfort but not enough. He noticed the slight hesitation from Al before answering but Edward would take it. He knew he didn't deserve full forgiveness yet, he still had to answer for breaking the promise but at least Al was giving him the time he needed before he would be able to confess.

Edward didn't understand why it was so hard to tell Al. He had been able to tell Havoc who wasn't related to him in any way and really didn't need to know. Perhaps it was a way of testing the waters, to know that the means he had implemented to get Al's body was not really so awful; that if Havoc saw no problem with it than perhaps Al wouldn't. But there was still some innocence left in Al and for Edward to take that away with his revelation that he had used a live human to get Al's body back; Edward couldn't do that. They had felt a deep guilt when they learned of the death of Hughes, who had been trying to help them. They didn't want people to be sacrificing themselves for their search of something to help fix their stupid mistake. Edward wondered if he was conceited to think that Al would regret having his body back if he knew how it was done; that Edward had sacrificed his conscience to do so.

Edward closed his eyes, willing his troubling thoughts away. He would just concentrate on the positive of his visit and what he had to look forward to when he returned to his troop; which wasn't much he decided. A whole lot of preparations, with a sad brother left behind and no Erika to see when he stopped over in Central. He wished more than anything he was back with his troop. He longed for the distraction of ordering people around. If he was to ever adapt to a normal civilian life, it was going to take a lot for him to do so. A whole lot more than it took him to adjust to the military.

When he reached East City a dejected looking Havoc joined him on the station platform, where they would wait for the train heading to Central.

"There is definitely something wrong with us if we're so anxious to go back and get our heads blown off," Edward said as Havoc sat down next to him on a waiting bench, knowing exactly how the Lieutenant was feeling.

"Well, let's just keep that between ourselves." Havoc said letting his pack drop next to his feet. "I told my parents I didn't want to leave but I had too out of duty. Don't tell them I lied."

"You're lie is safe with me if mine is safe with you."

"Let's smoke on it," Havoc said reaching for a cigarette. He lit it, inhaled and handed it to Edward who then took a hit before giving it back.

"Back to business then," Edward said getting a smirk from Havoc.


	39. Chapter 39

"Ed, come on. You need all the alchemists you can get. I can be more help on the front line."

This was not what Edward had been anxious to return for.

"And I also need you with the engineers."

"You know I'm more than capable. Why are you holding me back?"

Edward was definitely not ready for this.

"I thought that was obvious."

"Look, Fletcher will be fine," Russell said exasperated.

"Sure he will. But what happens if you're killed. Then what?"

"You put yourself in the line of fire and you've got Al worrying about you."

"That's enough. I've already given you my answer. Dismissed."

"But Ed..."

"I said you're dismissed," Edward said standing up.

Russell left Edward's command tent and bumped into Havoc on his way out without apologizing.

"What's wrong with him?" Havoc asked not too concerned about the lack of an apology.

"He's disappointed he won't be going to the front to be killed," Edward said sitting back down heavily on a small folding chair. In front of him was a rickety table that was covered with paperwork that he had been working on before Russell interrupted.

"He could be useful. He's a good alchemist," Havoc said as he straightened out the paperwork Edward had already signed.

"He would. But I don't want to put him in danger when he has a younger brother waiting for him."

"Like you," Havoc added innocently.

"Fuck you."

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Havoc asked unconcerned whether he did or not.

"I know what you were trying to get at."

"All this nobleness and self sacrifice is nice to protect someone but you have to be realistic. We can use all the alchemists we can get. Anyways, that's my lecture for the day. Brigadier General Locke wants to see you."

"What the fuck does that bastard want? I've only been back two hours and I've got everyone badgering me," Edward complained irritably as he stood up to leave.

"You need to calm down."

"You need to make sure Russell stays the fuck away from me for awhile."

"Now is it because he's really being a nuisance or is it resentment over what happened in Central? I don't think his request is all that awful."

"Fine," Edward said trying to calm himself. It was partial jealousy and he knew he was being ridiculous because in the end Erika had chosen him over Russell. But Erika could have lied but he knew that was impossible, that Russell would have gloated and bragged about it. When Russell was in the tent, he barely looked Edward in the eye.

"I'll think about his request. Maybe after we break through the Drachman lines I'll think of something else for him to do."

"Hey," Havoc said stopping Edward before he left the tent, studying him. "What's really going on? I've seen you tense but you've been able to handle it."

"Erika disappeared. I've left my brother alone again. Russell is a major pain in the ass with a death wish and now I've got to deal with a Brigadier General that hates my ass. This tent is too damn big, I don't know what to do with it and I don't know what to do with the extra men placed under my command."

"Oh, is little Edward starting to buckle under pressure?" Havoc asked without much sympathy for Edward's plight. "Boohoo. Do you know how many officers would kill to take your place? Do you want to hand your command over to Tringum?"

"Fuck, no."

"Then suck it up. This is what happens when you try to prove yourself. You do it too well and your superior's take advantage of it by relieving themselves of a little pressure and put the burden upon you. I thought you were past the mental breakdowns and the teenage hissy fits."

"This is hardly an encouraging pep talk. More like a psychological beat down," Edward grumbled.

"That seems to be the only way to get through to you sometimes."

"What if I put Russell in charge of the medical team along with the engineers? That puts him in the middle of action like he wants. He can protect them as they do their work. Knowing the Drachmans, their bastard enough to target medics to rid us of people that could save a few lives."

"That's a pretty good idea," Havoc said looking impressed. "I wonder why I didn't think of it?"

"Because I'm the brains and you're just hired muscle."

"Yeah, well just don't forget who helped you get to this point."

"I'll be sure to thank Sergeant Brody for his loyal support," Edward grinned before he walked out of his tent. Leave it to Havoc to sense his moodiness and knock some sense into him with a little verbal abuse. It helped and Edward's irritation melted as he made his way through the bustling encampment to meet with Locke.

Edward had to sidestep troops of men as they ran through drills or marched to relieve the troops at the front. Orders were shouted here and there to stay in line or to get out of the way of any oncoming vehicles that sloshed through the mud delivering supplies. By the time Edward entered the command tent of Brigadier General Locke, he was muddy but hardly noticed because everyone else looked just as bad.

Locke's tent was much bigger and much busier than Edward's own. There was a squawking communications console with wires streaking out in every direction. If one got too close a wire would mysteriously wrap itself around someone's foot like a wild, man eating vine, wrapping around its prey. A couple of officers were in the midst of untangling themselves. There were several tables covered in maps and in the very far back corner was Locke's sleeping cot that looked un-used. Edward started to think how nice it would be if he had a tent this big suddenly. His own wasn't all that big like he complained. It held a cot and a tiny table to sit at to eat and fill out paperwork. When he arrived back to the encampment it was a shock to find his own command tent along with two more squads, a second Lieutenant added to his troop along with a medical team of three. He had no chance to wrap his head around these new developments before Russell came barging in with his demands.

Within the larger command tent there were about ten other officers milling around the tables and the Brigadier General. Two had silver pocket watches but wore the rank of Lieutenant Colonels; there were a couple of Captains and Majors and four more Lieutenant Colonels, all non-alchemists.

"Elric," Locke said as Edward approached and saluted. "Now that you're here we can get started. This is the first phase of our offensive. It's important that the timing is correct on this. Everyone gather round."

Edward was afraid of another scene like he witnessed in North City but Locke didn't make eye contact him. Edward didn't care. If he could get through the meeting without hearing any _Fuhrer's Pet_ or _Mustang's Loyal Dog_ references he'd be a happy camper.

Locke wasted no time getting into details. He seemed very eager to get the ball rolling, not just for the meeting but for the Amestrian main offensive to start.

There would be a planned preliminary bombardment that would go on for ten days. The Drachmans would be distracted by staying low and taking cover while at the same time busying themselves to repair the damages to their trenches. Since the Drachmans would be distracted, on the tenth day of the bombardment each of the officer's troops would sneak out into the area that had been called No Man's Land, the deserted stretch of lonely destruction that separated the Amestris and Drachman lines. Each troop had their position they were to hold close to the Drachman lines in shell holes as they waited for the bombardment to stop. When it did they were to attack.

As they launched their attack, tunnels, which had been dug under the Drachman lines and filled with explosives, would be in place and would also go off simultaneously. It was enough of a distraction for the initial small force attacks to take out much of the front lines, make quick repairs as most of the troops had alchemists or the commander's themselves were alchemist, then hold position for a full force attack that would come up behind them.

"Only send one alchemist," Locke said his eyes dead serious. "If you're an alchemist, then that's it," he continued. "I don't want to lose the new alchemists that have recently joined our ranks. Many are still untested and I only want the more experienced ones to go out so a couple of squads from each command will be left behind."

_Sure it sounds simple_, Edward thought. _And Locke seems so sure of this plan_. But Edward was concerned with the number of men he could lose as he snuck out to take position an arms length away from the Drachmans. What if the Drachman's decided to attack despite the Amestrian bombardment? What about badly aimed shells? It was the middle of winter and No Man's Land was a muddy wasteland that was ready to slurp up unsuspecting legs into the thick suffocating mud. Men could get caught on the barbed wire that was to be left in place so the Drachmans would not suspect anything. Plus, they would be going out at night. If it was cloudy they wouldn't be able to see their hand in front of their face. They would be left vulnerable. But if they couldn't survive and take out the first line, secure their position; then the attack would fail and they would be at a stalemate, the bombardment a waste of resources.

Edward didn't care for the plan but it wasn't like he had a better idea. This was the better idea but it was going to be difficult with coordinating the bombardment and men maintaining their patience and holding their ground before attacking.

When the meeting was over, Edward left and found Havoc waiting for him.

"Russell will be disappointed with these turn of events."

"Why is that?" Havoc asked.

Edward gave him a quick summary of the plan.

"Good luck with that," Havoc commented.

Edward made sure he wasn't alone with Russell when he broke the news. He had a meeting of his own to go over the plans and to officially introduce the new Second Lieutenant. Kestrel was his name. He was a year younger than Havoc and according to his profile, that Edward hadn't finished reading yet, but what he did get to read was that Kestrel was an excellent sharpshooter and received glowing praise from the military academy for a sharp mind with tactics. He had come from a western division that hadn't fared too well under an inexperienced Colonel. Second Lieutenant Kestrel and his men were all that were left of that division and were now under Edward's command.

It was strange for Edward to gather in his smaller tent to issue out instructions to his two Lieutenants, Russell and the other two alchemists. He found he actually liked it, that he could get used to it. But his confident mood was soured by Russell, who made it obvious he was not happy.

Russell was to be left in charge of the two squads left behind. For the new Lieutenant to be picked to go out, though he was a more seasoned veteran so therefore a logical choice, he couldn't help but feel disappointed since he was a Major, who it seemed was nothing more than a babysitter he thought bitterly.

Edward didn't bother to try and reason with him that orders were orders; that he had nothing to do with it. He knew it was the last thing Russell wanted to hear. He would just have to do something when the opportunity arose to give Russell a chance to prove himself like he wanted.

Edward dismissed everyone when he was done and settled down to complete his paperwork. When he was done he rubbed his eyes tiredly. This was what he was anxious to return to. Military life and all the troubles it brought with it; disgruntled officers and dangerous missions.

As he pulled a blank sheet of paper to write to Al like he promised he thought it would all be worth it once they put the Drachmans in their place; back in their own country where they belonged.


	40. Chapter 40

The Amestrian guns fired for ten days straight without resting. The Drachmans answered in return but fired upon an empty first line of trenches. They only remained empty until it was time for the designated troops to start taking their position near the Drachman lines. It was hard to remain silent with shells falling all around. Then, slowly but surely, soldiers began to pull themselves over the parapet and make the difficult journey towards their enemy; crawling along like busy worker ants.

It was no fun lying face down in the mud. Edward was annoyed he wasted good money on a new uniform just to have it ruined within a few weeks. He refocused his annoyance on getting through the barbed wire without getting caught up in it. The flat gray metal reflected the red light of exploding artillery in the distance. It was only from the faded reflected light that anyone knew the wire was there. It was a cold, cloudy night and as Edward ducked low, forcing his body to sink into the thick mud to keep clear of the tangling wire, it felt like he was alone in a desolate world.

Everything stunk of death and decay. The Drachman soldiers that had risked their lives for nothing remained where they fell. The Amestrian side, following the rules of war and compassion, waved white flags so they could go out and pull back wounded Drachmans so they wouldn't have to listen to their suffering. Shots fired at the white flags kept the Amestrians back. Then more shots were fired at the dying Drachmans to speed up the inevitable. The Drachmans were ashamed of those suffering fools who should remain silent as they died. To them it was much more honorable that way than to plead for help from the enemy; it didn't matter if the pleading was for a speedy end.

It had taught the Amestrians a lesson. They would have to break through the Drachman lines quickly. They had not attacked before so they knew that if trench fighting continued any longer, they would lose more people that way. If they were not allowed to retrieve dying enemies, they would not be able to retrieve their own.

Edward squeezed his way under the barbed wire successfully and continued his careful crawl. He had gone another fifteen yards when there was a break in the clouds and moonlight streamed down upon them. Looking to his left he saw Havoc who seemed unusually still. He was going to question his Lieutenant but stopped himself, not wanting his words to be carried across to Drachman ears. He dismissed that as silly, there was a bombardment that was...

_Shit!_ Edward thought. _Why did the guns stop?!_

He had grown used to constant, echoing from the guns that it did not register right away they had stopped firing. Edward had to swallow the panic that was beginning to rise. The eerie silence that followed felt more like a ringing bell that tolled approaching doom. They needed the bombardment so the Drachmans wouldn't hear them as they took their positions. Edward looked to his right and saw that Sergeant Brody was lying just as still as Havoc. Edward couldn't see the rest of his line of troops but he was sure they had stopped their progress as well.

Edward didn't know if they should just continue moving forward, wait to see if the bombardment started up again then continue or to just retreat. At the moment it was not a good time for them to move. It was still a bit bright from the cloud break so any movement was out of the question for them.

They remained where they were for about five minutes when a cold, heavy wind swept through and the clouds raced to hide the moon once again. At the same time their own artillery resumed firing.

Edward sighed in relief and just as he started to move forward again a bright, flaring stream of glitter shot into the sky and exploded over their heads casting a blinding light over them, exposing their position. Before the light faded gun fire ripped through the noise of the artillery. Edward's group was trapped. They couldn't go forward any further into the line of fire and they couldn't go back, they'd just get caught up in the wire and they didn't have the luxury of moving carefully. Just as machine gun fire entered the mix Edward clapped his hands together and created a walled barrier between them. Their surprise attack was no longer a surprise so Edward had no problems breaking his troops cover for them to hide and gain some protection from the gun fire.

Havoc was up on his feet in no time and rushed to Edward, keeping low. Brody did likewise.

"What do you want to do?" The Lieutenant asked, looking a little nervous.

"Let's take them out," Edward answered without thinking.

"The Drachmans will have their reserves before ours get here," Brody commented.

"Then we'll be gone before they do."

"Hit and run," Havoc said.

"Yeah," Edward said nodding. "Might as well take out what we can. The plan is pointless now."

As if in agreement of Edward's last statement, more flares shot into the sky above them and to their left and right further down the lines. No Man's Land was lighted up so bright it felt like the middle of day with the sun beating down on them. More gunfire bounced off Edward's makeshift wall. Soon grenades started to drop, stopping just a few feet in front of the wall.

"I'll keep the wall in front of us, they'll see it coming but it'll protect us. I'll flood their tunnels with mud. Those smart enough to have gotten out of the way won't seem so smart when we stop and fire off a few rounds. When we retreat I'll destroy what I can so there will be nothing left in this section for the Drachmans to occupy."

Havoc and Brody nodded in agreement then went to pass the word down the line. When everyone was ready, Edward clapped his hands together and placed them on his wall. He braced himself against the blue, flashing light and felt the slight tremble as the wall started to move forward. The wall grew taller and taller as it picked up speed and mud as it went rushing towards the first tier of trenches the Drachmans were in. Even with the deafening artillery and gunfire the sound of men screaming reached their ears before being drowned out, then silenced.

With another clap of his hands Edward set them on the ground before him and cleared a smooth path for his men to run along. Not wasting anytime his troop took advantage of the neatly packed earth and went running after the wall of mud that had settled into the trench, covering it completely over a stretch of several yards.

As they reached the area where a trench full of Drachmans had been, the signal was given for Edward's troop to kneel in preparation of firing. Once Edward had taken out the first trench the flares stopped but it wasn't long for the reserves further back to start firing off more into the air. Edward used it to his advantage.

They spotted more Drachmans jumping out of the trenches several yards ahead to intercept them. He gave the signal to fire and a volley of rifle shots range through the air dropping several Drachmans. They slowed the advancing Drachmans who fell back to regroup. Edward knew it wouldn't take them long so clapping his hands together he caused a collapse in a connecting tunnel to their far right then once more created a high walled barrier. He would not allow his troop to advance much further. They could be trapped with no support from their right or left, the other troop's actions unknown and only his own small force that was left behind. The main force that would have advanced was not in place yet.

Feeling somewhat satisfied that they caused enough damage to this section of Drachman trenches Edward called for a retreat. As they started to run back to their own line of trenches Edward heard the sounds of light artillery firing at his wall of dirt. He smiled knowing it would take the Drachmans a while to destroy it and repair the section of trenches he had filled in with mud. He had strained the water from the dirt in order to pack it in good and solid. Once the Drachmans were able to dig deep enough they would be met with a muddy mess to clean out. It would take weeks and hopefully it would buy the Amestrian troops some time to regroup and hit the Drachmans again. At least this section was clear. Edward didn't know how the other troops fared. He would find out soon enough once he made his report.

They were just a few feet away from their first line of barbed wire. Edward clapped his hands in preparation to clear the barbed wire but it was gone. Edward noticed the ground had been packed down by alchemy and he was grateful that Russell wasn't so upset about being left behind that he didn't let it cloud his good judgment.

When Edward and the rest of his troop jumped into the trenches machine gun fire started ringing out just in case any stray Drachmans were foolish enough to follow. Edward went in search of Russell.

"Major Tringum," Edward panted as the adrenaline that fueled him began to drain. "Quick thinking with keeping our retreat clear of any obstructions."

"When I saw those flares I knew there would be trouble," Russell said but without much enthusiasm.

"It's a good thing we had you watching our backs," Edward said patting him on the shoulder. "Let's put everything back the way it was. It'll be awhile before they try anything but I don't trust those bastards."

"Yes, sir," Russell said saluting as Edward walked away. He was proud of himself for doing something right though to him it wasn't much of an accomplishment. Anyone else would have done the same if they were an alchemist. Somehow Edward's praise rankled. He was feeling the sting of what happened in Central; to have been turned away by Erika. He had thought when he saw Edward return so quickly that perhaps he had done something careless, getting himself kicked out. But to be turned down as well wasn't something Russell had taken very well.

Since then there was a resentment he felt toward Edward. He had known the Fullmetal Alchemist was exceptionally gifted but Russell couldn't understand how someone just a year older than him had gained such a promotion. There were the rumors that Edward was the new Fuhrer's pet but Russell was not fully aware of everything that Edward had been through in order to understand why Mustang trusted him so much. He also didn't get the other alchemists and their hero worship of the Fullmetal Alchemist. To Russell they were all alchemists, fully capable of performing the same transmutations as Edward. So what if Edward could do so without a circle? Russell didn't think that made him all that special.

"Major," Havoc said saluting Russell. "Do you need any assistance with your team to set out more wire?"

"No thank you, Lieutenant."

Without looking at Havoc, Russell turned and walked away. Havoc watched him for a while. He didn't like the way Russell was staring at Edward. Any sympathy he had felt towards the young alchemist wanting more responsibilities melted and was replaced with suspicion. He had seen eyes like that before; eyes of an enemy that was not to be trusted.

Edward, completely unaware of the dark looks that were directed at him from Russell, had gone through his line of men to assess the damage. There were none. Everyone made it back without a scratch. Edward went to make his report and to find out what the hell happened that caused the whole plan to fail.


	41. Chapter 41

Ammunition supply delay. At least that was what Edward overheard from Locke in the background over the communication line. It was hard to hear the official word from the officer on the other end over the yelling, cursing and belittling from the Brigadier General as he directed his tirade towards the artillery commander. The officer quickly took Edward's report to relay it to the Brigadier General who still had a lot of words for the artillery commander and his failure.

Different tactics were soon employed to make up for the failed offensive strike but even those soon proved to be futile. But bombardments would always be the go-to tactic no matter what.

The constant firing of the guns seemed more exhausting than the actual fighting. It was the same thing over and over again. An area would be bombed that was meant for an infantry to attack. The Drachmans were always prepared. Then it was the Drachmans turn and it always felt like the Amestrian side barely saved themselves as they drove their enemies back. There were minor successes in some areas but the fighting was intense and the Drachmans made up for any Amestrian success.

Russell finally got what he wanted; at least partially. He was in charge of the medics and would provide them with cover as they tried to save as many men as possible. Edward had been right. The Drachmans did target the medics. Edward made them change the symbol they wore on their uniforms so they were not spotted so easily on the battlefield. But Russell was still kept busy. It was difficult work. Stretcher bearers removing the wounded were still easy to target. Winter was still in full force so the thick mud that went knee deep slowed them. With his adrenaline pumping and the confusion of fighting happening all around him, Russell didn't have time to complain or think of complaining about the work. Even when they were relieved from the front for brief furloughs at the encampment; he was too exhausted to be a nuisance but it was still on his mind that he wanted something else to do.

He wasn't as bothersome as he had been and easily joined Edward, Havoc and the other Lieutenant and Sergeants around a camp fire. He was welcome but at times he still felt like an outsider. Edward tried to make him feel included but sometimes Russell wished he wouldn't. To him it just felt like Edward had to do it, to make up for waiting so long before giving Russell something more important to do. Russell tried not to let it get to him, that he was being ridiculous, that Edward was truly trying to be friends, or as close as they could as Edward's rank would allow but the tiny, petty seed of jealousy towards the Fullmetal Alchemist was already planted.

As the days and weeks passed, Russell grew weary of being a bodyguard for the medics. He was antsy to do some real fighting. He didn't say anything about it to Edward. He hoped the Lieutenant Colonel would finally give in and let him fight. He knew Edward was a stubborn person so instead of being persistent like he was before he decided to let his work do the talking.

It was March when the news reached them. A ceasefire was declared in the south and talks begin with Aerugo. Not much celebrating was had with the news. As usual the Drachmans seemed to know what was going on as well and doubled their efforts. The Amestrian military could only do the same until the southern troops arrived.

Talks went a lot smoother with Aerugo. They were not as capable of maintaining a long fight so before a treaty was even signed troops from the south were sent to the north.

Russell hoped this news would help his case some. Now that the northern army would be getting more support from the south than perhaps Edward would be more willing to let him fight; that with the additional support the risks would not be so great. But Edward had started to withdraw within himself. He sat with everyone but yet he wasn't there. He barely cracked a smile and when he did it looked like it took a lot of effort. During battle he was himself, confident and sure of his decisions but after it was a different story.

The troop was shuffled around to different areas; Edward repeating the same maneuver from the night of the failed first offensive. Edward's troop didn't have to do much. Most of the saving Russell and the medics had done was for the men of other troops that Edward's came to support. Edward hadn't lost any men since the loss of Sergeant Hood and his entire squad. But the Drachmans had lost a lot of men due to Edward.

Edward had trained several more alchemists from other troops to use the same technique but their attempts were weak. Since Edward's technique had been somewhat of a success, useful despite the failed attack, he used the same thing when similar attacks were ordered. The second time around was a success as well but by the third and fourth the Drachmans started anticipating them. The Drachmans kept up a steady but deadly barrage of artillery to keep the Amestrians from advancing close enough to dislodge them. However, when Edward did get close enough he created a lot of damage on the Drachman side.

The full force of it didn't bother him at first, knowing he had killed so many men. When it did he pushed it aside, telling himself it was war. But it was slowly starting to eat away at him. Not only did he tell himself that it was part of the war but his troop survived; that it was a necessary burden to bear for the long term benefits it would produce. The enlisted men were eternally grateful and the Sergeants and Lieutenant, who didn't know Edward as well, were of the same mindset. Those closest to Edward, who had been with him the longest, Havoc, Brody, Jacks and Healy, knew Edward shouldn't be doing so much. He was wearing himself out and Havoc especially knew what a glutton for guilt Edward could be. Havoc also could see how Edward's attitude was starting to put Russell off. The two seemed like they could work together, though Edward more so than Russell. But Russell had stopped with the glares toward Edward when he was more social; more himself.

The glares returned and Havoc noted they usually happened when an enlisted man seemed eager to run some minor errand for the Lieutenant Colonel or if Russell overheard the men talking and bragging how they lasted longer than most troops; that it was all due to the Fullmetal Alchemist.

It was a quiet, cold night. Edward was sitting alone, tightly wrapped in his overcoat smoking, staring into the flames of an open fire. Havoc could see the strain, the tension on Edward's face. It seemed magnified by the flickering red glow of the flames making it hard to even recognize that it was Edward sitting there.

Havoc had ordered everyone to stay away from the Lieutenant Colonel. It was time for some Edward management but Havoc was a little nervous this time. He was afraid of a blow up. He had expected Edward to crack a while ago; he was not really known for keeping his emotions in check for too long. Whatever Edward was bottling up was being rebottled over and over again. It needed to be diffused.

"Hey, got a light?" Havoc said sitting next to Edward.

Edward gave him a sideways glare. "There's a fucking fire in front of you."

Edward's attitude didn't deter Havoc. He took Edward's cigarette from his mouth and used it to light his own; Edward wasn't the only one who could be obnoxious.

"I think you need to rethink your strategy," Havoc said handing the cigarette back.

Edward took it with an irritated jerk of his arm and ignored Havoc.

"What do you think you're doing; trying to be a glory hog? The reputation you already had as the great Fullmetal Alchemist wasn't enough? Are you going to add war hero and world's biggest asshole to the list as well?"

Edward continued to ignore Havoc, staring into the fire, fuming.

"I put in a lot of groundwork to keep this from happening. Now you're just going to destroy it all."

"I'm sorry if everyone hates surviving every battle."

"It's not that. We enjoy having all our limbs in place and that we can still breathe. But I think some of us would like to know we did it on our own; that we weren't hiding behind you're metal limbs and alchemy. Don't you think there will be consequences to what you're doing? Tringum was starting to keep himself in check but his annoyance has flared back up."

"I can handle Russell."

"You're exhausting yourself."

"I'm fine."

"Don't you think the Drachmans will make the connection that it's you who has taken out so many men? You'll be a target."

"I can handle the Drachmans too."

"You're brother will never recognize you when this war is over. All he'll see is a mindless killing machine; a human weapon," Havoc said stressing the last two words.

It was the stigma of State Alchemists, almost like a mark of shame for Edward but one he bore as he continued wearing the silver pocket watch.

Edward flinched. "That was a low blow," he whispered.

"I'll give you that to feel guilty about. The rest of your guilt can stop once you do and allow us to help."

Edward sat still, mulling over Havoc's words, the strain slowly melting away. Finally he let out a soft laugh.

"Why haven't you asked for a transfer yet?"

"If I was under someone else's command it'd be boring as hell. Who else could I talk to like this?"

"So you'd show someone else more respect than you would towards me?" Edward asked offended.

"It's because I respect you I talk to you like this. Anyone else I would have shot in the back during a battle for the kind of bullshit you put me through."

"Someone has to keep you on your toes," Edward smirked. "I can't let my First Lieutenant have it easy; getting soft, leaving you useless in a fight."

"Well, can you quit with the dramatic brooding now and tell me what's wrong?"

Edward looked sheepish.

"It's really stupid."

"What a shock?" Havoc sighed sarcastically.

Edward took a deep breath before he went on.

"It was something Al said before I left. He said I'll probably end up staying in the military. I told you it was stupid but I guess I was just trying to hurry this war up; to end it as soon as possible to prove him wrong. But as I've been trying to prove him wrong I'm doing the opposite. While I've been trying to get out of this war I've been doing it by being the hero, almost exactly as Al said; that I really joined to protect our country, to keep the power of alchemy from being abused. But then in a way I'm abusing the use of alchemy by overwhelming the Drachmans. They really have no chance against me. I start to feel like I'm Kimbley, enjoying my work a little too much. But it's really Jacks' fault." Edward ended suddenly with a three sixty turn with someone else to blame. He really didn't want to dwell upon any similarities between himself and the Crimson Alchemist.

"Why Jacks?" Havoc asked, sounding slightly shocked by this new revelation. He didn't think Edward had anything against Sergeant Jacks, other than his bad coffee making skills.

"He's always bragging about his kid and how much he's grown," Edward said with a touch of annoyance. Then added with a sad, far away look in his eyes. "It reminds me of Hughes," he said quietly. "I'd like to send Jacks home to his family in one piece minus a casket and not like Sharpe who was left behind. I'd like to send everyone home in one piece. If I'm not able to have a family of my own then why should anyone else be denied."

"You have Al," Havoc pointed out.

"I don't mean that kind of family."

"Oh," Havoc said understanding what he meant. "You're still thinking of Erika."

"I told you it was stupid," Edward said feeling his cheeks flush. He was embarrassed that his back breaking worries were once again put into perspective by Havoc to be nothing more than silly teenage trifles. One of his fears was that he would not be able to settle down after the war; that Erika had seen it in him and left because it was pointless to wait around for him. Like Erika too, Winry had never written back so he was starting to think he wasn't worth the effort; that even though he still wanted to maintain his friendship with Winry, she didn't even want that after everything he had put her through over the years. He hoped that perhaps he could somehow repair what damage was done before it got any worse. He was now thinking to concede the fact that he probably wouldn't ever be able to offer anything a young woman would want from him; his time and attention and to reduce his unnecessary insistence to put himself in danger.

"You really go out of your way to make yourself miserable. The responsibility is not just yours. We all have a part to play. If you're going to wage a one man war against the Drachmans then send us home now."

"Then who would I have to talk to?"

Havoc sighed. "I guess I'd have to stick around. Leaving you to yourself is dangerous."

"Well, if everyone is anxious for a fight then they can have it. I've been getting a little itchy too. I miss punching those assholes in their smug, overconfident faces."

"Me too," Havoc agreed to stress his point that Edward shouldn't be carrying the burden of the war on his own.


	42. Chapter 42

Within a month, after the arrival of the troops from the south, the Amestris military broke through the Drachman lines at last. It was time to start reclaiming the north.

It didn't take long to secure the first line from the Drachmans. The Amestrian military would bombard the hell out of an area then launch an infantry attack. Once the attack was successful the bombardment would continue firing fifty yards further ahead. Bombard, infantry takes over, then another fifty yard bombardment. It was these methods that succeeded in taking out the Drachmans and pushing them out of their trenches after a month of fighting back and forth with the technique. It was a long and exhaustive month but worth it now that the Amestris military was out of the trenches and fighting in the open countryside. The problem was going to be taking back the towns and cities the Drachmans had overrun; overrun and fortified for an eventual siege. Just because they relinquished their dirty network of trenches didn't mean they would be so willing to give up what they had already conquered throughout the north.

Everyone seemed to be in a good mood; even the enlisted men. Heavy fighting with a satisfactory outcome didn't dampen their awe for their commanding officer; even if they were now more at risk. It made them more confident and eager to pursue the Drachmans.

It didn't do anything for Russell's mood. He was still playing babysitter to the medics. With Edward in a better mood and allowing everyone else to fight but him, it just fueled the jealousy and resentment Russell felt toward the Fullmetal Alchemist. It was getting harder for him to maintain any respect he should show towards Edward.

They were outside a small village called Ulen with a train track running through the middle. The Drachmans were not too eager to let it go. It would cut off supplies to another town in Drachman hands, Kellroy. Kellroy led to New Optain in the east. The Drachmans had been harassing New Optain for months. If Edward's troop could cut off the supply run to Kellroy it would provide some breathing room for the troops deployed in New Optain.

The shells were dropping all around them and Drachmans were coming from everywhere. It was vital they not lose Ulen and they fought like it. Russell was crouched near a medic who was bandaging a bullet wound for a soldier's right leg. His rifle was at the ready to keep any Drachmans at bay. They liked to break through the lines individually in a wild fury to take out what they could, always aiming for medics and the wounded. Russell had his share of scuffles but it was in the front, giving the orders where he wanted to be along with the Lieutenants and Sergeants. He would put up with Edward if only for the chance but an opportunity soon presented itself that would get Edward out of his way. _Just temporarily_, he told himself. _Not forever._

Russell heard the signal to fall back and regroup. The fighting was still several yards away, Russell would have to rush the medics to grab what wounded they could save and fall back before the main troop. He looked back towards the fighting. Through the smoke of gunfire and confusion of bodies he saw a Drachman soldier on Edward's heels. Just as Edward turned to deal with the Drachman, Russell, without thinking, raised his own rifle. His aim had improved over the last few months but his long range firing was still untested. He sighted and took a deep breath. The Drachman was in range, then Edward, they turned and then ended up back within his sights; he fired.

For a second Russell thought the world screeched to a halt as Sergeant Jacks, who had been on his way to help Edward, froze with his hand to his lower back.

As Sergeant Jacks fell to the ground, Russell grabbed the wounded soldier by the arm to stand him on his good leg and hurried the medic to fall back. He urged them to keep falling back, even well beyond the rallying point where they were to regroup, ignoring the worried questioning from the medic along the way.

Edward took out the Drachman after transmuting his automail into a blade that slid easily into the Drachman's belly. He barely had time to use any alchemy at all the way the Drachman soldier rushed him and he didn't have time to reload his handgun. After reforming his automail back to normal, he turned to follow the rest of his troop after making sure nobody was left behind.

"Fuck!" Edward shouted when he saw Sergeant Jacks lying on the ground before him.

Edward could tell the Sergeant was still breathing but he looked dazed and a little surprised; like he wasn't sure what had just happened to him. There was no time for questions. Edward lifted Jacks up roughly, hoping he wouldn't cause the poor Sergeant to bleed to death with his mishandling but he was desperate to get Jacks out of there. He saw Havoc up ahead and shouted back for him.

"Havoc!" Edward yelled. "Lieutenant Havoc!"

Havoc turned around upon hearing his name despite the loud cacophony of battle. He saw Edward with Jacks and rushed back to help. Together they carried the young Sergeant back where the troop was regrouping within a thin forest of trees with bullets nipping at their heels.

They reached the limited concealment of the trees where most of Edward's troop had taken position to cover the temporary retreat. Once well within the little forest Edward and Havoc set Sergeant Jacks down onto his left side. Havoc removed his pack and dug around as Edward covered the bleeding wound with his bare hand.

"Shit! I don't have anything!" Havoc said dumping the contents of the pack out onto the ground.

"Tear the sleeve from his uniform. Where's a medic?" Edward said looking around him. "Medic!" He shouted hoping one was close that would hear his call.

Gun fire erupted from the direction they had just come from. Edward knew they could use a few extra rifles. Sergeant Healy was left as a reserve, stationed further back. Edward picked up the receiver from the communications pack Sergeant Jacks still had strapped to his back.

"Sergeant Healy," Edward yelled, trying to make himself heard through the sound of rifle fire. "We need support. Get over here now. Also, if you see a medic, bring him for Jacks."

Havoc finished ripping Jack's sleeve and balled it up to press against the bleeding wound Edward had been trying to stave off. Edward then carefully removed the communications pack and set it aside. Then after looking around frantically, Edward gathered some sticks together and Havoc's empty pack, piling everything together. With a clap of his hands and a flash of bluish light a stretcher appeared ready to bear Jacks to safety. Placing the stretcher behind Jacks, Havoc and Edward gently eased him onto the stretcher.

"Stay with Jacks until a medic arrives or someone else gets here to help you get Jacks out of here," Edward ordered Havoc as he shouldered the communications pack onto his shoulders. "I'm going back to provide better cover back for the firing line. I'll contact Healy to let him know to find you first."

Havoc nodded in agreement too worried about Jacks to think of anything else to say.

Before getting up to go, Edward placed his hands on Sergeant Jacks shoulder.

"Be strong Sergeant," Edward encouraged. "We'll get you taken care of."

"Yes, sir," Jacks gasped through the agony stemming from his back.

Edward tried to give him an encouraging smile before he left. As he ran along he felt the smile probably looked more grim than encouraging. He hated to leave the Sergeant but knew he had to be there with the rest of his men. He would be leaving Havoc and having the Lieutenant there eased Edward's guilt some.

Staying with Jacks brought back nightmarish memories for Havoc. He saw himself lying on the ground, feeling the biting pain that could be felt through his upper body. That pain had consumed him and at the time he did not realize it did not travel down to his legs. He knew Jacks was not in the same paralyzing position he had been in but the Sergeant was wide eyed with fear and Havoc needed something to distract himself and young Jacks, who looked like he was on the verge of panic.

"Hey, Sergeant," Havoc said soothingly. "It's just a flesh wound. The Lieutenant Colonel lost an arm and leg at the same time. This is nothing compared to that."

"Sure," Jacks nodded half-heartedly. "Couldn't he have used alchemy to heal it? I mean, I can't die... I've got a wife and son..."

_Damn it! Where's a fucking medic when you need him?!_ Havoc cursed to himself. He kept looking around but found nobody close. He hoped he would spot Sergeant Healy coming soon. In fact the larger Sergeant should have almost been there by now. He wanted to get Jacks to a medic before he started to panic and worrying about dying.

"There's a lot we don't know about alchemy," Havoc said trying to keep Jacks away from his train of thought. "But I've learned from the Lieutenant Colonel that it takes a lot out of an alchemist. He has the stamina to endure it; he's had a lot of training. But there are still limits. He told me once, how he was injured in a fight; he healed himself but there was a cost."

"What was that?" Jacks asked, looking slightly curious.

"It shortened his life span."

"Really?" Jacks asked in disbelief.

_At least his mind is off his pain now_, Havoc thought.

"Does that mean the Lieutenant Colonel is going to...?" Jacks continued.

"Not for a while," Havoc explained. "It just means he would have had the chance to live longer. At least what his natural life would have allowed."

"I didn't know alchemy was so strict."

"It's like playing with fire. If you're not careful you could get burned. That's why I wouldn't let him heal himself after he received those shrapnel wounds. He had been using alchemy all day and fighting, he was exhausted. I didn't know what it would take from him and I didn't want to find out, though he wouldn't think twice about it. He puts himself out there for us and we should do the same for him. I've seen you run to help him many times. You're just like him."

"I'm not as brave as the Lieutenant Colonel. He would have kept on fighting with a wound like this."

"He would have tried but we would have stopped him, wouldn't we?"

"Yeah," Jacks said with a sly smile.

It was an unspoken secret amongst the Lieutenant, Healy, Brody and Jacks, that they would all take a bullet for their commanding officer; that they would sacrifice themselves for him. They would let the Fullmetal Alchemist think they were only helping him because he was useful with his little alchemy tricks but there was something of an older brother bond that tied them to the Lieutenant Colonel. They respected Edward but not out of duty or because they had too. He was like the little brother who blusters and blunders, demanding respect but works his tail off to earn it. Edward had done more than his share to earn it. But as the younger brother who had stepped up to shoulder the responsibility for everyone else; the older brothers were left with the responsibility to make sure their little brother was protected from his self destructive ways.

"Lieutenant Havoc!" Healy shouted as he rushed over and kneeled down next to Jacks with a scared, tense look.

"Have you seen the medics?" Havoc asked desperately. He had never been so happy to see Sergeant Healy before.

"Yes, sir," Sergeant Healy said. "They were retreating. Major Tringum said we were all retreating. I told him I had orders to provide support but he pulled rank saying orders were changed and to follow him. When his back was turned I slipped away with my squad. My orders came straight from the Lieutenant Colonel and he would tell me himself if he changed his orders."

"You were right. But you still disobeyed an order from a commanding officer. Don't let it happen again." Havoc said just going through the motions. "Consider that the only reprimand you will receive on the matter and I'll make sure the Lieutenant Colonel knows about it."

"Thank you, sir," Healy said smiling.

"But to keep you from the wrath of _Major Tringum_," Havoc said his voice dripping with sarcasm when he said Russell's name. "I'm going to have you and one of your men return with Jacks. I'll lead the rest of your squad."

"Yes, sir," Healy said. "Hensley, help me with Jacks."

A soldier from Healy's squad came forward, shouldering his rifle and together, being extremely careful with their wounded package, they lifted the stretcher Sergeant Jacks was laying on to make the long trek back to a safe spot.

"Sergeant Jacks," Havoc said before he was carried away. "The Lieutenant Colonel will expect you to return right away to watch his back."

"I'll be there," Jacks said with a small smile, grateful the Lieutenant had been there for him and had kept his thoughts from worrying about his own death. He was confident that he would be alright and that he would be back in no time at all.

As Healy and Hensley carried the young Sergeant away, Havoc watched with a slight frown on his face. When he ran back to help with Sergeant Jacks, Edward had him partially lifted and he was facing the Drachman lines. He was shot in the back so he should have been facing the other way and when Havoc thought about it some more, Edward barely managed to lift Jacks up; he would not have turned the young Sergeant around. There would have been no need to turn him around, no point actually.


	43. Chapter 43

They had been fighting for two days straight. They were outnumbered and were constantly being outflanked. In order to keep from being surrounded, Edward had to keep falling back towards the west where they ended up in another wooded area. Once, they had been close to the east of Ulen, in a position to cut the Drachmans off. Now, that was no longer the case. They had been driven further and further towards the southwest, in the opposite direction of their main goal.

Unable to make any progress, Edward was ordered to stay put and wait for reinforcements. He hated the fact he had to wait for someone else to bail him out but he had to concede that they needed help. A lot of his men had been fighting wounded, hungry and tired. Those unable to fight with their wounds were taken to field hospitals. Even if Edward had his full force it would still not be enough.

They made camp in the woods; Edward tripling the guards around the perimeter, hoping the Drachmans wouldn't outflank them or launch a surprise attack. His men would get some much needed rest and Edward hoped for some too but it was not meant to be. He still had to face Russell.

There was an old fur trapper's cabin, abandoned long ago as the country became more civilized. It was still in decent shape, the logs in the beginning stages of decay. Inside, in the corner was an old, wood burning stove. It was not being put to use. There was no time to clean it out and it was the last thing on Edward's mind to even worry about. There was a small pile of musty furs in another corner; covered in dust lying where they were thrown after being rejected. It was the perfect place for any troop commander to put to use; a place to handle any troop business or a place to retreat to in order to think and clear one's head in order to decide their next move. Edward would be able to think but it would do nothing to clear his head, even if he were to be alone.

"I'm sorry, Ed," Russell said miserably. "I thought we were retreating."

"I gave no such order. I ordered us to fall back and regroup," Edward said angrily. "I told you to memorize the signals!"

"I did but I panicked!"

"That's no excuse! You left us without a medical team! You're lucky Sergeant Jacks will recover!"

"I'm sorry," Russell said again.

"Just go," Edward said feeling lost. He didn't know what to do, as he turned his back to Russell. No, he knew what he should do but he didn't want to. Russell looked and sounded truly sorry; Edward couldn't hold it against him any longer.

Russell didn't leave. He stood watching Edward trying to decide if he should ask what he wanted to or not. But he was anxious to know.

"Ed, are you going to report this?" Russell asked a tentatively a couple of seconds later.

Something snapped in Edward. Turning around viciously upon Russell he shouted, "I said get the fuck out of here!"

Russell realized he had said the wrong thing and recoiled. For a moment he was truly terrified of Edward; that the Fullmetal Alchemist would actually do something to physically hurt him. Without another word and a whirl of blue and scuffling feet he hurried out of the cabin, feeling like he had just barely escaped with his life.

Edward began to pace trying to calm himself. He couldn't believe that Russell would be more concerned about his personnel file containing something unfavorable then the fact that he ran, leaving the troop without any medical help. It was just like Xenotine. Russell was more concerned about completing the experiments with the red water than what effects it was having on the populace. But Russell helped to put an end to his own work. Edward couldn't, wouldn't believe that Russell would be that careless, that unfeeling.

He raised his fist, ready to punch a hole in the cabin wall but restrained himself. He would only hurt himself and that would do nothing to ease the situation; maybe forget for a few minutes but nothing more. He turned and leaned against the wall instead, sliding to the floor.

Havoc stepped in a few minutes later. He had been close by, making sure nobody else got too close to overhear but Edward wasn't too cooperative; the whole camp had heard. Havoc knew with Edward's outburst, that he had instilled a fear within his men that such mistakes would have drastic consequences; that not only would they have to face the wrath of their Lieutenant Colonel, who was not only a gifted alchemist but also capable of making someone's life miserable if he chose to. But if Edward allowed Russell to get off the hook, others might think Edward was soft; that he could be taken advantage of and they could get away with anything.

"So what are you going to do?" He asked without preamble when he found Edward sitting on the floor.

Edward sat still, deep in thought. He couldn't answer Havoc; he didn't know what to do. He knew what he should do but he didn't want to.

"Nothing," he said after a while.

"Technically he went AWOL and disobeyed orders, that can't be overlooked," Havoc pointed out.

"He panicked, he was scared," Edward said in Russell's defense, not able to look at Havoc. "I remember what it was like for me. It took me time to adjust. He's not the only one to have made a mistake."

"Don't try to compare that fight with this," Havoc said angrily, knowing Edward was referring to his fight with the enlisted man. "You didn't run with your tail between your legs taking our medical staff with you. Jacks could have bled to death and he wasn't the only one that needed help. Besides, Tringum has been around for awhile. This was not his first battle. If you want to maintain what you've established here you have to make an example of him or else others will take advantage of your _generosity_."

"I will not be some tyrant. We all deserve a second chance," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"This is the military, Ed; we don't always get second chances, not when it comes to something like this. Do you want to give Bradley's Generals a second chance? I don't know why you're defending him. More people have been hurt by what he did, not just his pitiful service record. It has to be noted. What if it happens again, then what? You won't be able to do anything because that will look like his first offense. It's not like you two are the greatest of friends. You don't need to protect him, he's a big boy and he has to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions."

"Like I said, we all deserve a second chance. Everyone will get one."

"I hope you don't regret it. It's not my place but I'll be keeping an eye on him. I don't trust him."

"First you supported him now you don't trust him. Why are you suddenly coming down on him so hard? You didn't get like this after my fight with the enlisted man. I think I got off pretty easy…"

"That's not even on the same level," Havoc interrupted, upset that Edward was grasping at straws to compare himself with Russell; that he was being too stubborn to at least acknowledge the fact that Russell may not have the best interests of the military in mind.

Havoc gritted his teeth against his suspicions. He had no proof, only his doubt and some implicating evidence that would not necessarily hold up against the Major.

"You don't pay attention to the way he looks at you," Havoc said frustrated, trying to find something for Edward to grab hold of to understand why he no longer trusted Russell.

"I don't care," Edward said sounding defeated. "I've made my decision. You can do whatever you want, as you usually do."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You have free rein to do and say whatever you want. If you want to keep that then you better drop this one subject."

Havoc would rather Edward had punched him in the stomach than say that. It would have had the same effect. After everything he had done to help Edward; to have him turn around and side with someone that would rather have him out of the way. Havoc thought he was upset when he saw Edward on the floor getting the crap beat out of him but this was worse. He was beyond upset; this was almost a complete betrayal. He couldn't believe that Edward would actually disregard him like that. Edward could be stubborn but this was more than just stubbornness and he didn't know what to do about it. He didn't know how else to make Edward see that Russell was not worth his trust or sympathy.

"If that's what you want, sir," Havoc said as formally as he could manage despite his anger. He turned around to leave but stopped.

"Maybe this will be good for you," he said not looking back at Edward. "…to learn things the hard way. It's usually the way you like it."

Edward stared after Havoc, long after he had left. He didn't want to argue with the Lieutenant but he also didn't mean to push him away like he did. He was taking into consideration what Havoc was saying but he also wanted to give Russell another chance, without any suspicions or having to spy on him. But he knew he had chosen Russell over Havoc. It was the same thing all over again; like running away from his brother and Winry. He learned the hard way from that too; instead of running away he should have told his brother how he regained his body. He should have told Winry how he really felt about her. He should have told Havoc that he would take what he said into consideration. But once again he had to keep things to himself, not trusting anyone to understand his point of view; which they would, he knew; if he would just give them the chance to.

When he finally settled down to get some sleep, he did so wishing it had been him that had been shot in the back and not Sergeant Jacks. He felt he more than deserved it. If it had been him, then the whole conversation between Russell and Havoc would never have happened, or at least would be postponed. But if it had been him, then Sergeant Jacks would be alright and his wife would not have to worry any more than she already did.

* * *

After leaving the cabin in a hurry, Russell back tracked to come around to the other side in order to listen in on the conversation between Edward and Havoc. He had a feeling Havoc would try to talk Edward out of his decision and Russell was curious whether the young Lieutenant Colonel would change his mind. As he listened, his anger and resentment flared up when he heard Edward defend him. He knew he should be grateful for another chance; that Edward wouldn't report his mistake but he knew it wasn't a mistake; that the Lieutenant probably knew that as well or at least suspected. He didn't want Edward's pity and he didn't want Havoc watching him, waiting for him to screw up again. He started to think the rift that had now sprung between Edward and Havoc could be a blessing. Maybe Edward would not be so quick to listen to everything the Lieutenant had to say now; that this was an opportunity for him to, despite his mistake, capitalize on his second chance without Havoc's interference.


	44. Chapter 44

Not too long ago it took a lot to wake Edward up. Being in the military he learned to be a light sleeper. He never knew if he'd have to wake up at a moments notice and run for his life or dodge a sneak attack. He was semi aware of the rustling footsteps outside the cabin, sleepily dismissing it as one of his men returning from guard duty or Lieutenant Kestrel or Havoc making their rounds. Then he heard the creaking of the door as someone opened it carefully. He allowed whoever it was to get closer, his senses more on the alert and his body ready to move quickly if necessary. He felt a light pressure of a hand on his shoulder and thought he heard someone whisper his name in the dark but didn't recognize the voice as the adrenaline kicked in and all he did hear was the quick beating of his heart. Without thinking twice he grabbed his knife from under him and grabbed whoever it was, placing the edge of the knife at their throat, forcing the light body to the floor. They had been surprised by a Drachman attack once and Edward wouldn't be surprised if they did it again. It would be just like them to sneak in and take a commanding officer hostage or to just kill; leaving the troop without a leader, a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off making them easy to pick off. He even thought sarcastically that maybe it was Russell, confirming Havoc's distrust for good reason. Or maybe Havoc himself. Edward felt he deserved a good beating at the hands of the Lieutenant. The quick rush to action clouded his reasoning for a moment. If someone was going to attack him they wouldn't have been so easy to overthrow and they wouldn't have been trying to shake him away so gently.

"Edward, it's me," whoever it was said sounding a little panicked. Not surprising with the pressure of a sharp knife edge against their throat.

"Erika!" He exclaimed in shock, removing the knife when he recognized her voice finally. He quickly turned on the lantern to find her looking up at him with wide eyes. Visions of their first night together flashed through his mind. This was the second time he could have killed her.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he helped her to sit up.

"It's okay," she assured him with a gentle, yet unsure smile, looking a little rattled by Edward's mistaken attack. "It's to be expected when you wake a soldier in the middle of the night."

"How did you get here? How did you get past the sentries?" Edward stammered over his questions, surprised by her sudden appearance.

"You're Lieutenant saw me talking with the guards and let me through."

"Havoc? Why?" Edward asked confused, wondering why the Lieutenant would let her in knowing they were not exactly safe from the Drachmans. He wondered if it was just payback, to give Edward something else to stress about.

"Maybe he knew how much I missed you."

_I doubt that_, Edward thought but instead said, "That doesn't explain how you got here?"

"I have my ways."

"Please tell me you didn't," Edward said horrified with the thought of Erika having to do what she could just to see him. It wasn't something he wanted her to be doing to herself just for him. It wasn't just that. Erika could have easily stumbled upon a Drachman encampment instead of Edward's troop. He realized then that was probably why Havoc didn't tell her to leave. She was safer with the troop rather than wandering around alone in the dark.

"Edward, that doesn't matter. I had to..."

"Of course if matters," Edward interrupted. "I mean..." he stuttered knowing what she was doing in Central when he last saw her. "I just don't want you to end up getting hurt just to come here to see me. This is not the safest place to be right now. The Drachmans could be anywhere."

"I know," Erika said closing her eyes tight, feeling tears from her stupidity threatening to spill. "I had to see you Edward; I had to let you know..."

"You could have written," Edward pointed out angrily; upset that she would put herself at risk just to tell him something in person.

"But I had to see you," Erika said the tears overflowing. "I was worried about you and I felt awful for the way I treated you. You deserved a better goodbye than what I gave you. You're too young to be fighting in a war like this and shouldering such responsibility. Someone like me doesn't deserve it but I know you're here fighting for those who do and those who don't. I was just so scared I'd never see you again."

"The way you treated me... I don't..." Then Edward stopped and pulled her into a hug, almost crushing her into his ribcage. He was still confused and didn't really understand what she was talking about. Her tears were too distracting. He didn't want to see her crying over him and it was just not like her to break down like this. But having her there, holding her close was comforting, despite the uneasy situation. Erika being there made him feel that he had at least one person in the world, or the general vicinity, that wasn't pissed off at him and didn't care what an ass he could be.

"I can't breath," Erika mumbled as she was stifled against his chest.

"Sorry," Edward said with a faint laugh as he loosened his grip. "But please, don't cry. Anything but that."

"Anything," Erika said as she lifted her head to look up at him.

Edward was all too familiar with that tone in her voice and the look in her eyes. The air caught in his throat as he felt her warm hands as they gently pressed the exposed skin of his neck. Her thin fingers slowly moved up towards his chin as she slowly rose to face him. Just the slightest touch from her could always make him forget where he was and what he should be doing. He almost did when he felt the chills that went shooting down his spine as her lips touched his. Erika started to gently ease Edward onto his back as she kissed him and he kissed her back. But Edward wasn't as easily distracted as he had been in the past. The episode with Russell and Havoc still fresh in his mind, the thought of almost having to write one of those damn letters he always dreaded for Sergeant Jacks' family and worse, whatever it was Erika had done just to get this far to see him.

He tried to gently push her away but she refused to back off.

"Erika, wait," Edward said as he barely managed to break free but her lips were back upon his swiftly. Finally, when he was able to tear himself away again...

"Stop," Edward commanded in a tone that made Erika sit back up and shrink away.

"Don't you think you'd want a break from all that," he then said gently to make up for his harshness.

Erika looked at him confused, like she was lost for words. "I guess," she finally said.

Edward smiled at her reassuringly. "You don't have to leave right now. You're probably safer here than wandering around in the dark alone. Just stay and rest. I don't think I'm up for anything physical right now. I'm mentally exhausted and I've got too much running through my head."

He lifted the blanket of his bed roll for Erika to slip into next to him. Once she settled in Edward put his arm around her and buried his face in her hair, kissing the back of her neck.

"Get some sleep," he whispered.

"Okay," Erika whispered back, still feeling confused and a little disappointed.

* * *

He had seen everything. He heard the urgent whispers; the higher tone of a female and the lower, rough voices of the guards. He was about to see what was going on when he heard Lieutenant Havoc enter the mix. As he approached he watched in shock as Havoc told some girl to follow him. It was the same girl he tried to talk to in Central; the very same girl Edward then led away. He didn't know why it angered him to know she came to see Edward but he knew it wasn't a good idea for her to be there.

He followed and watched as Havoc led the girl to the old trapper's cabin. After she slipped in and Havoc walked away, he decided to confront the Lieutenant over this poor decision.

"Do you think that was a very good idea, Lieutenant Havoc?" Russell asked stepping out from behind a tree as Havoc passed. They were not far from the cabin but far enough away that the occupants would not overhear.

"I'll let you make that decision when the next opportunity arises," Havoc said turning to face the Major, trying hard to maintain a respectful tone.

He didn't care if Edward was willing to put any faith in Russell by letting him have a second chance. Havoc had too much experience in the military and with officers like Russell. Men who were more concerned about getting promoted no matter who they stepped on or harmed along the way. Edward decided to trust Russell but Havoc would continue to keep an eye on the Major. He would not let Russell jeopardize whatever Edward had established. He would always be a loyal dog but loyal to someone who truly deserved it, even if that person kicked the dog around and didn't fully appreciate that loyalty.

"This is really not the time for such things. You should have turned her away." Russell pointed out.

"Wives and girlfriends have always visited the encampments. It's nothing new."

"So _whores_ are allowed to come and go as they please too? I didn't know they were added to the list. This is not something we'd want to happen. It could _distract_ _the_ _men_."

Havoc wished Edward was around to hear Russell just to prove he was not all that worthy of a person. On second thought, the Lieutenant was glad Edward wasn't because if he had heard Erika referred to as a whore it probably would have been impossible to keep him from killing Russell. People did what they could to get by and if a woman felt that was her way then so be it and Havoc was raised to respect women no matter what. He had the memory of a good beating at the hand of his father when he was disrespectful to his mother. It took only that one beating to learn his lesson. He had to restrain himself from not knocking the Major's teeth out.

"Is it really the men your concerned about or yourself? Perhaps you're jealous she came to see Ed and not you." Havoc knew he shouldn't have said it but he couldn't help it and he couldn't stop there.

"You also don't seem too concerned for her safety," he continued. "That the Drachmans could launch an attack upon us at any moment. Strange you didn't mention that but are more concerned about her _distracting_ _the men_."

"Why didn't you tell her to go back where she came from since you seem to have everything figured out?" Russell asked angrily.

"Whether she's here or wandering around in the dark she's still at risk. As an officer, you should have thought of that as well."

Russell glared at Havoc as he walked away.

"Lieutenant," Russell said through clenched teeth. "Don't forget I outrank you. You should watch how you speak to a superior officer."

Havoc turned back and saluted. "I apologize, Major Tringum. Of course you are free to report me to the Lieutenant Colonel if you feel I've been disrespectful. Maybe you can also suggest some new signals so you don't get them mixed up next time."

Havoc turned on his heel and disappeared into the darkness, leaving a fuming Russell behind who knew he would never be able to complain about the Lieutenant to Edward. He realized that even though they were divided, it did not mean a complete conquest for Russell. At least he knew that he was wrong to think that their argument had completely destroyed the trust between the two of them. He was just going to have to be more cautious, especially around the ever watchful eye of the Lieutenant.


	45. Chapter 45

Erika was unable to sleep. Despite being with Edward and feeling at ease that he was safely with her, her mind wouldn't stop running wild with worry and guilt. She knew it was foolish to have followed him; that she would just give him more to worry about, something she had wanted to prevent. When she had last seen him, she knew she was no longer falling for him but she had already done so and it went a lot deeper than a physical crush on someone. She pushed him away, not wanting to get hurt and Edward accepted it. She was arrogant enough to know he understood and would not hold it against her.

Now she wanted him back but she was beginning to feel it was probably too late. At least her reasonable side told her so; to not bother, to just let him go. She cursed her stupid heart for not wanting anything to do with reason. She knew she was being selfish and greedy. She almost didn't care. Seeing him in Central and again after following him, she could see how much he changed. He was no longer the shy, innocent young man. He was a hardened, seasoned soldier who was all too familiar with the ways of the world now. He wasn't completely innocent when she first met him, she could see it in his eyes but what was there had disappeared when she saw him in Central. She wanted it back and hoped it hadn't disappeared for good.

"Edward?" Erika asked after a while, tired of being alone with her thoughts.

"Huh?" Edward said sleepily.

"I want to ask you something."

"What?" He asked sounding a little more aware and irritated. Though she couldn't distract him completely from the nights events having her close had relaxed him and he was almost asleep before she woke him.

"Do you feel like I've taken advantage of you?"

It took Edward a minute to work through the sleepiness that clouded his brain. When he was able to wrap his thoughts around the question, he didn't understand what she meant. If anything he felt like he had taken advantage of her, especially when they were in Central.

"Why do you ask that?" He finally asked in confusion.

"I feel like I've taken away some of your innocence. I keep thinking about when you showed me the drawings. You seemed scared to see yourself like that because you didn't realize you looked like that at times. I think I contributed to some of it."

"It's not like there was much innocence left."

Erika turned in Edward's arm so she could face him. She couldn't see him in the dark but she could tell, from the sound of his voice, that if she could see his eyes they would look just as they did in the sketch that worried him so much.

"There was still much there and I feel like I've stolen it from you. I can't see it anymore and I miss it. I was really selfish to have taken it without your permission."

"Perhaps it was better that way than me just throwing it away as I've done with everything else," Edward said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Erika asked.

"Never mind, at least someone got to enjoy my innocence."

She wanted to take the blame; to make up for pushing him away and for being so foolish to have followed him, pushing her existence back upon him against his will. She knew it would not end the way she wanted but she felt that was her punishment; she more than deserved it. However, Edward was not going to let her assume full responsibility.

"I could have stopped myself too you know," Edward said after a moment. "Do you think you're that irresistible?" He asked teasingly.

"Yes," Erika said simply and smiled, knowing it was pointless to continue trying to take the blame of his lost innocence. She pressed her self closer to Edward, enjoying the feel of his body next to her own.

"I want you to know that I didn't come here alone. It was really stupid to continue on by myself; I was anxious to see you. There are others about twenty miles away."

"Others?"

"When people heard the news that the military was now prepared to re-take the North, they started gathering in groups to follow. Some are wives, looking for their husbands they haven't seen in months but they're mostly people from the North that were driven out by the Drachmans. They want to reclaim their homes. One young woman says her husband is a Lieutenant under your command."

Edward smiled. "That must be Lieutenant Kestrel because Havoc sure isn't married. But it's not safe to follow the army around," Edward continued seriously. "Just because we've pushed the Drachmans back doesn't mean they won't retaliate. They shouldn't be under estimated."

"I know the risks. I've seen what they're capable of doing."

"Were you in the north when they invaded?"

They talked when they spent the three days together in Juniper but it was always about superficial things. Neither seemed willing or eager to share details of their past. It was the one thing they allowed each other, a private agreement that was made without words.

"Yes," Erika whispered. "I've been around men who have been mean and cruel but they're just... I wish I could forget."

"I know," Edward said as he held her tight. The dead girl in the shack still haunted his dreams and he wished he could forget as well. "I've seen what they're capable of."

He felt Erika's hand move and grab hold of his jacket, holding on tight like he was a safety line to keep her from being pulled under by the drowning, terrible memories of her past. They lay together in silence, Edward wide awake now, listening to Erika's breathing as it slowed and deepened into sleep. Her hand relaxed its hold on his uniform and rested gently against his chest. He felt an unusual urge to watch her sleep but he didn't want to turn the lantern on, fearing he'd wake her. He had never thought of it before when they were in Juniper; to watch her sleep. He thought he may never get the chance again and wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. It would be one of the few times to see her completely vulnerable and at peace.

As he laid there looking into the dark, empty blackness of the ceiling his thoughts began to wander. He avoided any worries of what to do about Russell and Havoc. He had a feeling that would have to work itself out on its own somehow. It was not something that was going to be forced into a resolution. It gave him a strange sense of independence; to decide something on his own without seeking approval or wanting it from Havoc. Such choices were bound to happen and he was going to have to make them then accept whatever outcome came from his decision. He knew he would still have to be careful; to not appear to be a know it all and disregard other's opinions. He was going to have the weigh his options and decide what he thought was the best course in the end.

He also began to think about a little organizational restructuring within the troop. If he was going to give Russell a second chance to prove himself he figured why not throw him a little more responsibility to see if the pressure would get him to act more reliably, which Edward was sure he could do. Russell wasn't dumb, he was fourteen when he was conducting experiments with the red water; he was just not used to thinking along the lines of the military. They were used to working alone. Edward adapted and he was sure Russell could do the same, that all he needed was a challenging opportunity to show he could be a team player.

He didn't know how long he laid awake, thinking about his new troop structure. The cabin had lightened a bit when he heard an urgent rapt on the door.

"Lieutenant Colonel," a voice said as it opened the door hesitantly. It was done with a sense of not wanting to disturb Edward's privacy but needing to inform the young Lieutenant Colonel of something very important.

"What is it?" Edward asked as he gently pulled his arm from under Erika and untangled himself successfully from the bed roll without waking her. He was glad he had been able to resist Erika's charms and that he was wide awake. It made it that much easier to spring into action.

He went quickly to the door and saw it was brighter outside with the pale, gray beginnings of dawn. The dark figure at the door blocked the light but the broad shoulders told him it was Sergeant Healy.

"Sir, you're needed immediately," Healy said with a slight tremble in his voice. "Something has happened to two men on guard duty."

Edward felt his stomach drop. If Healy sounded that scared it had to be bad.

"Let's hurry then," Edward said stepping out of the cabin and shutting the door behind him. He didn't want to leave Erika alone but he knew his priority now was learning what made Healy seem so shaken.

In the fading darkness he followed the Sergeant in silence. They walked quickly, crunching through the undergrowth of the forest. Edward caught up with Healy and was able to see the Sergeants profile. He was pale with a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. The man was in shape and the walk through the trees was hardly strenuous. Seeing Healy looking so uneasy made Edward quicken his pace to urge the Sergeant on just as fast to lead him to their destination.

Five minutes later Edward spotted five men from his troop ahead through the dense trees. As he got closer he could distinguish the tall, familiar form of Havoc and Lieutenant Kestrel standing next to him. Sergeant Brody was there along with two other enlisted men. When Edward approached them all five saluted and Havoc stepped forward.

"What's going on?" Edward asked worriedly, the evening's harsh words forgotten.

"These two, Zurin and Chase, came to relieve two men on guard duty," Havoc quickly explained. "They couldn't find them at their post. They went in search of them when Zurin kicked something. He bent down to inspect what it was, thinking it didn't feel like a rock or pine cone. This is what he found."

Havoc proceeded to bend down and lift the corner of someone's borrowed bed roll that had been thrown over the ground. Edward hadn't noticed it at first and the strange lumps the blanket covered made him feel a sense of dread. Upon seeing what was lying under the blanket, Edward closed his eyes, willing his stomach not to launch last night's rations into his throat.

It was two human heads. Edward recognized them from Brody's squad. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like, to lift something up like that and despite it being dark at the time, making it hard to see but just knowing what it was. He thought Zurin a brave man to not panic and yell his head off over such a gruesome discovery. Looking at the two enlisted men now he could see that it took all of their will power to maintain some semblance of human dignity by not completely loosing their own rations just as Edward almost did.

A new surge of emotion soon swept away the revulsion Edward felt when he happened to take a closer look at Brody. Anger. He knew the Drachmans were bastards but this was going too far. He clenched his fists, trying to hold back a string of indignant curses over their hated enemy, knowing it was pointless and wouldn't really help the situation any. Brody too showed the signs of the same thing with a clenched jaw and a pair of deadly, cold eyes that could kill a Drachman with one look if such a thing was possible.

"This was shoved into one of their mouths," Havoc said handing a piece of crumpled paper to Edward who took it reluctantly.

Smoothing it out a hasty scribble could be read: 6

"Six," Edward said looking up at Havoc questioningly.

"We don't know," Havoc answered with a shrug. "We were thinking it might mean six men altogether ended up like this but Lieutenant Kestrel said all the others reported back. We don't know what else it could mean."

Edward stood still, staring down at the paper, making the gears in his head spin faster; to hurry and click into place to figure it out. It happened a lot quicker than he thought it would.

"What time is it, Lieutenant?"

"Ten to six..." Havoc answered then trailed off as he too began to understand what the message meant. "Shit! We've only got ten minutes."

"But ten minutes for what?" Edward said then without thinking, started to head due north, towards the edge of the forest with Havoc at his heals; who waved the other's to stay where they were. They slowed their pace as they came to the edge of an open meadow. It was a picturesque scene with the tall blades of grass swaying in the early morning breeze with a ridge beyond the meadow, framing the beauty of nature. However, all that beauty was ignored when they spotted, on the top of the ridge, a line of artillery pointed in their direction.

Edward and Havoc backed away, running at full speed back to the group they left behind.

"Back to camp and sound the retreat," Edward ordered, slightly out of breath from running. "There's a line of short range artillery pointed at us. We'll have to wait for our support further back."

Removing a map from the inside pocket of his jacket he pointed to a spot with everyone looking down at it. "We'll rendezvous here. Sergeant Brody, stay with me."

Each man, knowing his duty sprung to action, the time for anger or mourning would have to wait. The two enlisted men wrapped the heads of their fallen comrades in the bed roll and took off back towards camp. Everyone else followed close behind Edward as they ran back to prepare the troop for their retreat.


	46. Chapter 46

"Erika!" Edward shouted as he entered the cabin. Erika woke up with a start, hearing the urgency in Edward's voice.

"You have to go now," Edward commanded as he began gathering things into his pack. He checked that his sidearm was loaded and that he had enough ammunition, and then sheathed his knife back into his boot.

"What's going on?" She asked as she started to roll the blanket up.

"Never mind that, there's no time. I just need you to do as I say," he told her stooping next to her, pulling the blanket away. "There's a Drachman army on the other side of a ridge, guns are pointed at this camp and they'll start firing any second now." He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up.

"I'd see to your safety personally but I have to oversee our retreat," he told her as he led her to the cabin door. Before going out he bent and kissed her. She wished he wouldn't kiss her like that. It made it harder to leave him, even though she knew there was no choice.

"The last time I left in a hurry I regretted not doing that," he told her gently. "Sergeant Brody is going to take you back."

"Okay," Erika said breathless from Edward's kiss and worry because of the burden she had placed upon him with her presence.

Then to stress the urgency of the situation several short booming bursts ripped through the air. Seconds later shouts were soon drowned out by the sounds of artillery shells dropping outside, splintering trees and shaking the ground. Edward took Erika by the hand and roughly dragged her out of the cabin.

Sergeant Brody was waiting outside, half crouched; a reactionary position he had taken due to the artillery explosions. Before leaving Erika to Sergeant Brody or getting any more instructions in, Russell came running up to Edward and saluted. He paused for a split second, eyeing Erika and Edward then with a slight nod of his head, as if to clear any unhelpful thoughts shouted, above the loud artillery fire, "Your orders, sir."

"We're retreating till we're out of range. We'll regroup five miles to the southwest, sector D4," Edward said, his eyes boring in Russell's. He wanted to convey how important it was to follow his orders, that he would not accept another failure; that Russell couldn't afford another mistake.

Russell understood and of course it grated on him. However, if he was to capitalize on this second chance it was to start doing so now. Perhaps there was something else he could capitalize on.

"What about your friend? My team is ready to head out, she should come along with us ahead of the troop," he suggested.

Edward narrowed his eyes but knew it was not the best time for his jealously to cloud his judgment. He looked at Erika who didn't look too pleased with the idea as she eyed Russell warily. Edward knew Russell's idea was best but he could tell Erika didn't want to be left in the care of the Major.

"You'll take Sergeant Brody along as well," Edward answered him but looking at Erika.

There seemed to be a silent argument between the two, within the heartbeat their eyes met and held.

_It's not a guarantee to get away safely but it's better than nothing, _it looked like Edward was telling her telepathically.

_I don't trust him and I don't really care if I'm blown into a million pieces, _the frown on Erika's brow conveyed.

_But I do._

It was an answer to both of her concerns and Edward won the argument. But Erika knew it was the only thing he would accept as an apology for her stupidity of following him in the first place. She tore her eyes away from his unwillingly and closed them briefly to burn the intensity of his golden eyes into her memory, fearing it would be the last time she saw them.

"Come along, miss," Sergeant Brody urged with a slight tug on her arm.

Reluctantly she released Edward's hand, noticing he had slackened his hold seconds before, waiting for her to loosen her iron grip. Erika felt bad when she realized her nails had been digging into his skin. She looked down briefly at her fingers and saw faint traces of blood under her fingernails. Following after the Sergeant she looked straight ahead, ignoring the Major as he watched her before turning around himself to lead the way. After running a few yards she risked a backwards glance. Edward had already disappeared. Explosions erupting behind them in the spot they had just left made her turn back around and focus on getting herself out of there in the hopes of seeing Edward again, alive.

* * *

The troop was chased by the Drachman artillery, adjusted to keep a constant fire pointed at their backs. Their rendezvous point was a two hour quick march and would be just out of range of the Drachman guns, providing them with some breathing room and a chance to rest after the long trek.

During the journey he could barely hear himself issuing orders and wondered if anyone really heard him, that they were just moving according to instinct, from drills beat into them till their actions were second nature, like breathing.

As Edward's troop made the mad scramble to their point of safety, he had called ahead about their support they had been waiting for in the forest. He was assured they would meet up with his troop along with artillery for their use. He was also ordered to use the support any way he saw fit to clear off the ridge, and then continue to Ulen in order to help cut the Drachmans supply to Kellroy as soon as possible. Despite the uneasy situation in New Optain, they were going to launch one, full scale attack upon Kellroy. They would only have this one chance. It would deplete their reserves and ammunition so it was necessary for the Drachman troops to be cut off from their own support and be literally surrounded by Amestrians. Hopefully they would surrender without too much loss.

Once arriving at the rendezvous, Edward had to wait another hour for their support. In the meantime he used it to plan his next move. Despite the echoing of the distant Drachman guns and only having a limited time Edward remained focused as he looked down at his map, marking the place where they had been camped, where the Drachmans had their artillery placed, the range of that artillery and their current position. He had two days before New Optain's attack. Everything from the night before had been forgotten. To Edward the events could have happened to some other officer named Edward in the Amestrian military. He didn't even bother to check whether Brody had continued on ahead, escorting Erika to safety; he was that absorbed trying to decide how he would deploy his troops to take out a line of artillery that had the advantage on high ground. It was harder still not knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the fresh troop that was on its way.

When Edward was ready he spoke and everyone listened. There was no time for second guesses or making suggestions. Someone had to make a decision and that had fallen upon Edward, who didn't seem to want any advice at the moment. He had a quick meeting with his own officers, giving them rapid fire instructions that he made clear would not be repeated. When he was done his officers scattered to start issuing orders of their own. As his troop carried out their preparations their support arrived with the happy addition of the artillery that Edward was eager to put to use. This would be the first time he would get to give the orders where to direct artillery fire. It gave him a thrill to know it would be based on his own decision and not having to depend on someone else. He would be able to give the correct, precise instructions and did not have to wait for approval of any requests. The freedom made it that much easier to feel confident instead of a nervous anxiousness whether his plan would work or not.

Edward would have been extremely happy if things had gone as planned but that was not always the case when dealing with an untested, inexperienced support troop with artillery to match. They knew how to load, aim and fire, just not as quickly or intuitively as Edward would have liked. As their guns started to answer the Drachmans, they continued their own onslaught and soon released their own troops, knowing Amestrian ones were on the way and artillery fire did not necessarily have the precision of a well aimed rifle.

"I thought I told you this," Edward said through gritted teeth, flinching as a shell dropped nearby. They had made it back to their destroyed forest of cover and it continued to take a beating. It wasn't the forest that Edward wanted his own guns to be reducing to toothpicks; it was the meadow where a troop of Drachmans had emerged from behind the ridge and taken position in the meadow in anticipation of Edward's troop. It was there the Amestrian guns should be tearing through the ranks enough to make the Drachmans fall back.

"Every fifteen minutes you are to adjust your guns to fire fifty yards further out. It's been twenty minutes since you last adjusted and you're dropping shells all over us!"

There was a string of static apologies overheard through the communications line.

"Don't waste time apologizing! Give the order to stop firing now!" Edward interrupted having to restrain himself from crushing the receiver in his right hand. The static stopped then a couple seconds later the bombing ceased dramatically.

"Now," Edward said through gritted teeth as the voice returned on the line, trying very hard to keep a patient tone to his voice. "Adjust the guns to fire fifty yards ahead of us."

Havoc and Healy chuckled as they crouched near Edward, enjoying the scene of their Lieutenant Colonel trying to maintain some patience. Edward shot them a dirty look, not finding any humor in the situation.

"You want some friendly advice?" Havoc asked sarcastically. Before Edward could answer he went on, "Just send Major Tringum to command the artillery. I'm sure he could remember simple instructions like that."

Edward rolled his eyes not in the mood for Havoc's sarcasm. He knew what his Lieutenant was doing but Edward was determined to ignore him. The support troop was proving to be zero help and Edward was beginning to think he could have followed his orders without them. He felt like he was babysitting. Lieutenant Kestrel did his best but he was getting frustrated with the hand holding. He had nearly taken over for the incompetent Captain of the three additional squads that had come along with the deal, which Edward was starting to consider as extremely shitty.

"You know, maybe that's not such a bad idea," Edward said glaring at Havoc, whose smirk wiped clean and was replaced with a look of confusion then realization.

"Get Major Tringum over here," Edward directed at Healy, then into the receiver, "Now fire!"

Their guns started firing again, avoiding their position to everyone's great relief. As Healy sent someone off to bring Major Tringum over, Havoc leaned in closer to Edward and hissed in his ear, "You can't be serious."

"Why not?" Edward challenged tossing the receiver back to Healy. "It was your idea."

"I was obviously joking. Now is not the time to try and prove me wrong. Which won't happen by the way."

"Oh, I think it will. Besides, I can't think of a better way to give him a second chance."

"I still don't trust him."

"I am aware of that."

"He could easily blow us up and blame it on the Drachmans."

"How about a bet?" Edward offered.

"Ed, be serious ..." But he knew it was a lost cause to argue against the Major.

"Our next ration of cigarettes."

Havoc didn't want to bet over something as important as this and especially not for his next supply of cigarettes. But he knew he had lost the bet before accepting and was already mourning. He no longer cared that Edward and his confidence would end up proving him wrong. He was more worried about the lack of towns nearby where he could purchase any more cigarettes. He would have to buy them off of someone and they'd charge a fortune just for the hell of it because they knew they could and they knew someone, desperate enough, would actually pay their high prices.

"Pick something else," Havoc pleaded.

"No way," Edward said, with a lopsided grin. It was not only a grin of victory but also knowing that the rift between him and Havoc was on the mend. "I'm going to enjoy smoking your rations knowing how I got it."

Havoc groaned, thinking he should have kept his mouth shut to begin with.


	47. Chapter 47

Edward didn't get a chance to gloat over his win. Not immediately that is.

Russell had actually done a good job and kept the guns firing as Edward wanted. He was impressed but could see Havoc wasn't. The Lieutenant was quieter than usual giving Edward the impression he was still anticipating something to go horribly wrong. It put Edward on edge. If Havoc was still worried about something then there was good reason to be. He was never one to make a big deal out of nothing.

However, Edward still couldn't understand exactly what it was that made Havoc so completely distrustful of Russell. Sure, Russell had been a pain in the ass and he did shoot annoying looks at Edward who also didn't like the way he looked at Erika… other than that he was alright and a skilled alchemist.

Edward wasn't too fond of Mustang, still wasn't in fact, and the Fuhrer was his commanding officer so it was nothing new to him for subordinates to perhaps feel some kind of resentment towards those who outranked them. Edward didn't want to think so but he wondered if Russell was perhaps a little jealous of him. He was only a year older than Russell and had a command of his own. Perhaps the younger alchemist was ambitious. But Edward refused to believe that Russell would put anyone at risk for his ambition.

They succeeded in cutting off the Drachmans. Once Edward's troop punched a hole through the Drachmans lines, more Amestrian troops were sent in to help attack the Drachmans to the east and west. The Drachmans in Kellroy to the east where surrounded but it still took weeks of constant fighting with little rest before the town was recaptured and the Drachmans soon evacuated from Ulen. It was a minor victory, the only win since they dragged themselves out of the trenches. Edward's troop was allowed two days of rest.

Edward couldn't wait to return to base camp for some rest and he hoped to see Erika again. He also couldn't wait to be rid of Havoc or of any of the men for that matter. After seeing Erika again it struck up a desire to be around someone who wasn't so filthy and bad tempered but more soft and delicate. He missed Erika's calming touch and the fire in her eyes when she looked at him. He was really starting to realize how much fun a female companion could be. It was easy and just as much fun to get rowdy and drunk, playing cards and poking fun at the men. But he remembered Erika's giggles and flirty smiles that were much more enjoyable.

When they arrived at the camp and settled in, Edward made a thorough sweep, hoping to find Erika around. When he didn't find her he tried not to be too disappointed or jump to conclusions that she had disappeared again. There were a lot of people in the camp and it was easy to overlook someone. He didn't worry too much, especially when his ego got a bit of a boost when he noticed a fair amount of women in the camp who watched him, as he passed, with interest. But he still wanted to see Erika and hoped she'd turn up sooner or later. In the meantime he decided to claim his winnings from his bet with Havoc.

When Edward found the Lieutenant he was in a lousy mood. It wasn't just the loss of his cigarettes but the way he lost them. He knew Russell wasn't to be trusted and Havoc felt bad for hoping he would fail; because if he had, it could have been disastrous to their troop. But he just couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to blow up in their face with Russell around. He didn't want to be around when it did or if possible, he wanted to prevent it. He didn't know if he could, though, not with Edward looking so smug and confident that he made the right choice to give Russell another chance to prove himself.

Even Russell seemed to be gloating. _No, not seemed_, Havoc corrected. He knew the Major was gloating but trying very hard not to make it too obvious, especially with Edward nearby. That's when the Major would lay on the humble act real thick, suddenly the courteous and ever grateful officer. Havoc didn't buy into it.

Then there was Lieutenant Kestrel. Everyone knew he was married and grew tired of his bragging about how cute and young his wife was. Nobody really believed a young pretty thing would have anything to do with a troll like Kestrel. Havoc had to admit that it may have been going too far, calling Kestrel a troll - who was more of the tall, dark and ruggedly handsome type that for some reason women liked - that is was more out of envy that some of the men in the troop referred to him as one; but only when he started to go on and on about his wife. Of course the Second Lieutenant wasn't lying and Havoc cursed his rotten luck for the millionth time when Kestrel found his perky young wife at the base camp, anxiously waiting for him.

Havoc sighed miserably as he walked away muttering that such conduct was inappropriate for an officer. Kestrel smiled wickedly, ignoring Havoc or perhaps just rubbing it in - which is what Havoc knew he was doing - lifted his wife off her feet and went in search of a more private location.

Then of course Havoc spotted Erika when he went in search of some booze to drown his sorrows in and in hope of finding his own company. Erika was in the medical tent, changing the bandages for a soldier who had lost a leg. He figured he'd tell Edward, for Erika's sake, since she seemed to have been working hard and was probably anticipating seeing Edward again. But the young alchemist spoiled it for himself, unknowingly, when he approached Havoc for his carton of cigarettes.

The prize was handed over and Havoc left Edward in a huff in search of some more to buy and the liquor he so desperately needed. Later in the evening when he settled down to play a few hands of cards with Brody and Healy, he hoped for some luck and went on with his evening getting extremely drunk and a little belligerent.

Edward soon joined them and Havoc silently cheered when he arrived alone. Havoc understood it may not stay that way for long but at least he'd get his chance to gloat over something in the meantime.

Edward hadn't been playing cards long when he saw her and it was that exact moment when she saw him as well. He had a little too much to drink so it was very hard to hold back the smirk and concentrate on the game at hand. It had been a rather entertaining evening. Mostly at the cost of Havoc, who, as the night wore on, drank just a bit more than everyone else and kept up a constant string of curses and grumblings over his bad luck that included everything from women to cards then the world in general. Edward knew with Erika's presence it would just rub salt in his wounded ego but he didn't care.

However, he didn't want to look too eager to see Erika. He was in a bit of a flirtatious mood and was feeling the need to forget some things for a moment. The last two weeks were tiring and even more so with the constant stress of whether Russell would prove reliable or not, despite his outward confidence the entire time.

Also, some of the other women in the camp were distracting and even though there was no concrete agreement between the two of them, he still felt a sense of loyalty to Erika. Plus there was a shallowness to him, especially when drunk, that appreciated how much prettier she was compared to the others. He held out for her and was tempted to give in. He would have if she hadn't appeared just in time.

She approached, with a teasing smile, watching him watching her. As part of the flirtatious ritual he tore his eyes away from her to concentrate back on the card game. Just as she came to stand next to him he gave her a sideways glance without moving his head. Then with no advance warning, his reflexes much quicker than hers, he grabbed her by the waist and brought her down across his lap. She let out a surprised yelp that was a victory for Edward, knowing it was not an easy thing to catch her off guard. With his right arm around her, holding her securely, he gently leaned in, forcing her backward till she was on the ground and Edward hovered over her, his eyes burning into hers.

Erika had to remind herself to breathe as she felt herself reduced to a helpless mass in his arms. He smiled. Not just any smile but a smile that had conceit, arrogance and self-assurance all rolled into one. A smile that told her he knew all too well what she wanted and was not surprised by it. In any other man Erika would be only too happy to break such a front down but not with Edward. She loved the way it made her pulse race. She felt she should want to break it down, that she should be angry with someone five years younger than herself who had the ability to make her feel like a silly girl reading a romance novel, dreaming of such a man with the kind of confidence Edward was displaying in that moment. It wasn't right for him to have become even more painfully handsome, especially since she knew he was not completely hers. It hurt though, because she knew from this moment that all she would be able to get was this side of him but her need for him made her not care; she'd take what she could get. She wondered vaguely if he really knew what he was doing; if he understood how potent he was. He was playing with fire but the only one that would end up getting burned would be Erika.

"Fuck, Ed," Havoc grumbled. "You could have waited till we finished this hand."

Edward didn't acknowledge the Lieutenant. He continued to hold Erika's gaze as he spoke. "He's a little grouchy tonight."

"Why's that?" Erika asked with laughing eyes.

"Lieutenant Kestrel forgot to mention he wasn't lying when he bragged about his wife being very, very cute," Edward said, then added without any fluster. "But of course not as cute as you."

"You'd better say that."

"I don't say it against my will."

"That fucking bastard," Havoc complained again. "How does a troll like him get a pretty young wife like that? I thought she'd be a homely, skinny girl who felt like he was the best thing she'd ever get. This is bull shit."

"I think he's a little jealous too," Edward said with a wink.

"And you," Havoc continued. "Do you have to make a spectacle of yourself? I can't take this shit anymore. Why don't you just rub salt in my eye? It's the same damn thing."

Edward turned to smirk at Havoc who rolled his eyes and took another drink from his bottle that was nearing its end.

"I think we've tortured him enough," Erika said trying to push Edward away before she was too dizzy to stand. But it felt like she was pushing against an immovable boulder. She noticed that he was no longer looking at the Lieutenant but over his head, at a shadowy figure behind him.

"Something wrong, Major?" Edward asked.

To Erika it sounded like he was trying very hard not to display outward suspicion or annoyance but being drunk made it difficult, especially with Russell staring at the two of them with cold, hard eyes. Erika could see and feel the jealousy, radiating from the two young men. She held her breath, silently willing Russell to just walk away.

"No," Russell said. It took him another second to compose himself before properly answering Edward. "I mean no, sir. I was just passing by." Then he staggered backwards, turned and walked away, disappearing into the crowded rows of tents and camp fires.

Edward continued to stare after him. Erika, relieved that Russell had left, felt the quickening of Edward's breathing and knew things were not completely settled.

"I told you," Havoc said feeding the fire of Edward's jealousy.

Edward locked his flashing eyes upon Havoc who met them without flinching.

"Why don't you go away and ruin someone else's evening," Edward said rudely.

"I was here first," Havoc pointed out petulantly.

"Edward, let's go," Erika said pushing against him again to get him moving.

"Yes, please go," Havoc agreed under his breath.

Erika closed her eyes in annoyance with the Lieutenant. He was not making it easy for Edward to calm down. She noticed the two Sergeants sitting quietly. They looked like they wanted to disappear, not wanting anything to do with the tension between the two officers so therefore they would not be of any help. So Erika took matters into her hands the only way she knew how. She leaned forward and began to nuzzle Edward's neck, hoping she could still distract him; that with him being drunk it would make it easier than the last time. She placed her hand on the other side of his neck and felt for his wildly beating pulse, understanding that it was due to her this time.

"You win," he said with a strained whisper. He got up, bringing Erika along with him. Without looking back at Havoc he took her by the hand and went in search of a spot where they could be alone together.


	48. Chapter 48

It was very easy for Edward to forget about everything once he allowed Erika to distract him completely.

Instead of letting him lead her back to his tent she directed him out of the base camp. They walked silently through a thin wooded area, the light of the full moon lighting their way, though the brightness didn't keep Edward from stumbling now and then. They followed along a small path that was worn and easy to follow. There was a light breeze that swayed the branches. Edward liked the way the shadows played and danced across them. Getting a little carried away with their surroundings and still slightly drunk he pulled Erika back to kiss her. She complied but before they went too far Erika pulled away and smiled, tugging at his hand to follow her. He did so even though he was starting to grow impatient.

As they emerged from the trees a dark, nearly motionless lake spread out before them. Still following Erika's lead they continued towards the shore line.

"Did you really want to be stuck in a stuffy old tent?" Erika asked looking back at Edward, raising an eyebrow up at him.

"Actually," he said pulling her close again. "I don't really care where we go."

Erika gently pulled his arms away smiling at his impatience. "We'll find a more private spot."

Edward heard the quiet giggles and saw the other shadows, drifting along the shore. He hadn't given them much thought. He was more concerned with how much longer he was going to have to wait.

They continued along the lake in silence, their fingers entwined together. Erika still led the way, her lighted path leading her to a spot she had picked out in hopes of seeing Edward at the camp. It was much easier to see the ground without the trees, the sky cloudless with a full moon blazing overhead. After walking for another ten minutes Erika guided him to their left where a tree stood surrounded by tall grass and some bushes. They sat together, watching the dark lake, the wind creating gentle ripples that the moonlight reflected off of. Edward wasn't too interested in the view at first. But Erika was adamant that he sit still and enjoy the quiet peace. He did as he was told reluctantly.

As the time passed he was glad she was so insistent he take it easy. He found it amazing how quiet it was. It was so much more relaxing than the sounds of rifle fire and artillery exploding all around. He also realized it had been awhile since he just sat, doing absolutely nothing, letting his mind wander and enjoying the sounds and views of nature. He had been going full steam ahead for years and never did he try to stop and just do nothing. He knew why he didn't. He was always afraid of being consumed by his guilt for the mistakes he'd made. It was bad enough it happened naturally and haunted him in his sleep; he didn't want to spoil a peaceful moment with his guilt so he tried to avoid them.

Sitting where he was, listening to the gentle breeze sweeping through the trees, gliding over the water creating the small waves that broke against the lakeshore, he didn't feel consumed by his guilt. He knew he should, that he didn't have the right to enjoy such things, he hadn't made amends yet but it was like he was giving himself a break from it. He thought if things worked out the way he hoped then all could be right in the world.

He began to think that if Russell continued to do a good job, Havoc would eventually give up and put some trust in the Major. If that thorn could be extracted it would create a more positive feeling within the troop. They had also just reclaimed two towns from the Drachmans. Things were looking up with the war. It was a time to rejoice and enjoy the victory. Edward felt that if they progressed like this the war would be over soon. Then, once it was over, perhaps some of his guilt would be eased; that he had been part of something that helped the people of Amestris. It would more than make up for his past mistakes. He looked forward to those future accomplishments and being in the good mood he was in at the moment, he felt there was no doubt that everything would run smoothly from now on. Wanting to spread his good mood he turned to Erika with a smile.

"It's really nice here," he said. "I'm glad you brought me."

Erika grinned back. "Good."

"Now can we continue?" He asked as he leaned over her, gently guiding her backwards. He had enjoyed the peace and quiet but still, he was never one to sit still for long. He was also a hormonal teenager who wanted to express his good mood.

"Not yet," Erika giggled, as he tickled her ear with his teeth. "Just sit and enjoy the view a little longer. We've only been here five minutes."

Edward sighed impatiently, his breath stirring her soft, brown hair. "You're waiting for me to sober up."

"Perhaps," Erika said with her teasing smile.

"I think I'm more charming drunk," Edward said as he left a trail of kisses down her neck.

"Maybe," she agreed trying to keep her wits about her. "But I'd like to see the real you tonight at some point before you pass out on me."

Edward paused for a moment, thinking about that. He started to feel a little nervous about what she meant but tried not to let it worry him too much as he continued to on with another trail of kisses.

"Drunk or sober, I'm rude and obnoxious no matter what."

"I like it when you're rude and obnoxious but I know that's not all there is to you."

He sat back up, feeling extremely clear headed suddenly. There was a time when Edward had tried his hardest to just understand how Erika felt about him. When he knew she cared that had been enough. He cared for her too and tried to show her but he didn't think there was anything else left to do. He wasn't too sure about letting her know his real self. There was a lot he kept buried away. A lot of things he had done and was not proud of. Were those the kind of things she wanted to know or was it simpler, like what his favorite color was? He could handle that and favorite foods, his total disgust for milk and maybe brief details about his family but anything else; he wasn't ready to share with anyone at this point of his life. He didn't realize that being with her so intimately would mean revealing things that he kept hidden; that she would want to know. She had never expressed interest before and he liked that she didn't.

He was afraid to ask what she wanted to know and he didn't want her to start probing. They could both easily distract each other and were both pretty capable of rebuffing each other as well. But Edward suddenly felt much more capable of distracting Erika than she could do to him. So, giving Erika a taste of her own medicine he caught her up in a kiss. It wasn't just any kind of flirty, teasing kiss. He kissed her like he did when he came back to see her in Central. He caught her off guard. He could tell she thought she was in control and he had allowed it but no more. He felt her gasp of surprise and it felt like she wanted to break off but she quickly relaxed, holding him close like she'd lose him.

He knew it was probably a mistake. That he was leading her on, making things worse. But at the same time he still wanted her close and he quickly lost control of himself when she didn't push him away and felt her frantically reaching for the buttons on his jacket.

Afterward, Edward suddenly felt the need to apologize. "Erika, I'm sor..."

He felt her hand cover his mouth.

"Don't say anything, Edward," she said gently. He could see she didn't look up at him accusingly the way he expected. It was the same, amused look he remembered from Juniper. She smiled at him reassuringly. "You're like a character from a romance novel; a golden, conquering hero."

That caught Edward by surprise. He didn't know what she was talking about. He felt she should hit him or something. Accuse him of being a jerk for leading her on because that was what it felt like he was doing; that he was just playing with her emotions and taking advantage of her and her willingness.

"I don't want to conquer anything," he said quietly.

"It's too late for that. You already have," Erika said, placing her hand on the side of his face, admiring the way the moonlight reflected in his golden eyes. "You'll continue to conquer and move on until you're ready to stop. But I'm not ready for you to move on yet."

"I shouldn't be doing this to you," Edward said guiltily.

"It's okay. We're both forgetting my advice. We're both young and should be enjoying ourselves when we can."

"Is that what you really want?" Edward asked incredulously. It seemed like such a contradiction to her recent actions. If this was all for fun, as she was implying, and nothing more, then why did she follow him? He wondered why she would go through all the trouble. Her tears and worries that she'd never see him again, what were they really about then?

"Yes, if it gives me more time with you," Erika said seriously. "I won't make you do or say anything you don't want to."

She had to quickly pull herself together mentally. It was hard for her to say those things but as she built her wall back up quickly, it became a little easier. She knew Edward wasn't ready for anything more but she let herself get carried away with her love for him. She had allowed him to see her vulnerable side but it would have to be done away with now. Being so exposed had given her such a freedom she had not felt before but it was short lived. It just made her say something that scared him, causing him to retreat. She cursed herself for being such a fool. She was well aware how young and inexperienced he still was. She shouldn't have expected or asked any more from him. She could see he needed more convincing.

"You are just too addicting," she told him, her tone softening; slipping back into playfulness. "I need to get all I can from you before you're bored with me."

"I could never get bored of you," he said.

"With your short attention span, I doubt that."

"I don't have a short attention span," he said defensively; the word _short_ was still something he hated to hear when it referred to him in some way, even if it didn't imply to his height.

"Then prove it," Erika challenged with a little twinkle in her eye.

Edward leaned down to kiss her again but stopped, searching her eyes, looking for a sign that she was bluffing, that she wasn't lying to him, that he wasn't hurting her in any way; he just wanted something that he could grab a hold of to understand. But he didn't see anything; just the amusement and the longing, nothing different than what he had been used to in Juniper. He figured she had just been carried away by the moment. He often felt like it himself. It was very easy to do when they were together. _If that's what she wants then. So be it_, he thought before leaning down to kiss her.

"I think I created a monster," she said panting, when they separated. She kept her eyes closed so Edward wouldn't see her resolve that was slipping just a little.

Edward chuckled as he let his lips glide gently along her jaw line, purposely avoiding looking at her for the moment.

She was glad she had been able to keep him from worrying too much about what he was doing, whether it was right or not. She had destroyed so much of his innocence already she felt it didn't matter anymore. She had meant what she said, even if it did hurt. If she could just be with him like this a little longer, she would be happy. It was her punishment to not have him all to herself forever after taking so much away from him.

"Remember, no promises," she said breathlessly.

Edward hesitated a moment before agreeing, "I know."


	49. Chapter 49

While Edward was away Erika spent her time volunteering in the medical tents. Her, along with other volunteers, were more than welcomed. Many of the volunteers consisted of the wives of soldiers at the front. Others were from the surrounding area to help with the war effort. The more time they spent caring for the wounded, by changing beddings, bandages, cleaning wounds and wiping sweaty brows; their extra hands allowed the more qualified nurses and medics, who had been the ones to perform those duties, the chance to use their specialized skills to assist with surgeries and stay close to the frontlines, catching the worse cases before it was too late.

Erika performed her share of the simple but necessary duties. At first it was difficult; the smell of blood and gangrene not really the most pleasant scent. She could still smell the rotting flesh at times when she fell asleep at night. Sometimes it didn't bother her as she went about her business, too exhausted to even notice; hers, like the other volunteer's time, was used to the fullest. The hardest thing about the job was the fear that she'd come face to face with Edward, fatally wounded.

There were other things that made it hard for her to go about her daily tasks. She hadn't realized how popular she was in Central and how many officers recognized her. Many mistook her reasons for being there. There was a lot of sidestepping and explaining to be done. It was just as tiring as the work was around the makeshift hospitals. Many offered good money but it no longer tempted her. She was there for Edward and Edward only. He was the only who could tempt her in any way.

He caught her by surprise one day. She hadn't heard of his troop coming in for a brief furlough, so she wasn't expecting him.

She was busy pulling fresh linens off the line to put up more clean laundry, the summer sun making it easy to wash and dry them quickly. She felt an arm snake around her waist and a soft kiss on the back of her neck. She stiffened in shock, which soon turned to nervousness then hope. She was almost positive it was Edward but there were other officers who took such liberties from her when she wasn't careful.

"Edward?"

"Who else would it be?" He murmured against her neck feeling her relax. He was about to turn her around when he realized that she said his name with a question mark, almost as if she was unsure it was him. He expected her to be surprised at first; he did sneak up on her. But he thought she should have relaxed before asking who it was. In fact he didn't think she had to ask in the first place.

"Erika," Edward asked sternly, a flame of jealousy erupting within him. "Has anyone...?"

She noticed the change in his attitude immediately and turned around to intercept it. "I missed you," she said with a wide smile and sparkling eyes.

She could see him searching her face for something. She watched him go through several emotions as he did so. Jealousy was certainly there, nervousness, perhaps some fear; fear for her safety she wondered, feeling elated at the thought. She knew he cared but it was still nice to see it. She even liked the thought of him being jealous too. But she couldn't allow him to continue. He had more important things to worry about than her. She was there to help him forget and to be with him when she could. But it was getting harder because she still wanted more and she knew not to expect it.

He seemed to understand by her front that it was nothing serious; she could take care of herself. It also looked like he reminded himself of something else; she was also free to do as she wanted. She had given that freedom to Edward and it was only right she had the same.

Edward returned her smile. "I've missed you, too."

"Let me finish here then we can arrange some time for ourselves," she said then sealed it with a kiss.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, thank you. You have your job and it doesn't include folding laundry," she said pushing him to sit on an old tree stump nearby. "Just wait here and take it easy. You look like you could use some rest."

Edward did as he was told, after stealing another kiss from her. She giggled playfully then went back to work.

He wasn't there long. He had just lit a cigarette when he heard rushing footsteps. He thought it was for him but didn't recognize the Lieutenant through the slim space left by the hanging bed sheets. The young officer, who looked to be in his mid-twenties, stopped before Erika, on the other side of a sheet she just finished hanging. Erika was usually patient and kind at these times. She wasn't necessarily trying to run away from her past but she wanted a break. She couldn't hold it against anyone who didn't know, only going on her past reputation. She knew it was her own fault because she knew what the officer was coming to her for. But it didn't keep back the sudden desire she had to punch the Lieutenant in the nose for bothering her in front of Edward.

"Hi, Erika," the man said with an eager look on his face.

"Hello," Erika said not making eye contact. She bent down to lift the basket full of wet laundry to continue hanging, hoping he'd get the hint that she was busy and did not have the time to talk.

The young Lieutenant did not get the hint, however, as he followed along after her. He had completely overlooked Edward sitting behind Erika, watching the Lieutenant carefully as he tried to maintain his jealousy.

"I almost didn't believe some of the other officers when they said you were here. Do you remember me from Central?"

"No," Erika said rudely. She hoped to be rid of him quickly, thinking her rude, uninterested behavior would make him see there was no point in pursuing her. Usually it took time with some convincing and promises that would go unfulfilled but she wasn't willing to go through the trouble at the moment.

"Well, it's been a while," the young officer said completely oblivious to her rudeness. "Look, I'm wondering if you're free later this evening."

"No, I'm busy." _Please just go away you fool_, she thought. She didn't want Edward to feel he had to get involved. She could see him, out the corner of her eye, fuming and ready to say something.

"Well, how about another time," the officer pressed. He heard she was always available. All the other officers hinted to the fact. What he didn't realize was that they were lying just to protect their egos after being rejected by Erika numerous times.

"Lieutenant!"

The young officer snapped to attention hearing the official tone of a superior officer. As Edward approached, the Lieutenant saw Edward and the insignia on his shoulder, for the first time and visibly swallowed out of embarrassment for overlooking Lieutenant Colonel.

Edward could no longer watch the Lieutenant make a fool of himself over Erika, especially with the eager and hopeful look on the man's face. He knew Erika wanted nothing to do with him and Edward wanted the Lieutenant to go away as well.

"Sir, I apologize. I did not see you there or else I would have saluted immediately," he hurriedly explained.

"How long is your furlough?"

"I go back to the front tomorrow, sir." The Lieutenant answered with a note of confusion.

"Good, then you have time to hang the rest of this laundry for the nurse here. I'm sure she'd appreciate it after working so hard for our comrades, making sure they have fresh bandages and clean linens to sleep on."

The Lieutenant was stuck. Of course he didn't want to hang laundry but he also didn't want to appear ungrateful for the hard work of a nurse. He also couldn't make an excuse; the Lieutenant Colonel already knew he was on furlough and not due back till the next day.

"Yes, sir," he said quietly, with a touch of misery and disappointment. "I'd be happy to be of service."

"Nurse," Edward said. "Go ahead and drop what you're doing. The Lieutenant will finish up for you."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Erika said with a faked, grateful smile. "I really appreciate this."

Edward held out his hand for Erika to take. Before leaving he had to make just one more comment. "When you're done with that, Lieutenant, see to the other duties of this lovely nurse. She deserves a break too."

"Yes, sir," the Lieutenant said resignedly, as he ducked under the line to pick up where Erika left off. He would have muttered something of higher ranking officers pushing their weight around but thought better of it in case the Lieutenant Colonel overheard and end up adding more to the order.

Erika and Edward suppressed their laughter until they were far enough away from the poor Lieutenant, who was now stuck under the hot afternoon sun hanging laundry, while wearing an even hotter blue uniform.

Erika loved hearing Edward's laugh and liked the carefree sparkle in his eyes. It was the first time she'd ever seen him like this; as a free young man without a care in the world. She wished it would last forever. It made her feel like she was a teenager again as they walked hand in hand alone through an empty field.

"Are you really able to order men around like that?"

"I can order them to do whatever I want, as long as I outrank them."

"Isn't that an abuse of power?" Erika asked teasingly.

"Yes," Edward admitted without a trace of guilt. "But would you rather be hanging laundry or here with me?"

"Well, let me think about that."

"What's there to think about?" Edward said trying to sound offended as he grabbed her by the waist and spun her around.

He lost his footing and fell down with Erika landing on him, laughing.

"Okay, you convinced me," she said as she propped herself up and looked down at him. "I'd rather be here with you like this."

She leaned down to kiss him but Edward stopped her.

"Do they bother you a lot?"

She sighed, not liking the sudden change in his mood. She leaned down to kiss him again and met no resistance this time. When they parted she looked him in the eye and said, "It doesn't matter. I can take care of myself."

"Are you sure?" He asked not certain he could believe her. He tried not to let his jealousy show. If she wanted to be with someone else she could. But if she wanted to reject others, that was her right and it should be respected. It was the men who wouldn't take no for an answer that worried him.

"Yes," she stressed convincingly.

"Okay," he said believing her then leaned forward for another kiss.

When she saw Edward again a couple weeks later, he was so exhausted he skipped dinner and went straight to his tent, telling his officer's not to disturb him. He wanted to be alone with Erika but he didn't have the energy to do much else. He ended up falling asleep immediately with Erika in his arms.

It wasn't too long after he fell asleep that he felt the useless shaking to get him to wake up. But the dream was so real, so horrifying that he was convinced he was awake. If he wasn't, then he didn't deserve to wake up. He brought these dreams upon himself, it was only right he suffer through them. But when the dreams became too much and he tried to yell out to stop them, he couldn't. It felt like he was being suffocated. He tried to fight against it and almost won, feeling their suffocating weakness overcome by his own strength. But that weakness grew stronger suddenly and he could no longer fight against it until, finally, he had to wake up so he could hope to breathe again.

He looked around wildly, the lantern turned up to cast a dim light making Havoc just barely visible as he hovered over Edward. The Lieutenant's hand slowly moved away from his mouth. Erika was beside him, her eyes scared and her face tear streaked.

"You alright, Ed?" Havoc asked, sounding worried but looking at Edward with relief.

"Yeah," Edward said catching his breath.

"Lucky I heard you as I was passing by."

"Thanks," Edward said ever grateful for the Lieutenant, despite the strain to their friendship due to their difference of opinion lately.

"Don't want anyone thinking the Lieutenant Colonel is having a mental breakdown," Havoc joked. His joking words did not match the look of his face. The relief was soon replaced with tiredness after fighting to keep Edward from thrashing around so violently. Havoc got up to leave. When he was gone, Edward turned his attention to Erika.

"You okay?" He asked worriedly. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," Erika said. During the quick exchange between Edward and Havoc she had been able to compose herself. She dried her eyes quickly so he wouldn't see how much his dream worried her; how much it had scared her. It wasn't the first time she had witnessed him dreaming like that. What bothered her most was what caused it. She wanted to know what haunted this young man that would make him cry out like that. It was nothing like the feverish dreams of wounded soldiers, fresh out of surgery. Their fear stricken pleas for someone to help them were common.

With Edward there was hardly any fear in the early mumblings of the dream. It was sadness and pain with a lot of guilt. He would ask for forgiveness and apologize over and over again before the dream seemed to switch and it was like he was fighting for his life.

"Edward," Erika said quietly. "Will you tell me what the dream was about?"

"No," he said looking at her sadly and with a bit of regret. "I don't want to remember it."

He had been partially lying to his brother when he said he didn't always remember his dreams. He usually did but he didn't want Al to worry too much about it. He didn't want Erika to worry either.

"I'd rather forget," he said looking her in the eye.

She nodded her understanding and she could not resist him when he looked at her like that. Taking a deep breath to calm herself she leaned in to kiss Edward. His left hand tangled in her hair as he kept her lips on his; his right arm was an iron clamp against her back. He held her close, like a life line, similar to the way she herself once held onto him.


	50. Chapter 50

It wasn't the last dream Erika would witness and each time Edward refused to tell her what they were about. The other incidences were not so violent and she was able to wake him easily. She did not fear him, even after the first dream she tried to wake him from. He almost broke her neck at the time. But she did not consider him dangerous; she never could. At the time she only wanted to calm him so he could rest and not have herself end up back on the streets. She knew her reasons were purely selfish, that she was mostly looking out for herself. They still were, especially with those eyes that Edward had. She couldn't help herself at times, feeling herself lose her senses, completely unaware of what she was doing or saying when she looked into his eyes, seeing he would never hurt her. What spoiled it was the look of pain she saw when he woke from his dreams; she hated to see him like that so it hurt each time he didn't tell her what the dreams were about. She wanted to know - had to know - what was really going on inside his head that caused him to be bear such torture in his sleep. She was sure the war didn't help any but it was obvious there was more to the dreams than visions of battle. She could tell they were memories of his past that were not so easily forgotten. She didn't mind she could give him comfort; she just wanted to know why he needed it. She tried not to be too pushy; she didn't want to make him miserable with her demands that he confide in her. She felt that maybe he'd give in eventually but she didn't know how long she'd have to wait; she didn't know how long she could wait before his stubbornness wore her down. It was already putting a strain on her to be so close to him yet not know much about him or his past. She knew she was being unfair. She was not one to always give him a straight answer. But he got used to it; he accepted it as the way things were. Erika didn't know if she liked the arrangement anymore. She began to want him to ask her, just as she began to ask him things by starting with the dreams. For the moment she had to accept that she would just have to wait and see if he would eventually break down. For the time being her wait was now out of her and Edward's control, especially with his tour of duty on the front being extended. He didn't return according to his troop's normal schedule.

North City, still held by the Drachmans, was now under siege by long range Amestrian artillery. It was the start of the Amestrian campaign to reclaim their lost city. There was heavy fighting, fifty miles, towards the far east of the city, where Edward was. His troop was at a crossroads trying to prevent Xing mercenaries from providing support to a battalion of Drachmans that were proving to be difficult on their own. If the mercenaries got past Edward and joined the battalion it would just extend the battle. Not only did Edward have to keep a violent Xing force at bay his artillery was tearing into the eastern ranks of the battalion. Another Amestrian troop was trying to outflank the same Drachman battalion from the west.

Edward was with Lieutenant Kestrel and his two squads. Havoc was stationed further up supporting a green Major, one of the alchemist engineers that needed more battlefield experience. Edward could handle things on his own by now, he didn't need Havoc hovering over him every minute. He wanted the chance to work with Kestrel, to see for himself what his Second Lieutenant was capable of.

They were crouched under a stone wall that lined an old dirt road. Edward concentrated on the voice over the communications line, remembering each word as he marked an area on a map that was folded in half, lying on the ground in front of him.

"Yes, sir," Edward said loud enough to be heard through the tumult of artillery and sporadic rifle fire the went up and down the ranks along the wall; reminding the Xing mercenaries they were still there.

The line went silent and Edward gave the signal to end the transmission. "Get me Major Tringum on the line," he ordered a Sergeant who was part of Kestrel's group and now handling the communications equipment for them.

Edward waited impatiently as the man tuned in to Russell's frequency and then his impatience turned to unease, then anger over the unresponsiveness after a minute of waiting.

_Why the fuck doesn't he answer?_ He thought, silently cursing Russell. He knew the longer he waited it would just delay fulfilling his orders. He could have had a messenger deliver orders and return within the time it seemed he had to wait for a response.

"Keep trying," Edward said when he could no longer hide his impatience, handing the receiver over to the Sergeant. Digging into his inside jacket pocket he took out a notebook he always kept with him and tore a piece of paper out.

"Lieutenant Kestrel, get your fastest runner to deliver these orders to Major Tringum," Edward then instructed as he scratched out a message. Their artillery was less than a mile back, giving them plenty of time to relay the orders by hand if that was the only way to do so. In the meantime, he would still try to get a hold of Russell.

It was another ten minutes when there was a pause in the firing of their guns. Five minutes later they started up again. Edward sighed in relief that they were in time but it wasn't long before the Sergeant with the communications pack was urgently handed the receiver to Edward.

"Elric! What are you doing?! You're firing on my men! You were told to fire upon section G2 not C2! Stop firing immediately!" Colonel Robienne yelled.

For half a second Edward's mind was wiped clean and his heart stopped. _Did I write the wrong section on the orders?_ He wondered but knew it wasn't so. He remembered exactly what he wrote clearly but he still couldn't help but doubt himself. He was not perfect, he could have written G2 and it just looked like C2. How else would Russell get the idea to aim their artillery upon the wrong section? Edward didn't have time to question anything as he quickly pulled his wits about him. Not able to give any kind of excuse - knowing it was pointless for one or for an apology - he cut the signal himself and tuned in to Russell's frequency again.

"Please pick up," he said with a touch of panic in his voice.

Just then the runner came back out of breath and crouched near Edward.

"Did you hand deliver my orders to Major Tringum?" Edward asked the man.

"Yes, sir," he assured, nodding.

"And he read it?"

"Yes, sir."

Still no answer from Russell.

"Fuck!" Edward yelled tossing the receiver to Lieutenant Kestrel.

"Keep trying," he instructed hurriedly as he got up and shouldered his rifle. "You're in command here in my absence! If you get a hold of Major Tringum tell him I order him to stop firing!" Edward yelled as he took off running. He heard sniper fire aimed in his direction and the sound of his troop returning fire to keep the mercenaries' heads down. Any more attempts from the snipers were pointless as Edward quickly ran out of range.

As he ran he felt the full weight of his automail. It was as if it knew the urgency of the situation and decided to be uncooperative and gain an extra twenty pounds. He knew the artillery wasn't too far away. But now it felt like it was halfway across Amestris. The pumping of his heart matched the pumping of his legs and the silent chant in his head: Cease fire! Cease fire!

When he approached the artillery he didn't see Russell immediately. He didn't have time to seek out the Major. He ran to each gun yelling, at the top of his voice, the same chant that had been in his head, as if it had not been interrupted: "Cease fire! Cease fire!"

His cries were drowned out and most of the men had plugs in their ears, to protect their hearing from the continuous, thundering blast from the guns that would render someone deaf over time from being so close to the heavy artillery. Edward had to literally tear everyone from their station. They were indignant to be yanked the way they were but when they saw who had done it they held their tongues, seeing the panic and fear on their Lieutenant Colonel's face.

Edward finally silenced all five guns. The men manning the artillery stared at him in confusion but Edward didn't see any of them, or offer any explanation as he tried to catch his breath. He was exhausted after his desperate run and from yelling at the top of lungs. The full weight of the horrible truth they were firing on their own started to press upon him. He had to pull up whatever strength he still had to keep his legs under him, to support his weight and to face what consequences were to come from this costly mistake.

"Sir!" Russell said coming up to Edward, saluting as if it were an afterthought. "What's going on? Why did you stop the guns?"

"Where were you?" Edward asked furiously, feeling some strength return as he turned on Russell like a wild animal about to strike.

"I was trying to fix our radio," Russell answered, surprised by Edward's ferocity but otherwise unperturbed by anything. He looked a little too calm as he stood facing his commanding officer. "It suddenly went out on us."

Edward felt his mouth want to drop open in shock but he retained control over his body and asked instead, "Why were you firing on section C2?"

"That's what you're orders were," Russell answered simply.

Edward silently groaned but said aloud, "I wrote G2."

"Wrote? I only received a verbal communication from the runner."

Edward couldn't speak. He could only stare and hope he didn't betray that he knew Russell was lying; why else would he be so specific how he received his orders. It was even harder to hide the shock he felt, considering how smoothly Russell let the lie fall with no fear that he would get caught up in it.

"Sir!" A Sergeant approached both of them and saluted. "Our box is live now."

_How convenient_, Edward thought. He walked over to the console with Russell following.

The portable console was several yards back so the noise from firing artillery would not camouflage important orders. Edward doubted anything could cover up the string of curses and threats of a court marshal over his mistake that was now easily heard over the headset. Edward didn't look back at Russell, but he had the distinct feeling the Major was enjoying this. There wasn't much he could do at the moment though. He picked up the headset and placed half of it up to his ear. His heart was hammering from the thought of the men that were ripped apart by his artillery. He felt an aching through his body as he fought for control over his emotions that threatened to overcome him. He felt like a lost, lonely child, who was completely helpless; the forces of the world spinning him into confusion. If there was ever a reason for him to break down, this was a good one. He took the verbal abuse as one about to face his own death knowing he deserved it and was resigned to his fate without argument.

Edward's troop was immediately pulled from the front line once the defeat of the Drachman battalion had been salvaged from the costly mistake. The troop Edward's artillery accidentally fired upon; only half survived and Edward wished he had perished as well. But he knew he didn't deserve such an easy out; that it was him and only him who would have to deal with the humiliation, the embarrassment and the guilt. It was because of his insistence on trusting Russell in the first place that brought this upon his shoulders.

The one thing that disturbed Edward next to the disaster was Russell's attitude and his complete disregard for the entire situation Edward was now in because of him. There was still a little fire left in Edward; to fight and stand up for himself. But he did little to feed the flame when he thought of Havoc and his warnings.

Edward at least tried to explain the mix up but Colonel Robienne did not want to hear it. However, it was not for him to make the final decision who should bear responsibility or how. Edward would get his chance to present his case before Brigadier General Locke. Robienne made it very clear he would be asking for Edward's dismissal, an end to his career, his reputation, his head and his heart; whatever it took as long as the Fullmetal Alchemist bore the complete responsibility of cutting down Amestrian soldiers.


	51. Chapter 51

On the trip back to the base camp Edward felt absolutely nothing. He knew he should but he was in a state of shock over the events he just couldn't react. Nobody spoke to him, at least not about the incident. He could tell word had spread. He knew a lot of the men didn't think much of Russell but they had maintained the proper respect, even if it was begrudgingly. Now it was worse and threatened to boil over. Edward tried to keep his presence more often near Russell, in hopes of quelling the resentment. Being around so many people at a time made it harder for Lieutenant Kestrel and Russell to try and corner Edward alone, as they tried to do a couple of times before they returned to the base camp. Edward knew what they wanted but wouldn't allow them the opportunity until he was ready. When they finally returned to the camp Edward went straight to his tent. He did not notice that Lieutenant Kestrel, Major Tringum and Lieutenant Havoc were right behind him. When he did, he didn't wave them off. He would have to get this whole business over with; there was no point in delaying. He barely stepped inside when Lieutenant Kestrel started talking.

"Sir, I know my own men and I believe Private Frasier when he said he handed those orders to Major Tringum," Lieutenant Kestrel explained. He sounded like he would have burst if he had to wait any longer to say what he wanted. "He has never lied before and I don't think he'd start now."

"Ed, I promise you I didn't receive any written orders," Russell said in his defense. "The runner probably lost it and is too embarrassed to admit it."

"Then how would he know what section it was in order to tell you?" Kestrel argued, turning to face Russell.

"He probably looked at the orders before losing them," Russell countered. "That would explain the wrong section he told me. He probably misread the orders."

"It must be convenient to be an alchemist," Kestrel said facing Russell, his face inching closer to the Major's. "I'm sure it's not too hard to break down a piece of paper."

Edward noted how intimidating his Second Lieutenant could be. He was like Havoc in a lot of ways, loyal and ready to stand up for those under his command. He was not some overlord who demanded respect but earned it and returned the same respect to those that earned it as well. In Kestrel's eyes, Russell did not earn or deserve any respect. But the Major stood his ground.

"Lieutenant Kestrel, you will remember I am a Major and deserve to be spoken to with respect. Ed, are you going to let him continue like this?"

Havoc looked over at Edward, wondering when he was going to stop this nonsense. But Edward remained where he stood, watching the two men before him, listening to the back and forth bickering.

"I'll speak to you with respect, _sir_, when you earn it," Kestrel growled, finally voicing his standards out loud. "While we're on the subject of respect, it's Lieutenant Colonel Elric. For one so concerned about protocol you don't hesitate to bend the rules for yourself."

"I told you Lieutenant, I will not tolerate this..."

"That's enough," Edward said calmly as he turned to pace back and forth a few steps. His unusually stoic demeanor quieted them immediately. He now had a clear idea of what exactly happened. It disgusted him to see Russell's expectation and assuredness that he would side with the other alchemist. Now that he had a clear picture for himself he was going to have to go about things with more protocol in order to present his report to the Brigadier General who would not tolerate this kind of spectacle. He stopped his pacing and looked to Havoc.

"Lieutenant Havoc, I want you to transcribe my questions and the answers I receive," Edward ordered. "But before we begin I need you to bring in Private Frasier and Sergeant Owens.

"Yes, sir," Havoc said ready to head out.

"Now wait a minute, Ed," Russell began, then remembered himself with Edward's glare and Lieutenant Kestrel's smirk. "I mean, sir. I must protest. I know Lieutenant Havoc has something against me. I would be more comfortable with someone who is neutral and will be fair as to how I am to be portrayed in this report."

"Why are you worried, Major? If you've done nothing wrong then there should be no problem who transcribes," Kestrel remarked.

Edward tried to keep himself collected not wanting to show his frustration. He knew there were some hard feelings towards Russell and a strain between him and Havoc. Edward just hadn't realized the extent. Now everything was coming out in the open.

"Lieutenant Havoc," Edward said. "Bring in Captain Meeks as well."

Captain Meeks came in when Edward acquired the artillery. Edward had not found much use for him and had delegated him to supervise their supplies and the medics. The Captain was mostly at the back of the battles and never saw much action. He also kept to himself and didn't seem too chummy with Russell or Havoc; a good choice to make everyone happy.

Havoc left and returned quickly with the Captain, who looked nervous, Private Frasier, the runner who had delivered Edward's orders to Russell, and Sergeant Owens, who was in Russell's squad and was a likely witness to Private Frasier delivering the orders.

"Captain," Edward said. "I want you to transcribe everything that is said in this tent. Sign and date it."

"Yes, sir," Meeks said as he seated himself down and prepared to write down everything. He looked extremely glad he was there just for that purpose as Havoc provided him with paper and pen. Private Frasier stood next to Lieutenant Kestrel and Sergeant Owens next to Russell.

The four men stood apart from each other on each side of the tent opening. Edward stood in the middle facing them. It was an exact representation of what had happened with his troop. They were split and Edward was going to have to try and keep it together. The four men settled in, each one attentive and ready. Lieutenant Kestrel, tall and proud, so sure of himself and Private Frasier, who stood next to him, was just as equally sure of himself. Both looked upon Edward with honest, open expressions, both unafraid, knowing they had done their duty and it should not be questioned.

Russell almost succeeded with the same expression but the lack of honesty was clear and his look of confidence that whatever the outcome, he would emerge unscathed. Sergeant Owen stood next to Russell like he was afraid of him. He cast two furtive glances at the Major like he hoped he was doing exactly as Russell wanted.

Edward took a deep breath and began his questioning. "Lieutenant Kestrel, did you hear what section our artillery was ordered to fire upon?"

"No, sir," the Second Lieutenant answered.

"Did you hear me try to contact Major Tringum by radio?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did anyone answer?"

"No, sir."

"Did you see me write down the orders?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you read those orders?"

"No, sir."

Edward already knew all this. He just wanted everything official. The only person he had allowed to catch him alone was Havoc, and that was only to get the details how he should go about his questioning and reporting before meeting with Brigadier General Locke. He felt like a fool going through the motions but it had to be done. He wanted to get through it quickly. He hated having to watch Russell standing there like he did nothing wrong.

"Did I order you to find a runner to relay my written orders?" Edward continued.

"Yes, sir."

"Who was the runner?"

"Private Frasier, sir."

"Did I continue to try and reach Major Tringum by radio?"

"Yes, sir."

"Private Frasier," Edward said directing his attention to the next man in line. "Did I hand you written orders for Major Tringum?"

"Yes, sir," the Private answered confidently.

"Did you read those orders?"

"No, sir."

"Did you hand deliver them to Major Tringum?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did Major Tringum take the orders?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you wait for Major Tringum to read the orders?"

"Yes, sir."

Edward wanted to let out a huge sigh of relief. Perhaps there was a hole to Russell's story.

"Major Tringum," Edward said trying not to break his stride. "Were you handed my orders by Private Frasier?"

"No, sir," Russell answered with just as much confidence as Private Frasier. There was no hint in the tone of his voice or in his composed figure that he was lying.

A sound of protest erupted from Private Frasier but he was quieted down with a stern hand on his arm by Lieutenant Kestrel. Edward turned his attention back to Russell who acted as if he didn't notice the subdued outburst.

"If you were not handed orders then what kind of orders were you given?" Edward questioned.

"Private Frasier said verbally that your orders were for us to fire upon section C2."

"What was wrong with your communications console?"

"Loose wire."

"Who discovered the problem?"

"Sergeant Owens."

"Did you attempt to fix the problem?"

"Yes, sir."

"With alchemy?"

"Yes, sir, but it didn't work since it was just a loose wire and nothing was broken."

"Sir," Lieutenant Kestrel interrupted. "Private Frasier has something he'd like to add."

"What is it Private?" Edward asked.

"Sir, I gave Major Tringum your orders. He did read them. He even asked for confirmation on the section. He asked 'What is this letter?'."

"How did you interpret it?"

"I said it was the letter G."

"Did Major Tringum repeat it back to you?"

"No, sir."

"Did he give a verbal confirmation he understood his orders?"

"Yes, sir."

"Major Tringum" Edward said turning to Russell. "Do you have an answer for that?"

"I stand by my first answer. I was not handed any written orders," Russell responded smoothly.

"Private Frasier," Edward said now turning back to the Private. "Did anyone else see you hand the orders to Major Tringum?"

The Private looked nervous for the first time. "I don't know. Perhaps Sergeant Owens may have seen. He was nearby."

"Sergeant Owens, did you see Private Frasier approach Major Tringum?" Edward asked, now turning his questioning over to one man he hadn't addressed yet and whose answer might actually determine who was really telling the truth.

"Yes, sir." Owens said trying hard to keep from looking at Russell for confirmation of his answers.

"Did you see Private Frasier hand written orders to Major Tringum?"

"No, sir."

"What were you doing at the time?"

"I turned my attention back to the console to try and fix the problem."

"Did you happen to overhear the conversation between Major Tringum and Private Frasier?"

"No, sir. When the guns are firing you can't hear a thing."

Edward was stuck and Russell had a concrete alibi. He could claim not receiving written orders, especially if the orders could not be produced. It's not like Edward could search Russell; he was an alchemist who could have broken down the letter to the tiniest of particles after Private Frasier left, just as Lieutenant Kestrel had suggested. The orders were communicated verbally at one point but with the firing guns, Russell could claim that perhaps Private Frasier was saying G but instead he heard C. Also, it would be hard for any higher ranking officer to not believe a Major over a Private. Russell's character could be called into question but the only thing against him was the incident in Xenotine, which was hardly official and his involvement not on the books; it was just something only a small group of people knew about and it was not something that needed to be broadcasted within the military. It would undermine the new Fuhrer's position, that at one time in the past he hid important details from the military. His loyalty could be called into question and his current actions looked upon suspiciously that he would do it again. In the end it would just look like Edward had no established protocol within his troop; that he really had no control over his own men. Without the physical proof, it fell upon his shoulders.

"Lieutenant Colonel Elric," a new voice said interrupting.

Everyone turned to see an officer, a Lieutenant, who was standing half way in the tent.

"Yes," Edward answered.

"Brigadier General Locke would like to speak to you in one hour."

"Thank you," Edward said. The officer quickly disappeared. "I have everything I need. Everyone is dismissed."

Not everyone left at once. Each man hesitated, hoping he would be the last to file out in order to have their chance to argue their side one last time without the officialness. Havoc cleared his throat and everyone got the hint and finally left. Edward turned to the Captain and after seeing that everything was in order allowed him to leave as well. Once everyone was gone Havoc approached Edward.

"You don't have to cover for him," Havoc said.

"I know but that's not what I'm going to do. It's my fault for not listening to you. This is what I get."

"But it's not just you he's hurting. He's putting us all at risk for his ambition."

"I know but what else can be done."

"Tell Locke how Tringum mixed up the signals."

"I can't. It wasn't noted."

"I'll witness."

"There's no point. I don't want to drag this out any more than necessary. I will take responsibility."

"You know this is what Tringum set you up to do. He's been waiting for something like this to happen to make his move. Please, don't do it." Havoc pleaded. "This is your command. You worked too hard for it. It shouldn't be taken away by a piece of shit like him who didn't do a damn thing but manipulate things to get his way! If you accept responsibility, I'll be confessing to his murder because if he ends up in command I'm going to kill him."

Edward stared at Havoc. He had seen the Lieutenant livid before but this was different. He appreciated Havoc's concern and support. It wasn't just Edward who had worked hard. Havoc had done a lot to help Edward adjust and he would always appreciate what the Lieutenant did for him. He hated to think he was throwing it all away, like he didn't care what Havoc had put up with; that his efforts would be for nothing. But Edward had made up his mind.

"Then we're both damned."


	52. Chapter 52

Erika had just seen to a group of patients were safely aboard several ambulances bound for the next train station, where they would then be transferred to a hospital in Central. She was tired, her feet were killing her and she was supposed to be off duty several hours ago. The last two days had been non-stop with the fighting that had picked up, which in turn produced more wounded. All she wanted to do was sleep. But the Major blocking her way changed her plans. She wasn't expecting Edward's troop to return so soon. If she was going to be seeing anyone from the troop, she preferred it to be Edward, not the smug young man standing before her.

"I'm curious," Russell said studying her with mocking eyes. "Will you continue to play nurse if he gets kicked out or will you follow him again? Like some lost puppy."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Erika sighed irritably. She was confused about the getting kicked out part and angry over the puppy reference. It was true but she didn't need him to point it out to her and she was too tired to deal with him at the moment. It also hurt because lately she didn't know how much longer she could be with Edward knowing there was no future for them.

"Well," Russell said checking the time on his pocket watch. "It shouldn't be much longer until we find out."

Erika wasn't in the mood to stand around any longer to figure out what Russell was talking about. She knew that's what he wanted; to have the satisfaction of throwing some kind of bad news in her face. But she wouldn't let him have it. She turned to walk away without a word. She'd just have to go around, taking the long way back to her sleeping quarters. Whatever it was he wanted to brag about, it'd just have to wait. She was sure she'd hear about it sooner or later; preferably from someone other than Russell.

"Wait," Russell called out but she ignored him, continuing on her way. She heard him jog to catch up with her. She tried to hurry but her weariness slowed her down. She felt his hand close upon her arm. She was surprised by the gentleness of the action as he stepped around to face her.

"I overheard Sergeant Brody say you and Ed already knew each other," he said, searching her face. It was a completely different look from before; it was interest and something Erika didn't think it could be but it looked like hope. "If you hadn't met him, would you have given me a chance?"

Erika looked at him curiously. She had never seen him like this. She was used to him glaring at Edward whenever she was around. She assumed jealousy. It wasn't surprising. Edward did come between the two of them, he was good looking and a higher ranking officer, not to mention already famous as the Fullmetal Alchemist; Edward had a lot going for him. But what she had assumed as petty jealousy was now obvious to her as something much more. Russell liked her; he really liked her. He looked like he was sorry for the things he had said; that he only said it to get back at her for not returning his feelings.

"Yes," she said honestly, remembering how she thought him handsome but quickly hated him because he reminded her of Edward so much.

"Would you have followed me?"

Erika grew nervous. She would have surely given him a chance as she did with everyone else where she was working in Central. But as to falling in love... "I don't know."

He mulled over her words for a moment. Then it looked like he braced himself before continuing. "Tell me. What is it about him that you like?"

"Do you really want to know?" Erika asked looking him in the eye, trying to gauge if it was a good idea or not to tell him.

"Yes." He said confidently like he was ready for anything.

"I like that he's so stubborn. He thinks he's so strong, that he can take care of everyone and that it's his responsibility to do so. I liked the challenge of trying to break that down; that if he was going to take on that burden he should not feel guilty about enjoying himself at times. He's been through a lot. You can see it in his eyes. I like to see that I can make the pain go away; even if it's only for a moment."

She felt it strange that she even said it; none of it was really his business. It was even stranger that she didn't regret it either. Russell asked for the truth and she gave it. She was not ashamed of it. Though if it had been anyone else who asked, she didn't think she'd tell them. But who else would have, unless they cared for her.

"But that's all you are to him," Russell said quietly, looking at her with a mixture of pity and sadness as his hand dropped from her arm. "A temporary fix."

"I know," Erika whispered. It had been her doing that had done it. She was all too aware of it.

"I'm sorry," she said feeling a heavy weight settling upon her; something that was more than just exhaustion. "I really need to get some sleep."

She turned and walked away as Russell watched until she turned and disappeared behind a row of tents.

* * *

Edward waited patiently as the Brigadier General sat expressionless, taking his time as he read through the report. Edward could see Colonel Robienne was getting restless - even looking a little nervous - with Locke's unnatural slowness. Edward didn't mind. It kept Robienne from talking. He had to stand quietly, listening to the Colonel's accusations, most of which would have been cleared up if he had allowed Edward to explain. He decided he didn't much care what Robienne thought or would try to do to him. It was up to Locke and Edward felt he wouldn't mind what his final decision would be. Of all his experiences with the Brigadier General, he knew him to be a practical man, not one easily influenced by sparkling words with no meaning. Edward knew he'd be fair and just. Finally Locke cleared his throat and set aside the report. Robienne jumped upon the opportunity to speak his mind once again.

"I'm sure it's just a repeat of the same excuses he tried to give me. It does not matter if he gave the correct orders and they were misinterpreted. Any officer with a command must take measures to see that these _miscommunications_ do not happen," he said with a quick glare towards Edward.

"You are correct, Colonel Robienne," Locke agreed but the tone in his voice did not imply that he was taking Robienne's side.

The Colonel blinked, unsure how to proceed next, hearing the undertones in Locke's words. He had been expecting more understanding from the Brigadier General, perhaps an angry stare directed at the young Lieutenant Colonel, a more verbose agreement, indignation over an officer's lack of control over his own troop. But Robienne was not to get any of this.

"I also know," Locke continued, "that this is not the first time such miscommunication has happened under your supervision or anyone else's. Unfortunately these things happen and I hope none of it was intentional. Based upon Lieutenant Colonel Elric's performance of near flawless activity since he joined our ranks, I don't believe it was negligence on his part, and your demand for his dismissal is asking for too much."

"But, sir!" Robienne exclaimed in disbelief. He had known the Brigadier General to be tough on the younger Lieutenant Colonel and had been counting on exploiting that fact to ensure Edward's dismissal or better yet, demoted so he didn't have to worry about some young upstart out to make him look bad. "He nearly destroyed the whole troop. We almost lost to that Drachman battalion."

Edward cringed when thinking about the men who were killed by his guns. Even if he wasn't directly responsible it still pained him; he had put his trust in the person that had caused such devastation, he couldn't help but feel remorse. As he tried to pull himself together he happened to look at the Brigadier General and found Locke's eyes observing him carefully.

"Colonel Robienne, I know all this," Locke said, slowly bringing his dark eyes upon the Colonel. "But it is not up to you to decide anyone's fate but those Drachman bastards. You are dismissed."

"Excuse me, sir," Robienne said blinking. The dismissal was said so casually out of nowhere it was almost like it was imagined.

"You are dismissed," Locke repeated.

Robienne looked between the Brigadier General and Edward. It looked like he finally realized what was really going on when he saluted angrily and left. A minute of silence passed. Edward was not too sure how to interpret the situation so he remained silent, staring ahead of him, seeing nothing as he waited for Locke to speak.

"Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"No, sir. I've said all in my report. It _is_ my fault. I take full responsibility," Edward said quietly. "I should have prepared a better system of communication."

The Brigadier General studied Edward. It wasn't in the cold, angry manner of one who lost so many men and who should rightfully be upset over such a failure. It was with an understanding there was something else going on, that the young Lieutenant Colonel made an error of judgment upon one of his own men and he was willing to accept the consequences for his mistake. Any other ambitious, young officer would be pleading and arguing his case; that it wasn't his fault, that it was his own men who were incompetent, not him. But a good officer knew it was their fault; that it was his duty to weed out that incompetence and correct it somehow. A renewed respect arose and the studied expression on Locke's face began to reflect that as he watched Edward.

"Well, I don't believe it is your fault. I'm not so worried about losing my position to someone more capable than me like Colonel Robienne is. I can read between the lines of your report and in the Colonel's insistence you be dismissed from service."

"I don't follow you, sir," Edward said looking at Locke nervously.

"Don't try to sound like a fool now," Locke growled with a touch of disappointment. "Whenever I've asked for your opinion in the past you've always stated what was on your mind, whether it was right or wrong, you gave me something. Don't feed me the garbage I have to hear every day from those less talented than you who are not worth giving you orders."

Edward was stunned. This was a complete opposite of what he was sure the Brigadier General thought of him. It always felt like he was being tested by Locke to see if he would fail; that the great Fullmetal Alchemist didn't have what it took to command; that the new Fuhrer had been wrong. Edward could see now that the challenges were not set up for him to fail and end up making Mustang look bad; it was to push him to his limit; to find what his limits actually were so Locke could see for himself what Edward was capable of.

"If everyone in the military had your brains the Drachmans would never have attempted to take what didn't belong to them. But I'm stuck with the dregs of the military; those who worshiped and tried to get into the good graces of those traitorous Generals, then turned around to bid for their positions when they were removed from power. There is nothing wrong with being an opportunist but there is a right way and a wrong way and I prefer someone with genuine skill to be promoted. I will not allow anyone like your Major or Colonel Robienne to throw someone like you to the dogs to help their cause. I am not blind. I know what's going on. I know that you went behind enemy lines to destroy that bridge; a pointless mission but one that was accomplished. I know you've held your own against impossible odds and provided us with the best fortifications that lasted us until we were ready to make our move. You helped split the Drachmans lines between Ulen and Kellroy. I know everything that goes on with every troop under my command. I know that Major Tringum misinterpreted signals and took your medical team away leaving a Sergeant to almost bleed to death. I know he bullies the artillery squad and his Sergeant is scared to death of him. I also know that everyone under your command, but for Major Tringum, would take a bullet for you. I will not overlook that. So do you still want to take responsibility even though it's not for you to do?"

"Yes, sir," Edward said defiantly. "If you know everything then you know that I staked my reputation on Major Tringum. I put my trust in him and gave him a second chance fully understanding that I would accept any consequences that came from my decision."

"Very well," Locke said seriously with a hint of disappointment but he could not completely hide his respect for Edward sticking to his decision. "Here is the consequence of your actions. Someone does have to take responsibility and the punishment must fit the crime, which will happen eventually; losing almost half a troop will not be overlooked or forgotten," the Brigadier General said as he started going through a stack of files sitting on his desk.

"This is your punishment for giving someone, who was not worth it, a second chance." He set one of the files in front of him, opened it and held up a piece of paper.

"Your promotion to Colonel will just have to wait a little longer," he said.

Before Edward could form any reaction or thought, Locke then proceeded to rip the paper in half. "Get your troop in order. I'll have orders for you in the morning. You do understand that I will accept nothing less than perfect from you now."

"Yes, sir," Edward said still in a state of shock and disbelief.

"Good," Locke said fighting to hold back a smile. "You're dismissed."

Edward left hardly feeling his legs propelling him out of the Brigadier General's presence.


	53. Chapter 53

Things did not go the way Edward expected. In fact, he didn't really have any idea what to expect but he was certain that what just did happen shouldn't have. It couldn't be possible that the Brigadier General actually thought highly of him; had actually thought he had done a good job; was so willing to promote him after just under two years of serving in the war.

Once he had been able to sort through his confusion over this new revelation about the Brigadier General, the denial of a promotion began to sink in; and sting. He would have loved to have seen Robienne's face with his own Colonel stars and stripes on his shoulders. But those feelings didn't last long when he realized how much important the promotion was to him; that he was actually anxious for the opportunity to rise through the ranks. It was just as Al said; he was going to end up staying in the military. But that thought didn't bother him so much as it did before.

Russell showed no emotion when Edward returned to his troop. He did not appear smug, thinking he knew the outcome before hearing it. He was somber, deep in thought. When word spread, with some loud cheering from the troop intended for Russell to hear, there was still no reaction. Edward hoped that it was a good thing; perhaps he didn't have to worry about Russell making any more costly mistakes; that he had learned the error of his ways.

Later that evening he sat with Havoc away from the rest of the troop by a camp fire and told him about the lost promotion. The Lieutenant looked more disappointed than Edward had felt about it.

"You royally fucked up," Havoc sighed, exhaling a cloud of cigarette smoke at the same time. "Not only did you cost yourself a promotion trusting that asshole you screwed my chances as well."

"How so?"

"As a Colonel you could have requested a promotion for me as well. I think Captain Havoc has a nice ring to it."

"Why the hell would I ask for a promotion for you?" Edward said with mock disgust. "It's not like your good for anything."

"Except putting up with you," Havoc pointed out with a smirk and getting an eye roll from Edward in return. "So what are you going to do about Tringum?"

Edward sighed. "I don't think there's much else to do but put up with him and hope he doesn't fuck up again."

"You could always request a transfer for him," Havoc suggested a little too eagerly, like he'd been anxiously waiting his chance to offer up the perfect solution.

"I can't do that. If I request one for him than I'd have to do the same for Private Frasier. I've already assumed responsibility; I can't be seen going back on that and transferring him will look like I picked a side. Besides, didn't you see him when he found out nothing happened to me? It's like he doesn't care anymore."

"Haven't you learned your lesson, yet?" Havoc asked, exasperated over Edward's stubborness. "Just request a transfer for him."

"No." Edward said firmly. "You're not the one who gives orders around here."

Havoc sighed irritably. "Maybe not, but something has to be done with him. I can guarantee the men do not trust him at their backs. They'd prefer he was somewhere where they can keep a better eye on him."

"I've been thinking about that too. I've thought about having him switch with Major Parker..."

"You can't be serious!" Havoc exclaimed sitting up straight. "Ed, don't put me under his command..."

"But you're the only one I trust to keep him in line. I think you've worked with Major Parker enough that he can handle the artillery."

"I think you should put Tringum back with the supplies, keep him out of our hair."

"And make him more disgruntled, I don't think so. He wanted in the front; I should have given him what he wanted in the first place. Could have saved us all this misery."

"But he doesn't make the decisions, _remember_," Havoc stressed to remind Edward of his own words about who gives the orders. "You do."

"Exactly, _Lieutenant_," Edward said pointedly to stress that he knew what he said. He didn't care that it looked like he was giving in to Russell wanting to be in the front or that Russell was getting another chance; to Edward it was making the best of the situation because no matter what he really had no choice; that whatever decision he made regarding Russell would upset someone.

"It really wasn't fair," Havoc grumbled, knowing it was useless to argue. "I'm out of service for over a year and when I return I'm shipped off to a lousy war, then I'm held responsible for you like you're damn babysitter. How come nobody is being held responsible for my well being?"

"Russell will be. If he does something that gets you killed he will be held responsible. I'll see to it personally."

"Yeah, well, being avenged when I'm not around to see it is not very comforting."

For two weeks Havoc worked with Russell. It was strained but they managed without killing each other. In fact Russell was quite capable out on the battlefield and there wasn't much for Havoc to disagree with or have to suggest. The Lieutenant begrudgingly acknowledged that Russell's attitude did improve during the experience but he still didn't care for the Major. In fact Russell's attitude was noted by everyone within the troop. He kept to himself, which he usually did but he didn't do it with the condescending attitude he usually had, like he had been too good to associate with anyone he outranked. He was more reserved and didn't slink around, like he was waiting for someone to do something wrong so he could tattle on them. It made some of the men nervous, wondering what the Major had up his sleeve this time. Edward saw it differently. Especially when he saw Russell glance his way when he was with Erika, the one time they had been able to see each other after his meeting with the Brigadier General. There was no hostility in the look, it was resigned and even hinted at pity. Edward didn't understand it but he took it as a good sign. Perhaps they could get through this and work together. Nobody had to be best friends; they just had to get through the war killing Drachmans, not each other. However, there were certain forces that did not want Russell working with Edward anymore.

It was near the end of September and the camp had been moved to better serve troop deployments for the coming month as the siege of North City was making progress. A full assault was in the works and ready to launch within the week. He received the notice of Russell's transfer when they returned to base camp.

Edward held the orders clutched in his hand, a sense of foreboding washing over him. He wasn't scared to tell Russell but something told him this wasn't right; that things would not go well. He dreaded the words that he now had to speak when Havoc entered his tent to see if he'd finished signing some paperwork that needed to be submitted.

"What's wrong?" Havoc asked with a little frown of worry when he saw Edward's stony expression.

Edward didn't answer his question. "Bring Major Tringum here."

"Ed, what's...?" Havoc tried to ask again but stopped himself, realizing what it might be. "Should I stay close?"

"I said go get him," Edward ordered impatiently.

"Yes, sir," Havoc said as he quickly left, feeling his own sense of foreboding but for a completely different reason.

About ten minutes later Russell entered Edward's tent alone. Edward had time to compose himself somewhat but he couldn't speak. Instead he just handed over the transfer order to Russell to read for himself.

"Wait a minute," Russell said once he finished. "This can't be right. I didn't do anything..." He continued and looked up at Edward, stopping himself from what he was going to say. "It was all an accident, a misunderstanding..."

"Was it?" Edward asked for the first time questioning Russell's intentions.

"Ed, you can't believe I'd intentionally ignore specific orders," Russell said defensively.

"Just drop it. It's been done. There's nothing that can be done about it now."

"Did you request this transfer?" Russell demanded.

"No."

"I don't believe you. Why would you do this? Everything was just blown out of proportion; if the Brigadier General didn't think so he wouldn't have gone easy on you."

"He didn't go easy on me!" Edward exclaimed. "You don't know what I lost out on for you. And as to things being blown out of proportion, how should someone act when a troop is nearly decimated by its own military?"

"I'm telling you it was an accident. You can't do this when we're so close to launching the attack to take back North City. You need me out there. You can't just have me transferred over a misunderstanding."

"It wasn't my decision."

Russell looked like he was fighting with himself, part him not wanting to believe Edward; the other part feeling like Edward might as well have stabbed him in the back. But he knew Edward wouldn't lie to him but he still couldn't hold back the resentment that had been building up.

"Maybe you didn't request my transfer but I see what this is. You've got everyone wrapped around your finger. You sacrifice yourself and present yourself as some noble hero, taking the blame without the crying or pathetic excuses; the perfect martyr. I'm sure you cut a very impressive figure in front of the Brigadier General. He won't sacrifice his perfect officer so he cuts me off instead."

"That's the thanks I get after what I did for you. I overlooked you misinterpreting signals and gave you the artillery to command, but you fucked that up as well."

"Well I guess we can't all be perfect like the great Fullmetal Alchemist. One day this noble alchemist act is going to bite you in the ass one day when they see you're not all you've led them to believe. You just want all the glory for yourself. You're afraid I'll end up better than you. I don't know how I fell for your talk back in Xenotine. It was all bull shit as well as that ridiculous alchemist's motto you cling to: 'Be though for the people'. I'm sure you interpret it as 'Be though for Edward Elric'. You don't do anything unless it makes you look good and that includes putting on this show of the self sacrificing hero, and that's all I know it to be; a show. You don't protect lives. All you do is destroy them; like mine and Erika's."

"You know nothing about that!" Edward said through gritted teeth. "It's none of your damn business."

All Edward knew at that moment was that he wanted to hit something; hit something hard enough to break and preferred that object to be Russell. But he was stopped from following through when Havoc stepped in. He looked between the two of them. He knew it would be like walking into the middle of the lion's den but he heard the raised voices and didn't want it to escalate, knowing both young men had tempers.

"Sorry to interrupt, sir," Havoc said looking at Edward. "I just came for the signed requests."

"They're not ready," Edward said glaring at Russell.

"If you'll sign them I can get them turned in immediately."

"They can wait," Edward growled finally turning his attention to Havoc.

"I find it's good to get these things out of the way as soon as possible."

"You two make me sick," Russell burst out suddenly. "You know what, I'm glad I'm being transferred. Saves me from having to watch all this groveling before you by your pathetic lap dog and this damn troop worshiping the ground you step on."

Edward leaped forward intent on making a grab for Russell. But Havoc was anticipating it and pushed Russell to the side then ducked under Edward's swing. He came up from behind and grabbed a hold of Edward, finding it hard to restrain the wildly angry teenager.

"You're a fucking bastard!" Edward yelled. "Why did you even join the military if all you were going to do was blow it up?"

"I joined to be of some use but how could I with you holding me back," Russell said picking himself back up.

"I wasn't holding you back," Edward said trying to shake Havoc off. "I was trying to help you so you didn't have to go through what I did. You don't even know what it was like to be thrown into the middle of this with no clue or no training."

"Not all of us need babysitters," Russell shot back then smirked when Edward proved his point by making another rush towards Russell but Havoc still had a strong hold of him.

"Let me go, Jean," Edward said.

"No," Havoc said against the strain. "Tringum you should just get out of here now."

"Gladly," Russell said. "I hope you enjoy the glory, Ed, because just when you think everything is perfect in your life I'm going to be there to see it when you lose it all because that's what will happen."

Russell left the tent. Havoc continued his hold on Edward as he stood, shaking with fury.

"Let me go," Edward said warningly and Havoc finally released him. Edward stepped over to his table and before Havoc could stop him he raised his fist and brought it down, destroying it. Sheets of paper scattered around as Edward stalked back and forth.

"Feel better?" Havoc asked sarcastically.

"You really are still one of Mustang's dogs, sneaking behind my back like that."

"What do you mean?" Havoc asked, momentarily confused. Then it dawned on him, remembering his own reservations about bringing Russell for the news of his transfer. "Ed, I didn't do anything."

"Then how did Russell suddenly get transferred after you mentioned it."

"I don't know but I swear I didn't have any hand in it."

"Fuck! This will never end will it? I can't trust anyone and Locke said he knows everything going on within my troop. The military is no different than it was before."

"Don't get so bent out of shape. That's just how it is whether the military is corrupt or not. Generals always keep someone they trust the most in certain troops so they know what's going on. They can't be there personally so they plant their own eyes and ears."

"You know who it is, don't you?"

Havoc didn't answer.

"You do. Tell me."

Havoc remained silent.

"I order you to tell me."

Havoc sighed. "It's Lieutenant Kestrel," he said quietly.

"How long have you known?"

"The first day he was placed under your command."

"He just offered you this bit of information."

"No, I approached him about it. I recognized his name from Locke's command during the Ishbal rebellion. I thought it strange he was still a Lieutenant with his glowing personnel file."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward demanded.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. Besides, it didn't matter. Kestrel could see immediately he was going to have it easy under your command; that you weren't some incompetent that was going to get him killed."

"Locke was a fool to want to promote me. I don't deserve it yet," Edward said with disgust towards himself as he fell heavily upon his cot.

"But you do..."

"How, when I really don't know what's going on within my own troop? The one person I thought I could trust keeps things from me."

"I didn't want you to worry about it…"

"Next time let me decide that on my own," Edward said as he bent forward to start picking up the paperwork. Havoc kneeled to help. As he lifted a sheet Edward swiped it from his hand.

"I can handle this. Go tell Captain Meeks to come back here in fifteen minutes. I'll have the requests signed and he can turn them in."

"Yes, sir." Havoc said knowing that hiding information from Edward would probably weigh upon his mind more than anything else and the dismissal was Edward's way of showing he no longer trusted the Lieutenant.


	54. Chapter 54

After picking up the paper and arranging it neatly, Edward repaired the destroyed table and sat down to complete the paperwork. He could still feel the heat of anger and betrayal coursing through him; along with embarrassment though the other two overwhelmed him the most. It took all his will to keep his hand steady and not tear through the paper as he signed requests and finished up some reports. He had everything ready for Captain Meeks. Delivering paperwork was not really the duty of a Captain but at the moment Edward didn't want Havoc around and Meeks was too timid to complain. He passed it off silently then ordered the Captain not to disturb him. Edward didn't really want to be alone, he felt like he was hiding but he didn't want to be around anyone either. He hadn't calmed down yet and didn't want to take his frustrations out on the men. But being alone, pacing the small confines of his tent, made him remember parts of his recent disturbing conversations – if they could be called conversations - he didn't want to be remembering:

_You've got everyone wrapped around your finger..._

_You just want all the glory for yourself..._

_You don't protect lives. All you do is destroy them..._

Whenever those words of Russell's would repeat he'd shake his head so he couldn't hear the rest. But it wouldn't stop there. His own words echoed back to him, taunting him that what Russell said was probably true. He had stepped out of line saying the things he did to a commanding officer. But Edward was too angry and defensive to give a reprimand, and felt he deserved it when he thought about what he said in return:

_That's the thanks I get after what I did for you... _

_...you fucked that up as well..._

_Why did you even join the military if all you were going to do was blow it up?_

_I was trying to help you so you didn't have to go through what I did..._

He hated people hiding and sugar coating things for him yet he did the same thing, and he just blew off Havoc for it as well. The Lieutenant was right. When would he ever learn? However, the lesson he should have learned was in a different context. It wasn't so much about trusting Russell again. It was his own arrogance that kept him from learning that it was good to want to protect people but it only worked if they wanted to be protected. Russell clearly did not and he had ignored that, adding fuel to the other young man's resentment. He also didn't learn after all the chances he gave Russell that it wouldn't have helped; that no matter what, he would still resent Edward. _But where does Russell get off thinking I was trying to hold him back_, Edward thought furiously. _That's not what I was doing._ _And what does he know about me and Erika._ _That bastard is just jealous_... and Edward broke off from his train of thought disgusted. Now he was being even more of an arrogant jerk. He had to restrain himself from hitting the table again as he passed it for the tenth time.

He just needed to calm down, it was all over with; Russell was no longer his problem and as to the two Lieutenants being the eyes and ears for someone else, there wasn't much else to do but put up with it. He had to admit that if he was in Mustang or Locke's position he'd probably do the same. Worrying about it wasn't going to get him anywhere.

Feeling a little more in control of himself he sat at the table and pulled a blank piece of paper toward him. He hadn't written to his brother in a while. Al was always a calming influence; he figured writing to him could help. He fished in his pocket for the last letter from Al and reread it. Taking a deep breath, he began his letter, making sure he answered all of Al's questions and responded to his latest activities, always mindful of leaving out what had happened over the last two weeks. When he was done writing he looked it over making sure it didn't sound like something was going on and he was hiding it. One day he'd tell Al but it was not something he wanted in writing and he didn't want to make his brother worry about him. He could handle the stress, it wouldn't last that long… he hoped.

He skipped dinner. There were still too many thoughts running through his head that just tied his stomach up in knots. He tried to relax, lying stretched out on his cot, staring up at the tent as he smoked. He thought about making an opening so fresh air could circulate and to have a view of the sky instead of the green canvas viewed through swirls of cigarette smoke. But he wasn't too motivated to follow through. He laid there telling himself to just continue as if nothing had happened; that he hadn't tried to attack another officer, that the same officer didn't insult him, that his First Lieutenant kept things from him and another was reporting to the Brigadier General; that he hadn't been completely oblivious to what was going on around him. He decided he was just going to have to pick himself up from this and continue on. He still had a troop to command. He couldn't mope around forever or hold grudges against men he still had to work with. There was more gnawing at the back of his mind but he didn't want to add to the turmoil in his head. That was until she peaked into the darkening tent and he was forced to now come face to face with one of the things he really wasn't ready to deal with.

They looked at each other and then Edward sat up, alert and asked worriedly, "Are you alright?"

Erika gave a sheepish smile as she came into the tent. "Yeah, I'm fine," she answered unconvincingly.

"You don't look like it," Edward said still studying her as she came to sit next to him. She looked just as he was feeling not too long ago; confused, worried… guilty.

Erika gave a halfhearted smile, that Edward knew was meant to reassure him but it didn't work, and leaned her head against his shoulder. Now Edward knew something was wrong. He wouldn't force it out of her; when she was ready to talk she would. It was clear she needed some comfort but he couldn't give it to her. The gnawing thought was no longer in the back of his mind.

"Why would Russell think I destroyed your life?" He blurted out.

"I don't know," Erika said sounding confused. "Maybe it was something I said when I talked to him a couple weeks ago. I was really tired I don't remember much."

"I think you do," Edward said with an edge to his voice.

Erika didn't say anything for a minute; finally she sighed and said, "He made some hint about you getting kicked out. I didn't know what he was talking about and didn't want to bother trying to find out through him. I turned to leave but he caught up with me..."

"And..." Edward demanded.

Erika took a deep breath before continuing, "He wanted to know if we had never met if I would have given him a chance. Then he wanted to know why I like you."

Edward was surprised she actually answered. He was more surprised about that before curiosity caught up with him to want to know how she answered. But he stopped himself from asking any more questions. If he did destroy her life he didn't think he could handle hearing about it. There had to have been something to her answer to make Russell think so. _Why would he want to know_? Edward wondered. _What business was it of his…?_ Then Edward understood; it explained the dirty looks whenever he was with Erika and brought Russell's attitude a little more into focus. _Once again I was oblivious to something so obvious! He was jealous of me._

"Edward, I don't know exactly what he said to you but you didn't destroy my life. He's just jealous," Erika said echoing his thoughts out loud.

"Of what?" Edward snorted not able to accept the fact someone would be jealous of him. "A short tempered, arrogant, loud mouthed, crippled fool, who wouldn't be able to get by without automail, who thinks he can save everyone on his own; who thinks he knows what's best for everyone," he added quietly.

He wanted to say more. That his alchemy ability was not due to his smarts but once again due to his arrogance and selfishness; that it was by opening the gate that he gained the knowledge he had of alchemy; that he had damned his brother to a lonely existence tied to an empty armor. _It is just a show. Whatever I have was not gained honorably. All my self sacrificing and posturing is just to make up for what I've done._

"That's not true," Erika said looking at him worriedly. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I know it's true, don't try to convince me it isn't."

"Maybe I can convince you of something else," she said leaning in close till her lips were an inch from his.

"Only if you tell my why you looked so worried when you came in," Edward said trying to distract himself from his guilty conscience. He was tired of focusing on himself.

Erika pulled back and smiled. "I missed you. It'd been a while since I last saw you," she said sounding like she was trying to keep her voice from breaking.

She leaned in to kiss him but Edward stopped her. She looked so serious and sad; like it was the last time she would ever see him again.

"Hey," he said placing his hand on her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said with a more convincing smile.

"Are you sure?" He asked not believing her.

She leaned in again to kiss him and Edward knew she didn't want him to question her anymore. He no longer cared as he was quickly distracted by her urgency to get him out of his uniform.

* * *

She didn't want him looking at her the way he had been. He was a kind person and did care for her but knowing he was not in love with her made it hard. She didn't want him to look at her with such concern in his eyes unless he was in love with her. Pushing all thoughts and emotion away Erika focused only on her bodily desire for Edward. They tumbled to the ground, their bodies soon joining as one. She allowed herself to fully experience every sensation. The way the weight of his body felt against hers. The lean, firm strength of his arms and how he held her gently but still took what he wanted. She gently pushed his head toward her neck wanting to feel his lips on her skin. She would never forget the way he held her and she wanted to be held one last time, the way only he did. He didn't hold her like the other men in her past did. Edward was always so gentle, yet firm. Like he was afraid he would break her and tried to protect her from harm at the same time. She always felt safe with him; not even his dark moods or dreams scared her as they should.

She almost couldn't believe this was the same boy she had met well over a year ago. He was no longer that boy. A lot had happened to him within that time. She was proud of the fact that she had a little to do with him becoming a man, though it was the war that had done the rest. Though she had mourned over the innocence that was left in him and lost, she still couldn't resist him. She reveled in his love making, knowing she had something to do with it and was able to partake gleefully in the fruits of her labor. She would never forget him. Even when he had long forgotten her, she knew that she would still be cherishing the memory of there last moment together.

She tried to restrain herself. She didn't want him to suspect anything. But she still wanted to take something away with her to remember him; the feeling of his warm lips and skin combined with the cool touch of his automail. She studied everything about him in the limited time she had. She wanted to remember him like this forever. When she was close to him like this he seemed so carefree and that's what she wanted for him. There was something he kept hidden from her. She knew he would never reveal to her what was really behind those beautiful golden eyes of his. She had accepted it. She hoped that someday he would find someone that would release him from the pain she could see.

Russell's words had finally made her come to a decision and she hated to abandon him. She felt she could do no more than what any other girl could to help him escape. She didn't want to think of him being with anyone else but if that's what he chose then what could she do. She also made things worse for herself. She knew realistically it was impossible for her; it had been so long since she'd had any false alarms but she couldn't help fantasizing having Edward's children. Beautiful, golden eyed children, that looked just like him playing in the sun. She realized that even if Edward was not ready for such things and circumstances not exactly ideal for him, she was ready. She had gone on with her life not really wanting much for herself, until the Drachmans came and she knew she had to get away from them. Once she escaped she had felt she could start new. But bad habits were hard to break as well as an easy way to earn a living, if it could be called that. However, now she knew she could really make a fresh start and even if she couldn't have Edward she had something else; the desire to settle down and move on from the life she had lived. It was so much stronger now than it had ever been. She was grateful to Edward for giving that to her.

She had made arrangements after the conversation with Russell but she had to see Edward one more time before she left. She delayed as long as she could as they were laying together, the covers of the bed roll tangled around them, her back to Edward; his forehead pressed against her shoulder.

"You're leaving," he said simply. It wasn't a question. He knew that this was their last moment together; that this was her way of saying goodbye.

"Yes," she said not able to turn around and look at him.

"I'm glad. You don't need to be around all this. But I'll miss you."

"No you won't. You'll forget about me."

"How can you say that?" He asked sounding indignant.

"Because I know you," she said finally turning around to face Edward. "More than you know."

"How will you be leaving? Do you need anything?"

"No. I'm going to leave with the next group of wounded being transferred to Central. I've got a position at one of the hospitals waiting for me."

"If you're going at least let me do something. I can give you money to help you when you get to Central. I'll get word to the Fuhrer to see that you have what you need."

"No. I'll be fine on my own."

"Are you sure?"

Erika placed her hands on each side of Edward's face and looked him in the eye. "I told you. I'll be fine. Just promise me one thing."

"You said no promises," he pointed out with a half attempted smirk.

"I'm breaking the rule," she said smiling.

"What do you want me to promise then?" He asked feeling no fear what she would ask of him, thinking, at that moment, he would promise her anything.

"Survive this war. Promise me that I won't see your name on any casualty list. That's all I want you to do for me."

"Is that all? Sure, no problem. I am invincible you know." He said carelessly.

"Promise me Edward," she said sternly, looking him dead in the eye, not in the mood for his careless manner. It just served as a reminder to her that he was reckless and had no regard for his own life if it came to a choice between himself and one of his men. She knew it was a bit much to make him promise but she hoped he would exercise some caution in the future.

"I promise."

Erika kissed him. "Thank you," she said as they parted. "I have to go."

She got up and dressed while Edward watched. He had gotten used to her being there for him. It was strange to see her getting ready to leave, knowing he would never see her again. He was sad to see her go but knew there was nothing he could do to stop her. She was her own person who made her own decisions and he respected her for that. He wasn't in love with her, he was sure of that, but he still cared for her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. She had already been through enough, she didn't need anymore hardship. As she was about to leave he stopped her.

"Erika. You know you can always come to me if you need anything."

"I know," she said smiling and then she was gone.


	55. Chapter 55

Edward didn't know how he should feel about Erika leaving later that morning. They had agreed not to make any promises but he didn't want her out of his life. He couldn't blame her for leaving. He wasn't exactly the easiest person to get along with, though she didn't seem to mind his bad manners at times. In fact he thought she liked him for it. But what could he do. She left on her own. That was it. At least he knew where she was going this time. Even though he could always look her up in Central, he knew he wouldn't. She left with the intention of never seeing him again.

He hated how sure she was he would forget her but he felt guilty because it did seem true. Even her words made it seem like he had already done so. Well, he hadn't yet and there was an emptiness left by her absence that Edward thought would swallow him up. He couldn't believe how weak he was. She only left just a few hours ago.

When evening approached he was scared to be alone. It was only on furloughs that the dreams would come. They came based on his moods or how tired he was. He liked that Erika was there to keep them at bay. But she was gone now. He tried to convince himself it was better for her that way. It wasn't her responsibility to deal with him and his issues. He was going to have to gain control over the dreams somehow, no matter what it took. Havoc was right, even if he was half joking; he didn't want people to think he was going to break down, that he couldn't handle the stress of commanding a troop and fighting in a bloody war because he was too young.

He left his troop area and started to wander around the base camp. It surprised him how organized the place was. It was a traveling town. He found tents with supplies, which he knew about so he could stock up on more cigarettes when rations wouldn't suffice, there was a tent a barber set up, a laundry tent and even a makeshift tavern; all this along with the usual military run facilities. There seemed to be even more non-military personnel setting up shop then he remembered. He spied civilian tents on the outskirts of the main camp and even some children scampering around; soldier's families wanting to keep close and non-military families looking to return to their homes, not wanting to be last and have someone else take what had been theirs once the army ran the Drachmans out. Whenever he came in, he was always too tired to notice what was going on around the camp and spent most of his time with Erika. _Stop thinking about her you fool! She's gone, there's nothing you can do about it! _ He chided himself. The purpose of wandering around was to keep from doing so, to keep from thinking about the way they spent their time together... _Fuck!_ He then redirected himself towards the tavern.

He ordered a drink and as he sat on a barrel at the bar, which was nothing more than more barrels and a wood plank over them, he took a look around. It was pretty quiet. There weren't a lot of troops around on furlough. The fighting was intense around the outskirts of North City. Central was pushing to retake the city as soon as possible to provide a morale booster to the country since they left the city in the first place with promises of regaining it. There were a couple of card games going on but he wasn't feeling very social. It was too quiet for him. It got him thinking about Erika again, remembering when he found her again in Central in the brothel. _Fuck, I hope she's not going to end up there again. She said she's going to work at a hospital but what if... What the fuck did I tell you?! Stop it! It's not your concern what she does. Damn it, why is it that when shit happens it happens all at once!_

He was ready to leave when someone sat next to him and spoke, "Are you going to drink that?"

Edward turned and looked to his right and saw a young lady sitting next to him. She had deep auburn hair and green eyes. She was looking at him just as Erika used to; the same interested yet amused look, like he was there for her entertainment. He slid his untouched drink over to her glad she didn't look like Erika though still attractive. She smiled and picked up the glass, touching it to her lips she tilted her head back and downed the whole thing at once.

"Want another one?" Edward asked in awe how well she seemed to handle the alcohol.

"Only if you have one with me," she said.

She asked for a cigarette from Edward and together they had a couple more drinks and smoked. They didn't talk much and it didn't bother Edward any. Her presence didn't help him feel any more sociable than he had been but at least he wasn't alone.

"Aren't you bored?" Edward asked after a while as he finished off his third drink.

"How can anyone get bored watching someone as pretty as you," she said blowing out a cloud of smoke away from them.

Edward brushed off the complement with a little smirk. "So what do you do around here?" He asked feeling they should at least say something. "Are you a volunteer nurse?"

"No. I find that I can serve my country in other ways," she said without embarrassment.

Edward understood what she meant. "Do you want to take a walk?"

"Sure," she said sliding off the barrel and putting her arm through Edward's right that he had offered.

"I've always found automail intriguing," she commented after a light pressure from her own arm did not return the feel of pliable flesh.

"There's more where that came from," Edward said with a sly grin as he led her out.

There was not much of a chance for him to miss Erika... at least he wouldn't give himself the chance to now.

He wasn't allowed to leave until early morning. He also wasn't allowed to get much sleep either but that part he didn't mind so much, even if he had to face a long day of seeing to preparations for the troop's departure and the march back to his post. It was enough of a distraction to keep him from thinking of Erika or anything else for that matter.

When he returned to his own tent he saw men from his troop starting to move about the campsite. He also spotted Havoc coming towards him and he quickly ducked in his tent. He didn't know what the Lieutenant wanted to talk about but he didn't want it to happen in front of those who were awake in case he got upset again. He hoped it would just be about normal procedures, updates on supplies and troop activities; he was welcoming the coming distraction of his duties; anything that would get him out of his emotionally charged thoughts and into more rational thinking.

"Ed," Havoc said peaking through the tent opening.

Edward sighed; noting the use of his name meant the Lieutenant wasn't there for business. "What do you want?" He asked trying not to sound too rude.

"You alright? You weren't here all night," the Lieutenant said sounding a little worried.

"How do you know that?" Edward asked irritably, thinking that for once he'd just like to be able to move about without someone keeping tabs on him. "Maybe I was up early and returned from a walk around the camp."

"I saw Erika leave on an ambulance yesterday so figured I could come by to talk but you weren't here."

"Do you blame me for not being here?" Edward countered.

"No and that's why I wanted to talk, before you went off and did something..."

"What? Did something stupid?" Edward interrupted angrily.

Havoc knew it was no use trying to cover up his slip. "Yes, especially after what happened with Tringum. You were pretty worked up and I was worried you'd take off and get into trouble."

"I appreciate the concern Lieutenant but I can take care of myself and as an officer I know how to conduct myself."

"You sure had me fooled the way you and Tringum went at it."

Edward glared at him though he knew Havoc had every reason to be worried. But he still didn't like the zero confidence he was getting from his First Lieutenant. "Is that all your here for, to point out my faults?"

"No, of course not..."

"Then why are you? Is it to give me a report?" But before Havoc could say anything in response Edward continued. "Then go ahead. I'm all ears. It's not just Brigadier General Locke who needs to know what's going on with this troop."

"Look," Havoc said trying to stay calm. Dealing with Edward's attitude could be trying and a real test to his patience. "I apologize for not telling you about Lieutenant Kestrel. You have a lot on your plate and I didn't think it was worth you worrying about."

"I think I've shown I'm capable of handling myself under pressure," he said and paused before continuing when he saw a look from his Lieutenant, reminding him how he tried to attack Russell and the other times he'd cracked, so he quickly added, "I may have snapped a few times but I don't think that would give you cause to hide things from me."

"Well, you haven't always been one to be so willing to share. I've had to put up with a lot of your melt downs so sue me for not wanting to deal with another."

"It looks like Mr. Observant was wrong because you still had to."

Havoc sighed. He was tired and ready to give up; anything as long as he didn't have to argue with such a headstrong person anymore. "Look Ed, I'm sorry. Please don't hold a grudge against me over this."

"Then don't underestimate me anymore. I was nearly kicked out of the military, I almost tried to kill Russell and Erika left, for good this time and I'm still standing here in one piece, without you having to drag me out of some bar fight. I think I deserve some credit for keeping it together as well as I have."

"Yes, you're right," Havoc said guiltily a moment later. He could see that Edward was right; he was keeping it together pretty well; watching the young man before him standing tall and determined he knew that leaving to blow off steam quietly was a lot better than the temper tantrums he had to deal with in the past. Now he wished he hadn't kept anything from Edward; it had just added to the problems he had to deal with. Havoc knew that he should have realized that one of the times Edward got upset was learning Al had hid something from his brother. He was ashamed of himself - and of his pride over his ability to observe situations - that he hadn't picked up on that. "I did underestimate you but it won't happen again. You have to admit that you have given me a lot of grief," Havoc couldn't help adding.

Edward looked sheepish, knowing the Lieutenant was right. "I know and I'm sorry about that as well. I'm sure it hasn't been easy, especially with Mustang holding you responsible for me."

"It hasn't but it is getting easier."

"Good," Edward said feeling relieved. He really didn't want to make things hard for Havoc; he was under a lot of stress as well. He also couldn't and didn't want to hold a grudge any longer. Havoc had stood by him no matter what and helped him through a lot. Besides, who was he going to bum cigarettes off of when he ran out? "Now, do you have anything to report?"

Havoc smiled and went into his dialogue, briefing Edward about everything he would need to know. Edward sat down and listened, taking everything in. Yes, he was feeling very grateful to be getting back to business; back to something he was more familiar with that would distract him from his confusing thoughts. The military would always be helpful in that regard. This would be the one time he appreciated being led on a leash; to be pointed in the direction his thoughts should be since doing so on his own just created more emotional drama.


	56. Chapter 56

The Amestrian army had just started to slowly come through North City. After weeks of shelling the Drachmans finally pulled out but without leaving a few surprises for their enemies. Edward was to lead his troop through a section of town to clear out any explosives and Drachman deserters. Not the safest of tasks but it had to be done. Edward had gained a reputation for getting his troop through anything with the least amount of casualties. He was naturally the first choice to clear the way for the reserves near the west side of the city.

They picked their way through carefully, disarming or setting off any mines they came across. It was a slow, painstaking chore that seemed to wear on for hours and then stretch into days. On the third day Edward received a report that Drachman soldiers had been spotted, likely deserters and possibly in their vicinity. Edward decided to search them out before they tried to pick off his troop one by one knowing how dangerous Drachmans could be alone or in a massive group.

He organized two squads to scour the area that had already been cleared of mines. He took Sergeant Brody and his squad to lead and put Havoc in charge of the other with Sergeant Healy. For a job such as this he wanted those with the most experienced handling things. For those left behind, Lieutenant Kestrel – even if he was there for Locke - was still the best to be left and if something were to happen Edward wanted someone around with a cool head under pressure to handle any emergency situations. He wasn't comfortable with giving his two remaining Majors or Captain Meeks full authority yet, even if they were next in the line of command. They were capable of handling their duties as instructed by Edward, but they showed no initiative to lead or any inclination towards strategy that would make them useful or able to make tough decisions on their own. To anyone from the outside it would appear proper but from within the chain of command was Edward, First Lieutenant Havoc then Second Lieutenant Kestrel.

Edward had been out with the squad for nearly an hour as they swept a five block radius. There were a lot of buildings with multiple stories that needed to be checked then secured. They were fanned out in the street, Edward at the point. It was a narrow street and as his squad neared the corner of a small intersection they split in two groups, hugging the sides of two buildings that stood across from each other. Edward passed a door, pushing against it as he went. It was locked solid so he continued. He held his sidearm up in his left hand, at the ready; whether to fire or toss away to use alchemy, he would be ready for whatever was necessary.

As he neared the corner he prepared himself to duck and sweep the area before giving the go ahead for the rest of his men to follow. He was right at the corner when he heard a strange gurgling sound. He turned around quickly, a horrible memory of that same sound nearly paralyzing him as he watched Sergeant Brody fall to the ground with his neck slit open. Edward had no time to react or think. His gun was twisted painfully from his grip. He quickly regained his senses as he turned back to his left but he had no chance to do anything as his arm was grabbed. He was flung around the corner in an arc and crashed into the wall. His head made contact with a sickening crack. He thought his head had exploded from the inside. He tried to fight through it, to remain aware, to help when he heard shouts and gun fire but the pain was too much to bear for him to do anything. Then miraculously it was gone.

* * *

Edward didn't know how long he had been out. He really didn't know if he was still alive. But he realized he must be because if he were dead he wouldn't be wishing for it and his head wouldn't hurt as much as it did. He tried hard not to be sick as he tried to open his eyes, which refused to cooperate with him as they were more content to let the pain win over and plunge him back into the darkness where he wouldn't feel anything at all. But he knew he couldn't remain where he was paralyzed by the pain. Wherever he was, it wasn't where he should be. But the damn pain made him not want to care; that he should just remain still, unmoving and miserable, hoping for a quick end. His bruised brain that wanted to give up had to fight with the part that wouldn't; the part that just made things worse. That stubborn part knew it had to fight through the pain; the intense, nauseous, throbbing agony, and eventually get his eyes open to see where he was because wherever he was couldn't be a good place if he hurt this much and nothing was being done to ease his discomfort. He thought he opened his eyes and regretted it when it caused more pain. But, yes, the eyes were open at least. Everything was blurry and he figured he'd keep them open if he could; he got this far he wouldn't give up now.

He could see shadows in front of him and they were talking. He worked his way out of the fog of pain; trying desperately to push it aside, to not let it be his focus. As he did so he could tell he was lying on the ground, like he'd been dumped by a child, tired of playing with a toy. _Okay brain, I know it hurts_, he told himself, hoping a little pep talk would help. _Check the arms and legs, are they good?_ As much as it hurt it seemed to be focused entirely in his head and took that as a sign that nothing else was broken. It took him a few minutes to try each arm and each leg to test he could move them some, though done in a way not to bring attention to himself. He was still aware that he was possibly in danger and perhaps it wasn't prudent to announce he was coming around. His limbs responded, though sluggishly - the automail more so than his flesh and blood - and he felt that if he really tried he could stand if necessary. Once that was established Edward took some more time to orient himself, to work through his blurry vision and try to make everything come into focus. Now that he had that figured out he listened to the voices coming from the shadows that had begun to take on a more solid shape.

"So what should we do then? Should we just go back?" One of the shadows questioned nervously.

"We'd have better luck returning then staying to be picked up as Amestrian prisoners." Another answered not sounding nervous at all. He spoke with authority as if he led the group.

"But our own army will not be so welcoming."

"They will be if we bring them that special prize."

"Are you sure it's him?"

"Of course," the leader said confidently. "He has the watch, the automail and he's just a kid."

"But I don't want to go back unless we're sure. Let's wake him and find out."

"You can't wake someone when they've had their head cracked open. He'll come to soon enough."

"He'll be useless if you've given him brain damage. Did you have to smash his head open like that?"

"I've heard he's dangerous. I wasn't taking any chances. Besides, I didn't really smash his head open. It's just a bruise."

Someone snorted in disagreement.

"But we don't know for sure that it's him," a new voice - younger, sounding as if he had less experience - then added. "I didn't see any weird alchemy circle things on him."

"They say he doesn't need them," the leader informed his junior. "Just claps his hands together."

"Then maybe we should tie him up," the nervous one suggested.

"He's not going to do anything in that condition."

"How come he just uses his hands?" Junior asked curiously. "Don't alchemists usually use those transtation, transutation...hey what are they called again?"

"Transmutation circles," Edward said as he clapped his hands.

The shapes had become more distinct during their conversation and Edward was able to determine there were only three of them but he was not able to see them in detail yet. But they were obviously Drachmans. It was a blessing for him and a mistake on their part that they didn't regard him as much of a threat to have tied his hands together. Also, the three of them grouped together made it easier for Edward. He was only too happy to take advantage of whatever the situation had presented to him but held to a desperate hope there were no others. He was almost sure he could handle the three of them.

Focusing as hard as his bruised brain would allow, he set his hands flat on the ground before him. Strands of blue lightning rushed across the ground, encircling the three men. Bars sprouted from the ground around the three figures and reached for the ceiling, connecting. The men started hammering loudly against the makeshift cage Edward had created, throwing their bodies against it to find a weak point to get out of their prison. He knew it wouldn't last long. He didn't have the strength to make it stronger. He slowly stood up, forcing himself not to vomit from the movement. He staggered and headed for a spot that looked like a door. Staying close to the wall to help him stand he circled around the cage he made, towards his left, trying to stay away from their grasp. He was about to reach the door when he heard the gun shot. He cried out in pain as the bullet ripped through his right leg, setting off the pain he'd been trying to hold back. He could hear the bars crumble and feet scraping on the ground; feet that were coming his way.

Willing himself to get up despite the pain he made a feeble attempt to limp towards the door, too tired and weakened to fully control his automail leg to get him out quickly enough. His attempt was useless and he was angry he didn't have the strength to have entombed them instead of making the pitiful cage to trap the Drachmans. He felt himself roughly grabbed by the arms. He tried to struggle to get away but the hands that grabbed him were too strong and he was wrestled to the ground. His left arm was pinned behind his back painfully and he felt the sharp point of a knee then a heavy weight bearing down on him forcing out a cry of pain and anger from Edward.

"You're a feisty one," the leader grunted in amusement. "Should have been more cautious and kept your hands apart. We won't make that mistake again."

"Let me go!" Edward shouted, despite the flattening of his lungs under the crushing weight of the Drachman. "You won't get far. The city is crawling with Amestrian soldiers. The only way back to your lines is blocked."

"He's right! What do we do?" The nervous one said panicked.

"He's our ticket out of here," growled the one leaning heavily upon Edward.

"You're a fool if you think they'll let you pass just because you have a hostage. They'll shoot me then you," Edward said bluffing. The heavy Drachman was getting to be too much but the adrenaline coursing through his body was enough to maintain his consciousness.

"I'm willing to take the risk," the same voice answered from above him. "Besides, I have a feeling they won't be so eager to shoot you. Let's go before he does something to make us kill him," he continued, talking to his comrades. "He's our only way out if we don't want to be taken as prisoners."

"But the Amestrians!" The nervous, panicked one said. "They're out there. They're probably looking for him too now."

"Let's go before they find us and trap us here then."

"Which way do we go?" Junior asked.

"North, out of the city." The leader instructed.

"They won't negotiate with you," Edward told him. "They won't let you pass with me so I can be killed on your side of the lines. They'd rather shoot us all."

"I don't think so, Fullmetal Alchemist," the man holding him down said as he shifted his weight. With Edward's arm still pinned behind his back he was lifted and roughly pushed towards the door. "Come on, we're getting out of here."

Edward stumbled, hardly able to keep his legs beneath him. The Drachman cursed nearly falling over Edward.

"If you want to stay in one piece you'd better walk," he threatened.

Edward's blood began to boil with anger, fueling him to keep his legs moving as he vowed that when he had the chance, if an opportunity presented itself to take down the three of them, that Drachman would be his first target. He was too full of violence to even consider escaping at the moment.


	57. Chapter 57

Edward was starting to see clearly now but he still didn't get a good look at the Drachmans who were holding him hostage. As he was pushed along he tried to keep his right leg under him, focusing on the movement and not the burning pain brought on by each step. He could feel the bullet wound bleeding, the blood trickling down the side of leg, soaking his uniform. He tried to ignore it and the rest of his pains so he could think of a way to get out of his current situation.

He had studied the area before coming in to clear out the streets of North City and was fairly familiar with the section he had been patrolling, looking for the deserters. The Drachmans kept Edward in front of them, keeping a tight hold of him by pressing his left arm against his back, always pushing him first around street corners. They kept this up for about a half hour; ducking into alleyways, climbing through abandoned buildings, trying to stay out of the main streets as much as possible. All their twists and turns confused Edward. He usually had a good sense of direction but he hardly had the stamina to keep himself upright let alone keep track of where he was. He didn't think they'd gone very far. They seemed to double back a lot and it felt like they were taking the long way around. It confused Edward even more and just frustrated him. If they were so anxious to rejoin their ranks he wondered why they took so long about it. But he knew there had to be some reason for it. These Drachmans were not dumb. He didn't have to guess that just these three Drachmans took out the whole squad. He tried not to think about Sergeant Brody or the rest of the men. It just made him feel guilty that he was the only one who had survived so far, that it was because of his reputation the others were disposed of so he could be used as a free ticket to their freedom. He could feel his hatred bubbling within, quickly overtaking the guilt and wanting to be released but he tried to keep calm and collected, knowing the hatred would just blind him, making him do something stupid. Instead he focused that hatred in a more positive way as he remained always on the lookout for his chance to escape. Though what that chance would be or when it would appear he didn't know.

Throughout the twisting journey he had decided he had to escape. No matter how much he wanted to kill the three of them with his bare hands he couldn't risk it and he wasn't sure he could in his condition. But if he attempted it and failed; he didn't want to think about his brother learning about his death for being a fool to take on three Drachmans alone and wounded. Plus Havoc would be held accountable for him and Erika made him promise he'd survive. He may have failed protecting Sergeant Brody and his squad but he couldn't fail anyone else now. But the temptation to get back at the Drachmans was too much. He knew that they could still hurt him but they probably wouldn't kill him just yet, not if they could still use him to get across the lines. But after they had used him, he was surely a dead man. _Sorry, Al, Jean, Erika,_ he thought. _But if I get the chance they're going down after what they did to Brody and his men._

Edward didn't know how long they had been ducking around the ruins of the city. He lost all sense of time along with his direction. He was fighting to keep his body moving, the blood loss and massive headache was taking a toll on him, weakening him even more so than he already was. An alley way they had chosen was blocked by a collapsed building so they were forced to go around it. As they did, they had to circle by entering the street and down the way Edward saw a sight for sore eyes about two blocks away. Men in blue uniforms walking slowly up the street on patrol. He didn't see who it was but the familiar blue was enough for him to feel relieved. He was about to yell out but felt a rough hand cover his mouth and drag him backwards around the corner.

"Let's go back the way we came," Edward heard close to his ear as he was pulled back until he sandwiched the heavy Drachman, who had a hold of him, against the wall. "Check to make sure it's clear first."

One of the other deserters took off then returned quickly.

"There's more Amestrians coming from the west."

"Fuck, we're trapped," another said worriedly.

"We're not trapped," the one holding onto Edward said roughly. He pushed Edward forward and went back to the corner, always keeping Edward in front but his hands apart.

"Amestrians!" He shouted. "We've got your Fullmetal Alchemist! Let us pass and he doesn't die!"

Edward felt his heart beat faster and his breathing quicken as he anxiously awaited an answer, knowing this was the chance he had been looking for.

"Prove it!" Edward heard shouted back and felt a huge weight of fear lifted when he recognized Havoc's voice. He was confident with the Lieutenant not too far away he had a chance to get away and perhaps exact a little pay back. He would just have to hope he wasn't killed before the Lieutenant reached him.

"Go on. Let him know you're here," the Drachman said removing his hand from Edward's mouth.

Edward looked at the man for the first time. He had a rugged face that was dark and in need of a shave. His dark eyes were sunk deep beneath heavy brows giving him a mean, rotten look that matched his attitude and actions. He looked like he'd seen and done a lot and that whatever he had done, no matter how dishonorable it was, he was proud of it. Edward knew there would be no hope for him if the Drachmans were allowed to pass using him as a hostage. It was time for him to act if he wanted to get out of this in one piece.

"Lieutenant Havoc!" Edward yelled preparing himself.

"I'm ordering you to blow these fuckers heads _oomph_!

Edward wasn't allowed to finish his last word when a large fist connected with his stomach. He fell forward clutching his middle. It wasn't a very hard blow due to the bad angle of the aim but it still winded him some. It also provided him with the perfect opportunity because he put all his weight into the fall and the Drachman lost the firm grip on Edward's arm that had been held against his back. The first thing he tried, thinking it was faster, was go for his knife he kept in his boot. He cursed when he didn't find it there; feeling incredibly stupid to not think the Drachmans would have cleaned him out of any weapons. But there was one they couldn't take away completely.

Before he was roughly grabbed to stand back up and with both arms still loose, he clapped his hands together and placed his right over the ground. A rough looking handle of sorts began to sprout from the ground. He felt his left arm yanked back and held firmly. He resisted the pull to get him back on his feet in order to give himself time to complete the knife.

"They're coming!" Someone hissed urgently.

"Give them a couple of warning shots," the Drachman struggling with Edward grunted.

Two shots rang out and the usually panicked sounding Drachman yelled out, "Don't come any closer or he's dead!"

Just as he heard a couple more warning shots Edward knew it was time to strike while the other Drachman was distracted. With the completed knife firmly in his right hand he jammed the blade above the knee cap of the Drachman who was holding his arm back. The man howled in pain reaching for the knife, falling against the side of the building. Edward clapped his hands together and touched the knife. The metal melted onto the man's knee then solidified, a much easier feat to accomplish than forming the knife had been - it was always easier to deconstruct than reconstruct something into a new form. Already Edward could feel the drain of his energy, though he didn't have much to begin with. The Drachman tried to pull the knife out it but it didn't budge and his howls of pain grew louder and more intense, producing a stream of curses that Edward felt he deserved.

The man holding off Havoc's squad yelled back, "Fuck, get a hold of him!"

Edward made an attempt to get away but felt someone grab for his arm. Gripping their arm in return he flipped the Drachman soldier over his head. As the Drachman fell Edward lost his balance and fell forward onto him. Rolling over quickly Edward landed on his back and saw a large shadowy mass coming down on him quickly. He twisted and barely got away with just a knife in his right shoulder. Kicking the man between the legs, Edward scrambled away, pulling the knife out as he tried to get back on his feet while a new set of pain riddled bellows and curses echoed against the stone buildings.

Edward tried to get back on his feet but they were pulled out from under him as the third Drachman made a leap for him. His chin smacked the pavement of the street and he lost his hold on the knife that went sliding beyond his reach. He felt a tooth rattle loose and blood forming in his mouth. It was amazing to him how he felt nothing, almost enjoying the thrill of the fight and the feel of adrenaline keeping him going. These thoughts rushed through his head as he felt himself kicked over onto his back then awarded with additional kicks to his side; still not feeling anything. He spit out the blood and his tooth at the third Drachman who kicked him again but was momentarily distracted as he wiped the blood from his face. It gave Edward time to clap his hands together again, thinking something was wrong with his right hand as he passed his left over his arm, the flow of blue energy following along as his automail extended into a knife. But instead of the length he usually created, it grew out till it pierced the abdomen of the man that was kicking him. The man cried out and collapsed to his knees, grabbing at the blade that had pierced him. He finally fell over sideways, Edward's arm following the movement.

Edward set his automail back the way it was and picked himself up when the man he had kicked in between the legs came barreling toward him. He knocked Edward into the wall, his head slamming back into it. Edward ducked in time as a fist came flying toward his head; the Drachman letting out an angry roar when he hit the wall instead. Edward pushed the man aside and tried to get away but was grabbed by the arm. The man's other fist made contact with Edward's face. Edward reeled but managed to hook his leg around the other man and trip him. As Edward tried to stagger away he heard the man haul his large body up and come for him again. The man made a grab but stumbled; as he did so he knocked into Edward instead, pushing him out into the cross street.

Edward tried to remain in the here and now but suddenly his body wasn't responding to him anymore. Then he heard someone shout out to him. He recognized Havoc's voice and wondered how close he was. Everything was blurry again and he tried to orient himself so he could walk in the direction he thought Havoc was coming from. Suddenly the ground disappeared and he felt the sensation of falling. He didn't know if he landed but the feeling of falling was gone and it felt like he was suspended in cold. He felt almost certain he was still alive but he couldn't figure out why he couldn't breath and why it hurt so much when he tried to.


	58. Chapter 58

Havoc was worried and stressed out already so when he heard the Drachmans yell out they had the Fullmetal Alchemist he felt some relief; at least Edward was still alive. They had found Sergeant Brody's squad...all dead but no Edward. Havoc, Sergeant Healy and the rest of the squad were none too happy that Edward was perhaps being held as a prisoner. Maybe it wasn't true. It could be a trick so the Drachmans could get through them and Edward was lying dead somewhere. Havoc didn't want to think about that but he had to be sure.

"Lieutenant Havoc!"

When he heard Edward yell, a horrible sense of dread washed over him. He knew he should have been happy to hear Edward's voice but he had a feeling Edward would end up the same way as the thirteen dead soldiers, whether they cooperated or not. But maybe they could get Edward out of this. He seemed alright for now that is until Havoc heard the young Lieutenant Colonel's next words.

"I'm ordering you to blow these fuckers heads _oomph_!" Edward's last word cut off abruptly.

_That shithead!_ Havoc thought angrily. _He would say something to piss them off!_

Now he was desperate to get Edward as soon as possible. It didn't take a genius to know they wouldn't have appreciated Edward's orders. But he couldn't rush in too fast with his squad; they could end up taking Edward out along with the Drachmans. Steadying himself he signaled the squad to follow after him. He led them down the street quickly, their rifles held ready, alert to any sudden attacks. Then warning shots were fired at them and he stopped them from advancing and gave the signal to take cover. They scattered to both sides of the street, taking refuge behind whatever building debris they could. A different Drachman yelled at them to stop and fired off more shots at them. All went quiet for a second then they could hear scraping on the ground and roars of pain; sounds of men fighting. Havoc didn't want to think what it meant. Either Edward was taking on who knew how many Drachmans on his own or they were beating the shit out of him. Havoc directed the men to make their way towards the yelling they heard. He still didn't want to charge in firing. He hoped to get Edward out alive. But they froze when they were about a block away and the Fullmetal Alchemist came out of the alleyway, looking as if he had been thrown out.

"Lieutenant Colonel!" Havoc shouted as he rushed towards Edward.

Edward looked like he was trying to walk towards them but stumbled and tried again. He took a step forward and fell, disappearing into a hole in the street.

Following Edward out of the alleyway a Drachman soldier came into view. Havoc got down on one knee, aimed his rifle and fired. He never missed and he made that clear as the Drachman soldier dropped to the ground lifeless with a gaping hole in the back of his head. Havoc stood up and ran to the hole Edward had fallen through, his heart pounding madly, hoping that the hole wasn't that deep and Edward was alright.

"Cover me!" He shouted as he dropped to the edge of the hole. He cursed as he looked down and saw that it was a water line for the city. A shell had blasted a hole exposing the line and Edward was floating face down in the water.

"Check the alley for any more Drachmans, secure the perimeter" he ordered as he quickly removed his equipment and heavy coat, "Call for the medics, get them here now, make sure they use our clear path and bring some ropes for me and the Lieutenant Colonel!" As men rushed to carry out his orders, without a second thought he jumped in to fish Edward out.

As he splashed into the water he was surprised at how deep the line was. There was nothing to kick off of so he had to struggle to get his bearings and swim to the surface. Looking around he found Edward and quickly swam to him. Havoc had been restraining any human emotion in order to stay calm and think rationally but seeing Edward face down, not moving, was enough to get him to start feeling the beginnings of panic. Once he reached Edward he turned him over quickly.

"Hurry!" He shouted towards the surface, fighting to remain calm. Up close like this Edward didn't look too good, it was obvious he'd been face down in the water too long. A rope had been lowered and was just within reach. Havoc quickly tied it around Edward. Once secured Havoc gave the go ahead to pull the Fullmetal Alchemist up and another rope was thrown down for him.

As Havoc reached the street the men had Edward lying on his back, still unmoving and soaking wet; a pool of water forming around him. Havoc rushed over and felt for Edward's pulse. Havoc had a temper to match Edward's but it was not easily provoked; he just wasn't prone to emotional outbursts; to any kind of emotional outburst. It took something quite severe and upsetting to get any kind of explosive reaction from him. But when he couldn't feel a heartbeat it was then that the usually calm, usually unshakeable Havoc, snapped and panicked.

"Fuck! Ed, don't you dare die!" He shouted as he began to pump the young man's chest. Basic first aid was part of military training but Havoc never had to try the technique before in a real life or death situation. He had seen it done once before. In his hometown a child, his age at the time, fell off a boat into a lake that was a popular swim spot outside his hometown. It had worked then and he hoped it would work now. No, he knew it had to work.

The two wounded Drachmans were bound and left with a couple of guards. The rest of the squad gathered around Havoc with worried, scared expressions. Their silence made Havoc feel they had already given up on Edward and it just fueled Havoc's determination as he pumped harder against Edward's rib cage. It wasn't that they wanted to give up on their Lieutenant Colonel but it couldn't be helped. He was turning blue and the longer Havoc pumped without a response the more scared the men were. They couldn't lose their leader, he was the one person that had kept them alive this long. They had the least casualties of any troop and it was all due to the still, lifeless form of the Fullmetal Alchemist. All of them would gladly switch places with Edward. He always appeared so strong and brave that at times it was hard to believe he was only eighteen going on nineteen. Most young men would not have been able to handle the burdens he carried. Now, his youth was so much more obvious as well as how vulnerable he really was. Their worried thoughts swirled around and as Havoc tried to bring Edward back it was like he could almost hear their doubts echoed in his own mind:

_No, this can't be the end for someone who had a full life ahead of him._

_He shouldn't be here, like this, lying on the ground... dead. No, don't give up yet. _

_But he has! Look at him! He looks so cold and pale._

_But he's strong; he'll pull through... won't he?_

"Edward! Don't do this! Don't give up! If you die Roy will kill me! I'm serious! Now come on! Come back to us!"

Havoc pumped harder, hearing faint snaps as Edward's already weakened ribs cracked from the pressure. Havoc winced but knew Edward could survive a couple of cracked ribs but not two lungs full of water. He didn't know if the drops of water that fell were from his own soaked hair or the tears that began to sting his eyes. The strain was wearing him down but he kept at it for another minute, he refused to give up on Edward. He was that younger brother, who needed to be protected; the one who had taken on the weight of the world but still needed someone to watch his back as he did so. This wasn't how Edward should go. If he didn't make it, Havoc would save Mustang the trouble and just kill himself. He had failed his duty and there was no forgiveness for that; he wouldn't accept it. _Any second now_, Havoc thought. _Come on Ed, you can do this. You can't let them beat you. _But the longer they waited for a response from Edward, the easier it was to feel that was it; there was nothing else that could be done. He had fought so long and hard, perhaps Edward needed the peaceful sleep of death. Maybe this was the best way for him to go; in battle as a hero.

Suddenly Edward lurched up. Havoc fell back in relief when he started coughing up the water he had breathed in. The rest of the men seemed to all let out long sighs of relief at once and started clapping Havoc on the back. He brushed them away, along with the tears that had started streaming down his face and helped Edward to roll over to finish coughing up the water.

"Hell kid, you had me scared shitless," Havoc said so only Edward could hear, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He was still shaken from the ordeal and from really seeing Edward for the first time as he rolled onto his back, taking in as much precious air his sore lungs could hold. As he laid there panting, some of the damage could be seen. He looked horrible. He was still blue and he began shivering immediately, teeth chattering against his will as he tried to breathe. The chill autumn air and the cold water immediately taking effect. A bruise was already forming along his left cheekbone to go with the long scrape on the other side of his face, a split lip and a line of blood began to trickle down from the side of his forehead.

Finally he whispered something. Havoc leaned in to hear what he said.

"It's Lieutenant Colonel," Edward said a little louder again so Havoc could hear over his chattering teeth.

"Sorry, sir," Havoc said with a small smile of relief. But he wouldn't be able to feel complete relief until Edward fully recovered.


	59. Chapter 59

Edward was lying on the ground, shivering under Havoc's overcoat as they waited for the medics. Havoc was anxious to get Edward back to a field hospital but didn't want to risk hurting him any more by picking him up. He had been out of sorts for a few minutes and he tried to focus on breathing; just moving the air in and out, to not focus on every inch of his body that now ached. When he felt a little aware of his surroundings he opened his eyes to thin slits, the light too much for him to take in at first. He saw the edge of a stone building framing the blue grey of an autumn sky above him. When he looked further to his right he recognized the blurred form of Havoc. As the Lieutenant came into focus Edward - opening his eyes more when he got used to the light - could see the worried frown. A second later he noticed Havoc holding something against the side of his forehead.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked, barely above a whisper.

"You're bleeding," Havoc said.

"I know, so shouldn't you be holding that against my leg?"

"Leg? You're forehead is bleeding, what happened to your leg?"

"My forehead is bleeding?" Edward asked as Havoc lifted the edge of his overcoat away from his leg. _That's right_, Edward thought as quick images of the last few hours flickered through his head, painfully. _I hit my head. It must have been bleeding the whole time and I didn't notice._

"Healy, give me a bandage," Havoc said to the Sergeant who had been kneeling silently to Edward's left, with a worried frown to match the Lieutenant's.

Edward wanted to turn his head to look around but he had no strength or motivation to fight against the pain. He winced as Havoc found the bullet wound and wrapped the bandage around it to stop the bleeding. He didn't notice the wound when he'd been in too much of a rush to cover Edward to keep him from freezing.

Finally the medics arrived and rushed over with a stretcher. Havoc and Healy moved out of their way as they tried to gently move Edward onto it. He was conscious but he wished he wasn't. All he could feel was the throbbing pain that intensified when someone touched him.

"Don't fucking touch me," Edward growled at the medics who looked up at Havoc worriedly, not used to anyone denying their help.

"Ed, I know it hurts," Havoc said soothingly, wanting to keep him calm and agreeable. "We have to get you out of here to a doctor."

Edward bit his tongue until it bled to keep from crying out as he was lifted onto the stretcher. Being bounced was even worse and he thought he'd die from the truck ride back to the nearest field hospital. The entire trip he kept wishing for unconsciousness. _Why don't I pass out?_ He wondered. _Please, just let me fucking pass out._

Well, if he wasn't going to be able to pass out, the officer in Edward knew there was business to attend to.

"Jean, leave the troop under Lieutenant Kestrel's command, officially. Fuck all that chain of command and how things should look. Those two Majors don't know shit and neither does Captain Meeks. I want you to stay with me," Edward whispered.

"Yes, sir," Havoc said.

"I need you to make sure I'm kept off the casualty list." Edward winced. He was freezing and his shivering did nothing to help with his pain racked body. Gaining control of his voice, he continued. "I don't want Al to see my name on there. It would only say wounded but I don't want to give him anything else to worry about."

"Okay," Havoc said thinking it was the best. It could keep Mustang from finding out too and Havoc had enough to worry about without the Fuhrer giving him shit. He wasn't one to hide but if they could keep as many people as possible from hearing about Edward it was probably best. It wouldn't do well for the morale of the country if word spread that the famous Fullmetal Alchemist was wounded in battle. He had gained a reputation within the military as a stunning example how a troop should be lead. Successes over loss. Edward had the most and it was broadcasted far and wide to not just boost morale but to encourage more volunteers to enlist in the army.

"Fuck," Edward groaned. "I promised not to let this happen," he said not just thinking about his brother.

"You should stop talking and get some rest," Havoc encouraged knowing who he was talking about. It wouldn't do Edward any good worrying about a long gone Erika and a ridiculous promise.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do," Edward said angrily but it just sounded pitiful. He didn't have the strength to back it up with. "Shit, Sergeant Brody and his squad," he moaned. "Those assholes slit his throat."

"I know."

"Did you kill those fuckers?"

"Ed, please," Havoc pleaded. "Just take it easy. Don't talk anymore. Get some rest."

They had rushed Edward to the nearest medical unit as quickly as they could. With the beating he had taken and after nearly drowning it was obvious Edward was going to be out of action for a few weeks.

Before arriving at the field hospital the sweet unconsciousness Edward was craving finally came an hour before, along with a burning fever. He was carefully handed out of the truck and placed on the ground for assessment by the overseeing doctor, Havoc always near, remaining close. He was too worried about Edward to think about the complications of Dr. Knox coming out of the tent to look Edward over. Dr. Knox and Mustang worked together a bit in Ishbal and some years later, before Mustang became Fuhrer. They were not exactly the best of friends and Knox was never shy about criticizing the Fuhrer. It wasn't likely he would keep something like the news of a wounded Edward from the Fuhrer.

The older, usually disgruntled older man took one look at Edward then looked around angrily, his glasses flashing with reflected light. Spotting Havoc he launched into a tirade, "How dare you bring him in like this!"

Havoc's main concern was for Edward, so instead of defending himself he just answered rudely, "Look, just take care of him but make sure you keep his name off the casualty list."

"I can do that but someone will have to answer for this," the doctor said. His anger faded seeing the Lieutenant's worried, guilty eyes. He was under enough stress already with his injured commanding officer. Knox could also sense a strong bond between the two. "Alright, get him on the operating table and close it up so I can fully examine him," he instructed some orderlies.

As Edward was lifted and carried into the medical tent Dr. Knox turned back to Havoc.

"I don't blame you Lieutenant," he said gently. "I'm upset to see that child brought in like that. I feared something like this would happen when I heard Mustang recruited him. I hope he can live with himself when he hears about this."

"Don't tell him," Havoc said. "The Fuhrer is holding me responsible for Ed and he doesn't want his brother to know."

"I have no problem keeping his name off the list so Al is none the wiser, probably better for him but Mustang will be hearing from me. Edward is just a boy," he said as he followed after the orderlies but continued talking with Havoc at his heels, passing rows of beds occupied by wounded soldiers. "He may have seen and done too much for someone so young but he deserved a chance to rest and live his life peacefully, not to be subjected to a war and the horrors they bring. Look at him," Knox said waving a hand over Edward as he stepped up beside the table he was now lying on. "He's not the only one who is just a boy that has passed through these tents. We're killing off a whole generation. There will be nothing left of this country in the future."

"He is not a boy anymore. He made his choice," Havoc said in Edward's defense, knowing he wouldn't appreciate being called a boy after everything he'd established for himself. No boy could lead a troop or take on three Drachmans on his own. "Besides, something had to be done about the Drachmans," Havoc argued, his instincts to protect the military kicking in. He wasn't able to agree with the doctor but understood his frustration.

"Maybe we deserved the Drachmans after allowing a man like Bradley and his regime to run rampant over the years," Knox said as he pulled a curtain close to hide the operating table Edward was lying on.

"I'm just tired," the old man sighed, looking at Edward sadly. "I'm finally able to act like a doctor but I just wish I didn't have to patch up so many young men. Hopefully with North City back in our hands this war won't last much longer."

Havoc silently agreed as he watched him examine Edward.

After the examination Edward was stitched up, cleaned and bandaged. All that was left for him was to heal. He had a severe concussion, a couple of broken ribs, the gunshot wound, a sore jaw and a scattering of bumps, bruises and scrapes that made it nearly impossible for Edward to move without turning white from pain and wanting to puke if he tried to sit up. Fortunately the fever was high enough that Edward was too delirious most of the time to really notice anything the first two days.

Havoc stayed by Edward's side throughout. He was on pins and needles for those two days worrying about Edward - with his unusually high fever and the delirium that brought on bad dreams - along with the fear of Mustang finding out. But nothing could tear him away and fortunately with North City back in the hands of the Amestrians the fighting had stopped and he wasn't really needed back with the troop. The Drachmans had fallen back to lick their wounds and regroup so they could keep hold of what they still held of Amestrian soil. With winter approaching the Amestrian army swarmed into the city with the intention to never lose it again and to rebuild their defenses to prepare for a spring offensive attack.

When Edward's fever didn't break on the second day, Knox removed his automail, hoping to redirect what energy Edward had towards fighting off the fever. Even though Edward was too weak to even lift his real arm his body was still putting out signals to operate the automail. Signals required energy and Edward had little so it was best it wasn't wasted on an arm and leg that wasn't needed at the moment. When the fever finally broke on the third day he opened his eyes and found Havoc sitting next to his bed, sleeping. He didn't look good. He had bags under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping much. Edward felt bad for his Lieutenant, sitting there watching over him like some nurse maid. He wanted to laugh though; would have if he knew it wouldn't hurt to do so. Havoc didn't look very comfortable, being much too tall for the rickety looking chair, his head bowed forward, snoring… loudly. But it was comforting to see the Lieutenant there. Much better than waking up alone with nobody to yell at when he discovered his automail was removed.

"Hey, Jean, I can't sleep with you snoring like that."

Havoc woke with a start. Seeing Edward awake a relieved smile lit up his features.

"You're awake."

"Fuck yeah, I'm awake. Where the hell is my arm and leg?" Edward croaked, trying to keep from moving too much.

"They're under the bed," he said his smile broadening, glad to hear Edward being his old self, even if he didn't look it yet. "Knox removed them hoping the fever would break sooner."

"Knox?"

"You remember. He helped those two girls from Xing about three years ago."

"Oh yeah, that grumpy old geezer." Edward said remembering how his brother, still in a suit of armor at the time, had spent a lot of time at the doctor's keeping watch over Mei, one of the girls. It seemed like that was in another life. So much had happened that led them to Dr. Knox's door; too much for Edward to want to think about in his current state.

"Then you do remember me," Knox said pushing aside a curtain and coming to stand next to Edward's bed.

"Good, you're here. Now you can go ahead and reinstall my arm and leg. The fever broke," Edward said weakly.

"Not yet," Knox said as he placed a hand on Edward's forehead.

"Why not?" Edward asked, sounding more like a stubborn kid who was told he couldn't have a bowl of ice cream before dinner.

"Because I want you to get some rest," the doctor said taking Edward's pulse, watching the time on his wristwatch as he counted heartbeats. "The automail will likely use up the energy you need to heal."

"So you're going to leave me here like some cripple."

"That's the plan," he said as he slipped the stethoscope from his neck and placed the ends in his ear and the cool metal against Edward's chest. "If you complain I'll tell your brother what happened to you. Now take a deep breath."

"You asshole," Edward said glaring at the older man. "That's not fair."

"All's fair in patient, doctor privileges. Now, deep breath," he instructed again. Edward did as he was told and winced, really feeling the broken ribs. "If you call me an asshole again, even if it is true, I'll tell Mustang too."

"When did you learn the fine art of blackmail?" Havoc laughed. "I'm going to have to take some lessons from you to keep Ed in line."

"Fuck you," Edward said weakly. "I don't have to deal with this shit. I'm a fucking Lieutenant Colonel and I'm ordering you to give me my arm and leg back."

"I'm sorry, I'm a trifle deaf in this ear," Knox said now shining a light into Edward's eyes.

When he was done, he flicked the flashlight off as Edward scowled at him. "It's good to hear those Drachmans didn't injure that tongue of yours," he commented as he straightened. "Do you want to try and eat something?"

"Maybe later," Edward said. He was never one to turn down food but a wave of nausea hit him suddenly. He was going to have to take it easy with the temper.

"Feeling nauseous?" Knox asked reading the cues.

"A little."

"That'll happen with a concussion," Knox informed him. "I'm going to give you something for the pain and to help you sleep. When you wake we'll see if you can eat something."

The doctor pulled out a syringe and with no fight from Edward slid the needle in his left arm. He flinched a little, thinking it funny that he no longer hated needles. _I'm too old to be running away from them, especially after three tattoos_, he thought. Almost immediately he could feel the sedatives take affect.

Knox recapped the needle and turned to Havoc. "You should get some rest too Lieutenant. He'll be alright."

"I'll stick around a bit to see that he's sleeping."

"There are a couple of empty beds in here now. You can sleep on one until you get kicked off when it's needed."

"Thanks, doc."

Knox disappeared behind the curtain that had been put up to hide Edward's bed from view of the other patients.

"I'm sorry," Edward said before he drifted off to sleep, looking at Havoc apologetically.

"You'd better be," Havoc said with a half hearted smirk.

"It was either go down fighting and get a little revenge while I'm at it or eventually be killed when they were done with me. Drachmans don't take prisoners."

"I know." Havoc said quietly, glad the outcome wasn't as bad as it could have been.

"I'll try not to do something like that again. I don't want you to get into any more trouble with Mustang. But I can't guarantee anything."

"Don't I know that," Havoc said dryly. But he couldn't blame Edward for taking on the Drachmans, knowing he would have done the same. It was ingrained in them; the soldier's instinct to fight. At least Edward made it out alive. He was relieved for that even if Edward didn't look very good, he would still heal, and he'd be alright. A second later he sighed as he stood up and stretched. "I need a cigarette. Can you believe I've been here the whole time and haven't smoked once?"

Edward chuckled drowsily. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea. Let me take a hit off one."

"Yeah, and have Knox rip my head off."

"Just one hit," Edward pleaded. "It's been just as long for me too. I should get something for getting my ass kicked for my country besides a syringe full of sedatives."

"Okay, but don't tell Knox," Havoc said giving in, not really able to argue the point. He reached in his jacket pocket for a cigarette, put it in Edward's mouth and lit it.

"Don't inhale too deeply," he warned.

Edward nodded and took a short breath in. A small cough escaped and he grimaced but the pain he had been anticipating was muted by the sedatives taking effect. Havoc removed the cigarette and stubbed it out not wanting to be seen with a lit cigarette in the medical tent. Edward exhaled and looked a little more relaxed. It didn't help his stomach any but he felt more at ease to slip back into unconsciousness.

"Take it easy, Ed," Havoc said before leaving as Edward drifted into unconsciousness.


	60. Chapter 60

It was almost too much for Edward to endure being awake the first week of his recovery. To him it felt like he was enduring automail surgery again when the medical staff was late with the pain killers. But by the start of the second week he improved dramatically. Dr. Knox was pleased with Edward's recovery though a little disconcerted. Even though Edward was ready to move around after a week of bed rest, Knox wouldn't let him and kept him bedridden by refusing to reinstall his automail. He wanted Edward to rest. It wasn't normal for someone with the injuries Edward sustained to be ready to move around even if he was capable. But he still wasn't a hundred percent. He hadn't been able to eat much and had thinned out considerably and was still rather pale. However, after another two days of hearing Edward's complaints he finally let the Fullmetal Alchemist have just his arm back so he would still have to stay in bed to fully recuperate.

Edward soon discovered when his arm was reinstalled that he couldn't grip anything with his right hand. As he recovered an automail technician was brought in to assess Edward's arm and leg for maintenance. A motor was damaged from the knife rammed into his arm during his fight with one of the Drachmans. The motor had been custom made specifically for Edward and impossible to replace with any other. The technician said it would take a lot longer for him to try and rebuild the motor then it would if Edward went on leave to see his usual automail mechanic to have it fixed.

After two weeks in the hospital he was now on a train headed for Rush Valley. It hadn't been his decision to go. Word traveled despite trying to keep Edward's injuries under wraps. Lieutenant Kestrel told Locke - not knowing the efforts that were made to keep the news secret - who then passed the word to Mustang. But Mustang had the good sense to keep the telephone game from continuing so Al - or the rest of the country - wouldn't find out. He wasn't too eager to inform the younger Elric his brother had been recovering in a field hospital after being shot, taking on three Drachmans alone and nearly drowning. Mustang also received word about Edward's automail predicament and ordered him to go to Rush Valley, after ordering Havoc back to duty, being sore with the Lieutenant over what happened with Edward. It was better than being ordered to face a firing squad, which Riza calmly talked the Fuhrer out of as a possible punishment for the poor Lieutenant. Edward was sure the automail mechanic could have managed and he was more than willing to wait for the motor to be rebuilt but he knew what was really going on. This was Mustang's way of getting him to Rush Valley. The Fuhrer always liked to rub it in he knew everything that went on in Edward's life.

For the last two weeks Edward had the luxury of not having to think so much. He had taken advantage of the situation and rested and even though Knox didn't care for his way of doing so, complaining was how Edward recovered. There really wasn't much else he could do but rest when he didn't have his leg at the time. But sitting in a train gave him time to think... again. Unfortunately for Edward there was no Havoc to help distract him and he cursed Mustang for countermanding his order that the Lieutenant stay with him.

As usual his life was running along full speed ahead. He wondered if he would ever be free of the emotional turmoil that had been tearing through him the last two months. He had been on the rocks with Havoc, took the blame for Russell's mistake, was then blamed for the other alchemist's transfer, Erika left, then he was taken as a hostage and injured, recovered in a field hospital and now rushing along to Rush Valley. He wished his brain had the ability to pause and take a deep breath after running through those events.

It had been nearly two years since he'd last seen Winry. He had returned to Central with Winry and Al immediately after his brother regained his body around the time Drachma started their attack on Briggs. It was supposed to be a happy time for them now that Al was whole but everything had just gone to hell. He was alright with Al now but Winry was still a question mark.

He remembered the last time he had seen Winry. It was right after she kissed him. He could only stare at her in confusion at first. His mind and thoughts had been stirred up into a whirlwind and he couldn't do or say anything. But later, as his emotions settled into place he realized he wasn't in love with Winry. He loved her like a sister but that was it. He cared for her and wanted her to be happy but knew that he wasn't in love with her the way she was in love with him. He had been angry with Winry at first; angry that she had confused his feelings for her as something more than just friends. He wondered what he did that was any different than how Al had treated her or what made her think he was in love with her as well. Then he was offered the promotion by Mustang and he took advantage of it. He knew he was running away but he didn't care. At the time he wasn't exactly in an ideal situation. Not that a war was any better but it had provided him with an escape route. He needed to get away from Al and Winry. It was horrible to want to do so but he had too. He felt stifled by their expectations of him and it began to anger him. So before he took his anger and frustration out on them he accepted the promotion and left. At the time he was so confused, sad and plagued with guilt, it had left him beaten and exhausted, wishing he wouldn't feel anything anymore. But he knew that to be impossible then and now.

For the last two years he wrote to Winry. He didn't think it was a good idea but he still thought of her as his friend and hoped she would begin to see him as one too over time. He missed her as a friend. She was like a sister and he still wanted that so he continued writing to her. But she didn't respond and here he was now, on a train speeding him towards someone that wanted nothing to do with him. He wasn't exactly sure how he should feel about that. He was still sore and weary from his injuries. He wasn't prepared to add emotional stress to the equation; he'd had enough to deal with already over the last two months.

He wasn't the same Edward when he appeared on the doorstep to the shop where Winry worked. This new Edward had seen and done too much. There was a hardness to him that it seemed if he attempted a smile his face would crack and fall to pieces. There was still something of the old Edward inside of him. Somewhere buried deep and kept safely hidden. He was still human but he had to protect what was left with a hard shell that was almost impenetrable. He had to do it after the last few weeks, he was tired and the only way to deal with anything was to lock up his emotions. He looked like the cold, dominating officer he reserved for battle. The same stance he had learned to adopt in order to get the men under his command to follow and trust him. It was easy to slip into this posture. It was comfortable. He gave up wondering what Winry would think seeing him now. His soldier instincts had kicked in full gear. He had decided to let things play out however they willed, like in any battle situation. He had made attempts to reconcile with Winry. If she didn't want to there was nothing he could do about it. He was here to get his automail repaired and that was it. This was not a social visit. He would pay and then leave. If she refused then he was ready to wait for a custom motor to be made by some other mechanic.

Without hesitating, Edward walked into the shop prepared for whatever was to come. He stood silently, his eyes adjusting to the dim light, the shop unusually quiet. The bell on the door alerted his presence to the seemingly empty shop. A muted, familiar voice drifted in from another room.

"Just a minute!"

Edward didn't respond.

It wasn't long before Winry emerged wiping her hands on a cloth, her familiar blond hair half hidden with a headscarf, long strands spilling over her shoulders, dressed in the usual beige coverall she liked to work in. If one didn't look too carefully she appeared to be the same teenage Winry that Edward remembered from two years ago. On closer inspection she had matured considerably. Her cheekbones were more pronounced, higher and the roundness of her cheeks had been sheared down. Her nose seemed narrower and her eyes no longer held the wide eyed innocence he was used to. Everything about her said to the world she was no longer a girl but a woman now.

When she saw Edward standing before her she stopped, the grease stained cloth slipping from her hands. She looked like she had just been drenched with a cold bucket of water. She stood there, speechless, staring at Edward with her bright blue eyes, a range of emotions playing across them and her face. Surprise, anger, fear, hurt, panic...then she finally settled on one. Concern.

A sob was cut off as she went flying towards Edward and wrapped her arms around him. She held him tight as if he would suddenly slip away and fall through the cracks of the floorboards, never to return. Edward had not anticipated this but it didn't perturb him any. He remained calm and composed as he returned the hug. Winry finally pulled away with tears in her eyes. She wiped them away and smiled at Edward.

"You've gotten taller," she said looking up at him. "And you cut your hair!"

Edward hadn't paid much attention to his height lately. It annoyed him that he already grew out of two uniforms and was probably due for another. He smiled when he remembered how much stress his height had caused him. His hair he didn't care about at all anymore. He liked it short, especially since it kept him from looking too much like his father, despite what Pinako had told him on his last visit to Resembool.

"How've you been?" He asked, his first words to her after two years sounding strange, inadequate.

"Oh, don't worry about me," she told him smiling though there was a hint of a nervous tremor in her voice. "I should be asking how _you've_ been."

"Not so good," he said as he held out his right hand. "A motor has been damaged. I can't grip anything."

"You're still the same, Ed, trashing my automail and running back for repairs. I should charge you double!" Winry scolded, lightheartedly. But Edward could still see the concern in her eyes for him.

"I guess I haven't changed," he said trying to smile to reassure her there was no reason to look at him like that. But he knew he failed.

"You have," she said sadly, studying him. Then with a little more enthusiasm she took him by the hand and led him to her work room. "Let's take a look at that motor."


	61. Chapter 61

Edward had just removed his shirt for Winry to inspect his arm when he heard her exclaim, "When did you get that?!"

"Get what?" He asked looking back at her.

"That," she said pointing at his bare shoulder as she came closer for a better look.

"Oh, that," Edward said when he realized she meant the tattoo on his left shoulder blade. He was going to have to go through all that again. First Al, now Winry. But he wasn't in the mood to explain. At least he had removed the bandages from his ribs. He didn't want to have to explain that as well and fortunately the stitches on his forehead were partially covered by his hair.

"It was something to do to pass the time," he said to brush off any significance it had. It was there permanently now, not much else he could do.

Winry inspected the tattoo. As she straightened she noticed his other one on his arm of a snake wrapped around a cross with wings.

"You have another one! Just how many do you have?"

"Just three," he said turning his arm around to show the script of ancient Xerxes on the inside of his forearm.

Winry bit her lip, not sure what to make of them. They were interesting but it didn't seem like an Edward thing to do. They just stressed the fact how much he had changed over the past two years. Al didn't say much of Edward's visit last year and Winry had suspected he wouldn't be the same. But for him to appear so suddenly it was a lot to take in at once and it was hard to not be surprised when she wasn't given a chance to prepare herself.

"I like them," she announced cheerfully as she walked to Edward's right side. She wouldn't let him see how much it concerned her, these sudden changes that she would just have to get used to.

He just shrugged; glad she didn't pry any further into them. "They're alright. I shouldn't get anymore. I'm running out of body parts."

Winry laughed. "Okay let's see how the rest of the arm moves."

Edward moved his arm around in circles then did some flexing motions. He then held out his arm out in front and to the side, flexing his wrist.

"So it looks like the rest of the functions are good. It's just the hand grip that's been damaged," Winry said thoughtfully pulling on some white, cloth gloves. "Should I reconstruct a completely new arm or just replace the motor and some basic maintenance? I don't know how much time you have to wait around."

"Just replace the motor. I've got a two week furlough but I'd like to return as soon as possible."

"Okay. I'll still have to remove the arm to access it."

"Whatever you need."

She removed the arm and took it to her work bench. Turning on a bright light overhead she sighed as she looked down at Edward's arm before sitting down heavily. As they talked she had thought he would eventually slip back into the old Edward. It seemed he would but he restrained himself; keeping himself at a distance from her. It saddened her but she knew it was to be expected. He was always like that with her, hiding things but he was usually grumpy and bossy with her. She was hoping to see a bit of that from him; not the cold, unaffected officer he was presenting. Even the way he talked was so different. He was so quick to make a decision whether he wanted new automail or just the motor replaced. He was just like the officers she had seen at the train station ordering men around as troops passed through from the south to the northern front.

Edward looked around not sure what to do now. He didn't want to disturb Winry as she worked. He wasn't feeling very social and the awkwardness of seeing her again after so long made it difficult to think of something to talk about. He wasn't in the mood to entertain himself around Rush Valley either. If he did go out he'd just be hounded by other automail mechanics trying to get his business. He also didn't like the idea of going out with only one arm. He felt too vulnerable, though obviously there were no Drachmans hiding around corners in Rush Valley ready to ambush him.

"How long will it take?" He asked when he spotted a cot in the corner of the work room.

"About an hour. I don't have a motor ready but I have all the parts. It'll take that long to put one together and replace the one in your arm."

"Mind if I lie down in the meantime?"

"No. Go ahead."

He walked to the cot and sat down gratefully. He was tired and aching all over. Riding in a bumpy train all day hadn't helped any.

"Hey, where is that weirdo Garfiel?" He asked before lying down.

"He's on vacation," Winry said her head bowed over his arm, already hard at work prying open a plate to access the motor.

"Good," Edward sighed, feeling at ease. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Garfiel. He was always too chatty and nosy. Edward sighed gratefully feeling his muscles relax. He didn't want to sleep; he just wanted to take it easy. But the quiet shop and dim lighting affected him immediately and he felt his eyelids droop sleepily and soon he was fast asleep.

When Winry completed replacing the motor she walked over to the cot Edward was sleeping on. She watched him for a few minutes, not wanting to wake him. He looked so exhausted and under tremendous strain. She started to cry for him. He had changed so much she almost felt like she didn't know him anymore. But she still cared for him. They had known each other for so long it couldn't be helped. She just wanted to kick herself for the way she had reacted when he pushed her away after she kissed him. She would have done the same if someone had, out of nowhere, confessed feelings of love and marriage. She had just been so caught up with joy for him fulfilling his goal, even if it was only partially done. But Al had his body and the fun they were having at the dance... she just got carried away.

When she returned to Rush Valley, her feelings hurt and too embarrassed to go back to her grandmother's with Al, she soon came to realize that she had mistaken what there relationship really was. They had been so close, like brother and sister and she felt like a fool that she hadn't realized that would be all there could be between them. She knew she shouldn't have been surprised by his reaction. He was Edward after all and not known for handling situations delicately or rationally. She couldn't be angry with him for long. In fact she was glad in a way how things turned out. If she was going to have any future with someone, she wanted it to be with someone who was going to stay in one place; not leaving her to worry whether they were hurt or even still alive. Edward had not proven he could, even if he had been sitting still in Central as Al recovered. She too wasn't ready to get married yet or settle down herself but she did not want to be waiting for anyone when the time did come when she was ready. At least she knew what she wanted...time... long stretches of time with that special someone in order to get to know them; to know everything about them. She knew Edward was not ready to give that - maybe never would - and she accepted it.

But she was too ashamed of the way she acted that she couldn't bring herself to write back to him, almost feeling in a way she had drove him to fight in the war. She knew it wasn't just her that made him run but she hadn't helped any. She had a feeling that he would have gone though, no matter what. If Al hadn't been upset with him for keeping the automail, if she hadn't unloaded upon him her misunderstood feelings... he still would have left. That was Edward, always putting himself on the line to protect others with no regard for his own safety. When she thought about it, she didn't think she could handle that anymore. That's what she had been doing for years since he became a State Alchemist. She was tired of it and she knew him too well to try and force some kind of limit upon him; he would just rebel being as stubborn as he was. While she and Al were ready to start their lives again, both knowing in some way what they wanted, Edward didn't know. When they tried to force him to make a decision he wasn't ready to make yet, he panicked and that just lead him to jump upon the first opportunity to escape, even if that opportunity meant fighting in a war.

She was still stuck worrying about him. Some things never change. At times she wished she could stop caring about him but their past wouldn't let her. She had read every letter he sent; grateful that he still wrote. It let her know that he was alright and still alive. But she just couldn't bring herself to write back. She didn't feel she had the right to; she was still too embarrassed.

She often wondered if things had happened differently. If he hadn't left to fight, maybe he wouldn't have returned to Rush Valley, that he would have went back to Resembool, perhaps they could have been happy and maybe over time their feelings would have developed into something more. But it wasn't like that and it wasn't likely that would ever happen. There was no point in wondering anymore and for Winry, that was okay. She was happy now; even more so to see Edward again. She felt guilty for being so happy, seeing her friend looking so worn out, because in a way he was the cause of her happiness with him leaving. It was all rather confusing for her but she was grateful he was there and there was a chance to patch up their friendship.

As she watched Edward sleeping she remembered there would be one other person that would be anxious to see him. She knew Edward wanted to leave right away but he did say he had two weeks.

* * *

"Rise and shine, sunshine."

Edward woke with a start, awakened by a cheery voice. He sat up quickly and looked around remembering where he was. Winry stood about a foot away smiling down at him.

"Is my arm ready?" He asked when his pounding heart settled back into a normal rhythm, hoping Winry didn't see anything strange with him jumping up so suddenly.

"Yeah, about that," Winry said looking slightly nervous, though for a different reason, as she sat down next to him. "I noticed you were walking with a bit of a limp. When was the last time you had your automail adjusted?"

"Just before I came here," Edward said knowing the limp was more from the gunshot wound in his leg that still ached even though it was almost completely healed. But he wasn't about to tell her about that. "Some other mechanic did what he could, I guess it wasn't enough."

"You're right. There's not much to do but to build you a new arm and leg. There's a lot of wear and tear on the arm. I'm sure the leg is the same. Plus, you've grown. It'll be harder to move around if you don't get new automail to accommodate your growth; it can only be adjusted so far. Also, it'll look better to have your automail match the size of your real arm and leg."

"I don't have time to wait around for new automail to be built." Which he knew not to be true and Winry wouldn't believe him after he told her he had a two week furlough. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of being stuck in Rush Valley for too long.

"Please, who do you think you're talking to? I'll have it done in two days. Besides, I kind of invited someone to keep you company while I work."

"What?! Who?!"

"Izumi," Winry said sheepishly.

"You shouldn't have done that," Edward breathed in fear. Izumi was the last person he wanted to see him in uniform. Her reaction was bad enough when he became a State Alchemist but he was sure his rank and the official uniform would be too much. He wasn't looking forward to getting his ass kicked after recovering from a beating.

"She's been worried about you," Winry reassured. "Al has kept in touch but not you. She's anxious to see you again and will be here tomorrow."

"No, forget it. Just give me my arm so I can go," Edward said getting up and walking towards Winry's work bench to retrieve his arm.

"Ed, don't be like that," Winry said following to catch up to him. She rushed to cut him off from grabbing for the automail. "Just stay and enjoy the rest of your leave."

"Why do you want me to stay? You wouldn't even look at me before I left for the war."

Winry looked at him sadly, knowing she had been horrible to him. All because he wouldn't do what she had wanted. She had been selfish and punished him for being honest with her, though he had been rude about it, pushing her away like he did. It wasn't like he talked to her either. But she didn't blame him anymore for his stunned reaction; she couldn't hold it against him anymore.

"I'm so sorry about that," Winry said her eyes filling with tears. "I still want to be friends."

Edward could never stand to see her cry. But at the moment he was too irritated and frustrated to care whether what he said next would hurt her.

"Friends who ignore your letters?"

Winry flinched, his words cutting like a knife.

"Please," she said her voice trembling. "Let me explain."

"No, forget it. I don't want an explanation," he sighed, turning away from her. "I'm too tired to deal with this." He said, taking a deep breath to calm down as he walked across the room. He really didn't have the energy to argue or be upset.

"Can we still be friends?" He asked quietly a minute later.

"Yes, but please, you still have to let me tell you why..."

"No! It doesn't matter," he said as he turned back around, pushing back the flood of emotion that threatened to overflow. "Let's just move on." He had managed over the last two months not to let anything get to him. He wouldn't break down now.

"Will you let me explain one day?"

"Maybe," he said harshly.

"Look, don't say it like you're some big shot General! I'm not one of your little soldiers that cower when you bark an order."

Edward sighed, thinking he was going to have to be mindful how he spoke to people who were not his subordinates. "I'm sorry but I don't want to get into any weird confessions. It was hard enough coming here and now you want to make it even more so."

"Alright, I understand," Winry said quietly, a little embarrassed by her outburst. She had meant it as a joke, hoping to lighten the mood to encourage a little bickering like they used to. She didn't expect him to apologize. He looked stressed enough as it was and he was too pale and thin. She had seen him like that once when he was in a hospital four years ago in Central. He had looked a little worn out then too but he was younger and didn't treat his hospital stay as a big deal. Looking at him now she could tell something had happened to him recently; the signs were clearly there. He had the same guilty look that he was trying to hide that something serious had happened to him but didn't want her to know about it. It didn't take a genius to figure out what caused the hole that lead to the damaged motor in his arm.

"I'm sure you have enough to worry about," Winry said with a concerned frown, not acknowledging her suspicion out loud. "But please stay. Izumi told me to tie you down if you run and I really don't want to try. I don't think I can match the strength of a soldier. Besides, there's someone I want you to meet."

Edward sighed, exasperated that she was assuming he was just going to stick around for a beating at the hands of his former alchemy teacher. He was too concerned with what he was going to do when he saw Izumi again he barely noticed she said something about meeting someone.

When he asked, "Who?", it was more of a reactionary response than a real question out of curiosity as he paced the room, worrying.

Winry smiled her face lighting up and she looked radiantly happy. "My boyfriend."

"Wait? What?" Edward stuttered, stopping in his tracks, not sure he heard right, his attention now focused back on Winry. "Boyfriend?"

"Yep, his name is Henri and I'd like you to meet him."


	62. Chapter 62

When Edward heard Winry had a boyfriend he was surprised but the feeling of surprise didn't last long when a sudden relief washed over him along with a genuine happiness for her. He could see that she really cared for this Henri by the way her eyes lit up; she was positively glowing.

She reinstalled his arm; once she got a guarantee he'd stay for his new automail and to see Izumi. Winry then took Edward to meet Henri, who Edward liked and approved of immediately, especially when he saw the way Henri looked at Winry with caring eyes. In a lot of ways he was just like Winry; blond hair, blue eyes, the same strange affinity for automail, running a shop of his own. Edward got the impression that Henri knew about the two year hiatus his friendship with Winry had taken, and understood the cause. But Edward didn't feel uncomfortable or embarrassed around him; he was very kind and accepting. He also appeared very patient and Edward wondered how he was able to maintain that knowing Winry and her stubbornness. He was relieved when Henri agreed to join them and Izumi, when she arrived, for dinner the next day; he didn't want to be alone with two women who were likely to fuss over him. They didn't stay long to visit. Henri promised to help Winry with Edward's new automail so he had to get back to work to finish a custom order so he would be able available.

It was dark now and they had just eaten at a local cafe. Edward already had a room at an inn near the train station but Winry insisted he stay at her little apartment, letting him use her room while she planned to sleep on the couch. They were sitting outside on the small balcony that led off from the living room. It was a clear night and the bright twinkling stars were more enjoyable than sitting in Winry's cramped apartment. For late October it wasn't as cold as it had been in the north. Being out in the night air was refreshing to Edward. Having nowhere else to sleep but outside most of his nights over the past two years he was just used to it.

"Are you sure your boyfriend will be alright with me staying here?" Edward asked. He knew there was nothing to worry about but he didn't think Henri would appreciate his girlfriend having another man staying with her, no matter how long they'd been friends.

"Yeah," Winry said pulling her legs toward her. "He understands. Poor guy had to put up with a lot from me. I feel bad for taking advantage of him," Winry said and immediately blushed when Edward looked at her with a shocked, surprised expression.

"Oh, not like that," she tried to explain quickly but Edward soon interrupted.

"Like what then?" Edward teased. "I am like a brother to you. I think I need to know if you've been making a spectacle of yourself. Can't have you tarnishing the good Rockbell name."

"You can be a real jerk sometimes. Besides, you shouldn't be acting so righteous, Mister. You're in the military; do you think I don't know what soldiers do in their spare time?"

Edward joking smirk wiped clear.

"Ha! I knew it!" Winry laughed with her own triumphant smirk, knowing she hit the nail on the head.

"Knew what?" Edward demanded, trying to play innocent.

"Please, Ed. We're not kids anymore," she said looking at him knowingly. "I bet you're dying for a cigarette right now."

"What makes you say that?" Edward asked, hoping that was all she knew about soldiers.

"You could never sit still but you've never been this bad," she noted. She had been the only one sitting with Edward pacing back and forth in front of her, as much as possible on the narrow balcony. "Besides, Henri's dad smokes and he gets the same way when he hasn't had a cigarette in a while."

He glared at Winry for reading him like a book but was relieved to be able to smoke without shocking her with this new habit of his. He dug in his pocket for one. It wasn't like he could really argue. He was wanting one pretty bad.

"What makes you such a know-it-all when it comes to soldiers?" He said exhaling, after lighting the cigarette.

"Henri's dad, Jed, was in the military. He's not shy when he talks about his service. He fought in the eastern rebellion," Winry sadly.

"Then I'm sure he's got some stories," Edward said looking out over the rooftops of Rush Valley, having heard the horrors that was part of the Ishbal rebellion and knowing his own.

"Yeah," Winry sighed. "He lost his left leg too. Henri decided to become an automail mechanic to help his dad after his mother left. She couldn't take the strain of helping him recuperate from automail surgery or the flashbacks and nightmares. She also couldn't completely forgive him for being unfaithful while he was away," Winry added quietly. "But Henri couldn't leave his father, understanding he needed someone to help him deal with normal civilian life, even years after the war... it's still hard for him at times. They came to Rush Valley two years ago. Jed wanted to show off Henri's skill so set up a shop for him here. It was also a way to get Henri away from the push for volunteers. Jed doesn't want Henri to go and figured being here, keeping him busy with an automail business, he wouldn't feel pressured or too guilty about not joining the military. Jed wanted to maintain Henri's innocence so he didn't end up like him."

"I don't blame him," Edward said quietly, his eyes unfocused now looking beyond the rooftops with a thoughtful expression.

"Edward," Winry began hesitantly. "Can I ask...?"

"How did you and Henri meet?" Edward asked, interrupting Winry.

"It was on the train when I came back here," Winry began smiling to herself, understanding Edward didn't want her asking any probing questions about himself. "I guess I looked really depressed and he came over to talk to me. He was very easy to talk to and just listened. He's a good friend and we just gradually over the last two years became closer and closer. He was there for me and I'm sure I unloaded a lot of burdens on him that were really nothing he needed to worry about. But it felt good to get these things off my chest."

"So what time do I have to be at the station? Edward asked, interrupting again. He knew what time Izumi's train was due but he already felt guilty for the way he treated Winry two years ago. It hurt to hear how depressed she had been though she looked happy now. He began to wonder if it was a trend. He had caused Winry such distress it was so obvious that someone came to her rescue. Perhaps it was why Erika left... he wasn't good for anyone. He was glad Winry found someone to make her happy. She deserved it. He hoped the same thing would happen for Erika too. He didn't want anyone dwelling on him, making themselves miserable. _Okay now I'm being conceited_, he thought. _To think nobody could go on with their lives without me. I should know they're better off. It's not that hard to move on from me. _

Winry went in a bit later to retire for the night, wanting to get an early start on his new automail. After two more cigarettes to help calm him down, Edward finally went down for the night but he didn't sleep very much. If anything the thought of seeing Winry again after two years of no communication would have been the cause of his insomnia. But it was something else entirely.

_She couldn't take the flashbacks and nightmares_

… _even years after the war it's still hard for him at times…_

Those words echoed over and over in his head. He tried not to dwell on it but fear of scaring Winry with his nightmares kept him up and thinking. His nightmares were nothing new. But flashbacks were something he hadn't experienced yet and he began to wonder what was in store for him when the war was over. Would he be able to adjust? Would he be able to walk down a street and not wonder if an enemy soldier was hidden around a corner, waiting for him? Would the nightmares ever stop? He didn't want anyone to be around him while he adjusted if it was that bad it would scare someone away. Why put someone through that to begin with if they would not be able to handle it? He would be damaged goods, traumatized and scarred. Would anyone be willing to put up with him or just accept him as he was? Would someone be willing to look past the women he'd been with during the war? Would they be scared off by that? What about the wall he had built to protect himself? Would he get lost behind it anyways? Would he still be Edward Elric?

The next day, under the early afternoon sun it was an exhausted Edward that waited for Izumi's train that would be arriving any minute. He had banished all his worries from the night before but as he stood there waiting, his thoughts were now occupied with what he was going to say to Izumi. She had always hated the military and was upset with Edward becoming a State Alchemist. He didn't know what to expect when he would greet her with his uniform on. He could have easily bought new clothes but as he waited he was glad he decided against it. This was him now; Edward Elric, State Alchemist, Lieutenant Colonel, an officer of the Amestrian military. He was out there risking his life for his country. He felt no shame wearing his uniform. He was a man now, an adult. He had made his decision and he would stick with it. There was no reason to fear Izumi, he tried to convince himself.

The train finally pulled into the station a couple of minutes late. Edward walked over as passengers began to exit the train cars. He spotted Izumi right away as she stepped onto the platform. He smiled thinking to himself she hadn't changed a bit. For some reason, seeing her familiar trim form, her long, dark hair still twisted in tiny braids, he found nothing to fear. There was a deep respect but no fear like he had known when he was under her training. He was actually eager to talk with her but he approached her hesitantly. He still hadn't completely recovered from his injuries and he knew Izumi would have no sympathy for him.

"Teacher," he said as he approached, suppressing the sudden urge to salute her as was his habit when he approached superior officers because in a way she had been like one to Edward long ago.

She looked at him strangely. Then he saw the look of recognition when she realized who it was that was talking to her.

"Edward!" She exclaimed, looking at him with wide, surprised eyes. He stood about an inch or two taller than her. The last time he had seen her she had to look down at him. He was sure the sight of him in uniform and the short hair was a bit of a shock.

"Do you need help with your luggage?" He asked.

Izumi continued staring at him.

"Come closer," she demanded suddenly, her face taking on a serious frown.

Edward took a step then paused. "You're not going to hurt me are you?" He questioned before getting any closer. "I'm just getting over some broken ribs."

"Just come here," she said again, pointing at the ground before her. Edward complied.

He flinched when he saw her move towards him but relaxed a little when all she did was hug him, hesitating before he hugged her back. It felt so awkward to him to be held in such a way. The way Izumi and Winry held him was so much like the way his mother did. He had been held so many times in the last two years by different women but none of it was comforting, except with Erika. Usually it was all for pleasure. But this was comforting and he enjoyed it as he relaxed further into Izumi's embrace. It felt good knowing there were others who cared for him, who genuinely cared whether he lived or died. Unlike the other women he had been with who would just move on to the next soldier if he were to die.

"Alright. Enough of this emotional reunion," Izumi said, though she didn't let him go right away. When she finally did she held out her bag for him. "Now you can take my bag."

"Yes, ma'am," Edward laughed as he took it from her.

"And don't call me Teacher anymore. You're too old for that. Besides, I don't think a Lieutenant Colonel in the Amestris army should be referring to a civilian as, Teacher."

"I don't think I've ever said your name out loud."

"Try it."

"Izumi."

"Not so hard now, was it?" Izumi said with a teasing smile.

"No," Edward said smiling back, feeling a little embarrassed how he still felt like a kid around her; that he had to be reminded he wasn't anymore.

"You look so different," she said studying him intently as they walked out of the train station. "And it's not that you've grown. I can see it in your eyes."

"Eyes never lie," Edward said looking back at her.

"No, they don't," Izumi agreed solemnly.


	63. Chapter 63

A few hours later Edward, Izumi, Winry and Henri were sitting around the dining table finishing up dinner. Edward tried to eat but he didn't have the appetite; though he hated seeing such good food go to waste. What Winry and Izumi whipped together was much preferable to field rations he'd been living off of the last two years. But his stomach was in knots and he still felt nauseous at times.

"Izumi," Winry said. "I never paid much attention to your tattoo before. Ed has one just like it."

"Does he now?" Izumi said looking at Edward. "Where?"

"My arm." Edward answered pushing food around on his plate.

"He has three," Winry added.

"Let's see them," Izumi said sounding interested as she stood up and came around the table to where Edward sat.

"No," Edward said feeling self conscious.

"Come on, show her," Winry pleaded. "They're actually really beautiful, especially the one on his shoulder blade."

"Not while I'm sitting at the table trying to eat," he told her, starting to get irritated now, remembering how pushy Winry could get.

"Geez, do you always sound so stern and stiff? I don't think you've ever slouched once being here. Just take off your shirt so Izumi can see."

"No!" Edward said trying to put even more authority in his voice.

"You're acting like Mr. Big Shot General again. We're all family here, it's no big deal."

Edward looked at Henri pleading for help who just shrugged his shoulders and took a drink, knowing it was useless to get Winry to change her mind. With her and Izumi teamed together though, there wasn't anybody who could persuade two strong willed women to change their minds. Reluctantly, with enough of a scowl to show he wasn't pleased, he unbuttoned and shrugged part of his shirt off to show Izumi his tattoos.

"Was it really good idea to get that?" Izumi said as she straightened after examining the lion swallowing the sun on his shoulder, knowing what the symbol meant and how it was tied to Edward's search for the Philosopher's Stone.

"Yeah, well, I had a little too much to drink," he said, then stopped, not wanting to divulge too much about the other bad habits he had picked up over the last two years. But an evil thought crossed his mind. He might as well kill off whatever shred of innocence he had in their eyes. He was tired of being careful around everyone with what he said and irritated that he was pressured into showing off his tattoos. "They come in handy," he continued. "I use them to impress the whores so I can sleep with them. There's not much else to do when I'm not dodging bullets and artillery shells or killing other men with alchemy."

Izumi slapped him over the back of his head.

"Ow!" He cried out rubbing his head as he looked over his shoulder at Izumi.

"Really, Ed," she said looking down at him with a disappointed frown as she took his arm to examine the script of ancient Xerxes. "I would hope you would impress the girls by being a gentleman but then, you always were a show off."

Henri went back to eating, completely unperturbed by Edward's over sharing of information, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He did look up once to catch Winry's worried expression to put her at ease as if this kind of conversation was normal; that he was used to such conversations at the dinner table, having dealt with his father over the years.

Edward just stared back and forth at everyone after Izumi let his arm go. He hadn't expected a reaction like that from them; they basically ignored his rudeness. He had hoped to shock everyone; to embarrass them into silence so they'd leave him alone about the tattoos; to just leave him alone in general so he could put his shirt back on. The bright over head light emphasized how pale he was and even he could see his own ribs sticking out. It was bad enough they were focused on his tattoos; he didn't want them to start questioning him about why he was so thin or why he wasn't eating very much.

"Well," Winry said after composing herself, now looking like whatever Edward said was never spoken. "What does the one on your arm mean? I remember it from your red jacket. Whatever happened to it by the way?" She asked looking at Edward.

"I burned it," he grumbled irritably.

"Okay, so what about the symbol?" Winry pressed.

"It's the mark of the alchemists," Izumi said, before Edward could answer, with a touch of pride as she sat down.

Edward shrugged back into his shirt wondering what she was so proud of. He had just mouthed off and basically ignored all her teachings so he didn't feel like he deserved any civil response from Izumi, so he didn't understand the sense of pride he got from her when she looked at him.

Later that evening as twilight gave way to inky darkness, the town of Rush Valley was swallowed by the still silence of the night. Edward was out on the balcony of Winry's apartment smoking. Winry and Henri returned back to the shop to work on his new arm and leg. Edward had excused himself saying he needed some fresh air when Izumi refused to let him help clean up after dinner. He only offered to help to make up for being rude earlier. But he was glad for the chance to prolong what peace he had alone before Izumi got on his case, which he knew was coming. It wasn't long until Izumi came out to join him.

"When did you start smoking?" She asked curiously, without sounding disappointed or surprised.

"Two years ago. Havoc, my First Lieutenant, taught me all he knows, including all his bad habits," Edward said holding up his cigarette, no longer embarrassed who caught him smoking now.

"A brother in arms," Izumi said as she leaned against the railing.

"I guess," Edward said shrugging as he took a drag off the cigarette.

"Speaking of brothers, have you heard from Al lately?"

"I talked to him yesterday."

"Since the last time you boys visited me in Dublith I hadn't seen or heard anything about you two. Then Al shows up one day with Winry and with his body back. He was excited about being whole again but still sad. He was pretty upset that you didn't get your arm and leg."

"I know."

"Why didn't you?"

"I have my reasons."

"I'm sure you do. Why don't you tell me?"

"No," Edward said flatly, hoping she got it that he didn't intend to talk about it and there was no point pursing the subject further.

Izumi sighed. "I guess there's not much I can do to make you talk. You're not my son and you're an adult now. Of course I could torture you but it wouldn't help and you don't look like you're up for that," she said looking at him knowingly. Edward turned away and began pacing. "But you should know that you deserved to get your arm and leg back, Edward," she continued. "You didn't have to punish yourself anymore by staying in the military. Look what it's doing to you. Were you trying to shock us? Were you expecting Winry and me, us delicate women, to faint out of embarrassment?"

"I didn't come here for this," he said not caring how hurtful he had been, angry that Izumi wasn't going to let up. "To be nagged and ganged up on. I didn't even want to come here in the first place. All I needed was a fucking motor for my arm. But that bastard Mustang ordered me to come here. I'm tired of everyone trying to get in my business and having to be so cautious with what I say."

"That was still rather childish for an officer."

Edward knew it as well. Even after Havoc tried to beat - both verbally and physically - the stubborn, rebellious teenager streak out of him, he felt entitled to it at the moment. He didn't have a normal childhood and was treated as an adult since he was twelve. At times he liked being a brat. "Well, I didn't really appreciate having to strip down while I was trying to eat."

"You hardly touched your dinner. As pale and thin as you are, you should try to eat more."

"You are not my mother so stop trying to act like it!" It was the last card he had to play to make her back off. It was mean and hurtful but he was too strained and angry to stop himself knowing he would regret what he said later.

"You're right, I'm not," Izumi said softly, calmly taking the blow of his harsh words. "But I can't help but think of you and Al as my own. I was concerned when you didn't want to approach me at the train station. What happened, Edward?"

"Nothing," he said, swallowing nervously... not because he didn't want to tell but because suddenly he did. He knew Izumi could handle anything. No matter how he and his brother tried to hide the results of their failed human transmutation, Izumi still knew. There was no point trying to hide things from her. He was finding it hard to maintain the forced silence he had put upon himself. It unnerved him to think about the day when he took on the three Drachmans alone. It scared him and it wasn't because he feared for his life at the time.

"Whatever you're hiding is just making us worry even more and I know that's the one thing you don't want us to do. Do you think I'm blind? This is just not stress from the war. What is it?"

"Fuck!" He suddenly cried out in anguish, unable to hold back anything. "Three fucking Drachmans took out a squad of thirteen men I was leading and kept me alive so they can use me to get back to their lines. But I took them on, even after having my skull cracked open and getting shot in the leg. Then I nearly drowned." He pressed his palms to his eyes hoping to dam the flood but it was useless. "I fought with no thought to self preservation. All I wanted was revenge. There was no point in cooperating with them. They were the enemy and it was my duty to kill or be killed," he said moving his hands away and looking Izumi in the eye, "which is what would have happened to me if they did get back to their own lines. But I was like a damn machine, a stupid, fucking human weapon. I didn't feel a fucking thing and you know what, I liked it. It hurts too damn much to feel because then I get scared. I almost died and it scares the hell out of me to think about that now but I didn't feel that when I was fighting. And I don't know what I'm going to do when this is all over. How I'm going to adjust? If I'll ever adjust..."

Izumi carefully approached Edward, like he was a frightened, feral kitten that would bolt with any sudden movement. When he didn't back away she put her arms around him and he gratefully sunk into her embrace once again.

"I didn't feel like I deserved my arm and leg. I still don't. I did stay in the military as punishment for myself," Edward said, his voice muffled against Izumi's shoulder. "I know it's changed me but it won't matter once we defeat the Drachmans. I keep telling myself this is for the people. I'm an alchemist, this is my duty but I don't feel like one. I forget what I'm fighting for. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing it just for the thrill of it. That I'm just like the Drachmans who just kill like they enjoy it. Am I going to be okay?"

"Yes," Izumi said stroking his hair. "You're going to have to remain strong no matter what it does to your sanity. But you will get through this. You are strong enough to maintain your humanity."

"Am I really that strong?"

"Yes, you are."

Izumi led Edward to a chair and sat him down, kneeling in front of him, looking into his eyes. "Not everyone is strong enough to stand up and fight for what is right. Those who have the strength will either take advantage of those weaker than themselves or will choose to fight for the weak. Those that choose the fighting have it the worse. They are few and always feel alone. They are alone. They get the praise and adulation when the job is done, but those they protected don't understand them and expect you to return to a normal life when it's over. It will be hard. Some may try to understand what you've been through and you'll resist them because they don't know what it was like. Then there are those who will just be there for you. As long as you don't resist that you won't be alone any more and eventually the hurt with ease as you find yourself gradually living a normal life. But that takes time and a peaceful world. You don't have that now. You'll have to be patient, even though that's hard for you to do."

Edward smiled remembering Havoc once telling him he liked to do things the hard way. This was definitely hard.

"I'm sorry," he said wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "I'm sorry for what I said and for acting like a grumpy teenager. I really didn't want to unload all this on you."

"It's alright," Izumi told him reassuringly. "You've been through a lot and you have a long road ahead of you. It'll help to talk things out to help you heal emotionally. You can't keep it locked up too tight," she said placing her hand over his heart. "You don't have the luxury of showing fear in front of the men you command. But you don't have to be afraid to show you're still human in front of your family. We're here for you."

"I know," he said sighing. "But I'm not ready to talk about the rest yet and I don't know if I could ever tell you everything. I don't know if I can even talk to Al or Winry."

"It doesn't matter who you talk to. All that matters is that you do eventually. I know this time I forced it out of you but you don't see yourself through our eyes. You had me worried. Now, don't feel bad about doing what is right for you. You are the judge for what is right for you; whether that's talking to your brother or not. It's okay to worry about yourself once in a while, on or off the battlefield."

"But I don't know if I can in a fight. I promised Al and Havoc I would but I couldn't give Jean a guarantee and Al doesn't believe me."

"That's what makes you, Edward. You're predictable. I know we would like you to take it easy, to be careful but it's just not in your nature. You have too much honor to allow what the Drachmans are doing and are willing to fight against them. Don't be ashamed and don't let our worries for your safety distract you. We will worry about you no matter what. You're compulsive and hot headed. I worry with you just walking down the street, wondering what kind of trouble you'll get into."

A chuckled escaped Edward unwillingly, wanting to be indignant over Izumi thinking she knew him so well. It couldn't be helped. Some things would never change about him.

"I know I've always said horrible things about the military," Izumi continued, wiping the rest of Edward's tears away. "And I still wish you hadn't gone off to fight. But we're not completely clueless to what you're doing for us and for the country. If it hadn't been for you and the very military I've hated, who knows how far Drachma would have invaded. I feel guilty for the things I've said but of course they were based on a corrupt military. I can understand why you chose to stay. When it's all over, just make sure you return in one piece."

Edward could only nod, feeling too exhausted for words but feeling incredible relief. He was grateful for Izumi. She was a rock that had weathered the storm of his angry, guilt and still stood strong, undefeated against it until it calmed down. When he went to bed that night he felt a weight had been lifted from his conscious. He was still weighed down but any confidence he had felt over the last two years felt insignificant compared to what he felt now. He still had a lot of issues to work through but those were things that would be dealt with later. He would be ready to face them when the appropriate time came. He would not worry about it now. He would get through the war. If he didn't he'd be ashamed of himself. He couldn't let those he cared for down. He'd given them enough grief, he didn't want to cause any more. He wouldn't accept such a failure in the first place, were his final thoughts as he fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	64. Chapter 64

All was almost right with the world for Edward. Almost was the key word. Some Amestrian invaders still needed to be dealt with instead of his issues. But he placed those on the back burner. That was alright. The more pressing details had been smoothed out with Winry, Izumi didn't kill him and he had the best automail he'd ever had. It was lighter, stronger and ready for him to use in the north with winter coming upon them. Izumi even helped him test its durability, unbeknownst to Winry.

Both women talked him into staying longer, mostly so they could try and fatten him up before sending him back; Izumi putting not allowing him any peace to keep him in shape. He still got easily winded and was still pretty sore, his right leg aching, but he enjoyed the exercise and using his muscles once again. He always knew the best way for him to heal was to jump back into working out.

They had taken a short run around the town and stopped at a small park where Edward could catch his breath. Izumi sat next to him, hardly winded.

"They sure did a number on you," she commented handing Edward a bottle of water.

"Did you think I made all that shit up?" He asked taking the water and drinking it down gratefully. "I was also stuck in a military hospital for two weeks," he added lying on his back still feeling the ache from his ribs as he took deep breaths to help steady his heart.

"Then I'm going to have to knock you back into shape. Also, I need to teach you a lesson after calling women whores. I didn't take you seriously yesterday but if I ever hear you say that again I'll put you in a hospital longer than two weeks."

Edward swallowed, ashamed of what he said. "I'm sorry. I won't say it again."

"Good," Izumi said. "There are women who do things that they feel they need to do. Just because it's not respectable to some people, they shouldn't be demeaned. I hope you're being a gentleman."

This was a bit of an embarrassing conversation for Edward. He had hoped Izumi didn't take him seriously but she was too smart to not see past the rudeness; that it did hold truth to his off duty activities. But he didn't think he had been mean to anyone. He always tried to be nice with Erika and she always seemed to enjoy being around him. She even said once that she liked him when he was rude and obnoxious. But he tried not to be like that and he didn't force anyone to do anything they didn't want to.

"And I hope you're being careful," Izumi added. "I'm too young to be a grandma."

Edward snorted, feeling the need to rile up his former alchemy teacher. "Please, you're as grumpy as an old hag."

Before Edward knew it Izumi had him on his stomach, the side of his face pressed into the dirt. His left arm was painfully twisted behind him as she leaned her leg against him. He had expected a slap across the head, not to be manhandled and attacked, especially after telling her what had happened to him the night before.

"What was that?" She said angrily.

"I said you look good for an old... Ah!" He cried out as she pressed harder into his back, pulling his arm back further. "All right! I'm sorry! You know I was kidding! Get off! I can't breath!"

Izumi let him go. Edward pushed himself back up to sit, rubbing his arm.

"Next time you call me old, I'll do this to you in front of your troop as punishment to show just how tough their Fullmetal Alchemist is."

Edward smirked. This was what he was used to from Izumi. As much as he appreciated her comforting words and kindness, he liked to see her fired up. "They should just release you in the north. The Drachmans would end up running in fear of their lives back to their own country… Ow!" He looked back up at Izumi, rubbing his head, still smirking. She just glared at him, her eyes lit up with annoyance.

"You just don't know when to keep that mouth of yours shut, do you?" She said looking down at him, the glare melting away despite how hard she tried to keep it in place.

"I wouldn't be me if I did," he replied with a cocky grin, standing up with a helping hand from Izumi.

"Come on. Let's get you something to eat," she said slapping him across the back.

"Fuck! The Drachmans hit like girls compared to you!"

"So what does that make me?" She asked looking at him with a warning eye that he'd better choose his words carefully.

"An angry old lady," he couldn't help but say with an impertinent twinkle in his eye.

"You are so dead," Izumi yelled making a reach for him but Edward anticipated it and was out of her reach and running down the block. He turned back around and stuck his tongue out at her.

"Oh, that's real mature, Ed," Izumi said trying to keep from smiling as she watched him continue jogging back down the street.

He spent the rest of his leave in Rush Valley but as usual, all good things have to come to an end and it was time for Edward to return to his troop. Izumi, Winry and Henri came to see him off at the train station. When it was time to board the train Edward was seized with sadness. He didn't want to leave but he had his duty and it was time to say goodbye.

He turned to Winry for a hug. "I'll try not to break it," he told her, trying to be lighthearted having already seen the tears in her eyes.

"I know you and Izumi already tried," she said smiling as they parted. "You two didn't fool me."

Edward smiled, holding his arm up. "It passed inspection."

"Of course it did," Winry scoffed. "Henri and I are the best here. We wouldn't send you off with shoddy work. It'd ruin our reputation."

"Well, it wouldn't have been the first time you sent me off with bad automail," Edward said with a smirk.

"That was a long time ago," Winry said her cheeks coloring. She had finally confessed to forgetting a part when she built him a new arm several years earlier. "It was your fault for rushing me." She said, trying to push the blame on Edward, who just smiled at her, thinking how he was going to miss arguing with his best friend.

He turned and shook hands with Henri, thanking him for his part with the new automail. Edward also silently thanked him for taking care of Winry. He knew one day he'd have to tell Henri out loud. Then he went over to where Izumi was standing.

She was the closest he had to a mother now and he was going to miss her. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight, trying not to crush her. She suddenly seemed so thin and frail. He didn't know if it was because he had grown or if his confidence had just overwhelmed him to the point where he felt that it was him and only him that could protect her and the rest of the country from the Drachmans. Whatever it was made it easier to let go, knowing he was doing the right thing leaving. It was like she was feeding him her strength and confidence, knowing he needed it more in order to help him endure through the long road ahead of him. He wouldn't let them down. He wouldn't toss aside their support.

Once he and Izumi were finally able to part – and after promising to write - he sat down and looked out the train window, smiling. He waved at his family as the train began to pull away from the platform. It wasn't just Al he had to come back to. He had Izumi who had assumed the role of his mother, Winry, his best friend and sister and Henri, who would likely become his brother as well. He wasn't alone. He never was. They would always be there for him, worrying, despite his efforts to keep them from doing so. But they always would, just as he would for them. These were the people that would keep him from losing himself during this bloody war. He just had to stop pushing people away. He didn't have to confess his deep, dark secrets. He just had to let the mask down to show them he was still Edward.

The train ride back wasn't as tense as the one to Rush Valley was. He knew what was ahead of him this time. It made him smile. He had another family to get back to. Brothers in arms, Izumi had said when referring to Havoc. It was true. Havoc and the men he commanded were his brothers. They were there to support him just as he was there for them. No, he definitely wasn't alone and there was no reason to feel like that.


	65. Chapter 65

When Edward stepped off the train onto the platform of the North City station he was met with a grinning Havoc. He was glad to see Edward again, having been bored out of his mind without his commanding officer around to get drunk and argue with. He was also there to make sure Edward went back to see Dr. Knox for a final exam before resuming his normal duties. Unfortunately Edward couldn't get out of it; the orders came from Mustang that he pass a physical first. He did pass and Dr. Knox was pleased when he saw Edward, though thought he still needed to regain some weight. But he looked well rested and a lot less sullen. Dr. Knox took what he could get from an uncooperative, headstrong officer.

Not only was Edward welcomed back by his First Lieutenant but by a very nice surprise. His troop had more than doubled and his incompetent Majors and Captain were replaced with more seasoned veterans.

The winter months were spent training and it was Edward's chance to get to know the men. His troop was placed further south of North City for their training, in a small village called Latrue. There he and Havoc put the new men under his command to the test.

Even though they were in friendly territory, all men were placed on guard duty rotation. Edward or Havoc would often sneak out at night and try to catch the guards unaware. At first it was very easy and the men, who were caught sleeping or not paying attention, were punished by running extra laps with full gear on in the mud. But they soon caught on and Edward and Havoc were finding it harder to catch anyone off their guard. Edward was very pleased. His renewed energy and vigor often wore Havoc out but Edward was always ready to be doing something, even though the weather made it difficult but he found ways.

It didn't take long for the evacuees of North City to return, even if the Drachmans were not that far away, holed up in the three towns to the north. There was no fear of losing the city again. Everyone knew that the final campaign to drive out the Drachmans was upon them. While the troop spent most of their time in the village, it was small and didn't offer much for entertainment. It was too cold for long rows of tents so the men billeted in stables, barns, sheds and granaries throughout the village. A trip to North City was like visiting a vacation resort compared to the village. Edward was so very grateful to the loyal citizens of Amestris for braving the cold and returning to the devastated city to rebuild and provide entertainment for the soldiers.

With the first hint of spring Edward was called from Latrue one day to meet with Brigadier General Locke. He was getting a little tired of the surprises that always awaited him at these meetings. This one was no different.

The Drachmans had done a number on northern headquarters. Whatever wasn't taken with the Amestris military when they cleared out had been used and abused during the occupation, then destroyed when the Drachmans pulled out in their retreat. Edward even spotted one of his Major's, who was directing a team of engineers to conduct repairs. _At least I taught him something useful_, Edward thought with pride. The man wouldn't do well in a fight but helping to rebuild headquarters and North City was better than nothing.

The Major spotted Edward and saluted smartly, a smile of awe and relief mixed together as Edward acknowledged the salute with a reassuring smile of his own. The Major hadn't seen his former commanding officer in over a month. They had been told that Lieutenant Colonel Elric had been called away by the Fuhrer on a special mission. It didn't take long for the real story to circulate. The Major was happy to see Edward looking so well.

"Who is that?" An engineer working with the Major asked, wondering why the Major was still saluting an officer whose retreating figure was already half way down the hall.

"That's the Fullmetal Alchemist," the Major said using Edward's title with a sense of reverence.

"Really?" The engineer said looking back down at Edward with more interest, knowing the reputation of the youngest certified State Alchemist.

"Huh," he then said a second later. "I thought he was short."

When Edward entered Locke's old office he noted how it looked as it did before the retreat. But the signs of alchemy were not missed by Edward's trained eye. Nor did he miss the familiar faces that were gathered around Locke's new table covered in maps. He almost forgot how to walk seeing Mustang, General Olivia Armstrong standing there. He was used to the three of them by now but the new face among them, disturbed Edward the most.

Lin Yao, twelfth son of the Emperor of Xing, seeker of immortality... homunculus. Of course he wouldn't be left alone without two very loyal guards, hidden behind their traditional disguise of a decorated mask and clothed in black from head to toe. Edward didn't have to guess that Lin's guardians were none other than, Fu and his granddaughter, Ran Fan, who was likely sporting an automail arm like his own.

Lin seemed a little out of place in his too clean, too fancy for combat uniform. It was more of a dress uniform that was black with red piping. Two rows of gold buttons went down the front along with gold filigree along the edge of his sleeves. His hair had been cropped close like Edward's, covered by a smart looking cap that was black with similar gold filigree. He looked like an officer. He looked human. But Edward couldn't be sure to trust his own eyes until he saw the back of Lin's hand, which were hidden and clasped behind his back.

Edward finally remembered to salute as he reminded his legs he needed to move forward. He felt a nervous anxiety coursing through him as he maneuvered into a spot around the table, keeping as far away from Lin as he could get while remaining close to the door for a quick get away. He was completely focused on Lin and any sudden moves he would have to anticipate that he didn't notice the appraising looks he got from Mustang, Armstrong and Locke. Each one seemed to be examining him, checking for any sign that he was not yet up for duty. Like his new automail, he passed their inspection with flying colors. The winter had been cold yet Edward seemed to thrive under such conditions.

"Well, Fullmetal," Mustang began. "How do you like your new troop?"

"They're good men. It seems I've been saved the trouble of weeding out the incompetence myself."

"Imagine that," Mustang said with no trace of knowing what Edward meant. "Well, we're here for more serious matters; not just for a report of your troop's progress."

_Yeah, like explaining why there's a homunculus in our midst and nobody seems to be on their guard_... "What would that be, sir?" He said instead.

Edward was a little uneasy over everyone else's lack of concern. Obviously they knew something he didn't and he really hated it when Mustang did that to him.

"Some disturbing intelligence has reached us that there is a price on your head."

Edward stared dumbfounded. This was not what he was expecting. He was hoping for an explanation for Lin's - or Greed's or whatever the hell he was - presence. It took him a second to switch gears to this new, rather unsettling news. Hadn't he been through enough already?

When Edward didn't say anything, Mustang continued. "It seems a price has been placed on all alchemists but the price is doubled for you specifically."

"How do you know this?" Edward was finally able to ask.

"Prince Lin was kind enough to share this bit of information with us," Mustang said finally acknowledging the other young man, who in Edward's opinion had no business being there.

"And how does _he_ know this?" Edward asked rudely, not bothering to maintain any politeness when referring to Lin, watching him closely as he directed the question toward Mustang.

"Elric," Locke warned, looking at him disapprovingly, not appreciating Edward's disrespectful tone.

"Prince Lin has some rather useful spies in Drachma," Mustang said, disregarding Edward's rudeness.

"And he's sharing this information out of the kindness of his heart," Edward said sarcastically. He wasn't too concerned about Lin's spies. He was concerned with Lin and why everyone was taking their sweet time explaining to him. He looked to Locke, hoping to get a read of the situation from him, knowing it was useless with Mustang and Armstrong, both stone cold and unreadable when they felt it necessary. But Locke, who was usually very expressive, seemed clueless. Perhaps clueless wasn't the right word. More like innocent. Edward got the impression Locke was completely unaware of what possessed Lin.

"I don't mean to sound rude, or ungrateful for this information," Edward said trying a different tactic that would hopefully help him get some answers. "But alchemists have always been targeted. How is this any different?

"They've been targeted to be killed in battle or to make it more difficult for them to use alchemy. This is to bring you in and put you, and the others, on trial for war crimes."

"War crimes!" Edward exclaimed, hardly believing the Drachmans had the nerve. "They don't do anything different!"

"They have different rules governing the way they fight," Armstrong interrupted. "They think it's not fair we have an advantage over them by using alchemists."

"Because they've always fought fair," Edward said with disgust. "So what does that mean?"

"That if captured, you will be brought to trial, likely paraded through the streets of their Capital as war criminals and humiliated, tortured, whatever they feel like doing," Armstrong explained casually. A little too casually in Edward's opinion when it meant he would be the one going through the torturing if caught again. But any concern he had for himself didn't last long when he realized something.

"I don't give a fuck what they do to me," he said, his eyes flashing out of anger over the Drachmans and their one sided rules. "They're all fucking bastards, and because they are they'll double their efforts and nobody will be spared that stands in their way of us alchemists and them, which means my men. Now you're going to tell me to be careful and discreet when using alchemy but that makes me useless to protect anyone. Either way, it's my men who end up fucked!"

"Elric," Locke snapped.

"I'm sorry, sir," Edward said but not feeling sorry.

"No apology is needed," Mustang said, intervening, hoping to diffuse Edward's flaring temper. "You have every right to be angry. It would be pointless to order you to be careful and discreet, as you put it. But you are important to this country. We have made arrangements to see that you can perform your duties unhindered."

"And how is that?" Edward asked suspiciously.

"I have volunteered a force of my own warriors to work under your command," Lin said, finally speaking up for the first time.

"What?" Edward said, hardly believing his ears. No way in hell was he going to allow himself to be anywhere near a homunculus, much less work with one or depend on them to watch his back. But it wasn't just that, which bothered him. "What about the other alchemists? Are you going to do this for Major Armstrong as well?"

"Of course," General Armstrong snorted with a little smirk, the first sign of any real emotion showing through. "Little Alex needs all the help he can get..."

"Olivier, please," Mustang sighed, the first sign of anything from him now. Edward could see how worried he was. "Lin has offered a large number of warriors from the Yao clan and another to assist us."

"How kind of him," Edward spat. "What does he get in return?"

"Elric," Locke said disapprovingly. "That does not concern you. You should be grateful for the assistance, especially after what happened to you a month ago. With the number of warriors the Prince is offering, it could help us end this war even sooner."

"I'm sorry to appear ungrateful," Edward said directing the apology to Locke, not to Mustang or Lin. "This is just unusual and a little hard for me to accept. We've never allied ourselves with any of our neighbors before," he added now turning to look at Mustang, hoping he understood the real meaning behind the words. "I also don't like that it seems I can't take care of myself or my men and I have to depend on some foreigners for protection. I am a State Alchemist after all. But that title doesn't mean I'm worth more than someone who is not an alchemist."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Locke's mouth as he watched Edward, giving him even more reason to like the young officer and to want to make sure he was well protected.

"Fullmetal, we understand your concern," Mustang reassured. "We value everyone equally. But the Drachmans have an excellent spy network, an irritatingly good one," he added under his breath with distaste. "They will know where all the alchemists are stationed and will take steps to apprehend them. Wherever you are they will have doubled, or tripled their usual force of men. We are not leaving anyone undefended. We are just providing you with a force of your own to equal the strength of theirs."

What Mustang said made sense. But they still didn't answer his question about Lin and it didn't ease his already stirred up anxiety. He nodded stiffly, not able to trust himself with words and forced himself to listen to the rest of his orders. It was hard to pay attention. He kept worrying about the price on his head. It was nothing new, having been pursued by Scar. But he knew the Drachmans and how determined they could be. He had his brother, Izumi and Winry who expected him to return when the war was over. Also, throughout the meeting his eyes kept going to Lin, checking for any signs he'd burst out, covered in that ultimate shield the homunculus Greed was so proud of, to kill them all. Perhaps he was just being paranoid. But could anyone really blame him for being paranoid. He'd had more than his share of dealing with homicidal homunculus, alchemist killing Ishbalans and Drachman bastards. He was going to be jumping at shadows for a long time.

* * *

Author's Note: This story follows the manga and contains spoilers up to Chapter 80. Anything else that has since happened I will not be incorporating into The Drachman War.


	66. Chapter 66

Edward walked down the corridor alone, trying to remember the basics of alchemy. Izumi had given him a new book before he left. It was just like the one he picked up as a child when he started dabbling in the art. When he first looked at the book he thought it ridiculous to be going over something he knew by heart. At the moment, going over the basic teachings was the only thing keeping him from exploding. Everything about the war was just getting better and better. But he tried not to let it get to him. He wouldn't react the way he used to; his little emotional breakdowns. He knew he had to remain, cool, calm and collected.

"Ed!"

But that asshole was not going to help any.

"Ed, wait up!"

Edward looked over his shoulder to see Lin Yao jogging to catch up with him.

"You stay the fuck away from me!" Edward warned without slowing down.

"Will you just stop so I can explain? I know why you're upset."

"If you do then you should know better than to take another step," Edward threatened as he kept on walking.

"Ed, we were friends once. Please stop and listen for a minute."

Edward stopped and sighed irritably. Lin sounded so genuine and... human. Perhaps he learned to perfect the act Edward thought. Maybe it was curiosity or an old sense of loyalty - which Edward was now considering as unnecessary and a major personality flaw - that made him turn around. Lin covered the last few yards between them and stopped before Edward. Slowly, he extended his left hand that was covered with a white glove. Edward stared at it knowing this was his opportunity to finally get an answer and he didn't hesitate.

Edward stared in shocked amazement at the back of Lin's smooth, unblemished hand. He reached over, grabbing the Xing Prince's other hand and yanked the glove off, thinking perhaps the wrong hand had been offered for inspection but it too bore no markings, no sign of the Ouroboros.

"How...? What...?" He couldn't form a sensible question in his head as he reached for the other hand and stared at both of them, almost like he was waiting for the mark to appear to show him it was all a big joke.

"We have alchemists in Xing, too," Lin said simply, smiling over Edward's confusion.

Edward dropped Lin's hands and gave back the gloves. Lin took them back, watching Edward carefully.

He was still confused and unsure what to think about this. He knew he should be glad Lin was no longer a homunculus. But was that the case? Was that even possible? How was it done? He had all these questions running through his head but found he was unable to ask any of them.

"Right now is not the best time to explain," Lin said seeing Edward's questioning expression. "We'll have time to talk later."

But there was one thing Edward needed an answer to without delay. "What happened to all your 'doing whatever it takes to find immortality' bull shit?"

"I couldn't allow myself to host a creature that had set out to destroy your country," Lin said sincerely, looking straight into Edward's eyes. "Greed never believed in Father or his plans but he was still one of them."

"So what do you get out of allying yourself with us?" Edward asked, hoping to finally get an answer.

"I get to become Emperor of Xing."

"Just like that?" Edward asked incredulous.

"Well, not 'just like that'," Lin said. "There are some technicalities."

"Such as...?"

"This is not the best place to explain."

"Fuck this shit," Edward grumbled walking away, displeased with having to wait for more answers. Patience was never a virtue for him - or exercised. He never once considered himself a hypocrite, always hiding things himself, yet always demanding others give him the answers he sought.

"Hey, Ed," Lin called after him, with a sly grin. "I'm looking forward to working with you again. Don't worry about feeding me. I came prepared this time."

"I doubt that," Edward mumbled to himself but couldn't help but want to smile.

Once outside of headquarters he paused and took a deep breath before stepping into the awaiting car that would take him back to Latrue.

_Perhaps this is good_, he thought on the ride back. _This could work._

Three hundred of Lin's warriors would be under his command... _his command_. He would be making the decisions even with Lin there, who requested to be under Edward's command along with Fu and Ran Fan. The three hundred Xing warriors plus his troop of four hundred thirty six, not counting medics and cooks; they would be a force to be reckoned with. He was no longer worried about the Drachmans doubling or tripling their men wherever he was. He'd seen Lin, Fu and Ran Fan at work. Times their strength and skill by a hundred... It was a scary thought. The Drachmans should be worried and it made Edward shudder with excitement that for once they would be able to intimidate their enemies. Now add to that skill his own seasoned veterans who he put through intense training over the winter... he was confident they could take on the whole Drachman army.

His excitement over the thought of commanding over seven hundred was enough to make him forget the questions he wanted Lin to answer. The Xing Prince was going to be around for a while and Edward knew he'd get his answers... _or else!_ It didn't matter if he was a Prince or an ally, Edward didn't care. He'd give Lin a good ass kicking if he didn't get his answers.

* * *

Two days later, after being transferred to the northwest fringes of North City, Edward held his breath in awe as he watched Lin's warriors march by. Seeing the first hundred pass felt like a cloud of black death rolling by. Each and every one of them was clothed in black, as Fu and Ran Fan were. But instead of the decorated mask, the lower half of their faces were covered with a swath of black cloth, showing only their eyes; dark, deadly eyes that showed no fear, only instilling it. It worked and Edward had to remind himself they were working together. He didn't have to fear them but he couldn't help it. They didn't appear to be carrying any weapons but Edward knew better and a grin begin to form as he thought of ways to put them to use.

Havoc, whistled as the ghosts in black passed. "You've got to let me work with them," he said excitedly.

"Actually, I was thinking of leaving you in charge of our supplies," Edward said with a wicked grin, wanting to have a little fun with his Lieutenant by raining on his parade.

"You wouldn't dare," Havoc said in disbelief. "Wait a minute, I take that back. You would just to make my life miserable."

"You know me too well."

The next column of men was more what they were used to. Men in dark green uniform, with red piping, rifles held to their chests with Lin leading and Ran Fan on his right and an officer to his left - Fu leading the warriors in black.

Once they passed it was time for Edward's battalion to follow. _Battalion_, he thought. _My battalion_. He had to restrain himself from grinning like a fool when he gave the orders to his four Captains to start moving out their companies. He watched the men march by him for a minute. This was no longer a rag-tag group of men assigned to a rookie Lieutenant Colonel. They were well organized and trained to go along with their still young Lieutenant Colonel, who had proven himself to be quite capable, even more so than most officers who had been in the military longer than he had. No fear of failure or not knowing what to do with so many men ever crossed his mind as the sound of orders being shouted rang through the air and the splashing of marching feet in the mud added to the cacophony of Lin's group.

With such a large group it would take them three days to arrive at their post. With Edward's smaller troop it would have only taken one and a half. But there was a lot more men, supplies and equipment to keep track of now. _A lot more men..._ The thought still sent a giddy shiver down his spine as he joined his men.

It was late afternoon as they were marched through a wooded area down a muddy road. Edward was marching alone, alongside Company B as he studied a map and smoked as he walked along.

"Young Master has requested you join him for dinner tonight."

"Fuck!" Edward cried out as he nearly jumped out of his skin, losing his cigarette and dropping the map in the mud. He bent down to pick up the map and glared, irritably up at the masked figure that stood beside him, silently waiting for him to answer.

"You know, Ran Fan," he said recognizing the mask she usually wore. "I liked the one I made for you better," he said pointing toward her hidden face, irritated she had snuck up on him and with his reaction.

"It was revolting and disgusting!" She hissed.

"Hey! It was a work of art!" Edward said insulted as he straightened and tried to shake off the mud on the map. "I thought it fit your personality."

"It was a piece of trash."

"Now you're just being rude," Edward smirked. "Hold this for me," he said putting a fresh cigarette back in his mouth as he handed Ran Fan the muddy map, who sighed and took it. He lit his cigarette then clapped his hands together, placing them over the map. Over the blue light of the transmutation a fine mist surrounded the map then evaporated. Edward took the map back and shook off the remaining dirt.

"You don't cover it?" Ran Fan asked curiously.

"Cover what?" He said as he resumed marching along the side of the road, not wanting to fall behind.

"Your automail," Ran Fan clarified keeping pace with him.

"What for?"

"Are you not embarrassed?"

"Why would I be embarrassed by my arm? Look, what was it that you wanted?" Edward said feeling uncomfortable with this line of conversation with Ran Fan. She was always irritated with him. He didn't like all these getting-to-know-you questions. Besides, he wasn't ashamed of his automail. He hadn't bothered to cover his hand for a while now, except during winter when he wore black, leather gloves.

"Young Master has requested you join him for dinner tonight."

"What's for dinner?"

"What does that matter?"

"It matters in order to help me decide whether to accept or not."

"You have been requested, there is no choice for you."

"It is as long as I'm in command here," Edward said pompously.

"I wouldn't know. I'm not a cook."

"Shouldn't you know, you are a woman after all," Edward said smirking.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ran Fan slip a knife out then with a hissed curse - that Edward couldn't translate but still understood the full meaning - she disappeared within the trees. It wasn't long before Lin appeared at his side a few minutes later, just as quietly as Ran Fan had.

"So, Ed," he said with a smirk, startling Edward. "I hear you and Ran Fan are getting along as usual."

"Fuck! Will you two stop doing that?" Edward said annoyed that it happened again but glad he didn't drop anything this time.

"Sorry," Lin said not sounding sorry.

Edward sighed. "That girl can't take a joke. So what's for dinner?"

"Information. I thought we should catch up. It's been a while. I'm sure you have some questions you'd like answered."

Edward stopped and stared at Lin, hardly believing his ears. Was someone actually willing to give him answers now? It had to be a dream. But he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip away.


	67. Chapter 67

It was early evening when the battalion was ordered to halt. Tents and small fires soon popped up quickly for the men to settle down for the night. Edward was going over guard duty schedules with his Captains when an escort came for him from Lin's group. He quickly finished up business then dismissed the Captains for the night. Edward didn't accept Lin's invitation for dinner for his answers but he was curious what a Prince from Xing out on the field would have to offer a guest. He desperately hoped it wasn't tough hard tack and overly salted beef. Maybe he'd get the opportunity to sample some Xing alcoholic beverages too.

He followed the escort through the long rows of tents and smoky haze. There wasn't much of a difference between the general attitude of his men and the uniformed soldiers from Xing. They all sat around campfires, eating, playing cards, laughing and talking as they relaxed. But the warriors in black that surrounded Lin's tent were somber and on the alert. Their faces were uncovered as they sat around campfires too but there was no easygoing conversations being shared amongst comrades.

He was a little embarrassed when he entered Lin's tent. He felt underdressed and comparing his own tent to Lin's didn't help. Lin's supplies didn't look any different than his own battalions so Edward didn't understand where everything came from. The interior had a soft red glow to it, the ground covered in furs and tapestries. In the middle was a table that was lavish and overflowing with food and delicious smells. The escort guided him to sit and it wasn't long until Lin swept in from an opening in the back of the tent. Through the flap Edward could see a bed with several lush comforters.

"Hey, Ed! I'm glad you're here now. I'm starving," Lin said taking his place at the opposite end of the table.

"Don't you think this is a bit much?" Edward asked as Lin began to dig in, sweeping his hand around to indicate the elaborate tent and dining table. "We're at war, not on vacation. You're not here for sightseeing."

"I know, I told them not to go overboard," Lin said with a shrug of his shoulders as he ate. "But I'm a Prince and certain loyal followers believe I should be treated as one. But never mind all this, go ahead, eat."

A plate full of hot food was already in front of Edward. He restrained himself from inhaling everything on his plate. Sure, it was just Lin who never restrained from eating like a glutton in front of him but the atmosphere, his uniform, being in the presence of someone who would end up the Emperor of a country... it was time to learn some manners, no matter how good the food was.

"I can understand how you would see this as too much," Lin said starting some dinner conversation. "You've been roughing it for over two years now. But I figured you are an officer, you're my guest; why not entertain you in style. It has to be better than what you usually get."

"It is," Edward agreed. "Though this doesn't make up for all your bills I had to pay," he added with a smirk.

"Or your friendship I threw away. I'm sorry for that."

"Huh?" Edward said caught off guard, his fork halfway to his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

"Accepting Greed," Lin said quietly. "Especially after knowing what Envy did in Ishbal. I never should have done it knowing how evil the homunculi were. I should have listened to you."

"But you're not a homunculus anymore," Edward pointed out. He could easily forgive Lin. He had been forgiven for the mistakes he'd made.

"The point is if I had listened I never would have gone through what I did in the first place."

"I can't hold it against you for not listening. I'm not one to listen either. So how did you...?" Edward began to ask, anxious to learn the truth now.

"Yeah, that..." Lin sighed. "It's a long story. I was able to cohabit my body with Greed. You saw that for yourself, when I talked him into giving you the message for Ran Fan and thank you for delivering it by the way. You didn't have to, especially since the request came from a homunculus."

"I think I was holding on to some hope that you were still in there somewhere," Edward said thoughtfully.

"I was," he said shuddering. "You know, that Father thing was really creepy and ugh," he said with another shudder. "He was a disgusting creature and I hated being around him but I was stuck. Greed didn't care. He just went along doing whatever Father said. But something happened. While patrolling underground we came upon a chimera. Not the mindless beasts Father kept but one that had been human. Greed killed him but the chimera knew the old Greed."

"What did this chimera look like?" Edward asked.

"He was bald, had a tail, he was almost lizard like."

Edward remembered him from Dublith. He thought everyone in the Devil's Nest had been killed by the military when they raided the place. "So then what happened?"

"Greed lost it; though I kind of instigated it. His past memories came back and he went after Wrath, remembering it was him that came in and killed Greed's friends. That was actually a fun fight," Lin said with a wicked grin. "That shield of Greed's was really useful. But Greed couldn't finish Bradley off so he broke ties with Father and left," Lin continued. "His thoughts were in turmoil. He was angry after being betrayed like that and vowed never to be a part of them again, that he would head out on his own. With him stirred up like that he wasn't paying attention so I took over."

"What did you do then?" Edward asked anxiously, feeling like a small kid listening to an intriguing bedtime story.

"I tried to get back to Xing, thinking I was in control and could use Greed; that I finally had what I was looking for. But it didn't take long for Greed to want my body back. I ended up meeting that little girl, Mei Chan. I was hiding out in that old shack outside of Central. She said that cat of hers took off and led her there. Before Greed took control I made an arrangement with her that if she helped me get back to Xing somehow, even as Greed, that I would help her clan. She's a smart little girl. She did it. Got me back and even helped get rid of Greed from within me."

"Did it hurt?" Edward asked, and then wished he hadn't asked when he saw the first flicker of emotion in Lin's dark eyes. It was fear and pain. It did hurt and Lin remembered it all too vividly. "How did she get Greed to go to Xing?" He then asked when Lin didn't answer, knowing from experience that he didn't like to discuss his own memories of pain.

"She promised he could have the whole country and he could get back at Envy," Lin said continuing his tale.

"Envy? How does that nut fit into this?" Edward said disgustedly as he began stabbing at his food. Envy the shape shifter, the one who began the Ishbal war, the one who made too many references to his lack of height.

"Mei told me some doctor helped defeat Envy. He was nothing but this nasty little thing when they were done with him. Mei told Greed he could finish Envy off after returning to Xing. So once in Xing, Greed was captured and with Mei's experience with Envy and some creative alchemy, Greed was removed."

Edward stared at Lin. He barely touched his dinner as Lin related his story. It was getting cold and he found he no longer had an appetite. This was a lot to take in.

"How come Greed didn't just take Envy from Mei?" Edward asked a minute later, after letting the story sink into his brain a bit.

"I told you, Mei's a smart girl. She buried Envy and was the only person that knew where. If Greed wanted Envy he had to comply. He couldn't kill Mei; he wouldn't be able to find Envy. But he also considered Mei useful as well so that was another reason he didn't kill her. Greed always did like having an entourage."

"Where is Mei now?"

"In Xing; she's preparing for my return to claim the throne. We've aligned our two clans. As the twelfth son I outrank Mei, who is seventeenth in line. But when I become Emperor the Chan clan's status will improve and become very prominent under my reign."

"So how does allying yourself with us do anything for you?"

Lin grinned wickedly. "You'll see."

Edward didn't like the sound of that. "When will I get to see?"

"When this war is over."

Edward sighed and started poking at the food on his plate. He still wanted an answer but Lin did share quite a bit for one night.

"So," Lin said breaking the silence, putting his elbows on the table as he leaned forward. "Now it's your turn."

"My turn," Edward said looking up in surprise. "My turn for what?"

"Information. I told you what I've been up to. Now you tell me what you've been up to."

"I've been fighting in this damn war, trying to keep from being killed," Edward answered irritably.

"Yeah, yeah," Lin said with a wave of his hand. "That's obvious. How did you end up as a Lieutenant Colonel?"

"How else? Mustang. I'm his pet, haven't you heard?" Edward grumbled now losing his appetite completely.

"Mustang was really worried about you," Lin said looking at Edward with serious eyes. "He told me about the Drachmans that captured you. I think that really shook him up; almost losing you."

Edward didn't care whether Mustang was worried or not. He felt that's what the new Fuhrer deserved after asking him to stay in the military. "Well, I'm fine. That's old news anyways. It's in the past."

"There's also something else I've been dying to know since I heard. How did you get your brother's body back?"

"That's for me to know and you to figure out," Edward said stubbornly. "I didn't go through all that trouble just to give out that kind of information for free. I worked for it and I earned it. You didn't."

"Come on; tell me," Lin pleaded, not ready to drop the subject. "I know I'm not an alchemist and wouldn't understand the details but I'm still curious."

"No."

"Is this the thanks I get, inviting you here, and sharing my food and my dark secrets with you?" Lin said knowingly, looking like he understood there was something dark about the way Edward got Al's body back. "I'm not clueless, Ed. I can understand you not telling me if I had no idea of Philosopher's Stones or homunculi. But I do. Vague stories have reached my ears. You went north, disappeared then you suddenly return to Central with Winry _and_ your flesh and blood brother."

He'd done it once. He was able to tell Havoc, though it had literally been choked out of him. Could he tell Lin? Should he? They had both been through a lot. Having a homunculus removed could not have been a very pleasant experience. He had no doubts trusting Lin anymore. Besides, Lin just finished telling him everything that happened. It was only right he do the same. _Equivalent exchange... _he thought to himself, or so he did.

"What was that?" Lin asked.

"Oh nothing," he said not realizing he had said what he was thinking out loud. He swallowed nervously then taking a deep breath he started. "When I disappeared it was because I was injured in a fight with Kimbley. He was this crazy State Alchemist that was working with the homunculus. That fucker brought a whole building down on me and two of his own men, who were chimeras. Kimbley ran and I managed to get the three of us free. Kimbley had two stones but lost one and one of the chimeras found it. When I recovered I found Al and told him we had to go back to find Kimbley, to stop him from destroying Briggs. Before Al and I left for Briggs again, I made sure Dr. Marcoh got the stone so he could help the chimeras and Jean.

"I'm sure you know this, how Amestris is sitting on a huge transmutation circle. You've heard the stories about Xerxes, how it was destroyed in one night." Lin nodded having visited the ruins on his first trip to Amestris so long ago.

"Well, it was Father who destroyed Xerxes to create a Philosopher's Stone," Edward continued. "And he was going to do it again with Amestris. Briggs was the last piece of it. I heard Kimbley tried to take Briggs out by using Drachma to attack the fort, but it didn't work. I knew he'd try again so I had to stop him. It didn't take a genius to figure out he'd attempt to bring Briggs down by finding a weak point within the fort. I found him underground, in the tunnel Sloth had made. I had already broken the seal on Al's armor, returning his soul to his body in the Gate. I knew Kimbley still had a Philosopher's Stone on him so when I confronted him, before he could do anything I transmuted and used him as a sacrifice for Al's body in return, drawing on the power from the stone. After that Pride and Wrath showed up along with Mustang on their tail. They tried to do what Kimbley was supposed to but we didn't let them."

"You destroyed them?" Lin asked in awe, leaning closer towards Edward, just as intrigued with Edward's story as he was with the young Prince's.

"Yes."

"How?" Lin asked excitedly.

"The Philosopher's Stone or rather what was left of it. Mustang had weakened both Wrath and Pride pretty good so I transmuted them and returned them to the Gate."

"Gate? That's the second time you've mentioned it. What it that?"

"Alchemy bull shit," Edward tried to explain away not wanting to get into the details of the Gate. He hated the Gate. It was the source of all his trouble in the past. "Anyways, that's where they belonged. That's where the homunculus originally came from when Father was created. They were just extensions of Father who was the original homunculus. The Gate also took the stone.

"Then I came back to Central," he continued, "to get the help Al needed and by that time Drachma wasn't too happy with Kimbley or Amestris so they launched a large scale attack on Briggs. The military was in an uproar over who would assume command. Bradley was missing and the General's in his circle didn't waste time and began fighting for power. Mustang just sat back and let the Generals take each other out, one by one until there was nothing left to do but for him to come forward and smooth talk the country into choosing him as their Fuhrer. With Breda in the west and Fuery in the south, they helped spread the word about Mustang so he had support from those two regions. He also had support from General Grumman in the east and Mustang coming from the east didn't hurt either. Add Armstrong - who controlled the north - putting her weight behind Mustang and playing the innocent victim of the Generals who pulled her away from Briggs weakening it, it was almost too easy for Mustang. The country needed someone to lead the military to stop the Drachmans; the Generals were painted as traitors too worried with their position than with Drachma."

"So Mustang asked you to stay in the military to help fight the Drachmans and you accepted because you felt guilty for keeping the automail." Lin said pointing at Edward's hand, wrapping up the story for him.

"Pretty much," he sighed tiredly, realizing his summary did not do justice to the importance those events had. It was all so mind numbingly exhausting and yet, instead of resting and taking it easy he accepted the promotion and put himself back into another dangerous situation. _I must have a death wish_, he thought, amused. _Or maybe I was just bored._

"This would make a great novel," Lin said sitting back. He barely touched his dinner too. "It's filled with so much intrigue and adventure. Except there's still something missing."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, hoping Lin hadn't noticed.

"What happened to Father and Sloth?

"They were returned to the gate."

"How? By who?"

"Some bastard," Edward grumbled stabbing at his food again vigorously.

"And what bastard would that be?"

"My dad, alright! And that's all I'll say. I still hate that man so I don't want to talk about him."

"But he helped save your country," Lin pointed out, leaning forward again. "Shouldn't you give him some credit?"

"If he had the power to save the country why didn't he have the power to stay home and raise us?!"

"Touchy subject," Lin said with a small smile. "But it explains why you hate him, thanks, Ed."

Edward clamped his mouth shut realizing Lin tricked him into his outburst to know why he hated his father.

"You know," Lin said thoughtfully a minute later, looking straight into Edward's eyes. "You really didn't need Kimbley to get Al's body. He had the stone that was all you really needed. Was it revenge that you got rid of him?"

"Yes," Edward said not flinching under Lin's intense glare. "I did it for revenge after what he did to me, Darius and Heinckel and the people of Ishbal."

"That's why I like you, Ed," Lin said with an approving look. "You don't hesitate to get your soul dirty."


	68. Chapter 68

Later that evening, as Edward returned to his tent his head was full of everything he had just learned - and was trying to accept about himself – that he didn't notice Havoc walking along with him.

"What's the matter, Chief?"

"I'm so mentally exhausted now," Edward said sounding jaded over the evening with Lin.

"So you two compared notes," Havoc guessed following Edward who ducked into his tent.

Edward sat down heavily at his table looking around. His tent was nowhere near as luxurious as Lin's. It was the exact opposite. A cot sat in the corner with his bed roll laid out over it, there was his table, bigger than the one he had before but nothing fancy and two chairs, Havoc seating himself in one opposite from Edward. He had tossed his pack against the cot and there was a box of paperwork waiting for him to go through with reports to file and write. He would have appreciated a more comfortable place to sleep but he was used to traveling light. But his current mental state didn't allow him to dwell on it too much.

He slumped in his chair, leaning his head against the back and lit a cigarette, staring at the top of the tent as swirls of smoke began to drift up. "I need a drink."

"Ask and you shall receive," Havoc said taking his flask out and putting it on the table in front of Edward.

Edward reached out and took it. Taking a couple of long drinks he handed it back. Leaning back in his chair again, he laughed. "I barely ate. I was so wrapped up in his story then he wanted to know mine."

"I can have something brought in for you," Havoc offered.

"No, I don't think I can eat right now. Too much crazy shit is running through my head, it's tying up my stomach."

"Here," Havoc said handing the flask back. "Have a little more then you should get some sleep."

"Sounds like a good idea," Edward said taking it once again. He took another drink but didn't hand it back. "I used to carry such guilt over what I did to get Al his body back, using Kimbley the way I did. It's weird, right now, I don't."

"I'm glad you don't," Havoc said. "You're easier to deal with when you're not wallowing in guilt. But knowing you it won't last long," he added with a knowing smirk.

Edward gave his Lieutenant a withering glare but it was all he could manage. He couldn't argue. Havoc was right. He sighed. "Maybe I can finally accept some of the things I've done and what I still need to do. I just won't be very proud of my actions."

"Now if you went on with your life without having any regrets, then you wouldn't be normal," Havoc joked but quickly turned serious. "I know you still feel bad for what you did to Kimbley. I told you before how I felt and I meant it," he continued with a dark look in his eye that surprised Edward. "I'm glad that bastard is gone. I didn't get my revenge after that homunculus tried to kill me. I didn't get to help at all. I was a helpless cripple. Now they're all gone, along with Kimbley who willingly worked with them. He deserved what he got."

Edward didn't look entirely convinced.

"My dad told me something when I left to join the military," Havoc said after they shared a couple more drinks in silence. "There are a lot of people who sacrifice themselves for a noble cause. One day they may benefit from their sacrifice but don't count on it."

"Reminds me of something Izumi told me." Edward said wishing he had a father to give him advice but at least there was Izumi. The last thing he heard from his real father was the story of Xerxes and how he was a Philosopher's Stone. Before that he accused Edward of hiding his mistake when he and his brother burned their home. It was not what he wanted to hear but his father was honest with him as an adult, an equal. How he wished he had grown up normally. He would have enjoyed some fatherly advice coming from someone who stuck around to raise him. He might have actually listened. Well, maybe not. He always did think he knew what was right and was too stubborn to stop and think when he had his mind set on something.

"She sounds like a smart lady, is she single?" Havoc asked breaking apart Edward's thoughts.

"No," Edward laughed glad for the momentary distraction. Izumi would be flattered but Sig… he'd likely crush Havoc if he so much as looked at Izumi wrong.

"Too bad," Havoc said halfheartedly. "Anyways, I know my dad was trying to convince me to stay home; covering his pleading with philosophy. Being a stubborn teenager, I thought I knew it all and ignored him," Havoc sighed. "Oh well, he'll be really happy to know he was right because knowing Mustang, I wouldn't be surprised that when this war is over we'll be thrown into something else."

Edward looked at Havoc curiously; remembering Lin's vague hints what he was to get in return for loaning troops to Amestris to fight the Drachmans. "Do you know something I don't?"

"Just a hunch," Havoc said with a shrug.

"Well, you're hunches are pretty accurate. You're probably right."

"Don't worry about it too much," Havoc said. "We have to focus on where we're at first."

"Yeah," Edward agreed.

Havoc yawned. "I'm beat," he said getting up to leave. "Goodnight, Ed."

"Wait," Edward said stopping Havoc. "I purposely ignore the newspapers and I was just thinking of something Lin said tonight. What is Mustang saying about me? He let it slip that I'm important to this country."

"He's only saying what you'd think he'd say; that you're the hero of the people. That's the alchemists' motto, right?"

"Yes," Edward said thoughtfully.

"He's doing it with the others as well," Havoc added seeing something he didn't like with Edward's face drawn in concentration.

"But more so with me," Edward whispered. It wasn't a question that needed answering.

Havoc nodded. "You are the Fullmetal Alchemist, certified at the age of twelve. Someone who devoted themselves to their country when they were that young must be extremely loyal to Amestris. The fact you lost your limbs in the "rebellion" and yet you still pledged your allegiance..."

"Okay, I get it," Edward said cutting him off, not wanting to hear any more. His initial reason for becoming a State Alchemist and leaving to fight the Drachmans was not for love of country. Of course that was his reason now but that didn't make up for his selfishness in the beginning in his opinion. He sighed tiredly. Then a small, sinister smile began to tug at the corners of his lips.

Havoc saw the shift in Edward's mood. He had the feeling he should be wary with Edward like this.

"After I told Lin everything he said it would make a great novel. He's right. It's all there. Adventure, intrigue... heroes and villains…"

"What are you getting at?" Havoc asked suspiciously.

"I'm being painted as a hero, right? But what hero performs an illegal transmutation then uses the State in order to fix that mistake? What hero uses another human being, no matter how psychotic he was, to get his brother's body back when he didn't need that sacrifice? What hero shoots a Drachman prisoner in the back, knowing he would have been brought to justice eventually? What hero buries people alive when he could have easily subdued them without killing them?"

"You can go ahead and feel guilty about losing your arm and leg then using Kimbley as a sacrifice," Havoc said, irritated that Edward would not let his guilt go. "The rest doesn't matter. We've been wronged by the Drachmans. They invaded; they're the villains. You're a hero if everything you do during the war was to fight the Drachmans for the people of Amestris."

"But technically we instigated this war," Edward pointed out. "Kimbley was working with the homunculi who were running the military. They told him; actually they told him to order me to destroy Briggs. When I wouldn't he tried by using Drachma. They had every right to be upset over that."

"But they didn't have to invade," Havoc countered. "If they weren't so greedy to try and take advantage of us when we were weakened, we could have arrested a couple of Bradley's Generals to hand over to them. I really don't know what you're getting at but honestly I don't want Drachma here anymore. I'd prefer my family to live peacefully without those war mongering bastards coming in and destroying their way of life. Is that what you want?"

"No!" Edward insisted, thinking of Al, Pinako, Winry and Izumi.

"Then please tell me what your point is?" Havoc asked exasperated. It felt like he was always trying to choke out answers from Edward.

"I don't feel like a hero. What if we end up losing? To the Drachmans we end up the villains."

"Then we have to make sure we win."

"And when we do; when this is all over I'll return to the people of Amestris' adulation and medals of glory."

"Yes."

"Yet it wouldn't have been earned the right way."

"You don't give yourself enough credit."

"I'm given too much. I'm tired of Mustang always pulling my strings, now he's manipulating the people to believe in something that is not true about me."

"Is this fear of failure; that Mustang has pumped you up to be more than you feel you can be or do you genuinely think you don't deserve it?"

Edward hadn't given much thought to failing; he never considered failing at anything. He always knew he'd get Al's body back. He'd accomplished whatever had been thrown at him during the war. But he didn't like living up to other people's expectations of him. He wanted to set things for himself to live up too. He had his own standards. Of course they changed out of necessity from when he was a naïve kid, trying to right his wrong by doing it the right way. He discovered that didn't always work. You had to get your hands dirty… and your soul. He chose the hard way to set things right for the country now with the Drachman invasion. The results may be noble but the act to get those results was not. He did not want to be honored for any of it. _Besides, I'm not the only one fighting out there risking my life. Why do I have to be the figurehead?_

Havoc sighed in defeat, too tired to argue anymore when he didn't get an answer. Edward was always stubborn about what he believed in. It would take a lot to make him change his mind. He hoped that one day Edward would be able to see himself the way others saw him; a loyal, caring person who would never abandon anyone who needed help.

"I don't know what you can do about it now," Havoc said wearily, opening the tent flap to leave. "People believe what they want to. They've been fed this idea you're a hero. It'll take a lot to change that."

"Fine, I'll be their hero then," Edward said with a dark glint. "I'll just keep doing what I've been doing. Nothing will change."

Havoc studied Edward but he couldn't get a read what the younger man was thinking as he usually could. He hoped this was a one time thing. He didn't want to have to go through the rest of the war unable to predict and if necessary intervene before Edward did something foolish. He had hoped he wouldn't have to anymore. But Edward just sat there, deep in thought; cool, calculating. It unnerved Havoc more than anything. Edward was usually like this on the battlefield, he was a little too much like Mustang at the moment.

"No hero is perfect," Edward finally said before Havoc left. "Goodnight, Jean." He dismissed before the Lieutenant could question him what he meant.

Havoc knew if he pressed he wouldn't get an answer. _But an answer to what?_ Havoc wondered as he walked back to his tent. _My suspicions which have complete merit when dealing with this kid._


	69. Chapter 69

Edward carefully dragged himself along the ground trying not to disturb the bushes. Fortunately there was a light breeze so any rustling would not seem out of the ordinary. He kept low, thinking wryly to himself: _If only Amestris could see their great hero now, dragging himself through the mud. I don't look very heroic, just dirty and sneaky._ It had rained the night before but it proved to work in their favor. The mud made for excellent camouflage.

He was used to bombardments and running out amidst shells dropping everywhere and bullets whizzing past his ears. The quiet morning and the faint rustle of leaves and branches from his hundred men spread out to his left and right was odd. To have such peace yet know that at any moment it could be disrupted by gunfire and men dying. Hopefully, if all went according to plan that could be avoided.

Two days ago, Lin's scouts reported a company of Drachmans fifteen miles from their position. It was only a hundred men but it was a hundred men that could give away Edward's battalion location. With some quick planning with Lin and Havoc, Edward set off with two of his own companies and fifty of Lin's warriors. When they were within two miles of the Drachmans, Edward left one company behind and moved on with the other, Lin sending off twenty warriors to handle the picket line. Drachmans could be sneaky bastards but Lin's fighters had finesse and Edward was impressed to see them at work. He watched from a distance through binoculars as they took out the Drachman guards on duty without a sound. Then it was their turn. Moving out with a hundred men to cover the distance was not necessarily a quiet operation but these men had experience and Edward trained them hard over the winter.

He was trying to be discreet as he moved forward and looked down from the ridge he was on. Below him was the Drachman encampment. Ran Fan was to his left and Havoc to his right. He reached out carefully and tapped Ran Fan on the shoulder. A soft twittering whistle was heard from his left. He didn't have to be discreet anymore when he heard the answering bird call, a signal that everyone was in place. Clapping his hands together he set them on the ground in front of him. Focusing all his energy the blue light circled to his left and right along the ridge, then down it surrounding the Drachmans below. They noticed the freakish blue light surround them and stopped whatever is was they were doing to watch it in apprehension.

Then the ground began to rumble, some Drachmans lost their footing, others yelled out when they saw the wall of dirt surrounding them. They grouped together away from the oncoming wall but had nowhere to go with the ridge at their backs. Some attempted to climb up but the steep wall was too slippery from the night rains. But suddenly the wall stopped, neatly encasing them in a huge crater that could easily become their graves if they didn't surrender.

Edward stood up and looked down at the Drachmans.

"If you would be so kind as to surrender, we can end this quietly without killing anyone."

Several guns turned to point at Edward but he stood his ground, tall and confident, with no fear for his life as his own men came out of hiding and pointed their rifles down at the Drachmans. Several of Lin's warriors jumped down into the crater, putting knives to officer's throats.

Drachmans hated to give up but at some point they would do so, especially if there was no way out of a situation. The Drachman commanding officer swallowed carefully with the knife pressed to his throat held in place by the accurate hand of Ran Fan.

"Lower your weapons," he said quietly, glaring angrily at Edward. Not everyone heard or if they did they hesitated, hardly believing they had been caught so easily and they would be giving up without a fight. "Lower your weapons," he said louder. "We surrender."

"Thank you," Edward said with a satisfied smile, happy this had been done with little loss of life.

"Excellent work," Lin said clapping as he approached Edward who was overseeing the Drachmans disarmed and taken as prisoners of war a few minutes later. "Lucky you had me along."

"I didn't see you wasting your energy transmuting a wall of dirt," Edward said annoyed. "Or wallowing in it," he added when comparing his own uniform with Lin's which was spotless.

"A minor technicality," Lin said indifferent as he shrugged his shoulders. "I am a Prince; I'm not allowed to get dirty."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Well, don't think you get to take credit for this capture. It was my idea."

"And you used my men," Lin reminded him.

"Who are under my command," Edward pointed out haughtily.

"Then allow me to host a celebration for our joint victory!" Lin exclaimed clapping Edward on the shoulder good naturedly.

"After I've called in my report, taking full credit," Edward said with a cheeky grin turning to leave but Lin stopped him with a hand on his arm. "What?"

"Before transferring the prisoners, make them remove their uniforms."

"Why?" Edward asked not too eager to see Drachmans in nothing but their undergarments.

"They may come in handy."

Edward shrugged, not seeing an excuse to argue with Lin who was fully competent and probably have a good reason for the suggestion. Edward turned to a Captain.

"Captain Moxley, have the Drachmans remove their uniforms. They can cover up using their bedrolls from the camp."

"Yes, sir," the Captain said saluting, then turned and started barking orders of his own.

* * *

It was the first joint mission between the Xing and Amestrian troops and it was a success. That night Edward's battalion celebrated along with Lin's.

It was a cool, spring evening as they sat around campfires, singing, drinking and smoking. Edward was sitting with Havoc and Lin around a campfire, trying to show the young Prince how to play cards. When they let Lin loose to play on his own and he lost his first hand, he was punished with a nice big shot of whiskey.

"Ugh!" He said as he spat it out, wiping his chin. "How can you drink that stuff?"

"This is quality alcohol," Havoc said offended as he took the flask back and drank.

"I'll show you quality alcohol," Lin said with a smirk then turned and said something in Xingese to Ran Fan who was never more than three feet away from him. She hesitated but after some reassuring words from Lin she disappeared into the dark. She returned a few minutes later and handed Lin a decorated bottle of blue and green enamel. He uncorked it and handed it to Havoc who sniffed at the bottle.

"It doesn't smell like anything," Havoc noted a little hesitant to drink it.

"Just because it doesn't smell doesn't mean it won't do anything," Lin said with a wicked grin.

"Go on, Jean, try it," Edward pressed.

"Okay, but you're next," Havoc said tilting the bottle back. A cool, sweet liquid slid easily down his throat. He brought the bottle back down and handed it to Edward.

"Oh, shit," Havoc said his eyes unfocused and he laughed as a tingling sensation shot through his body that made him feel like he was floating. He looked up and could almost reach out and touch the stars in the night sky. Then it dispersed and with a shake of his head, he was back on the ground. "Wow! That's pretty good," he said impressed with a lopsided grin. "Your turn, Ed."

Edward then took a drink, eager too see whatever it was that made Havoc sit so still and calm with a goofy grin on his face. He ended up drinking a little more than he should have but the sweet liquor was too good to resist. He was seized with the sudden urge to stare at the fire, like it would reveal a secret to him. It did. It twisted and turned until if formed into a blazing flower that opened to reveal tiny butterflies that flew everywhere. Edward reached out his hand and a butterfly landed softly on the back of his right hand and he reached with his left to touch it.

"Ed," Havoc said laughing waving his hand in front of Edward's face, breaking apart the vision.

"Oh, shit is right," Edward said taking a couple of deep breaths to steady his heart, having never experienced anything like that before. "That can't be legal."

Lin's wicked grin never left his face. "It is in Xing. We've built up a tolerance to its affect so to me it would be like you drinking your whiskey. But for first timers like you, it works like a hallucinogen."

"What do you call it?" Edward asked sniffing at the bottle, tempted to try some more.

"Guo. It's gained some popularity here in Amestris. Before the war that is. There was a pretty good trade going between Xing and some remote military outposts and mines in the southeast corner of Amestris. Aerugo is a big importer of Guo too. Amestrian miners took to calling it Green Fairy. If you drink enough, some say they see a green fairy hovering over, looking down on you."

Havoc grinned. "How much to you have to drink before you see that?" He asked reaching for the bottle to take back from Edward who kept it out of his reach.

"Let's find out," Edward grinned putting the bottle back to his lips.

"Hey, it's my turn," Havoc complained.

"Nope, I need you sober so you can keep an eye on things," Edward said before taking a drink.

"You're getting a little too good at delegating," Havoc said sounding disappointed. "You're just like Mustang."

Edward narrowed his eyes at his Lieutenant and scowled over the comparison as he drank.

"Is he going to be alright?" Havoc asked worriedly an hour later looking at Edward lying on his back, the empty bottle of Guo next to him.

"Yes," Lin reassured. "If he's needed there's an antidote we can give him. It'll sober him up quick."

"Okay," Havoc said not entirely convinced.

"He has a lot on his mind. It's good for him to let loose once in a while, to let him forget, to experience some peace. It's only temporary but as long as he doesn't abuse it, it'll be alright. He holds on to too much guilt for one person. He has his moments when it doesn't bother him but when it does it crashes down hard."

"How do you know so much about him? It's been a couple years since you saw him last."

"I'm very good at reading people," Lin said remembering his dinner with Edward, who left looking thoughtful and had been extremely quiet the rest of the night after they each shared their stories.

"Well, your assessment of Ed is right on target."

"Perhaps we should move him, let him sleep it off in private," Lin said, then turned and said something quietly to Ran Fan. She huffed and looked exasperated as she got up and walked around their camp fire. "Ran Fan will take Ed to his tent. Then we can finish our game. I've finally got the hang of it."

Havoc watched as Ran Fan roughly grabbed Edward by the arm to make him stand up. He did so but slumped on her shoulder and Havoc heard her grunt, then curse as she tried to bear Edward's weight.

Havoc moved to get up and help but felt a hand pulling him back down. "No, it's okay. She's got him."

"Are you sure?" Havoc said watching as Ran Fan led Edward away. "He's heavier than he looks, if he falls she may not get him up again on her own."

Lin just smiled. "Ran Fan is strong, don't underestimate her."

"Anyways," he added when Edward and Ran Fan disappeared into the dark. "She's wanted to talk to him for a while. But too stubborn to do so on her own."

"Why?" Havoc asked.

Lin shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't much of a big deal. "They have something in common."


	70. Chapter 70

He felt like he was floating. Actually, he was. He could see the blazing sun overhead and feel the soft, gentle waves of water rocking him, lulling him to sleep. But he didn't feel the heat of the golden orb over him or the cool water below. He was suspended in perfect calm and peace. The sun was almost too bright yet it didn't bother him to look into it without blinking. He could even see the Green Fairy hovering around fading in and out. Her wings sparkled in the sunlight casting tiny, glittering rainbows everywhere. But he wasn't too concerned with her. It was the soft tune she hummed that he enjoyed. It added to the serenity he felt.

Then the water started moving and waves knocked into him, nearly tipping him underwater. He righted himself and began to tread water. Then he realized how easy it was to do so even with his automail which usually made it more difficult and he had to work harder to keep from being dragged down by the weight of the metal.

The waves continued to crash against him and he started moving. It started out slow then got faster and faster until he was being pulled under into a whirlpool. He fought to stay above water but it was too strong and pulled him down into the suffocating turmoil. He was sucked down further and further, holding his breath until he could do so no longer...

Then he found himself on firm ground, on his knees throwing up. When he was done he looked around and saw he was back in the camp, his tent just off to his right and Ran Fan standing over him.

"What the fuck did you do?" He complained as he stood up, annoyed he was back in reality, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He swayed a bit but stood his ground as everything went back into focus. He knew he had been affected by the drink it was just odd to be so clear headed suddenly, knowing how much he had drunk and how deep in the hallucination he had been in.

"Why did you drink so much Guo?" Ran Fan asked looking at him with a different kind of disappointment from what he felt.

"Because I felt like it," Edward said petulantly digging a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it. Putting the lighter away he checked his pocket watch for the time, using the light from the bright moon overhead. It was only eleven. Edward sighed. He had hoped to slowly come out of the hallucination and fall into a deep sleep. He saw no point returning to play cards with Havoc and Lin; he might as well stay in his tent and go to bed. But he was still disappointed being pulled out of the calming peace he had been enjoying.

"Don't you think that was irresponsible while you're in command?"

Edward had to admit she was right but he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of letting her know he agreed. Especially after whatever it was she did to bring him out of the hallucination. "What did you do to pull me out of the hallucination?" He asked again.

"I gave you an antidote to purge your body of the Guo."

"Thanks," Edward said annoyed heading to his tent for his canteen of water to wash his mouth out. "Next time, don't bother. That was no fun to be yanked out of a dream like that."

"It was fake," Ran Fan said following him inside.

"I know that," Edward said digging in his pack. Finding his canteen he tipped it back and held the water in his mouth, swishing it around. Heading to the tent opening he poked his head out and spit the water outside. Then he took a long drink feeling a sudden thirst grip him. Finishing off the canteen he went to sit down at his table turning up the lantern. He had some unfinished reports. He figured he'd get his paperwork squared away before going to bed. Settling everything in front of him he looked up to see Ran Fan still hovering around.

"I'm okay, you can go now," he told her. _There's always someone watching over me like I need a babysitter_, he thought grumpily.

When she didn't answer or leave he looked at her curiously and noticed her worried frown for the first time and it wasn't because of him. "Hey," he asked gently. "What's wrong?"

Ran Fan looked conflicted; like there was something she wanted to ask but was talking herself out of it. She looked like she did when she started to head for the tent opening but stopped. Edward watched confused, unsure what to say or do. Finally Ran Fan took a deep breath and turned back to face him.

"Do you regret not getting your arm and leg back?"

"Uh, no," Edward said wondering what kind of question that was. He hadn't been expecting it. "Honestly, I never really thought about it."

"You don't?" She asked looking at him with pained filled eyes. Or was it guilt. Edward couldn't tell but thought it could be both.

"No," he said. "I was too consumed with the feeling I didn't deserve them."

"Am I a horrible person for wishing I hadn't cut off my own arm?"

Now that question really surprised him coming from the ever loyal Ran Fan. She was still human though. "No. Someone once told me its okay to worry about yourself once in a while." _Thank you Izumi!_

"But I'm not supposed to," Ran Fan said starting to pace now. "I'm supposed to do whatever it takes to protect young Master, even if it means my own life. After the automail surgery I began to have these thoughts... thoughts I shouldn't be having."

"It happens," Edward said trying to reassure her. "It's just the fever and the pain. It gets to be too much and..."

"But did you have regrets or ever hate someone for the pain you were going through?"

"No," Edward said quietly. He knew he couldn't lie. Ran Fan would be able to see through it. He could tell she needed some kind of reassurance. He wasn't sure exactly what kind but lying would not help.

"I did and it scared me," Ran Fan explained looking tortured. "I thought I was being disloyal and I tried not to think like that but I couldn't stop. I began to hate young Master for his dream of immortality. At first I was happy when he found it but it was just false and now he's just the same as he was before. We're back at the beginning and I'm missing an arm for nothing. Now young Master is betrothed and ah! I'm just so stupid and disloyal," Ran Fan exclaimed sitting heavily down on Edward's cot, covering her face with her hands.

Edward sat in silence too shocked and afraid of Ran Fan at the moment to say anything. He'd never seen her like this but he thought if he's entitled to a meltdown every once in a while so is everyone else. But it shed a whole new light on things. Slowly he stood up and approached Ran Fan, sitting next to her.

"Are you in love with Lin?" He asked, embarrassed by the question.

"No," she muttered then sighed. "Maybe," she added stubbornly.

"Have you told him?"

"What's the point? Nothing can be done about it," she said miserably.

"But if you told him..."

"I told you nothing can be done," Ran Fan said patiently, sighing again as she lifted her head from her hands. "Xing is very different from Amestris. Young Master is a Prince, I'm a servant. There is a line that can not be crossed."

"But if he becomes Emperor..." Edward insisted.

Ran Fan laughed. "You don't listen, do you? Even if he were and he changed our whole way of living it still wouldn't matter. I told you, he's betrothed."

"Oh, yeah," Edward said sheepishly. He did hear but he didn't know what to make of that but a distressed Ran Fan who was now starting to cry was his top priority. "He didn't say anything about that."

"It hasn't been announced yet in Xing."

"Well, if it hasn't been announced he can still call it off."

Ran Fan laughed again. "You're so naive."

"Hey!" Edward said offended. "I'm just trying to offer encouragement so you'll stop crying."

Ran Fan couldn't help but laugh again. "I know and thank you," she said wiping her tears away.

"So enlighten me with the Xing culture; why can't it be called off?"

"He promised the elder of the Chan clan he would marry his niece to align the two clans together. The Chan clan is poor but they are an ancient family who still have strong warriors and skilled alchemists. Uniting the two will make it difficult for the other clans to try and make a claim on the throne. They will not be too eager to make alliances with each other, they're too greedy. Plus, they'll be too scared now that the Yao clan is friends with the Amestrian Fuhrer. When this war is over the other clans will not be able to get support from any of the other countries. If Drachma loses they will be useless and Aerugo is still licking its wounds, they will not be eager to offer any troops. Some of the other weaker clans will likely side with the Yao's and Chan's, seeing that doing so will improve their situation like the Chan's."

"Shit," Edward said his head spinning with all this information. But at least he now knew how Lin would get to be Emperor in return for helping Amestris fight the Drachmans; Amestrian support, likely in the form or soldiers. Havoc was right. "Just give me a troop of Drachmans to take out. All this political wrangling is not for me," Edward said not wanting to dwell on the fact he'd likely be involved somehow.

"Or me," Ran Fan said sadly. "It's hard to always be near him and not be able to say how I really feel."

Edward wished he knew what to say to that. He couldn't relate. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Edward figured it was a good time to change the subject, hoping to improve Ran Fan's mood.

"So did you end up going to Winry or Pinako for automail?"

"No," Ran Fan said shaking her head. "I went to Rush Valley but I still didn't want to get Winry involved just to be safe. I was recommended to a mechanic in the hills, far out of Rush Valley."

"Wait a minute!" Edward cried grabbing a hold of Ran Fan's left arm and pulling up the sleeve to inspect her automail. He looked it over and saw just below her thumb the letter 'D' engraved in the metal. "Dominic made this?"

"Yeah, why? You know him?"

"That shithead!" Edward said angrily. "He made you automail but he refused to make me any. What an asshole! Maybe if I was a girl he would have... the perv."

"Hey!" Ran Fan said coming to Dominic's defense. "Maybe if you weren't so bad tempered he would have made you automail. Besides, you have a mechanic already. Winry does good work; a lot of people in Rush Valley praised her."

Edward smiled in agreement. "She does," he said proudly flexing his new arm. "I can't complain. This is the best one I've had."

Ran Fan smiled but it faded quickly. "I wish I could be that enthusiastic about my arm."

Edward could see the tears coming again. "Please, don't cry," he begged.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her face furiously but it didn't seem to help as more spilled. "I hate being this pathetic."

"Have you been keeping all this in, since you lost your arm?"

Ran Fan nodded. Taking a page from the book of Izumi he put his arm around Ran Fan and let her cry into his shoulder. He wasn't too thrilled he was the one she picked to confess to but he understood that it was good to get your feelings out in the open. He relaxed when her crying eased but several minutes later she was unusually still. He looked down and saw she had fallen asleep. He realized just how exhausted he was too. He didn't know comforting another person could be this tiring. Now he really felt sorry for Izumi because he was sure he gave her a harder time than Ran Fan gave him.

Not wanting to wake Ran Fan he gently guided her down onto his cot. Standing, he put her legs up then pulled his overcoat from his pack and spread it out on the ground. Turning the lantern light low he went back to settle down on his makeshift bed. He twisted and turned, trying to get comfortable on the hard ground. Just as he found a spot that was reasonably acceptable he froze, staring at the point of a knife.

"Don't you dare tell anyone what I said tonight," Ran Fan hissed dangerously, holding the knife steady.

"I won't," Edward promised trying not to smile. He knew he wouldn't, Ran Fan didn't have to be paranoid about him blabbing but he didn't blame her for making sure. Nobody likes to appear weak in front of others.

She withdrew the knife and turned around, settling in to sleep for the night. Edward sighed seeing he was going to be stuck on the ground. He got the sense that even though Ran Fan had gotten a lot off her chest, she needed companionship. Especially with someone who had a shared experience, even if their reactions were different. Edward understood. It was the same way he felt whenever he returned to his troop. It was comforting to be near people who knew what you were going through and who could understand you better. He rolled over, resting his head on his arm and fell asleep.


	71. Chapter 71

When he woke the next morning, Ran Fan was gone. That was alright with Edward. The night was awkward enough; he didn't want to have to talk about it anymore. But he hoped she'd be okay. But he didn't have much of a chance to see that she was. The battalion was ordered to move out quickly. The company of Drachmans they had taken as prisoners came from somewhere and Brigadier General Locke wanted to take out their base, which they found to be at the opening of a mountain pass that led to the town of Plattsburgh. It was far out to the east of North City and still occupied by Drachmans.

The Drachmans had been busy over the last two years as they occupied much of northern Amestris. It was obvious that amongst the Xing mercenaries, some were alchemists. They had reinforced the pass with a stone fort that had not been there before and sat high over the first rocky outcrops of the mountains. It overlooked the valley before it, with heavy artillery at the ready.

They were about two miles away from the fort, along the edge of a small, flat valley - with its fresh spring grass and purple and pink flowers blowing in the cool early morning breeze – that offered a perfect, unobstructed view from their position. Edward, staying hidden behind some trees of the wooded area that led out into the valley - with binoculars almost permanently glued to his eyes - was trying to work how they could take the fort. He knew he'd need artillery but from his viewpoint the Drachmans would be able to outlast a heavy bombardment for several weeks. If the Xing alchemists they had recruited were near, they would be able to make repairs. But there was still a problem. He didn't have artillery.

"Can you shake em up some?" Havoc asked looking out across the valley with binoculars too. "We can get you close enough to bring down a couple of walls."

"And have the whole thing fall on top of him," Lin argued.

"From here it would just feel like a tremor to them," Edward added still peering through the binoculars.

"We can get in close enough for you to do some damage," Havoc suggested.

"But if they have Xing alchemists in there, the walls may be made of more than just the mountain. I won't be able to do much damage. Damn, I wish we had some artillery."

"You Amestrians depend too much on the big guns," Lin complained. "There are other ways to fight other than huge explosions and charging in blindly."

"If you're so willing to criticize, then that must mean you have an idea. Skip the criticism and tell us what you've got." Edward said bringing the binoculars down and turning to face Lin.

"We infiltrate."

"How?" Havoc asked sounding interested as he lowered his binoculars and turned around.

"We get someone inside, wait, let me finish," Lin said seeing Edward ready to protest. "We give them a prisoner."

"Drachmans don't take prisoners," Havoc pointed out.

"They'll take the one we'll offer."

"Which one?" Edward asked confused.

"Have you forgotten the price on your head?" Lin asked looking Edward straight in the eye.

Edward felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. All the air was sucked out of his lungs and he was seized with dread. All the color drained from his face and he could only stare at Lin. But he wasn't seeing Lin. He was seeing three Drachmans holding him down then roughly picking him up and using him for cover as they made their way through the streets of North City. The pain he felt after that ordeal was fresh in his mind… he didn't want to go through that again. He felt no fear then but he did now as he tried to remind himself how to breathe normally, hoping Lin or Havoc didn't see how scared he was.

"No!" Havoc said violently opposed. "I won't let you do that to him."

"It's his decision," Lin defended, still looking at Edward. "I won't be making him do anything. He has the final say."

"Ed, don't listen to this," Havoc said, worry and fear reflected in his eyes, hoping Edward wouldn't go along with it.

"Let's hear the rest first," Edward said swallowing his fear down as he reclaimed his senses.

"He won't be going in alone," Lin continued. "The Drachmans are working with Xing mercenaries. Ran Fan and I will pose as mercenaries and take him in for the reward. Once we're inside we'll take two days to establish the layout of the fort. Once that is done we'll get Ed, and then a scheduled attack can start on the fort as a diversion. While the Drachmans are distracted we'll bring Ed to the best spot where he can create an opening in the wall, he'll be close enough to determine what the walls have been reinforced with. Then we'll bring in a company of men who can attack from the inside, wearing those Drachman uniforms I suggested we hold onto. The infiltrating force will take control of the guns and open the main gate for everyone on the outside attack. Ed can barricade the company from the Drachmans. Once we have enough men enter the fort from the diversionary attack, he'll drop the barricade and round up the Drachmans."

"We don't have enough men," Havoc said. "It's a small fort but they'll have at least a thousand."

"We have enough," Lin reassured.

"Yeah, then what about beyond the pass in Plattsburgh? How many men do you think are stationed there? The fort can call for backup."

"By the time backup arrives the fort should be in our hands. We'll turn the guns around to fire upon them."

"I can make a request for backup as well," Edward added quietly. "We should have guns for the diversionary attack."

"Ed, don't," Havoc begged seeing him ready to go along with Lin's plan. "Make the request for backup and artillery, then wait to take the fort. Don't give yourself to those bastards."

"You'll lose more men that way," Lin pointed out.

Havoc looked like he was ready to slit Lin's throat. He flinched, like he was ready to hit Lin but Edward put a hand on his arm to calm him. "We'll go with Lin's plan," then got up to leave the other two men.

When he was out of ear shot Havoc turned on Lin, blue eyes flashing with anger, "Why did you say that?"

"It's a good plan, it'll work," Lin said calmly, no emotion reflected anywhere, not even his dark eyes. Havoc wanted to follow through with his initial reaction of punching him in the face but restrained himself for Edward.

"That's not why you said that. I know it's a good plan; would have been better if Ed didn't have to be involved like that. But you said that to get him completely on your side. You're like Mustang, using his weakness against him."

"Is it really a weakness? I think of it as his greatest strength." Lin said with a touch of anger, now showing some emotion.

"He's done enough sacrificing."

"No, he hasn't and neither have we. This war is not over yet."

"What are you trying to do? Hurry our war up so you can go back to Xing to claim your throne?" Havoc accused. "You're just using Ed to get what you want quicker."

"I'm not using him," Lin reassured, hoping the Lieutenant wouldn't end up talking Edward out of the plan. "He won't be alone and the Drachmans won't kill him. The price is too high for them to ignore."

"I swear if something happens to him you'll never become Emperor."

"I promise nothing will happen to him. Ed's fate will be mine as well."

Havoc stood up disgustedly and left Lin in search of Edward. The plan made too much sense and would likely work, especially with Edward, Lin and Ran Fan inside the fort. He hated Lin but knew he was right. A bombardment on the fort could take weeks when backup arrived. An attack too would take the lives of more men. The best way was to infiltrate the fort. But he was scared for Edward and knew he was just as frightened. Havoc saw the look on Edward's face when Lin suggested he give himself up to get inside the fort. He looked just as he did when he stepped off the train in North City over two years ago and heard the guns for the first time; a pale, frightened boy who had no business going to war.

When Havoc found Edward he was briefing command of their plan and making a request for backup and artillery. When he got off the line he turned and saw Havoc. Hoping to avoid any further words with the Lieutenant he walked the other way. He didn't want to be talked out of the plan; he'd made his decision.

"Ed, please don't ignore me," Havoc said as he jogged to catch up with Edward.

He stopped and sighed. "Then don't try and talk me out of this."

"Did you tell command that you were going to give yourself up to the Drachmans to get inside?"

"No."

"Why?"

Edward finally turned to face Havoc. "You know why. They wouldn't let me. Lin is right, this way we'll save more lives."

"But what about yours?"

"My life is no greater than anyone else's."

"But we're all in this together. We all know the risks. It goes along with this uniform."

Edward looked conflicted. He knew what Havoc said was true. But he couldn't help but want to do more that could spare so many lives in the end.

"It's okay," Edward insisted. "This will work."

"We can do this another way. We'll use a diversionary attack and take a company around the right flank of the fort. We'll use the Drachman uniforms and you can make an opening from the outside."

"But into what? We don't know the layout of the fort."

"Then just use Lin and Ran Fan to go in and scout the place."

"I can't ask them to do something I wouldn't do myself."

"Ed," Havoc pleaded. "The Drachmans are not going to go easy on you. They won't kill you but they can do a lot of damage."

"I know," Edward whispered, then steadying himself. "I've been through worse and this won't be the last battle."

"That's just it!" Havoc exclaimed, and then lowered his voice so he wasn't overheard. "We've been through a lot together over the last two years. Even before this damn war. Your luck will not last forever. I know you've got a brother already but I don't and I think of you as one. Do you know how hard it's going to be knowing you're in there alone with those bastards? I don't want to face what I did in North City when I pulled you out of that water line."

"I'm sorry, Jean," Edward said looking at him sadly. "But I'm going to do this. Will you lead the company into the fort?"

Havoc closed his eyes and nodded in defeat. Looking at Edward he smiled dejectedly. "You know I will."


	72. Chapter 72

Brigadier General Locke promised a brigade of two thousand men to support the attack on the fort, along with three artillery units. Edward wasn't expecting that much support but was ready to take it. He kind of suspected that whatever plan he came up with, the Brigadier General would always approve and support. The word was when the brigade arrived and found no Lieutenant Colonel; Captain Moxley was to explain how Edward went along with the infiltrating company, leaving the Captain in charge temporarily of the remaining battalion who would then relinquish command to the brigade commander.

When he got confirmation the brigade would be in position in two days Edward set out with Lin and Ran Fan. He almost couldn't face Havoc but his Lieutenant had his usually calm mask on which made it easier.

"See you in two days, Ed," Havoc said through a cloud of cigarette smoke.

"Yeah, you take care. Make sure you're not spotted as you move into position," he cautioned, the officer in him fearing for the men under his command more than he did for himself at the moment.

"Please, we'll have Fu's men with us to keep an eye out and I'm no rookie when it comes to wearing a Drachman uniform. If we're seen we'll just look like one of their own."

"Right," Edward said feeling nervous, hoping it wasn't too obvious. Havoc's confidence helped him some but it only eased his worries for the company that would be sneaking into the fort. His stomach began to twist into knots when he began to think about what he'd have to endure inside the fort for two days. He didn't voice his concern that perhaps he'd be moved out right away and taken straight to the Drachman capital without having a chance to do anything at all. He'd work that out with Lin and Ran Fan on their way to the fort. But he knew Havoc was no idiot and probably had the same fears.

Havoc saluted his mask nearly cracking. Edward saw the flash of worry reflected in his Lieutenant's eyes as he returned the salute, trying to keep from shaking. Turning he began the trek with Lin and Ran Fan around the valley, not looking back, moving quickly to disappear within the trees.

They walked in silence through the forest along the rim of the valley. Edward wished he could fast forward through time so he could be done with the whole ordeal. He tried not to focus on his fear and nervousness but was finding it hard to find something else to think about.

When they could see the fort through the dress across the way Lin stopped them. The three of them stood silently for a full minute just staring straight ahead. Finally Edward broke the silence.

"Well this is it," he said more to himself as a way to prepare and calm his nerves.

"It is," Lin agreed.

"Just make sure they don't try to transfer me right away."

"I've got that worked out."

"Okay," Edward said taking a deep breath, not bothering to question how Lin would manage it. If they were going to get through this successfully he knew he had to put his trust in Lin.

"It wouldn't be an easy thing to capture the famous Fullmetal Alchemist," Lin said turning to face Edward.

"I would hope not," Edward said closing his eyes, not sure what was coming but knowing something was. His left eye erupted in pain and he fell to the ground.

"Ah, fuck," he said as he touched his eye and saw blood on his fingertips. "If my eye swells shut I'm going to end up with a blind spot."

"You're right, I should have hit you in the mouth to shut you up," Lin said pulling his fist back to hit Edward again.

Edward tried not to think of the new eruption of pain as he rolled over onto his hands and knees, spitting blood from his mouth. "Damn, I lost another tooth," he said irritably probing the empty spot with his tongue. "I know who I'm sending my dental bill to."

"We'll take care of everything," Lin said. "Sorry for this, Ed," he added as he kicked Edward in the stomach.

Edward fell to his right, clutching his middle as he then rolled onto his back. "If you're so sorry, why do you hit like you're enjoying this," he complained then was immediately pounced on by Ran Fan. Edward saw the flash of a knife and heard her tearing away at the sleeve of his uniform.

"Wait," he said panicked when he realized she was going for his right arm. "No! Don't leave me defenseless in there!" He cried out as he struggled to push Ran Fan off. He felt another pair of hands holding him down then his mouth was covered.

"Shhh, Ed, its okay," Lin soothed as he appeared over Edward, trying to reassure him. "It's more convincing this way. The Drachmans will end up taking your arm anyways."

Edward stopped struggling but Lin could still sense the panic in him and waited before removing his hand.

"Shit! What the fuck was I thinking?" Edward gasped as Ran Fan removed his arm, feeling the sting of tears that he desperately held back. When Ran Fan got up with his arm in hand, Lin let him go and he sat up putting his back to them resting his forehead on his knees. He sat that way for a moment, collecting himself, trying to steady his wildly beating heart and to quell the panic and fear that flooded over him.

_Come on! Don't be such a wimp! You've been through worse!_ He tried to tell himself.

_Oh, fuck you! How am I supposed to be calm? I know what those bastards are like._

_You're the Fullmetal Alchemist! Don't let them see how scared you are!_

_Alright! Alright! I won't! But it won't be easy._

_Nothing is ever easy._

"Drink this," Lin instructed, handing a small leather water bag to Edward, interrupting his thoughts.

"What is it?" He said looking up at Lin suspiciously.

"Guo."

"No," he said turning away. "I want to keep my senses."

"Do you really think a Xing mercenary would take chances with a sane Fullmetal Alchemist? You may be incapacitated without your arm but your reputation is too great. They would take every precaution to keep you from getting away. It's just enough to keep you hallucinating for three hours."

Edward hesitated then finally reached out for the water bag. "Maybe it is better that way," he said. The sweet alcohol worked immediately. His aches and pains were quickly forgotten along with his fear as he slumped forward.

Ran Fan and Lin pulled black hoods over their heads and covered half their face with a dark cloth. Together they picked Edward up and headed for the fort.

Edward was still vaguely aware of what was going on when they were intercepted by Drachmans outside the gate. He drank enough of the Guo so that he felt like he was swimming in a haze of fog. No hallucinations came this time; his mind was not so willing or susceptible to it. But the drink did numb him enough to not worry about a thing. He watched curiously the blurred images and heard voices but could not understand them; he didn't really want to understand them and didn't bother to try. The voices grew louder and he felt himself tugged back and forth. He just went along for the ride.

Lin pulled Edward close and held a knife to his throat. "If you do not let me see your commanding officer, I'll kill him now and not allow you the satisfaction of seeing him humiliated in Drachma."

The price on Edward's head was known far and wide within occupied Amestris. Any Drachman soldier with sense fantasized being the one to bring in the Fullmetal Alchemist and living in luxury for the rest of their lives. But it wasn't just for the money. The glory of being the one to bring in such a difficult target was enough for them. Their name would be remembered forever in Drachman history.

The three guards at the entrance of the fort had hoped to bully these Xing mercenaries - who had literally dropped a winning hand in their laps - into leaving the Fullmetal Alchemist with them. But they could see that they would not be able to share in the victory of bringing in their most hated enemy. Still, why allow these killers for hire to get all the money. A Drachman could still partake.

"Follow me," one of the guards grumbled - a Sergeant with a badly scared face – as he turned, indicating they should follow.

Ran Fan and Lin, who still kept a tight hold on Edward, skirted around the other two guards, then followed their guide inside the fort. Ran Fan kept an ever vigilant eye on the two Drachmans they left behind.

When they entered through the broad double doors Lin's eyes went everywhere at once, taking in his surroundings, memorizing the courtyard he could see just ahead of him out of the tunnel entrance.

He began to grow nervous as he swept through the area when they emerged into the courtyard. From the inside the fort was massive with huge walls surrounding them from their front, right and back that then joined to rough quarters carved into the mountain on their left. On the outside, the structure was the same brown and tan of the mountain, giving it the appearance of shale. On the inside it was dark gray like granite and showed signs of being fortified with something else. Lin hoped it wouldn't take Edward long to figure out what had been used to strengthen the inside of the structure.

The outer walls that faced the valley and the forest were thick, about twenty yards wide and three stories tall. The one to his right housed artillery. Lots of artillery. The lower levels had ports that were covered and from the outside had looked just like part of the fort walls. They had been able to spot the guns on the top of the walls which were a lot smaller compared to the ones on the second and third levels.

At the ground level there was a pulley system in place to transfer supplies to the upper levels through trapdoors. There was a larger, wood trap door in the ground not far off that likely led to the ammunition magazine that was underground. Taking a quick glance backward he saw that the wall behind them was similarly designed with the same network of pulleys and carriages to lift ammunition to the artillery. The ground level held ammunition supplies as well along with a guard house next to the entrance in the middle of the wall.

The wall directly in front of him had doors all along the ground level and windows running along the second and third. It looked like sleeping quarters for the enlisted men. Over the walls the tips of tall forest trees could be seen. It was the forest where Havoc and his company would come from. He saw real Xing mercenaries coming in and out, pleased that it would be easy to get in there and to be able to move within the fort without too much trouble.

He noted the guards stalking back and forth at intervals along the parapets of the walls. Machine guns were mounted on the top wall in between artillery and spaces for snipers to station themselves. The parapet facing the forest was similar with just the sniper openings, though the trees would end up blocking much of their fire.

He also spotted transmutation circles - the style similar to Xing alchemy - in strategic spots around the fort. There were twice as many drawn along the walls that housed the artillery and Xing alchemist stood on standby.

The Xing mercenaries were dressed similarly as Lin and Ran Fan. Black, loose clothing with hoods pulled over their heads and their faces covered, either with black clothes like Lin and Ran Fan or cracked masks, to denote their separation from different Xing clans. Some wore sashes with braided gold and silk, while others wore straight black with no ornamentation.

Lin noted these things quickly as they were led diagonally toward their left; glad that Edward was too drugged up to see everything. He was beginning to think they bit off more than they could chew. But there was no going back. He would see to it that they succeeded and that he didn't just hand over his good friend to their enemy. He glanced quickly at Ran Fan to see if she looked as worried as him but her eyes betrayed nothing as she continued her watch for any kind of ambush upon them.

Drachman soldiers went about their business. Some stopped to watch the unusual site of a one armed Amestrian prisoner being brought in alive, then figured he was there for interrogation and continued on their way. But word was beginning to spread like wildfire, started by the two guards left outside that the Fullmetal Alchemist had been captured. Many who had ignored the unusual trio stopped and backtracked to watch them as they made their way across the courtyard.

Lin thought they'd never get to the commanding officer. The fort was huge, much larger than it had appeared. The courtyard was big enough to fit two parade fields into it. By the time they reached a door carved into the mountain they had a trail of officers and enlisted men gathered around who had to stay outside as they went through and entered a long corridor of administrative offices. Lin was grateful their Drachman followers had stayed outside. They were getting too close and it was making him nervous.

The Drachman guard they had been following led them to the right of the corridor then stopped after passing three doors on their left. Colonel Ragar was printed on a gold plate embedded in the wood door. The guard opened the door and motioned Lin and Ran Fan to follow.

Inside was a desk with a Lieutenant sitting there shuffling paperwork around. He looked up and saw the guard. Glancing quickly over Lin, Ran Fan and a barely conscious Edward he didn't have to ask any questions and stood up going to the office door to his left. He knocked sharply, waited for a barked 'Come in' and entered, closing the door behind him. He wasn't in there long when a large man - too large for his uniform with buttons barely holding together - came out wearing the insignia of a Colonel. He strode over, ignoring everyone else in the room, his attention completely focused on Edward as he planted himself firmly before them. He reached out, grabbing Edward by the chin, turning his head to examine him from each side.

"Not very impressive," he grunted looking upon Edward with disgust releasing him so his head lulled to the side. "So this is the famous Fullmetal Alchemist. Hard to believe a mere child is able to do so much damage."

"We would like our reward as soon as possible," Lin said speaking up.

"Sure," the Colonel said. "You can accompany him to Drachma."

"No. I want the reward brought here."

"You don't trust us?" The Colonel asked sounding offended but not looking like it.

"No."

The Colonel smiled evilly. "Smart man. Do you have any other requests?" He asked being patronizing.

"I do. I don't want Drachman currency. I'd rather have the reward in Drachman guns."

The Colonel's eyes narrowed. "That will take time to authorize."

"I want them immediately. Neither of us have time."

"Who are you to tell me...?"

"I only say it because he's been poisoned," Lin interrupted quickly.

The Colonel hissed angrily. "Why the hell did you...?"

"It was a precaution. With such a price on his head it would be very easy for you to just take him from us."

"So why bother to bring him in?" Ragar questioned dangerously.

"Because I need the guns. The Fao clan is working with the Amestrians. I have an urgent request for guns to fill in Xing for an opposing clan who want to strike while the main force of Fao warriors is out of the country."

"That's your problem, not mine."

"It will be if I don't get those guns in two days and you try to sneak him away to Drachma. He will die before he even gets there and you will be blamed."

"Is there an antidote?"

"Yes. But we do not carry it. An associate of mine, hiding in the forest has it. If something happens to us before we get the guns he will leave with the antidote and this," Lin said indicating Edward with a little shove forward, "will die in two days."

The Colonel stalked back and forth in front of them, brooding, thinking what to do. Lin held his breath in anticipation.

Finally, Ragar stopped pacing. "Alright. We cannot spare the guns we have here and there wouldn't be enough to match the reward. I'll get authorization for Plattsburgh to bring in what they can and find another supply if necessary."

"Excellent, Colonel. But remember, you only have two days."

"I don't need to be reminded," Ragar said dangerously.

"Also, we'll need transportation for the guns to our borders."

"Fine," Ragar barked. "You Xing mercenaries are all the same; always full of demands."

"Now, now," Lin chided. "We've worked so well together against the Amestrians. Consider this as collaboration."

The Colonel looked upon Lin with blazing eyes. "Sergeant!" He barked to the Drachman guard. "Take this trash," he said indicating Edward, "to the stockade."

"Yes, sir," the Sergeant saluting as he came forward to take Edward from Lin who resisted.

"If you don't mind, Colonel, I'd like to keep him under my personal supervision."

"Sergeant," Ragar huffed. "Lead them to the stockade. They can stand guard all they want."

"You're very kind, Colonel," Lin said sarcastically. Then taking Edward's automail from Ran Fan he tossed it to Ragar who barely held onto it. "A small token of our appreciation. Think of it as a souvenir."

Ragar got a better grip on the arm and examined it. Then - surprisingly quick for a man his size - he swung the arm up then brought it crashing down on Edward's head and he fell to the floor unconscious. The Colonel brought the arm up again and let it come down along Edward's back a couple of times. When he was done he leaned over and spit on Edward then took a step back wiping his mouth. Breathing heavily through his nose like a wild bull he squatted next to Edward and grabbed his hair lifting his head up.

"That's what you get for burying my brother's men alive. There is no honor in a death like that," he growled smashing Edward's face into the floor. Lin tried to keep from flinching as he heard the sound of Edward's nose breaking. A pool of blood immediately formed on the floor, soaking the side of his face.

"Take this piece of shit out of here." Ragar ordered as he stood up.

Lin had to restrain himself from rushing the Colonel and killing him. He felt Ran Fan stir at his side as she too struggled to maintain an air of indifference. He bent and lifted Edward to his shoulder trying to do so gently but at the same time giving the appearance that he wasn't. Once he had Edward in place he and Ran Fan followed the guard silently out of the Colonel's office.


	73. Chapter 73

As Edward slowly opened his eyes the world around him spun by in a blur. He wondered if he was still feeling the affects of the Guo but when his body was seized with pain he desperately wished for more of the soothing drink. He bit his tongue to keep from moaning as the throbbing pain began to reveal their specific locations. As he worked through the individual parts of his body that ached he began to wonder why the top of his head, his back and most importantly his nose hurt so damn much.

"I think he's waking up," he heard someone say. It was a male voice and it wasn't friendly.

"Hey, you son of a bitch. Welcome to hell."

"Not so tough now when you've had the shit kicked out of you."

Edward ignored them, too concerned with trying to figure out what caused these new pains. He reached up to touch his nose and regretted it immediately, determining it was indeed broken. He felt the dried blood under his nose and along the side of his face.

"You know the Colonel got a souvenir," one of the voices continued. "How about us? We were on guard duty when he was brought in."

"What do you want? An ear. Or how about one of those golden eyes."

Edward froze.

"No, too messy."

He relaxed; but not much.

"What then?"

"Well, he does have an artificial leg left."

A dark, evil laugh followed immediately and Edward quickly forgot his pain. He looked over to his right to see the two Drachmans, one leaning against the bars of the stone cell he was in; the other walking away. He returned a couple of minutes later jingling a set of keys. He opened the cell and walked in, his companion following after him. Edward groped with his left hand and tried to pull himself away but it was useless. He felt himself kicked over onto his stomach, his left arm pulled behind his back. Then a heavy boot pressed against his arm, holding him down. He didn't have the strength to struggle and barely managed a "Get the fuck off me," that sounded more like a sad, little whimper.

"And what are you going to do if I don't, Mr. Fullmetal piece-of-shit?"

"I wouldn't do that, unless you're willing to carry him all the way to Drachma," a feminine voice warned and relief washed over Edward when he recognized it was Ran Fan. He looked around trying to spot her but saw nothing. It was too dark and she was too carefully hidden in the shadows.

"Ohhh... It's a little missy," one of the Drachmans said salaciously. "Don't be jealous sweetheart. When we're done playing with him we can have some fun with you too."

"You leave her alone," Edward got out then realized he should have kept his mouth shut.

"Whoa, look at this. He's a chivalrous one."

A Drachman face appeared within his peripheral vision. "What's she to you? She's the one that brought you in."

"It's his weakness. How do you think I was able to get close to him?" Ran Fan hinted.

"Smart girl," one of the Drachmans chuckled. "Perhaps you can show me how you did it."

"Perhaps I can show you how I'll slit your throat," Ran Fan said dangerously.

"A feisty one. I like them feisty." Then Edward heard the tearing of material and his leg jangled up and down.

"How the fuck does this thing... ah, got it."

The familiar snap of the leg disengaging then Edward felt lightness on his left leg and tried to suppress the urge to cry.

"Wait, there's two of us and only one leg."

"Here." Edward felt a tug around his middle then heard a snap.

"No!" He finally managed to shout with enough strength but was silenced with a kick to his ribs.

"Just stay there and shut up," one of the Drachmans said bending down to look at him, the weight removed from his arm and back. There was a knife in the Drachman's hand and he held it close for Edward to see.

"I might take one of those pretty gold eyes of yours," he threatened as he tapped the point of the knife against Edward's eyelid. Standing back up he threw the watch in the air and catching it, he looked down again. "Besides, what do these things matter? After you've been put on trial and publicly hanged you won't need them anymore."

The two Drachmans left the cell, locking the door behind them. One of them removed the boot from his automail and tossed it back through the bars. "It's not my size," he chuckled and together he and the other left laughing together hilariously.

"We'll get it all back," Ran Fan said quietly.

"I don't fucking care," Edward said miserably even though he did and wished he could just melt into the ground and disappear for good then have to endure this for two days. He was running out of souvenirs for them. He was scared they might actually take his eyes next time. Closing them, not bothering to move from his current position he forced everything out of his mind, wiping it clean. It was hard but eventually he did it and fell asleep.

* * *

He had lost track of time being in the dark, underground cell. But he sensed it was late at night. Activity had ceased; meaning no more Drachmans came in to harass him. Since the time he woke up – and in between quick restless naps - it was a steady parade of insults, spitting and threats. He had heard all forms and variations of cripple, gimp, freak, bastard... he was starting to get a little bored with the same names being thrown at him. He was almost tempted to make up a few of his own and offer them as a gesture of his bitter hate and with a promise he would kick their asses later. But he thought he'd been through enough and didn't want to make the situation worse then what it already was. The monotony of insults was broken up with Drachmans coming in with the jingling keys who would then give a swift kick, usually followed by spitting at him and threatening him some more. Even that got boring. Through it all he was on a roller coaster of emotions going up and down between depression, fear, to not giving a damn then to humor over getting himself into messes such as this.

He hadn't seen Lin since he woke up behind bars. Only Ran Fan remained close, on guard, silent and still. It drove him mad that she didn't at least talk to him while he was trapped behind bars. He tried to think of something pleasant so he wouldn't focus on how miserable he was. Nothing worked. He tried to remember his childhood, running along the gently rolling hills of Risembool with Al and Winry. But all that led to was the horrible transmutation, the disfigured being they created, Al in a suit of armor and him with two bloody stumps, not much different then what he was now. He tried to recall the time he spent with Erika but that too led to the memory of her leaving and not knowing where she was and whether she was alright or not. He sighed, dejected but something did come to mind that made him chuckle softly. The laugh actually got a response from Ran Fan.

"What are you laughing at?" She asked curiously.

"I just realized I'm nineteen."

"So?"

"I've been nineteen for nearly six months now."

"What did you do for your birthday?"

"Get hassled by a grouchy old man that I should stay in bed and recover."

"Oh," Ran Fan said sounding embarrassed. "I heard what happened to you in North City."

"It's funny, when you think about it. That situation is a little similar to what I'm doing now, though I was stupid enough to agree with this." He sighed then continued. "I think I am bored. You'd think I had enough excitement in my life. But I guess fighting Drachmans isn't much fun unless I'm right in the thick of them."

"You shouldn't talk so much. Save your strength."

"I told you I'm bored."

"Go to sleep."

"I can't," Edward said quietly. "I see things I don't want to see. Do you have any Guo?"

"No," Ran Fan said harshly.

Edward sighed again. "I think you're lying."

He decided to test sitting up. He'd have to eventually when it was time to get out of the cell and let Havoc into this hell hole.

His back ached and his head throbbed but he felt capable of handling the pain as he managed to carefully - and with a lot of effort - drag himself to the far wall to lean against it. He took a moment to catch his breath, feeling what energy he had completely wiped out with just that moment of brief exertion, pulling his body along with just the strength of his left arm and torso. He looked over his left hand. There was just enough light to see the clear, pink flesh covered in grime and dried blood. His hand was too dirty for him to see the thin blue veins with blood pumping through them. As he stared at his hand in the dim light he knew there was still life in him; there was still a fire within him. He may have been scared out of his wits to do this but he wouldn't let it beat him. He knew he wasn't completely incapable of using alchemy.

"You know what?" He said putting his hand to his mouth, biting through the skin of his finger. A bubble of blood appeared and he used it to draw a simple transmutation circle on the ground. "I'm not completely useless," he added as he activated the circle. The blue light from the transmutation highlighted the ground as it churned and looked like it would form something but then fizzled out, leaving a circle of crumbled stone.

"I can find out what this place is made of," he said picking up a piece of the crumbled rock. He looked it over but there wasn't enough light to determine its composition so he licked it. He didn't taste any other mineral at first then tried again. There was a bit of a tangy, metallic taste to it. Most of the rock was granite - that much he could tell - but something else had been fused with it, likely iron to account for the traces of metal he tasted. But there was something else that left a strange film on his tongue. It was powdery. _Perhaps marble? It's not prone to shattering._ _But that's just the ground. What about the walls? They would be reinforced with something else, something stronger, _he analyzed as he felt the wall with his left hand._ I should take into account carbon too. Wait a minute, carbon and iron are used to make steel..._

He knew all about carbon and how to get past it. He smiled knowing this was what he needed; to keep his mind focused on something that was more constructive. This was what he was used to... figuring out a problem and solving it. He was almost able to forget the pain, humiliation and bruised pride.

"Go to sleep," Ran Fan commanded.

"Why don't you make me by giving me some Guo?"

She sighed irritably and grumbled something. _If someone is useless, it's her_, Edward thought more out of annoyance than actually believing it. He started tossing bits of rock, trying to hit the bars to entertain himself. He began to think again how he missed his nineteenth birthday. He wondered if he'd miss his twentieth. If the war continued what kind of trouble would he be in then? What ridiculously dangerous situation would he get himself involved in? He leaned his head back a little too hard, bruising his already sore brain.

"Do you sometimes wish you could be a normal teenager? More worried about girls, or in your case guys, and going to a university." He said suddenly.

"There is nothing like that in Xing for those of my station."

"There is here."

"Do you, then?"

"I never did before... until now."

"And?"

Edward grinned mischievously. "I still don't. The only thing I wish I could do now is kick some Drachman ass."

His grin widened when he heard a soft chuckle come from Ran Fan.


	74. Chapter 74

Edward endured the two days, wondering why he was still alive. He wasn't fed or given anything to drink. His sore body, depleted of strength would surely make him useless and almost incapable of using alchemy. Plus, he used up quite a bit of blood drawing transmutation circles. Each finger looked like it'd been gnawed on and they were too sore it was painful to touch anything. He didn't know how he would manage helping Havoc's team into the fort.

Ran Fan was a constant presence; never leaving him alone for too long. Lin he didn't see at all. Then he finally did.

Lin came in briefly after the two days passed, had a whispered conversation with Ran Fan then left quickly without a word to Edward who watched him leave with a simmering hatred. He wanted to know what Lin had been up to; why he hadn't been given any information about the fort layout and what to expect when he would finally be released. Being kept in the dark with no knowledge of what was going for two days made him paranoid and he began to wonder if Lin had in fact betrayed him; that Lin was really after guns to arm his clan for his push for the Xing throne. But he had to stifle it and he swallowed the hate, knowing it was just as much his fault he was in there and not just Lin's. He was going to have to put his trust in Lin but he was finding it difficult in his predicament.

"Young Master says the bombardment will be starting any minute now," Ran Fan whispered when Lin was gone. "The Drachmans have spotted the brigade and are preparing to fire upon them."

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity to Edward as he awaited the coming bombardment. Suddenly Ran Fan got up and Edward watched her walk past his cell, a silent, black ghost. Her feet looked like they hardly touched the ground as she went by. His heart began to beat faster when she didn't return immediately, wondering what she was doing. He didn't want to be alone if anymore Drachmans came by wanting to claim the last of his souvenirs. But a distant echo followed by the ground shaking made him forget quickly as the Amestrian bombardment began. A shower of dust rained down on him. There were more echoes and the earth shook even more. He sat there hoping the ceiling didn't cave in on him. Then Ran Fan was in front of the cell unlocking it, Lin by her side with his arm and leg.

"It's about fucking time," Edward said as they rushed forward but they didn't immediately set to work reinstalling his automail.

"Ed," Lin said looking slightly worried. "There's a lot you need to know so don't interrupt and you'll have to trust me on a few things."

Edward nodded and waited for Lin to continue, keeping his mouth shut seeing the urgency in the matter.

"The brigade has begun firing on the fort, mostly at the base since they know your men will be in here soon. The Drachmans haven't started firing yet; the brigade is too far out of range for the six inch guns on the top of the wall that we spotted from the outside. But they are preparing their ten and twelve inch guns hidden behind ports that look like the fort walls," Edwards heart skipped a beat with worry and wanted to say something but clamped his mouth shut even tighter to let Lin finish uninterrupted. "They're preparing those guns now, adjusting them to fire upon the brigade. They will be in range soon. Stay with me and I'll tell you where to make the opening to let your Lieutenant in and where to create the barrier to keep the Drachmans from coming in to help the artillery teams as we take them out. I've got something for you to take. It'll give you enough energy to use alchemy."

Edward nodded, feeling his heart beat faster, the adrenaline beginning to make its way through fueling him some, though it wouldn't be enough in his condition.

He was worried. Twelve inch guns they didn't even know about. They would blow the brigade away. Ran Fan took hold of his automail arm and prepared to reinstall it but didn't see Lin move forward with his leg.

"Wait," Edward said before she could do anything. "Please, both at the same time if possible."

Ran Fan said something to Lin quickly in Xingese and pointed towards Edward's leg. Lin bent and put the automail in place, moving aside the torn material of Edward's uniform, Ran Fan doing the same with his arm. Ran Fan counted down and Edward braced himself. The familiar yet painful connection of his nerves jerked his body unwillingly no matter how much he prepared for the shock. A small yelp of pain escaped despite trying to hold back it back with gritted teeth. Lin flinched backwards and looked at him worriedly not expecting such a reaction thinking he had done something wrong.

"You alright?" Lin asked putting his hand on Edward's shoulder. He just nodded and tried to smile to reassure the young Prince.

"This is normal," Edward panted as he felt the adrenaline slowly fade away leaving him even more tired and aching, nearly on the verge of passing out.

"Here, swallow these," Lin said extending his palm which held two small white pills.

Edward looked at Lin's hand and tried to reach for the pills but had no strength to lift his arm. Ran Fan reached for them instead and put them in Edward's mouth. He swallowed and felt some relief from the water Ran Fan gave him to drink from a water bag. He drank down the water greedily reveling in the cool, clean taste.

It didn't take long for the pills to react in his body. He felt a radiating heat from the middle of his stomach that spread through out, first up his spine then down through his arm and leg. The feeling of strength and power that coursed through his veins and muscles was nothing he ever felt before. Edward felt he had enough power to tear the cell door off with his bare hands without even using alchemy. But with the power came an angry, violent rage that disturbed him but the thought of stopping the Drachman guns overruled his initial reaction of revenge for what he had to go through for two days.

Lin had a Drachman uniform Edward hadn't noticed before and instructed him to change into it. Edward did so quickly. Once he had the uniform on he realized something was missing.

"Where's my watch?"

"I'm sorry," Lin apologized. "I couldn't find the Drachman Ran Fan described."

The violent rage erupted within Edward and it took a lot of will power to keep it down and forget the fact he was leaving a souvenir behind for the Drachmans. But fate was playing nice with him because at that same moment a Drachman appeared at the open door of the cell. The Drachman had his mouth open to say something and was in the process of aiming his rifle. The last two days flashed before Edward's eyes; the beatings, the taunts, his arm and leg taken, his watch... Then - moving too fast for even Ran Fan or Lin to stop or do anything - he clapped his hands together, passed his left hand over his right arm. The blade formed - his favorite blade he hadn't used in so long and felt a need to do so - and charged the Drachman.

He felt an evil satisfaction when he felt the blade slide easily into the Drachmans belly, driving him backwards. Edward's charge threw the two of them out of the cell and the Drachman hit the far wall, his head cracking against the stone, the point of Edward's blade, slid completely through the Drachman's abdomen and embedded into the wall as well. The Drachman stared at Edward with wide, dulling, fearful eyes. Edward twisted the blade, the man's face scrunching in pain as he removed the blade slowly. The Drachman slid down with a look of shock and fear on his face as Edward stood over him, his blade dripping blood. He felt a tugging on his arm that he threw off.

"Come on," Lin said urgently, trying to lead Edward down the way toward the exit. "We have to go now."

But Edward didn't follow. He bent down and grabbed something from the Drachman's belt. It was his watch. He gripped the silver watch firmly in his hand. The rage hadn't subsided and the only relief from it was to kick the already dying Drachman with his left foot. He got in a couple more kicks and felt hands around his arms trying to drag him away.

"Let go of me," he growled angrily as he tried to shake Lin off.

"Ed, we have to go now," Lin commanded, struggling with Edward who turned on him and slammed him against the bars of the cell. Edward pressed his arm into Lin's neck, holding his blade close to his juggler.

"Why should I listen to you?" Edward asked pressing his arm harder into Lin's neck.

"I don't blame you," Lin said gasping for air. "It is my fault for suggesting this. But you did go along with it."

Edward let Lin go and punched him in the face. He was ready to hit the Prince again but felt his arm held back.

"Edward, your Lieutenant is waiting for you," a soft, gentle voice said in his ear.

Edward relaxed a bit. "Jean," he said quietly, remembering there was something he still needed to do and put his arm down.

"Yes, Jean," Ran Fan said. "He's waiting for you."

There was something about the thought of Havoc; the one person who didn't want him to be where he was, who had been by his side when he woke up in the hospital after his harrowing encounter with the three Drachmans in North City.

There was also something in Ran Fan's calming voice too that made the rage ease into a simmer instead of it boiling over into violence that he would surely take out on Lin, likely killing him and eventually turning upon Ran Fan as well. He remembered it was Ran Fan that stayed with him and during the last twenty four hours had kept him company, talking to him when the Drachmans weren't around to keep him from losing it. He felt her hand grip his and he could see and think more clearly now. He looked down at Ran Fan and noticed for the first time how much taller he was than her. _Funny to thing to think of_ he thought as he allowed her to guide him away from Lin who slid to the ground, removing his hood and face cover. He sat there for a second catching his breath. Edward couldn't look at him. He was calm now but he knew if he looked back at Lin the rage would return. He did look back at the Drachman who was slowly bleeding to death and wished he hadn't. A part of him was disgusted for enjoying the feeling of revenge and another part wanted to taste it again. He needed to get out of the dark prison, he needed air. It was stifling and the more he felt suffocated the anger began to grow again.

"Ed?" Lin questioned tentatively from behind him.

"Let's just get out of here."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lin skirt around him then head down the passage. He felt an arm around his waist and felt Ran Fan try to guide him to follow. He hesitated but remembered Havoc needed him. He set his automail back and allowed Ran Fan to lead him out of the dark.


	75. Chapter 75

They didn't see many Drachmans along the way of the stone passage and the stairway leading up to the upper level of the fort. They had all gone to watch the show when their larger guns would open fire upon the foolish Amestrians. Any straggling Drachmans they did run across Lin took them out masterfully, leaving them sitting against walls like they were peacefully sleeping on the job. Edward was a little jealous he didn't get to do anything feeling the itch to hit, bite… anything just to feel and know he was causing pain in someone else. But he had to keep shaking off the violent urges or else it would have consumed him completely. But he was finding it hard to focus on following Lin through the passages of the fort.

When Lin led them through a door Edward nearly fell back inside, nearly blinded by the bright sunlight. He had been deprived of light for two days he couldn't tolerate the intensity of the sun. Ran Fan gripped his hand and pulled him forward. He followed forcing his eyes open, making them adjust whether they liked it or not.

They ran across the courtyard at an angle towards a wall with doors spaced at intervals. Edward's eyes adjusted a bit but he didn't like what he saw; Drachmans forming up in columns, trying to maintain their footholds as the bombardment raged, shaking the ground constantly. Edward knew what they were forming up for. Once the twelve inch guns went off and decimated the Amestrian brigade, whoever was left would retreat and be weakened. Then the Drachmans would move out to attack them from behind to continue the slaughter.

He was tempted to do a little more than shake the ground like the Amestrian artillery but knew he had to reserve his strength and not blow their cover yet. He had to remind himself that this was a team effort; he didn't have to do everything on his own, wearing himself out. _But nobody else was used as a punching bag for two days_, he thought bitterly. _Why shouldn't I have the satisfaction of bringing down this whole fort on my own?_

He knew he was good but his rational side - a tiny voice inside that was close to being drowned out - reminded him he would likely go down with the collapse of the fort as well not having enough energy to provide an out for himself. It wasn't a fun prospect. Fortunately Lin guided them through a door, out of the merciless bright sunlight, taking the hated Drachmans out of sight.

They entered a hallway with doors lining the left side. They were the Drachman sleeping quarters and they were empty. They ran down, passing several doors then before the hallway ended Lin stopped before a door, opened it and ushered Edward and Ran Fan in closing the door behind them.

"That far wall there, Ed," Lin pointed out.

Edward went where he was directed and clapped his hands together. It took some effort but he finally created an opening large enough for his men to climb through. Ran Fan went through without a word and disappeared down a wooded slope.

Edward was left alone with Lin and he tried to suppress the earlier violence he had felt; this was not the time for him to lose it and kill an ally. Just as Ran Fan reappeared through the opening with Fu at her heals a new, thunderous explosion rocked them. The fort's twelve inch guns had opened fire. Havoc was just scrambling through and nearly fell over from the force of the guns firing at once. Edward grabbed him by the arm to steady him but when the Lieutenant's eyes fell upon his younger commanding officer, his jaw dropped in horror as he studied Edward's face.

"What the fuck happened to you?" He asked stunned.

"What do you think?" Edward snapped letting Havoc's arm go, feeling the anger and rage growing once again.

There was more than Edward's battered face that disturbed Havoc. He was wide awake and conscious but there was an abnormal sense of jitteriness; that he was anxious to keep moving, his eyes darting back and forth quickly. They were bloodshot, his pupils dilated and he barely blinked. There was a frightening wildness to Edward.

Havoc had seen him upset and hyped up in a fight but this was different. It didn't match with what he knew how Edward would be treated by the Drachmans. The bruised, battered face was expected but not the energy and almost feral look of strength. His golden eyes surrounded by red tinge and the pink puffiness from lack of sleep made Havoc think of a wild mountain lion he had killed before he left for the military. The animal had been killing sheep that belonged to a local farmer and Havoc - having been known as a great shot then - had been called to help. He remembered how the lion looked just before he pulled the trigger. Edward had the same look of that untamed, savage animal and Havoc, upset, made his way over to Lin.

"What did you give him?" He accused, keeping his voice low so Edward wouldn't overhear.

"It's just a stimulant, a performance enhancer. We needed him at full strength," Lin explained.

"Is he supposed to look like that?"

"That's the normal affect. Don't provoke him. The stimulant increases aggression."

"And what happens when it wears off?"

"Be prepared to catch him when he crashes."

Havoc couldn't find the words he needed to express his disgust and anger over their abuse of Edward. Before he could think of something to say – or beat the life out of Lin – the Prince interrupted.

"Lieutenant, it is not the time for this."

"No, but there will be," Havoc said, then added before moving away. "Did the Drachmans do that?" He asked indicating the black eye and the welt on Lin's neck.

"Drachmans I can handle. Ed, not so much," Lin said with a wry smile.

"You probably deserved it."

"I know I did. Ran Fan is able to keep him calm, she'll watch out for him. Bring the Sergeants together so I can brief them, have their teams wait outside under cover until we're ready for them."

"Right," Havoc said moving away from Lin and heading back to Edward, not willing to let him out of sight as much as possible as he called in his Sergeants.

Once all who were needed were in the small room, Lin pulled out a sketch of the fort he had made and instructed Havoc and the Sergeants where to deploy their men along the rows of artillery. Fu and his small team were to blend in with the other Xingese and take out what alchemist they could before they attempted to break through the barrier Edward would make. Lin spoke rapidly as the guns continued firing, knowing the Amestrian brigade would not be able to withstand the bombardment for long. They would have to hurry before the brigade retreated too far back, increasing the distance they would have to cover when they returned to take control of the fort when the guns were in their hands.

When Lin was done he let Fu and his men out first to get themselves into position to subdue the Xing alchemists and the Sergeants went out to retrieve their squads.

As the small room began to fill Lin motioned to Ran Fan to bring Edward along.

"Are you ready, Ed?" Lin asked, watching his friend closely.

Edward - looking at Lin with distrustful eyes - didn't answer. Ran Fan gently pushed him forward and he went out the door.

"Lieutenant, follow right behind us with your men." Lin instructed over his shoulder.

He quickly moved out in front of Edward and Ran Fan, leading them back the way they came. On their left was a door and Lin opened it carefully. The ground still shook with the firing of the guns and the noise was deafening. When Edward looked out past Lin the bright light once again nearly threw him back but he forced himself to focus and look out across the courtyard. Drachmans were lined up waiting. There was still a lot of activity with the artillery teams and their support. A trap door was open and Edward saw the shells being brought up to fuel the guns. He noted the walls to his left and straight ahead, lined with artillery that continued their constant bombardment, seeing for the first time what they were up against. Once again he had to fight back the urge to beat Lin for not telling him earlier what they would have to face.

"I think you know what to do," Lin said.

Edward nodded, trying not to think of the odds that were against them. Taking a couple of deep breaths to steady himself he clapped his hands together, placing them on the ground in front of him. A wall sprouted straight up cutting the parade ground in half at a diagonal. Drachmans on their side of the wall that were too close fell forward, knocking into the men in front of them. There were shouts of surprise and orders when the Drachmans realized most of their men were behind the wall. Edward clapped his hands again. The ground under the Drachmans began to shake even more then crumble. Some areas opened up into yawning holes swallowing the unfortunate Drachmans who had been over them.

Edward finished up his work by sealing up the trap door that led to the magazine and then reestablishing an even surface for his men to run across. He stepped aside and Havoc came through. He pressed a handgun into Edward's hands then continued on directing their men into position. As some ran toward the wall in front of them and some to their left, sharpshooters from the top of the wall began firing down on them.

Edward tucked the gun into his belt, grabbed a couple of men, created a barrier to provide cover, and then ordered them to return fire. Edward stooped behind his own barrier as well firing off a couple of shots and looked around, seeing what he could do next. The rush of adrenaline and the need to keep moving was too much for him to resist. Sitting behind a barrier firing off a gun was not enough. He saw at the top the six inch guns being turned around. His men were just barely swarming through the second level. He looked around. Havoc and Lin were nowhere to be found. He smiled, glad to be free of them and moved to leave the barrier putting the gun back in his belt.

"What are you doing?"

He hadn't noticed Ran Fan was still close.

"We have to stop those guns on top of the wall."

"Your men are almost there. They will handle it," she argued.

"They'll be too late. The guns will fire upon the barrier and it'll come down on us. Now, I'm going. I've got a way to get up there quickly. Are you coming with me or not?" He asked turning to look at her.

"I'm coming," Ran Fan said.

Edward directed the team behind the smaller barrier to cover them. Then he and Ran Fan ran across the distance as stone chips from ricocheting bullets nipped at their heels. Stopping next to the wall, seeing that his men had everything handled with the twelve inch guns which had gone silent he pulled Ran Fan close then clapped his hands. Putting them to the ground a stone platform formed then grew, heading straight up along the wall. It continued going up, faster and faster... then just as he came to the edge he and Ran Fan jumped off onto the top of the wall.

It was a blur of adrenaline, fire and raw power as he took out the Drachmans at the top and disabled some of the guns. He had never felt such a rush before in a fight. He knew it was a dangerous feeling but that just increased the exhilaration he felt as he continued down the wall.

Ran Fan was ahead of him, crippling whoever got in her way. She was already turning the corner for the other wall when Edward cried out in pain as he clutched his side. He didn't stop, the burning in his side angered him and blinded him to the pain until he forgot it altogether as he kicked one Drachman away from a gun. Taking the handgun from his belt; he pointed it and fired it straight into the Drachman's heart then turned the weapon upon another Drachman coming at him, firing twice. But it didn't slow the Drachman any and he still came for Edward who was ready and looking forward to the collision.

Tossing the gun aside he formed his blade again and ran to meet the Drachman. The man swung at Edward and he ducked it, burying his blade into the Drachman's stomach. The Drachman went back and Edward kept pushing. Suddenly the Drachman fell, disappearing and Edward had a clear view of the courtyard below before he felt himself tugged backwards, falling on something soft that cursed.

"Be careful," Ran Fan yelled at him pushing him off. Edward scrambled up and offered his hand to Ran Fan and helped her up. He looked out across the valley, his heart nearly beating out of his chest, his breathing ragged. He took a closer look and from the direction he, Lin and Ran Fan had come from two days ago a crowd of blue uniforms were nearly to the fort. He scanned the top of the wall on both sides and saw his men were securing the six inch guns he hadn't destroyed. Some were returning fire with Drachmans across the way on top of the wall above the sleeping quarters.

"You're bleeding," Ran Fan pointed out worriedly.

"It's just a scratch," Edward said brushing it off then headed for a stair well that led down to the lower levels, hearing Ran Fan following. As he jumped the last few steps to the ground level he saw Havoc at the entrance waiting for their backup to come and storm the fort. He turned around and spotted Edward.

"You alright, Ed?" He asked, looking flushed and a little worn out.

Edward's anger flared up again. "It's Lieutenant Colonel or sir!"

"Sorry, sir," Havoc said glancing nervously at Edward then at Ran Fan.

"We'll need the wall dropped when there are enough men in position," Ran Fan said quietly, trying to pull him away.

"Fine," Edward said irritably but didn't move immediately. Everything swam before him. He took a step back and nearly fell. He felt Ran Fan steady him and he forced everything back into focus and followed her to take position so he would be ready to drop the barrier.

It didn't take long for their half of the fort to fill with Amestrian soldiers. When they were in place, many taking position along the rows of artillery and filling the courtyard, Edward dropped the barrier. He heard the deafening roar of rifles firing when it was clear to shoot and soon he was enclosed in smoke. He heard shouts and more firing and tried to stand but his legs would not respond. Then everything went black.


	76. Chapter 76

"I think he's coming around now, sir."

"Thank you, doctor. I'd like to be alone with him."

"Yes, sir."

Edward slowly became aware that he was lying on clean sheets but he didn't want to open his eyes to confirm that. He thought the voices he heard were part of a dream so ignored it as he slowly become accustomed to the aching he felt throughout his body. He found it to be tolerable considering everything he had gone through with the Drachmans. Those two days spent in bitter pain played through his mind but he had the sense he was safe now. There were no taunts, threats or a cold, dripping stone cell. Even better... he still had his automail attached. Yep, he was reasonably comfortable and safe... well, maybe not exactly safe. He opened his eyes and shut them again. Nope, he shouldn't have expected he'd get away with what he did.

"Alright Elric, I know you're awake."

He opened his eyes reluctantly and looked up at Brigadier General Locke standing at the foot of the cot he was lying on. He didn't look too happy.

"Do you want to explain this to me?" Locke asked looking down at Edward with anger and disappointment reflected in his dark eyes.

Edward decided to play dumb. "I apologize, sir. We didn't know about the twelve inch guns, we only thought..."

He stopped when Locke's eyes narrowed in on him angrily. "Don't start with me young man," he warned and Edward shrunk down further into the cot. "You know what I mean. Obviously we saw the ports drop so that was not your fault. I want you to explain to me why you thought it was a good idea to give yourself up to the Drachmans and spare me the alchemical technicalities. The Prince already filled me in but that's not what I want from you."

"Then there's nothing else to say," Edward said in his defense, hoping he sounded confident and not like some kid who got their hand caught in the cookie jar. "There really was no other way."

Locked didn't look convinced. "The next time you feel the need to throw yourself into the Lion's Den, you better run that by me first, Lieutenant Colonel Elric! I will not have my officers recklessly throwing their lives away like that! Or going behind my back on some fool idea suggested by someone who is not their commanding officer!"

"Yes, sir," Edward said swallowing, feeling his cheeks color from embarrassment. He hated to disappoint Locke. He had come to respect the Brigadier General even more so after the Russell incident. But he wished Locke could have waited until he felt a little more capable of handling the yelling. It just made his head ache even more. But he knew he deserved it.

"How do you think this army would run without leadership?" Locke said stalking back and forth in front of Edward. "If all the officers did everything themselves, they would likely be killed in the process. Then the chain of command will break and we'll be exposed to confusion, then we'd be vulnerable for our enemies to take advantage of that. There are times when we must make tough choices regarding who we send out but you did not give me that choice. You are under my command and I have the final say in regard with what you can and cannot do! Young man, I'd give you a beating if you hadn't already received one! Next time you pull something like this I will court martial you! I've already got in mind three charges against you. One; you were absent without leave. Two; disrespect toward a superior commissioned officer, which would be me and you not disclosing your true intent. Three; damage to military property... that property being you. I'm sure I can come up with one or two more if I wanted!"

Edward wanted to pull the sheet over his head and hide. He didn't realize the complications of the plan went any further than what he would suffer during his time with the Drachmans. He didn't want the humiliation of a court martial. He had built up a reputation, one he was proud of. He hated how Mustang had pumped him up to be something more but what he had done for himself before the war was what he was most proud of. He didn't want to soil it.

"The Fuhrer will be hearing about this," Locke continued. "Maybe there's something he can do too to make sure you never pull a stunt like this again. I think you need to understand what we go through when we send our best out in the field and see how you like it when officers do whatever they like!"

"Yes, sir," Edward said miserably knowing Mustang and his ways.

Locke's fire went out suddenly and he fell into a chair nearby, putting his face in his hands then moving them up to run through his hair. Edward was afraid to look at him so he kept his eyes straight ahead. He didn't want to draw the ire of his commanding officer any more than he had already experienced.

"Honestly," he said, turning to look at Edward. "I really don't know what to do with you. You're the best I got, one of the best in the entire military. There really is no way to control you. If I did you would be useless."

"Sir," Edward said hesitantly. "Is the fort...?"

"Yes, it's in our hands now," Locke said tiredly. "You really stirred up a lot of trouble. I was expecting the normal routine of capturing the fort, putting it back together and processing prisoners. That's easy compared to the mess I had to deal with. I nearly had to arrest your Lieutenant. He kept trying to attack Prince Lin and those bodyguards of his were none too happy about that. Then after you collapsed, the men of your battalion thought you were dead and nearly killed the Drachmans that had surrendered. Threatening your men with court martial and prison didn't work. Even when they were told you were alright they turned on the Xing troops when word got around what the Prince gave you and how you were treated by the Drachmans."

Edward really wanted to hide; preferably somewhere across the country or perhaps a different country altogether. He knew his superior officers wouldn't have approved of what he did. He didn't think it would affect the dynamics between his battalion and Lin's troops.

"Are you done, Brigadier General?" Dr. Knox asked walking up along the short aisle of beds in the temporary medical tent Edward was in. He groaned thinking things were just going to get worse if he was going to be stuck under the care of the moody Dr. Knox.

"Yes," Locke said sighing as he stood up.

"Good, because for once this child..."

"I'm not a..." Edward interrupted and shut up quickly when he received stern glares from Knox and Locke. Edward looked at both men; his mouth set in a stubborn frown but kept it shut tight. He didn't like being ganged up on – something that was happening a little too often - but there wasn't much he could do but deal with it.

"... will finally rest the way he's supposed to," Knox finished as he produced a syringe. "You've had too much in your system already but you need to sleep," the doctor continued as he slid the needle into the IV tube - that Edward noticed for the first time - that fed into his arm. "If you try to resist and move before I say you should, I'll strap you to the bed. I've been nice so far letting you keep the automail."

Edward glared at him unable to hold back his rudeness. "Why am I stuck with you again? Why can't I get Dr. Marcoh...?"

"Dr. Marcoh is dead," Knox informed him.

Edward looked at him stunned. "How?"

"Foolish, like you," Knox said with no hint of emotion but the eyes reflecting more than he cared to. "Was out with the field medics and took a bullet to the head."

"Perhaps now you'll understand, Elric," Lock said eyeing him. "I'm ordering you to follow the doctor's advice."

He wasn't too thrilled with the guilt trip or their rushed manner of disclosing Marcoh's death. But he understood. A lot of men died. It was the cold hard truth... and he could have been one of them. It was expected though. Once you put on the uniform your fate was to either die in battle or be incredibly lucky. It was like a chess game. It could only be won by sacrificing the pieces at the right time. It was the ones at the top who made the decisions and were prepared to take the responsibility. It was not his time to be sacrificed. _Damn numbers game!_ He thought bitterly. He hated it but it was war. That's how the game was played. It was all up to who can outmaneuver who and who could outlast who.

Knox and the Brigadier General soon left so he could rest. As he waited for the sedatives to take affect he tried not to get bogged down with the thought of the kind Dr. Marcoh now dead. The man may have felt he deserved an end such as that but Edward didn't think so. He thought of the other men under his command, the letters he had to write to their families. It was difficult to be an officer and remain strong and continue sending men out knowing they may not come back. He imagined it was worse for those who outranked him. They had to deal with the deaths of hundreds, even thousands of men.

He was grateful for the swiftness sleep came upon him. He didn't want to think anymore. There was too much to sort through and he wasn't ready for it yet.

* * *

A few hours later, when the sedatives wore off Edward began to open his eyes once again but stopped. He heard voices; a whispered conversation.

_Can't I get some fucking peace?_ He wondered annoyed that there was someone there waiting for him... again. But he wasn't going to give whoever it was the satisfaction of yelling at him like Locke did.

As he laid there with his eyes closed he noticed something different about the voices. He couldn't understand what they were saying. He cracked his eyes open and saw Lin and Ran Fan. He shut his eyes tight realizing their conversation was not about him. He wanted to provide them with their privacy - though a little tough with him lying there - but soon curiosity got the better of him remembering Ran Fan's confession and hoped this encounter would bring them together. He risked opening his eyes again just a little, remaining perfectly still.

Lin was now kneeling before Ran Fan who was seated in the same chair Locke had sat in earlier. She was crying and Lin reached up to wipe a tear away. Ran Fan smiled and took his hand, kissing it then let it go. She said something to Lin and he winced. She said something else and he stood reluctantly and left. Edward closed his eyes again and held his breath, listening to Lin's footsteps as they slowly faded away. He decided to wait a little before "waking up". He knew Ran Fan was still there and didn't want her to know he had seen anything.

"I know you're awake."

_Fuck! How does everyone know?!_

"It doesn't make much sense for someone that's supposed to be sleeping to hold their breath."

He opened his eyes to look at her. Her face was dry now and she looked... well, he couldn't quite tell. She didn't look sad but she didn't look like she was overcome with joy either.

"Was that a good conversation or a bad one?" He asked.

She just shrugged her shoulders. "It depends."

"On what?"

"On time."

"I guess that's how it usually is." He said looking up at the top of the tent, thinking of the time he was going to have to put in for damage control. He hoped he would be released right away. He didn't like the thought of his troops and the Xingese at each other's throats because of him.

He looked back over to Ran Fan. "Why are you here?"

After what he heard from Locke about the division between his men the Xingese, he was surprised Ran Fan and Lin were even around to see him.

"I guess I just got used to you," she said looking a little embarrassed. "And I feel bad for what you had to go through and not being able to do anything."

"Don't worry about it," he reassured. "It's my fault too."

"True," Ran Fan said smiling.

"Hey, do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Get me a cigarette. I'm dying for a smoke."

"I don't think the doctor would like that very much."

"Maybe, but he didn't say I couldn't. I'm just supposed to rest. It'll be easier to do that with a cigarette. Besides, I need to enjoy what I can before I face what's outside of this tent."

"Okay," Ran Fan said finally agreeing.

She got up and left, leaving Edward alone. He stared back up at the tent wondering why he always got himself into these messes.


	77. Chapter 77

He spent another two days in the make shift infirmary. He didn't see Ran Fan again after she got him a cigarette. Havoc came by to see how he was doing and she made herself scarce.

Edward was glad to have Havoc around especially since the Lieutenant didn't lecture like Locke did. He was surprised to learn he had been unconscious for three days. By the fifth day he wasn't feeling as sore or bruised as he did when he first woke up and his broken nose didn't feel so bad – unless he touched it - but he was left with it taped and hated it; he didn't want to know what he looked like with the bandage on. Also, if he didn't twist too much his side where a bullet had grazed him didn't bother him much either. But those few highlights didn't do much to ease his guilt over the way he reacted to the pills Lin gave him. He tried to convince himself it was the pills and not him. But he couldn't lay the blame completely on the pills. He knew they had just magnified something that was already there deep down; something that had always scared him about this war. He had done it again. He had become a human weapon and instead of fighting with no thought for his own safety, he fought for the enjoyment of it... the satisfaction of revenge and to watch someone die at his hands.

He ended up faking it. He knew he could have left the infirmary early, that he was fine; his only pains coming from his nose and his side. Even Dr. Knox would have approved though would have been hesitant; put off by of his quick recovery. But he couldn't face anyone. He could barely face himself. If he couldn't do that he for sure couldn't face anyone else, especially knowing the damage he had caused to the morale of the two troops.

It made him even more grateful that Havoc was there for him. As always he was his usual observant self and knew Edward was depressed about something but didn't press him. This was not the time to force Edward into anything. He had been through a lot. He needed time to rest and sort out his thoughts. But Edward knew he couldn't hide forever.

It had been a week since the fort was taken and Edward finally emerged. He was welcomed back by his battalion with warm handshakes and relieved smiles. It lifted his spirits some and his guilt was eased seeing the many faces of the men whose lives he potentially saved. He told himself to get over it; this was war and he was going to do things that he would not be proud of. He was frustrated with his stubbornness for not getting it once and for all.

Lin didn't appear and he didn't expect the Prince too. He still had some pent up anger and resentment towards his friend. He had hoped it was the pills that had created those feelings but everything was long out of his system and it was still there. He would talk to Lin later. He was in no hurry and there wasn't a need to be in one.

His battalion was camped on the edge of the forest across the valley from the fort. The fort wasn't ready for occupation just yet and Edward was in no rush to go back in. Locke understood. Instead of calling for Edward after he was released from the care of Dr. Knox, Locke came to him. The Brigadier General had moved a small staff to direct operations and repairs, turning the fort into a temporary headquarters to start planning the assault on Plattsburgh. Edward knew it would be a while before he was needed.

Two days later he felt even better. Getting back into the normal routine of military life was comforting. He was playing cards with Havoc. The familiar campfires sprang up to keep the spring chill away. He was trying to enjoy a little whiskey - something easier to handle than Guo - without Knox seeing, who kept passing by, watching him carefully throughout the night. He knew to take it easy for now. But he got a little carried away though and knew he was done for the night when he nearly fell over sideways into the fire he was sitting next to. After that he took himself and his singed jacket back to his tent.

He stumbled in and cursed after nearly tripping over his own feet. He was in the process of unbuttoning his jacket when he looked over at his cot and saw Ran Fan sitting there.

"Am I going to end up sleeping on the ground again?" He asked annoyed.

"If that's alright," Ran Fan said.

"How come you're not with Lin?"

"I can't right now..." was all she would say.

Edward sighed; too drunk and tired to care or offer any sympathy. He went over to his pack for his overcoat. He struggled with the coat. It was caught on something and Ran Fan came over to help. She spread his coat out and he settled down on it. As Ran Fan stood to head for his cot he grabbed her by the arm pulling her close.

"Thank you," he said looking deep into her dark eyes.

"You smell like that disgusting alcohol." She looked back without embarrassment.

"I don't care," he said seeing that Ran Fan was very pretty. He pulled her even closer and kissed her. He was mildly surprised she didn't hit him. Instead she just went along, kissing him back.

Edward knew he shouldn't be doing this. It would just create even more complications; he wasn't that drunk to not understand that. But he didn't care. Like Ran Fan he didn't want to be alone and he remembered how she had been with him while he was in that cold Drachman cell. He also remembered that he never would have been there if it hadn't been for Lin's suggestion. He knew it was petty and childish to get back at Lin in this way but Ran Fan's warm, willing body and kisses pushed any doubts aside. She leaned back and pulled off the dark, heavy top she always wore, revealing a black tank top underneath hugging lean muscles that Edward couldn't resist.

It was obvious why they were both doing this. They cared for each other but certainly not in that way. It was all hormones and a way to get back at a certain someone.

As things began to get intense Edward felt a sharp stab of pain that made him yelp and pull away, clutching at his still sensitive nose which then just made it hurt even more. Ran Fan gasped and as she backed away she pushed herself off against Edward's sore side and he yelped again.

"I'm so sorry," she said looking at him with frightened eyes as he lay on his side, curled up. "Are you okay?"

Edward just nodded and waited for the pain to subside. When the sharp sting faded he relaxed and laughed.

"I don't think that was a very good idea," he said feeling embarrassed now as the heat of the moment faded and he could think clearly.

"I think you're right," Ran Fan agreed with a sheepish smile.

"You don't have to leave," Edward said still wanting her company.

"But its best I stick with the cot," she added, understanding and looking like she completely approved.

Ran Fan retrieved her top and pulled it back on. She turned the lantern down and settled down on the cot. Edward stretched out on his back, better that way so he wouldn't hurt his nose or his side. He was just comfortable enough and ready to close his eyes when he felt his right arm lifted. He looked and saw a glint of metal. Ran Fan was holding his hand. He smiled and closed his eyes.

When Edward woke up the next morning Ran Fan was gone. He was glad she wasn't there. Seeing her in the morning would have been awkward, though they had both been in agreement of the way the evening ended. He laid there on his back trying to motivate himself to wake up while trying not to think too deeply into last night, though he couldn't help but remember what a good kisser Ran Fan was. He had to force himself to forget because it only tempted him and he knew if they'd gone further than they did it would have gotten him into a deeper mess than he was already in. He didn't need the complications when he had a split battalion to deal with. He sighed wishing he didn't have to get up when he began to hear strange clanging sounds. Curiosity soon got him up to see what it was. Washing his face and rinsing his mouth out, he straightened his uniform and stepped out of the tent.

Following the sounds eventually took him where Lin's camp was where he found the Prince surrounded by his warriors in black. Each one carried a sword, slimmer than the one he had seen Lin use before. He stopped several yards away to watch as Lin sparred with a different warrior. A crowd of his own officers and enlisted men had followed the sounds too and gathered around him, watching with curiosity. It took Lin a while to realize he had an audience. He looked over the crowd and spotted Edward.

"Hey, Ed," he said jovially. "Wanna try?"

Edward didn't but Lin had him on the spot. His men were watching him, grinning, encouraging him to go ahead. He'd fought often with the blade he created from his automail but he never fought with the proper form or grace as Lin demonstrated with his warriors. He wasn't exactly a trained sword fighter. But he understood this as a chance to perhaps patch things up between the two troops; to show he and Lin were on good terms with a friendly sparring match. He looked around and was glad Havoc wasn't around. The Lieutenant likely wouldn't approve.

"Alright," Edward said stepping forward, getting nods of approval and more encouragement to kick the Xing Prince's ass from his men.

Lin said something to one of his warriors and took the man's sword. He met Edward halfway and handed the borrowed sword to him.

"No alchemy," Lin said.

"Is that the only rule?" Edward asked suspiciously.

"Whoever asks for mercy first is the loser," Lin said seriously.

"Sounds good to me," Edward said just as seriously with narrowed eyes, thinking this match may not be as friendly as he thought it would be.

Lin smiled and stepped back, his sword held at the ready. Edward didn't return the smile and steadied himself to focus and gripped his sword, imitating Lin's stance, not knowing how to wield the slim, beautiful blade. Just as he readied himself Lin attacked. He managed to deflect the blow, the weapon vibrating in his hands. He didn't have a chance to attack Lin when the Prince came at him again.

He could see he was right; Lin was actually serious about this fight. He pulled back not wanting to deal Edward a fatal blow but he kept up a persistent stream of strikes and all Edward could do was parry to protect himself. It went on like this for several minutes, his left hand becoming numb, his breathing labored. He eventually lost his grip and Lin twisted his sword and Edward felt his own sword pulled away. It landed several feet away and Lin knocked his feet from under him and he landed on his back, hard, the breath knocked out of him. Lin came forward and pointed the sword at his neck.

"Don't ever touch Ran Fan again," Lin said dangerously, dark eyes flashing with jealousy, keeping his voice low for only Edward to hear.

Edward looked beyond the blade of the sword, fuming. Sure, he did technically touch Ran Fan but he knew what Lin meant and he resented it. _That's none of his damn business and h__ow dare he assume we did anything and how dare he try to push his weight around?! He's not Emperor yet!_

It was not an easy process to forget that Lin was off gallivanting around the fort while he endured the pain and humiliation at the Drachman's hands. He really didn't care that he had agreed with the plan but that wasn't the point here in Edward's mind. He was never one to treat Lin differently because he was a Prince and he wasn't going to start now. He knew he could just end it now; that all he had to do was open his mouth and explain nothing happened between him and Ran Fan. But there was more to this show of strength than just a jealous Lin and he had to fight back; it was never in him to lie down and accept defeat.

An evil smile spread as he grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it into Lin's face. Lin stumbled back, momentarily blinded. As he tried to rub the dirt out Edward rolled over, sweeping his leg through Lin's and knocking him over. Edward scrambled over to Lin - who was picking himself up - and twisted his arm around his back and took the sword; holding the blade to his throat. "Don't manipulate me again," he said just as dangerously.

Lin looked sideways at Edward, breathing hard; angry that he had been bested. He then looked around and saw his and Edward's men gathered around, watching them carefully to see how this battle of wills would finally end. It took him a moment to calm down then he smiled. "It's a deal."

Edward threw the sword aside and extended a hand to Lin who accepted and stood up.

"I didn't ask to be part of some love triangle," Edward complained amidst the cheering of his men.

Lin laughed. "I know I wasn't meant to know but I had a feeling something would happen. But she is free to do what she wants, I guess."

"Well, I hate to break it to you but nothing happened."

Lin turned bright red with embarrassment. "Oh," he said simply.

Angry that was the only kind of apology it looked like he'd get, Edward turned and left. "Everyone, clear out!" He barked. "Shows over!"

As his men started to go about their business and he headed back to camp with them, Lin appeared beside him.

"I'm sorry, Ed," he said really looking like he was. "I shouldn't have assumed."

Edward kept walking, staring straight ahead; ignoring him.

"And I'm sorry for suggesting you turn yourself into the Drachmans. I knew you'd have a hard time in there but I didn't realize just how bad."

Edward stopped and sighed. "I'm sorry for attacking you in the cell."

"I had it coming."

"And I'm sorry for kissing Ran Fan."

"What?!" Lin exclaimed, his eyes flashing with jealousy again. "You said...!"

"I know what you were getting at," Edward said looking slightly embarrassed, wishing now he hadn't admitted to the kiss. "But it was just a kiss. Nothing else happened and nothing will."

Lin didn't look like he was completely convinced but soon he relaxed, returning to his normal, casual self. "You know, you're the only one worthy enough for Ran Fan. She needed someone and I'm glad you were there for her. I haven't been."

"And what about you?"

Lin sighed. "I'm a Prince; there are certain things I must deal with alone. There will be harder choices for me to make as Emperor. I just consider this the first of many."

"But how can you marry someone you don't love? Especially with Ran Fan always close."

"Sacrifices must be made to reach a goal," Lin said though it looked like he was trying to convince himself more than Edward.

"Yeah, I guess," Edward agreed understanding all too well.

"Anyways, it doesn't mean I won't fall in love with my bride to be eventually. Ran Fan and I are young. We'll get over each other and move on. That's life."

They walked along silently, each lost in their own thoughts when Havoc approached them with a smirk. "I hope you got all that teenage angst and jealousy out of your system."

Lin and Edward scowled at the Lieutenant.

"This better be important," Edward said, annoyed. "I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm."

"Yes, sir," Havoc said saluting then handed Edward a piece of paper.

"What's this?" Edward asked unfolding it to read.

"Orders from the Fuhrer."

"Oh, shit," Edward breathed as he unfolded the paper dreading to read its contents. When he was done reading through his orders he looked up. "He wants me in Central as soon as possible."

"Good," Lin said then added under his breath. "Then maybe you'll forget about a certain bodyguard of mine."

"Gladly," Edward said. "But I don't know if I'm going to enjoy this very much."

"Hell, you'll be close to all the good bars, did he say if he needed me?" Havoc asked.

"No," Edward smirked. "Looks like after I get yelled at I can cheer myself up, alone... or maybe not," he hinted.

"I'm all for that," Lin said slapping Edward on the back.

"I hate the military," Havoc grumbled walking away.

"You haven't been dismissed, Lieutenant," Edward joked and got a half ass salute from Havoc.


	78. Chapter 78

A year and a half more of fighting and Edward could almost taste the end of it. It was so close he could feel it in the air; the electricity of it ran throughout the army. Morale was high and nobody expected to lose this last push and rid Amestris of the Drachmans forever. All that was left was the Briggs mountain range. If the Drachmans were to take anything away from this invasion it would be the best ground to tower over the Amestrians and flaunt themselves. They may not have taken all of Amestris as they wanted but they would have the countries pride and joy and best border defense against their enemies.

Edward stood on a hill, smoking as he looked out over the vast Amestrian army speckled with Xing troops. He pulled the collar of his overcoat up to block the chill wind already blowing through, the cup of coffee in his hands already cold and useless. Winter was fast approaching but the army showed no signs of preparing for it. They were on a mission to end this war as soon as possible.

So much had happened and yet there was more to come. Edward figured he had been through the worse. After taking the fort that protected the Plattsburgh pass, the following year and a half had been considerably tame compared to what he had been used to; certain people had seen to that. He wasn't likely going to be allowed to be as reckless as he once was in the early years of the war. But he had learned that it wasn't always necessarily prudent to rush off and put yourself in the line of fire; though he found it hard to resist at times. It was good to sit back, plan, organize... be more like Mustang. He shuddered at that thought. He didn't want to start comparing himself to that guy but he had to admit it was a good strategy.

He continued watching the scene below him marveling at the complexities of organizing so many men and women. They looked like ants, going to and fro, delivering supplies, messages, being put through drills by merciless Sergeants, marching off to wherever they were needed most. He shook his head hardly believing it was possible to get so many people to cooperate. But he knew that they did so because their homes had been threatened and that threat needed a good swift kick in the ass to finally end this.

"It's amazing," a voice next to him breathed, voicing his very thoughts.

"Yep," Edward agreed turning to look at Lin, who was wrapped up in a warm coat as well. "This will soon be over," he added tossing the cold coffee out of the cup.

"And I can finally go home."

"Don't tell me the brave, conscience less, future Emperor of Xing is homesick," Edward teased.

Lin smirked. "Let's see how you handle being away from Amestris for so long."

"I guess we'll find out soon enough."

Edward turned around when he heard footsteps approach him from behind. Havoc saluted and motioned to the Major following him. "A messenger for you, sir."

"Yes, what is it?" Edward asked as he dismissed both men's salutes.

"The Fuhrer and General Armstrong would like to see you immediately, sir." The Major said.

"Well, can't keep her highness from her castle for too long," Edward joked. "Lead the way, Major. Havoc, you come along too."

The Major led Edward to General Armstrong's camp. It was a flurry of activity as more preparations were being made as orders and messages were delivered. He was led to a large tent where more staff officers came in and out. The Major held a tent flap open for Edward who went in, Havoc taking his place outside to wait patiently.

Edward's eyes did a quick take of the interior, noting Mustang near the back going over something with Riza Hawkeye. Directly in front of him was a table with General Olivier Armstrong standing on the other side of it with Miles, the half Ishbalan standing next to her. He approached the blond, woman, amazed how little she changed over the past four years. With Mustang it was obvious, the deepening of frown lines and the graying of his dark hair; but not Olivier Armstrong. Edward was sure it had something to do with the Armstrong gene that had been passed down for generations and it was something the Armstrong family was proud of.

"What's this?" General Armstrong said looking over Edward as he approached, taking a place opposite her and saluted, the General acknowledging it. "You were just a scared baby officer the last time I saw you."

"All babies grow up to be men," Edward said with a cocky grin. It had been a while since he'd last seen the General. Throughout the war she was mostly directing operations out of Central. Now that they were so close to Briggs she had staked her claim.

He knew he should be offended by her comment but he took it as a compliment, especially when he was much taller than General Armstrong. He was no longer a child and the last time Olivier Armstrong had seen him that was all he really was at the time; a scared, stubborn child, pretending to be a man who thought he knew what was best and could take care of himself. He was still stubborn, but he was no longer a child or scared. The war had finally beaten out that last one from him. He had helped to defeat nearly indestructible homunculus and they now had the Drachman army at the borders of Amestris. Edward felt there was nothing he couldn't do. This could very well be the last battle and he would be facing it with the best of the army and never felt more confident before in his life.

"It's good to see you looking well, Colonel Elric," Armstrong added, appraising him and actually letting a small smile crack her cold demeanor.

"And you, General," Edward said with a bow, getting a scowl from her over his teasing.

"I'm not one of your hussies, Colonel," she growled. "I'm not so easily impressed by your fake gallantry."

"Perhaps if I offered your palace on a silver platter you might."

"Why you cheeky bastard...," Armstrong fumed.

"Colonel Elric," Lieutenant Colonel Miles said saluting, diffusing his commanding officer's temper, then reached out to shake hands with Edward, who returned the salute and then took his hand for the friendly shake.

"Alright, Fullmetal, stop flirting with your commanding officers," Mustang said moving in between Armstrong and Miles, Olivier red with anger. He placed a map on the table then looked around. "Where are Colonel Armstrong and Locke?"

"Right here, sir," the deep voice of Alex Louis Armstrong answered as he entered the tent followed by Brigadier General Locke. They took their place around the table, Alex giving Edward a little playful nudge, which nearly knocked him across the tent. Edward straightened himself, trying to be dignified as Olivier gloated at him from across the table.

"Good, let's get this meeting started. Congratulations, Fullmetal, it's time to let you off your leash now."

"Bow wow," Edward responded. Armstrong and Locke glared at him for his impudence but Mustang let it pass and tried not to smile, understanding the joke.

"Since you enjoy playing with the Drachmans so much," Mustang continued getting an eye roll from Edward, "you and Colonel Armstrong are going to flank the fort on each side and get around to the back. Fullmetal, you'll come from the west, Strong Arm from the east," he said pointing to each spot on the map. "There's a pass that Briggs protected. It's the only way through the mountains from Drachma to the fort. I want that pass blocked, preferably with a new mountain range. Here are copies of geological surveys," Mustang said receiving a couple sheets of paper from Riza Hawkeye, and then handed them to Edward and the Strong Arm Alchemist. "Take a small team with you, along with any other alchemists to assist; the stronger this new range is the better. Then come back and we sit and wait for the Drachmans to surrender. They won't be able to last long through the winter when we cut off their only route to Drachma. Their supplies will run out quickly with the number of men they have holed up in there."

"Also," General Armstrong added, "when my men pulled out of Briggs they left the place completely unlivable and the destroyed generators are beyond their repair skills. Drachman generators would have been impossible to use so their only source of power would come from Drachma."

"Sounds simple enough," Edward said looking over the geological survey then back at the map to get his bearings.

"If you need anything else," Mustang said. "Just see Major Hawkeye. She'll provide you with whatever you need. Any questions?"

"No, sir," Edward and Alex said in unison.

"Good, you're dismissed," Mustang said.

Edward saluted and turned to leave, anxious to get his team together. The rest of the officers moved to the tent opening to watch him leave.

"He's left me speechless," Lieutenant Colonel Miles said as Edward walked away, issuing a stream of orders to Captain Havoc.

"Me too," General Armstrong said watching Edward as well. "I feel like I should be saluting him first and taking orders from him."

"He does carry himself like a General," Miles agreed. "Takes one to know one," he said looking at Olivier pointedly.

"I don't see it," Mustang said petulantly.

"What's wrong, Fuhrer?" Armstrong said, looking at him sideways. "You don't like your own pup nipping at your heels?"

"He's hardly a pup," Locke said.

"No, he's not," the Strong Arm alchemist agreed as he came to stand alongside everyone else, towering over them.

"Alex!" His sister yelled turning on him. "What the hell are you still doing here?! Don't you have your own team to get ready?!"

"Yes, sister," Alex apologized saluting and as he left Olivier booted him in the ass.

"Hustle, boy! And don't call me sister!"

"Yes, General."

"Olivier, it doesn't help if you abuse our officers," Mustang said moving back into the tent. "It's not good for morale."

General Armstrong smirked after her brother and followed Mustang into the tent. Miles and Locke did so after waiting a few heartbeats, not wanting to be the next target of the woman's volatile temper.


	79. Chapter 79

The task was simple enough but still took time. Edward and Armstrong each took three other alchemists with them after coordinating where they would start and what type of transmutation circles to use. It was a lot of mountain to move and with the bitter cold sapping their energy it took nearly two weeks to complete. They were fortunate that the snow hadn't come yet.

Each alchemist had gone out with a Xing warrior to protect them. The work could have gone faster but they had to move around a lot. They had to avoid the Drachman patrols that were sent out to find them when they discovered that their only supply – and escape - route to Drachma was slowly shrinking away.

When it was done Edward sat back to admire his and the Strong Arm Alchemists creation. It was amazing really. A whole new mountain range, complete with deadly crags and sheer drops that made it impossible to pass. He also enjoyed Armstrong's signature piece. He was always skeptical of the overly muscular man's taste but liked the sculptured self image left in plain view of the Drachmans to observe from the Briggs stronghold.

Edward left a little signature piece as well.

It wasn't as garish as Armstrong's. It was meant to end this war once and for all with no hope for the Drachmans. If they were to somehow manage their way through the new mountain range, they would still be stuck. Behind the new range was a canyon that was half a mile wide and stretched out to the west and east for two miles. Edward knew that once the Drachmans surrendered he would have to go back and create a way for them to leave… but he didn't concern himself too much with that detail at the time.

Havoc had been posted as a look out and had a clear view of the Drachmans posted at the top of Briggs. Edward wished he could have seen their reactions but had to amuse himself with Havoc's – though very entertaining - account. It's not everyday you get to see a whole mountain range form before your eyes.

It didn't end in a great, full scale, all out battle. In a way it was a reflection of Roy Mustang's rise to power; to sit back and wait, which is what they did until the Drachmans admitted defeat. It didn't take long, not with the full force of the northern winter beginning to barrage the fort that had no power or supplies and the entire Amestrian army slowly pushing them into a corner with nowhere left to go.

As he stood just off to Mustangs right and a step back - watching the Drachman commander coming out of Briggs to declare his official surrender - Edward felt a rush of giddiness knowing it was all over.

He was amazed by it all. He hadn't lost himself completely. He was still Edward Elric. He had changed, it was true, but he still maintained a bit of himself that he was sure he wouldn't scare Al when he saw him again. The things he had seen and done would always be with him. He was sure the nightmares would continue but if it was him having the nightmares and not every citizen of Amestris then it was a small price to pay, especially if Al and his fiancée were able to live peacefully.

He walked along the ramparts of what was left of Briggs. It would take years to rebuild the stronghold but that didn't matter. It was back in the Amestrian military's hands now and Edward savored every minute of it. Drachma had been driven out and General Armstrong had regained her beloved stronghold. Edward approached her as she sat alone, the frigid wind blowing her long blond hair about her. He could see that she, too, was enjoying the feel of victory.

"General Armstrong," Edward said saluting. "Mind if I join you?"

"Permission granted, Fullmetal," she said with a smile, still looking out at the snow capped mountains.

"How does it feel to be back where you belong?" Edward asked sitting next to her, lighting a cigarette.

Armstrong took a deep breath of the cool mountain air. She looked so serene; Edward thought he was looking at a completely different woman. "It feels like I'm home now," she finally said. She turned to look at him. "I've heard you're going on an extended tour of Xing, Colonel."

"No rest for a soldier of Amestris," Edward said thinking of his next mission to assist Lin with his succession war. He was exhausted – physically and mentally - and would have liked some time off but orders were orders, though officially not given yet. Plus, Lin was anxious to return home as soon as possible. _Spoiled Prince_, Edward thought with a smirk.

"It'll be worth it," Armstrong said looking back out to the north. "If we help Lin Fao become Emperor it will create a strong alliance between our two countries. But are you sure you want to do this, Ed? Wouldn't you like to resign and take it easy for once like Brigadier General Locke?"

"And do what?" Edward snorted. "No, I'm in this for life. As long as we keep the military on the right path, it'll be alright." _I hope_, he thought, hoping he wasn't making a mistake by staying.

"Ed!"

Edward turned towards the voice that had just called out his name. It was a familiar voice he hadn't heard in so long. His face lit up and his mouth stretched into a smile when he saw his younger brother rushing towards him. He threw his cigarette aside, got up and ran to Al. They crashed into each other and held on in a tight embrace.

They stood there for a minute, or two; Edward lost count but he didn't care. He was so happy to see his brother it didn't bother him at all if anyone saw him, an officer, hugging his younger brother.

Al finally pulled back to get a good look at his older brother. "You've gotten even taller!" He exclaimed with tears in his eyes.

"So have you," Edward noted trying to hold back his own. It had been so long since he last seen Al; nearly three years he realized as he hugged his brother again. "What are you doing here?"

Al laughed and Edward realized how much he had missed his younger brother's good natured chuckles. He felt whole having Al so close; it was hard to let him go.

"I came to get you before you left for Xing," Al explained. "I had to make sure I saw you first."

"How did you know about that?" Edward asked as he finally released Al to look at him. "It hasn't been finalized yet."

"Didn't you know I'm in the confidence of the Fuhrer?" Al asked joking.

"You've been keeping tabs on me, haven't you?" Edward accused.

"A little," his younger brother confirmed, looking a little sheepish. "Mustang told me I could always ask him for anything so I took advantage of it. I need my brother beside me when I get married."

"When?" Edward asked surprised. He knew Al had proposed to Gloria long ago, he just didn't know they had set a wedding date.

"As soon as we get back to Central. Gloria is there now with her family making the arrangements. When the rumor spread that Amestris would likely send troops to aid the twelfth Prince of Xing I knew you'd be sent away." Al explained looking a little sad that he would be losing his brother again but trying hard not to show it.

"I'm so sorry, Al," Edward said feeling like a failure as a brother. Three years without seeing his brother and now he was off to another country for who knew how long.

"Its okay, Brother. I'll miss you but I've prepared myself for this knowing you'd stay in the military."

"You know me too well."

"I do, you've always been predictable," Al teased.

"So when do we leave for Central?" Edward asked suddenly eager to leave the cold of the north and enjoy some time off before heading to Xing.

"Today," Al said producing from his inside coat pocket Edward's order for a furlough, neatly folded in a sealed envelope.

"What about, Jean? Is he invited to the wedding too?" Edward asked, not wanting to leave out his Captain who had stood by him throughout the war and deserved some time off as well. If Edward was going to Xing, he would be dragged along as well.

"Of course," Al said handing over Havoc's orders. "You've written so much about him I feel like he's part of the family."

"He practically is," Edward agreed. "But don't tell him just yet. I want to have a little fun with him."

"Brother, that's not very nice," Al chided.

"Since when have I been nice?" Edward said with a wicked gleam in his eye.

Al wouldn't let Edward tease the poor Captain and he didn't pout for too long. He was too excited about the freedom he had to let it bring him down. He enjoyed the train ride back to Central with his brother. Havoc left them alone, knowing the two brothers had a lot of catching up to do and needed as much time together before they were separated again.

Edward felt like he was a teenager again, having his brother tagging along for some mindless mission Mustang had sent him on. They played cards - only after Al checked Edward's sleeves - and compared notes on their recent alchemical discoveries. What made the trip even better was the fact they were able to travel freely; that there were no sounds of thundering enemy artillery and Edward wasn't off to face an army of Drachmans. Amestris was as it should be and his brother was getting married.

Edward could hardly believe the last part; Al a husband in just a few days. He had matured so much over the last three years; it saddened Edward that he had missed it. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised by his brother wanting to commit to someone while he was still young. He understood Al wanted a family. They had been alone for so long, it was only natural that Al didn't want to be alone anymore, especially after being confined to a cold suit of armor and his older brother off fighting a war for the past four years. He wouldn't be there for his younger brother much longer, not when he would be leaving for Xing.

Edward tried not to feel guilty about it. Al understood and didn't hold it against him. It gave him comfort to go ahead and continue on the path he had chosen. In the meantime, he would push aside his guilt and soak up the time he did have with Al.


	80. Chapter 80

Edward wished his mother were alive to see her youngest son getting married. He knew she would have been so proud. He certainly was.

As he stood off to Al's right, he thought about how all this might never had happened; that if he hadn't sacrificed Kimbley for Al, that his soul would have eventually returned to his body in the gate, lost forever. He shook his head, ridding himself of those horrifying could-have-been thoughts. Here and now, Al was saying his vows and that was all that mattered. He should be happy; and he was.

Edward's heart swelled with joy as he watched his brother. If anyone deserved this it was Al. He was the kindest, gentlest, most forgiving person and Edward knew he would also be the best husband and father. Obviously, since Gloria was marrying him. Edward also noted how Gloria looked like she approved of Al in his tuxedo; he did look very handsome and debonair but not too over the top. Al too couldn't keep his eyes off of Gloria in her simple, white, silk gown. The two of them made a beautiful couple.

Edward tried to focus on the ceremony without crying in front of everyone from joy or fidgeting with his suit and tie. He was glad he wasn't expected to wear a dress uniform. He didn't want to take attention away from Al and his uniform would only remind him how little time he would have with his brother. But he wasn't used to the suit he was wearing and the judge seemed to be taking an awfully long time with the ceremony. To keep from tugging at the tie he looked back - trying not to be obvious - at the small group of guests.

Behind Gloria and her maid of honor – who happened to be her little sister – sat their father, mother and older brother - also on leave for his little sister's wedding – who all sat, looking on with approval. Who wouldn't approve of Al joining their family? Pinako was there too, sitting with a small smile, Winry beside her with Henri. She was clutching his hand tight and there were tears in her eyes, as Edward expected. Izumi and Sig were there as well. The large man sat, looking intimidating as usual – a little odd all dressed up - and Izumi beaming like a proud mother and Edward knew she had every right to. Havoc looked like he'd have a fit if he didn't have a cigarette soon but at least he seemed more at ease out of his uniform.

As Gloria went on with her vows Edward looked back again. In the very back, hidden in the shadows of a hallway that led to the small hotel's lobby, he spied a tall figure standing there. He looked away then looked back again curious and the figure was still there. Whoever it was shifted and light reflected off of glasses and Edward's eyes went wide and he looked back at Al quickly, knowing who it was.

He should have known Al would have invited that man; he was always more forgiving of their father. But Edward didn't want to look at him or talk to him. He hoped the bastard stayed in the shadows and disappeared soon. _It's what he's best at_, Edward thought bitterly but once again he shook the negative thoughts out of his head. He was no better. He would be disappearing soon too and this was Al's day, not his; he wouldn't spoil it for his brother, he could be civil if he had to towards Hohenheim. But he hoped he wouldn't be forced into facing him.

Edward made himself forget their father, lurking in the shadows. He did eventually when the ceremony was over and the wedding guests rushed up with hugs and congratulations. The wedding party moved out to a back patio where pictures were taken while the hotel workers rearranged the room for dinner and dancing. When the room was ready everyone made their way back in and sat at a long table chatting. Al and Gloria followed but didn't sit down right away. Edward watched them make their way to the hallway. Nobody else seemed to notice and Edward thought he had an idea who they were going to see.

"Where are they going?" Havoc asked. Edward wasn't the only who noticed after all.

"Al's probably introducing Gloria to her good-for-nothing father-in-law."

"Really?" Havoc said craning his neck to look down the dark hallway but it was empty now. Edward never talked about his father and he was always curious about the man. "How come you're not going to see him?"

"I'd rather eat shit," Edward grumbled draining his glass of champagne.

"So it's a touchy subject," Havoc said with a smirk.

"One I'd rather not talk about, _Captain_."

"You know I'll get the story out of you. We have a long trip ahead of us into Xing. We'll need something to talk about."

Edward sighed heavily because he knew it was true.

"So do you think your cute friend's boyfriend would get mad if I asked her to dance?" Havoc asked indicating Winry.

"Go ahead," Edward said, his turn to smirk. "See how far you get before you get a wrench in the mouth."

"I'll pass," Havoc said looking disappointed. "We're going to have to find something to do when this is over. I'm not leaving Central without enjoying myself first."

"So my brother's wedding isn't good enough for you?" Edward asked with mock insult.

"Hey, I'm very happy for Al but it is a bit depressing when you're at a wedding without a date."

"Well, you're on your own. I'm taking it easy tonight."

"Sure you are," the Captain said finishing off his champagne.

Suddenly there were a couple of loud popping sounds. Edward and Havoc flinched, both tense in anticipation as they searched the room for the source of the noise. Off to their right, on the other side of the room, two waiters had just opened two more bottles of champagne. Finally they both relaxed.

"It's going to be hard to adjust," Havoc said quietly.

"Yeah," Edward said looking away, embarrassed that he reacted when he knew perfectly well the war was over and they were no where near any danger. But he knew that's how it would be for a while.

Al and Gloria returned and dinner was served. After that there was the traditional first dance for the bride and groom that led the way for the guests to get up. Winry danced a couple of times with Henri then dragged Edward out to dust off his dormant skills on the dance floor, Havoc glaring at him the entire time.

As Edward danced with Winry, she somehow led him away from the main group and stopped him in front of one of the waitresses that were serving drinks to the wedding party.

"I have a boyfriend," Winry said with a wink. "No sense taking up all the single men here," then she left him alone.

The waitress was blushing but smiling appreciatively at Edward who did the gentlemanly thing. He bowed and asked her to dance. Another waitress took her empty tray and pushed her forward. Edward took her hand and with a little flourish, spun her onto the dance floor. He was showing off of course and did it more to irritate Havoc who was still sitting alone, rolling his eyes.

The small reception ended around eleven. Al and Gloria seemed anxious for some time alone. After thanking their guests and saying good night they quickly retired to their room upstairs. The rest of the guests then went their separate ways. Winry and Henri went for a stroll through Central while the older guests decided to call it a night.

Edward ended up waiting for the waitress he danced with to get off her shift. The innocence of Al and Gloria's wedding made an impression on Edward and he behaved himself. He was usually well behaved no matter what but he didn't get too flirty as they walked along the dark streets, talking. When they found a quiet restaurant that was open late they stopped to get a small bite and a couple of drinks, Edward restraining himself from drinking too much.

After that they walked around again and talked some more. Edward found he liked this better than always getting roaring drunk and finding himself stumbling from some woman's room. But he couldn't help feeling like he was out of place; that he didn't deserve to be with such a nice, innocent young woman.

He eventually walked her home and it was almost three in the morning when he returned to the hotel. He just got his room unlocked when he heard a quiet voice to his left.

"Hey, Ed."

Edward looked over and saw a tired looking Al descending the steps from the top floor of the hotel, dressed in comfortable clothes and a heavy coat.

"Hey, Al." Edward said. "Late night?"

Al blushed and Edward couldn't help but smirk over his brother's embarrassment but tried not to let it show.

"Uh, yeah," Al said as he ran his hand over the back of his head. "I couldn't sleep though. I have a lot on my mind."

"I can imagine," Edward said.

"Do you want to take a walk with me? Or are you too tired?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm used to not getting enough sleep."

They went down the hallway together then out the hotel into the cold Central night.

"Wow," Edward breathed in awe. "You're married now," he continued nudging Al in the side with his elbow.

"I know. It's a little hard to believe, though I've imagined it often enough. But I am so happy and a bit relieved."

"I can tell," Edward joked. "And I'm happy for you too. Next, you'll be a father..."

Al blushed again. "Yes," he said. "I have to admit I hope it happens soon. I'm looking forward to being a dad."

"You'll be a great dad," Edward said smiling. "Much better and more responsible than our own," he added sounding resentful, though not meaning to.

"Ed, please, don't give him such a hard time. We all make mistakes. You should be more forgiving."

"I know," Edward said feeling ashamed, considering how much he had been forgiven for.

"Exactly when do you leave for Xing?" Al asked changing subjects, pulling his coat around him to keep out the cold.

"The spoiled Prince is anxious to get back. I'm sure it'll be as soon as all the festivities that are planned are over. Mustang will be returning to Central tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you in a dress uniform at the parade," Al said. "And to see how many metals you get."

"You're probably the only one. The whole thing is ridiculous," Edward complained. "I'm going to look like a fool."

"No it's not, Brother. You should be proud. You and the whole military fought hard for Amestris. The whole country is grateful and they want to show their appreciation."

"I guess," Edward said sadly, looking downhearted.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Al asked stopping and turning to face Edward, placing a concerned hand on his arm.

"Nothing," Edward said not wanting to trouble Al with his issues. His brother just got married; he had more important things to worry about. Edward didn't want to put a damper on the joyous occasion but as they were walking along he was suddenly overwhelmed with the events from the last four years.

"Tell me," Al insisted with concerned eyes.

"No, Al, not now. Not when you're so happy."

"Ed, I won't be completely happy until you are."

Edward sighed. "I just wonder if I'll be happy like you are with Gloria; if I'll be able to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I feel like I'm damaged, that nobody in their right mind will want to deal with me. And the upcoming parade and ceremony…" he sighed again. "I don't feel like a hero. There was a lot of stuff I did and I don't feel like I should be honored. I don't feel like I should be near anyone; that I don't belong somehow."

Al stepped closer and put his arms around Edward. He slumped against Al and buried his face in his brother's shoulder. He could feel himself starting to breakdown, the tears beginning to sting his eyes and tried to hold them back.

When he felt he had control over his emotions he pulled away. "I'm sorry, Al. Just ignore what I just said. I don't want to spoil anything for you."

"When will you learn," Al said shaking his head. "I want you to talk to me. If it helps you to feel just a little bit better then it makes me happy. You've been through a lot and it'll take time to sort through it all. You don't have to rush it."

"I know. It's just overwhelming sometimes."

"It is," Al agreed. "You're strong; you'll find a way through this. You've never let anything beat you before."

"True," he agreed with a lopsided grin.

He looked at Al and thought that even though he looked tired and still looked concerned for Edward, under it all he was happy and if anyone deserved to be happy, it was Al. In Edward's eyes, he'd been the one who had been through the worse; his body trapped in the gate all those years, his spirit trapped alone in an empty armor. Edward smiled. He wouldn't worry or cry over himself anymore. He would work hard to ensure Al remained happy.

"Hey, do me a favor?" Edward asked as they turned to head back to the hotel.

"What's that?"

"When you have a son, name him after me."

"You know you didn't have to ask that. Gloria's already agreed to it."

"Well, I just want a guarantee. Your world famous patience may run out and you could end up disowning me as your brother."

Al laughed. "Alright, you have my word. But you know that will never happen."

"I know," Edward said looking at his brother gratefully.


	81. Chapter 81

"In the name of the Amestrian Military, this Medal of Valor is awarded to Colonel Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, for distinguishing himself with gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in action against the enemy of Amestris."

Mustang pinned the medal to Edward's chest. He was so relieved the Fuhrer didn't give him a smug look. Instead Mustang maintained the same stony expression that was there for everyone else who had received a medal that day.

Edward stepped back and saluted, stiff, tall and straight. It was the proper, by-the-book salute, reserved for occasions such as this. He had Havoc show him earlier that morning then practiced until he got it right without having to look in the mirror. To salute a superior officer was second nature to him now. But the precise line and angle of his arm had to be done just right, especially in front of so many people who were there to see the grandeur of the mighty military.

His heart wasn't in it though but he tried to act like it was. He saw a look of concern reflected in Mustang's eyes; it was obvious to him something was on the Fullmetal Alchemist's mind.

Edward was still finding it hard to accept this ceremony and being treated as a hero. He wanted to feel proud; knew there was nothing wrong with it but he couldn't find it in himself. But the moment of silence that started the ceremony for the fallen soldiers, and then each name read off before the unveiling of the memorial statue in their honor; it just depressed Edward. He knew too many of the fallen. They had died honorably and had done their duty knowing this could happen. He wouldn't let it drag him down; he knew the men who had died wouldn't want that from him or anyone else. Also, if Mustang noticed his moodiness, then Havoc and his brother would too and he wasn't going to burden anyone else with it.

He walked off the stage, back where his own officers were standing and cleared his mind. He reminded himself he should be grateful it was all over; that the loss of so many men would not happen again. That is, until he went to Xing but he had a feeling that would be nowhere near the devastation the war with Drachma caused.

After the ceremony and parade he was finally let loose. He found Al and Gloria, along with everyone else who had been in attendance for their wedding. They admired Edward in his dress uniform and teased him a bit. Having his family there helped lift his spirits. There was a cause for celebration. There was a lot of rebuilding to do for Amestris but at least it could be done without the threat of neighboring countries trying to invade or creepy homunculi trying to kill everyone. He wouldn't worry about his next mission into Xing. He would celebrate and take the time to enjoy the peace he had fought for until then.

However, all good things must come to an end for a soldier of Amestris. Two days later he was saying his good byes as one by one, Al, Gloria, Winry, Henri, Izumi and Sig each got on their separate trains to return home. The time for celebrating was over; at least for him. He would miss them all but there wasn't much time to think about it when he was immediately called to meet with the Fuhrer. It was back to business.

"Hello, Fullmetal," Mustang said, sitting back in his chair, smiling with that smug look on his face when Edward entered and saluted. "I'm sure you know what this is about."

"My official orders to go to Xing."

"No orders. I'm giving you a choice again."

"Like you offered me much of a choice in the first place," Edward said glaring at Mustang, understanding how he was manipulated four years ago and likely now.

Mustang's smug look just got worse. He pushed his chair back and opened up a top drawer in his desk, taking out two sheets of paper and laying them flat on his desk, side by side then sat back again in his chair.

"One is a letter of resignation," he said indicating the one on his right, "the other your official orders putting you under the command of Brigadier General Breda as his second in command, to assist Lin Yao in his bid for Emperor of Xing," he added looking to the sheet of paper to his left.

"I think you know what I'm going to choose but before I do I want a guarantee."

Mustang's eyes narrowed and the cool, calm superior look on his face turned into suspicion. "And what would that be?"

"That you no longer hold Jean responsible for me," Edward said. "In fact it should be the other way around."

"Alright," Mustang said looking relieved, probably expecting something more complicated.

"And..." Edward continued.

"And what?" Mustang said in a disapproving tone, the higher ranking officer in him not approving of a subordinate making so many requests.

"I want to be promoted to Brigadier General when I return from Xing."

"Isn't that reaching a little too high?" Mustang asked, still sounding like he disapproved but with a little amusement. "Do you really want the problems that will come with that? Not many people will like someone so young - no matter if it is well earned - receiving such a promotion."

"If that bothered me so much I never would have become a State Alchemist when I was twelve."

"We'll, see," was all the answer Mustang would allow.

"No," Edward insisted. "If I don't get a guarantee then I'll resign now."

Mustang hesitated, knowing Edward wasn't bluffing. "Fine," he grumbled, not wanting to lose his best officer. "But don't come complaining to me if you don't like the rumors this will cause."

"I've dealt with rumors before. I think you know what to do with the letter on your right," Edward said.

"Are you sure?" Mustang said picking up the resignation letter. "Do you want to think about it some more?"

"No."

Mustang smiled. His hand slipped into his pocket and reappeared with his famous white glove. He snapped his fingers under the paper, producing a small flame that leapt up; blackening the ends then quickly spreading until the fire consumed the thin sheet of paper. Mustang blew the flame out before he was burnt and his old smirk settled back once again.

"Symbolic, isn't it? You're freedom going up in flames."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm only doing this to keep you in check. I have to make sure your ego doesn't get any bigger."

"A challenge but you were always one for a challenge," the Fuhrer said as he picked up the other sheet of paper and held it out to Edward who snatched it away, glaring at Mustang. He turned to leave but heard a disapproving throat clearing. Edward, sighing as he turned around, snapped to attention and saluted.

"No, that's not what I meant," Mustang said sitting back. "You're more than entitled to leave without bothering with the proper protocols. I just wanted to talk to you about something else."

"And what's that?" Edward asked, his turn to be suspicious.

"You've gained a reputation as a good officer. You should be proud of it but you've also acquired another reputation along with it. I've ignored it at first but I think something should be said."

Edward felt a smirk forming and tried to repress it. "I don't know what you mean," he said innocently.

"Don't play dumb with me, Edward. So far it's only known within the military but it could get out."

"So," Edward said shrugging, no longer playing the innocent.

"So you don't mind tarnishing your good reputation with a footnote that you drink and sleep around."

"Not really," Edward said smirking. "If it doesn't affect my work, why should it matter?"

"Do you really want Al to find out?"

"That won't work on me, Mustang," Edward said with a bemused smile, knowing he would try it.

"Don't you think trying to get back at me is a little childish then?" Mustang asked, understanding Edward's motives.

"Yes. I don't trust leaving you in control of the military alone and it's not in me to _not_ do a good job while I'm here. You built me into this great hero. You've used me and it's not the first time and I know it won't be the last. But if I'm going to be used it'll be on my terms and I think I deserve a break from the hero role once in a while."

"Don't you think you deserve better than what you're allowing yourself?" Mustang asked with the same look of concern he had during the medal ceremony.

"Maybe," Edward said, softening his tone, "but going to Xing or staying in the military doesn't help… and yes I know it was my choice."

"You can be the most frustrating person…" Mustang began shaking his head.

"Takes one to know one," Edward said petulantly.

"You're dismissed, Colonel," Mustang said trying to hold back a smile.

Edward saluted and left the Fuhrer's office.

"Captain," Edward said approaching Havoc who was chatting with a cute secretary as he waited for his commanding officer. Havoc ended his conversation looking disappointed opened the door for Edward.

"Let me see that letter I gave you to hold," Edward said once they were out of the office and further down the hallway.

Havoc reached into his jacket pocket - knowing Edward meant the letter he had written to Al long ago, intended for his brother if he were killed in action – and handed it over.

Edward took it. Reaching into his pocket he took out his lighter and flipped it open, igniting a yellow blue flame. Holding it to the letter it caught fire. Edward held onto the letter with his right hand watching as it slowly disintegrated into ash. He could have easily rid the letter using alchemy but inspired by Mustang, this seemed a more fitting end as well; to go down in flames. He no longer feared his own death. He was confident he would survive this next mission. He may be emotionally damaged by the war but like physical scars they would heal and fade with time. He closed his hand over the remaining, smoldering corner, extinguishing it.

"You sure you want to do that," Havoc said.

"Please, this succession war will be a piece of cake," Edward said confidently.

Havoc smiled at his confidence. "It reminds me of something Hughes used to say to Mustang."

"What's that?" Edward asked curiously.

"The ruder you are, the longer you'll live."

"Funny," Edward said thoughtfully. "He said that to me too, once."

"You'll probably end up outliving us all," Havoc pointed out. "If you do, make sure I'm buried with high honors."

"How would you know the difference between that and me leaving you dead in a ditch somewhere in Xing?"

"I'm touched by how highly you think of me," Havoc said irritably. "Remember not to turn your back on me the next time we're in a sticky situation."

"I wouldn't worry about that. You're a lousy shot," Edward said with a smirk.

"And your alchemy designs suck."

"No way! They're totally bad ass!"

"Yeah, for someone with zero taste!"

Edward stopped and scowled at his Captain who continued walking, looking very proud of himself for getting the last word. Then Edward smiled.

"Captain Havoc," he said officially, stopping the older man in his tracks. Edward stalked up to him. "I will expect my things to be properly packed and ready to go when we leave Central. If anything is out of place or missing, I will confiscate yours."

"Yes, sir," Havoc said gloomily.

Edward continued past his officer with a smug look thinking it really wasn't all that bad staying in the military.

**The End**

* * *

I can't believe I just posted the last chapter! I'm seriously going to cry because I loved writing this and I'm going to miss writing about the Drachman War. But.... I do have another story in the works! It will be a sequel to Elysia and the General so keep an eye out!

I'll be including some background info on this story in my profile. It will contain what inspired me and where I got some of my ideas from.

Thank you to all my great readers and reviewers! It was a blast and I hope to see you all when I post the first chapter of the sequel!


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